Climbing Your Second Mountain: The Journey from Fakeness to Authenticity

okay good morning everybody welcome thank you for coming I want to wish everybody an amazing New Year a happy healthy sweet New Year a good year a blessed year a sweet year an incredibly successful year and happy year with all of the blessings to you your families your loved ones among all of the Jewish people here and in the holy land and in the whole world next week Beijing we will also have a class that will be next Tuesday at 9 30. and we start we're trying to start on time this year and the week after that by easy rashem as well [Music] the next week will be uh obviously a premium Kippur class and the week after that a pre CIS class I want to explore with you today one of the many meanings one of the layers of meaning and significance Behind The rhythms and the sounds that we blast and produce in the Russia today's class is dedicated by avram and Rahul Spitz thank you very very much and may you be blessed with all goodness and blessings materially and spiritually thank you The rhythms of Kia Schaefer are very interesting we take them for granted because we're used to them every year we start off with Kia we continue with shimarim we continue with truer and there's always a TIA afterwards what's the structure the simple meaning of it is a simple straightforward blast do not complicated not Twisted not broken straight simple it's called a coil push it like a simple not uh what's the word encumbered or entangled sound is very different it's the word schwarim means broken right like shiver live nishbar shwaram is broken these are broken sounds they're not whole simple sounds they're broken sounds that's what shwaram sounds like if you want to do a schwaram what do you do you go to [Music] in fact the gamara and masakis Rosh Hashanah Compares it to a sigh a person sighing in Yiddish it's called Acres I don't know if you could translate that exactly it's called that maybe uh Mrs Frank maybe just put that just put it there because uh [Music] says like a person sawing because when we saw it's like oh oh it's also called that zifts in your Dish as if oh that's what the schwaram if you listen to the smartest [Music] than this truer true is even more broken the word true actually also comes from the word broken like tiraya and beshavid barzel you should break them with with an iron scepter or kaiserua tirayam tirua also means Triumph it means Victory but it also means broken when something is broken and this the gemara compares to sobbing so it sounds like uh like when a baby is crying or even an adult is crying it's not a sigh it's the cry so I'll go that's what a truer sounds like and then it's always followed by another Takia now the structure the way it's done is the terrorist says that's the language that Tyler gives the day of Rosh Hashanah shall be a day of true so we know that we have to blow blasts thank you [Music] foreign ER uses the word sure now what's the definition of truer so there's the targum the uncle's translation is yuvova what's the definition says that Aramaic translation say let's look around the Tanakh for the word the above it's found in one place and shaft him in the Book of Judges who the mother of sisra for more people her son was the was the Army General and uh and he went to fight the Jewish people devorah and his mother was waiting for him to come back for more with all the Jewish buddhi of course she didn't know that Yael killed her son sister so she's waiting waiting for her son and a mother feels you know mothers I don't have to describe it to this crowd but mothers feel she feels something is wrong divira and her Shira in her song to be to express her gratefulness for the victory of the Jewish people which was a an insane Victory against uh the Philistines against their Arch enemies who wanted to destroy them sister was the General so the warrior describes how the mother of she moaned or groaned or cried now we know what true is we're true is somehow we're emulating the mother the mother of sisra which is also very fascinating and interesting we once did a class on that the connection between sister's mother and sheifer Rosh Hashanah it's a it's a fun it's an interesting connection [Music] now we learned from the sukum so we so the question is but what did sistra's Mother do did she groan and moan and sigh she didn't do a correct or a zift because she didn't know Yiddish but she moaned and groaned or she just sobbed or she did both I don't know what did she do obviously she was in a state of of despair of of of concern of anxiety there was a pit in her stomach and she was panicking she was worried she was overwhelmed by The Dread by the Dreadful thought that something happened to her son and she was right her son did not come back from the war she was used to I guess he was a bachelor so he would come back to Mom after every war and share with her the booty so the question is what exactly did she do the tanaksha says we're not sure if true means just shivaram just truer or maybe she did both did the mother of his sister just groan and moan did she SOB or did she groan and SOB that's what people do first outside so what do we do as good Jews we do everything we do all three types that's why Kia Schiffer supposed to be nine sounds nine blasts how did it become a hundred have they become a hundred even the first set 30 how did it become so much to tell you should be a truer we learned from the 30 that before each truer there should be a Takia and after each we do it three times through it here the question is what's true true which is the Moon it could be true we call it true which is a Saab or it could be both together that's why we do all three so we do three years three times then we do through it the third time now we do it here through it here three times and that's the first set of key issue that's done after the reading of the Terrible later we add again other sets of Kia Schaefer during the Musa prayer and many also later at the end of davine all together we do a hundred blasts mayakailus brings from the guy in him that the mother of sisra cried a hundred times which only underscores again the connection that but that was a different class A few years ago before British Hashanah we spoke about it if you remember if not you're forgiven so this is just a technical background of how we developed the The rhythms and the sounds of Shepherd what is the meaning what is the meaning of these sounds how are we supposed to understand them it's a truer but there's always a tear before and a key after and an interesting thing is that the key at the end is called and that's what the customers to prolong that KIA as much as possible it's not so easy because when you blow it takes a lot of energy you exert yourself you know we spoke last week blowing comes from a deeper Place says when you blow it from from the insideshan Hashem also blue he blew the first show for a history blew the nashama into Adam and Java so it's not so easy to do it but there's an art to it and at the end we do a triage dialer which is a prolonged here and that's what here Schaefer finishes the first set of gear shaper finishes how do we how are we to internalize these sounds that's what I want to discuss today what does it mean on a personal level so there are many different ideas and layers of significance that have been explored in our holy books over the centuries over the Millennia in the meaning of keishaif and the sounds of Schaefer on many different levels drush site today I want to explore one of those one of those Dimensions one of those aspects certainly not the exclusive one because there are so many different layers and meanings behind the sounds I'm going to change the subject a little bit or at least it's going to appear like I said like I once heard a speaker say I don't digress I extrapolate huh you like that okay I hear that from a professor once in Stern College Yeshiva University a Stern college professor metzky said I don't I don't digress I extrapolate them stuck with me like 25 years ago sounds like Professor Metzger right if you go to tavaria and you visit the tombstone of the rambam rabbino moishab and maimon is known in English as maimonides you'll see a very interesting inscription on his under matsaver and that is there arose nobody like Maisha and the meaning of course is he calls himself there was nobody like Maisha We compare these two moistures together now they didn't live close to each other they live very far from each other mystery Bay news of course the beginning of Jewish history was born in the year 1135 1135 that's approximately 900 years ago he was born in cordoviro in Spain and he escaped from a group known as the Al mahads and ultimately after many tiltulum after malav wandering ended up in Egypt where he lived his last decades and he passed so he said [Music] was considered the greatest Jewish leader and teacher and prophet and moshabbin myman is considered one of the greatest Jewish leaders and one of the greatest Jewish Scholars and one of the greatest authorities may be the greatest in Jewish history and the term rambam is and that's why in English it's called maimonaris his father's name was maimon Maisha lives of course 3300 years ago and Robin lives 900 years ago so you're talking about a distance of more than 2 000 years between a space a gap of more than two thousand years which only underscores the significance of that statement I don't think we know the author of it but somehow it's been accepted in Jewish in Jewish life these two people had a lot in common first of all moisturabenu gave the Jewish people the writtenberg South the rambam gave the Jewish people to Irish about the oral Tower in fact he called his safer his magnum opus called mishna Tire why did he call it mishna tire that's what it's called mishna tarah of the Ramba and Mishra means a second to Torah why did he call it mishna Taira so the rambam says because after you learned hamesh and Tanakh you learned my safe and Mission tell you you don't need any other book in Judaism to know in other words and then we have the tanak that started the written Turner and then in my safer mishna Taylor which is a huge work it took him over 10 years 14 books in which he categorized and codified and organized all of the halachas all of Jewish law and every single conceivable topic even the laws of the best of the laws of mashiach which is unique in you only have the laws that are relevant today but the rambam was given encyclopedic and organized system of all of Jewish law throughout all of the generations that means all of the Mitzvahs their explanations there were elucidations obviously whatever was available till his day and he put the mission of terrorists he called the second attorney he said you don't need any other safer besides this to know Allah this is where God's humor comes in the rambam says if you read mine you don't need any other book there's probably no book that elicited as many commentaries as the rambam's books he said you have to be you don't need any other book his book probably has 10 000 books that were written on his safer but that's how uh that's the humor of the vine of Divine Providence they have one more thing in common and that is [Music] at some point each of them felt that their life was a dismal failure [Music] a symphony cut off in middle of the ballad the middle of the song a point at which they felt that everything that was achieved and all of the incredible things they may have done ultimately it was vain they didn't get the job done and their life was not the life that they would have desired and dreamed [Music] and at that point something extraordinary happened in both of their lives the first Maisha and the second Maisha but my men and my should have been if you would study Maestra bainu's life it looked like the ultimate success story the ultimate after all the rambam himself the second Maisha calls the first Maisha in his writings the choice is that the human race has ever produced the best of men as our French brothers and sisters would say whatever a human being can achieve that is the eulogy that the terror gives to Maisha the last eight sukum of the which I read on some the last when we finished the third the words that I said about Maisha were never said before and I'm not said after like come is no Prophet arose among the Jewish people like moisha whom Hashem knew had an intimate connection to Panama upon Him face to face representing the deepest most intimate most powerful Bond and Oneness born under very difficult circumstances we all know the story stages a revolt against tyranny for the first time in history and he succeeds para is the superpower Monarch of the time Egypt was the superpower of the time both in terms of military power and science relative to the time and economics emotional abandoned stages as a messenger of Hashem a rebellion a mutiny against this Powerhouse he sets his people free he molds slaves and not just slaves downtrodden slaves who were subjected to the worst of abuse he molds them into a free Nation gives them the third at harsinai and Shepherds them for 40 years through the impossible wilderness yet as he comes to the border of the promised land the Veritas Israel he experiences and endures of crisis of gigantic Dimensions because his two greatest dreams and hopes are snatched from him in the last moment desired two things very profoundly he wanted to go into there it's Israel he asked and pleaded and pleaded but Hashem tells him the last year that he will not enter into the Promised Land is the numerical value of 515 the Madrid says he composed he authored 515 distinct prayers asking Hashem to allow him in Terrace Israel his prayer was not fulfilled his dream was denied what is more my sharabena wanted very much that one of his children should succeed him that dream was also denied his students succeeded him in fact we never hear of my sharabena's children almost ever again he had two children they appear in their birth mentioned here and there a few times and they disappear from The Horizon Yeshua and his student takes over unlike his brother Aaron Aaron had his children succeed him elizar became the Cayenne goddal right after Aaron's passing of course he's summer as well his grandson pinchas continues the Kahuna another one of you died during his life my sharabenu does not experience that and that khazal say was extremely difficult for him at the end of Hamish Hashem tells I want you to go up on the mountain it's called har and avoid the novoy mountain this is in the land of mayev and he said over there you will see the whole land of Canaan that I'm giving to the to the to the Jewish people and in this at this mountain you're going to pass away you're going to die and the Torah describes can I trouble you for uh for Hamish over there in the back shelf there's a blue hummus you see you know what I could just open it here it's fine yeah perfect perfect thank you so much sorry for the Bob when they read this answer it's usually lebede control but uh maybe it's not a day to cry but it's certainly a tear-jerker this story you know it's like the end of it all and he tells moisturabenu he says you know go up to the mountain goes up to that mountain and Hashem shows him everything you know he gives him the ultimate tourist the ultimate the ultimate uh perspective he shows him until the last seed the end of the sea and khazal say you could read it he shows him everything till the last day this is the land that your people are going to get your children are going to God but there you will not pass and those are the last words he ever hears and the next scene is by yamasa Maisha the servant of Hashem the ultimate servant of Hashem dies right there in the land of mayaval Pi Hashem and he's buried right there in that mountain that's basically the end of Terror and then there's the eulogy of the terror on moisture asks who wrote the last verses of the Torah if it describes after his death one opinion is yahushua wrote them the other opinion is Hashem dictated to him the last verse is when he was alive he wrote it with tears he wrote it with tears that's another opinion in the gemara who buried moisture that's it just says he buried him who buried him who went up on the mountain right that's uh that's a very good question so Rashi says he brings two opinions one is Hashem and Ruby schmarleimer who cover us atsumai he buried himself so uh the second opinion I understand as well is the first opinion no Yeshua wasn't there nobody went up this was my shirt my show went up my show went up himself when Aaron went up Moshe went with him moisha went with him Eliza went with him and then they came down but with Maisha nobody went up it says nobody knows where he's buried yeah now this mountain is not given so much attention because it comes up at the end and it's you know it's hernivore there's another Mountain where iron went up and he was buried her means a double mountain in fact if you go to Petra that's Jordan you could see a mountain with another Mountain on top of it which our her is described so that's the area with the Jewish people were stationed at the end of their 40-year Journey from where they crossed over into the promised land and that's why Aaron passes away a little earlier Miriam and then Aaron and then moisturaben all in that area of May of which today is on the Eastern side of the Jordan River then it was called May of today it's the area of Jordan Petra and the region and the region around it this was not the first Mountain moisture ascended in his life this was the second Mount of course the first Mountain became much more famous moishiki baltera harcina 40 years earlier Maisha was told you ascend the mountain again yourself nobody else was allowed to come up on that mountain it was dangerous for anybody even to touch the mountain until the terror was given so the first mountain is the mountain from where the Toyota was given to the Jewish people Hashem revealed himself on Mount Sinai anshuous he gives us the aceres The Ten Commandments this was 40 years earlier in the beginning of my sharabenus I don't want to use the word career but in the beginning of Maisha rabbenu's life work and journey as the leader of the Jewish people now at the end of his life Hashem says it's time to go up a second Mountain and what's the second Mountain the second mountain is from which he can see the promised land but not enter it and that's where he's buried what's the significance of the two mountains he begins the journey as they enter into the middle from Israel it begins on one mountain it also ends on another Mountain begins in harcina from which he comes down it ends at harnavoy and that's where he stays up how are we supposed to understand this together [Music] there's a Jewish columnist for the New York Times his name is David Brooks he coined the phrase which I want to use for our discussion he called it the second Mountain many people I can't say all people but many people and certainly many many inspiring people don't live a life on one mountain they live lives that have a two-mountain shape if we can imagine this visually I climb a mountain I come to the top of the mountain I descend the mountain hopefully I don't fall into the valley until sometimes a very deep valley and from there Imagine One climbing a second Mountain just using this as a as a visual metaphor two mountains this can be applied in seven billion different ways connected to seven billion people inhabiting our planet but I'm just giving a general outline and everybody's sitting here or listening or watching now or later can work out the details of how if and how and when and what fashion it applies to my life or your life but people climb the first Mountain the first Mountain I would call the mountain of success a mountain in which I want to be able to achieve my to achieve my goals I want to be able to achieve hatslacha I want to be able to do well in life I want to be able to live a good happy and blessed life materially psychologically emotionally and spiritually this is the mountain I meant in my mind to climb whatever it may be according to the culture a person lives in every home has its culture every Community has its culture every society has its culture different cultures Focus what that first mountain is supposed to look like what is the definition of success in that culture but whatever the definition of success and even within the Jewish world as we know every home every community has its emphasis maybe what success looks like at this mountain it may vary subtly it may vary drastically but the point is whatever I'm taught as a child this is the mountain so I want to retrieve it I want to climb if not to the top at least close to the top maybe I'll even maybe maybe I'll even make it all the way to the top in one culture it may be a person getting a good education working hard as a result of that getting a new a great career and uh you know becoming very proficient and professional and doing well they make a mark they become successful you get married build a beautiful home build a beautiful family pursue happiness pursue Comfort pursue meaning and uh what else can you ask for people on the first Mountain not everybody but some people in the first Mountain spend a lot of time on what you might call reputation management anybody knows what reputation management means subtly or not so subtly consciously or unconsciously I may spend a lot of time on reputation management it's a question what do people think of me well does my family think of me what do my friends think of me what does the community think of me who am I Visa the community where do I rank and many on the first Mountain try to enjoy the victories and win the victories that the ego enjoys I want to be validated I would like to make a Mark I want to be influential I would like some people want to be powerful some people want to be affluent successful I want to reach the peak of the first Mountain I and others should be able to look and say you know what or maybe even better but very often something happens that interrupts the linear existence that many people imagine for themselves [Music] some people achieve a lot of success they still find their life unsatisfying there is a gaping void the they figured there was more to life there was a deeper and higher purpose that can be difficult for people it's like this is what it all amounts to some people failed they experience a lot of failure and in that process they feel bereft and forlorn people find themselves instead of climbing that mountain they're falling and they're falling very hard and suddenly that dream is challenged and then other people get deeply shattered or affected by things that happen that was not part of the original plan a broken marriage suddenly shakes up people's lives challenges with children was unexpected it shakes up a person's life a death in the family heaven forbid loss illness financial crisis emotional crisis psychological crisis and suddenly everything I built or I thought I built on top of this beautiful mountain it was so Rosy and beautiful it's questioned and questioned every day it could shake me up to the core especially it can happen when somebody experiences terrible pain with one of their loved ones one of their children mental illness depression extreme anxiety in a child in a spouse in themselves [Music] and nothing is taken for granted anymore all of life is now really shaken they're trembling the first mountain of success is falling apart sometimes people at a certain stage in life they thought they had it together and deep deep memories or deep deep pain and anxieties comes to the fore and starts creating cracks in all of the beautiful structures in the beginning we try to ignore it deny it negotiate with it minimize it but sometimes none of this helps and the person finds themselves not on top of the first Mountain but they have exactly they have fallen from the peak into a valley and sometimes into an abyss it can express itself and experience itself in so many so many different ways and it's such a common thing with so many people especially especially it seems like in recent times and on the outside people other people may not see it sometimes it's not on the outside but it's extremely deep and it sits in the walls and in the bedrooms of a home and of a family sometimes a person who thought they got away with something they repressed it for eternity everything was good but they don't get away with it it comes back people try to escape experiences that they had in their childhood often for decades whatever it may have been and then it plots us I can't escape it anymore I can't repress it anymore and at this person at this point the person may look in the mirror and see a shattered a shattered human being they'll be crying uncontrollably uncontrollably that ego that seemed uh so perfectly sculptured is now filled with voids with holes all the success on the first Mountain amounts to nothing the person is filled with such deep pain and anguish it's very hard it's very hard sometimes to come to this place because often psychologically we do everything to protect ourselves from this type of pain so we like to negotiate to compromise to minimize but keep me on top of that mountain because ultimately this is my comfort zone and here is we can apply a verse we say in Hollow Hallelujah contradiction he overpowers us with his kindness that's not how kind this works I don't have to overpower you with kindness I give you kindness strength it's almost like I'm fighting with you to what to give you kindness what is that supposed to mean what it means is that because of the apparent pain and the real pain I sometimes refuse to be able to step into the place the only place where I'm going to be able to experience the only genuine love that I can experience and life reality Hashem government almost has to fight with my system to be able to Prevail this kindness over me which I'm resisting because of terrible fear of what the second mountain is going to look like I want to stay on the first mountain is just simply familiar so life sometimes pushes me because I'm not going to volunteer very few people volunteer it's too difficult life pushes me government pushes me over the mountain into a valley sometimes the valley is not deep sometimes the valley is very deep we call it an abyss at that point one of two things can happen I can either stay in the valley but if I have a courage to look up and take a step forward now it's time to discover your second Mountain and climb the second Mountain the second mountain is extremely different than the first Mountain I would call it a mountain that operates with different rules a different structure a different Rhythm a different Symphony when I have the courage to climb into the second Mountain this is when you give birth to a New Life it's almost like the nashama coming down again even though I'm continuing my physical life a new awareness a new vocation a new depth a new sense of purpose literally you see yourself in a new way you recreate yourself like a barrier like a new human being suffering upends the normal patterns of life suffering upends the ego suffering and anguish destroys the sense of security [Music] and it reminds me that maybe I am not the person I thought I was that realization that I may be not the person I thought I was and that I thought I was that person because I was malicious I really did not think I was anything else this is who I am this is why I'm destined to be this is what I'm trying to be this is why I want people should know I am but suddenly after this Abyss I realize I may be a completely different person in a very very genuine way than the person I thought maybe one person says to themselves hey I'm not so cerebral I'm not so emotionally detached huh another person may say I may have I may not have it all figured out another person may realize that their priorities are very very different priorities but at this point I Surrender control and I have to be able to tell myself I don't have it all figured out at this point you become extremely raw real vulnerable emotionally beer b-a-r-e because as the walls and the fences are shattered I feel myself almost like I'm in mid-ear adrift looking for grounding the old grounding is not working anymore and suddenly you find that the basement of your soul is much deeper than you knew the basement of my soul I never went down to the basement I didn't have to go down to the basement my kitchen was comfortable my dining room was comfortable the couch was working but at this point I have to go down to the basement of my soul and maybe I have to go down to the sub Cellars and then maybe to the Sub sub sellers that I never visited I suddenly realize that in my deepest places external validation means nothing and when people think of me and don't think of me means absolutely nothing and all that yearning for validation was simply a survival mechanism to be able to replace the love and attachment I genuinely needed with a sense of fake love which is called validation what often happens for many people at least is as children we all need tremendous attachment and love is no person could be alone the most basic need of the human soul is connection vacas and it's not just psychologically because of what evolutionary psychologists will tell you that in the beginning we were all foragers hunting and you can only hunt in a in a in in a in a pack you have to be in a group so that's why our brains are wired for attachment there may be a truth to that but it's much deeper than that the reason we crave attachment is because we are attached We crave to be who we are we are attached we are all one and we're connected with the source of Oneness Detachment runs contrary to reality and it doesn't feel good to be in a place where I am opposing my reality my own my reality is going to defy that but if at the age of five my heart was already broken into one thousand pieces because of the love I was searching for and I was giving and I could not get back for whatever reason maliciously not maliciously consciously unconsciously people who themselves did not know how to do this because of their own Survival mechanisms so now it's too painful to remain in that open vulnerable spot where I'm asking for love and getting a dagger in my chest so I tell myself I don't need that I don't need that anymore this is where many people become emotionally or emotionally attached and very often validation becomes a substitute what I need is that you should think good about me and that somehow substitutes for love and that I can accomplish because if I just do and follow the expectations and work hard and get good grades and whatever the successes in this mountain I will get that validation suddenly on the second Mountain I realize this is not who I am it's not what I ever needed it was mama shakalipa it was literally a shell a cover-up so instead of seeking validation I begin to search for the love that I never really felt and suddenly I realized that I what I crave more than anything else is authenticity truth and the first Mountain truth was just part of a game of of of of of of just a cover-up game yes it was part of success but when my ego was shattered then I couldn't hold it together anymore on the second Mountain I can actually feel who I really really am in a very very deep place and that's when a person realizes that relationships are more valuable than anything else real relationships unconditional love and connection and Vegas and attention with yourself [Music] with Hashem which is the core of self and with the people closest to you in your life and by extension ultimately it's with with with every person so as you climb the second Mountain something very deeply changes on the outside you may be still doing similar things but on the inside you find yourself not to be able to tolerate inauthenticity for yourself you just don't want to be there not as another trip or as another egotistical Ploy but just in a very very deep space you find yourself just deeper just more real just more grounded in your true soul and your true connection the journey from the first Mountain to the second Mountain could be very arduous is that how you say the word arduous Jewish okay it depends how deep the valley is sometimes people go through one Valley they climb and then they fall into another Valley and our Journeys take us through all of these winding paths scaling mountains descending into pits cisterns and valleys and at this point I learned how to cry I learned how to show empathy I learn how to feel empathy from my own pain for other people's pain you Cast Away all your defenses and when you Cast Away all your defenses your soul emerges if I'm not living anymore with the fences I'm not living with bulletproof vests I don't have walls around me and around myself the walls we build around ourselves to protect us from other people first and foremost separate us from ourselves the walls we build protect us from ourselves I don't want to hear what I have to say I couldn't hear what I have to say if I would hear what I have to say maybe I wouldn't survive maybe it was good that till 20 or 25 or 30 or 35 or 40 or 50 or 60. maybe even more I had those walls separating me from my own voice my own voice was too radical it was too raw was too painful so there was a wall I couldn't hear that instead I heard everybody's else's voice everybody else's Voice besides my own but then there comes the second mountain and now suddenly the walls are gone and the tears flow uninhibitedly it's like you're almost reborn I'm always Hashem if you read to heal him now most people today we read to him in Hebrew it's very hard to understand because of the richness of the language but if you learn the language of tehilam or you use an English translation or the translations one thing you will see about the hilamis the rawness of David why did tehilan become the the images of the heartbeat of the Jewish people there's one thing about tehelum the vulnerability was the king he was the most powerful person he should have stayed on the first Mountain but he describes himself constantly constantly in the abyss I don't feel like a person I'm a worm Aviv is I go to the heavens you're there I fall into the grave into the abyss and you're also there save my Singularity from the lions that want to devour me every Psalms is another vulnerable outpouring of a soul that is so raw and exposed and will not live in any walls or behind any defenses and will not camouflage fakeness as truth and will not camouflage inauthenticity as religion and will not reduce God to societal conformity they will just not do that frankly sometimes our children do this to us because we will not do it to ourselves we would stay on the first Mountain stuck it's our children's Journeys and today almost every family is dealing with a child or a grandchild or a nephew or a niece or a friend going through different challenges we think it's the children who are being challenged these children are actually healing their parents if we have the courage to step off the first Mountain and take a peek at the second Mountain yes first we get angry at our kids and we try to negotiate with them and then we offer them a trip to Australia New Zealand of course Disney World Disneyland and another 29 roller coasters the children take the trip they're smart why not but a week later everything is back to square one because really what they're telling you is this is not about Disney World it's not about a trip it's not about a bribe it's not about a price we need to get to the second Mountain it's time to get to the second Mountain it's time to get off your first mountain and come to the second Mountain it's time to look in the mirror and strip the heart from all cover-ups from all shells from all husks and to be able to identify all those blockages inside of me that created a machito barzel what Winston Churchill called an iron curtain remember the Iron Curtain between the Soviet Union and the Western World well that Iron Curtain fell down in Russia well not momish with Putin but uh somehow 1989 Gorbachev got rid of the Iron Curtain but the Iron Curtain was reconstructed it's often reconstructed in my own in my own heart that's for those of us who come from the Soviet Union those of us who come from other countries there's different types of iron curtains that can be constructed at this moment something extraordinary happens literally extraordinary I would call it a miracle that becomes palpable and that is you start asking not what God can do for you but what you can do for God it looks like such a lofty madrega but it's really the core of the Soul when David amalek says David is called an image Mary says well he is the voice of the Jewish soul David never spoke only about himself David is one of the legs of the merkava if he was one of the legs and Recovery means his soul embodies Claudius Raul Saul he speaks for each Soul means there's one thing I ask and it's one Oneness Oneness deep deep down all the other things I want including chocolate cake not at the moment later in the day all the things I want are really distractions to avoid and escape the pain I'm feeling because I'm not addressing what I really really really crave and want at this point a person suddenly finds what they're really made of and you could see the spiritual glory and Divinity at the core of your soul I ask not at this point what I need I ask what I'm needed for it's a completely different question there is a lot of humility on this mountain there is Transcendence peace and serenity that sets in you become a conduit for God's purpose a conduit for hashem's purpose it's an inner transformation that can't really be described in words because it's not about words it's about an Inner Awakening I don't want to validate my wounded ego I don't have to validate my wounded ego I want to be an ambassador for the divine who I really am an ambassador of Love Light hope healing and Redemptive consciousness I want to fulfill my mission in this world because I have a task to fulfill uniquely mine the pain I experience at that point is not one that makes me angry vindictive frustrated it focuses me on to where my work lies what do I still have to deal with what are the triggers that are coming up that are not allowing my ego to become aligned with my true self what type of healing was I called on to bring into this world every trigger every frustration even anger it's a calling it's a schlichus it's a mission oh this I have to work on this I have to appear [Music] the second mountain is not so much about achieving achievement is nice but it's not really about achievement it's really much more about giving much more about giving it's not about how am I going to make my mark in the world so that I will be remembered and Wikipedia it becomes yeah we have that I mean we all have ego some of us have bigger egos small egos but it's not that it doesn't exist it almost becomes irrelevant it's less about external accomplishment and more about internal achievement it's spiritual moral it's about devoting yourself to a cause to something Larger than Life to become a conduit for Ain't So for Infinity to give back it's a yearning for righteousness for Truth for Ms Hashem it's an inner voice that says I want to be real I want to do something really good and I want to really be connected without any superficial layers and walls you may realize that I'm struggling a little bit with my words here and speaking a little slower than usually and the reason is because this is not about words in fact it's very hard to describe all this in words we know how to give speeches certainly I know I can tell you about giving speeches I could use words but this is about a transformation that happens beyond words it's inside the heart where it happens it's inside the soul saying goodbye to my ego to my insecurities to the traumas and Brokenness that have defined my life is not something I do with words it's something that happens in the deepest deepest recesses of oneself looking in the mirror and really seeing a new person not physically a new person and not even a new person in the sense oh I'm a new person I made a resolution it's not about resolutions it's not about it's not about a Kabbalah the next 40 days I'm not going to speak Russian horror the next 40 days no seven layer cake the next 40 days no sprinkle cake no lasagna the next three years no carbs that's good I'm not knocking all those wonderful wonderful resolutions but I'm not talking about that I once I once had a teacher when I was a young bucker so the I don't remember there was some yamtif and people were making cabalas like this one is going to finish this safer that's safer that's safer that's safer so he had a fabrina with us and he said you know what you guys are it was very interesting he said you turn touch them and you say okay I'll finish this whole safer before the shashana before this before that but just leave me alone in others what often happens is the Kabbalah the resolution is a substitute for the relationship it's almost a substitute for the transmission it's it's it's important and it's wonderful for people to commit and to do wonderful and beautiful things so we're talking about something very subtle in which that itself although it's a wonderful thing can become a substitute and almost a way of expressing my voice okay I thought I took this but just do me a favor stay out of my life it keeps me on the first mountain now I can add to my resume one more thing that I achieved and say you see I checked it off the checklist and now my portion and grenadin is much larger but what I did not speak to was the truth of who I really am and the truth of what I really want was not a checklist you know sometimes you meet a person and you could just feel those of you who are sensitive and detect energy and usually in the Ezra's National there's many of those you feel a person you're in their presence and you just feel there's no vanity there's almost like a Halo Halo a halo around certain people that's inspiring and when you look into their eyes you just see authenticity they won't say anything to impress you they won't say anything that's not true they will not say anything just because people say it they're fully present and they're radiating a certain light that comes deep within if you'll ask them for their life story I can promise you that in 99 of times you will hear about a first Mountain of which they were thrown off of they descended into a very deep valley and from there they began climbing a second Mountain yes there are people who climb the second Mountain we found before falling off the first Mountain but it's rear it's rear that's where the gemara says this is the whole concept of what real truva means uh of course of course the second mountain is not smooth the second Mountain I fall off when I come back but the fall on the second mountain is very different than the fall in the first month and the fall on the second Mountain doesn't become vindictive and I never Escape it I can stare at the adversity and the pain pun them upon them face to face and the moment you could stare at your pain the moment you don't have to close your eyes run away I don't have to run to the pantry get a piece of cake get ice cream get on my computer take out my phone start texting watching a rabbi YY clip or another clip I could shut everything down and just listen to the curled Mama Dhaka of my soul I could face my adversity emotionally it's a completely different experience than the fall is part of the growth do you read this at this point the person is transparent in in a very real age as Spirit doesn't mean I tell everybody everything that's happening in my life and I put a sign on my nose that I'm having anxiety at this moment on my forehead transparent though means that no word that comes out of my mouth is not true is is fake there's there's no fakeness I just don't have the kayak to live in that world anymore fake relationships lies maybe I'll make choices certain times you know there's certain there's a certain something called decorum uh radical segregation is usually not a very healthy thing but you're always you're aware you're aware of your boundaries and you're aware when you're stepping out of your your authenticity at this point you don't need to control anybody and that's maybe one of the biggest parts for Jews you don't even have to control your children wow wow wow oh my God OMG who's gonna control them if not their brilliant mother and father who who if not somebody who's ready to die for them and loves them and birthed them and paid by now three hundred thousand dollars for tuition and therapy who's gonna control my kids if not me what does my Shia sing who will be this lady of my children yeah who will be the Sadies if not we who will control my children who will control them if not we who's going to control my spouse not my spouse I don't control my spouse but you get the point wow I can give up control I can let actually god control the world wow it's called we say oh we're making you King that's supposed to be a good feeling I don't have to control my children I don't have to be a king I don't have to control anybody I'll tell you the biggest thing I don't even have to control myself I don't even have to control my emotions I don't even have to control I want to learn self-control in a very profound way not control over but the control from within appreciating who I really am and then knowing the choice where I want the head what choices I want to make at this point I'm not trying to outsmart anybody in the first Mountain I'm often outsmarting a lot a lot of people I use my wisdom my creativity to be able to maneuver the winding Paths of society and life each one according to their own capacity but all of this died or I cast It Off when I chose to say goodbye to the first mountain or I didn't choose it actually God compelled me to say goodbye to the first Mountain because he didn't want me to live in darkness for the rest of my life detached for my true calling and my reality what is left of this human being on the second mountain is the beautiful tournament metaphor of the magnet of Ms rich that he spoke about we spoke about this last week what's left is that I'm a sheifer what does it mean I'm a chaifer I'm a conduit I'm a hollow conduit for hashem's love music and power transmitted and Truth transmitted in the world you become untethered untethered you know the word tethered imagine I become untethered real open raw smooth I'm going to tell you a very interesting a very interesting historical point aggression [Music] why is the Mona Lisa the most famous painting in the world you know she's Mona Lisa in the Louvre in Paris you ever sought or pictures of it it's considered the most famous expensive power popular painting in the world what is it her enigmatic smile you don't know if Mona Lisa is smiling if she's in a good mood she's in a bad mood okay there's many people I don't know when I look at them some people I know right away some people I don't know huh even exactly is it this mystery surrounding her identity who is Mona Lisa nobody knows where did he dream up of her maybe it's because it was Leonardo Da Vinci who painted the Mona Lisa because of his own popularity so the truth is all of this helped boost the popularity of the 16th century masterpiece what really what really happened what really catapulted this unassuming poached portrait to International Renown was yeah a Geneva a theft [Music] and for me this story captures maybe more than anything one of the great themes of ellorishana says it happened in August 1911. 123 122 years ago there was an Italian fellow who stole the Mona Lisa from the Louvre museum in Paris he worked there as a handyman he never could have guessed that her absence from the Louvre would have make her the most recognizable painting on the planet what happened when he stole it suddenly there was an uproar internationally so images of this artwork were splashed in newspapers around the world and a two-year police hunt was searching for the ghanaf for the thief who stole the Mona Lisa he stole it in 1911 it was in 1913 the end December 1913 two years after the theft that he was apprehended and the Mona Lisa was recovered when the museum reopened after being close for a few weeks following the burglary huge amounts of people came to see the spot where the Mona Lisa had been and now it was empty now listen to this during those two years when the Mona Lisa was absent because it was stolen more people came to see her then all the years before so when she was there people came when she was gone ah can you imagine this is the shot it says in the Navy you'll be remembered because you will be absent the painting hung for decades it wasn't so popular it was gone everybody came to see the empty orphaned beer wall in the museum absence makes the heart grow fonder so today she's the jewel in the louvre's crown and it attracts I think 10 or 15 million visitors a year if he would have slipped another artwork under his cloak instead of the Mona Lisa could have been a very different story so the fact that she was stolen is what did it the best thing that could have happened to Mona Lisa was that she was stolen that her wall became empty absent without knowing it the thief was trying to hurt the Louvre he felt it belonged in Italy he was trying to bring dignity back to Italy he didn't know that he did the Louvre the greatest favor and transformed Mona Lisa into the legend it is you see the message here sometimes in life I find myself absent forlorn maybe stolen maybe a part of me steals my true part sometimes broken that's when you can discover your true true inner value it's the absence that's when I can discover what matters to me who I really am not who the world thinks or wants me to be and then you discover that your art is priceless and that your true art is legendary and nothing could even compare to it what do you want to say okay we come now to Maisha back to Maisha to bring It full circle Maisha is standing at the border he's standing at the border and as I said in many ways he feels like his life was a failure Hashem tells him to go up to hire navoy what's navoy the Margaret of misrich says the voy is [Music] in him what's known was in him so the Margaret of mizrich says it says that this 48 portals of wisdom in the world 40 I'm sorry 49 portals of wisdom Memphis all of them were given to Maisha besides the 50th on the mountain of Nevada finally that's where the 50th portal of wisdom was what does that mean in a way that we can at least relate to what someone and understand it what did Marsha learn on her nivai or at least the way we can relate to it Maisha didn't make it into the promised land Moishe's children did not succeed him they did not found they they did not they were not the ones who became the next leaders of the Next Generation not garisham not alias but not because his life was a failure completely not because his entire mission in life was to bring the Jewish people to that point that was his mission to take them out of Messiah to give them the Torah and to bring them to the border of Heritage that was his mission the reason says something very intense and that is he says you know what she really didn't go on territory the face of Moshe is the face of the Sun the face of Heritage stroll is the face of the Moon what would happen to the Moon if the sun would come out in the middle of the night the moon would become invisible Maisha can't go in territor Israel so as not to embarrass the light of Erich Israel the sun can't come out when the moon is around yahushua was the face of the Moon he can go on territory the reason the moon will be restored to its original light just like the sun then Maisha belongs in alert Israel perspective this was a failure my great dream didn't happen it didn't work out the way it's supposed to work out isn't that true huh that's Yeshua benon yeah yeah yeah yeah so what's carnivore what's the higher nun boy moisha achieved the 49 portals of wisdom representing human Perfection that's human Perfection what's the known by sphere assignment we can only count 49 days Toyota says count 50. it means 49 why we can count 49. 50th we can reach 250 precipitated facilitated open ourselves up to it but then the 50th is a gift that happens noon boy on the second Mountain carnivore I discovered not what I want from God but what God wants for me in every person's life I'm climbing a mountain wants to go and tell you want to go into your Promised Land you had the dream of your child looking X Y and Z your life looking exactly this way things turning out this way or that way this was my dream based on the 49 portals of my wisdom then comes the second Mountain boy in hernivore I transcend all that not because my dreams were futile and stupid they may have been beautiful and Rosy and deep dreams but I become elevated and I realize I'm a chaifer I'm a conduit so I ask not what Hashem could do for me I ask what can I do what is my mission I'm not here to control I'm not here to make things look a certain way I'm here to be a conduit for infinite love does anybody really know what the mission of their soul is does anybody know what their real journey of their child is how can I be so arrogant to think I know the nashama of each of my children how a little bit I know maybe a little bit this is where Bittle comes in where I could strip myself from everything and open myself up noon boy what is the light that needs to come through my soul to this trial to this human being to myself to everybody else around me that's a completely completely different question I ask not what I need from life but what life needs from me so now we ask today was Maisha a failure was Maisha failure it was maisha's life a failure Maisha was the greatest teacher the most beloved teacher my shirabeno 3300 years later we still mention his name and learn his Torah on a daily basis he's still the personal Rabbi of every single Jewish he didn't take us in there it is at all his children did not begin a dynasty moisha didn't begin a rabbis Dynasty with a child and another child another child another child another child and the great grandchildren split didn't do that he didn't have that because of that he's Rabino he's every choose rabbis every every single Jewish teacher his children didn't take over it didn't become a family I don't want to call it a business because intention but it didn't become a family Dynamic the Kahuna yeah Aaron's children the Takeover and the Kahuna goes from father to son to son to son it's actually an altar there's a white cross I don't know if you know but the DNA and the Y chromosome they found a tiny shift a tiny change them [Music] Harbor how do you how do you give that over to your children they all need to have that they're able to it comes along I have absolutely that's what we can give our children we can give our children the love and the security and the confidence that we really trust them and we're here for them through thick and thin and we trust them and we want to empower them of course as my children are growing up there's a Mitzvah you want to inculcate values and you want to inculcate [Music] there are herits and you want to inculcate others Hashem that's the function of parents but in a very very deep place especially as children emerge and they grow up the point is not control the point is can I really believe in your soul and be a conduit for infinite love towards your soul [Music] yeah yeah [Music] it says a coin who doesn't love who doesn't love somebody should not go to breakfast it's a dangerous thing yeah ah [Music] um how do you know the nature of your child yeah it would be nice if every child was born with a manual from Heaven to say okay don't tell me these words don't touch me this way don't look at me this way this won't work this will work right cars come with manuals computers come with manuals children don't come with manuals by the time you figure it out they're usually out of the house right and for the next child that's exactly the opposite so yeah I think the greatest advice we can give each other is to be humble to be humble never to allow our egos to get in the way and I think maybe the deepest of the deepest advice is that it's always about working on ourselves you know I cannot I cannot give you what I don't have I could make believe I'm giving you what I don't have but I don't give you what I don't have all I give you is what I have you know the more we are evolved the more I work on myself and I'm talking about in a very real way to shift from Mountain one to Mountain two the more the energy around me changes and you'll see how it affects your children like this because they feel the subconscious they don't need speeches they don't need anything they feel right away where mama is they want to know what mood you're in if you don't feel yourself just ask your child so I think the more you know we're really evolved really really evolved we could be present in our homes we can be present with calmness with truth with love and with focus and it changes everything it's not it's not about control it's about connection it's about attachment real real attachment and then there's also the respect as people grow up they have to internalize it they have a journey we could we could hold their hands we can be there at the sidelines always make ourselves available and always be present to be of source of unconditional love and acceptance and support but I cannot control another person's life I can barely control my own life so I'm going to control somebody else's life who has exact control over their life this is not about giving up on the contrary it's it's empowering yourself with being the channel you could really when I'm busy controlling and becoming codependent on all these types of things I don't give you what you need I don't give myself what I need and I strip myself from the actual contribution I could make in life thinking I'm actually helping when I'm not helping anybody it's like a delicate bound they want to ask for slime so he said learn from a chicken they said what should we learn he said chicken knows what do chickens do he said look the chicken lays an egg yeah that egg has to hatch into a chick the egg needs to be warmed if the egg is not warm no chick is coming out so the chicken has to sit on the egg to on vitamin with its feathers but if it sits on the egg you know what happens to the egg yeah the egg cracks and you can have an omelet for breakfast no chickens coming out so what does mommy chicken do mommy sits on the egg lightly mommy mostly those are the sits she takes her feathers and she hovers it should have it over the egg and the vitam to Sun the vitam designed with a delicate balance because if it's too much pressure no egg no pressure at all oh I'm busy raise yourself there's no trick said learn from a chicken [Music] powerful art powerful word that's what he said the most important thing is the warm feathers the presence that that embracing presence of truly being present for the other person and the less internal tension and competitiveness and jealousy I have the more I can be fully present we all know you're sitting with me you're looking into my face you could see the person or you see the person is not there I was in Florida a little while ago if my wife said went to eat somewhere so I'm sitting in a restaurant we're talking so I went to wash my hands for I might see so I go so I see near me there's a table I kid you not there's a husband and a wife and two kids they went out to eat everybody was on their phone everybody was on their phone they went out to eat already they went out everybody was on their phone I'm sure they were doing good things on the phone what was an Amazon probably shopping for pesach the other one was doing something else probably I don't know one was match watching my Clips just joking the point is they were doing good things but that ability to be fully fully present fully present if not any distraction that's exciting I run into so this is a very it's it's a deep emotional place a deep emotional place of bonding so now let's bring it uh let's go back to the rambam and then we conclude with Kia Schiffer the rambam people don't realize this suffered a terrible terrible tragedy and it almost destroyed his entire life I told you he was born in 1135 in Cordova when the AL mahad's a fanatical Muslim group came to Spain and they offered the Jews a choice between conversion to Islam or death the rambam's family fled they fled from Spain to Morocco then they had to flee from Spain he was in Fez Fez in Morocco and from there they fled territistral and then they had to leave again and they settled in fustat fustat is known today as old Cairo in mitraim in Egypt that's where he passed away in the year 1204 at the age of 69. the ramen was almost 70 years old and as I said he was considered the greatest scholar to ever live in the greatest code of fire of Jewish law and greatest Jewish philosopher and probably the most or one of the most influential Jewish leaders and thinkers in history his Works became best sellers shortly after his passing until today the rambam's words and works are learned and quoted incessantly not not Non-Stop how did this all come to be so this is one part of the story that's not so known the rambam lived in Egypt he was a local Rabbi he was a rabbit around there and a teacher he didn't take a salary for being a rabbi because he believed and he wrote very very sharply about this others disagreed that a teacher of Toyota must make his parnassa elsewhere he felt that a rabbi a teacher is now allowed to take a revenue it's a desecration it's corrupt it creates terrible situations because you're dependent on the community and they have you in their hands you know we could understand what he's saying others disagreed with them they said not everybody has your brain you know that you can do everything so what are we supposed to do it wasn't so simple but this is what the rambam this is what the rambam held he had a brother his name was rip dovet rabbit was a merchant the rambam used a little money that he had to invest with his brother so his brother was like a partner he was the investor and his brother did the work and from his brother's Revenue his brother would give him enough to live to support himself his wife his son his daughter David would travel to other countries in Africa to buy diamonds expensive Foods produce or different items and come back and he would sell them and the rambam shared in the prophets he could support his family one year David decided to travel to India he wanted to purchase diamonds from India and hopefully make a mint make a huge sum of money which would be very nice for him and his brother and the family the ship was wrecked and rep David the brother of the rambam drowned in the Indian Ocean we have a letter that the rambam wrote to his friend about this event a letter that he wrote I'm going to quote a few lunches I want you to understand whether I'm a mentor I also want you to hear how the greatest the greatest Rabbi of his day wrote okay the greatest Misfortune that has befallen me during my entire life worse than anything else was the death of my saintly brother he drowned in the Indian Sea carrying much money belonging to me to him to others he orphaned a little daughter and a widow now I am responsible for his wife and daughter to support them the day I received the terrible news I fell ill and I remained in bed for about a year suffering from a sore boil fever and depression I almost gave up completely on life eight years have passed since my brother drowned I'm still mourning his loss I can't accept consolation how can I consult myself he grew up on my knees he was my brother and he was my student people don't realize here's one of the greatest rabbis of all time he was in bed for a whole year despondent and depressed eight years later he wasn't in bed but he was still inconsolable and here was the problem his brother had a wife his brother had a little daughter they needed to eat they needed a place to live somebody had to pay for them the rambam had a family being supported by his brother who's who he invested so what did he do the rambam till then would teach Taylor and he was a rap Rabbi at this point the Ramba needed a job he needed what you might call a real job but the ramble would call a real job so what happened so the rambam who we knows his mind was Grand he perfected his knowledge of medicine and he began practicing medicine as a career he became what you would call a fine Jewish doctor in the community but the brilliant genius that he was and the great heart that he was he soon became known as the greatest healer of Egypt so what happened was the Egyptian Sultan whose name was Saladin who was considered one of the greatest heroes of the time in the Muslim world he was a warrior he was a leader he was the Muslim leader of the Crusades against the Christian conquerors of Israel he was world renowned hires the rambam as his personal physician so now he becomes the doctor for the entire royal family and every morning he travels from old Cairo from Fusta to the Palace where he has to spend the first half of the day examining the sultan and his wife and his children and the servants and the whole royal Entourage if somebody is sick he stays with them if not he gets back in the afternoon he writes this and then a whole day he's busy he writes with a house that's filled with people that stay all the way till the night hours looking to heal themselves the rambam describes his exhaustion he says the only time he has a little bit to teach now is on Shabbos on Shabbos but what happens is as he becomes the doctor of the sultan he becomes world renowned in the entire Muslim world the rambam wrote 18 books on medicine Arabic 18 books he wrote a book on pharmacology he wrote a book on herbs he wrote a book on Anatomy he wrote a book on constipation he wrote 18 books you're talking about in the in in the 1100s so he becomes a household name among non-jews and among Jews the world over he becomes the leader of the Egyptian Jewish Community because of his unique status and suddenly everyone is visiting him writing him letters and the rambam in his lifetime in Yemen when they say kadish they saying they insert his name into the kaddish his letters to the whole Jewish world are unbelievably inspiring and powerful and then his foreign become become best sellers a few decades later his ideas his methodology his scholarship his generosity of spirit his organization of all of yiddeskite both halachly and philosophically are the stuff of Legend he's probably the most quoted Jewish scholar in Toyota till today so now I want to go for a moment to the rambam's life he was in bed for a year he said I've given up on I felt like I want to give up on life imagine who this person was and he wasn't 16 years old at the time he was already an accomplished person he was cast off his first Mountain there was a security his brother supported him his life was in a place where he was a success story according to the standards of the ramble which were quite High [Music] from this very tragedy he didn't choose it he was catapulted onto a new Mountain onto a different Mountain the Trap first he was in a valley for a year maybe even more the tragedy forced them out into the open which he was he didn't need it he really didn't need it but it challenged him to share his light and wisdom now this is we have to be very subtle when we say this because nobody should ever think that we can justify or rationalize tragedies and what people go through and the purpose and all that never but we always have to ask ourselves not Lama not why I don't know why I'm not God I don't know I don't have his mind we have finite minds but I have to ask and now what what do I do with it I won't search from Rabbi Lau the chief Rabbi of Israel that he was once by the laborator so uh what's happening so he said the Jews are saying what's going to be he says that's not a Jewish question the question is what are we going to do in other words not llama the terrible experience that the rambam went through challenged them to bring out literally the best the best in him fine-tuning his gigantic mind heart and soul reaching unprecedented Heights in history literally lighting a fire in the entire Jewish world so now I will understand the structure of Kia Schaefer you remember what I started with here you have the blueprint it's Kia we begin with a simple plane almost relaxed sound to I can even go to sleep not momish but you know what I mean it's the first Mountain we blow that's the Kia our life Symphony continues into shivaram which is the broken staccato sound we fall off a mountain into a valley I feel lost broken fragmented confused there are many sighs over there says it's the size of life this is what we call shivaram the broken size of the chauffeur it continues to truer true and Hebrew has two meanings Brokenness and Victory interesting two opposite meanings if I'm broken I'm not Victorious if I'm Victorious I'm not broken I won the war the answer is from the Brokenness and vulnerability and humility that emerges from the shmaram being stripped of my vanity ego fakeness being stripped of my comfort zones and superficial sense of power control and security I can discover a whole deeper sense of purpose and meaning and Destiny my tears and my sobs which is what the truer is become Victory sounds but it's a different type of Victory it's not the victory I vanquished you I fooled you I controlled you I'm on top of the world everybody likes me I get the hesit award of the century at the dinner of my kids school which was all good and nice and you should get that award and if you give them money give them a couple of dollars too it's a different type of victory it's the Rick victory of knowing that I did not settle for falsehood that I did not surrender to mediocrity that I did not live a life of quiet desperation that at the end I'll be able to look into the mirror and say that I gave it all I got that I allowed my authenticity to shine but I opened myself up to what my soul came down in this world the day Hashem conceived me in love and said I want your light to shine in the world and what does it mean your light my light following you going through you as a conduit in that sense it's the greatest Victory the greatest Victory is not the victory over the other it's the internal Victory it's the victory over the parts of me that wanted to keep me hostage that wanted to keep me prison writes this great king came back from a huge battle and the sage came out and he said welcome from this small victory to the big welcome from the small War to the big voices what's the big war is it inside you can control the world fine you're a big guy inside what's happening inside those parts those parts that can derail me and keep me stuck in my prison and at this point the victory of the truer becomes a victory sound when I ask not what my children can do for me how they can give me nachas how they can look make Rabbi YY Jacobson look good how this one can do this for me and this one can do that for me I ask what can I do for my child it's a very very different question and that's the question that the soul asks that's the real question and the real yearning of the Soul nothing else yes every person has to know this is not something I just jump into you know smooth sailing even the rambam as you said went into the valley kill me and when Hashem finds and gives him new meaning showing him the 70 people that he inspired to become Prophets all of us you need to breathe you need sleep we need emotional support we need friendship we need people we can speak to we need exercise we need to nurture our physical bodies Our Minds our souls we need our vitamins we need our sense of humor sometimes we need grief work sometimes we need different types of work somatic work etc etc and that's all extremely important for people to identify how to heal and how to enhance their quality of life internally and emotionally but at the core at the core of all of it yiddishkai teaches us and this is one of its its profoundest messages and that is I could look at my life and still get stuck in that image of saying look at the failures look at the tragedies get jealous of my neighbor get jealous of my sister-in-law get jealous of my second cousin once removed and then get jealous of my fourth cousin twice removed Etc I could live in that fake place of disappointment or I could look at my life and say nothing was a failure Hashem is inviting you to climb not your first Mountain but your second Mountain harness giving us a vision of who you are and what you're meant to become what I meant to become is not something that I need to grasp and something I prepared for and I expected and it works for my ego what I meant to become is something completely transcendent he's in planting a new paradigm inside of me that Paradigm calls for transformation it can feel miserable and raw but that's when I begin anew and that's why from the Kia we're not afraid to go into the shemaram and then go into the truer and realize it's all part of the symphony in fact the main truer is the true that KIA is an introduction so it's not like the schwaram and the trua interrupted your Symphony they did not they did not interrupt your life it seems that way they did not the schwaram and the Chua are the music that we give the world look deep into yourself and ask what is needed for me in this situation in this condition in this reality and you know what happens when you do that you reach at daila only comes after the shemariam and the true that KIA gadola is the ultimate and deepest blast of wholeness it's not broken anymore so I start with Kia that breaks into a shivaram and a truwa and then and only then do I reached it's true Eternal and infinite wholeness that's why it extends into Infinity as much as long as we can blow we're not infinite people it reminds us of foreign those who will got lost somehow can reach them because the shivaram and the truwa allows me to be able to go into all those places in myself from which I can pick up the pieces of my own Ivan Barrett's Asher my only documents I want to wish you all a good yamtif and an amazing amazing beautiful and blessed year thank you and thank you for gracing us throughout the whole year with your energy and your presence and your Holiness and may Hashem give you all but best year ever and it should be a year of the gaula thank you a good adventure to everybody thank you thank you thank you thank you yeah foreign