CHAZAQ's Torah Talks #203 Mr. Shalom Meirov - Overcoming Lyme Disease & Anxiety

people have to understand and I'm sure people do know this is that there's so many different opinions out there about Lyme disease. Oh, take it for two weeks. Antibiotics for three weeks, take it for if your symptoms last, take it for a month, take it for as long as it last. You you have people who say this by the way like like organizations of lime they say that if as long as your symptoms last continue taking antibiotics. they say this right and on the flip side you have people who are like very much against antibiotics and who say don't take any antibiotics and deal with it on your own etc. So I'm I was completely at a loss. I I didn't know what to do. I didn't know who to turn to. And I kept everything I kept everything inwards. And that was probably the worst thing I could have done [Music] and welcome to Torah Talks Kazak's program with special guests. We have with us my very own cousin Shalom Barab. Welcome. Thank you very much for having me. Of course, it's great to have you. Uh I think yeah, my first family member Railan. Really? Look at that. Took you took you this long. Well, you had you had your brother, right? I did not have Ran on. Oh, wow. Railan's watching. Hope he doesn't uh take it personally. No, no, no. Well, he's he's he's busy anyway. We got some we had a baby boy. Only happy occasions. So we're going to be discussing overcoming Lyme disease and anxiety. But before we get to that topic, we got a little background about yourself. So my name is Shalom Miro. I'm Raban's first cousin. Very fortunate to be his first cousin and to be part of the the Mishbah. Uh I grew up in Queens and um I'm 42 years old. Oh, Hashem. I'm married. I have uh have six kids and um I teach in a public school high school in Brooklyn and um keep in mind you're in the Kazak headquarters and there for what? Public school. That is ironic that I'm teaching in a public school. I can't have public schools closed down. It's my livelihood. But uh yeah, so that is that is interesting. But uh yeah, I've been teaching there for almost 15 years and uh and so I have summers I have off. Um I typically teach in the summer in this in the summer, but I I um I took last summer off and and this summer as well. And uh yeah, I live in Queens. Uh I'll be moving to Yuki Hills very soon. So very excited about that to be to be close to the uh to the Kazak headquarters over here. Um yeah, anything else? Um okay, great. So, so, so let let us know about um about the how you got infected. So, as a Bkharian uh Jew, I um I don't typically go away to upstate to the Catskills. Uh what I do is um every every once in a while, I've done this maybe a total of four times or so since I got married. I go I go to the Caskills maybe for the weekend, for a couple of days. So two summers ago, it was my idea. I said to my wife, "Let's do this right before summer officially begins. We're going to go to the Caskills, rent out a cabin, and uh and uh and have a good time. Go to the pool over there, our own little pool. that way we can uh jump jump start the summer in a in a in a very fun way. And that's what we did. And uh we did that. And uh it was there where my two kids got bitten by um by ticks. Uh and uh and I actually saw the the tick. I saw the tick. And uh you have to understand this is something that's new to me. I don't know how to deal with this. I I I I knew that this they look like ticks. And right away I told my wife, "Listen, before they go take showers tonight, you got to make sure that we check everywhere." And uh and that they're uh they're free of any any ticks or anything cuz we I I removed them. I removed them. And uh and uh that's what we did. We gave the kids showers and we saw nothing. And um and then that very night when I was when I was in bed, I realized that I didn't check my own my my my own skin. And uh at that point, I took my my phone, my flashlight, and I uh I started with my my left foot, and as I was going up, I noticed a very almost microscopic. It was so small, size of a poppy seed. It was under right underneath a hair strand. And I told my wife, I said, "Listen, I think there's a take over here." And she was very calm about it. She was just very calm and said, "Oh, just remove it." She had no worries at all. And I told my wife I was ready to go, ready to pick up and leave because my two daughters had it. I I definitely I saw it on me. My wife was pregnant at the time, so I was worried that she might have had it, that she had it somewhere and the rest of my kids. So, I was I was um I was ready to leave, but I figured since my wife wanted to stay and she was having a good time, we stayed and uh so that was that. We eventually left and we came back home. Everything was good. No symptoms or anything. And then my daughter, the older one, was complaining of an itch in that specific area where she was bitten. So, right away, I got into panic mode. Mhm. Because this is like about 2 weeks after the the bite, she's suddenly it's itching down there. It's itching there. And like two weeks later, so right away, I took it to the doctor. I said, "Listen, I want you to give her antibiotics for potential um Lyme disease." And he's like, "I don't think it's Lyme disease." D. And then I was like, he's like, "Listen, I'm going to give it to her even though I don't think it's Lyme disease. I'll give it to you because I want you I want you to calm down." So he gave it to her for 10 days. And then I had called my doctor friend and I said, "Listen, is it 10 days? Is it two weeks? Is it because you hear different things." So, my friend uh he showed me this he showed me this article that appeared in one of the Jewish uh family magazines. And in this article that they had referenced an organization, a Jewish organization that helps people with Lyme disease. And I and I got their number. I called them up and these people told me, "You got to you got to take it for at least 3 weeks." So I was doing more research and I was and as I was doing more research on this. I was developing symptoms but the symptoms that I was developing I made I did not connect to Lyme disease. My head was stiff. My neck was stiff. My ear was stiff. I was going to ask you what were your symptoms? So so what the symptoms? Yeah. So again, when I first got symptoms, I did not connect it to Lyme disease. I just thought it was maybe me sleeping in the room with an AC on after a shower and I got my ear started hurting. I figured that was an ear ache. But what really started everything was I got up one morning and there was a bulge on my neck right over here. A big bulge, maybe the size of a walnut or something. No. Imagine waking up one day, a bulge on your neck. You have no idea what this is. And then I just kind of brushed it away. My wife was like, "Go to the doctor." I'm like, "It'll go away, whatever." And then I was, as I was doing more research for my daughter about Lyme disease and whether she should take little antibiotics for two weeks or maybe 3 weeks, I came across a website where they said that sometimes people who don't get the classic bullseye. usually I don't know if you know this but people who get Lyme disease many times they get a bullseye like a like a bullseye rash and then and in the article it said that for some people they don't get a bullseye and instead they get a lymph node that swells on their typically on their neck and when I saw that a light bulb went on and right away I realized that I definitely had Lyme disease and so I went to the doctor he again brushed it off but he got I got tested for Lyme disease The very next day he told me I had Lyme disease. Mhm. And I got prescribed antibiotics. He gave it to me for two weeks. Two weeks. Now you are talking about the symptoms. You ready for this? Cuz I I don't want to I don't want to scare you or anything. I don't want to scare the people who are going who are in the CAT skills. And I think it's a good thing that we're doing this right now, Rabbi and Eve, because a lot of people are right now going to the CAT skills. need to be aware especially now [Music] 100%. And now now especially a lot of experts are saying that these things are becoming more common takes spread of tick etc. So the first thing was the the lymph node swelling and the achiness on the on the uh on the right side of my uh my head, my neck, my shoulder. And then what ended up happening was that I had achiness in my wrist and my ankles to the point where I couldn't carry bags. You know, like a regular shopping bag you couldn't carry. It's too heavy. Well, you couldn't even do that. I couldn't even drive. You know how you you press on the uh the pedal? I couldn't even do that. It's crazy. And so I'm on I'm on these antibiotics. And with these antibiotics, usually when you have, let's say, an ear infection, you take antibiotics, the pain goes away, right? Maybe a day or two, right? You figure the antibiotics are working. But not with Lyme disease. You see, Lyme disease, it plays tricks with your head. You know how? Because the pain goes away, but then it comes back. It goes away and then it comes back. So you don't know what's going on. You have no idea. It's a mash playing tricks with your head. So So I have this pain and it comes in and goes and not only does it come and go, it starts to migrate to different areas of my body. In other words, almost like arthritis. I I don't know if you've ever experienced it, but it's this it's it just migrates to different areas of your body and it's very unsettling because when you when you want to go to sleep, it just kind of moves at different areas and you don't know how to how to how to deal with it. And I'll tell you right now, Rabb you know what the worst part of it was all and I'm not even finished with the symptoms, right? This is the worst part and this is something that I want to share with your listeners. The worst part was that I kept everything to myself. And the emotional pain that I experienced as a result of that was worse than the physical pain. Let me repeat that. The feelings of loneliness I felt, the feelings of guilt. You're going to ask me why. I'll tell you why guilt. Because it was my idea to go to to the cats and I was the one who had we rented the cabin. Turns out the cabin was right next to the pool, meaning it was this guy who had like a very big house and he also had a cabin he rented out. The thing with the thing with his man, his house was that all around his house it was beautifully cut. The grass was cut, but the path between the cabin and his pool wasn't cut and around the cabin wasn't cut. So, I don't know if you know this, but ticks, they live in in tall grass. And when we were going back and forth from the cabin to the pool and we were in our bathing suits, you can already see how this how this came about, right? So I I felt very I felt guilty and I felt very upset at what had happened. I was like, why is this the the owner of the house yet the grass was cut and yet when it came to my family and and the area around it was not cut, I felt almost as if it was he was responsible for it. it was happening to my to my kids and and to me. But it turned out rave that none of none of my none of them had Lyme disease. Turned out after we tested them for lyme disease, the only person who got lime was me. And you know what's funny about this? I'm the type of person who always crosses the tees and and dots the eyes. I'm always on top of things. I always make sure that everything is in order. The kids are good and everyone's everyone's everyone, you know, everything is in in order. I'm I'm I'm this is what I do, right? And I feel like this entire thing happened, this is my interpretation as a religious Jew. My interpretation of this entire episode was that God was telling me, you're not in control of anything. [Music] In fact, two summers ago, you were giving a speech in Tishab. Was it Tishab or Shiva Sabamuz? I think it was I think it was Shiva I think it was you had a marathon of speakers and you weren't one of the speakers and I remember one of the things you said it kind of made me cry a little bit. I mean I had a teardrop coming out because it hit home. I think you think I think one of the things you said was that it may seem very cliche but some when someone's experiencing the kind of pain that I was experiencing even something so cliche sounding hits home and what you say what you said was that you said God is in control. We say this all the time, but when a person experiences the kind of pain that I experienced terms of emotional pain because I was really at that time I wasn't sure about my own kids, my pregnant wife, I I wasn't sure what's happening to me. When you when you try to focus on that and realize that mama Hashem is in control and that everything that's happening to me, right, everything that was happening to me and to my wife and to my kids was was completely in God's hand and he was running everything. And I what I want to say also, you might be asking why didn't I tell anybody? My wife was pregnant and she was in her first second month. M and with my wife, she she shuts down when she's probably when she went initially at least she shuts down and she has a difficult she has well with this with this one, right? This was our This was the She was pregnant with her sixth one and this was after four This is Yes. This is after four girls and finally she got pregnant again and and she shut down and and and I didn't want to I didn't want to tell her what I was experiencing. She knew I had lime, but I didn't want to tell her what I was really experiencing. You understand? It's one thing to have, let's say, an infection or disease, but it's quite another to tell a person what you're really feeling. You understand? Yeah. So, I didn't tell her anything. I didn't tell my parents. They're elderly. I didn't want to have my parents worry about and also with Lyme disease, people have to understand, and I'm sure people do know this is that there's so many different opinions out there about Lyme disease. Oh, take it for two weeks. Antibiotics for 3 weeks, take it for if your symptoms last, take it for a month, take it for as long as it last. You You have people who say this, by the way, like like organizations of lime. They say that if as long as your symptoms last, continue taking antibiotics. They say this, right? And so those that don't do any antibiotics, they like to figure out natural and then on the Yes. Exactly. And on the flip side, you have people who are like very much against antibiotics and who say don't take any antibiotics and deal with it on your own, etc. So I'm I was completely at a loss. I I didn't know what to do. I didn't know who to turn to and I kept everything I kept everything inwards and that was probably the worst thing I could have done. I don't think Hashem expects you when a person you have a challenge in life or even let's say God forbid a disease god forbid God forbid. I do not think that God expects you to just have a relationship with him and not to tell anybody. That is not what Hashem wants you to do. That is my take on on what I experienced. Hashem wants you that relationship with you, but he also wants you to tell not to tell the whole world, but a few close friends or maybe a a close family member. The act right, I know in retrospect right now, the act of you verbalizing and telling someone what you're experiencing, the challenge you're experiencing, that in of itself helps you recover 100%. 100%. So, you mentioned about the symptoms. Well, I didn't those are just those were just the beginning symptoms and you have to be mindful of the fact that I I started taking this the antibiotics only two weeks after which is very good. It's like full recovery. You take you take it only two weeks after you get lime you're good. The horror stories you hear online people is when they when it when they when they find out about like a month not a month a year later when it when the symptoms just came a year later and it turned out that a year before they had the bug and did not they didn't take anti only two weeks later but let me tell you the symptoms that I had so you you understand the kind of so I had the I had the migr the migratory pain all over my body and then that's eventually after four five weeks that started the lesson and I'm thinking, "Thank God I'm out. Thank you. I'm at the finish line. Thank God my wife and kids, they don't have Lyme disease." And I forgot to mention, Rabini, that during that whole little escapade in the Catskills, my parents had come for about 2, three hours for a barbecue and they were they were also walking back and forth. So you have to understand that I forgot to mention this to you but at the I'm also thinking when this first occurred that they also had Lyme disease. So it's crazy. Not my parents, my kids, my pregnant wife. So at four or five weeks I'm thinking, "Oh god, it's done. I'm feeling it's I'm starting to feel better. I've already taken antibiotics for four weeks even though I didn't really have to, but I was I just wanted to be on the safe side. I took it for four weeks and that in of itself has its has it has its side effects. Weakens you. You don't have an appetite. I lost like at least 15 pounds. Wow. And then I'm at the finish line and then one morning I wake up. This is during the night actually. During the night I sleep and I feel this excruciating pain and I got up I changed sweating and in the morning I felt good. Meaning I was like what the what was that? And then for the next six weeks I felt tremendous pain. I had that for six weeks straight. I went to doctors. Doctors told me there's nothing wrong with you. Nothing. Physiologically, there's nothing there. You're good. What is this then? And the worst part is is this fear that this is going to be indefinite because with Lyme disease, you know, there's a some individuals in our own community where their lives were destroyed. One got divorced and you one is bedridden. Not too many cuz we don't really Wow. It's crazy. And they said then the sentence didn't stop there. And then I developed insomnia for three straight nights and it just hit me just like nowhere. Out of nowhere just hit me. I couldn't sleep. Now when I say I couldn't sleep, I don't mean Yeah, maybe I I closed my eyes. I was I was out for a couple maybe in half an hour toilet and I got up. I couldn't keep my eyes closed. I could not sleep for three days, three nights straight. I called my doctor. I said, "Doc, I can't sleep. I'm I don't know what to do over here." So, he's like, "Listen, I'm going to give you Xanax. I'm going to give you Xanax. It's a It's considered to be a benzo drug. considered to be something relatively serious. I mean, you can get addicted to this. And he tells me, I'm only going to give you seven because I don't want you to be addicted to this. You got to go to a therapist. So, you should know, again, I'm I'm I'm from the Bkharan community. I don't know. I think three times before I take a Tylenol. You understand what I'm trying to tell you? I don't I don't know anything about taking these kind of drugs to go to sleep and but I had no choice. I couldn't sleep. No. So I started I took like seven in the I broke I broke it within the and I and I took it within the course of maybe three or four weeks. I I I broke one. I you know I didn't want to take a full dosage. Right. Anyway, but my insomnia didn't stop there cuz I developed severe anxiety. One thing led to the next. It was a domino effect. One thing leading to the next and and and the whole time raid you're trying to maintain a relationship with bar and you're praying and you're that's another thing I I I want to mention is that I'm I'm working on I'm working on prayer. I'm working I'm working on all these things and I feel like enough enough God enough. It's just one thing after the next. The the the the muscle pains and then and then the and then the uh you got the insomnia and then you got the you got the um very intense. It was very intense. It was an anxiety severe anxiety. It was the pan and then and then I developed panic attacks before Lyme disease. I didn't know what anxiety was. So what do you do with an anxiety? I didn't know what it was. No, it's completely debilitating by the way. Yeah. Anxiety and especially in our community where we we don't talk about mental health or it's a taboo subject. I didn't know where to turn. And then Hashem sent me to an organization. He sent me through a good close friend of mine. He sent me there's an organization out of Brooklyn called Simha. Have you heard of them? Simha. They deal with mental health issues. And I spoke to a wonderful man, a wonderful man, Dr. Mandel uh Mandelbound. Dr. Mandelbound. And sitting with him in his office was the first time it I spoke. We spoke I spoke really two hours. I told him everything was going on in my life at that time. two hours. It might have been two two and a half hours. Wow. And just talking to him about my experience because you have to remember everything was kept inside, right? All my symptoms, the experience, my kids and what had happened to them and my wife, the fact that she was pregnant. She I was like a single parent because she was out pregnant out. She was out and I want I I hid you. You still teaching at this whole time? Right. And I and and this was and I was teaching a summer school at the time and I was hiding everything from her and from my parents from everyone from everyone. So and I was telling him everything. I just spilled it out which was felt good to be honest with you. Anyway, he tells me after speaking for him two and a half hours he tells me, "Oh, it's an anxiety anxiety. I have severe like panic attacks. He tells me it's all anxiety. I mean, he he friended a little differently. He said, "I I I humbly I believe that that's what's happening to you right now, and anxiety." So, and I remember at the time clearly thinking, "Is he listening to me? Is is he coping what I'm saying? I have physical pain." physical symptoms. Are you trying to tell me this is an anxiety? I'm feeling pain. Not emotional. I'm feeling that too, but I'm feeling physical pain. Anyway, Barashem, this is an organization that refers you to the right people. Right? So, he sent me he said to me, "You should see," he recommended I see a psychotherapist and psychiatrist. psychiatrist is is the one who can actually prescribe you medication. Right now again like I said to you this is all new this is all new to me I don't God for right never crossed my mind psychiatrist so he proceed so I went to see a psychiatrist I first went to see a psychotherapist in the five towns and uh and I told him listen I want to I knew right away raiv that the way I'm going to combat This the way I'm going to overcome this is by taking a multi-pronged approach approach which means I'm going to put faith [Music] prayer obviously psychotherapy which CBT things you can do right on your own meditate etc stuff like that and psycho psychiatrist like medication lifestyle changes is I decided that in right away that I was going to tackle this by taking these by taking a multi- uh approach. Right. So, so that's what I did. So, tell us about the health related uh I'm saying how you tackled all these health related issues. So, like I said, I knew right away that I had to take a multi-pronged approach, right? And prayer. Like I said, I there was a safer that was in my house. It's called the gateway to happiness by Ravelli Bliskin. I even though I was experiencing the pain and the emotional pain, the physical pain, when I couldn't sleep, I would just open that book and I would read and I would underline, I would really be I would really interact with the safer, write notes and really try to try to uh in take these messages. You you've you've read this before. You've seen this before. It's like a red book interview. So that really helped me a lot. That really helped me a lot. And I was like I was feeling I was feeling better emotionally. And I remember when I was speaking to the the psychiatrist, I said to him, "Listen, do I he No. So what the psychiatrist did was when I spoke to him, he said, "Ch," he I told him I was taking Xanax and and but I I want to stay away from Xanax. I mean, and he said to me, he said to me, "What I'm going to do is I'm going to give you Lex Pro." Lexapro is an SSRI class of medication which means that you take it and it takes about six weeks for it to hit you. Six weeks for it to hit you. It treats anxiety and depression. [Music] Now you have to understand again coming from my world. We don't we don't take these kind of drugs. Lex bro I came there with that anxiety. I left with all that anxiety. I don't want to take Lex. I said to him I said to him, listen, I don't need Lexapro. All I need is some pills to go to sleep at night. That's all it is. I just need to sleep. I got this. I'm reading this book. It's not like Plus get to happiness. I'm working on myself. I don't I don't need this. He tells me say Shalom. Your anxiety is causing you physical symptoms. It's something called sematic anxiety. Mam your body it's not you thinking you have physical symptoms you are literally experiencing physical symptoms stress ra can do that right if stress levels doesn't get checked god forbid a person can experience physical symptoms and for different people it can manifest differently for me that is how it manifested area pain in that specific area. Some people have back pain, some people have neck pain, some people for me that is how it manifested. He said I want to tackle this right now with medication because he says I don't want it to manifest in a different form in a more aggressive form. He said, "What you're doing right now with your psychotherapist right now with CBT and the mindfulness and that's all beautiful, but he said right now you're at a point where all that stuff that you're learning is not really coming in in your brain right now. It's like imagine studying for a test, let's say, and you're right by the highway with a desk over there. You think going to you're going to grasp all these things?" No. You're at a point now where you need to you need to take these drugs, this Lexapro, so that you reach to a you reach to a level where you can learn these things and and and adapt these things and and make these lifestyle. He said to me, "It's beautiful that you're making your lifestyle changes. You're going running. You're going to the pool. That's all beautiful." But he said, "Let's let's get let's get you on Lexipro. And then what we'll do is we'll taper it down. we'll go let's say from he initially gave me 10 milligrams of Luxipro 10 milligrams and so he gave me 10 milligrams and at the same time I was also seeing a psychotherapist where we spoke about just my my upbringing and family dynamics etc. I don't know if you know but psychotherapists some of them at least they go macro which means he was telling me shalom he says you know how you can have four people witnessing a horrific horrific car accident and three of them after the horrific accident they lead normal lives but one of them it's he starts spiraling downwards he says they all saw the same thing why is that three of them have normal lives and one of them why why is that they saw the same He said to me often times it's it could be things that have happened to you previously when and and therefore he tells me it it's often a good idea to take it to a macro level. So I told him my family dynamics. I told him uh where I grew up etc. And then we uh I had several sessions with him and that was also very helpful. Very helpful. But like I said how do I tackle this? I tackled it in it. I tackled it in so many different areas that that that definitely helped out. But at the same time, you have to understand that everything will take its time. In other words, you don't want to take too much on yourself where you just go crazy. Fastact yourself, you won't get 100%. If you take a little, you'll be Exactly. So, I I did it I think in a in I I I I did it in a I think a in a in a in a good pace where it was constructive. I think I chilled out. I uh I did what I had to do. But again, I cannot tell you how prayer specifically thanking Hashem has helped me. I'll tell you this is I and this is something I still do today. Right before Modim what I do is I thank Hashem. I used to to it used to be it was very general like thank you Hashem thank you with my life thank you you know but now ever since lamb disease I'm very specific with my prayer with my thanking so right before mold every single day three times a day I I I I would say something like thank you that I can breathe that I can speak that I can hear or that I can think or that I can because you have to understand when I got insomnia I I don't think up until I got a Samia I ever thanked Hashem that that that I was able to go to bed and fall asleep. You have to no people don't you have to the fact that you can just lie down on your bed and that you can fall asleep. For a person who cannot do that, it is literally suffering to see everyone go to sleep in your house and know that the entire world for the most part is sleeping and you're up tossing and turning. Yeah. Trying to Yeah. And so the experiences that I've experienced in terms of my pain, fact that I couldn't carry bags, the fact that I couldn't think clearly made me appreciate everything, everything. And I've adopted this. I I say thank gosh that I can speak, that I can listen, that I can hear, that I can that I can go to, that I can taste food, that I can that I can think clearly. All right. It like because Lis has completely just crumbled crumbled my world. So when a person experiences that and he comes out of it, it's a second chance. Very powerful. Very very very powerful. And the worst part of it all was this again this feeling of this fear that this is going to be indefinite. So one thing you know where you have a disease and it's going to or let's say an infection you know that oh two weeks you're done. But with lies again you don't know. There's so many so many opinions out there. That was another thing what what made a little me what made it a little bit tricky for me to tell people because I was afraid that someone might tell me oh like this one guy I spoke to my people where where I d I asked him I figured he would know because he goes he was the cast I told him you know lime this and that what do I know my 17-year-old daughter was bedridden for one year with Lyme disease imagine he told me this when I was in the middle of it so I I tried to tell one person and they it made me made me feel worse Well, so so again prayeron psychotherapy this is so important guys this is so important it cannot be a taboo in in our community in the Bkharian community especially because this is also in the Jewish community but especially in the Bharan community it cannot mental health is is probably more important than phys physical health people see you're not doing well you're you're you're limping whatever it is god forbid with mental It's you don't see it disguised. It's disguised which makes it much worse. 100%. We're always encouraging. We actually have all the vision that's in the works. Mr. Shamid with Hashem's help. Uh sham very very very informative to our talk and uh we have a custom mean of a final message to our broad audience. Truth is I'm writing a book about my experience. Oh wow. Yes. because there's so many messages and so many lessons that I've that I want to share with the with with the wider community with the world. Don't just go through it, but grow through it. And that's what you're doing. You didn't just go through this uh this experience, but you're going to go through it and help others as well. 100%. Like I mentioned to you, I I feel like this is God's given me a second chance because for about 7 months or eight months or so, my world was literally falling down. Wow. I saw darkness cuz one thing led to the next. Like I said earlier, it was a domino effect. One thing led led led to the next. And like I said, initially I couldn't understand why Hashem was doing this to me. I was very because here I was I'm I try to be a good Jew. I try to keep the mitzvah. I have a wife and I have a family. I I try to I tried to my to the best of my ability. And yet this was happening to me one after the other. It wasn't like a hit, two hits and boom. It kept getting worse and worse and worse and worse. So my lasting messages, you know, it's the things you often hear rabbis speak about how life is could be a challenge and you have to grow and this and that and all these things. They sound cliche and it's true. They sound like all right, whatever. But when a person experiences a specific challenge as I did and you think and about these words intens intensely I remember for example my wife not my wife but I'll tell you need you need also proper I'll tell you why because at some point I f I I kept lashing at myself I was saying if only I had greater if only I had greater bet in the cat skills when it first when the when I saw the bug on my kids and on myself if only I had great and I would have been like you know what it's all mashem let's just move on if only I had greater none of this would be happening right now it's only because I was lacking this seems like it's very noble what I'm doing but this I this feeling made it worse it made my anxiety even worse so you need I knew even I knew that I was going to stop this that this was not I'll give you another example you need to have one of The other things I tried to take upon myself was do daf. I I figured listen I need to do something on a consistent basis and I tried doing it but it backfired because it was so intense. It was just it wasn't just the daf the rabbi that I went to he did rash and he did and it was just so overwhelming because I felt like I wasn't grasping any of it. And this is why I was going through the lime and then the anxiety and I I said to myself this I cannot be doing this. I had to stop and and and do other things that would be better for me. You know what I mean? So in life you need you need certain things that may seem like it's the right thing to do may be the bad thing to do. Might be the wrong thing for for a person to do. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you? Yeah. So in terms of lasting message there are so many uh but I'll leave you with one last message. One final final message and that final message is that one final message was and again I I I grew up where as a Jew right where you're where we are taught that there's this hatara and you have to fight it and if you're feeling this you're feeling that you have to combat it but again that is true but when but a person also has to understand that in my situation where I had this anxiety this idea of fighting and trying to combat these feelings of anxiety and and and sadness when you do that it makes the anxiety worse. I remember the very first session after sitting down with my with my psychotherapist and I and he listened and he my first session he just listened and I'm like and he and that was it. I was like that's it. Like what? Give me give me give me a tip. He's like give me something. I I can't sleep. I'm I'm my world is crumbling underneath me. And he says something that I couldn't forget. He said he said just be. What do you mean just be? What do you mean by just be? I can't be. I don't like where I am right now. I'm trying to fight this. I don't like where I am right now. Why are you telling me to just be? He says, that is why it's getting worse because you're constantly trying to fight your feelings. He says, you it's okay for you to feel this way right now because you went through a terrible ordeal. Accept it. You know how in Judaism or my mom or your mom would say, accept it with love. Yes or no? So, we we've we've heard this, but when a person has a challenge, accept it. Well, just accept it. Accepting it means that you're you have an easier time overcoming overcoming of overcoming Lyme disease and anxiety. a lot of practical lessons not just for Lyme disease but any types of difficulties in I know that a lot of people are in in in in the cat skills. What I would say just in terms of practicality if you do see a bug on you what I would suggest you do is go right away to a health clinic. In other words, uh again not all takes give you Lyme disease but just to be on the safe side what I would suggest you do is go to an emergency room and there I'm sure there are a lot of resources and cat skills. go right away to the health clinic and uh and and they'll take you from there. And uh and again and also by the way if uh if you're hiking in the woods always it's it's best it's very advisable for you to have your your hands covered. Okay? And also your your legs covered uh because they do like to live these bugs. They they do like to live on these u on tall grass. And um and before every night before you take a shower, always just scan to make sure you don't have any any of these little uh bugs on you. Again, and most important when if you do find a bug on you, do not panic. Do not panic and just take the right course of action. Amazing. Another amazing Kazak Torah Talk. Uh Tuesday nights 8:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. kazak.org/lifechazq.org/life. Special thank to the various different platforms. So many of them I don't even know which names are on it. I get feedback from from oh I heard it on this and I saw it over there and just amazing uh over special shout and thank you to daily giving.org or dollar day goes very very far away. We encourage everyone to become a daily giver the the revolutionary organization. Uh to all the Kazak members really really thank you very much staff members board members supporters volunteers so many people involved with the revolution you could also be involved every single one of you be part of the revolution uh one way or another so many different divisions so many different uh advocacy so much great things happening we want to do a lot more with good news. Amen. We should marry to see the complete redemption. Thank you for Thank you for having me. I appreciate [Music]