CHAZAQ's Torah Talks #175 Rabbi Uziel Admoni - Challenges of Life

famous story from when his wife passed away 1998 one of the most powerful speeches at the funeral the world remembers is that he said I don't have to ask forgiveness for my wife cuz we never fought and never he was like look what the reason is when we had a question they didn't he didn't call it a problem what do we do he would take the open up and check it out and whatever is that's what they follow so they're both on their number of in this case you cannot ask everyone to open up they don't know those no problem have a rabbi but a rabbi that knows you that knows your family that knows your issues don't get just anybody get a rabbi that is the experience in that [Music] field welcome to Torah talks kak program with special guests we have with us all the way from Brooklyn RAB such a honor to have the rabbi over here thank you very much for joining us we're going to be speaking about challenges of life but before we do before we do that exciting topic we get a little bit background about the rabbi and the great work you're involved with first of all I want to open up with it's a honor true honor and pleasure to be in a place like that does so much for for everyone I want to wish you you should continue grow from strength to strength and only only happy occasions am Meen so as you mentioned my name is morning um I'm doing it my first time for one reason I know what you guys are doing and I want to be part of it I want to have the the Merit in this great mitv that you do so I guess in our DNA is TI public because if I go back in my background from my mother's side my grand grand father was in my grandfather was from he was also a member in theet he represented his community in Israel the uh he had high positions and um my father for many years had I was born raised here in New York among all the backgrounds of the Jewish communities or Orthodox Martin Orthodox in we went only Orthodox uh we speak a few languages just because we were in few places out there and U our experience is obviously with uh with everyone that wants to be close to Torah starting from the barely sh Shabbat kind of saying it keeping Shabbat till the and uh my spe my experience is first of all with giving lectures also dealing with schom issues as being a member in um medine uh we deal also with uh financials with uh difficulties that people have um I have my organization that helps out also people out and um we see what people are going through and that's why I thought the best way to help people out is to go through the challenges of life and whatever I can help out I'll be more than happy to do so 100% amazing uh it's in the family we're a large family the all rabbis and I guess uh we have we have to continue the Legacy that we got from our parents Grand parents we are proud of them they should be proud of us the RAB is also the rabbi in Brooklyn a happening and it's a big honor the rabbi is with us and and the question is Rabbi were the life's challenges which is the topic what are some challenges that people go through in life RAB well I would put it into at least three main categories obviously Shalom B is a major issue these days home yeah yeah um domestic Harmony as they call it in English um the other challenge which is a great challenges with the kids this days raising kids raising kids is a great challenge starting from finding the right place Community sh and then raising them basically on daily basis and uh then I would say a general one will be the peace Among Us in the community in general when it comes to financials if you want to call it parasa you could put it in there it's all challenges when it comes to financials these days due to what people are are going through and regulations and problems and so on and it lights up in very negative ways in in by uh by people right um the main that I would give is number one is have a rabbi have a community have someone guide you even rabbis have rabbis to guide them and how they became leaders it's because they learned from their leaders from their rabis and their parents depends everyone with from where it comes from so that's number one because that would prevent a lot of people from going into issues and situations and problems that uh you know know you going sometimes people cry on decisions they made in life because they didn't have the right guidance I could tell you that the Torah brings two words for for smart man and if you take the word means being smart being wise but what's the difference between and right definition you might come and say naon has something extra but we're in life do you see it so I heard a beautiful uh understanding on what in the name of the chief is he says a smart man knows how to get out of problems na does not go into it from the beginning so if someone has the right guidance Rabbi a community it prevents from a lot of issues and problems in situations that he might regret in his in his life later on very powerful so the rabbi tou bed shal which is peace of the home of domestic Harmony a raising kids and I guess we'll put it as the financials if we could just give tips on every single I know the overall tip is said make for RAB you're going to get out of all doubts and you have someone to ask questions to uh but being you're involved with as well uh Harmony between husband and wife between business partners between neighbors uh suggestions if we're going to touch with the number one I would start with Shalom for one reason whatever kids see that's what they're going to be if they saw the parents following as we said Rab in t it will help them out in life if they see the parents on the same page it would help them in life and you preventing a lot of issues in in education and raising the children when it comes to this issues that people are facing today and everyone has his own challenges direct correlation peace in the home and raising kids there's peace in the home the kids will see it yeah it's like a positive and negative when it comes to electricity you need both so kind of I it goes together and I mean they proved it today when there's kids that when there there's no father involved they they're not then they come out differently I would say in this way in a positive way I would say they're not it's not the same if uh God created the world having a father and a mother there's a reason why the father gives his share in life and the mother gives her experience and Shar in life as it says the father gives his his part of life and the mother everyone has his his experience his understanding and so on so Shalom I mean there's a lot what to talk about Shalom by because as being a member in the but not only being the member is receiving all the cases go through me so I basically have to overlook every case out there and I just came back from another phone call of an issue of of a couple married 20 years just to let you know if there's an issue from the beginning of the marriage and you don't take care of it it it doesn't get resolved it just grows and grows it's like a tree it's not going to go away you're going to have to deal with it you're going to have to fix it and as sooner as better um so come coming here and touching and saying this is the problem that's it no there's a lot of issues out there um I could say that building a home it's like build building a business in business you know the driver knows his his part of the business is to move things from one place to another place he's not going to go and make decision in other departments and he's good what he's going to be he's a driver if he knows to do the right things get the things done getting the address being there on time delivering the right uh package then he'll be awarded for that and then the secretary his or hers job whatever her job whoever is there knows his job is to receive phone calls answering the phone calls and they're good in it and they're going to get rewarded and get paid for that everyone has and knows position his goal his mission his challenges and so on and within time you get better and better but if you mix things up then you're not going to have a business running you're going to lose the business going to have fights and so on same thing they role in life and in this case in the home the father has to know what his job is and the mother has to know where her job what's her position in in the home is and obviously there's General things there's specific things and the problem is a lot of times things are going into you know um I don't want to use the word fight but misunderstanding each other um obviously when a person would learn more about it he'll know but if a person doesn't learn doesn't study what you expect when someone not knowing what's going on you have to know what a Jewish Home is and what it takes from you to do it one of the problems that I get the point is when parents in this case I would say the father goes out there to bringa you have to bring him you know Wife and Kids cost money you have to go and provide and they're too busy with the business they forgot about the wife they they forget about the kids so what happens now the wife doesn't feel he's a husband the kids don't feel he's a father so what happens when he's on open area other things come in so now they get friends you don't know where their friends are the wife started talking to friends it could be her own family and they started talking and when they talk obviously what comes in in oh he's not home he's not there and that causes issues and now the biggest problem that I saw in this particular point is that other people give you opinions which they don't even know how those home the home is being run and those people ruin many times the marriage I could tell you that I was once right here in Queens by Rim's Med I would not forget that case out of all the hundreds of cases that I faced I I was here for period of time with the rabbi and after a while you know I was as as we said and mention I'm in Brooklyn but I would come in once in a while and I came it happened to be coming that week and I'm sitting with and other abis and to me I even see them as a couple I saw two young kids basically a boy and a girl coming to the B I thought they have questions for the wedding or some other things I even think they were married and they started talking about that they have an issue with Shabbat and other problems and this and that and I'm trying to figure out what's going on here matter of fact that couple was got married on a Sunday on Wednesday they in bedin to get divorce and these 12 family members outside fighting from his side and her side and I'm and I see that the couple are not even you know they got married three days ago do you understand three days they married and they coming to bedin but the main fighting was outside they were okay so I asked RAB B can I can I see what I can do about so I took the the boy I told the different RAB you speak to the girl and then we switched and they agreed they don't have to get divorce we'll get over it and so on so on I was able to push it off but only for 25 hours mhm I wasn't there the next day but I heard they got divorce cuz the main fight was outside among the families M so when other family members interfere and I don't want to go into names of communities some communities have it even worse than others they cause major issues the couple can be perfect but it's the families or the friends or neighbors sometimes your attention is perfect I'm trying to help them out and I'm giving her tips but they exactly what you're telling her is the tips to go to the bed cuz you don't know the nature of the home you don't know who the husband is you're just from your experience but you're different than your friend the husband is different than your husband the kids are different challenges in life different questions different problems different communities sometimes different languages and understandings of life so you're trying to help out but you're ruining it oh so when the father is not there there's a gap who comes in usually the negative things come in not the positive out of it therefore in order to avoid it shrink the Gap that Gap be more there be there for the kids be there for the wife so there's no other people getting involved in taking over your position at home very powerful rabone very very very powerful so you're discussing different issues what's the proper way of resolve these issues according to the There's issues between husband and wife there's issues between business partners difference of opinions neighbors is a big thing so again number one thing is having a rabbi when there's an issue you call the rabbi what do you do people call me up it's usually people that I know who they are I know what the challenges are and if I don't no problem come in I have to speak to both of you now I don't have always the time but we have members in the med we have the direct of the shalom by it for example today we have a couple of two 20 years married with four kids major issues they're going for divorce I'm I'm trying to hold it back to go through the the the the schom sessions which is at least three to five it depends we have the directive shom medine and we get the report after and we see how we could help out if needed and so on sometimes there's nothing you could do so depends every case is different but when you have a rabbi you have somebody you could go to and ask very it helps out in as famous story from from when his wife passed away 1998 and one of the most powerful speeches in the at the funeral that the world remembers is that he said I don't have to ask forgiveness for my wife because we never fought he never was like looking what and he says the reason is when we had a question they didn't he didn't call problem cuz when we have a question what do we do he would take the open up and check it out and whatever is that's what they follow so they're both under the umbrella of in this case you cannot ask everyone to open up they don't know those no problem have a rabbi but a rabbi that knows you that knows your family that knows your issues that comes maybe from the same background in someone don't get just anybody get a rabbi that has the experience in that field I would suggest to go to all the rabbis that they have already quite a few years of experience and ask them what to do get the right guidance learn things that you need to know and that would help out uh in most cases at least uh to to resolve the issues when it comes to schom now if we have to touch which raising children according to to the T there's a lot what to talk about again but I'll touch one point number one is the parents are the real model of the kids so if you want to make sure your kids are sh Shabbat if you are sh Shabbat your chance is that your kids will observe shabat if you are half and half if you are not then forget about it but if you are half and half most probably there'll be half of what your half is which is basically okay so they have to see that you care about Shabbat they have to see that you really mean it you like it you love it in one of the things is to accept Shabbat early you're showing that Shabbat is so important for you do it from love do it because we credited we we we we are happy that we have that day and we we look forward to come towards that day not saying oh now Shabbat is 4 o00 oh no no oh no what's your message to you child yes you might be sh Shabbat but so The Once from that I'll bring fromstein they asked them it happened to be the question was in yish they asked him how come people that came to America from Europe and they kept chabas they did everything possible to Wast an efforts to give up their lives they lost their job not only that they lost their jobs they gave in a lot of they gave just to be continue the religion like in Europe and Shas in kosher and everything today seems it's easy but those was very hard and they were fired out on Mon on Sunday they didn't have a job anymore and their kids didn't follow that this is against says something that you have for your kids are not going to be that talks about the daughter of that fell into one of the pits of those days that you would use it for water and he wasn't even worried about but they told me she's there for a while and we don't hear anything he wasn't but at the end of day they asked him how did you know when she came out how do you know that she's okay because person is not going to fall in or him on his kids toah that you gave food so they asked him how's it possible people especially in shabas people gave themselves he said one word inish means shabas shabas oh shabat so what what was the message to the kids it's Shabbat is difficult okay if it's difficult for you it'll be easy for me you know I'm not going to keep I'll do whatever I think I could do so it's very important that the kids see I took only one point uh talking about be model or Shabbat but it's in every Mitzvah praying yes sometimes it's hard to go and pray I could do at home let me just but don't forget the kids see it you're getting up late to pray on Shabbat morning where you kid see it's not so important but because he sees you on on Monday morning getting up 6 o' why you getting up 9:30 10:00 on Shabbat or he sees you going into sh but you're talking to your friends and doing prayer what's the message you're giving your kids or if there's a k you're the first one to be there but you're the last one to come to pray what do you what message goes in the house so those things are very very important because without even saying it we delivering it and the kids get exactly what they want to see and here very very true very very powerful morning loving every single moment in the message are very clear and very very powerful we have a CAG a final message from the rabbi final message from the RAB um I'll touch another point that we didn't uh speak about is the challenges of uh earning money these days yeah and that caused a lot of issues between people among the family abroad friends neighbors partners and so on we say the prayer of bat after eating a meal what do we say we ask for parasa and we mention in the panas in the prayer that we want to have a polite panasa we want to have it generous all what we ask over there but we forget one word there's one word that tells you you should earn your money the right way according to the according to the T and notom through maybe gel stealing or whatever not doing right why is that important everything in parasa depending how you got it if you got it you'll have you'll have you'll have in mind money is like a magnet has two sides to it one sticks and one it rejects so if you earn it the right way according to you have it it's not going anywhere but if not it rejects you and it wants to go back to original place so I'll set a short story that brings in about 100 years ago it was this person that uh uh unfortunately he wasn't married and he wasn't the greatest guy out there uh what he used to do is at night when he wants to eat something or whatever he would go into people homes and steal things and take whatever we don't like to say on a Jew stealing he would take things and whatever one day the rabbi gives a speech and talks about this particular Point earn you according to and if you earn the right way whatever belongs to you is yours nobody will be able to take away don't think that going around you're going to get it faster better you now this person sitting there and saying to himself the rabbi means me you know the difference between today and those days is those days if the rabbi would speak and say everybody is going to sayest himself the rabbi means me I got to change myself today when the rabbi speaks and he says M yeah you know the guy turns around Jack you heard what the RAB said Joey you heard what it's not for him it's for someone else anyway so but this person was honest with himself says you know what the rabbi is right what am I doing and he really felt very bad and he had he said to himself that's I'm not doing it anymore whatever belongs to me is going to come to me and so this person didn't really have what to stay so he was in the basically somewhere the in a room in the sh somewhere he would be half a shamash helping out giving tea and some maybe cookies to the that were sitting and learning so that day passes by he didn't really eat much except tea and some bis or whatever they call it and his stomach is kind of you know but he took it upon himself he's not going anywhere it is what it is if it belongs to it belongs to me whatever following day now he's really hungry it's two days two cups or three cups of water doesn't help much a biscuit doesn't help what is he going to do so that night because when a person is hungry you can't talk to him you know it's like you can say whatever you want but I'm hungry he says to himself this time I'm going to go to a home that I could uh support myself for a while you know what don't I don't have to do it every other day so he chosen himself a home of an almana M so he walks into the house magnant he never thought this such a beautiful home so many things that you could take for long for the long way kind of saying it that way and on top of everything he smells unbelievable smell he goes towards the smell he sees a full chicken yeah not cut as it is with the Beautiful the smell the look everything talks to him and he's now he's ready to take it to eat it but then something comes into his mind one second the rabbi said so if it belongs to you it's will come to you it'll come to you the right way you know not and he's fighting with himself meanwhile he sees the whole house masah you know he says this is this is exactly what I was looking for now this is the time to take but something is holding him back so he's fighting with himself back and forth what to do mhm and at the end of the day he walked out of there he didn't do it he didn't eat it he didn't steal anything meanwhile what happened when you broke he broke into the house the AL was up there she was terrified she was waiting for the morning like for she didn't know what's going to happen with her is there rape is there going she's going to be killed what's going on who's there she's by herself as the morning came in she waited for the H for the rabbi she has to talk to him make a long story short she says listen somebody broke into my house tonight I'm not staying one more night Al I'm I'm still young I want to get married even today do ab think how is he going to marry or now has to look for hat what comes to his mind the guy the sh he's not married he's you know let's ask him he goes over to him if we have somebody you don't have to worry about financials you ready to get married today CU I have no problem sure enough they get married in the home that he was there last night and the chicken is the the meal for that for the wedding in everything he saw is his because he said to himself you overcome the challenge if it belongs to me I'll get it I'm not going to do it in life we have a lot of challenges in life and sometimes you don't see the reward right away but remember one thing whatever belongs to you is yours nobody can take that away make sure that you get it the right way not you'll see Shalom you'll see you're going to see all the good things that you want to see from your home whether it's your wife your kids youra earning whatever you need is going to get to you the way hem directs it wow so powerful challenges of life Wow Wow Wow Wow amazing story I got the chills I want to thank everyone for joining us k talks Tuesday night 8:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time k.org c h aq. glive and amazing feedback continue sending in the feedback of all the special guests that we have suggestions always welcome and we want to thank our friends 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