Crying during Elul, R' Yoel, R' Avraham Mayore, R' Zalman Yudkin, Study Derech Chaim- RC Dalfin

Just wanted to say a few words about crying and tears. The second says in the safer which we are accustomed to learn during the month of Allah as preparation for the high holy days and you know particularly that we we we should we should cry with tears to wash away the sins the iniquities the transgressions in particular of foreign thoughts meaning um inappropriate thoughts associated with um wasting of semen uh even accidental Nocturnal emissions etc. Were the bhavim supposed to be happy? How did the two go together? So I call this holy c tears. Holy crying. Crying that comes from a positive side not a negative side. And I saw three people in my lifetime who lived this way. Rabiel Khan, Rabayor and Abalutkin. Each of them at different times I observe the way they cried. And I want to share that with you. So Rabiel would frame of night all night in our Yeshiva in Ocean Park when yeshiva and he framed for 7 to 10 hours more or less. Not less, more probably. Um he started 8, he finished seven. So 11 hours. 11. Yeah. Anyway, he took a lot of mashka and he would speak about connecting with the Abish to connecting with the Reb is called theashos and he would tear and he would cry. He would choke up. It didn't come from focusing on himself. It came from focusing on God, on the rebu on yeden. And the the nikuda the point was when you deflate your ego and you put the focus on Hashem on God Almighty then you open up and when you open up you realize that you're distant and you want to come closer and the mind can't tolerate the pain so it expresses itself through a tear through a cry that type of that type of tears those type of tears is what I observed that night. another time in his house. It was um 2001 I believe shortly several years after the Reb passed away and I was there for simple in his house and he repeated a a section of a mimer of the Reba and explained it and it had to do with that Hashem doesn't forsake his sheep the Jewish people and he made the comparison to that the Reba doesn't forsake his again this was already 3:00 4 in the afternoon and it was civil. It wasn't wild or drunk at this and he was saying and was singing sitting at the table in his house and he started to choke up and cry when and it was I remember I was like you know I was a married man I had a family and I had you know and then I whatever I was writing already you know what's there to cry about here and and I and what is he crying about you know I mean his personal life at so many years later. I don't believe he was crying about that. He was crying about his the recognition of God and he's he's far from it. That's right. Khan is far from it. We're far from it, too. But yet, we're as close as could be if we want to be close. Those type of tears, those type of crying is what the mitba wants you to come to when you think about your transgressions and iniquities in preparation for kipper. Not to put the focus on yourself, on the self. That is, as we say, crocodile tears. That's silly and foolish. That's not something to be emulated and to be jealous of. But tears that came from a Jew like Rabel Khan that I saw with my own eyes, those are tears to emulate. Another is the Rabayen. So it was 1983 and it was Aravy Kipper and as a student I went into the to the Reb's room the upstairs base medish for the braha or I was outside the window it was packed with bakar and like sardines and after the reb's braha everyone went downstairs I went downstairs but you I didn't even walk down the steps like I flew downstairs because it was so cramped with so many people you everyone's on each other's shoulders and he just go down sweating profusely and all of a sudden I end up at a bench. I'm alive. I'm here. I didn't faint. And I look and here I see someone sitting under the talis with a towel near him and it's Roma risen and called nidre started and I hear him sobbing. It was like boom. Coming from this experience with the Reb upstairs, this elation coming down and confronting Arajen with his towels over his head, crying profusely to the point where he needs a towel to to wipe away his tears and you know and later I realized wow this is what Yum Kipper is about. Yum Kipper is about kidra is about the connection to God. And that includes not being a mean person, hating others, disliking others, fighting with others, separateness, divisiveness, all of that is out the window. It's yum kipper. But I've been involved in that throughout the year in different ways. Well, now is the time for chuva. That's what yum kipper is about. Rabam was going through this. I I didn't discuss this with him, by the way. I'm just telling you the way I feel about it. Right or wrong, I believe this is correct. Because if you saw and heard those tears and what was going on there, you would think either he's a nut or he's a very holy guy. And I'm telling you that for he wasn't a nut. He was far from a nut. He was a real clever person. a learned person, a person who would say anyone that's not ready to go to the slaughter house to fight Stalin isn't a real and he's talking about other he would always say to us did he is he ready for the or not if he's not ready for the he might know and he might he might know and everything he ain't nothing man he used to say in his claim mean small He's a small person. He's not a man. He's not great. Anom is to talk about anom. Anom is someone who says, "I'm ready to go to the slaughter house for Hashem, for the Reba, for Tyra, for Yeden." So all of this all of this is encapsulated in that in those tears and those and those in the crying that I heard at Kidra 1983 by by Abraor and that's again what the mitba means that type of tears those type of tears and finally the third is yudkin he was born in ria I believe everyone knew Many people knew him outside of Kabad because he used to he used to raise funds for the yeshiva in there and he would be for two months in Muny and go to Lakewood and Williamsburg and burough park all flatbush and and he knew the masid from and whenever I heard him speak here and there he would cry and people like wow what are you crying about? Hey, Stalin is dead. Mussolini is dead. Hitler is dead. We're in America. It's a free country. Get with it. And if you heard him speak, he he he was reminiscing about his memories in Russia, how they beat him and what they did to him and how they beat other yeden. So is he crying because of the the the beatings that he got 50 years before? He was crying because he realized who Hashem is, who what is what this is. He saw the famous right and he says to himself, "Hey, where am I?" And again, not where am I because I'm something special, but I can I should be like the masid, right? That's the attitude that we're talking about that the miklb wants you to focus on. He doesn't want you to spend time on your, oh, I did this sin on this day, on this sin this night, and on this, you know what I'm saying? We're not musern we're kabadnik. We're so yes, we don't make light of transgressions. Anyone that does isn't a real a transgression is a transgression is a transgression. Get it through your head. It's not a free party here where you could do whatever you want and yet raise the flag. I'm a laber. I'm aid. My dear friends, >> that's not a true. That's not a true labaturer. Recognizing the issues are very very important. But the question is what's the approach to it? What's the attitude towards it? And this is what we saw by these three different help us that we go towards the today is there's still most of left and we engage in this activity. The sun's out. It's warm outside wherever you are. It's easy to to get lost in the comforts of life. This came to me this morning when I asked my last night actually when I asked my son if he you know I I came out with some new books if he like to read one of them and he said he has a limited amount of time. So he asked me what's t what should I do read one of your books or learn which labaves are supposed to learn during I said surely learn and I'm thinking about it since last night and this these thoughts came to me today so I share that with you and I wish all of us to go towards this which will surely will have a good blessed sweet here in taking these tears and taking the pain, the pain from being separated from God, from Hashem, and truly giving up the ego and truly putting ourselves aside and truly not talking bad about people and truly thinking positive and finding the good. And this will help us see the rebuilding of the holy temple, the B mikdash in Jerusalem. A good. Thank you.