CHAZAQ’s Torah Talks #8: Rabbi Eliezer Krohn - Derech Eretz Kadma L'Torah

Welcome, welcome, welcome to yet another timely Tuesday Torah Talk. Today, we have a very special dear friend, a guest, Rabbi Eliezer Kron, a renowned lecturer and up-and-coming author with what I understand, a new safer coming out very soon, the son of the world-renowned lecturer, author, Rabbi Paysach Krohn, a sixth-generation mohel. Your father, when I had this of introducing him, is a fifth-generation mohel. Rabbi Eliezer Krohn is a sixth-generation mohel. Welcome, Rabbi Eliezer Krohn. How are you doing? Baruch Hashem. It's a pleasure to be here. Thank you so so much, Rabbi Yirmiyahu, for having me on. It's really wonderful to see you once again. And then you mentioned about my father is a fifth-generation mohel and I'm a sixth-generation. So, people that have like a funny personality, they ask me, "No, so who's a better mohel, you or your father?" So, I said, "What do you mean? My father's a fifth-generation. I'm sixth-generation. So, you know, what I'm saying, I I have one up on him." That's right. That's right. That's right. Amazing. Okay. So, free plug about the Rabbi being a mohel. If anyone has a baby, a b'sha'ah tovah u'mutzachas b'ezras Hashem. Amen. Uh Rabbi Krohn, I had this Not only with everything, you also have a brother mohel. He recently did my nephew. Oh, wow. Mazel tov. Yes, Hashem. Fantastic. Only simchas. Only happy occasions. So, we're going to jump straight into the interview, Rabbi Eliezer Krohn, with your permission. As we all know, right now we're in the time period of Sefiras HaOmer. Uh your father has a famous line, "Don't make Don't count the days, but make the days count." It's a popular line. Uh as we all know, it's it's it's preparation for us to receive the Torah on Shavuos. And there's a famous teaching of Derech Eretz Kadmah LaTorah. And that's today's topic that Rabbi Eliezer Krohn will discuss some ways to improve our middos and interpersonal relationships so that we can become a vessel, a k'li, fit to receive the Torah for Shavuos, which is around the corner. So, Rabbi Eliezer Krohn, what is the source derech eretz kadma l'Torah, and what does it mean? So, it's uh it's it's a great question because it's it's a phrase that we just take for granted and we just assume that phrase exists somewhere in the writings of Chazal. But, those exact words, believe it or not, do not exist anywhere. It's based on two sources. It's in Tanna D'bei Eliyahu and it's also in Vayikra Rabbah. Vayikra Rabbah says something very similar, says something very interesting, that the Medrash tells us that the Torah was only given after 26 generations. Meaning, from Adam to Noach was 10 generations, Noach to Avram was another 10, and then Avram to Moshe was another six. So, 26 generations, we did not yet have the Torah. But, derech eretz was from the very beginning. Right from the beginning, we are taught the ways of derech eretz, Sefer Bereishit, is called Sefer HaYashar because the avos, Avram, Yitzchak, and Yaakov, they teach us how to act in proper derech eretz, the way they dealt, the way Avraham Avinu dealt with Efron, and Yitzchak dealt with those that stuffed up the be'er, and Yaakov dealt with Lavan and Esav. All the derech eretz that we learn from Sefer Bereishit is all before Matan Torah, all before the Torah was given. So, the Medrash says that we see that derech eretz needs to be before the Torah is given. That's the foundation. You have to have the foundation of the derech eretz, of proper manners, and being kind to people, as we'll we'll elaborate on more, but that all comes before the the Torah. And derech eretz kadma means it comes first, but it's not just in chronological order that first comes derech eretz, and then comes the Torah, but it's it's a prerequisite. A person needs to have the derech eretz in order to be able to have the kabbalat Torah as we lead up to the wonderful chag of Shavuot. That kabbalat Torah comes upon us. A person needs to have that derech eretz first as as we'll certainly elaborate on why why exactly is is that the case. But there's a a very cryptic Gemara. It's like a one of those Gemaras that you just like shrug your shoulders and and you move on, but it's an amazing Gemara. The Gemara says that the Gemara in Shabbos daf pei tes that when Moshe Rabbeinu went up to Shamayim for 40 days to be mekabel the Torah, so the Gemara says that Moshe Rabbeinu saw that Hakadosh Baruchu that Hashem himself was putting little crowns on the letters. There are certain letters that have crowns on the top of them in the in the sefer Torah. And and he saw Hashem Moshe Rabbeinu saw that Hashem was putting on crowns. And he didn't say anything. He didn't want to interrupt kav yakhol. He didn't want to interrupt. So Hashem turns to Moshe and says, "Ein shalom be'ircha?" What in your city where you come from, you don't you don't say hello? So Moshe Rabbeinu says, "I I didn't want to interrupt, you know, you you looked busy, you know, like I didn't want to interrupt you." So so Hashem said, "But you should have given me a bracha. You should have given me a bracha bracha v'hatzlacha like Rav Chaim Kanievsky says bracha u'vracha bracha v'hatzlacha. You should have said give me a blessing that I should have success in what I'm doing." So so Moshe Rabbeinu said so then Moshe Rabbeinu said a a nice bracha. He said a pasuk um v'ata yigdal na koach Hashem that the power of Hashem should be great. So the Ben Ish Chai one of the commentaries on the Gemara says Hashem does not need a blessing from Moshe. Hashem was teaching Moshe, "You're coming for kabbalat Shabbat Torah? First you have derech eretz. First you have derech eretz. You come, you say hello. You say hello to me. And you can't just walk in and expect to start learning Torah. Okay, open up the Gemara and start learning. First you have to have the derech eretz. The derech eretz is is the foundation on the bottom and the Torah is built upon um upon that. I remember I I I used to be very good friend I'm still very good friends with a cousin of mine. So I one time called my cousin to play when I was a youngster and uh and my aunt answered the phone and I said "Can I speak to Eliezer?" He's we're named after the same grandfather. So my after I hung up, my mother, you know, we everyone knows my father but not not as many people know my mother. I have seen your mother as well. Okay, through Shevach maybe if you go on hills, of course. So my mother is a master mechaneches. Um she did a great job on on on my siblings. I don't know about myself but she did a great job from giving She did a great job from my side. my wife as well. Oh, okay. Fantastic. So my mother told me she said "You're not just calling a friend, you're calling your cousin. When your aunt answers the phone, you can't just say hi, is Eliezer there? You have to say hello, how are you?" I mean, you can't just You don't necessarily go straight to the point. First you have to have derech eretz. If it's just uh stam maybe anyways you should do it but certainly to an aunt and an uncle, you say hello, you say how are you doing? And then and then you get to the point, can can I speak to Eliezer? You know, so uh it's that's the that's the groundwork. That's the that's the foundation. Beautiful, beautiful Rabbi Eliezer Kohn, shlita. Amazing, amazing. So sometimes one might feel that being a mensch and having splendid midos is just secondary to learning Torah and other mitzvos bein adam l'makom between us and God. Can you put this misconception to rest, Rabbi, please? Okay, it it it's very true and even if you wouldn't necessarily hear people say that straight out but you could tell from the way they act that that that they think that that's true. That that that their carrots is like an added bonus. It's like icing on the cake, but the main thing is how much Torah you learn and but their carrots is is is a nice, you know, on the side. Cherry on the top. It's nice. Right. It's but it's it's really really not. I'll tell you something very interesting. Someone one time asked Rabbi Yisrael Salanter. Now, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter was a gaon in Torah, but he was known for the Musar movement that he that he began to teaching people derech eretz and to be kind to others, focusing a lot on ben adam l'chavero. So, somebody one time asked him, perhaps one of his students, that why do you focus so much on the ben adam l'chavero? You should be like Rabbi Isser Zalman Meltzer, who was focused so much on the Torah. Why do you focus so much not as much on the learning of the Torah, but rather on the ben adam l'chavero just as much, perhaps even more? So, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter said something very interesting. He said that we have in Hilchot Berachot, when we make a beracha, let's say you have two chocolate chip cookies, right? So, it's it's it's just after Pesach. So, we when now we can eat chametz. So, you have two chocolate chip cookies. One chocolate chip cookie is a whole cookie, and the other one is broken, but it's much bigger than the other cookie. Which one should you say your mezonot on? You want to eat both of them. So, you only say one beracha of mezonos or mezonot. Which one goes first? Which one should you say a beracha on? So, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter said, we know the halacha is that you say the one that's shalem, that is whole, even if the other one is bigger. So, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter said, we see from there that shlemut, to be complete, is more important than gadlut. It's more important to be how great you are and how how much Torah you know. It is important, very very important. But first comes to be an adam shalem, to be a complete individual. That that's it's all part, right? The the asset of the broad is five and five. There's been Adam the McCollum and there's been Adam the and they're both corresponding. They're both equal. They're both equal to to each other. The niche says that if a person wants to be an ishmatzliach, a successful who doesn't want to be successful. The niche says you don't hurt somebody's feelings. That's what makes somebody and the niche may perhaps you could see a picture of the niche behind me. He was known for his Torah, but but that that was his in the picture. I see a single. Okay, bend it down right over there a little bit. I'm blocking. Next to Moshe Feinstein. Oh okay. Back over there. But but but as you mentioned before, you know, we're we're in the time of Sefirat Omer. And Sefirat Omer besides the counting of the Omer, but we know we we don't listen to music and we don't get haircuts. And that's because of the the 24,000 students, the 24,000 of Rabbi Akiva that passed away. Now they were the students of the one and only Rabbi Akiva. They certainly were great great Tommy Akiva and but they were all killed. Never they were all killed. They were all Why? Because covered Zebediah cuz they did not they were not kind to each other. And Hashem was teaching them, us, everyone a message for all generations that it's great to be a big Tommy Akiva. That's we're not belittling that at all, but it has to come with covered Zebediah. It has to come along with honoring one another. Somebody one time asked Moshe Feinstein the in what merit did we you did you merit to live such a long such a long life? And Moshe Feinstein it could have been a whole long list of answers that Rav Moshe Feinstein said he learned every prim of God and 250 times and every time he said because he says as long as I could remember I never hurt anyone's feelings and never hurt anyone's feelings. And again, we're talking about the Hazon Ish, we're talking about Rav Moshe Feinstein that the first thing that comes to our minds is is not the the derech eretz, but but but they knew that that that is that's the key and that's that's what makes the wheels turn for all of for all of the for for for all of all of the Torah and that's for sure. My father you you spoke about my father before. My father always quotes whenever he talks about Sefirat Omer and he talks about the tragedy of the students of Rabbi Akiva passing passing away. He always says that why was that the befitting punishment? I mean to to die? I mean it's so so much so. So I think my father says from the Maharal, Maharal says that My my father would this way my father would say it. Imagine you came in here tonight. You know, when my father comes there's a minimum 800 people at the speech. Imagine you walked in here tonight. I'm not going to imitate my father and he says and not one person said hello to you. Imagine. Just just picture that for a moment. Nobody said what do I need life for? What that's it. That's like I'm dead because nobody says hello to me. Nobody even recognizes that I'm here. If you can't act in a kind manner to another person, so you're taking away their life. So that was midah k'neged midah. It's always If you can't be kind one to another, so then then that's it. I'm going to take away I'm going to take away your life. Amazing. Amazing. Very very important. Rabbi, how does improving our derech eretz, our midot, and our interpersonal relationship, how does it help us in our pursuit of receiving the Torah? As we mentioned it's right now Sefirat Omer, we're counting the days towards Shavuot. So Shavuot as we all know is the day that we receive the Torah. How does derech eretz connect with receiving the Torah, Rabbi? So, the it's it's it's an it's an important question because now you're getting more detailed. What's the connection between the two? How we we I think we proved strongly enough from Chazal all the way down to the post to the rabbis of our generations and the previous generations that that the statement is true. That's for sure. But your question is why? Where is that connection? So, it's it's pretty amazing that we know from in Pirkei Avot at the end of Pirkei Avot that has what's called the Menkes Kinyanim. The 48 ways in order to acquire Torah. And they say that there's 49 days leading up to Kabbalat Torah to Shavuot. So, each day is supposed to work on a different middah. And then the last day you're supposed to review them all together. So, you'll notice, anyone listening on TorahAnytime and through Chazak, you could check up in the Mishnayos afterwards, that many many of the 48 are bein adam l'chaveiro. Are middot that are bein adam l'chaveiro. And now you you would think that um you know, you you have to work on Kabbalat Torah. So, there's 48 ways you have to work on on on learning it. No, a lot of them are bein adam l'chaveiro. And the commentaries explain that the connection really is really is the following. One of the Mishnas in earlier in Pirkei Avot says, "Ein derech eretz, ein Torah." If a person doesn't have derech eretz, then they can't have Torah. And the Bartenura, one of the Rishonim, the commentaries on the Mishnayos, he explains that you can't be mekabel the Torah unless you have the proper derech eretz. And the reason is, to answer your question, that there's a lot of chochmah in the world. There's mathematics, there's biology, there's chemistry, there's astrology, but none of those necessary you could you could master those wisdoms, those topics. But, it's not necessarily supposed to change you. When you learn Torah, it's not just oh, you follow the 613 commandments and now you're good to go. It's supposed to change a person. We say in the Amidah in Shmoneh Esrei every day, "Chaneinu may itcha de'ah u'vinah v'haskel." "Chaneinu may itcha from you." And it's supposed to make a change. It's supposed to be from Hakadosh Baruch Hu into a person. The person is supposed to change from it. It's not just now they have a lot of knowledge. I know all 2,711 pages in the Gemara and I know all the Rambams in Chumash. No, that's not It's supposed to change a person. You're supposed to look when when you go to work in the morning after the Daf Yomi shiur or any shiur that you go to, now you're a different person. You're You see the day, you see what the circumstances through the lens of the Torah. And the derech eretz that a person had that the Torah that a person learned is supposed to inculcate that into their own lives. The Gemara Berachot says, "Tachlis Torah, what's the whole purpose of the Torah?" "Teshuvah u'ma'asim tovim." To do teshuvah and ma'asim tovim. The tachlis of Torah is not merely to follow the Torah. It's It's more than that. It's supposed to change an individual. And there's also there's a pasuk in Parshas Va'eschanan perek dalet pasuk yud dalet. Pasuk says, "Va'asisa Hashem Va'asisa Moshe Rabbeinu talking. Moshe Rabbeinu got the lesson and he said, "Hashem commanded me l'lamdecha to teach you chukim u'mishpatim all the laws la'asoischem oisam." Doesn't say la'asois oisam to do them, la'asoischem to change you, to change a person. It's supposed to change the way a person looks at the life. When a person makes a siyum on a masechta, "Hadran alach." "Hadran Hashem, your beauty, your hadar Alon is on us. It's It's on us. We We're supposed to take some of Hashem's beauty, a fraction fraction, and put it upon us. When we finish learning a Gemara, when we finish learning a mesechta, it's supposed to have an effect on us. And I'll tell you something very interesting. Anyone could say this over at the Yom Tov table, at the at the table, at the seudah, when it comes to the Yom Tov of Shavuos. When a person has derech eretz, and they think of other people, so they train themselves. They think of others, they think of others, and they think of others. So, when you think of others, so that means you're not thinking of yourself. It's not all about me, me, me. That's also what my father always talks about, is the I generation, right? The iPod, the iPad, and the I iPhone, and all that. So, we're not supposed to be like that. We're supposed to be not about I, I, I, and me, me, me. It's always supposed to be about the other. If you could put yourself second, then you'll also put Hakadosh Baruch Hu first. Not just that you put the other person first. It's the foundation to kabbalas haTorah, because you're not thinking about yourself. Yeah, I I would love to eat this uh you know, this ice cream, but I just had meat. I can't eat dairy after I ate meat. So, if I'm thinking about me, me, me, all I'm thinking about is the ice cream that I want. But if I'm thinking about others, so I'm thinking about, wait, what what does Hashem want me to do in this situation? I'm about to say something nasty to somebody else, but that's cuz I'm upset, and I'm thinking about myself. But wait a second, if I'm not only thinking about myself, and I'm thinking about others, so I'm also thinking about Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and then Hashem does not want me to say this at this time. There's um we know that the the Vilna Gaon tells us, and it's ready from earlier sources, that the three regalim, the shalosha regalim, is corresponding to Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov. Pesach is Avraham, and Yitzchak is Shavuos, and Sukkos is Yaakov Avinu, cuz Yaakov the possuk says that Yaakov Avinu made Sukkot. So, Yitzchak is Shavuot. Why Why Shavuot? What's the connection Yitzchak Avinu to the holiday of Shavuot? So, we know that Yitzchak by the Akedah, in the end he wasn't schechted. What was schechted instead? The ram, the ayil was schechted. The ram had two horns. The The horn on the left, the smaller horn, that was blown by Kabbalat Torah. There was a horn by Kabbalat Torah. And the right horn, the bigger horn, that's going to be blown when Mashiach comes, the kaba shofar gadol, the big horn. That's the horn on the right from that ram of the Akedah. I don't know where it is right now, but Hashem has it somewhere. But the small one, the left one was blown by Kabbalat Torah, and that came from Yitzchak. That was instead of Yitzchak. So, that's Yitzchak's connection to the holiday of Shavuot. So, the Medrash says that where did Har Sinai come from? We know that from 613 Torah Avenue that Har Sinai was this little mountain, a small little mountain. Where did it come from? It It wasn't always there. It came from Har HaMoriah, the mountain where Yitzchak was supposed to be schechted, supposed to be slaughtered. Hashem took The Medrash says that Hashem took some of that mountain and moved it to where Har Sinai was. And the whole concept, right? We say in in Yom Shabbason, and I don't know if Sefardim say Yom Shabbason by the Shabbos Seudah by day. Sometimes it could be. So, it says "Diber b'Kochi b'Har HaMor." That Hashem spoke b'Har HaMor. Wait a Hashem didn't speak in Har HaMoriah. Hashem spoke by Har Sinai. But the answer is, the commentary say, "No, because Har Sinai came from Har HaMoriah." What was Yitzchak thinking about? If Yitzchak was thinking about me me me, he would not have agreed to be slaughtered. He wasn't thinking about himself. He was What does Hashem want? What does Hakadosh Baruch Hashem This what Hashem commanded? That's what Hashem commanded. and is corresponding to because he wasn't thinking about himself and that is all the same you don't think about yourself first you think about others and others included in others is is that's for sure amazing amazing that's right that's what one of the points that they were making as well so if there is a certain in interpersonal and it's corresponding that you feel that we should all strengthen is there like one specific you know there's so many details and so many different Derek is there any anyone or a few that you have in mind that you feel quality for the Jewish people need to to some some inspiration on so I'll to answer that question I'll give you a little bit of a introduction sure I I have the great I have the great merit I teach I teach in several girls schools in Brooklyn but I I teach in the where I live and I teach in which is a high school in Edison which is a high school in Edison and I teach in a seminary in Borough Park by the New York Seminary so need to come down to Brooklyn also you know if you find me a few more hours in my day then it'll be my pleasure you have to say Edison Borough Park yeah and if you can guarantee no traffic so um but so one of the that I teach in the New York Seminary in Borough Park is a lot of another way to go of all the of between interpersonal relationships now when the when she offered me the job I wanted the job and she told me that she wants me to teach throughout the whole year all the of another way to go twice a week for 45 minutes each class. Now, I was thinking, now I wanted this job, right? So, I accepted it. I said, "Yeah, sure, it'll be my pleasure. I think I I I think I'll be great at it." But, in my mind, I was thinking, "There's no way. I mean, how could I fill a whole curriculum of the whole year twice a week, 45 minutes? There's There's just not enough halachos. I know it's important, and I mean, but but she was so right, and and I was so wrong. It is so action-packed from the beginning of the year, right before Yom Kippur. So, we start with the halachos of mechila, of forgiving other individuals. Are you obligated to forgive people? How do you ask for mechila? When are you obligated to ask for mechila? Let's say the person says no. Do you have to say the aveira that you did to the person? All the halachos of mechila all the way through the whole year, and sometimes we don't even finish all of the halachos that are possible. And one of the sections that we spend several classes on, as you could probably guess, is the topic of ahavat lerecha of treating somebody else Zeh klal gadol baTorah. That's right. Zeh klal gadol baTorah. So, Rabbi Akiva, as we mentioned before, Rabbi Akiva said, "Veahavta lerecha kamocha, zeh klal gadol baTorah." So, just reminded me, because you mentioned that, that you know, you heard people ask, "How can it be that Rabbi Akiva was the one who said zeh klal gadol baTorah, and his students were the people that didn't honor each other properly?" How could that be? That was their rebbe's whole mantra. That was his whole There's whole yesod, and his own students. So, I I thought I always thought that the answer was that it was that's the that's the wrong order. First, what happened was that all his students died because they weren't They didn't treat each other honestly, and then Rabbi Akiva realized what It must be that this is the klal gadol baTorah. It happened afterwards that Rabbi Akiva said, "That is the klal gadol baTorah." I don't know if I'm right in that, but that's the way I always assumed that Rabbi Akiva it came afterwards. Rabbi Akiva learned that from the tragedy that happened. But, be that as it may, so we we teach we focus on the half of the and we certainly we discussed all of those of Shana of of waking people up in a lot of the girls in my class in in the class I have like 70 girls in the class. It's a it's a it's a large class and and they there's an they're in a dormitory and they're going to be they share rooms with we with other girls and what's the I want the window open, I want the window closed, I want the light I want to go to sleep early. No, but I but I but I don't I'm not tired yet and and I give them all a that one day in the near future they're going to share a room with somebody for the rest of their life and they all say amen amen amen you know you know is still works for it applies to husbands and wives and wives and husbands as well. That's that's for sure. But, one of the the that we discuss by the half of the is the we talk about all and all the of those of those areas. It's so interesting. It's so fascinating to learn not just the actual so I always tell them a story. We're talking about my father before you might appreciate the story. You might remember that a number of years ago my father he broke both of his quadriceps in his knees. And he it happened in Israel on he wasn't dancing, but he was walking to the to the and somebody told him that fell fell on fell fell on fell on and that was the big joke going around. At the time my father didn't think it was so funny, but but yeah by now he could laugh at it I guess, but yeah and he had a special special helicopter airplane that flew him back to America and he was in he was in the hospital for 12 days in Manhattan and the the children took turns he needed somebody to to sleep there overnight. So, twice out of the 12 days that he was there twice I slept over there overnight. I obviously I I made sure to do it on a day that I didn't have a bris the next morning and I slept over the whole night and I you know I had to get up in the middle of the night to help him get dressed. So, I got there at around 9:00 at night and um and the visiting hours end at 10:00. So, there was a male over there visiting my father being a bakur a beautiful mitzvah. At around 9:30 my father you know whispered to me that he's tired and he was on medication for pain medication. He's tired you know really he would like that this get that this visitor should leave. So, and my father is such a nice person he's not going to tell him please leave. So, my father asked you know maybe you could tell him to leave you know. So, I said to him I said you know oh it's so late it's 9:30 already you know you probably want to get home you know you know you could leave really I we appreciate your visit really you could you could go now. He said, "No, I have another half hour I I still have another half hour it's a it's such a to visit Rabbi Krome in the hospital you know it's a such what a mitzvah I'm not giving this up." So, you know the the Gamara says that she musha really muda that like to serve a like he wanted to be there with my father you know till 10:00 like so basically he didn't get the he didn't get the hint. Finally at like 9:40 9:45 you know my father said to me you know please Eliezer like tell please tell him to leave. So, I said you know really it's so late you really like you know no no I have another 15 minutes eventually I just like I pushed him out of the room. I said, "My father's tired I'm sorry we appreciate it but I'm sorry you have to leave now." So, the many times I would have even ventured to say most of the time when a person transgresses been out of the Havilah, we're not bad people. We're not bad people. Cloud Israel is good people. And most people in the world, not only the Jewish nation, most people are good people. Why do they say things that are not nice to people? Why do they hurt people's feeling? Because sometimes it's they they they get angry and they can't control themselves. But many times that's not the case. It's just we don't think. We we talk before we think and we act before we think. So many times it's not that there's we we don't realize it. But why don't we realize? Because we don't think we don't put ourselves in their shoes. The Gamora and Shabbat says, "Ma de sani loch le havercha le save." What you don't want to want someone to do to you, don't do to somebody else. And the the Hinuch says that that's what the Havtalah Komecha means. Havtalah Komecha means literally we know, love your friend like you love yourself. You can't love your friend like you love yourself. That's not what the Torah means. So in class we go through the three explanations, the Hinuch, the Rambam, and the Ramban. But the Hinuch says that you know what it means? It means ma de sani loch le havercha le save. Don't do to somebody else what you don't want someone to do to you. You don't want to someone to hurt your feeling, just think before you do If you just think and you're like really wait a second. Am Is this going to hurt their feeling? Then we wouldn't then we wouldn't do it. I'll tell you a funny story that happened to my brother. You imagine you know you know my brother from Waterbury. That's wrong. I don't know from. You you say shlita by me, that's cuz you're a nice person. I don't I don't deserve the shlita. My father and my brother, they they deserve they deserve the shlita. So my brother one time was on an airplane either from Israel to America or America to Israel. One of those overnight flights that I'm sure you you have experience and many of the listeners have experience. Overnight, you know, it leaves 1:00 in the morning and you really want to sleep on the plane because that's that's your that's your night sleep. So, um now we know that a lot of times people they have their knapsack or they have their hand luggage and either you could put it on the bin on top or you put it in the seat underneath in front of you, right? By by your feet. So, right before the flight takes off the the the younger man, you know, the the young man uh behind my brother taps my brother on the shoulder and he says, "Shalom aleichem." My brother says, "Aleichem shalom. Nice to meet you." And the man says, "You know, I put my food underneath your seat. And you know the halakha is, you know, you're not supposed to sleep on top of food. If if you sleep on top of food, then you're not allowed to eat the food. So, can I ask you a favor? Would it be possible that you not sleep the whole flight because I have my food underneath your seat?" So, my brother was like scratching his head and he's like, "I I have a better idea. Maybe put the food underneath your seat and you don't sleep the whole flight. I mean, this is we're dealing with your food, right? So, don't put your food underneath my seat." And my brother told me when he told me this story years ago, he said, the the he was a nice person. It wasn't like it was a nice he just it wasn't thinking. Like, what do you like, why why would you put your ask, you know, the other guy in front of you like so so many times a person they act upon, you know, something without thinking. Like, just wait a second. Like, wait a second. Maybe maybe this is going to hurt the person's feelings. Maybe they they wouldn't they wouldn't want you to do this. And and that's so much throughout the school year that I teach my novel of a very, you know, a lot of the halakhas is new to the girls. Um Great perspective. I love the the the perspective of that. It's a different Right. It's it's it's just Think about Think what you would want what you would not want someone to do to you and that's the way you should try to treat others. You know, the Hafetz Chaim says that let's say you have somebody, they're very chilled. You know, like they're chilled. Things don't bother me. Someone makes fun of me, it doesn't bother me. So, the Hafetz Chaim says, don't make a mistake and think, oh, I'm not allowed to do to somebody else what I don't want people to do to me. So, to me, it doesn't bother me if people make poke fun at me. So, I could do that to other people. Hafetz Chaim says, no, no, no, it doesn't work like that. It means that if you were in their shoes, what you wouldn't want someone to do to you. So, of course, a person can't can't say that. But but what I'm trying to say is that we're good people. We're most of us 99% 99.9 we're good people. But either we get frustrated or many times we just we have to just stop and think before we say something, before we act. I you know, people always say, you know, teach us the halachos of lashon hara. I I I always feel tomorrow night I'm going to start a class on the halachos of lashon hara by shidduchin. So, that's a very relevant. What are you allowed to say? What are you not allowed to say? What are you obligated to say and at what point? So, that is a lot of surprises to people in halacha. You know, what they think, oh, you're not allowed to say anything that that's not so there there are some surprises. But the regular halachos of lashon hara, I always feel there's not so many surprises. We we know the halachos. So, if we know it, how come we say lashon hara? Because we we just it just happens so fast and we don't stop and think and say, wait a second. I wouldn't want somebody talking about about me like this. I'm sure you know Rabbi Ephraim Shapiro. I'm sure he has spoken for Chazak many many times. I one time heard him say something so short but so phenomenal and it was like so scary. He said, anyone that you hear say lashon hara to you probably says lashon hara about you. Wow. And he's he's so right. He's so like you're smoothing with a friend of yours and like oh, they say lashon hara about somebody else and like but what so when he schmoozes with that friend, you have no idea what he's saying about you." So, What a powerful line. It's so powerful. I I remember I I I I I heard him say but I heard him say years ago and it I still remember it. I don't even have it in my notes. I wasn't planning on saying it but but that's it's just so in my mind. And when you think about that before you talk, before a person talks, like, "Wait a second. You know, this means that that he's talking about me because I'm this person that I talk about him and he talks about me and then who knows what I And I don't want to be like that. I'm not that type of person. I I'm I'm better than that. I'm better than that. And And we are. We are better than that. And And that's what And And that's That's what Derek Hartman of the Torah is all about. I'll just tell you one more one just a joke which a story that that never happened. I'm sure the story never happened, but they say a joke. I don't say this in class. I don't say really say jokes in class. But here, you know, they they say story about it. A poor man came, you know, traveling through town and he had no food and he knocked on a rich man's door and the rich man said, "Oh, you're stingy. Get away. Don't bother me, you poor people." And he said, "Please, but I'm so hungry. I have no food." And then the rich man realized, "You know, I have this old piece of fish in the refrigerator from like two three weeks ago. I'm not going to eat it anyways. You know what? Let me just Let me just give it give it to this to this poor man." And the poor man eats, you know, he he has nothing else to eat. So, he gobles up this fish. A couple of days later, this rich man hears that this poor man was was was sick in the hospital from food poisoning. I believe So, so he goes to the hospital and he realizes that, you know, that that this man is sick, you know, from the fish that he gave him. And And he's visiting him and says, "How do you feel? I hope you feel better." And but the food poisoning just got worse and worse and then, unfortunately, you know, this poor man, he died. And And the rich man Don't worry, this the never happened. And the rich man came the funeral and he helped, you know, bury this individual and the this individual's this poor man's children were there and it was Menachem Avel at the time and he And then the rich man walked away and said, "Ah, look at that. From one old rotten piece of fish, I got a Orchim, Biker Cholim, Ahavas Amayis, Nichum Aveilim." You know, so so you know, so that's that that that's a joke and it's a you know, it's it's a bad joke. But but that's, you know, we're we're not like that. We're These are just stories to teach to teach lessons. But we're all good people and if we're good people, why should we not have derech eretz? And that's the foundation for for Kabbalas Shabbos. Beautiful, beautiful Rabbi Croner. Amazing, amazing chizuk. Just to add to what the Rabbi is saying, first and foremost is think before you speak. The reason why people say certain things because they don't think. And to add to what the Rabbi is saying, the after Kamoha, I heard once, what's what's the reason it says L'ray'acha and not L'chavercha? Because the word L'ray'acha has the word Ra. You should like the bad. Many people, you know, when it comes to their problems and their issues, they try to put it to the side. Same thing with with your friend, L'ray'acha, even the bad that they have. Right. Everybody has positive qualities and everybody has negative qualities. Nobody's perfect. And the same way you want people to focus on your qual you know, quality, you know, attributes, that's the way you should focus on others. I think the Sfas Emes says that. Yeah. Amazing, amazing. So so this past Chag I was by my in-laws house and uh my mother was saying, "Oh, we need a class on on on on Hilchos Shabbos." And my other sister was saying, "Oh, we need positive thinking." And another one was saying about Shalom Bayis. My wife and I were talking about how we want to have shalom bayis in our homes on the topic of chinuch. So the topic of children, uh how do we educate and give it our over to our children the characteristics of being a mensch, derech eretz, v'ahavta l'rei'acha kamoha, all that the Rabbi is saying. What's the proper way to give it over to our next generation of children. So that question could probably have you know 45 minutes by itself enough to give over to the children. But just to focus on the cut below the Torah aspect and this is not a surprising answer that first the parents have to lead by example. The parents have to lead by example and guess what the children notice everything everything they notice everything you could be talking on the phone to your friend but they notice if you're texting and what's happening the whole day they notice that also cuz they see all that's what's important to my mother to my father just the phone is more important so but but but that's also that's a kind of that's something separate but the way you talk to people they they see that and they notice it a person needs to lead by example but that is pretty obvious but I want to say something that maybe is not as obvious you know we mentioned before that I'm a mom and one of the benefits of a mom all besides that you get to do great a great mix up and besides that you get a good breakfast but an advantage of being a mom all is that you really you get to see the insides of families and many times you could learn great things from people you know I'm in their house I mean now during Corona a lot of times the breeze itself is in the house but even before that when most of the time the breeze was in the show on the big masses but you know you go to the house beforehand to check the baby you go to the house afterwards you know to take off the bandage and and check on the baby so you get to first of all it's beautiful you get to meet people and you get to know people you get to know rabbonim and and you make so many so many new friends it's wonderful but so many times you could learn from the a household the way it's run and unfortunately you know not always is it that you learn what to do sometimes you learn what not to do and so many times I see parents screaming at their kids. Not not the baby that's eight days old. That is not their fault. That they realize it's not the baby's fault. But screaming at the older kids, six years old, eight years old. And like they're just children. Get to bed. They're screaming. And how come you made a mess? And how come you know, like and put away your shoes. And you're like like like Why? Just because you're the parent doesn't necessarily mean that you don't have to talk to them respectfully. When you tell your child to go to sleep, why can't you say please? We tell the children say please, say please. But so when So when you tell them to go to sleep, say please. Now, if they're not going to listen unless you That's a different story. But what It shouldn't have to come to that. Whenever I tell my children to go to sleep, I always say please. I always try to say please. Okay, it's it's 7:30. Please It's Please get your pajamas. It's time to go to sleep. Why can't you say please? Just because you have authority, because you're the parent, and you're the teacher, and you're the rabbi, and you're the principal, why can't you say please? Okay, you you get to decide what they have to do and what they're what they're not allowed to do. But talk treat your children respectfully. When you treat your children with respect, there times where a child has to be told no to, which is also part of But here we're focusing on the But there's no reason why it has to be said in a screaming in a screaming way. Talk to your It could be firm. It could be in a firm manner. When you talk to your children firmly, so you firmly but but kindly and strongly But you you say it nicely, then you're teaching them that even when somebody's frustrated, even when somebody has authority, it doesn't That's not an excuse not to say please and not to say thank you. Always whenever I take my children, I'm I'm I'm no big But whenever I take my children to the store, just um the on on When was it? On My my my my wife promised my my daughters I have I two of my daughters are there So seven and six. So then my problem I promised them a doll a new doll like they wanted to get a doll cuz they behaved over a free claiming present or something. So we went to an amazing savings and they bought a doll a guy bought them a doll for a few for a few dollars. And after I paid we didn't steal it we paid for it. But I said what do you say to the man? And they said thank you and they both of them they said thank you. Why shouldn't they be taught to say thank you? I said thank you even though I paid for it fair and square but they still the person did a job he does his job and the children have to see that. The children have to see it so it's by leading by example to other people but what's even more important maybe even more important is to the children to the children themselves you have to talk to them respectfully. Just because you're you're having an authority over them you have to talk you have to treat them like like like like big people. Amazing Rabbi Lazer Klein I got to tell you you mentioned that you took your your your children to this to the to the store to buy them a gift. There was a different parent that took their their their child seven year old daughter to the store and and it was a grocery store and the cashier gave gave the child a banana and the mother tells the child what two words do you tell the cashier and she's like peel it. Peel it. Instead of thank you. Those are the two words. Peel it. That exactly So right So there there you have it. So that that starts at home but it's not only home it's in the store it's it's it has to be it has to be by example. And you could you could fake it. You could fake it. There are many times I'm a faker. In many ways I'm a big faker. And I'm talking to someone on the phone and I'm very upset at them but I pretend to be nice cuz I know my kids are listening. Cuz I know my kids are listening and I and I'm and I'm I listen to them cuz the the kids notice everything. They're very they're they're they're smarter than Rabbi you're doing a very good job with the interview are the kids listening right now? No they're not. They're I I asked them nicely to go to sleep so they went to sleep. Okay, Rabbi daughter Groner time. So much so much inspiration. Really really enjoying this back and forth. Unfortunately, time is is coming close to an end. I wish it could be on forever. This is so inspiring and uplifting. But can you please leave us with some closing remarks regarding Sefirat HaOmer and the great holiday of Shavuot, which is right around the corner. Give us some final thoughts and final inspiration and chizuk. Okay, I'll end off with with one idea. I thought you were going to say I'm going to end up with an amazing story like you said before. Amazing story. Then we're going to review and then we're going to review. Um I I let my father have his trademark and uh Okay. Okay. I was waiting for So I'll end off with one idea that there's a um an obvious question, why on the holiday of Shavuot, why do we read Megillat Ruth? Why do we read Ruth? So there's many explanations why we read Ruth on Shavuot, and I always say that there's only one explanation why we read Megillat Esther on Purim, and there's only one explanation why we read Eichah on Tisha B'Av. That's because the answer is obvious. If you need many answers, many explanations why we read Ruth on Shavuot, then that's an indication that it's not so obvious. So many answers offered, but one beautiful answer is the following, that we come to the holiday of Kabbalat HaTorah, accepting the Torah upon ourselves, that's what we want. And what do we read? We read about a story of chesed. A story of chesed. Ruth was all alone. She comes to Boaz, and Boaz, the the the the pesukim, the the verses tell us that Boaz was kind to Ruth. He gave her the wheat, the barley kernels. He gave He He took her in. He took care of her, and he married her when she was left all alone. You would think we would read something about Kabbalat Torah and about so we read but but we add a chesed. And for the Kriat Torah itself, we read about Kabbalat Torah and the actual giving of the Torah. But for the for for the Megillah, that we read story of chesed because it goes hand in hand. The chesed has to go along with the Torah. Like you mentioned before, it's not what it's it's a misconception to think that I'm I'm I'm good to go as long as I have the Torah without the the maasim tovim, without the tzedakah, without the charity, without chesed, without being careful not to hurt people's feelings. It's it's totally zeh bazeh. It goes It goes hand in hand. Hashem wants to see both. Again, it's not for us to decide which is better, which They're both important. That Mishnah in Pirkei Avot, im ein Torah, ein derech eretz, im ein derech eretz, ein Torah. The Mishnah says both. You got to have both. You got to work on both and it's a struggle. It's a battle and we're we're constantly battling, but that's what we're like like we're we're growing up. We count up. 1 2 3 4 higher and higher higher till we get to number 49 and number 50, Kabbalat Torah. And Chazak and the Meiro family, they are helping everyone. They are enabling all and Robbie together enabling all of Am Yisrael to get there. Whether it's the Torah, whether it's the avodah, whether it's the gemilus chassadim. All We're all in this together and my birchas hedyot, my bracha to you is that Chazak and all of you should continue your phenomenal phenomenal work and nothing is going to stop you guys, not Corona, not nothing. And bezrat Hashem, you guys are going to bring Mashiach. We're all going to bring Mashiach together and and we'll have to see what happens to Zoom after Mashiach comes, but at least this way we'll be together in Yerushalayim. Amen. Amen, Rabbi Eliezer Krome. Thank you so much for the chizuk, for the inspiration. You mentioned about Megillat Ruth, I have to add that Ruth is gematria 606. And she was a giyores, she was a convert. So we all know that have how many mitzvot? Sheva mitzvot B'nei Noach. 606 plus 7 is 613, which is the amount of mitzvot we have in the Torah. She accepted upon herself the Torah. So are we going to accept upon ourselves the the Torah b'ezrat Hashem this Shavuot? And with b'ezrat Hashem with derech eretz, like the rabbi spoke so beautifully today. It was so inspiring, it was so uplifting. B'ezrat Hashem we shall all be zocheh, we shall all merit to see the geulah shleimah speedily in our days. Amen v'amen. Thank you Rabbi Eliezer Krohn. Thank you. for your time. Continue hatzlacha with regards to the whole mishpacha mitzrayim. Yes. Okay, thank you for having me. Be well.