A Giving Hand Hand Event - Rabbi Joey Haber

Thank you Rabbi for that warm introduction. You know he said Rabbi Maka said before I'm his rabbi that is the most false thing in the world. And the proof to that is that his beard is way wider than mine. What the real story is is that 30 years ago we were taught together for a whole winter and it was one of the best and most enjoyable learning we ever had. and I got married that time and one day he said, "Joe, I'm going to teach you how to dance." And he brought me upstairs and he literally taught me how to dance for my wedding. So, I love Rabbi Mala and I love his vibe and I love his lash shim. I love his attitude and his graciousness. If every Rabbi could be like you, our Kimuri be an incredible place. Wow. This is an inspiring morning and a powerful morning. I almost cried already six times today from Maya talking and then from Mrs. Massie talking and then seeing the little baby and watching those video of those three families discussing their story. You know, today's a beautiful day. They look outside like this is a picture. And every person's plan pretty much after this is you're going to go home. Maybe you have a pool of brother or a sister or a pool that your own to sit by. Or maybe you're going to go to the ocean and you're going to sit in your backyard. Your kids are going to run around. If you're old enough, you're going to have grandchildren coming in and out of the house. Maybe while you're cooking. Maybe while some Maza is being delivered and some people are going to go swimming and other people are going to be playing ball and other people coming and going getting ready for Shabbat and it's going to be hectic and you're going to tell one person, you know, be careful where you're walking and don't walk on the carpet or take your towel away from the pool and that's what's going to be happening in your house and you're going to love every minute of it. Imagine if none of that is there and it's just silent and you come home, talk to your spouse a little bit and you just sit there on the couch and there's nobody here and our friends are going to their mother's house with their two kids but we have nobody. The feeling, the pain, the loneliness is so intense. You know, Sria was one of our imot our matriarchs. Do you know where she talks in the Torah that she passed away? Go look, look it up. Try to find it. You can look from here to tomorrow. There's no puk in the Torah that talks about her passing. man was a whole story the purchase of Christ nothing there's one that the Torah says eludes to the fact there was a girl named Dvor that was Rifka's maid and or nurse and she passed away and in that pasuk there's a hint to the fact that Rifka passed away so Rashi asked the obvious question why why are we hiding I think this Rashi has such a powerful and important message. She says the Torah purposely hid the day she passed so that people shouldn't curse her and say this is the woman who gave birth to. So because we don't want people to talk about her as the woman to give birth to is therefore her passing was kept secret says therefore the Torah also said we're going to keep it quiet. I don't understand that she had therefore we have to keep it silent. So she had a challenge. Sai man who had so many challenges. So many. She was in world wars. She was taken from her husband twice. She was in famine. She was what? What? What do you mean? We're not scared to talk about S. Why are we scared to talk about? And the answer to this I think is very important and very apppropo for today. Sai man who had big public challenges. Big public challenges. When you overcome it, you are a hero. Sai man who passed away, a conquering hero because of all of what she accomplished in her life and all of what she endured. If manu had a private challenge, her son, it's a private challenge. And a private challenge, you don't feel like any hero. Instead, you feel alone. And having no children is the same. Having no children is not something people talk about. and they say, "Wow, you're so impressive. I can't believe you. You're 5 years without any kids. Look how you're handling it." No, that's not what happens. People might tell you if your mother's not well and you're going to the hospital, "Wow, you're such an impressive son or such an impressive daughter." But this kind of challenge, it's just a secret. Everybody knows and nobody says a word. The pain is alone. And most times when a couple doesn't have children for three, four years, their couple's brothers and sisters have never spoken to them about it once. That mastery story was unique. How much your sister-in-law cared, but most times no one says a word. Sometimes they talk to their own parents and sometimes not even that. And there's this private personal lonely pain that's so deep and so intense that literally the great that we talk about forever. The Torah says she's embarrassed for anybody know she left this earth and there are so many people that are embarrassed to go outside. I used to think infertility was an individual. There's some people with infertility. The amount of people with infertility challenges in this community is I can't you can't imagine it and you don't always know it because your circle is 100 people that you know well outside of those 100 people. You don't know if that couple that just came here today doesn't have a child. You don't know if that couple that showed up to the bris doesn't have a child. You don't know if at a wedding you were dancing with someone and that man himself, he doesn't have a kid. You don't know or you don't know the struggle they're going through. You don't know what it's like. And the pain is so intense, which is what makes Mayer and Golder so ridiculous because Mayer and Gold Clap Mayer and Golder take their own pain and not only comfortable to talk about their story, but they said let's bring somebody else into our story. and their openness, their vulnerability, their sense of sharing is so powerful. It's not a secret. It's not your fault. It's not your problem how Hashem constructed your body. It's not your fault why Hashem makes for some reason sometimes the man or sometimes the woman or sometimes both have it difficult for your system to create children. It's not your fault. Just like it's not your fault if you're tired. It's not your fault if you're hungry. It's not your fault if your body has can't do this so easily and so naturally and so simply. And so the pain is so deep. And yet your ability to share your cycles and your stories and your hopes and then your dashed hopes and then your hopes again and then your dashed hopes again and then your ups again and then your downs again. The process is so impossible. Most people in your scenario would go home would say you know what just forget it. let me put my pillow over my head and do my thing and survive the day like man or why does anyone have to see me and anybody have to know instead 140 couples are being helped by this wonderful couple Maya and Golden and half of those couples exactly half 70 either have a child or have a child on the way 46 that are born and 24 that are underway. How unbelievable is that? How incredible is that? How inspiring is that? Because every single one of us have a challenge. Some of us are not as healthy as we like to be. Some of us are not as smart as we like to be. Some of us have a child that's not where they need to be. Some of us have a parent who doesn't feel as well as they need to. And some people think, "I need to hide and I need to shy away." No. Why do you have to shy away? If you did a colossal, terrible thing. If you hurt somebody, you should be shy. But if Hashem made a decision to give you a struggle, there's no embarrassment in that. There's only heroism in overcoming that and dealing with that and facing that and talking about that. Which is what makes this morning our responsibility. Our responsibility here this morning is to step up and look at this couple and say, "You know what? You're not alone. You shared with us. We're going to share with you so that you could share with them. You shared with us, we're going to share with you so that you could share with them. All those people, all those couples out there that are still embarrassed. And I want to conclude with this. A lot of times an organization like a giving hand gives a lot of publicity and the whole talk is the beauty of having a baby. Oh, it's so much deeper than having a baby. It's having everything. The baby doesn't stay six months or six years. The baby turns into a teenager. The baby turn gets married. The baby has children of her own or of his own. The baby turns into a family. The baby turns into grandchildren. The baby turns into your legacy on this earth. It's not just a baby to play toys with, which is phenomenal, but it's so much more than that. You know, I once went to Israel and visited this famous rabbi. His name is I've went to a number of times. some of you probably went to is known Rabb Gaml Rabanovich. If you ever go to visit Rab Gaml Rabanovich, he pulls out a picture and he's talking. I brought boys to him and he's excited. He gets very animated. He takes a picture, a little broken picture, broken frame. The glass is broken. And he says, "You see that little boy?" You say, "Yeah, it's a boy in the picture." Maybe the boy is six, seven years old. He says, "That boy is my father. My father was an orphan when he was basically that age." He says, "But my father passed away at 94 years old and he left a thousand descendants." 1,000. And he kept screaming, "One is a thousand. [Applause] One is a thousand. One baby that you produce here today. Could be a whole yeshiva one day. Could be a whole school, could fill a whole shoe, could fill a whole wedding, one baby. So you're not producing one child. You're holding the hands of Mayer and Golden and allowing their pain to be able to be other people's salvation. And it's our hope, Maya and Golden. We didn't come here today just to support you. We came here today to love you. We came here today to share with you. We came here today to feel what you feel. We came here today to hold your hand. We came here today to pray for you. Because as much as you're using your journey to help elevate somebody else's, it is our hope that one day, Hashem brings this back to you. If it needs a miracle, Hashem do a miracle. A woman just stood here and said she basically her body was about to say never again. And then Hashem said yes again because of you. Please the amount of children that they're bringing into your world, the amount of worlds that they're bringing into your world, the amount of thousands that they're bringing into your world eventually. Please bring a baby into their world. Please bring two or four or maybe even six or maybe even more. Please tell them give them the give them the strength. Give them the power. Give them the courage. Give them the miracle to be able to go home one Friday in a few years from now and see children playing in the pool and kids running in the house. We all want it. We all hope it for you. And this morning, every single one of us supports your ability to take your pain and share it with others. And take that sharing and build a thousand families and build a thousand children because every child that is born because of today will be yours, will be ours. Thank you.