CHAZAQ's Torah Talks #171 Rabbi Chaim Bieler - The Value of Giving

people will find that if they choose a cause that's meaningful for them they will have such Nas for themselves and their family one of the best ways to teach your children about what's important is to show them what you're doing maybe it is you know to sit with them as you go on your computer and make the dinner gift ask them to help you write the journal ad let them learn what you're doing let them read the stories of these Heroes The Sim that you can experience by watching someone change their lives in terms of the generations that are being created there's nothing nothing that matches that Sedaka is one of the ways to to get closer 100% because there are people who are blessed to be able to help and if you get to know an organization that will help your own understanding of the religion and why it's important we have survived because of our giving [Music] nature and welcome to Torah talk kazak's program with special guests we have with us RAB beer all the way from West H welcome much thank you for joining us once again we're going to be discussing and talking about the value of giving but before we do that if we get a little bit background about the rabbi the great work you're involved with I believe that if I was growing up these times I would have been a kazak participant oh wow because I went to public school until Yeshiva until Yeshiva College oh wow all the way and um was attracted to more observant Life by people who were very dedicated and G giving like you and your team and there wasn't a back then in the old days but you should know how many people followed my track and names that you would recognize right away people who have been ranim and teachers and Community leaders who got their start because someone introduced them to the beauty of Torah so I grew up in Queens went to Public School uh and then found out about a program called Torah leadership seminar which was run by yiv University even before ncsy by the late Dr Abraham Stern which provided people with two weeks one week in Camp Maran in the summer and one week in a hotel in in Long Beach or in Muny to experience Judaism in a in a positive way with young teachers like Rabbi Steven risken Rabbi AI Weiss Rabbi Benjamin ble people who really were at that time just starting out but taught with inspiration we met people from isiv University and Stern college and we saw Judaism in a totally different way uh my family was conservative obser servant we went to synagogue and everything like that uh in fact I was the head of the minion Corps uh because our our Rabbi was a veteran or in the Army so he organized the young boys to make sure they could have minion for shivas so he formed a minion Corps I became the captain at one point so that was my first leadership uh experience my first public speaking experience but then uh what yiv university provided with that program was an opportunity not just to hear and experience things but to meet throughout the year and then then when I turned out going to Yeshiva College there was a program called the James strier school which was headed by the late Rabbi mosha bezden who had the art along with other teachers of taking 19 18y old men some of whom couldn't read Hebrew I could read but Rashi I don't know what that was and teaching them in a way that they didn't feel inferior in a way that they didn't feel not smart but at the same time taught them how to read Tau the breakdowns of the word taught us it and not about it as he used to put it and every time I look at aish now and I think of Rabbi bezin I have a kabura with another jss alumnus and when we come to something and and then we say to each other remember Rabbi bezan 50 years ago remember what he said about this PK and both of us remember and that program was was remarkable and it helped some of us transition into the Rabin program at Yu uh which I which I did I spent four years in the ravinet in Saratoga Springs New York where I learned what winter is really like uh the joke is I thought they said Sarasota when I was uh going for the interview uh and then because of a family situation I came back to New York and while you gave me a position as a junior member of their development team uh in those days they called it like it was fundraising right uh because it's against gravity and uh so that name really is the most meaningful one to me and then they come up with other euphemisms of institutional advancement development it's fundraising um and the advantage of that I spent four wonderful years with mentors like Dr dubrinsky who just retired now who taught me the heart of fundraising others David zeisman the late David zeisman who taught me the how of fundraising and saw all kinds of events and really had a wonderful wonderful experience there went on to become the first national director of development for the Orthodox Union when yaked was founded had some very wonderful experiences there and then was recruited to go to ohel Children's Home and Family Services wow 14 years there very transitional years oh you oh right Richard Joel wanted me to go to Hillel but that uh that didn't rhyme uh but the um but the uh those 14 years were remarkable transitional years at Yeshiva and then speaking of Richard Joel who's one of my shim he said well then now that I'm president this was back in uh you know 1991 he said now that I'm president then you you have to come back you have a fee for me I said not really he said so I went back there for seven years as a very senior member of his development team representing him um the best first name at Yeshiva because I would call some up someone up and say this is Richard and they give me anything I wanted till I found out till I found out which Richard it was um but um really had a lot of experience in in that regard uh and then barem was able to pull back over a decade ago uh spend some time in Bas medish to get my my feet back on the ground at wow and start a Consulting practice which I maintained to this day wow what what what a uh what an amazing background so RAB how did your background affect your career and your life choices well um one of the most important people once I started down the rinck road um I was the youth director in the Queens Jury Center and RAB grimlet of course was the was my mentor in many ways those are in the days before there were assistant rabbis and interns but he really took me in and he he really showed me many things about what was going going on and he was just such a master at being able to communicate with anyone being a real person um I good Merit as growing up in farest Park to to be part of the Queen juw Center in various different ways and to see the rabbi right and some of those young men and women who were part of my group some of them live in West Hemstead some of them visited me in Saratoga and helped me out with laning which was a very valuable thing but he was a very important person in my life and and I learned a great deal from him um so well I saw that how someone can be a leader can have principles ethics at the same time the kindness the empathy the concern the the knowledge the broad knowledge of Torah all these things were combined so that sort of set the bar in terms that if someone wants to go into communal life they should really maintain these different skills so they can be a complete person uh and and fortunate to be married to a wonderful woman who uh supported still supports me in my work and there were many nights you know programs everything I know as you know Rabbi uh the hours are not set this is not a nine-to-five job by far is just you know 955 to 936 correct right and uh used to go to on shabas programs I turned to the President of University and I say when does time and a half start um you know because the weekends were also on so um so i' I've been very fortunate in that and having those people around me and and who really taught me that very important 100% wow what were the greatest lessons that you learn from your mentors okay so as I as I mentioned Dr D brinsky who taught me the heart of fundraising right and that's very important because it's very easy for someone to get lost in their cause and think that they're the only cause think that they're the best cause and it's never that way they are important but to the other person they're only one of the important things that they do and as I coach my clients now and I say it's there money until they decide to give it to you so it's not your money that you're taking from them you have to encourage them to want to give there's a difference in them in taking and and wanting them to give or getting to the point where they want to give so you have to be sensitive to them you look around the room you see what's important to them what's on the wall what's on the desk uh you have a conversation to find out who they are and what means something to them one of my uh mentors Rabbi Stillman you always said what we do is extend the dream we don't change people people have to want to give on a certain level they also have their priorities and very rarely can anyone change a person's priorities what they can do is is fit the priorities appropriately into the work that they do some people like to help young people some people like to old people Health mental health that won't change if that's their priority but you have to try and work that so the idea is that you always have the donor in mind and it's not about you it's about them and also that they want to give once you once you're working with people who are true balet staka and I hope we can talk about some of them in a few minutes once you work with them you find out how they really want to give they don't give easily but they want to give and therefore that's how you approach it and then hopefully you can be successful what what have you learned from some of your donors that you've worked with so some of the stories I'm I'm I was encouraged to tell um and some of them I have to tell without the name because it's very important so course uh but giving can go beyond giving if someone is of a giving nature we were negotiating a major gift for yiv University which would be a weekly program and it was going to be named for a certain family and that program continues to this day and the donor insisted that in the contract that it would be stated that people can make a weekly or a monthly dedication as well so in addition to his contribution that was his way of giving and although he's not alive anymore he's still giving that weight because people are still dedicating it anyone who's doing the DFI knows a few weeks ago less than a few weeks ago the discussions about buyers and sellers and and there is a school of thought that if if things are not specified in a contract one might assume that the buyer wants to sell as little as possible excuse me the seller wants to sell as little as possible and the buyer wants to buy as much as possible my donors were different the donors were different the truly giving people who were writing the check they were interested in giving as much as possible and and therefore it's a whole different understanding when you grow up you think you know how do they get what what happens like that and I always discourage people from using military terms in their fundraising campaigns catch trap Corner those those are that's not what we're doing here that's not the successful way we're meeting someone we're getting to know them and we're encouraging them to do what they want to do already and if you take an adversarial approach to a donor you you may get one gift begrudgingly but you won't get the second one or the third one so my mentors really taught me that you take a long-term approach that you you try to form a relationship with people and barem I have relationships with some of these donors for decades now and because I they feel I help them by their giving oh which sometimes sounds counterintuitive any uh stories that stick out so I'm I'm this is a story The Late Harvey Kayley if people know about camp kayy and still oh has many dedications for for the kayy's he specifically said I can tell his story uh because he wants other people to be learn how how to give and have to receive so The KES excuse me the kayes found out about ohal through a foster parent who in their neighborhood who had uh six foster children and suddenly in schula and shabas they said these can't be your children they're they're all grown up already what happened between week and this week and that's how they learned about ohal eventually they came uh and he asked about an initial gift and we were coming up on Kaneka and there was going to be a Kaneka party he was he was an electric electrical engineer and suddenly a box arrives on my desk and I open it up and there are 12 mechanical clowns in the box clown you put a little switch go and I said okay this is not what I expected uh but we took him we took him to the party we had pictures of them I still have a picture of one of the clowns on my desk as a as a as a reminder and from there it went to dedicating a bus to a for a Hershey Park trip to eventually where his family became the largest owner ever in oills history now it doesn't always work that way but he told me very specifically he never give gave a big gift quickly he wanted to see how the organization took care of his money whether they treated it in a certain way famous stories told how the their families who watch at events and very wealthy families and if they see that the materials after the event are thrown away by staff members they they they recognize that and they wonder about how this organization is managing its money they watch wealthy people are generous but they're careful and wealthy people I thought you going to say stingy but you said care they're not they're not they're careful they want to give but they want to see how it's managed and and he for example met with our our social workers and social workers are not known for their business sense or should they be they are known to take care of people and process and he asked them all kinds of questions but he wanted them to know that if he was giving a lot of money it wasn't just going easily he wanted them to explain to the pro the program to him and eventually he gave very generously he and his wife and family continues to give to this day so that's what they taught it's it's really something where it doesn't have to be again an adversarial relationship they can become friends and partners and that makes it so much easier I never felt that I was snoring that word makes me go oh you know I felt that I was helping the organization and helping them do what they wanted to do it saves a person from Death so in essence when you're going ahead and you're collecting fundraising for a good cause and I have to tell this to myself all the time because you don't want to feel like AAR like you just said Rabbi and and that is that we're giving a we're giving opportunity we're giving Merit to individuals to be partners I think that was the L in the wording that you use to be part of the good work that we're doing and there are people who want to do that you don't have to fool them or trick them or whatever it is they want to do that they're waiting for that so there's always been a discussion about uh two ways of fundraising which is direct and there's also indirect through via event doing a dinner and doing you don't like the word campaign M no okay all right but doing campaign so there's two worlds of of giving there's one word you have to where it's straightforward and sometimes you have to work and do all these types of uh you know auctions and done them all aluu uh done golf tournaments te's everything like that one of my other mentors taught me uh on a professional level if you learn to be a solicitor you'll always always can have a job I think organizations have to look at their portfolios and say okay what's the return you obviously you have to run events to bring in new people but if you're so busy only running events that you don't even know who was at your last event and you don't have time to breathe to look at the list or to visit them because you're running the next event then that may not be in the best interest of the organization and similarly if the staff is getting burnt out because it doesn't take much less effort to raise $100,000 than it does to raise $155,000 an event there's an event there's an objective a lot of so you have to decide it's like a portfolio uh and when you think about it the scariest way to raise money is the direct solicitation but the most effective and cost effective way is even if you were to travel to the West Coast and you were to coach and you were to stay in in a regular hotel and you were to get one successful gift of let's say $50,000 your expense ratio would be much less on that one gift you probably get many gifts because you're great but even if you got one gift I've never done it before just for the rec you would you would cut your expense ratio for that gift would be far less than for an event that's run right so alo alo you have to do both but you you don't want to lose sight of the the ultimate goal because it's easier to get a second gift than a first gift so if someone has already come to your dinner because of a friend or a relative and they had to come and they've learned about you you want to see who they were because they already gave you once and it's easier to get a second gift than to go for someone else and sometimes organizations get lost in business buiness and they miss out on the people who are there already right because of the technicalities now a lot of people are listening to this and they're thinking to themselves okay that's good nice and Danny discussion for organizations and you know okay this is a great Torah talk for kazak they're always looking to do more and they need the funds but how does this talk to the average person so I I think that that people will find that if they choose a cause that's meaningful for them they will have such Nas for themselves and their family one of the best best ways to teach your children about what's important is to show them what you're doing uh and to do it as Hands-On as possible even in this day of electronics to maybe it is you know to sit with them as you go on your computer and make the dinner gift ask them to help you write the journal ad let them learn what you're doing let them read the stories of these Heroes who see what they're doing let them meet some of the kids who've come out of public school into the schools we encourage uh people all the time and I'm saying this over here uh on camera to visit the headquarters to see the operations to see the m to come to the after school program 7 school program scram the youth center the pantry the B when you can't compare hearing to seeing and there's such joy in that there is it really it really the Sim that you can experience by watching someone change their lives in terms of the generations that are being created there's nothing that matches that and by the way uh for those who are thinking about increasing their observance Sedaka is one of the ways to to get closer 100% because there are people who are blessed to be able to help and if you get to know an organization that will help your own understanding of the religion and why it's important we have survived because of our giving nature because we share because we we don't sit alone we always learn with a partner we always doen in a Min we try not to be alone and coming out of Co still we have those memories of being alone and whereas at first it seemed maybe nice but now it it there's something missing with that the idea of being Community That's so exciting the value of giving 100% rabie beer rabie Richard berer uh there's a beautiful uh story I gave over once I heard about uh 12 people sitting around the table at a wedding and the waiter comes he has a big platter of steaks and lamps and and all these Fine Meats and he puts it in front of you or in front of a person one of the person one of the people and he start taking his knife and fork and he's cutting it up and the people R they be like what are you doing that's not just for you it's for everyone in the table he's like no but the way they put in front of me is so belongs to me like no of course such a person is we would consider as foolish it's meant for everyone on the table same thing with an individual that has been blessed uh with parasa with livelihood with wealth you know he has it it doesn't mean it's just for him to hold on to it but it's for him to share as well uh that's where we have concepts of me and S and even if you don't have a lot in your mind if you're sitting with your your son or your daughter and you give them the dollar to put in the pushka if you're walking down the street and youve decided on your own that you want to help the person who's standing in front of a store to give them money let your child be a partner in that yes let them understand what it means because the ramban talks very clearly about it's not just what you give it's how you give it's how you make the other person feel whether you look them in the eye whether you offer them a bottle of water if they come to your house that's the that you can do through this and it's so Val valuable and children remember these things I I wish I was surprised we were sitting recently and and our our daughter who's now in her 40s was talking to our granddaughter about tisho when she was growing up and she remembers and I'm not saying was anything great because I didn't remember that on Tia when we didn't have a lot to do we would take out the envelopes because that's what we used to do there were only envelopes and mailing checks in the mail and we would go through the envelopes and we would talk about what these different charities were this is before I was in the in the in this profession was in the rabet and we and we talk about should we give to children should we give to hospital should we give to Israel should we give here there was no wrong answer but they felt they were doing it wow and so even if someone's giving $10 or $18 whatever it is the power because maybe your child will become that Bal Stucker the Next Generation and if you teach them now how to give a little bit then they will give a lot later so it's powerful stuff amazing 100% very very inspiring and very very very true like the rambam says if you have 10 to give as opposed to just giving you once right give it to 10 why because you're working on the concept of giving giving giving giving the more you give the more you're going to get the pum Nan to give backwards and forwards it's spell the same way the more you give the more you get and my electronic D yomi rebi Rabbi Rosner who's in B shees he whenever it comes up about Myer about giving 10% he says remember how it used to be done with the animals you used to have let's say 10 animals you were allowed you said one for me two for Me 3 four 5 6 7 8 nine for me and one fores one for God because AES the system knew that if it had to be that first dollar that would be hard to give but if you say you know what nine God blessed me with 10 animals and God is letting me keep nine of them I have my house I have my car I have my vacation I have all this I can give to somebody else and this is one thing where we could test God in a sense with through to and you become wealthy it's an amazing thing so that's that's something we should all be doing RAB love every moment we have a we have a for a final message on kak Torah talks so I I was listening to a share by RAB mosha Weinberger of kodesh very inspirational person and he was talking about candles and minoras at that time but there were candles minoras lit every day in the b mikdash in the temple in Jerusalem and we have a lot of lights in our house obviously every Shabbat we hope we like candles around theim there are more candles if you have a three-day holiday there are more candles Yar there'll be candles in some communities there'll be candles for Yar there Kaneka constantly lights and and the one who had the responsibility of lighting the manur in the BET mikdash was Aon was Aon so the question is asked by the by the medish said why does God need light God can make light God did make light that's how the Torah starts you know so you can say God why do you need me to light these candles for you why am I doing this why am I lighting any candle in my house Andes is said to have said in the medish that no no no you're not lighting it for me you're lighting it for you I want you to know how wonderful it is to light up a room I want you to know how important light is in this world I know how important God knows how important light is I want you to know how important light is in this world so whatever active person could do of whether visiting someone in the hospital whe whether being going to a wedding whatever it is going to Brit whatever they do and obviously to givea whatever they're doing they're lighting up the world they're lighting and that's so important for us and people I hope will find whatever way they can to add some light to the world beautiful 100% the value of giving let's all take the message to heart not let it go in one year the other year but be givers the more you give them more you're going to get want to thank the rabbi for all that you do and continue doing for for the Jewish people we want to thank all the various different platforms that H kazak Tor talks the feedback has been amazing and we appreciate all the feedback please continue sending it over info.org info chq.org talking about giving we have friends at Daily giving.org day goes a very very very far away we encourage everyone to be part of itomi every single day it's automatic and you fulfill the to time for hosting thank you very muchar behind the camera Andre kak team continuously working non-stop to get kids from public schools toot or after school programs Sunday school programs te programs amazing uh Youth Center that we have it's it's a game changer we want to do more we can't do more without people getting involved former public school kid that's right look at RAB beer andak has the Merit to to save many Souls but we want to do more there's a lot more to do so please get involved uh k.org chq.org donate we have to we have to plug that as much as possible everyone to get involved we really appreciate it and we should only Redemption SP our days amen by [Music]