Chesed of Yesod - Counting the Omer - "Commitment to Love" - Rabbi Alon Anava

[Music] now we're starting a brand new week the week of your soul so we have two weeks left in spirit mm we're almost done and today we're gonna be counting we already counted at night yesterday by Assad which means that yesterday was the 35th day of the army and we're going into a completely different territory this week in assault last week we were talking about hold admitting tanking and so forth and this week we gonna talk a lot about winnings now weddings is not between also a man and a woman I mean that's how it should be but briefly swim it means when two people are coming into sub-type of a relationship a covenant but we're all gonna talk a lot about weddings weddings are important wedding is a marriage the media the attribute of perfection in in marriage is the love that we have in our soul we have a media in our soul of kisses of love and when does it come to perfection is when two souls get together in a marriage if you looking at the major thing in this world it's all about finding my other half and then now I'm with her for the rest of my life and and this is when you're looking at it in a general way the marriages are very profound thing people from when they're young they're already who am I gonna marry when am I gonna get married my seven year old she's like what am I gonna wear for my wedding well it's gonna be in ten years 15 years I don't know what you're gonna wear so but nevertheless the me dying the soul that is called Ahava of cressid it's what is it in perfection is when there's a marriage and as a connection now usually this is in a normal situation people will get married out of love in some situation people get out of may get married because they of money or they want a green card or whatever it is I'm in a normal situation marriage will come from love now if we're going to the first she do in history the first couple in history dammit hey Bob then it says when Adam and Chava they became so to say together then the Torah says therefore they left so to say their families and the man the vac ratio he got so to say glued to his wife and the vac comes from the word enabled the could the cooties when I'm really attached to something after that the verse says bhai you libous avocado and they became one flesh what is that referring to referring to a child when a husband and a wife are together they become one flesh that means they have a child together like I said before that every action that you do will birth something so in this situation they went together and the result was a child now this is a child that was born out of love out of a connection talking about now now in general now because the normal people say listen most marriages are not what you're talking about but the idea is that diamond cava or husband and wife woman in them and a man they came together out of love and the result was a child now the whole week of your sword we're going to talk about like I said a lot about weddings a lot about marriage and all the relationships and connection because the Assad is there the inner hook Assad is a foundation the translation of this ode is a foundation but nevertheless Assad is the last of all 60-watt that are called zeir anpin and the Assad is the so to say the basin that receives all the chef's are all the abundance from all the spirit above and then it will give it over to them a hood so the Assad is so to say the connector the hook between the spirit above to the spirit below so you saw it in every situation will be the connection the hook that is connecting something sometimes you look at any type of a connection any type of a relationship something has to be the hook there if not there's not going to be anything move any any unity so your soul is the inner hook the inner you of any type of connection when you're looking at sha by Assad this is the love that causes the hook and love when it's the right way this is called the real love and the real love is what we're gonna hook two people together so I'm not talking right now when a covenant is done because of benefit I'm talking about just because of love this is the messenger by a soul that there's going to be the power of love that will connect two things together now practically saying I have a lot of relationships I have a mother oh gosh I have a father I have kids ever Wi-Fi friends I have cousins that who not only meet everybody there's so many relationships now practically saying I have to see and recognize the love in all these connections because the love is going to be what's connecting the two souls together and if I'm already somehow connected to people it's all by chance it's not that randomly happen to that I'm connecting to these many people if anybody's in my life that's because it's a design divine plan already so must be that there's a connection between every person in my life now I have to recognize the true love in that connection this is the the real essence of Hesed shibai Assad day Assad is going to be the fact that I have a connection with a bunch of people and that will be what's connecting me sometimes you can have a relationship with your parents or a child and the relationship is a horrible relationship but nevertheless that's still the parent or still the child or whatever connection it is but there's one thing that connecting doesn't mean the relationship has to be a great relationship but nevertheless the connecting part is done because there's some type of love between it doesn't mean that I see it in a obvious way many times in the relationship it's not obvious and many times in a relationship person says I know that's my father I can't stand the person not me I'm just saying in a general and a general example that I have a certain individual in my life and I say I can stiii I don't know I can't even stand that person but I can't get rid of my child or my parent or my sibling what the point here is to understand that maybe in this situation I don't hate the person I might not like the behavior of the person but I not I don't hate the person itself here it comes to taking it to the next level and saying if that person is in my life I'm not talking about a neighbor talking about a parent a child a spouse and so forth there has to be some type of love in that connection love is not just what you think of for making hearts and they all this nonsense if there's any type of a connection between me and another person it's just some type of love there now I need to know how to recognize that love in there and now how come much I'm committed to the love in this relationship and in some cases and I'm talking right now only in the negative because when everything is positive there's no problem there's no death to do here many people don't understand why they have a bad relationship with their child or with their parents or with their spouse and sometimes when it comes to a spouse okay let's get divorced that's not necessarily a solution to get divorced sometimes it's a certain individual then they come in we have a horrible marriage we don't get along we don't see eye to eye nothing in common blah blah blah I want to get divorced that's not a solution some people it's a nigga's are lame it's a decree from above that they have to deal with a health problem all their life some people they have to deal with poverty for all their life some people have to deal with a child that is a challenge or whatever some people have to deal with a bad marriage so what you're just gonna give up I know it's not a good at it's not answer that the ears like to hear but there are few couples that I told them why you're right away running out to our divorce maybe this is the decree this is your muzzle that you have to deal with a bad marriage you know any parents they have to deal with a child that is crippled concessional Elena or severe mental or health problems laughter there was a child for the rest of their life I have a friend Oh Boko sham had a few healthy kids and then the last kid was born a few years ago with Down syndrome oh the parents took four years they couldn't get over it and they they were they they couldn't did you know how to relate with the witness curse right now and sham is punishing me well let me know first of all you're not punished it's a privilege to raise such a child but nevertheless I know it's very harsh and might sound very cold but get over it it's not gonna change that's the reality deal with it you're gonna deal with the child now for the next 50 years that's what the couple decided to give you you have any problem to complain to the ganache go-go dance what a shame decided to give you and a sham decided to give this person this problem and to that person other person I don't know I just heard this morning a three year old hearing spot Diana in a fire can you imagine out now the parent that's what the colosseo says now these parents have to deal with this what it is to lose a child I can I can't even I start even imagining the parent that has to deal with it lost losing a child well that's what I cannot behold that's the if the the masala of that person can you do anything you have to deal with it so in some situations and I know it sound like I might sound cold I'm just trying to get the point across but cold at all I feel very bad for anybody wants to deal with any type of situation but a the right way of dealing with it is in the sentence that's the situation it won't change it's not gonna change the situation I know again it sounds cold and very not soft but that's the situation deal with it because it's not going to change so this is the hard situations but many times I tell couples this is this is you're the other half your situation is to deal with the bad marriage and all your life you're gonna deal with the bad marriage because these are all the mido that you need to work on and you can take it to the worst place you can take it to a good place so some people will have it with a child some people will have it with a spouse some people have with the parents how many people suffering with a relationship with the parents that the relationship is a disaster but it's still my parent no wife or husband yes you can divorce you can't divorce your father and the boss your child that's a relationship that is there now you choose what you do with it it doesn't mean that the relationship will ever be good this is already some people need to take from already form advantage from from the beginning it might never be good but nevertheless the relationship is there what is required for me is to recognize the love in this relation has to be some type of love love it doesn't again love doesn't mean that I just draw hearts everywhere and I love you so much sometimes the love hurts sometimes the love is a very hard media to achieve my nevertheless I still have some type of an obligation to to this test of love and the easiest way to recognize it unfortunately many people to some people they might not relate with what I'm saying now and they're lucky they don't have to deal with a bad relationship but a very large amount of people in this world they have to deal with at least one band relationship that is devastating to them and usually it will be either with a parent or with a child there was somebody extremely close to them and it's almost irreversible how do you deal with it is you have to understand that there's some type of a connection there and the connection is a certain media that is called love and I have some type of a commitment to the sloth not necessarily to make the relationship work because it might never work but to maintain this media that is called the the method of the sod is some type of a connection and could be that a lot of people say listen but it's a very abusive situation and in some cases it's more it's the right way to take it to take a distance in many key situations especially in the in relationship between a child and a parent sometimes it's the health so you think take a distance it's not healthy for both of you but it doesn't mean that the person has to cut the other person off and I came to the conclusion okay that person is not healthy in my life but I don't cut the person perfect example is not too long ago a certain individual that I know that he lost his mother mocha chemin at least in this situation he is not young he's in his 60s so the mother I don't know exactly probably late 80s please she had a long life but he told me they had the worst worst relationship you can imagine now she passed away not too long ago and he's asking me if he has to sit Shiva on her he's I gotta want to sit Shiva on her I wouldn't even go to the funeral I I can't even I can't even stand her what I want to do here do I still obligated to sit around her and I told him yeah you know the real key Buddha aim is when the person dies the the real we're honoring parents is when my parents died and I buried them the right way and I say Kaddish and I said cheer on I do what I need to do for them and I said besides the fact that sitting the Shiva is some type of a closure whatever you didn't work out for 60 years maybe this Shiva is gonna they're gonna be the closure and you say goodbye maybe in this world the relationship was a hard relationship but the connection between you and to her that's your mother that's a very strong powerful connection could be in the world above unbelievable love there just happened to be that the role in this movie in this world is a bad relationship so it didn't work out for 60 years and now you can do some type of a closure and you sit Shiva and you'll say Kaddish I don't want to say Kaddish well you know nobody's asking you what you want or what you don't want this is kyboot of him and he's mine I can understand this I can't stand was the worst mother ever had she did this you did that and said I don't want to hear what she did it should be relevant what she did you're asking me you have the midst of kyboot of him the second is bury her the writer it's a conditioner I don't have to like her but nevertheless she's your mother there's some type of a connection here the seesawed disconnecting and this it's coming from our media that is called the Crescent lava maybe you didn't feel the love but it's still there and in this specific case I told him maybe if you sit Shiva and you say Kaddish you're never gonna see her face again in this world maybe that's gonna be the closure what we're gonna read not maybe I told him this is this is what's going to be this is how you release it okay so some people have to battle diseases poverty and and many other tragedies you have to deal with with a horrible relationship with your mother for 60 years now you're happy so to say that she left the world but don't don't don't say it just throw it like a garbage your bag a bag of garbage you come to some type of closure so again so some people might not relate specifically with what I'm saying now unfortunately many people do relate and say yeah I don't have one at least one relationship that is a disaster the point is not to cut it off and not to say it never works it could be that it will never work by the way not that I'm trying to get the air out of the the sails my this relationship will never work but that's the test here how you're treating this relationship they will never work when are you backing off when are you putting some effort when are you not taking it so personal when you letting go and when you are able to apply this some type of love here and sometimes that has to be so far away you there I'm here and you live your life I live my life and when you apply it in the right way that's how it actually heals the relationship and again it might not be done in this world but could be that the process in this world is what's going to cause the healing for eternity and if a person is connected in a relationship of a parent and a child this is not a random chance here this is not a fluke or mistake this is a strong connection must be that could be that the bad relationship in this world is the Tycoon for the eternal relationship and the way to do it is to find that I do have some type of a commitment I know that commitment is the right word in Hebrew you see me who you vote I have to put something here and that is the the connection is this love between these two souls a little bit a heavier to deal with but as soon as we're going to go through the week of your soul things are gonna start being a little bit more clear because the whole point of your soul is how I'm connecting stronger connections the ultimate connection is in a marriage of course that's why I said we'll talk about marriages but the connection every relationship has a connection I need to know how to nourish it and how to reach the tycoon between the souls between the connections between the souls so again Hester G by Assad is the love that causes the connection between two entities between to solve between two humans and not always it's all easy and nice sometimes it's coming in a very hard way but nevertheless my effort and my commitment to to preserve this lab that's what's going to heal the relationship I might not see the fruit in this world but I might see the fruit of my actions in the world to come and that's really what I care about is to make sure that I'm not leaving this world without at acuña and the important to know that not always I see it in front of my eyes sometimes it's a very long process you just have to remember that if you're involved in something like that that you're doing the right thing even though the other side is not receptive or not participating but it's you doing the right thing and your commitment is to keep this kind of connection even if it's very far away physically but you're keeping this connection alive and burning [Music]