Comparison Is the Thief of Joy - Rabbi Yoni Fischer

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How I am as I said I shall be how Oh yeah, as I [Music] said [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] before we Again, I just want to sing a song together, a fela, each and every one of us that we try and sing all of us, the Jewish people. We're always singing for our brothers and sisters as we're sitting here tonight. It's a little bit for me coming from some of some of the as well as I was I'm staying at my staying at my brother's house and uh I was able to bar he has a he has a pool I was able to stay a little bit on the side and to enjoy a little bit and my my family as I just came from yesterday called today before I went in and said there's a a zaka Ah, there's a siren. And I uh I felt a little bit weird. I felt a little bit strange as we always do. And it's good to it's good to feel the confusion sometimes of of our brothers and sisters. Literally our brothers and sisters as we're sitting here was sitting here. I actually had before when we were traveling a little bit. I heard a anyone who was just in Errol who uh it's been a it's been a tough it's been a tough few years for Klus but specifically this last round was very uh I heard a police car a siren and it's everybody. It's everybody. It's every Jew. Everyone who's in Erit Sus felt this last kufa this last stage these last 12 13 days 10 days and the fact that there was a today I was like oh my goodness it's like you think you're you think everything's okay and then Hashem reminds us Hashem reminds us Hashem reminds us again to think of each other and to think of the Jewish people to think of Clal Israel because we are one doesn't matter if you're here doesn't matter where we are we're always thinking of our brothers and sisters and one of the menagum that we have in yeshiva is as we sing I'd like to really start maybe we'll do that together as a together all of us as we're beginning the evening to just begin with I want to say I just visited I'll talk more about it a little But afterwards I think a dear kav a very special person in my life for many many years. This this just want to be have him in mind specifically and to think of to think of we'll sing together which means Hashem have mercy on your holy nation. I always say like a wave. A wave. When you go to the ocean and the wave the waves keep on coming and you can't like stop them. You can't stop them. We want Hashem. You should have so much rahim just like the waves are coming. It should just be rakim and rakim and raim rahim on the hostages by Julia. He's our hostage who we have a representation of him in the yeshiva to have in mind the name of one of the hostages the from the yeshiva know that we mention him all the time amongst all of the hostages and their families and their families and all the soldiers as we're sitting here and we're supposed to sit here and everybody is supposed to be exactly where they are supposed to be. This is exactly where we're supposed to be. This is this is exactly where we're supposed to be. Each and every one of us at this time next to the person who we're sitting with in this place and the soldier is exactly where he's supposed to be. They should be able to feel that. It's hard to even say that for for a hostage. It's even hard to say that. You can't even say that. They're not supposed to be there. We have to take them out. We have to help help Davin for them. as we begin this evening of as we begin this evening of together I I if we can all try we'll we'll we'll we'll start a little bit to and then I try and say the 10 that that we'll do it together 10 times I'll we'll we'll we'll do do it after we do a few few of it to just try and have in mind whoever it might be whether it's a friend you know whether Whether it's a someone who lives in or just to think of another think of another little kid a kid who hears I have my grandson can know he's a three-year-old three-year-old kid when he hears it's like I it's hard to even talk about it when he hears a when he hears he says oh he gets scared a little kid a little kid little kid it's not just my grandson all of us all of us our brothers and sisters let's ding for that little kid who knows who has a nightmare. Who knows who has a nightmare for whatever reason? Whatever whatever people whatever our our brothers and sisters are dealing with, whatever Clal is dealing with. We spoke last night about it. There's the Jewish people, we're we're carrying a lot of more pain now. There's a lot of pain and we want Hashem. We can dive in and that's all we can do. We can dive in and we can dive in and do what we're doing here. Getting together to sing to view [Music] is good. Oh sh. [Music] I [Music] go [Music] I feel me [Music] is God Yeah. Yes. And God [Music] is [Music] I shall I am power [Music] shall I shine again. [Music] You come for me. [Music] is in our [Music] which means I just want to it's very humbling to be in a place that I've never been before or at least that that I'm aware of. Yeah, sure. It's very humbling to meet and to just be in a a place. That's why I wanted to start off by singing yidden yidden. The Jewish people each and every one of us, every Jew is so holy, so pure, so precious. I just met Rabari Fuchesi tonight and I uh it's it's incredible. You know, I think of the story they say where the where the guy went upstate the the the the guy went upstate and he was driving and uh and he broke down. He's up on the 17 probably or that's good way to say the story. He's on the 17 and he breaks down and he opens his glove compartment and he takes out out this yarmaka and he puts it on his head and all the Eden are stopping. The guy was a Smart guy. Smart guy. This is what this is what this is what the Jewish people do. You go to India, you go to Africa, you go to anywhere you go. You go to you go there. Why? Like we were saying before, you know, one of the one of the things we we we can always be makazic is is speaking not speaking lashem. Remind me, we'll do a halaka tonight together. But um it's it's so ironic because the the body is what separates it's what separates people. The body the physical is what separates each and every one of us. It tries, theahara tries to separate us. Theahara tries to make us feel different than one another, but at the end of the day, so holy, so pure. At the end of the day, we're in the shama. At the end of the day, we're so close. It's not like it doesn't say should be like wouldn't say if it's not and the guy who you met on the plane the person you met who you think I just met you that's what I was saying I'm coming here sitting here together in a place that I'm unfamiliar with unfamiliar with but You sit together with Yidden. We know what we know. You have the cougal. It's the same kougal. I don't mean that in a negative way. It's the same platter. I've seen this platter before. You got the vintage. It's not stam. It's not stam a cute thing. It's not happens to be because it's hamish and there's nothing like some good gishmaka potato cooker. What? They haven't figured it out. I don't understand. The go the go haven't figured out some good kishmaka choling and potato. They're smart because it's not about that. Rashi and it's not for now. Rasha talks about that that a nation who who is one that we're one just like your home you like your your mother's chicken soup and your brother likes your mother's chicken soup and the family likes the mother's chicken soup and then you get married and your wife makes a different chicken soup and why can't it take taste like my mother's chicken soup but your chicken soup is like your mother's chicken soup so why do you like that chicken soup and I like this chicken soup why do we like the came food because we were bala. No, because we're yidden. We're we're brothers. We're more brothers than brothers. We're deeper. We love each other. That's why we hate each other so much sometimes. I always say that. That's why init the siblings fight. That's healthy. You talk to any parent. Siblings fight. It's good. If people say people say siblings don't fight, what's wrong with you? Yeah, especially brothers. For sure. Brothers. I don't know about sisters. I grew up with brothers. Well, I have a younger sister. We grew up brothers. Brothers. There's competition. So, that's what happens. Brothers get together. They fight a little bit. It's okay because we love each other. Because we love each other. We love each other. We love each other so deeply. It's the people who are so close to us that we can get so angry at. Stop somebody else. You don't get angry. It's the people who you're so close to. The people we're so close to. H It's so good to sit together. So good to be in in a in a in a in a in a place with with with with new faces and and and and and a place that that I'm not familiar with. And I'm talking it out for a reason. I was thinking I'm I'm gonna talk in a second. I'll get to my my Yiddafi Mike Doob. I don't know if anybody knows Mike and his rabbitson and his wife. Comparison is the thief of joy. It's one of my favorite quotes. Comparison is the thief of joy. You want to have a bad day? You know how you have a bad day? If you had a good day yesterday, that's having a bad day today because you're comparing it to yesterday. Sometimes it's good to have a bad day. I tell guys sometimes in yeshiva you had a bad year. It's good sometimes to have a bad year because next year you'll have a good year. When you have a great year, it's hard to have another great year. The comparison of joy thief. The comparison. Comparison is the thief of joy because we're comparing. Comparing and contrasting always, always. How am I doing? How was I doing? How's this in comparison? So why am I saying Mike? I don't know. I don't know if the the I don't know if the knows Mike Doo, but I just want to I want to say that Mike Doobal. I know him. Mike Doo. And the reason I want to talk about Mike is because I want to bring out a point. Mike, guys, I want you guys to to know Mike Doob is literally a friend of mine from from way back. We grew up together. Mike Doob is a person who we just spent some time together for for for Perry for as I mentioned before for Perispensor [Music] and it's a for all of us. It's really something to to think about for ourselves. And that is what one of my favorite stories that me and Mike say all the time is is from one of the sadikim the satireba. I have to say this story Mike. >> It's the best story. >> It's one of the best stories and I'll I'll tell you why I like saying the story especially to Mike with Mike. The satireba was holy shab holy shabaholi and he was close with Mike Tress. Anyone who's heard this story, forgive me for saying it again, but it's a story I've said over hundreds of times probably. I don't know hundreds, but possibly. And are known that you have to grow a beard. You have to have a beard, a beard and pis. That's what that's like olive by and the satireba for sure. Sarba is very very very holy with a beard and pis Mike Tress. There's a book I think they called him Mike. He was uh close with the with the Reba and he was clean shaven. He was clean shaven and theim came over to the Reb once and he had a good relationship with he says I don't understand how are you close with somebody who doesn't have a beard and pis how are you close with someone like that? So the Reb says I'll tell you the difference between you and him. The difference between you and him is after 120 he's going to go up to and they're going to say [Music] van where's your beardy where's your beard to you guys and he was talking to the hashem's going to say b where's your yid so why do I love saying that story rabbi fryeld I heard this bashame my my father-in-law razil Rabbi Fryfeld the has heard this from me many times. What's the ray? I don't know if Mike you ever heard this. The ria that a beard and pis don't mean anything. Of course I'll be kabala and a yid as I'm not getting into that. How do we know? Because he says you don't have to do anything and it grows. Anything that you don't have to do anything and it grows. How could it be meaningful? >> If it's easy if it's easy then it's it's it's nothing. It's nothing. You didn't do anything. You didn't do anything. I love hanging out with with Mike. The reason I love hanging out with Mike because I don't want to put myself down to say beard beard. Where's the yid? But I could say that what what what's a what's what what are we all trying to do? We're all trying to be comparison is the thief of joy. We're all trying to be ourselves. It's like the whole avoid of life. They say that's what tshoua is. What is tshoua? Tshua is to return not just to Hashem. It's to return to yourself. Is to be you. It's one of my favorite quotes. I was blessed blessed to to have minimum to say everyone's into be the best you. Be the best you. Don't worry about being the best you. How about just try being you. Let's start with just being you to be me. One of the I think I think Kabun said it. I saw this many many years ago. He says, "What's in gullis? What's in gullus? The ani is in gullis. The I is in gullis. I the me the comparison. Mike said this. Half of my stuff is from Mike. Guys, you're going to know yeshiva mashem. You'll see I get the credit for it. But Mike, right? Mike's going to smile when I say this. You might as well He'll finish the the We didn't even We didn't We didn't prepare together. You might as well be your yourself because everybody else is taken. You might as well be yourself because everybody else is taken. And what's the problem? What's the irony of life? Myself included. Myself included is I just want to see the nishama. I just want to see Hashem. And you know what that means? You know what it means when you say, "I just want to see Hashem." This is like, "If there's one thing we say together tonight, it's this thing." If there's one thing we say together tonight, it's this thing. Mark it down. Ysef, mark this down. Abe, mark this down. You know what it means that we're trying to find Hashem? It means I'm trying to find myself. [Music] I'm trying to find me. Koenic said sin is rashetavis. Sin s i n is rashetavis. The acrostic someone I'm not someone I'm not. I want to find myself. We all want to find ourselves. We want to be close to ourselves. We want to have a relationship with ourselves. And where does Hashem show that to us? He shows it through our spouse. He shows it through our children. He shows it through the people we work with, the people we hang around. My siblings, my siblings, my parents, my family, the people closest to us show us. They show us. That's why it's so hard for us. Why is it so hard? Why is it hard? Why is it the people who are closest to us, it's the hardest with the people? Like we were saying before, why are the people closest to us are the people that we we tend to hurt the most that we're so negative? We could be more negative. It's much harder to be critical in ourselves, to be critical because that's where Hashem is because Hashem is talking to us. How else does Hashem communicate to us? How does Hashem communicate to us? Hashem communicates to us through every constantly. He's constantly sending us messages. Hashem is constantly sending us messages. The person you bump into, the person you look at, your father for sure, your mother for sure, your siblings for sure, your spouse for sure, the person in shul who dava bothers you. That's the biggest matana. The tadik used to say, the person who bothers you, it's a high madrega. It's a high madrega. It's a high level. If we would know, if we would know to go over to them, to kiss them, to stand up for them, to stand up and say, "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for showing me. Thank you for showing me who I am. Thank you for putting a mirror, as we all know, when you point one finger at somebody else, you have three pointing at yourself." Because the whole entire it's almost I don't want to sound so extreme to say this but I think it could be true nowadays in 2025. It could be I don't like saying like a blanket statement like this but it could be the whole I've said this before. I'm going to say it a little bit hopefully clearer now. It's all just a distraction to get in touch with yourself and to love yourself and to connect to yourself because then you could connect to somebody else. You overflow into the people in your life. You overflow and it takes time. It takes time. It takes time. It takes patience. But to be true to yourself, I was speaking to someone recently. someone who's here. I was speaking to someone recently and I told the person who's saying he made a decision in his life that was unpopular. It was an unpopular decision. But he made a decision. He made a decision that he knew was the best decision for himself. He had he spoke to people. It wasn't just um sometimes not even. Sometimes you just got to make a decision because I know deep down in my gut they say your gut your gut they say is as I heard from my from my share from my father-in-law your gut is God gut God gut in Yiddish gut okay you got to be careful with that you got to be careful with that you have to be careful that's why we have that's why we have friends that's why have we have teachers that's why we have mentors that's why we have people older than us. That's why we have people we could talk to about what's my gut. But it's the way to communicate. It's a communication. It's a communication. My gut. So the person told me, the person told me that he made a decision. He made a decision that was good for him. And because he made this decision, this happened and this happened and this happened and this happened. And I told him and I told him, even if the results weren't the results that you wanted, even if it didn't work out the way you wanted it work out, when you're true to yourself, that's the greatest thing you could do for yourself. When you're honest with yourself, when you're honest with yourself, and it's one of the hardest things for a person to do to be honest and to sometimes go against to go against the grain, not daska to go against the grain, but to follow yourself, to trust yourself, to know yourself. Who said solant said that what is everybody trying to do? Everybody's trying to understand God and to believe in themselves. How about let's try and believing in God and understanding myself. Understanding myself. Maybe it's all a distraction. I think I think it could be that it's all a distraction. Everyone talks about the phones and they talk about tyus, which is true. It's true. We have to be careful with our tyus and we have to be careful with all the distractions that goes on on a daily basis. Distractions. Distraction. But I'm using that word distraction not because not because the thing itself is what is evil. That's also Thank you. That's also true. It's also true when a person is involved in certain things. It's not it's not good for him. It's not good for the person. But I think one of the strongest things is that it brings me away from being true to me. It makes me forget who I am. It's one of the reasons the pusk at the end of it's important to to learn if anybody's been to we should we should we shouldn't have to go to levas if you in in in certain places in they say forget don't forget your name don't forget your name it's one of the reasons you say you say at the end of you say before you say the puk why say after 120 don't forget your name oh I'm going to forget my Why would why would I after 120 years old I'm going to forget my name? How many times do people say yoni yoni yoni call my name my name? I'm going to get up to shim after 120 and forget your name. How am I going to forget my name? Maybe my social security number. Maybe I don't know my address. Maybe maybe I'm going to forget my name because what is shame? What's a name? Your name is you. Don't forget who you are. Don't forget you. So here's my kasha. Don't forget you. Don't forget you in this world. You're saying don't forget about you in 120. I don't even know who I am in this world. First let me get to know me in this world and then we'll worry about me not forgetting. First I want to fall in love. Let me fall in love. Then we'll worry about staying in love. But I want to fall in love. How about falling in love with yourself? Falling in love. Say this guy is crazy. What's this guy? What's this guy talking about? Falling in love. How about falling in love with yourself? I want to fall in love with myself. It sounds a little crazy, but how beautiful can I and I want to say something scary which but it's true. This is scary, but it's true. It's heavy, but it's true. to the degree that you can fall in love. This very heavy to hear, but I'm gonna say it. I don't know why Hashem Hashem sent this to to what is this? Bram Beth what do they call it? Beth Beth Abraham. What do they call it? Beth Abraham. >> Beth Abraham. >> Beth Abraham. We're in Tina. Tina Tene. >> Tene. New Jersey. >> Berg. >> Berg. Sorry. Sorry. I don't know how that works. I'm out of town. I live in Israel. Mosha Matio. >> I don't. So I I apologize. We're in Bergen County. >> Yes. >> Beth Beth Abraham. And I I don't know why I'm saying this, but but I'm saying it because this is this is what I'm saying. This is what I'm trying to be true to me and trying to share me. That's all I can try and do. I'm trying to do Mike. You'll like this one. Remind me what because I'm going to forget where I was just going. I had the shot on the love. The love yourself. Just remember. All right. Mike's gonna like this one. Me and Mike always talk. Mike's Mamish, my my my brother. Mamish, my brother. We we he knows me. He knows he knows as he always says, "I know yoni before the beard." He knows me way before the beard. Mike's going to like this because Mike always sends me, we always talk quotes. The kaz are over to say over things that are true. I like saying things that are true. I like talking about the truth because everyone's going to say, "Ah, I have the truth. This is the truth." Chill chill with this is the truth. How about let's work on saying things that are true. So, I like to work on saying things that are true. So, Mike Mike likes to send me things that are true and I like to send Mike things that are true. So, I may I this this is a matana from Hashem also. And that's why I'm talking about just trying to be honest. Even though I'm in Beth Abraham, Bergenfield County, chilling here together, America, I don't even know what I'm doing here in a certain way. My kids, I was so upset. I'm at the pool with the Azaka. I'm like I'm like feeling guilty. I'm here eating. I already had my sushi. I had my America stuff. And but but I'm trying to just be me. I know that sounds so silly, but I'm being so honest. That's what I say. I told Mike, everyone says you practice what you preach. You ever heard this from me? I say I try and preach preach what I practice. I don't want to. Of course, it helps to talk. It helps to talk Goldberger told me this once means it goes into your own heart. Sometimes those who do for sure you talk to Hashem, you're really talking to yourself in a certain way. Mom is what we're talking about because you're trying to find Hashem, but Hashem's right in front of you. Hashem's right here. So, I just want to share. I know that was a big hakama for what I want to say over here in in this over here in this holy place. Thank you, Ari. Thank you. But this is what I want to say over here to the degree and it's a very heavy statement, but I want to say something that is true. And in my humility, and if somebody wants to challenge me on this, I would love to because it's like 1 plus 1 is two. Is it really 1 plus 1 is two? And I'm not saying that to to open but I'm to the degree but hear it yourself in your heart in your gut. To the degree that you can fall in love with yourself is to the degree that you can fall in love with somebody else. Now that doesn't mean that somebody else can't help you fall in love with yourself. But to the degree that you can fall in love with yourself, you can fall in love with another person. You overflow to somebody else. And this is going to be a hard one for the for the for yeshiva bakar who's who's trying to become close. I I don't mean that to exclude anyone, but I'm saying when you're yeshiva bakar, it could be intense a little bit sometimes about your relationship with Hashem. And it's the same exact thing with Hashem. You can't split that relationship. You can't split it. You can't split your relationship with Hashem. And your relationship, that's why Hashem tells us, think about your brother. Think about your sister. Think about your family. I don't mean just your literal brother and sister. But I'm going to say that because that's so so so important for us to work on. To work on myself. This is maybe something that I'm that I'm practicing what I'm I'm now I forgot the whole quote. What's the regular quote? >> Preaching what you practice. >> Preaching what? No, but what's the regular quote? >> Practice what you preach. So this I'm this I could say I try and pra I got to practice this. I got to practice this even more. I'm not I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. So I don't want to just share to make it seem that I'm there yet. But but but but we I think we all can be makazic in our stronger relationships with our actual siblings with our parents with the sibling that you're not so naturally close with with the parent who you might not be naturally close with. Ready for this one? As you'll get older, I don't know the age of the crowd. With the child, this is heavy. When you're younger, you might be like, "What? How could that be?" Yes, you might have a child who you naturally are not. I'm not saying you don't love them, but some children you might be more naturally close with. How about working on that relationship? Maybe that's what Hashem to love another yid. As I always say, to love another yid. to love to love someone who you who lives with you to lives with you to love more my spouse to work on that. What about that? What about working on my relationship with my spouse? It's not like a 2025 new wave thing. I don't care what was old school. I'm not old school. I mean, I happen to be from old school, but I'm not old. I don't I'm not old I don't know what old school is. I'm here now. I'm I'm now in first grade. I'm in first grade now. Yes, I want to fall more in love with my wife. I'm saying it publicly, not so my wife will hear this year. My wife's not interested. Maybe she'll say she's interested. She doesn't need to hear what I'm saying. I'm not saying it to fall in love. And I hope my wife can fall more in love with me. And I hope I could fall more in love with my children. And I love my children, but I want to love them more. And I want them to love me more. And I want to love my brothers more. I have a great blear. I love my family. I have a clo and I've worked on it. And it's not it's not it's not a negative thing to say to work on relationships to work on those closest to us. And that's where it comes down to me. So am I working on my relationship with myself? And I'm not saying that I'm there. I need to learn. I'm saying this publicly. It sounds silly. I I'm Amish. I don't mean to go back to the Bergen the Bergen C. I don't even know why I'm saying this here. I need to work on loving myself more. I Yoni Fisher need to work on loving myself more and seeing Hashem in me more. It's much easier for me to see it in somebody else. But the more I see it in myself, the more I could see it in somebody else. Healers, Yehuda is not here tonight. Yehuda, we'll say this for Yehuda. Hurt people hurt people. That's a fact. That's a That's something that is true. I say it's the truth. That's a true statement. Hurt people hurt people. Not because we have on the game room thing that if you cut, what's the quote? >> You haven't been there in a while. If you don't heal from what what if you if you don't heal from what cut you, >> you're going to bleed on someone who didn't hurt you. If you don't heal from someone who hurt you, who cut you, you're going to bleed on somebody who never did anything to you. That's heavy. So hurt people hurt people. That's a fact. So if you're hurting someone, it's because you're hurting. So one of the in the yeshiva said after we said that healed people heal people. A loved person I'm adding this one. We just added it tonight. A loved person loves people. You hate him. You hate yourself. It's not a cute thing. It's Hashem talking to you to say, "Ready for this? Now you got to love him more. You got to love you more. You got to have more room for yourself." So it's brought out by saying don't speak because you're talking about actually one of the muscles that they say is if this handra did something wrong, you're going to cut the hand. You're going to hit your hand. It's me. It's me. It's me. See, Mike, it all comes back to Mike Doo. Why does it all come back to Mike Doob? Should I tell you why it comes back to Mike Doob? Because what I love hanging out with a person like Mike. Mike's works out. we have in our gym. I saw Byaman Burkitz last night. I told him I told his wife actually that it's his it'sim you work out. So we have in our gym it's harder to work in than it is to work out. That was a gift from Hashem. Mike do anyone who knows Mike if you if you know him you know Mike's one of these guys like oh I'm not sure if I know him. If you know him, you know him. A guy you meet, Mike Doo, you know him. You'll never forget him. And his wife Sienna, I'm not gonna get started over here because Sienna's here and Jake. Why am I stop? I'm talking about what was I'll tell you what I'm saying. when you work in it might be from n from 14 years old from 14 years old and Mike could tell you stories but it's the same thing I'm trying to do the same thing as Mike I try to follow Mike what is it I'm trying to work in doesn't matter what you look like on the outside does not matter in my home and I say this with pride we were talking today I I I didn't even say it I didn't even want to say it we don't use the worded. We don't use the word datumi. We don't use the word modern orthodox secular. It's all a lie. It's all fake news. And that is something that is true. We don't judge people based on on the external aid. Don't judge me. Mike told me this line I think 10 years ago or eight years ago. I think it was in Woodburn actually. Not 30 years in Woodburn. 10 years ago in Woodburn. You guys don't they don't even know Woodburn from the old Woodburn. Don't judge me because we sin differently. Every Don't judge me because we sin differently. So this guy is a bigger Yarmaka and this guy is a smaller yarmaka. And I'm going to say this because the nashim tanos are here and I might get into trouble. I can't believe what I'm talking about. I see it's tr it brings out you guys are bringing it out of me and it doesn't I'm saying this with sensitivity. Aas person is a person inside called I've met people in my life I could cry when I'm saying this. I've met people in my life who wear pants, who are more sneez than a girl who wears her shirt skirt all the way down to the floor. And I'm not saying there there's I'm not talking about that. I'm not but I'm saying is so deep. It's so deep. Just like being connected to Hashem is so deep. So, I'm going to put you in a box and I'm going to tell you that you're that because of who I think you vote for where I think that you wear this type. I mean, it's mishuga. If you think about it and I'm not judging someone now, you're gonna you'll speak to somebody and they start saying that word, you'll say, "Oh, this guy, oh my gosh, he's crazy. He uses that word." We can't judge anyone. I was on I love flying lal. It's like Eric Stroll, right? You you gota you gotta you gotta you got to love it or you're not going to love it. You know what I'm saying? You got to love it. I love flying lol cuz you're already there. We had this when we were on the trip in Hungary. We were we were flying l we're in Hungary. We're in Hungary. Hungary. And you're hanging out already by the by the this and it's all right. You have the sweatshirt. You're in Hungary. you. We're in Hungary with the MM. We just got got through with the Awitz and crazy Poland and right, we're already in Hungary still in Hungary. We're there. Them's there. You already smell the tuna fish from the sitting next to you or the corn beef or the this. It's already together. We're already together. The yidden yidden. Who has the rub? [Music] Okay. Bash I'm [Music] Thank you. I I'm I'm uh I'm humbled. I'm humbled that that I'm >> I'm humbled. I'm humbled that I'm sitting here. I think I feel like I'm in I'm in by by I'm being serious. I feel like I'm in yeshiva. And that's a compliment. I feel like I'm in yeshiva. I'm talking to the We're talking We're talking about Hashem. We're talking trying to talk about about I'm trying to talk about things that that that I that I think we we could be makazic together. I don't know the rv. I said before but but I know but I know the rv. I must know the r. Thank you. Thank you. I'm I'm uh where I have no idea where I just lost with the roof. Hungry. >> Hungry. H tuna fish. I love Right. So RV's like, "Oh my gosh, that's what this guy's doing here talking about tuna fish. Okay. I love ll. Why do I love ll? What's this?" I love ll because you see it's just like taking right. All you need to do, we all know because we've all done this. All you got to do is go with that cab driver. You go with that guy. You go with that guy. That pushy yid who's so not pushet because that's a par. That's a lie. That statement is a lie. A pushy yid. Not that that's beautiful to be a pushy yid. No yid is pushet. Every yid is so beautiful. So in the corridors, you know, it's always like that especially in whenever people are trying to sleep. People are smoozing in the in the in the thing and they're smooing sch smoozing the ste the steward and this guy and this guy looked like he was quote unquote whatever you might you might think and the words coming out of his mouth every other word is blah blah blah I'm like kissing the guy's hand kissing the guy's hand one of my favorite this is an old story I can't believe it just it fell in my head. I'll never forget the story. Flying. This is This is We'll sing it again afterwards. I want to sing it again if you don't mind. Afterwards, we'll sing yen. Yidden. So holy. So holy, so pure. I'm Take this in context thereof, please. I'm so holy. I'm so pure. Say to yourself, you're so pure. When you see the beauty in another yid and we see the beauty in every yid, when it hurts us that is hurting, that's because you're connected. I was sitting with Mike tonight and we were talking about his father. We're talking about Perry Mish talking about and I jumped up and where did I get this from? I got this from him. Talk y this is Mike. Don't talk. Do do just do for aid. We were talking and his he needs a rafu. That's what we were saying. I said, "What am I talking about? Let's go to the Let's go. Let's go visit. Let's go visit him. To do for another Yid to do something for another Jew. There's no greater thing." How? What? What's Dshai? You could look at the news. You could hear and it hurts you because we're so connected. The bells are rough says that's why we say why we say right. But when it says the steward does remind me why don't we say right Mondays and Thursdays right we say the for the and then we say why don't we say what does mean it should be your will it should be your will say it should be your will just like rightem Thursday we'll we'll say it you'll you'll it's a good kasha. So one of the sadikim said I think the bells arba I think said over I think from bells who was a big Israel says you don't have to say may it be your will for because there's no greater will that a father wants that hashem wants from us than to say is that I want to love my brother more I want to love my sister more and I'm not just talking about my brother init and my brother the and my brother Baraven Julia the hostage. We have to think about them, but we also have to think about those closest to us because that's sometimes where the nissan comes. I I want to say over the story and I'm going to end with this and maybe we'll just sing together. We'll see. I don't know if we'll see. We'll we'll have to sing. We'll we'll we'll end off. We'll sing and if anybody wants to have we could have a few questions, question comments. I like that. We were talking about that the other day. It's good to process. It's good to ask. I like talking. I like when we talk together. If you don't mind, we'll sing we'll sing something. But I just got to say about the storice. This was I think a few years ago. It was one of the most incredible sites that I saw in it could be in my lifetime. I I know it's going to sound strange, but it was quiet on the plane and there was a storis who was being a storis and it was a little bit quiet and I saw her listen listen to what happened. I saw her go in the corner in the in that middle area and I saw her take out her uh her phone, whatever it was and I saw she was like dovening. She was dovening. His mom was domining and then some people came in the in the corridor in that area and she put it away and she ran. What can I get for you or whatever? And then they left with whatever they left with their potato chips or whatever it was. And then I saw her go again in the corner. And it made such an impression on me. Made such an impression on me. I went over to her afterwards and I asked her for a braha cuz I said, "I caught you." I told her I caught you. I said I caught you. She was like, it's like they say stories are Kanye Kioski. They say I'll just say a quick story. They say he once I heard the story many years ago that his his they said you could go call someone in America and and help this organization. Millions of dollars. Imagine getting called from Kleim Kaneki to do something, right? We need we need we need money. We need this. You can't say no or Kleim Kanye. And he says, "I can't do it. I have to ask my wife if I'm if I could do it. If I could call you, how long is it going to take?" Hello. They'll get they'll get the in between. Yeah. Raine's on. There we go. Mike, we need a million dollars. Mike would get you a million dollars. You have to. So he says, "But I got to ask my wife." How long is that going to take? 30 seconds. Not even. I got to ask my wife. He asked his wife, daughter of Yashv, what'd she say? No, you're a Tory. And here's a Yid how many hundreds and hundreds of people he would see the the Reb's yard site, the Reb's yard site was a few days ago. the hours, the hours and hours to see to be mazic another Jew to be another Jew. It's one and the same. It's one and the same as we started off. You're looking for Hashem. You're looking for yourself. That's who you're really, really looking for. You're seeing the beauty in someone else. You're really seeing the beauty in yourself. You're seeing the negative in someone else. It has nothing to do nothing to do with they say the from the they say used to get a they used to bring him I need this I need this I did this they used to the used to say over I got to work on this I got to work on this I got to work on this I I got to work on this I got to work on this can I get a bra for this I get a bra he says all they're doing is giving me my homework what I have to do that's how the tadikim look at it that's how the tadikim look at it. That's how yen that's how we look at it. We look at it. How can I [Music] be the change you want to see in the world? I know that's it's it's we got to find I mean find it. It's be that change. I want to see more love. Be that more love. I want more. Be that Morakas. I'm talking to myself. Mamish. Mamish. Mamish. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for for inviting me, making me feel so at home to come listen to some guy who's who's who's who lives in Moshave Matis who's I'm just trying to I'm I'm I don't even want to say I'm trying to be me because it's too like it's too easy to just say I'm trying to be me. I'm trying to try to try. That's why I hang out with someone Mike Doob because you can't hang around a guy like Mike Doob. Get a friend like that. I tell guys for the for you is you don't need a lot of friends. It doesn't say it says can it's a Mishna. Yes, it's good to have friends but as we all know how many how many friends could you have? How many friends could you have who are going to tell you the truth about you? Because Mike can give me muser. Mike can give me love like nobody else but he can give me muser just like my wife just like my wife. I go over and I say this I say this many times and I'm saying this not to say something about me but to say about the relationship and what it what I think it's supposed to be. I go over to my wife Eravom kipper. I don't ask my rebby what I have to work on Kipper. That would be way too much. I asked my wife. You know why? Because she'll tell me the truth. You ask your kids what you have to work on. Oh my goodness. Don't ask your parents. Right? I don't want to ask my parents. Ask your parents. Be brave. Ask your mother. Even if you don't have a good relationship with her, ask your father. If you don't have a good relationship, ask somebody who you don't have the best relationship with, who you know loves you and cares about you. What do I have to work on? That's that's they say by the way that's why it's the end of the Mishna says why because if you want to have a rebi you want to have a friend you got to judge favorably because of course you're going to say this guy's got this problem and this guy right who oh your mother m your mother just said that we were just talking about it Mike we were just talking about Such a great shot. Oh, I'm so happy I get to say a shot from your from from Mrs. Doob. She was saying it's so true. When we expect so much from one person, they'll never be able to fill that expectation. But if I get a percent from this one, 3% from this one, 5% from this one. That's what it is. That's one of the lines the has heard from me many times. There's one person in this space medish who you can't see and that's yourself. Everybody else can see everybody else. And I always say, oh, take a mirror. It's not 100% right. It's a little backwards. Gets confusing. It's not really seeing you. There's only one person who you can't see, and that's yourself. But everybody here can see me. Everybody else can see you. How incredible. How incredible. What a gift from Hashem. What a gift from Hashem. A gift from Hashem to take the people who are closest to you. It's hard. It's heavy. It's very heavy. It's heavy. It's heavy. It's hard. It's hard. It's much easier to ask somebody who doesn't know you what was the line you said was such a great line about the good. Mike told me a line a few minutes ago about if you're if you're good then you're talking to yourself you're great. >> When you're good you tell others. When you're great they tell you. >> Write that one down. >> When you're right these are convers these are the conversations we have and it's I I want to say something. It takes time. It takes time to fill yourself up. For the younger, we're all young here. For the younger, it takes time. It's not about am I true to myself or am I not true to myself. Am I honest with myself or I'm not honest with myself. That's why I don't like I'm saying the truth, I'm not saying the truth. How about learn to say things that are true to yourself about you? And that includes by the way I just want to say it goes both ways. the guy who if you can't admit people think means I have to see people think I gotta see all my weaknesses right what is the the think woe to the person who doesn't see his weaknesses Mike you'll like this one see everyone Mike I'm this mic is my woe to the person who doesn't see his or her weaknesses but it's from the I didn't make this up. I didn't make this up. I just try and learn from them. Oavo, if you don't know your strengths, you know why? Because it's the same thing. If you can't be honest with yourself or you have trouble being honest with yourself, so you're going to have trouble being honest with yourself and how great you are. Also, it's not a one, it's not a one-sided, it's not one-sided. It's difficult. And we need each other to keep us in check. I need that person on the plane who I look at and I'm like, "Oh my goodness, why is he taking up so much space in the thing and I don't even have a place for my thing?" That's a that's a hug and a kiss from Hashem to say, "Okay, how could I how could I reframe that? How could I look at that better? I don't have a good relationship with my father. I don't have a good relationship with my mother. I don't have a good relationship with this sibling. Yeah, because he's this, because she's this, because And you know what? You might be right. You might be right, but at the end of the day, at the end of the day, you don't have a good relationship. At the end of the day, Hashem should help us all. Should be Let's do a We'll do one, then let's sing. We'll sing one. Is that okay? If someone wants to have, we do a few. What time is it? another 10 15 minutes after somebody a question comments we could smoo a little bit talk then we could we dive in Marav afterwards >> yeah can we dive in can we say we'll dive in at 10 10 o'clock is that okay another let's sing a let's sing let's sing a song let's sing a song [Music] I know what song I want to sing if you don't mind I had a this year with that Vanias elim. So I I I don't I'm not going to look it up now, but I had this shot that fell. I was to to get this year elim I for and for me my closest mish this is what we're talking about tonight. Vani the closest to Hashem is le to there's a lot of you in there just say to there's double twice it says me aniim to talk about oh I'm close I right that's the story they say from one of the sadikim the guy who who wrote the letter and he said I have this problem and I got this problem and I got this problem and I and the sadic circled all the eyes and sent it back and say that's your problem. Right? You're too focused on IIT. I I I love my wife. I love me my me my wife. What's the shot? Just say love your wife. I love my wife. What I have to there's a lot of you in there. So I'll answer it with another kasha. Right? We like to do that. Answer with another kasha. The niggan in the song is happen in yeshiva on simtora. Ano an someone someone asked the catch. I think they say from the Manchester RV. I think I heard this from the Manchester R. What do you say? Ano? Ano? Ano? I I I I am a say be more humble. Ano? Aa a I'm a servant. Servant servant servant. Servant. Right. It was actually a guy in yeshiva from a very yeshivisha place. I know that's not a nice thing to say in a certain way, but you know what I'm saying. Meaning, you know what I mean? I'm not saying that in a negative. I'm saying it was from a yeshivisha place. We love yeshiva places. It was like a very I have to ask challenge myself if I could even if I would put that in in a category. I'm able the muser that I just gave myself. I'm not sure it's a good kasha. I'll get back to you on that for real. I'll process that because I don't know if that I don't even know if I don't even know what that means. I don't place but but we we'll get to that later. a guy who is from a very very serious place. So you have to even be careful what you say, right? And he came to yeshiva and he said our rashisha made us sing ano abda abdah abdah abdah. Now, after the shot, I was like, "Well, not in this yeshiva honey. Not after not over here. We don't sing that. We sing an because who's the one who's close to Hashem?" It's the same thing. You're close to yourself, you're close to Hashem. You're close to your brother, you're close to Hashem. You got to put yourself in there. You got to put yourself first. It's not selfish. It's not selfish. You'll overflow to your wife. You'll overflow to your children. You're o you'll overflow to everybody. When you put when you put yourself self-care, loving loving ourselves, we should be. So, let's sing this song to love each other more, to love Hashem more, and to love ourselves more, which is one in the same. We should be z to that. And every wherever they are should be that also I'm going to say again because we have to remind ourselves we have to the hostages the soldiers everybody every wherever they are wherever they are should be to love each other more to love themselves to love Hashem to have Yeshua for all of Israel [Music] give Vel. [Music] Thank you. [Music] Give us [Music] >> Perry. Perry to himself like that. >> Good call. Right. Correct. your mouth again. Oh n [Music] I [Music] [Applause] love [Music] I La [Music] It's always crazy. >> I love it, man. So awesome. >> We're like we're we're just doing this, right? It's crazy. >> People need it. So people are desperate to see, >> right? Love it. >> Love it, too. I got to follow I like that line and the other one. >> Great stuff. Right. Yeah. Right. >> And we got Rachel in there. Minister May. >> I didn't do that on purpose. [Music] Honey, every day. Every day. This is what we do in every [Music] These guys, they hear the same exact thing. You guys ever heard this song? Say no. >> Right. Exactly. >> Same thing. Same thing. So true. Yeah. Yeah. It's a killer. [Music] [Applause] I need you again. Give us [Music] I [Music] know. Give us a light again. [Music] I love you. Love you. I can't believe I'm here. It's like a moment in time. >> I love it, man. >> A moment in time. [Music] [Applause] [Music] I [Music] la [Music] [Laughter] [Applause] the Lord. [Applause] [Music] Should we do a question comments or not? Yeah. Yeah. Should we do it? Aby. Thank you, Avi. Thank you, Avi. Yeah. Should we go? Oh, do Mike, you want to read it? You'll read it for us. >> Yeah. Do you mind? It's actually my son's chat. Look at this. How many people are on it? >> Wow. >> Every day. get on this chat every day. small go Mike if you could be makas >> in the in the event that a person >> wait I just I'm sorry I just want to say one of the changes in my life I could just share about is if you learn says just learn the on a daily basis nobody wants to speak lash so so the gives everybody a promise he he gives a promise it's not it's not me he gives a promise you've learned the every day two minutes 30 not even two minutes you'll see 30 seconds I guarantee you will change your life talking about say will change your life it's changed my life I wasn't wasn't wasn't a big lash guy before my parents I didn't grow up in a home speaking about other people but when I learn the lash it will change your life. It it doesn't say don't speak lash. Of course, we try don't speak. It's very easy to say don't speak lash you learn every day 10 seconds 20 seconds the promises that you are you will stop speaking your and your whatever it is it's a school. So that's why we try and do it every day in yeshiva we have a big picture of the every day we learn a every day publicly every day. Some guy came to yeshiva once said knows we know I mean no no no and no in any yeshiva in g nobody speaks lash sometimes people forget I'm saying to to to have a home to have a home that doesn't speak lashhara to have a yeshiva that doesn't speak lash to have a bmedish that's it that's the gula that's where we're ready sorry Mike to interrupt go >> so I have to add lib on it because we talked about lashhara it's an interesting things in terms of self-help that it says that when you blow somebody else's candle out doesn't make your shine any better. So Benipur who we literally saw an hour ago he needs Niss and our nation right now like I said to Ravioni before that if you're not a proud member of this nation right now in 2025 then you're not on the right team. We're seeing miracles all over. It's a miracle that I have one of my best friends here in our community in Bergen County where Torah is electric. The next generation is growing and we're stronger than ever. And that's the message you need to impart to your kids, to your family because me is I don't what our nation has accomplished it. It it's it's emotional to see what we've endured and now the world realizes maybe Israel. In the event that a person knows that something was done against him and he doesn't know who did it, it is forbidden to reveal who the culprit is. For example, your neighbor notices that his car window was smashed. Although you saw how your friend's ball accidentally smashed the window, it would be forbidden to reveal this to your neighbor. >> Tough one. >> In such a case, you should ask a RV. >> Perfect. >> What to do? >> Beautiful. It's a tough, but it's >> Yeah. Hashem should help us all. >> Should be to the Gulma. Thank you again. I can't thank I'm so Thank you, Rav. Thank you Ari for for making me feel so at home. I I uh thank you so much and we should be you should be with your with everyone to we should all be with the ghoul of >> Thank you.