Children And Parents - Practical Applications Of Kibud Av Va'eim - Rabbi Yosef Weiner

Ruka my boy and Boucher Mirchi retire and most of us don't like to welcome everyone to tonight's Shearer older men joining our co-domain base marish older women joining us upstairs and downstairs and everyone listening in on the phone or watching through the live streaming active biggest requester mr. mrs. dolfe nirenberg for exclusively sponsoring tonight's Shearer as you've heard we rely on the support of the seat Tibor to covered expenses of organizing the she room please call area cherie terry at seven one eight eight five one eight six five one or email tape center at Yeshiva net.com have the great exclusive sponsoring or share having a fairly Ghana but it's hard to rob him or calling in with your generous donation to support the serum tonight we have the cover traveled us once again Revere Servine Ashley to rough Kayla shower maíam to speak on a timely topic of children and parents sensitive and timely parameters of interactions by covered the corner of a Viner for tonight Russia Vica Shakya continuing very difficult to challenging yet rewarding work from bball obadike and the rest of the crew I can give aid this that the young men the back were setting up the last four hours testing the mic system so it doesn't work I'll just speak louder the people have noticed just a few advertisements I'm always happy to make them is I have nothing to sell and that is that we have now not to any credit due to me but we have a wonderful technical team in the show on Muncey there are over a thousand cherem and this little thing and I brought them recently to a hawk ale they're all completely free the cost of this hard drive was roughly $10 that's we charge us to make some more and Basham he's making them Laroy so if you I have a dish that it actually works you can't always see what title it is depending on the make of your car but there are a thousand twelve hundred thirty two hundred wherever they're up to but there's a lot of Sherman here Baraka Shem and they're only made for the people who were going to either listen to them for the first time or many of you do Hazara for many of them you've heard in the past so there are some but ladies upstairs and downstairs and over here so just find me or you can find the Zev here once I got by always a gap I I never really leave Flatbush as you see so you can you can give him the money and we'll just make some more or you can go to the website the cards on the tape everything is downloadable and free on the website as well do not get all the website if you don't have a filtered computer I don't want to be responsible so make sure that it's a kosher venue and you can download anything that's past this this is made as of week ago I think that's pretty up-to-date and whatever is new continues to go on the website it doesn't our anytime and call Washington wherever else you would like to get it the topic were on now in Muncie at night Seder is keep a vein I usually take sodium for about three four or five months however long it takes the less again that are being a lot more interesting that I thought it would be the same bliss Alejo and to keep it off aim is turning out to be not less interesting what makes it interesting is the feedback pushback questions that you get after each share which are then of course address hopefully hopefully correctly sometimes in the next year we are only two months into it so what we're gonna try to do tonight keep it off and we touched upon in this venue two summers ago briefly I have enough for the next ten summers so if you know anybody who has children parents or has neighbors or children or parents and this is for you which hopefully will include most of the island and it's a vessel gear not only in terms of the detail in the application but in terms the most earnest coffee shop boy you need constant reminders there's no Mitzvah I can think of Lulu if you take once a year Soaker matzo sashimi okay to my frog and hopefully you do it right Tom Mateo okay lots of time whatever just you learn every spare moment that everybody knows keep it off aim it's one of the few sagas that apply all the time if you're close by and if you're not close by still apply because just don't realize it yet I had a good laugh I was in the phone with somebody that's because of a year ago and he was asking me a very difficult Charlie they want to be interrupted he was in the office all day and he I heard in the background he got a call he screamed out tell him I'm on a long-distance call he got back on the phone he's yeah I'm very sorry excuse me I said you can't use that line anymore that's not in the 1960s there's knows things the long-distance call what's this this is cool okay and MA so I said you're dating yourself and that lie that white lie doesn't work anymore well doesn't work over there and doesn't work if I keep it up am either so wherever your parents might be it's probably not a long-distance call but we'll get into the exact servicing and the parameters there of the so gia is often I can tell from the questions that I get after each point often uncomfortable for people since it's so prevalent and so no gaya people say you know what I'm not that good at this either was the generation far far greater than us abaya says Ashley Mitchell oh come on the very startling statement it's almost better if don't nobody should look for this in Davin ahora did you have the Mitzvah for as many years as you can but in a way it's so difficult if you don't have the opportunity then it's a kimono pottery that was said just as a limit school we look for the opportunity we look for the Mitzvah it's doable that that line is not here to give us you shits here to show us how challenging it might be and they really have to learn it and Huzur it and like a muscle safer you got to hear it over and over and over again so I could just do this here once a year and just Duke Lazaro will take us a few years and hopefully we'll all be hearing good health but we're in the middle of the topic and it'll take us about 80 or 90 She'arim on the on the system so whatever is not clear from here can ask me afterwards or call me or you could just tune in over there and catch up and then continue with us you can send in all your shila's anonymously and ask it the name of your friend and your brother and your neighbor and you could do that here as well if we have time I don't know if we're going to have so with those disclaimers let me choose some of the Paramount central hushed office and themes that we have in the short hour that we have here and hopefully that'll be a catalyst to be able to ask more look into it more despite the discomfort and all the guilt feelings and all the things that go along with the sodium there are three categories to keep it off aim two of them you know about one of them you're about to hear about one is key bud one is Margaret keep it a servicing it might be more we'll get into that later mid-session mara is not challenging them not arguing with them this is like the first few lines a toklas kippa Devane I tell this to children teenagers people in their 20s 30s and 40s they think I'm I made it up it's immigration ma'am you can look it up yourself it's gamar and says you can't argue with your parents I just say that line they're looking at I got four heads you can't argue their parents if you can't argue their parents who can you argue with like most of the arguments with my parents so you can discuss if your opinion is solicited you can comment in a respectful way if they're talking politics and that makes a huge difference in the outcome of the presidential elections and your parents are gonna be the swing votes which means you don't live in New York okay here so if you live in a state with no people and it's gonna be a swing vote then it's Canada then you can argue as nicely as you can to make sure the country is saved whatever direction that happens to be I'm not gonna comment that's not that common that scenario and usually all those questions about politics again sitting around the table they want your opinion join the discussion like it's an office wonderful if they're stating their opinion I didn't ask you for yours when in doubt leave it out it's good for writers speakers and children and you have many many opportunities to pass this nice onion even though it's difficult and we're pretty laid-back about this to the parents a pretty laid-back but we often as parents are mulling yeah we want you to join the conversation and you can even maybe disagree and we sort of expect it but just don't raise your voice and don't say it ELISA think away that's okay if that Mithila is assumed it's not assumed the father starts telling over a story remember he went up to the mountains and we were by exit 103 back in 1979 and you pipe up and say Tom it was 82 makes no difference in story whatsoever stomm for the historical accuracy that's all sir unless he asks you I don't remember was the 79 or 80 to looming Yanam limits Barham and then you answer the question we do that all the time but it's a favorable Hybris I'm hoping I have a lot of cools I'm hoping for it found too many yet I'm hoping that okay situation like that the parents not so tight nowadays we give a little more leeway a little more slack because we have many issues in our generation with the ability to mimic I'm keeping the year of yourself aim some 79 82 you say it hopefully there Michael but the data is you really can't argue it certainly if they're nearly not really interested in what you have to say and they don't care whether it's having it on 82 they want to tell over the story and cane Arab up stories politics and it goes downhill from there certainly when they're trying to dictate policy in the house of what we are and we're not doing and where we are we're not going and all the other things that's when they really probably almost definitely don't want you to argue and again we live in a living and democracy and found the telling of the story this happened in Flatbush I was sitting on the table with my oldest daughter was in fourth grade I think and we I made the mistake of bringing up on Shabbos afternoon what we're doing in six months the next column I'd usually take six months to prepare at the time and they all had a different opinion if some strange region our opinion was the Bronx is one the free day and they had some other more expensive magical things they wanted to see so we said yeah maybe not maybe yeah Shabbos we can't get the nitty gritty mystical a debate over it's good thing my daughter didn't say it's a sham i'mma start slugging me up that she didn't know and then my daughter said well it seems to be a disagreement but she just started learning a social studies that we live in democracy and why don't we put it to a vote so I said I don't think so said well don't we live in a democracy I said well the outside world outside that door there is some semblance of a democracy in this house not really so she starts thinking says she's of learning this now like what is it to you the only other category is that a monarchy I said thank you very much but it's not exactly a monarchy either she's thinking thing as well what else is it I said it's a theocracy and I don't interpret the whole office and the dnm are as interpreted by the parents hopefully asking their child is properly and being behind of the children so that's a difficult point to get across in today's day and age I'm not saying you should come down like a ton of bricks either because you got to know the children in the generation and you gotta there's some wiggle room according to the DAR but if we bend the tree completely the other way then the children go up and as we all know a child that then everything is a yes is not gonna grow up to be a functioning adult nothing to do with from Kuip just has to do with just a functioning adult and I can't overemphasize this point to the parents is not a parenting workshop but I tell them forget the Chohan are for a moment forget the from kite if you want your kid to hold down a job and the first time they're in the office the boss ask them to do something which isn't exactly part of the job description they have two choices they could say no it's not part of my job description or they could be smart and say how do we do it and the children that never got to know just don't know what the word means so they're not gonna be able to function when they get to the real world part of keeping of aim is giving over the massara that's why it's necessary so dippers and I curse a toy which we'll speak about and learning to understand that there's a thority in this world and if you don't learn that even in this generation you have to learn it and if you don't learn it then you can't hold down a job and you can't belong to a community it won't function in a shoal and you're not doing a favor to your children so that's why the backdrop here is so important so we have covered we have Europe here is not arguing not sitting in their chair interesting some mitzvahs have set the dish my everybody knows you don't sit inside these chair that's one the only vestige of any of this is found we don't stand up which okay I'm gonna be making again we assume everybody's Michael because no one's standing up so everybody's Michael okay Nonya always the parents Michael and you do it anyway you get a mess of the race okay the minigames not to stand up and I don't know ask my children to do it however you might want to think of a hillock between standing up and you come into the room versus having a conversation with them when they're completely horizontal looking into a book and barely answering as you're talking to them that's not not standing up that's not dealing with the with the situation so there it might not be asking too much it says can you just close it sit up maybe write 10 second conversation we just have to discuss this so parent & parent things you have to know what it be mostly you don't want to cause a Mitchell if they're not gonna be up to it and there are many things in our generations they're not up to but we can't take seminaries matter your data and we shouldn't because then we'd have to take keep it there's a difference which we're not doing now we're not doing later and it's not to anybody's benefit even if we could model its lon okay so that's Myra without standing his place when I contradicted them hopefully more than necessary keep it at servicing them it might be more we'll get into that later most of the issues full somewhere maybe in between Cuba and my room we'll get to those examples later and there are a bit of a gray area what I'd like to introduce is the third component which is highlighted heavily by the safer hurry them look safe already we've all heard of ok time coats it all the time it's almost a favor so why are we starting off with a safer hurry then it's gone for sure but supposed to be a little nicer so the pillow over here I'm telling you this before I read this and after I read it so you don't think that you could just like space out for the next three minutes it's a lot easier hi Adam how am I so high of them hire them is not very worthy if a paisa Cochrane before the mission we have the higher than the kids are mr. burr hi Adam now the quotes is safer hurry then he quotes it almost verbatim he holds it such a gift fight and keep it our vein and people I'm well aware I deal with a lot of family issues I'm well aware I'll say the disclaimer now and never gets me anywhere I'll try to be my reach a little bit later there are extreme cases where the child is part of and given a vein are extreme cases they're extreme I think not to Hashem Tina on any of our professionals the from professionals usually doing a good job but in the world of psychology when the persons not have been terror and the lady is not a firm lady with the proper office I've had situations where you all know the script you go and you ask what did your mother do what your father did what your grandmother do and and somehow it's blamed on the parents sometimes unfortunately rightfully so and our situations where because of that the emotional scarring and of the abuse is too painful one your talk about their own it's awful mother Patri our case like that I have issued such directives in cases like that layaway no it's over applied clearly and something that you could hide behind you can say look I have Titus I have met a child does not find it but most of the time is the Guru up should be with the understanding that you know I was a kid and my parents loved me gave me everything they need made some mistakes along the way but we're good people and I should start looking at the fact they did so much more for me than I ever imagined that I still have the leave and I'm not sure very Kalyn because of it and to take everything we're dealing with here is serious there races there are no not serious the races I mean a service a dippers would call Hough Dylan in advertising a Top Billing you don't only ten things made into this there's a difference and only two things of whom is promised I realize young name and all sorts of scar because it's difficult but rewarding so I deal with many cases some extreme ones with Attica Potter and some where I felt that was being over applied and the children didn't have a right to disengage because of this Tyner because the parents weren't believed to do this for them and even if I made a mistake people make mistakes but you move on that's an important I know every time I say that I'm gonna get tonight calls and emails what about this case what I realized layaway new there are addressed the cases I just use my Marshallville tree again and when you bend it too much the other way you don't end up in the middle and that's why they say for crate I'm about to read that's quote about Ohio them is extremely important and that is that besides the heave of keyboard and mirror there's a leave of alva of parents you wouldn't believe the comments after I said that avoir now we're going to far kyboot all and Ola Maria I won't sit it's Cherryville now you say anybody says that obviously has serious issues and it could be sometimes the parents fault sometimes the children sometimes combination of other factors it's not always natural that should be so if it's natural I would assume in the vast majority of the cases or a good shape because the safe aquarium will be preaching to the converted and there's a natural Alvin just saying you should always work on the average to bring it to a new high in order to be able to mimic I in the midst of kyboot better because we okay but is loving them not having tine is but doing keep it on the outside is better than nothing but not where we're supposed to be so the challenge will be when the children have issues and pain is and it's not severe enough that they're patrolling gamma ray to disengage they have to leave a Volvo which again should come naturally they have to build on it and if it's not so natural then they have to work on it anyway I had a conversation with somebody in the past month when we give too many Marvin chemists and his opening line a good guy I would see their issues going on as opening line was I hate my father that's pretty jarring so I have to know a little bit was going on I said let me just help you with that it might take you a few years to internalize this but you could maybe take that hate and turn into pity the father positions it's a netbook he's not a rush or get into that soon and we're gonna like is is really the macabre the parent is a Russia but these are the extreme cases I'm just trying to work from them backwards that even in a case where there are sometimes there are some issues if you're having tightness then if there's something there that was done wrong then usually it's because other things most people are inherently good just have issues and it's coming out the wrong way often the China is not strong enough to even have that emotion but you can't change the motion overnight is the relief to do it safer craven says yes it's part and parcel omits the key but it's not a value-added it's a real thief let me read to you some of his Russian and we'll see with the high up that brings down as well near a dicker mitzvahs keep it believe is it also in the category of keyboard is the eager kyboot why how a history has borrowed my joy shem compares keep it up aim to keep it on welcome who use barking this rhyme yesh ILO Navi says over from Akash bahu that um had a tiny glycerol very famous plastic BP vobis fossa of keep Doon evilly boy we me many which means that we hidden you were doing the mitzvahs but the heart was somewhere else knew so what's better not to do the mid-season have your heart something so Hashem so he also knows that the only thing worse than this is we're not doing this at all soshim said but you you're doing the Miss list but you also have to increase your other session and you have to increase your kimono and saver kratom says just like the plastic makes it clear that it's a time now on the events of sham if your heart is not in it that's not real covered Kalama shekar kapoor they believe and if you're not in it you're going through the motions which again is better they're not doing it but you're missing most of the boat if not all the boat so what do I do with this young man who tells me he has this emotion I said you're still alive and keep it up aim I'll get back to the case later he time his father was a Russia I'll explain why it doesn't apply and I've had a few of these of enemies listening and they think it's him it's probably not I had a few in the last month and we have a situation where the safe of horrid dim not only says this is an acre part but he quotes a very frightening zoya zoya Carter says MacGyver a dish todo LaBeouf Siravo of email person was established and servicing his parents there Rock M lon first description the Rock'em lon he loves them he or she Yasser me gourmet loves him more than his own goof Bona after that America says that that plastic is a good move is it can't be natural to love somebody more than you love yourself so is that is this a good more not or there's something about Cuba of a me even have to raise the bar on that if you love them as much as you love yourself you're in good shape but desire says even more the dinner sherry I'm roba me Jewish safe a Creighton continues calm it says keep it off aim he purifies I've been five refer lovely more hot toy washer gum Lou so I've had certain situations in the children say I don't owe them anymore I was my hobby there for a number of years I paid it back already I'm all paid up there is no such thing they say that finders and they think they're really gave back more they said I was already I've run Ribbit's one kid told me I said I wouldn't worry about it there's no no rebus over here and the kharsa tell you there's endless and it's execs a cousin even if they didn't do a very good job even if you don't feel so much like ours to tell you something mohabbat them unless you have a tour Russia which we'll discuss and that's a very very rare me Shana mohab dumb necro Russian if you don't exercise this keyboard and do it right called the rush of this civil over Russia will you shamans like a lover borrows money doesn't pay back they ain't know the macabre the emojis Avis cushions bottle of sherry - hush a modem boy he quotes the footnote in the safe of hurried him there on bond around bono homies a Deborah says the reason it's in the Lucas on the first side is because this history Clayton with title Michael interesting Schuyler random have a weakness on this is keep it off a Avera both knife communities if you didn't do it right and you want to do truven you have to first ask people and get my fila before you approach Abajo like any other better than Mahavira so I'm bond clearly insinuated primarily been Amla Malcolm doesn't you shouldn't have some of people when I see hurt somebody's feelings to keep it a vein shibai that's like a regular bit on the prevention boy is primarily but on the Lamar come as well see soon the plaintiff says because if you don't have a curse to tithe to people and especially to your parents you not to have a curse and because the need to give over the Masseria parents the children whatever the reason is that my bond says that's why it's found on the first part of the Lucas that rice and the Rambam the Rama map says the favors that it's well mice uh local mice you have to ask Aquila anyway and they get to do to vote because it's probably a little of both this entire safer hurried them the thief to love them and to increase the otha it's called by the high alderman the high Adam goes I stepped further after quoting this which he holds is never push it how often Gavin afire thumbs quoting a safe and hurried them he recalls him and he says even more hockey bird who be about Chhavi a while look this up and frame it its claws some of Zion who keep it off a m-- I'm reading now from SIF cotton get more after we call this a fur parade them in all of them base hockey bird who be about shava but my serba deburr the Merkava is mohab dumb Billy Boy listen carefully this is challenging hob ee boy you should macabre them in your heart to the extent shame Calvin been of a bully boy that they're so hush of in your mind in your heart what does that mean I know shahid ma baina of shame good day lovin Epidaurus you should have yourself convinced that they're the most harsh of a people around so of course the immediate question is well what if I know and you know they know everybody knows that they're not so my understanding is that you can't think that they're there it's impossible to have 12 million members of class on every single one who's still a parent as the gun loader and it can't be that some time now the hi I'm just means you should convince yourself to the God or even though you know deep down they're not that's lying to yourself no more alright what it means is every year has their categories they excel in they're good at included everything and they're better at certain things and the child often is privy to seeing the godless that every Heyliger year does probably doesn't want to show off and often most of the myths is nice and even that people do we find out about that Olivia and that's the way perhaps there should be because that's just to show off and the children in the house should be able to get a glimpse of that godless so they should take an example of two or three or four that might be twenty categories and focus on that to try to energize themselves so that the kyboot furthest away then is not just skin deep and it goes toward IVA and very deep respect not just lip service and that's not a fight that means got to think about it you gotta find these categories and get work on it and even when you see a media that came out perhaps in a bad way in a bad day you ignore it and you say that's not the real mother or father and they're really the midst of some nice I'm datin that I see and I see the parts where they shine that's the real parent that I'm looking at and the hire them holes that this is a sieve the other and the keep it believe speaking of jarring I'm just I'm still in the Alpha portion even though we spoke out somehow losses Reb yankov brings down it's it's almost like case you don't wanna think about lately New Orleans lon but to bring the point home in terms of the album is serious an average you have to have for parents if you ask anybody I rigged it now because you know what I'm getting at it but if you ask anybody in the street try I've tried on after the sheriff the mayor of monoliths la la la no a ship is going down and the blue vein is on the ship and there's one more lifeboat with two seats and he has two children and two parents on the boat what's the din din means it's a din now how far you have to do it and you should understand to do it because that's the whole construct of the key bit of aim see ask 100 people have a hundred people the greatest of all personal hazards for their children so if you didn't think about this and hopefully never been okay you would say it's a terrible decision have to make and but my kids go first ahead of me Bianca says that it's pretty clear to him that the pants go first because he would keep it of aim that wherever I repeat that I for their people like on this a month trying to slug it up they just can't that shows you how safe it buried them says yeah Baba is the Ava's a guy Kiev has a puss ik as he always does better with the puskás you kept bringing up the conversation yeah cause you know they really got to go down to me trying because I'm running out of food you know let's go down look here Dominic knew parent make the decision is not gonna get a light boat no matter what I tell them who's next come a-knockin Oh gah motto that's you top parents and then come to pay me away no what's never gonna be no gaya but it suddenly puts this into focus and most people are not wired that way it's almost it's a pitch to me even as I say it over it's not the first time saying it over is that a sham putting the Tavor that the greatest obvious is leaving the parents to the children and yet like many other areas a sham asks us to subjugate our emotions to the few them and the few of them are on the parents in many ways heavier than on the children another drastic example broccoli may know this you know there's a Turkish many other roughly man has stole the trophy she did that cool of the shame she mind if anybody could do something a hundred selfish Mart's roughly a minute coolers change remember had absolutely no agenda she wasn't selling it the secondary market she wasn't melting it down had no interest in walking around with these Troezen and lovin was aggravated normally aggravated you care if and I'll better photos aggravated you can't find his arse but alone is less than they shouldn't be inevitable what do we care so normally we wouldn't care because we want them to be losing their lives ours happens to be lovin is her father and even though she got immense scar from trying to wean him off of the ever deserves by the way she knew full well that when he goes back home home make some more one of the only advantages more than fond of thinking of it about Zara is if you ever lose one you just make one the next minute the only advantage I could see just by one of your local outlet keeping today probably ordering online and you know till the people who order online without their filters so what so you can order it and you know make another one but the gods are not indispensable so what was she saving him from the answer is three days four days a week of voters I was also something cool Ashish my my mitzvah rabo mastery somebody for me Sara cabal dig so sorry Cutler says is that vis-a-vis their garam there many majorem behind this born the reason she died in childbirth and that gonna need the K Mead over here was she wasn't there to raise her son because she didn't do keep it up that means when you person is faced with a shiloh and and I've had all of these and then some doctor said that he should really cut down the cigarettes and he asked me for cigarettes but Farish like mitts for the rights are servicing your at the airport stop at the duty-free shop I want one of those big packs like on the skids I can address that Schuyler now it's a severe Schuyler it depends how many he smokes today and how bad the situation is but it's not push it even though the kid thinks this is great I finally get a chance to do something for my father and it's like of all to commit to the problem easy keep it up aim is a dangerous dangerous situation when you're doing something as aggravating him even if you mean well you gotta be very very careful and cigarettes almost remember even this I'm Sarah relation with Asura today I'm not a doctor if you smoke one a week it probably won't make a difference I just want this kid load because it's cheaper let me handle how many I'm smoking a week it's not the reckless never necessarily and might be after getting a direct order none of his business and the same thing with one schnapps too many and many other things that the children face but Zahra Carthage does say that Lamesa she got punished even though the right thing even though was ever going to more macarius just to show the seriousness of the backdrop of the so yeah they are cranium shyam discuss in general were the rules for brokers which mitzvahs do we say broca's on which ones we don't we do HESA talka no broker keep it a vein no broker why not they're different rules some of them apply to all then some are specific to mr. Ashbaugh says he aside whenever you need somebody else to cooperate to get the Mitzvah done there's no brothel not because he might pull out but since it inherently involves somebody else since he could be michael it's not the same level of the MYSA mitzvah that's the rosh hashanah strippers Benjamin Zev says that if you have a situation where Mitzvah is not knickers am I so mitzvah you can also do I said doing keep it up aim not Nick Rosa my sim it's true didn't make a brought it's interesting because I thought it's counterintuitive if it's not knickers and I some it's for there's more read the make a broker to make it more nikkor stamen interestingly enough says the reason they were miss ocular brothel is because it's so daunting a task and often we do 50% of job 80% of the job but it's one of those mitzvahs that's hard to do Lula van Esther you know you don't see so could you relate say all the cop honors all these Liars maybe not but you yet see here you gotta try your hardest you can't give up but to make a brothel and then mess it up cause I weren't interested which again shows you how concerned they were that it wasn't being done a hundred percent and again that's not the cause ish that's to help push the agenda of the focus the safer mayor charm is a lot on keeping off aim I'm gonna beat his lotion because when I don't know what age you have to be to be the Sandwich Generation I guess everybody in Flatbush is 10 years older than when I left so roughly so I assume that as people get old and we want that to happen that's a good scenario and we'll keep it of a name but you get challenging and people living longer so today's 80 is the new 60 or whatever they say and it's true partially bukchon people healthy and they're living long can you boo he has a lotion he wants to remind people of something we know but when it becomes okay if it becomes legaia it really takes extra mysterious nefesh which means extra star and I always tell the people asked in the Shiloh just keep in mind every time you bite the bullet and every time you go ahead and do it or hold your peace and don't say anything those are arguments you might be buying like nine days of life or nine weeks on how difficult it is but that's quite a deal how people let me hear that they say yeah I live in Muncie I'm gonna do Saluja con douche a little joke on May June and July maybe pick and choose he says meet Emma ha alarm Shiva horribly all dumbass Keenan when people get older mich tannin vanilla and liqueurs this Kate eight sometimes they get more nervous and they get agitated their frog has a kam chef Roland Torres Roberts sometimes people have more difficult life slowly no and it's gonna wear them down closer King schemata Yadav I heard them afraid them a child has to understand a child who 75 who's bartosz am servicing a parent who is 99 these are real numbers boss Hashem today have to understand that as great as they are it still gets a little more challenging and they have to work with them and sometimes oil anal ok nice and the thumbs Varma sure look I can they do things that are embarrassing I take em it's tiring in mumble a day some lafiel sir aha Bentley's early charmer give of us ain't no like the apple of your eye Schlitz I'd say by my same don't let it scare you don't get said don't get perturbed Elias Bhavesh the VA doc eh scarlet Palazzo la boum sera grow now the ROM mom does say if it comes a point you can't handle them you doing more damage than good then let somebody else service but that's a decision we have options in nursing homes in other facilities but we don't give away a Mitzvah as precious as this and do it Mitzvah I - Lia if we know making process which needs a lot of objective opinion and it has to be a very deliberate careful decision and what works for one is not necessarily gonna work for the other now the in-between category which is love these shila's okay mostly some buffer but maybe the married children already the parents dunno don't know question answers the buffer which I do whenever I get the chance there are always new fascinating questions but there's like 10 or 20 of them that if they didn't usually throw the question myself the dogma take the smoking so whether motor uh sir Alicia held it wasn't advisable parents tell their son I don't want you smoking may be here every here such an outlandish request I think leave to listen well they get shy if they listen for sure never could I take a risk and aggravating then but are they believed to listen what's the did parents asked them the going on vacation they go to canticle India Shiva I want you to take your vitamins take your vitamin C everyday vitamin D and whole regiments that's easier they're not smoking by the way but ok you gotta remember take your back do you have to take a vitamins do with them it's called out it's 51 degrees put on your coat voltage should sound very familiar if you didn't experience this I wouldn't have such um suggest you mother's not Jewish but it almost sounds like this is like the parents would almost be not focused on the job they wouldn't be saying this kids take risks teenager tickets and parents are here to try to always suggest that they don't think with what's the bin so it's a three-way match like is every possibility some say based on do you confirm me shining Kumar I'm Claire but there's a rush bring your pharmacist seems to say this that it's not at the keeper this is not servicing them doesn't serve his damned if I do where I don't smoke and let's state I know they they want me to be around long enough that they can help them in their old age okay that's no interesting argument you could say about the vitamins also perhaps it's not servicing them directly and he's probably not gonna catch pneumonia but Hashem he goes out without his coat it's his life it's not helping them and therefore it's not the kyboot the murderer because perhaps murder is only when I argue with that my arguing I'm just going out map that my coat now as you are probably thinking right now that's in my mind are pest might go with that it's a difficult position to understand or accept cause these doesn't like it and many others don't like it either first of all if your mother you're about to walk in the door you mother says put on a coat not ninety degrees you could put in the coat then it won't be that bad for you you just think you don't need it you're only walking 4050 blocks and you'll be fine so what's the problem and kids walk out healthy I Munsey they've it's been like seventeen degrees and they're only going to the next house which is two miles away so okay young you think you always feel but are they servicing me I've covered I told her coat they walk they look at me the coat that's not my children and you walk out of the things so is that not arguing with your parents you didn't say no I'm a pineco you just annoyed them so cousin he says why isn't that a violation of my room you have to argue Pamela it's obvious if they don't know whether you take it off that there's more to discuss if they don't know they won't find out of course your mother will find out by the way so I wouldn't try that it's at cameras all over the place but if we they wouldn't find out there is our sheet does Marischal the father might be a little bit better why is not the same as arguing it's an argument that house these holes that it's on the Marigny holds that even the rash brother held it was just not getting your vomit let's say that the spits keyboard is servicing them but it's under keeping in my rainy the girl seems to say that as well as do many other our forum when the bokram asked about the smoking last week somebody asked me about the drinking beer I said your mother asked you not to drink beer I think I'm gonna get her number because that's a shy little liver already I said not to you have a drinking problem like you go to a shows off but you wanna have a beer mother is far short of fine lady she doesn't want to send drinking beer that's not gonna work today call me a liberal you got to know what's gonna work what's not gonna work you say you don't want them to drinking heavy liquor maybe not try you don't want them getting drunk that might work and it's not servicing them listening so it's at least many holds at least Myra Syme holds on to keyboard again there are they make human either above dealing with their Isis it's probably not could die to start up the application brought down the rise they bring it from a famous my Rick's my Rick is brought down bother our mom and this is an important case that's the only case that's brought down the questions wise though I'm only saved this case let me tell what the case is there are mothers quota my wreaked that if the child found a wonderful shooter he wants to marry this young lady and everything's all set to go and objectively as does Rebbe and he s the design to V&A yes the shots when the shots will certainly gave an honest opinion and they all agree that she's the one evolving and for some strange reason the parents of a shovel I hope it doesn't come up too often it doesn't come up that often I've had too many cases of it but that's sad of thousands of I've had only four this year to them we got her been in the same page that's the good news you get with the program or that's a good conversation to have when the only on the fourth date and he thinks he decided the night before the vote that's not an easy conversation to have when the parents to Lauren coming because usually the parents are the ones vetting it in the first place Hashem is not the norm well for then my rig says unequivocally a child does not have to listen can I advise he does because they might be talking tough Liz but he does have to listen now my Rick brings now three different reasons why he doesn't have to listen one of the three is this sukhiya and that is it's not servicing that one of the businesses your life and a plant like keepers man tomorrow that's only one for three reasons the other two reasons is he's about to do a mix with the ricer and he's gotta do mitts for they'll say I'll get you another one that's gonna be otherwise that's amateur listen parent can ask you're doing a very another race another bond not a minute kept by multiplier all that last category is a separate so you mention a few if we have time over here wants to get married so the race to get married or have some it's approval and it doesn't have to that's the second reason his other reason is is that even on the Todd's that you were to listen if he's run in your life and it's more than I miss for any Mitzvah over here we pass the initial envelope if you have to spend money in this Mitzvah so certainly if you're having a have stood and now you're not gonna be behind the Mitzvah with the next young lady because you think that you missed the boat you don't have to give that up the question is need all three reasons the big knife come in over here or third reason would have been enough the first two is specific to this everybody's masking that if the parents they ask you to do something and it's cramping your style not the way kids say can't cramping install it means putting on a coat is not that difficult even though they think it is and not smoking is probably also not that difficult and hard liquor on a consistent basis these are things that are normal requests over here if the case is reviewed by some of the objectives they're all is ready somebody some of the community and it's good sugar why the parents objecting I've had some very strange situations let me quote three the most common ones first one is money second one is money the third one's money there's the three most common ones I've had all the ones also it could be too much money too little money whatever the case may be there are other reasons also they have this idea and if it's mama should be zillion for the family then maybe wouldn't apply okay but the points of the Myrick that a child doesn't have to do something that's gonna alter his lifestyle when it's not necessary and it's over the top is where everybody agrees the child does not believe you if they do it and they bend over backwards they get unbelievable higher but if it becomes the law of diminishing returns and there are various of shame is lacking this seems like it's just not working then you don't have to do it's not even happen too often mother the father had her heart set on him becoming a doctor my son the doctor used to be very popular he wants to become an accountant let me take something diametrically opposed he wants to become an accountant they want them to become a trial lawyer those two personalities are different enough so he's gonna be lawyer the accountant so listening over here be very wonderful of him to try that might not be too good for his general sinful sahayam then he's not believed even as a hitter so you got to know what works and what doesn't and what what the former is the real chef is a fascinating children cut his troopers he talks about a son who was raised by a Sparty father who was not from his maturity he was raised in a community that was completely Ashkenazi went to Ashkenazi achievers the father seventy Chavous to his credit Gavin the siwash ganas the whole nine yards and then the father became a football Trouville when the son was 35 it became a very proud Friday which is wonderful truth that's so far so good where it got a little difficult when he came to a son one day and said I demand that you switched to Gavin Hardy not know so far even I can maybe handle that and the son who's not a kid and just not easy and his friends he's in a community like it so well the ocean was a whole truth wanted and he said that if he wants to do and he could do with wonderful and I guess the father not has cabal dick he finds it too difficult he's not mafia because that's a change in lifestyle and you'll say well that he's as far to me MacArthur says that the mimic is not add in only in the minute of the parents it's the many of the parents with the minute you brought up with if you're brought up in this scenario he says your mimic is Ashkenaz maybe that's friday post game who would I'll give that point but it's not only an all teachers terrorism fo so there's an example relatively benign and while the OSHA said over their business my Rick do you don't have to listen if you do it's a very nice hitter you give knock house wonderful the kid interestingly enough this 35 year old young man ended up switching and then the grandfather came over to his son who had already switched and told him that your son this the grandson is getting married and if the cosna is not completely Safari min Hagen if he doesn't switch I'm not coming that already is so he shined look he came back in this trailer was should I convince my son is that now keep it over aimed for me or for his grandfather there is a cleave keep it open for the grandfather the father and the kid knows this father didn't want to do it himself these things get complicated but the Marek is passed Caen the question is which one was the main reason in terms of the I'll just go through this quickly this took me about three weeks that you can you can access the macabre past cos based on the Gemara that if the father asked for a glass of water and the mother asks for a glass of water and the child is stuck in the crossfire now in a normal situation normal home this will only happen if the other player didn't hear the first parent giving the first directive otherwise what kind of marriage is that unless they're constantly fighting it every time the mother asks is something the father screams out and he wants something now excellent my sir the kids in the in the room I'll make it a modern scenario the father called them on the phone he's five blocks away of course did another mother essence mean something and the mother called somewhere else I'm stuck it at the moistures discount I still still still have a flat the neighborhood I can you pick me up but the father call them he's a midtown Manhattan and not coming what do you do so the Camaro says quite clearly that you do the father's bidding first because out of implying Beckford that she is a ship it to the husband and doesn t the husband's better the wife but she is a she boot that's a complicated topic to explain but this is atomizer and of course we hope the scenario will 9:00 tonight and the time and the fact that the father will overhear that he's on the other phone the same time mommy just call me the ha ha be cold you forget it I'll stay in Manhattan overnight you just go pick her up and that story but if that doesn't happen first what happens if you're peeling potatoes 1 error pacer in the kitchen for your mother and chilling potatoes she gave you 55 potatoes to peel the father runs in yong-chol you have to come out I just got a flat I need you to help me jack up the car so - I'll push the phones allowed to say I'm in the middle of peeling potatoes that sighs what's the s done with the dinners that the father sees peeling potatoes and say forget it I'll just leave it with the flat you help your mother do something you started doing it so now these I see a missile permit saboteur it's all sir to leave the first minutes of designing for the first mitzvah so somehow friend have a fascinating notion that that's true by mitzvah a to mitzvah B if you think about it for a moment mitzvah a is the Mitzvah of keep it on a name and it's for B is the midst will keep it of aim so maybe there's not a violation if I seen it and a lot of jump from one to the other it's the same it's so easily and they're our friend in that say such a notion not but I get to keep it off aim I found the trooper from applying and putting out a lot of interesting troopers of play many moms provides us somebody ask them he already started with his mother was the den should he stop and the client says absolutely not a scam it's a button it's fun he says and don't tell me it's the same it's fun it's irrelevant you started you can't stop what you're doing only if both things come in you didn't start anything and hopefully this won't happen too much the macabre postions quite clearly if the son wants to learn out of town and objectively his robbing or somebody who knows is going on agrees that it's more important for his learning to go out of town and the parents don't want it because they're gonna miss them and they want him home older they need help he's not leaving them take care of them only natural happens all the time the din is that if it's clearly better first learning he's allowed to leave I've mentioned that after hearing the father and the son in a few scenarios and the father and everybody would ask me afterwards does the show say who has to pay for it it's a good question not so push it I said well your key event Talbot area is to make sure that your son gets to a level it's a complicated story unto itself but you have to teach your son just the basics the sheriff says you gotta finish the basics yourself which Rob says is only shot Bob Lee you shall be so free so from Little Miss Robin so if you wait till your son says that you never practice is you have to get him up to a my Drager where he's able fencing in the book what level of that so it's not a frayed is my tenth grade maybe its second year best measures maybe a second year Cole maybe it's for Thea biz major somewhere around there so when the father asked me that I said well depends it's a Swiss to pay once he's going already but depends was holding it is learning same thing would apply to any situation as they mentioned before where the father is uncomfortable with something that son is doing and it's add-in if they did eraser or dendera Bonner there's nothing to discuss you do it carefully the father often if a father count their man's this is because he feels unsecured insecurity he's just not doing himself there's what you're doing it if the real damn there's nothing to discuss if it's a Minich father doesn't have pay us not long not behind the ears it's friends habits well your sheepish is there lemmy's in it wasn't even the meaning in Europe it is now no tight on it but what's the din so usually I pull the father aside and I clue him in and what's going on the world I said I Shrek Allah this is your aggravation this is your big problem in the world the kid wants to have pay as I said any other prom at home says no everything else is fine the father if you want to put the dinners if you press me the dinner is that the kid has to listen to you I don't think that's very smart why the father what's the issue over here is it usually an insecurity more from makes me look bad does make him look bad it makes him look like he raised a son and he wants to do it was the problem same thing with the guard told one same thing with any of the traps unless he thinks is something dangerous or unhealthy but then he's got to prove it and might be the case but often not let me just touch upon keep it all though I'll be Russia because hope it's a la MYSA but it goes back to the it really needs a separate saga because as I mentioned the firm therapists have to deal with this they consult us terror and they suggest be worked out and sometimes the kid is Pato or Potiphar a time or it has to be curtailed the interaction so everybody's healthy quite often it's the kids not thrilled about everything that he didn't get and the parents perhaps made some mistakes that's not a reason why they're labeled is a charm or somebody I don't to listen to because I'm not as happy as I should be the Rambam postions that our child is five and keep it up and even if it's parents or a showing and the case is appellate deserve our mom spells it out the ROM mom says if the kid is a mom's there and the parents are we show him the parents are shaman that's why he's a mobster can't get worse than that talk about emotional baggage I am answer can become bigger then our merits and he can see he does not find his parents hack in the ROM but just put it into how can the brown mom say so heave kid but he shouldn't have the right not to talk to them you have to move on with your life before you start he's fine I'm says time at the moms they're my stuff here for his parents legitimize their issues and didn't do to via there are more says yes I remember it's not true and they didn't achieve the optimal table with them that's interesting many are forum Ashkenazim like the others this is rare say that's my mom's not really arguing in the macabre because when he really argues he says 'yeah i mirage Vulcan and then he says behind a curve okay now minik he doesn't say that here the Pima Gotham says bending your are they are that there are Mars just mentioning another sheet they are the arguing and they suggest many of the a lot of they pay skim that suffocates the hormone you should be happy then even if they were show him again if there's no severe collateral emotional damage that the child can't deal with and can live a healthy life that means that in the case I was talking about before three cases he said he doesn't like his father because father does this that and the other thing I said allegedly he did this that the other thing I don't know that you don't know that you can't poss skin he's a Russia number two you often says quite clearly Russia is either a rush Allah Hafiz people like that today or more militant that he's doing constant divers of this very serious nature not a G felon over here over here and over here not a good guy he has to work it work it work himself out he's got improved it doesn't make him a Russia so to be making on this day and first of all you have to assume we possibly liked almost our malls really arguing them a fiber which is available then you have to really designate him as a Rasha and you have to be an Ashkenazi and you have to make sure you're not my father him the shock over there says quite clearly it means you don't do Mohammed and case in point the young man's was talking to they mentioned that he hasn't really talked to him for about a year so I thought that was a good more you if you meet in the hallway he said if I seem come down we both looked the other way now I don't think that's not lack of covered I said that he said I'm mama vaasam no one's know one thing I said get in and take your vows and around him but it's a bazillion so before anybody thinks of applying this rule the first and foremost you can't pass Kenny's a rush Oh somebody else has to be possible that and then you have to know whether you can really rely on there are more and no what you're doing is not a bazillion I'll end with will save the rest of mr. Scheffer next year and with one very fascinating Yara's dvash try gayness and I wish it's yes and I miss tickle on perm so remember this throughout the whole year and stayed over on perms it's a fascinating fascinating idea he's the one who was mahadesh that the reason Esther Amaka had to be chosen to fight on Moloch is because she's the only one in that generation who did the midst okey bit of a him perfectly she did perfectly we shouldn't have any parents and the rule is that whenever you can't fool yourself but if you're about loss my Dre girl I guess there was or Obama dragged in any area and you really want to do a mitzvah and you can't be ziering honest Hashem gives you the full scar Kayla you did it that is assuming Shem knows whether you really would have done it esta maka really would and she always in pain I never got a chance to keep it a vein so she absolute a plus and keep it over him which nobody else gets because it's a difficult mid phone we shoot for 1995 shoot 400 you'll end up at 90 that's Cavalli only she could take down I'm all the case of who excelled in the midst of keeping our vein that's his opening line and then he makes a comment this is a while ago and it probably got more difficult since then he naisu taka Kozma Gullu bhai haseena Robin bear fruits you sir Alba keep it of aim he said our generation it's going downhill he'll already oil on okey Bhuvana Santa Robin Olam haba harvest ma - laburnum shaiiaja so a lane where the situation with the parents are have to flatter their children they shouldn't get angry at the parents Ruby may perm a loo this applies lawyer royal in Ibrahim kyboot limo because that's the whole source of the issue of perm and he gets any weights that will be this colossal level believe it or not the ghoulish Lane was told in many things and keep it a Fame is one of them according to this Yaris dvash he's ooey I saw holiday Esther Vanetta and he gives an example unbelievable he says he's noticed context the permits the perm examples told my perm but you apply it to wherever hopefully you didn't see it and while you should also offers the bond among us caffee I arrived sound like it's married children they send the aschoff money see sent to your kids kids a flat person a month seeing like whoever the Olivia sending out some packages he says he's seen that kids when they don't get exactly what they wanted their favorite pie their favorite schnapps their favorite beer and cigarettes or whatever it was or they found out that their sister in a different city he got one more jelly bean or something like that year but left out of the human Locker how long you cos I love every other love well go on strike and I'll get angry - I'm not coming to the perm see this time he was break is that you didn't send me the cake I wanted so she'd like babka I can't stand apple pie and their trainers and if they come yellow but Panama so if I stick a diamond but come at a long face Oh Amy shepherd bassist Rollo hookers Croydon photo maka me if goobers feel had their thoughts moment how can you not be my can't kill for them and half time is because they didn't give you something then give you enough money didn't give you enough treats it again you can't do that now everything's age-appropriate something younger they don't understand that but we have to have to me my whole because you don't want to be not show them too much but you also have to teach them that if your medical all day and all night you don't teach them responsibility you don't teach them the fact that I curse our toys means we give you what we you think you need and then some and if you don't get everything you can't have pain this and based on this your is lavash now we have not only a promise from the shaman and for the Rambam reason this in the earth first saw there's a difference it's welcome like ours I tell you I'm giving over the Messiah now we also have the only way to bring the ghoulish lame-o is to utilize this course to undo this course of a 7 I'm more like I'm it's a sham will improve it and I bring the ghoulish lamer again the hard drives are available $10 a piece for the actual hard drive the sure enroll for free you help yourself sorry those of you're not satisfied with just add in I don't want to be McAuliffe name you sure said in you could sponsor a shared your parents or those of yours I have still have parents sponsor sheriff Lloyd them if they're not with us any anymore you could still sponsor the show even if Muslim call you Ashera Tara seven one eight eight five one eight six five one email tape Center at Yeshiva net.com for the great source and opportunity thank you big Esther character mr. mrs. Dolph nirenberg for exclusively sponsoring tonight's Shearer CDs of tonight sure will be available shortly as your character one for coming on you in a costume I wrote a Kazakh Caesar Lafitte hibblen time it's an MRI note officer man