Cholentface: the Perks of Being a Chabad Rabbi

I feel like, you know how every Chabad House has perks? My brother lives in Mexico and Donald Trump sponsored his entire Sukkah all four walls! I feel like over here, the biggest perk is that you've got eight Mikvahs to yourself the most cleanest, pristine Mikvahs you can even Toivel dishes in there. Nobody will know and what's with this whole thing of no Toiveling dishes in men's Mikvahs? I don't get it. What are they worried about? That people are going to start actually using the dishes and drinking the Mikvah water? Did it used to happen back in the day there were a bunch of old men sitting & talking politics while eating watery spaghetti and meatballs? But I do get it I was once Toiveling a knife and by mistake I dropped it and gave someone a Bris the lifeguard threw me out immediately and ever since then, I'm no longer allowed in kiddie pools or within ten feet of any school Yeah, Chabad! You know, some people hate Chabad and I really feel bad for them because they can't get away from us like you can go anywhere in the world and Chabad is there you run away to Turkey, we'll come and Shecht it you go to Finland, we'll bring you scales fly to Peru, we'll tell you Urevu there's nowhere, you can't get away from us I had a friend who went to a Tzaddik and got a Bracha for Arichas Yomim and the next day got sent on Shlichus to Antarctica Chabad is in Antarctica this poor guy every Sukkos, he sits there shivering in his parka wishing he'd taken that open spot in Yemen every Chanukah, he lights his candles and his entire igloo melts but at least he gets six months of Nittel Nacht so, every Chabad House has its perks, right? There's even Chabad in hell No, I'm just kidding that spot is reserved Helsinki, heh (audience member: For?) For? Chabad of Neturei Karta! You know, those guys, kissing Yasser Arafat waving Hezbollah flags on Simchas Torah shouting SHEMA PALESTINE!! That was maybe too far. Sorry... This Thursday, November 4 in Crown Heights. Frumprov.com