When Hashem Gives You the Hardest Choice | Rabbi Dovid Goldwasser | Tisha B'Av

On a day that is so difficult and so challenged for all of us to be happy to find Simcha, the fact that Chazak should gather everybody together 24 hours around the clock and Torah anytime, that magnanimous organization should broadcast around the world to unite Klal Yisrael anytime when there is unification, when we gather together there is an achdut, it is the single greatest Simcha in Klal Yisrael. Tzaras Rabbim Chatzi Nechama. The fact that we're all sitting together is already half of comfort. It's already a chizuk to all of us to be able to sit together and to talk about Tisha B'Av, to talk about Binyan Beis Hamikdash, that the Temple should be rebuilt. There isn't a greater Simcha than all of us being together. There is a just a fascinating idea concerning Tisha B'Av. Anytime when a person will exert themselves, whatever it is, in whichever area it is, when a person will go the extra mile, they'll be moser nefesh. Hashem says, "You are moser nefesh, I will make sure that I'm able to go beyond beyond what Klal Yisrael was supposed to have for a bracha." We see this in many different ways, but I would like to bring it out from an incident that we are all familiar with. Hashem says for anybody that can watch themselves. Ma'avir al midotav. We are careful. My friend didn't treat me right. But I'm not going to say anything. I'm going to be quiet. I got something with a shidduch and then all of a sudden it went sour and I'm very upset about it. But I didn't say anything. I let it go by. I came into the shul. Somebody is sitting in my seat that I gave money for. I get upset. I need my seat. That's where I pray. That's where I want I don't say anything. I say it's okay. An individual that was hurt by somebody, insulted ma'avir al midotav. You insult me. I'm not going to do anything back. I'm not going to seek to get back to you in any way. Exactly the opposite. I will be meshalem tovah tachas ra'ah. You did something bad to me. I'll do something good for you. Torah anytime it reaches around the world a million times. We do not even realize the high-tech. We don't realize on a level of Kabbalah what Torah anytime is doing at this moment around the world everywhere. Happens to be we have the great zechut. Reb Shimon is here. Reb Yirmiyahu is here. I must tell this over of someone that went the extra mile of exerted themselves that I only know through Torah anytime. Robbie all the years does the Pirkei Avot every Motzei Shabbat every Saturday night. Robbie pushed me from the very beginning the Pirkei Avot. So I do the Pirkei Avot every Motzei Shabbat never ever ever misses. He is like a slave driver. A good one. And I got to listen if he if I didn't send it over in time, he'll be very gentle. Rabbi, you know, uh I'm not sure that you sent it. I don't know if it's there yet. I don't know if I got it. I got to put it up. What shall I tell you? He is the single reason why there is a lot a lot of Torah. Because he doesn't stop night and day to make sure him. And so it happened to be this spring that the sheer in Pirkei Avot happened to be talking about Ma'avir al Midotav. Somebody does something to you and you let it go. You don't you don't worry about it. You let it go. Someone was not nice to you and you let it you let it go. And it happens on so many different areas. Someone was supposed to give you something and when you got it it wasn't the right thing. And you feel that perhaps even they weren't honest with you. And it was very difficult to take and you wanted to speak out and you wanted to let others know. You wanted to say something. I just want to talk about it, but I know it's a sore, lashon hara. I got to get it out. I have to try to make it even, but you don't. Because we know that you shouldn't. The person that does this and is quiet has the zchut like Yitzchak Avinu on top of the altar, on the mizbeach, at the time of Akedat Yitzchak. And so we had that shiur and it was on in the springtime. And usually the shiur goes around and people listen and occasionally if I see somebody at a simcha or a chazak event or another place they'll come over and they say I heard the shiur or if a person has a question about the shiur. Rebbe, you said that if you do this mitzvah that it is one of the greatest mitzvot that it can even be if there's anger in the air, it can dissipate the anger of Hashem. Matan b'seser yichpeh af. The person that gives his tzedakah and nobody knows about it. It's quiet. No name. Nobody will ever find out and you gave the tzedakah yichpeh af. Even chashash shalom we deserve that Hashem should be angry it cancels it out. Person came over to me and says how much do you have to give? Which way is it give? How does it operate because I feel that there's af in the world right now and I would like to get rid of it. Happened to be that this person didn't see me. They couldn't see me because they live in South Africa. I'm not going to run into them in a simcha. I mean, I hope I will. I'm not going to see them and it's Khazak in South Africa. Probably. It'll be there. Can't find them. However, Torah anytime is in South Africa. So, I get a call from South Africa. It happens to be that it is a young man. The young man said, "Rebbi, I'm a little upset." I said, "Why?" He says, "Because I just watched that shear in which you're talking about my realm of Torah that you don't care and you let it go and you mocho the person, you forgive them and you're not upset. And I just heard it and I cannot do it. I cannot do it. I cannot listen. It's too difficult for me. I don't have to do it, do I?" I said, "What's the problem?" He said, "I want you to know I was going out. I'm not that young. Going out with a young woman. Everything looked very good. It looked so good that we're going to get engaged and get married. For the first time in my life, I was happy. People ask me why I'm smiling. The first time in life I came in the Beit Midrash and I shook everybody's hands good Shabbos instead of running out. The first time in my life when I got up in the morning, I said, "Simcha." I said, "Modeh Ani." I was so happy. First time in my life, my life began to change, to turn around. I took care of myself. Instead I walk in like this with a coat. I came in and I started to take a little bit better care. Instead, when I used to have my pants and they used to be like rolled up, I made sure that I went well. After all, I'm going to be a chatan. I'm going to be a groom. My whole life changed. I was getting ready to go to the vort, the l'chaim, to celebrate engagement. Is a simcha. The who k'chatan yotzei m'chupato yotzei k'gibor larutz orach. Nothing happier. Nothing happier than a chatan and a kallah. There's no simcha that is as great. There is no simcha that I have to go and I have to be m'sameach and I have to dance and sing in front of them. And when they're coming down the street, the aisle, that white sheet, I could be gadol hador. I stand up for them. I stand up for the melech, for the king and the malka. I could be the greatest rabbi. The kallah is under the the chair. The kallah is there by the badeken. I hand to her a little petek, a kvittel. Could you please pray for me? I could be the greatest rabbi. I give to the chatan. Can you please take this this page? Have me in mind. I need your t'filos. We should know how many people were answered from a chatan and a kallah. How many people got brochos from a chatan and a kallah that came true. They finish under the chuppah, they finish the coast, the wine. I run up. I want to have just the remnant of the mitzvah, shiyarei mitzvah. I just want to take it. I want this zechut because they got married with that cup of wine. And so this young man who listened to the shiur on Torah Anytime said he was preparing to go to his vort, to his l'chaim. He gets a message on the telephone call to call the shadchan on his phone. He calls the shadchan. The shadchan said, "I would like to come over to talk with you." Why? I would rather tell you in person. Okay. He comes, the shadchan. They sit down in the living room. And the shadchan says to this great great young man Michael. Michael, I don't know how to tell this. I asked for the last hour that Hashem should put the words in my mouth that I should be able to say it correctly to you. Yocala just canceled the shidduch. She wants to completely be mevatel the shidduch. I tried with everything that I have in order to get it back on. She will not listen. I cannot get anybody to listen. They've canceled everything for tonight. Michael hears this from up here he goes down there. From being on top of the world from having the happiness that he looked for a whole life in one moment khoshekh darkness and he's down underground. He says to me you know I as bad as things were I never thought to be me abad atzmo la daat I never thought khas v'shalom to do anything to myself. But that night that night Satan came to me and wanted to give me a knife. And I'm standing listening in New York. I couldn't sit down. Standing I was too nervous listening to this young man from South Africa. And he said it took me everything that I could not to do anything to myself. I'm so angry. I was in the middle of writing a very very bitter letter to my former kallah and to her parents. And I was going to publish it in the community. Because I'm finished anyhow. So, it don't matter what happens to me. I really don't care. I wrote out the letter. And then while I'm writing it because I'm not so great and I don't have such great abilities in writing. I got the notice. Torah anytime. There's a shear. I tell you the truth, I was going crazy. I didn't put the shear on so much that want to learn Talmud Torah against the world. I put the shear on. Maybe a little sanity. Maybe it'll just hold me. Maybe I won't slip. And you came on. And you start talking about measure for measure. You start talking about letting it go. You start talking about all different cases where a person should let the individual be forgiving. Forgive them. Go past it. Swallow it. Take some steps back. Don't hold a grudge. Don't look for revenge. Don't look for revenge. Don't try and stand up against the other person. Walk away from it. Be forgiving. Say I'm sorry. Say I forgive them. Rabbi I'm calling you right now. I put the the deposit on the shear. Certainly this is not the law in my situation. Certainly it doesn't apply here. Certainly I don't have to be mochel anybody. I am allowed to send this letter as difficult and as hard as it is and it'll blow up and people will see it and it will get around and everybody will know the avla that was committed against me. Everyone will know what happened and how people didn't treat me right. That's what I should do, isn't it? I said, "Michael, I feel terrible for you. I only wish that I could be in Johannesburg together with you. I only wish I could sit down with you and talk with you and learn together with you and be mesameach you." The din is the same exactly like you're hearing on it. Ain't mikra ba'almah, there ain't no coincidence in this world. If you're watching something and it's on there this evening, it's a message for you. Borei Olam put the machshava in my mind that I should talk about that particular inyan only because it was going to be played on Torah anytime and eventually seen by the one person in the world that maybe had to see it in South Africa in Johannesburg. I said to him, "It's for you. It's for you. It's a bitter pill to swallow. It's not easy. Not easy to be mochel. Not easy to walk away. Not easy somebody hurt you and you just say, 'It's okay.' and leave." I said, "But if you can do it, if you can take the letter that you wrote, you can rip it up into 100 pieces. You can take the letter by biur chametz and burn it together with all the other chametz. If you can do it, I tell you right now, I am jealous of your zechut. I am jealous of what will be for you in your life. You'll have so many brachot. You have no idea what's coming into your life. And so, we talked for quite a while. And he wanted to try to listen. He says it's difficult. He says, "Rebbi, how about if I just save the letter, but I don't rip it up?" No. As lazos lashem meferu torotecha, now is the time you take the letter and you rip it up. You rip it up. Just ripping the letter itself, I promise you, for every little piece that you rip, another bracha. You rip it into 100 pieces, mea brachot, 100. If you can rip it into a thousand, I promise you a thousand brachot. So, we talked a little bit longer. He broke down and cried on the telephone, and he said, "I will do it. I will do it. If that's your message, I will do it." I felt terrible. chatan On the day he's supposed to be engaged, and the exact opposite happens, and he gets the biggest klop in his life. I felt very bad. Let me tell you what happened. He had a few difficult weeks. He had a few very very difficult weeks where it was hard for him. He called me one time that he was walking down one of the main streets. By accident the former kallah was walking exactly this way and he saw her. He didn't say one word. A sayg'vurah what might not to say a word. What do we learn? In the Slichot when it comes to the Slichot we say about the great Avraham Avinu. Mi she'ana Avraham Avinu b'har ha'Moriah, Hashem who listen to the t'filah of Avraham Avinu on Har ha'Moriah, hu ya'anenu. He should answer us. The t'filah of Avraham Avinu b'har ha'Moriah b'akedat Yitzchak, by the sacrificing of Yitzchak. Ask the great tzaddik Rav Yitzchak Tuvia Weiss who was the Gaon of Beis Din of Yerushalayim. Where do we find anywhere that Avraham Avinu prayed on Har ha'Moriah? We learn all of it. We learn that Yitzchak asked, "Ayah ha'se lo lah?" Where is the the sheep that we're going to slaughter? Uh, hinay hu eish a team. We know the discussions back and forth. We know Avraham Avinu said, "Stay over here to the two young people. Stay there by me and we're going to go to the mountain. We're going to do the sacrifice." All of that we know. All the discussions of Avraham Avinu. Avraham Avinu they called out to him. What did the the malach say? Avraham Avinu at slow me don't do anything to him. Avraham Avinu even when Hashem called out and said don't do don't do the akedah. Don't do the the sacrifice. Avraham Avinu was still going to do it. Hashem called out. The malach called out. Al tas lo me uma. Don't do anything. But, everybody where do we find that Avraham Avinu said a tefillah? Where do we find that? What prayer did he say? None. If you take a look in the entire parsha of akedah, you will not find it at all. However, says the great Rav Weiss the following. Vayikra Avraham shem hamakom hahu Hashem yireh. Hashem yireh. Avraham Avinu named that place after this great incident Hashem yireh. Avraham was mitpallel. Avraham prayed. Ask rachamim from Hashem that when one of the children of Yitzchak would go to a time which is a time when they're oppressed, a time when it's extremely extremely challenging, a time of great nisayon, a time when they can't take it anymore. And in that moment, Yis Korei Lo HaShem HaKadosh Baruchu, they will remember HaShem at that moment and they will stand strong. They will stand strong at that moment and they will not do what would have been the wrong thing to give in. They would have been set, yelled back at the person, they would have taken revenge, they would have done something and they wouldn't stand strong. So then, HaKadosh Baruchu will remember this for dorot, for generations. That was the tfila of Avraham Avinu. Anybody that will act like Avraham Avinu, it may be very difficult to stay away from an aveira is not simple. Anybody that says, "I don't have any challenges, I can stay away from aveirot, easy for me, not a problem." You know that person is not telling the truth. Yetzer Hara comes in many different forms, many different ways. The person that is sat upon by Yetzer Hara and the individual said, "I'm not doing it. I don't care. I don't care what it is. I will leave. I will run out in the middle. I don't care who's pressuring me. I don't care the money. I don't care what it is on the other side of the aveira, of what is wrong to do. I'm not doing it. I'm here." Says Rav Weiss, that person will be zoche to the tfila of Avraham Avinu that anybody that stands back, anybody that can be omed the Messiah and they can stand to the challenge the his mode in my Messiah and that person has the Barack of Abraham Avinu. That's what it says Misha and I. Who answered Abraham Avinu at that time means for every generation you and I. Tough Shin pay hey. You and I Messiah. Every day practically and he say on. When we are strong when we are all made the Messiah and I shall say I give to you the Barack. As if you would have been up there on the mountain together. With Abraham Avinu and it's hot. I say that. To everybody here. I cannot tell you. The feelings that I had speaking to this young man in South Africa. I was mid parallel for him every day but it didn't matter. He had already the Villa Abraham Avinu. It so happens. Someone had heard. Somebody heard. About what went on. With the town in the color. And that he did not say a word. He didn't make a call. He didn't write a letter. He didn't spread any lotion Hara. The father said. I have a daughter. I want for my daughter about me doubt. I don't need somebody that doesn't have me doubt. I need someone that will treat people nicely. I need someone that will treat her like a princess. The father heard about this young man in Johannesburg. Called up. Found out who the former shatzkan was. Called that shatzkan and said, I would like to know if you would think about making a shidduch with that guy that they dropped. Shatzkan made the the shidduch. Bishatohva umutzlachat. They're going to get married. Imagine. He wouldn't have stood up to the nisayon. Imagine he would have written that letter and sent it. Imagine he would have went to the beit midrash and start talking to people. Imagine he would have said something about the family. Imagine. He would never have been zocheh to the tefillah of Avraham Avinu. That special tefillah is open to all of us. Especially on Tisha B'Av when we have to clear up all the bein adam l'chavero, all the way that we treat each other. That's what's left. That's yet what we got to clear up in the world. I guarantee you kashrut, there's no better kashrut. I guarantee you Shabbat in the community, there's not a question. Everybody does exact dikduk kadin on Shabbat. All of the mitzvot, I don't doubt anybody here, anyone. This is it's holy territory. It is, it's halachic. I don't ever have to worry about it. Not whatsoever. But there is one little place we still have to worry. How we treat our friend. What we say to our friend. The smile that we give our friend. The ability that we have to give a nice word. Not to say something sharp. Not to say a word that may be upsetting. That is our tikkun. Kinnah, we said Kinnah the whole morning. Kinnah are the same otios, same letters as tikkun. We are here on Tisha B'Av to be metaken, to fix. I would like to say that Torah anytime I see they left a book a chavruta for me. They they left a book, the daily dose, and the daily dose is so beautiful. Probably half of it or three quarters talks about how we treat each other. How we treat each other. Everyone here you are the best. You are an am kadosh. Each one of you you come on a Tisha B'Av when some people could just say, "You know what? If I go to sleep, I could wake up by 9:00. I'll be done. I won't even realize I'm fasting anymore." Easy street. No, no. Not the people that come to chazak. They say, "I want to learn." Ki hem hayenu ve'orech yamenu. This is our days. Everybody you came you deserve 10 times the reward of coming on a day to a regular shiur Torah. Everybody, big brachot, big hatzlacha, big a lot of and color. A lot of money for everybody here. In the good way. All the children all the young people should go with their a Torah children Bonnie move neighbor name all the couples have children big Shalom buy it everybody should get along big Shalom in the community. Big anybody that needs anything in the in the area of healing should have a big everybody we should all be so to be in beta in the area of healing should