Coping With Tragedy [Behind the Bima Clip]

want to change gears as we wind down for these last few minutes and and with your permission um you know go to a place that's that's very tragic and sad and painful and that's the loss that you've suffered recently whether it's your brother-in-law of his higher wallerstein who was and had an enormous impact on quality strolling and is a big loss and obviously uh your son for those who don't know 32 years old and a father of four children seven and under and unexpectedly and suddenly and what a tragic tragic loss and yet for those and no one knows what's in your heart no one knows what's happening behind closed doors but the way that you've steadfastly remain dedicated to adaptation into the work that you're doing and channeling into new initiatives and energy and many people otherwise would be suffering and grieving and struggling and I'm sure you are also where does that will come from where does that resolve come from where does that Faith come from to to not give up on Hashem or his children but to even double down on trying to help repair the world and the memory of the people that you've lost um okay this is loaded question but um so let me just compose my thoughts a second um so I'm going to be brutally honest and my children will probably yell at me for over sharing but I believe that this you know even if this helps one person then I'm okay with it um so I'd always in my mind like made a deal with Hashem that I'm going to take care of your children I will take care of as many of your children as I can and just give an extra watch over mine like have my have my kids back and that was a deal that I made with Hashem and and I thought that it was a I thought that it was a two-way deal I thought that it was it was a done deal and my brother what happened which was Beyond Beyond no words there are still no words and we were just starting to process that and then Ryan would sniffed there suddenly no warning nothing a healthy father in the prime of his life just taken and what happened the first thing that came to my mind was we had a deal and I I was shattered shattered broken I mean I still am shattered and I still am broken but every day we try and when I was on a flight from New York to L.A I was just trying to reconcile this with myself because I said I don't want to be angry at Hashem because that's not gonna that's not gonna help anything at all and then I sat there and I thought about it and it came to me that Hashem did keep his deal he did keep up his end of the deal because my son fulfilled his half kid and he had to take him but how did he take him he took him on a plane when he was sleeping and then he was gone and they tried to revive him they tried everything they could and in today's day and age he could have been revived possibly right and he could have been brain dead or a vegetable for the rest of his life and I don't know what kind of life that would have been so the more I thought about it the more that I realized that he did it and it was really Diana Ms because it was his time and the way that he took him I was so grateful for and this is for another podcast because it's actually an incredible incredible story which I'll tell you another time which how he was Nifty on a plane and they they landed the plane in New Orleans which is one of the least Jewish friendly cities um today and here you have a healthy 33 year old man who just died on a plane and if you thought that they were just going to let that body go without any red tape or anything and literally he was back in L.A by the wee hours of the morning so Hashem really did everything with the utmost and care and I said okay he's keeping his end of the deal and I'm still keeping to mind and over the Shiva my brain just kept going and going and going and and one of the things that I did and I and I know that a lot of people other people do it as well I'm not saying that I'm super special or that I discovered America but one of the things that was very important to me was while I was setting Shiva to have people do things in his clothes and do Mitzvahs for him and I saw them for him and it was just so gratifying that people took out the time to what's that mean to text me I even had a Google form I still have a Google form going out with over a thousand people on it from people who literally dab in mincha who were you know made set time to learn took on machinayas from people who sang I'm going to be more careful with my kashras and to be more careful covering my hair it's just an amazing amazing thing and that shows shows to me that like they're not forgetting about khaim and that his legacy will live on and that even though I'm down here and he's not here from down here we can all just create it's clears for him and just Alias for him and to me that's just the biggest that I can get so you know when people ask me like how could you go on like I'm just keeping my ends of the deal like I have a deal and I'm gonna keep my deal and I'm just going to keep this deal and even though I don't understand why it happened um I'll let you know after Michelle I'll know why it happened but I I trust and I know in my heart that Hashem did what he had to do um out of love and that's that's a message that I just want to give over to anybody who is and this loss is is I don't wish this on anybody and people reach out to me who've lost spouses and um grandchildren and all types of things but you know I can tell you like I feel for you and everything but I can't imagine that there's anything worse in this world than losing a child and um I just feel very grateful to Hashem that he planted the seeds of giving me adaptation and my singles at who I love so much and my who I love so much that just are helping me to realize my dream and my goal which is just to make more Shadow from happen and make just bring more awareness to claw you thrall and to help you sell them in and we have a lot of other amazing things and that I'm just able to be busy with this and that I have this to fall back on and to just be back bigger and stronger with it