Rabbi Yaakov Mizrahi | The Jewish Matchmaking Tradition | CHAZAQ Connections

[Music] good evening welcome everyone to this very special event everyone could please find their seats there plenty of seats over here and in the front over here for the men everyone could please find their seats if you have any food please take it to your seats want to welcome everyone to this very special event we have the great honor to hear from RAB yob mrai from all the way came all the way from Brooklyn we're going to hear from him momentarily want to thank the best of real Community Center for hosting tonight's event deserve a round of applause for hosting tonight's event as as we know the kazak organization has so many different divisions and and programs for the community so many different amazing Shum and events that Inspire so many people with uh kazak's main focus is on public school Outreach programs with over 20 different after school program locations to inspire the um our our fellow brothers and sisters who are who are in public school hundreds of students every single year and we have a special division called Public School Yeshiva which has transferred over 1500 children from public school yiva since 2017 and one of our newest divisions is this division which we're here tonight for is the kazak connections division which is dedicated in memory of IM [Music] Shalom and we want to thank all the amazing sh um and um we want to give them a round of Applause for dedicating their their time for for all their help and um we want to of course after the lecture there's going to be amazing food in the back and of course please speak to each of the introduce yourself to the amazing sh who have who have given her their time to to help each and every one of us and um it is our it is our great great honor to call upon the director of Haka B please D first some open remarks [Music] okay ladies and gentlemen it's a tremendous honor for me to be here tonight I did not come here to lecture to give you guys any my good friend m is very inspirational he'll take care of that department I just came here right now to basically share some gratitude to certain people and also to share our vision for the future so first things first you know most of you know kak for all the that we do throughout the community you know that we have a Col here in New York and is but obviously our main mission is the public school kids we have programs for children in public school teenagers in public school we have a placement Division and one thing that we tried doing over the years but never really pushed for was this division that we were talking about here tonight connections anyways is uh is something that so many good guys and girls are looking for their other half and they're having some obstacles life has obstacles and has commands us to do to put our effort so with this division that was started M at the end of the 20 2023 uh year I believe we're around December time our goal is to help people find their other half in about six seven years we're able to make 1600 between public school kids in600 kids transfer from public school to our goal is to get, 1600 guys and girls to get married as well but many more we're not going to stop there amen so this division like I said started it was dedicated a young lady that passed away a number of years ago her family wants to do good things and hopefully the the everything that goes on will be for her I want to take this opportunity to think you know to put together such an event you got to have a lot of uh bulldozers to get involved as they say you know one of the toughest I think jobs in the world you know people think Rabbi just put up his that event and go to BR we have a tough job as well we deal a lot of difficult situations but believe it or not people in the sh industry it's actually maybe just as tough if not even tougher because you know how it is when someone does a good no one really hears about it if something goes wrong they're Public Enemy Number One and it's not easy it's a lot of uh uh internal uh frustration that go on in the world so be we have a number of ladies that work within kak and then we have a number of ladies that work with the community in general that are really teaming up together to work on your behalf to become your your Messengers to help you find I just want to quickly run through the names in no particular order but the three ladies are with our kak division are MRSA bar we could give her a nice round of applause over here Mrs Angela mov and Mrs ber thank you very much bless all of you and the other ladies that are running around here in the community doing so much work we have uh I like to call her the reiton the president Mr sah standing over here that's doing a lot for Mrs Ricky thank you very much my cousin kov God bless you and your family Mrs R thank you very much Mrs D David as well and last but not least Mrs everyone should be blessed and everything that you do did I miss anyone I hope not I miss someone no anyone else that's helping out MET if I miss you was not intentional godom so everyone tonight after the we encourage you to speak to the to the you see some someone that might be a good match talk to them about it and they will reach out to you and we hope to eventually do events once we get a large data base we'll make targeted events for men and women of certain age brackets that's going to be a VIP event we're also going to have separate events of men and women just to give you guys tips on dating as well uh so we're trying to build a real mat you have to be patient when it comes to these things and hopefully we're going to all be celebrating a lot of weddings in the upcoming year without further Ado I like to call upon a good friend of mine RAB yobi is a young Rabbi I got to speak to him once or twice when he was a Rab in Israel uh he was sent back here to New York with his family does a lot of teaching Tora in Brooklyn but really all over New York and agreed to come speak here today so please give a round of applause to [Applause] [Music] RAB [Applause] good evening everybody to be here thank you Rabbi for The Humbling words tremendous his brother rabie the entire kak team what you do for and specifically the buari and Jews over here in Queens which is a tremendous amount underrated really what you do is phenomenal the PST one of my favorite programs that you have and now the program that you have which was made shom you should have tremendous continu you and your brother the entire team really it's a to come out the Queens also round trip and there's got to be a quick way to get here but really it's a pleasure to come here and you should have continue and of course to and for everything that they do [Music] spreading am I'll tell you the truth I'm telling you now honestly I have no clue what I'm doing here tonight I'm not a and I love I'm not exactly sure um what you think I'm talking about at least do you know what I'm talking about do I know what I'm talking about but one thing is for sure so long my wife doesn't come into this class we're in good company if she walks in then she came in for the ride she had to make a phone call I think in the car maybe she's taking care of the kids on the phone so so long she's not here then I think we're all right once she comes in and she finds out that this is a speaking of you I forget it it's going to be early P but in the meantime everybody it's great to see you and and the building of the okay I think my wife is [Applause] here so let's talk about the maybe okay so speaking about the what you're doing here today is one of the greatest things that you will ever do in your life building a home just to put the groundwork just to make it clear to everybody in case anyone's wondering ing building a b getting married the importance maybe explain Rabbi it is equal to building the bet mikdash so coming to an event and learning about the importance of getting married is no less than learning about the importance of the and I'll prove it to youu on his way out he's already 63 3 years old he got the from his father and he's going out of and then he has a dream he sees unbelievable what a dream and our rabbis tell us that that dream happened in the of the and he had a a prophecy of the that is the beginning of what is the next thing that does he goes and he gets married and he's going he meets ra gets married to gets married to ra unbelievable you were of the holiest men That Ever Walked on the face of the Earth what are you doing going to get married something that looks so mundane it's so Earthly you're one of the holiest men on Earth you just saw a prophecy of and the next part of the he's going to get married he's having children and what are you doing that's exactly what he's doing he saw a dream of the he's going to build the here we are around 24 hours after finishing we speak about the Mish talk about building a mish getting married is building a bet mikash no less than building a bikash one of the greatest things you will ever do in your life is get married have no about it and you can just imagine why maybe there's a someone might have n RAB you might start being picky and hesitant who to get married to and he might not know the importance of getting married realize that getting married is one of the greatest things you will ever do in your life and the that you get when you get married you can't even imagine how great your life is once you get married tells us whoever doesn't have a wife sh he is left without T he's left without he doesn't have his life is completely different so building a b is by far and by large one of the greatest things that anyone can do in their life I'll prove to you from another way how great it is to build a body to build a home and to get married how great it is we know that crying is not something that our rabbis do for nothing G when he was a little boy he was once lost in the forest and he started crying and as a little boy he stopped himself and he said why am I crying cuz I'm lost they'll find me if I'm already crying let me cry for something significant and he starts crying for theik for the mikdash unbelievable he turns those tears from tears of crying over not being found and he starts crying for the bet mikdash something amazing is if you look in we see numerous times that orad are crying and if the Tor is telling us that great people are crying we should stop and think why are they crying they're not crying because they didn't win the the Mega Million they're not crying because they lost a few dollars whenever sadim are crying they're crying for something big so let's look through say and see which sikim are crying and let's see why they're crying well we know that abrahamu cried we know that cried we know that Y and bamin cried we know that cried why did Y and bamin cry well Y and bamin they cried on each other's shoulders and Rashi tells us for theik which was in the and the the destruction of the Mish which was in the of are crying but again for something real they're crying for the for the destruction of the temple this this they're crying over thean of the Mish the lack of the Mish that is something real I understand why you're s crying but why is crying why isov crying why is Abraham crying Abraham cries you know when he cries whenu his wife passes away yov cries when he sees andash gives to the second P when he finds out that he's not going to be buried next to ra cries because he doesn't want to marry are crying when it comes to marriage the lack of a spouse that is something that is equal to the destruction of the BET mikash rightfully so abrahamu cries when he loses his wife that's like losing the the temple cries she doesn't want to marry yov cries because building a home with a spouse is equal to building the BET mikdash and with that we could explain maybe why the is that when we build our homes we have to leave a a remembrance for the we have to leave a space in our home empty meaning don't fill it completely leave it a little bare don't paint it all the way you have to leave it with the sheetrock whatever it is because you want to remember the destruction of the temple you can't complete your home when we don't have the BET mikash and where we put this right when we walk into our homes opposite the door right when you walk in boom you have to leave 48 CM by 48 CM leave the sheetrock do not finish that spot you walk into your home and you remember wow no mikash and my question is why right there do you have to leave it exactly over there right when you woke in why do you have to leave that spot right opposite when you walk into your home and you see that spot the spot's right there I think the reason is because sometimes the husband comes home or the wife might come home and and they have a lot on their plate they have a lot on their shoulders they have some burden and they might just start venting to the spouse and they might start blaming the spouse and they might cause friction when you walk into your home the rabbis tell us don't forget you don't have a bet mikdash we already lost the temple don't destroy another one don't destroy your home don't destroy your holy bet mikdash that you have there's already one mikash your home is a bet mikdash don't destroy that realize what you're doing don't just come home and start throwing everything on the wife or on the husband and saying start picking on the small things your home is a very holy Place Your Home is aash you're about to do one of the greatest things in your lives you about to get married with the right realize that you're doing something unbelievable don't let the stop you fight pray to and realize that your lives are unbelievably greater different for the better the change for the unbelievable greater is phenomenal when one is to find their spouse so what we're going to speak about today is what exactly should a girl be looking for when she wants to get married and then we're going to be speaking about what should a boy be looking for when he wants to get married there's a great Rabbi in Rabbi I'm going back maybe 15 years ago and I was praying in and the rabbi was there also and he went into's office to go speak to the rabbi after the ti not everybody goes in right after the he went in he was speaking to the rabbi great I was in the B KET when he came out he came over to me and he saidov I just went into the rabbi for my daughters hopefully they're going to get married soon I'm looking for a I wanted a from the rabbi and the rabbi told me you know what you should look for when you're looking for aan for a boy for your daughters I'm like wow okay let me know what is it tell me what is it imagine that whose time is priceless who values Tora on a different level completely you would think okay you're looking for a boy to get married he's got a all of which is phenomenal of course the number one criteria told the rabbi first thing midot character traits first thing you're looking for is mid character traits because a home a house is built on Tor and on and the boy has to be on his level looking to grow in Tora looking to grow in his mid number one is M something amazing we see in our Tor is that three times the Tor tells us about that were made imagine that the Tor is telling us about that were made it's not just okay got married the Tora tells us how get married it's not got married the Tora tells us how he got married Moshe got married the Tora doesn't tell us he just got married the Tora tells us how he got married three the and the Tora tells us how they were made and all three were made next to a well how amazing is that says three and they are all made next to a well he goes to find a girl a and he sees by a well he sees by a well Moshe he sees the daughters ofro by a well what do I care where they saw each other it seems so insignificant the Torah is telling me where they met does it make it difference if the first date was in a hotel lobby or is by a well at the end of the day they got married who cares where they met if the t is telling us that means it's very important and the t is hinting to us a marriage is built around a well a well is where there's water when you're coming to build a home it has to be built with Torah you have to have a rabbi you have to be grounded in the T it's not just you and your wife is in the marriage a home where the is going to rest and another thing that we see is that not only in all three places the happened by a well but what we see is that there was a tremendous Act of he sees and RKA comes and she starts giving him to drink giving 10 camels to drink wow look at that because when he coming to build a home there has to be T there has to be ra he helps her the daughters of a home is built on on Tora and on and what a girl should be looking for what a girl should be looking for when they going to get married is that there's midot there's a growth of Torah it doesn't mean that the has to be the next it doesn't mean that he has to learn 20 hours a day 19 is also good but even if he's learning an hour a day on his level but he's growing there's a growth orientation of there he's growth oriented he's growth oriented he wants to grow wonderful that's a great sign they're looking for Tora they're looking for because a home is not built just with the husband and the wife it's built around the there's got to be to the home is a place where the sh rests something amazing we see and mad there's aad which by the way less than a week away from puim and I'm sure we all know that when we read M men and ladies we have to read the Mig night and the day we have to hear every single word every single word in Mig did is crucial we can't miss one p we can't miss one word every p is important needless to say there's one that seems a little I don't want to say unnecessary but it seems a little unnecessary maybe it says that after EST was taken into the king's Palace every day was going in front of the palace to know what's going to be with he brings down the and he says if you really want to know what was the trigger of the miracle of if you really investigate you want to know what was the cause of the miracle it's the did with she doesn't have a mother she doesn't have a father he's such a great Rabbi his time is priceless he's going and he's finding out how is she doing every single day that is a great husband he was married to a that is a great husband every single day finding out how is the wife doing how is the wife doing how is she feeling today how is she feeling today the husband has to be full of thinking about the spouse thinking about his wife think about the children that he andad became the to destroy unbelievable a husband and a wife they care for each other he's the for his wife he's caring to become the to destroy and to get the built for because when you're someone that gives and you someone that's full of and you care about your spouse you care about your wife that is of the greatest things that you could ever do in your entire life because you are building your home you're building the BET mikdash nothing less than the bet mikdash that is what and are doing that is a home there's a place where there's Tora there's a place where there's growth and there's a place where there's where there respectful to each other and they care about each other that is something unbelievable that is a home the Tor is telling us about three that were made and Mos all by a well and a lot of was there because that is how you build a home something amazing we see by the night of the and boys remember this good going to be to marry your and you're going to put the ring on her finger and the is that the ring goes on this finger of the kala kot could get very confused I was once under a where they tell the kala okay she had to stick out her ring finger so naturally she stuck out this finger the ring finger they say no the other one she puts this one out no the the other finger till she got the right finger Hita she had no clue she's trying to figure out which finger theot the they stick at the right point the finger why because in case she's ever going to think and blame the husband ah it's all your fault you remember wa but she agreed to take the finger that was one answer someone said I don't go for that of course but there's a different reason why this finger just do it the favor take the ring off the finger and put on the right finger anyways she didn't size this finger she sized this finger that's the ring finger why is it that when and he says the nine words and he's going to make why is it that he puts it on this finger of the I saw a beautiful answer as well in the and he brings down there are six phrases back to back in that have five words each phrase has five words six phrases back to back all have five words the second word of all those phrases is hashem's name those that didn't say we start tonight we could saw tonight we say it in the the second word of all those phrases is hashem's name six phrases five words each and the second word is always aem's name we're reminding the the finger that corresponds to hashem's name in those he's putting the ring on this finger he's reminding himself he's reminding the Kal they not by themselves in the home is coming to their house when they build the house the right way a home is a place where there's Tor a home is a place where this and what they're looking for in the looking for someone that has on their level of course but not forgetting that the great sad she made who he was it's easy just to take a report card and after a day at the end of the day the wife changes the husband and if the wife is growing she's able to build her husband was in he didn't know he was 40 years old when he married Rael but she saw that he has good me do she invested in she sends him to go learn for 12 years and then another 12 years and he comes back with 24,000 students unbelievable this is ridiculous 24,000 and then when they're coming back and Entourage 24,000 students she comes she sees she's going to and they start chewing her away what are you doing get away from the rabbi he says the famous words what are you talking about that you're kicking her away that you're showing her away she says he say he says mine is that lady if it wasn't for her none of this is happening all this Torah beautiful but if it wasn't for her where would it be the lady is able to change the husband even if he's not that yet that person that you but there's potential that's big so don't get too concerned sometimes people might be looking for something you know that ah they're too picky and there I remember when I was when I was going I was talking to my Rabbi what I'm looking for and I gave him the rundown he said y what you're looking for is around an 80-year-old lady that has perfected everything by now in life and uh you know it's not exactly going to happen you got to realize people grow you got to realize that it takes time you're not just going to go and beautiful you have you can have all your sh but it takes time for a person to develop as long as they're growth oriented though that is a very important inan that one is looking for what are the boys looking for said it best Grace Yi the most important thing says the wisest man that ever walked on the face of the Earth he says is unbelievable he says look for a girl that has and the question is begging what does that mean is not important is not important even says a person cannot marry girl until he sees her so how could it be that sh is just dismissing what seems so important forget about it just that's all that matters I once heard a beautiful per that we know there are three MIT that a lady has primary mitv let's call it as it says there are three mitv that the ladies are checked for at the time of child birth these are their big mitv one of them is family Purity the second is the kosher food and making sure of course the food the food in the house is kosher and those are the three what's HED in this is that is telling the that are looking for is the letters if the girl is lying about the and she doesn't have then forget anything else of course is important but it's not number one theem that is number one if she has then number two number three very good if they have then they could look and continue looking if it's the right SP for them they can continue seeing if it's the right SP but if not then what is it worth and with that we could understand what yov tells when yov sees after many years for the first time after many years sees y's family and he sees all the children he says where did you get these children [Applause] from andov says my children God graced me with them what is the question of and what is the answer of yov is asking who are they take a wild guess you see an 11-year-old a 10-year-old a 9-year-old an 8ye old a seven-year-old they look who do you think they are of course they's kids and says these are my kids what's the question what's the answer I saw Beau was asking how do you have such phenomenal children kids a bunch of Barbarians probably they're jumping around the wall all over the place you See's kids miss with the suit jacket and the pants and they look Miss they look proper and they look how in the world are your kids so good says says that's the three wife the kids they came up the wife a girl is looking for someone that has mid looking to grow and a boy's looking for a girl that hasem remembering sometimes someone says nah I'm not ready to get married I've had Sometimes some Tom say Rabbi I don't know if I'm ready to get married so I would ask what do you mean you're not ready what does that mean what what do you have to be ready for what what you that to get ready what what do you mean not ready you don't what do you don't have a tux what do you don't have a suit not ready says no Rabbi I don't know if I'm financially ready I'm not posing if anyone speak to your rabbis but sometimes I would tell them if not many times all the times money dinos Flo that's what you that's what you're missing is said your comes your wife when you get married you will have that's for the men sometimes they think they're not ready to get married or girl might think oh he he's not financially ready to get married that's because he doesn't have any bills so why why should hashm send him money he doesn't have a wife he doesn't have children you want hasm to give him a million dollars and do what with it buy another car and a Corvette and have another house to live in what do you the money comes when you need it send the you get married you have the wife she's the one that brings to the home the wife is like Shabbat KES the same way Shabbat brings to our homes the wife brings to our homes boys what's the sh we know the song you know what brings to our life Shabbat you keep Shabbat you have if had few minutes forget about it speak about you keep you have you have Shabbat in your life you have you know what else brings your wife it's amazing cuz Shabbat is our wife Shabbat is our wife we call her bo bo Shabbat is our wife so the same way Shabbat is our wife and she brings your physical wife brings as well your wife BRS he trying to the job settled this and that marri he married the wife brings the same way Shabbat brings way is the wife is the one that brings the as it says by Abraham Abraham Got Loaded who one lady called sah it was his wife Abraham was not rich and Abraham Got Loaded now you want to get married guys of course you want to get married you want to get married before now you realize that money shouldn't stop anybody money shouldn't stop anybody speak to your rabbis but money should not stop anybody because your wife brings the the tells us someone thinks they could have the tells us it's a different life and with that we could understand why we put the ring on this finger why do we put the ring on the kalaj finger this finger see proba think RAB just said an answer a few minutes ago you're right I'll give you a different answer though we know there's 10 fingers and there's also the Ten Commandments The Ten Commandments unbelievable 10 fingers and Ten Commandments the 10 fingers correspond to the Ten Commandments and if you put your fingers like this and you start from the right side and you go all the way to the left this is the first and that's the last guess what guys which one corresponds to shabbat Shabbat is the fourth of the ten commandments so if this is the first this finger corresponds to shabbes when the husband's getting married he puts the ring on this finger he's married to his wife he's married to shabbat KES Shabbat brings your wife brings it's all no how we going to make it takes care of everything if you havea there's no questions and if you don't havea then there's no answers and when a person realizes that you're going to build a place for the you don't think hasem is going to help you you think hasem is going to leave you we're less than a week away from P look at the Miracles that happened to they were set up for a Checkmate everything was lined up they were done the date was set ham wanted to kill the Jewish people ham had the Ring of he was ready to sign and he did sign signed he let H to sign the letters were sent out the world was about to find out to kill the Jewish people haman's kids and there were a lot of amim as Mayors and Senators so to speak in the world and they didn't like the Jewish people Haman is second to the king everyone is bowing down everything is lined up for Destruction for is and what happens in no time the next day ham is already hanging on a tree and every Jew lives and not one Jew died in any of the war how did that happen everything just switched do you think there is something that God cannot do all we have to do is to remember and to and to PR these are beautiful days for especially and right as is coming along just a few days away just a few days can you imagine the can you imagine what someone is able to do with the to pray in no time in no time everything could switch just for the better of course in no time I personally know a family back in Brooklyn very family in the community a year ago they had three children to get married three children girls that were older they had three children one boy and two girls one year ago today the boy got married already I was by that wedding the girl got married and the second girl is already engaged we're not even 9 months away and all three are married or on the way to being married three a year ago they were all probably thinking okay you know yesu going to come from is there something God cannot do God can do anything that he wants like help and to be there for like he always is to benef you think you're by yourself never but is always with us but boys I just like to share with you one last point look at the power of elah he was going to get a for and he's praying and the Tora tells us he didn't even finish praying yet says the Torah he didn't even finish praying and already is coming and greeting him now do you know what elzar was looking for he was looking for a for the son of Abraham he he was on the is huge huge how you going to find the and where you going how you going to find the for and what does he say the girl that's going to come and give me water and give water to my camels you want to get a girl that's going to come and give you water and to your camels you know how much water a camel could drink it's the ship of the desert if your mother asked you for a cup of water mom come on okay fine you give her one cup imagine she dared to ask for the second cup I mom two cups you have to go to the sink twice she's giving a stranger and 10 camels that they don't drink a little water 10 camels a lot of water to drink anyone else would have said El you're a big boy no you're a big man you're you're grown up here's a pale there's the well help yourself she doesn't do that he wants a girl that's going to come and give him water uhhuh uhhuh talk about wishful thinking he didn't even finish praying yet says the PUK and he's already seeing and she comes and she's giving him water and she's giving 10 camels to drink he was shocked you can believe it the power of prayer don't minimize the power of prayer to pray to especially as we get close to the time of and especially on in no time in no time that is the power of remember this one boys the says your wife she's like grapes as much as you want to find the perfect wife but in a way it's up to you to make it perfect your wife she's like grapes if you know what you're doing unbelievable you can get a mer you can get this unbelievable wine and if you don't know what you're doing vinegar if you know how to treat and to respect your wife you're able to see tremendous the comes wife it's all and realizing the power of inisha when someone gets married and they're going to build a home they're going to build a mini you have no idea how much better could have in your life everybody thank you for coming tonight wish everyone here TR should to build every single one of you a beautiful to have tremendous Clarity in the search for the which is going to be a quick search to build a wonderful and have a beautiful evening everybody for your tremendous remarks there's amazing food in the back we have the they can raise their hands everyone please introduce yourself to them they will help you out and thank everyone for joining us tonight