Rabbi Maor Bendel - The Secrets of Lag B'Omer

Good evening, welcome to tonight's very special sheer. Of course, I'm from Khazak and Or Torah and Marot. Of course, we have a very special sheer tonight, just a week away from from from Lag Ba'omer, and of course, we're going to get into tremendous insights so we can prepare for for the for the for the great day of of Lag Ba'omer, and of course, we're having we're talking about Lag Ba'omer tonight because of course, we have to prepare for prepare for the great day, and there's there's not going to be a sheer next week. So, of course, we're it's all so great that you all joined over here. There's also a special sheer tomorrow night with Rabbi Binyomin Classical. There's flyers on the tables in the hallway. Tomorrow night at Torah Center of Hillcrest, there's going to be dinner at 7:30, sheer at 8:30. Everyone is of course is encouraged to attend. And of course, Lag Ba'omer, I heard a story Rabbi Orlovsky said that that he was teaching the beginners program in Or Sameach in Israel. It's like a top it's a college program. So, what happens? There's a there's elderly man, he comes in he comes into the to the to the classroom, and he says, "Rabbi, I'm here." He's like, "How how I can help you?" He said he said, "Rabbi, if if if I don't start now, I'm 80 I'm 81 years old. If I don't start now, then then then when am I going to start? No matter what I lost in 80 years that I maybe learn, I can still learn now. And of course, Lag Ba'omer, you're talking about the 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva, and then you one might be one might think a normal person, "Okay, fine. 24,000 students, they they they they passed they passed away. So, okay, fine. So, maybe Hashem is a sign I'm not a teacher." But but what what do you do? He said, "Okay, fine. There's five students. I'm not going to give up. Maybe this is why I lost 24,000. But but I'm going to keep on going." And of course, that's the that's something that that we should no matter even Sefirat Ha'omer, you have you have Lag Ba'omer, and and maybe um whether you count the amount of days with a brocha or without, every every every day there's the opinion that every single day is a mitzvah. And of class. Of we we're always greatly inspired and and we we thank the rabbi Rabbi Mendel sweet offer for joining us and our So obviously Rabbi brought to my attention next week we will not be having class because it will be the night of Lag BaOmer. So I assume everybody's going to be in Meron by Rashbi. Not everyone's going to be flying to Meron Everyone's probably going to be at a Lag BaOmer party. So we're probably not going to have a class next week. Unless I say you guys want to do it anyways, but most likely we won't. So in that case, what we'll be doing tonight's class will be the Lag BaOmer class. That way you guys come into the hug come into the holiday quote unquote with a better understanding what's going on. Now I really wanted to touch on this topic and for us to understand what Lag BaOmer is, we really have to understand who Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai really was. And to do that, we really have to see the story that the Rabbi brings down in Shabbat. Now normally, if you guys have been into my show in long enough, you know that I usually never ever quote a daf. I usually don't. Even though I have it, I don't quote it. Why? That's what I got from my rabbis, not to do it. So that So this is a little bit of arrogance, so I'm so far I don't do it. However, today I will tell you which daf just because it's very pertinent. When do we celebrate the love of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai? Lag BaOmer. What's Lag? 33. What daf in Shabbat? Lag. What page? 33. >> [laughter] >> So in the end of 33A, the beginning of Lag Aleph Over there it talks about four things that are written in the Torah. There are four things that are assigned sicknesses that are assigned to a person's behavior. One of them is called askara which we spoke about last week, which is the sickness that befell the students of Rabbi Akiva, which the Rabbi calls it mavitra. Call it a bad death. Why is it called a bad death? Says the Ben Ben Yochai, the Ben Ish Chai, because it's something that affects your speech. The Gamorah says, "You know what's the sign for a person? You know what it means when a person gets askara? It shows you this person spoke lashon hara." That's what it means to say. That's what the Gamorah says in Shabbat at the end of the daf. You know what? Come read it a minute. You only get You only get askara for speaking lashon hara? And then the Gamorah goes back and forth in an argument and it says, "Wait. How could it be? We see over here, we see over here. Maybe for eating things. Maybe for bitul Torah." So on and so forth and it concludes that also for speaking lashon hara, not exclusively lashon hara, but also speaking lashon hara. Now, I didn't come to talk about lashon hara even though it's a topic within itself, but I will tell you guys something small about lashon hara because most people don't know that the first Bet Hamikdash and second Bet Hamikdash were destroyed for two different reasons. What were they? First Bet Hamikdash, three cardinal sins. Three three cardinal sins. Shfichut damim, giluy arayot, avodah zarah. Right? Bloodshed, illicit relationships, and idol worship. Second Bet Hamikdash, sinat chinam, But both Most people don't realize this. I'm sure they know it. They probably heard it at Tisha B'Av, but both of the Bet Hamikdash the churban Bet Hamikdash the destruction of the Bet Hamikdash happened on which day? Tisha B'Av. Why that day? Why specifically that day? We know why they were destroyed. Why that day? Because exactly. When the Jewish people were on their way to Eretz Yisrael after they were in the midbar, Kriyat Yam Suf. Just made it all the time. Huh? So, when they came to the midbar, they sent in the meraglim. They sent in the spies. The spies came back and what did they speak about the land? Lashon hara. They spoke lashon hara about the land even though what they saw was true. They spoke lashon hara. Now, you can imagine people are frightened. They're coming out of Egypt for the first time. They saw all these miracles, but they don't know where they're going. Hashem promised it's going to be Eretz zavat chalav u'dvash. It's going to be a great land. And then these top prestigious people they go out to spy the land and they come back with a negative report. Now, you're right. Caleb, Joshua, they didn't come back, but the rest of them did. And that night the whole Jewish nation cried. Almost everybody. Hashem brings a big Hashem tells them this night you cried for free for and then for the future I will decree upon you that you will cry this night for a reason. And therefore both of the temples were destroyed on which day? On Tisha B'Av. >> [snorts] >> Tisha B'Av, the 9th of Av, both of the temples were destroyed on that day. Why? Because of lashon hara. So when someone asks you what's the connection of lashon hara to the Churban Beis Hamikdash? Besides for the fact is how does sinas chinam, baseless hatred, manifest itself? One of the ways is lashon hara. But more so than that is that the whole reason it was destroyed on that specific date was because of lashon hara. Now, we have to know just a little tidbit I said to you guys is something interesting. I take my son to school every day, Yaakov, to school. My little Yaakov, you have a man who's a little blondie, yeah? Little blond boy with blue eyes, baruch Hashem. Don't ask me how is my son. One time I went to the park, they said, "Oh, is this your nephew?" I said, "No, he's my son." So my wife said, "Say kiss." I said, "Yeah, that's that's the shiksa." You believe I was born blond with blue eyes? He said, "Yeah." I said, "Well, you you shouldn't believe it cuz I'm lying." I'm just kidding. My dad was. So I call my Yaakov and driving him to school and I like to put him he liked this thing it's called Antoni Time, Chofetz Chaim Time Travelers. You guys ever heard of it? Stories anytime, something beautiful. Should listen to it. There's seven rules that the Chofetz Chaim brings down when he's speaking lashon hara and they did a beautiful job according by the name Shimon and Reuven, that's the name of the show. They did a wonderful wonderful job breaking it down into seven parts. There's seven rules. If I tell you all seven, you'll forget. But they made a nice little mnemonic, if you will, way to remember for That if you remember these seven words, you'll remember the seven laws of what you are allowed to speak Lashon Hara. What is it? True, wrong, talk, fact, help, way, fair. So, I like to think about it like a guy comes to a lawyer and he works by way fair, the company Wayfair. So, the guy true wrong, is it true or wrong what they did over here? Talk facts, only talk facts. Help Wayfair, help Wayfair cuz they need the help right now cuz they're getting sued. Okay? So, let's break them down. True, is what you're saying true? Is it really happening? Is it wrong? Is it wrong what they did? Talk to the person first. Don't go right away to speak Lashon Hara. Fact, stick to the facts of the story. Don't add anything. People like to exaggerate sometimes. Oh, yeah, you heard what happened? What happened? Then they start going and start spewing and oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay? Help, what does it mean? Make sure that the matter the only reason you're doing it is to help. Way, there is no other way. The only way I could do it is by speaking Lashon Hara. And fair, that it should be fair. The punishment the person gets for it should be fair. If you have these five conditions, if you have these five things, you're allowed to speak Lashon Hara. And the reason why it's so expensive is because extensive is because you're not it's people have to understand the sensitivity. Unfortunately, today you can get people get together in a room, Shabbat table, Mishnah Pirkei Avot says, talks about the amount of people who ate between them. Talks about they don't have the Torah between them. How much more so when they have Lashon Hara between them? Some people are like, "I don't want to name my son Yishmael." They get together with a bag of garinim of sunflower seeds and the whole night they're breaking down 15 pillars of sunflower seeds. That's for the fact that only one of them the whole thing is muktzeh. Forget that for a second. Now, the whole time this whole bag Lashon Hara. This layer Rivky, this layer this one, this one Italian or Arab. The whole night. It's a big problem. People need to understand not to talk Lashon Hara. To be very, very careful. Sometimes I come to the table, we have guests over, and you hear them talking lashon hara. So, I sit down there and I go "La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Sometimes you have to be what they call the the gnat in the group. Yeah? What can you do? Ah, Rabbi, don't be a fanatic. Come on. My grandmother told me what did I already say? I said good things, nice things about the guy. Doesn't matter. You have to understand that the reason why the Bet Hamikdash was destroyed was because of lashon hara. The Amora says and that was one of the reasons why that sickness which is something that started internally and then comes externally. It asks why did it start internally and come externally? Because where does the thought start? Where does the lashon hara start? From your mouth? It ends in the mouth, right? So, to ask a guy, it starts inside, it comes up, and then it gets to the mouth, which finishes the avodah. So, a person needs to know how to stop it, not to talk lashon hara. And then it gets into the story of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai. What happens? Rabbi Yehudah bar Ilai, Rabbi Yossi, and Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai. Rabbi Yehudah bar Ilai opens up. He says "Look at the Romans. Look how many nice things they built over here. Yeah, marketplaces, infrastructures. Look how many nice things they built over here." Rabbi Yossi is quiet. Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai says everything they built, they built for themselves. Which is true because at the end of the day, Maseches Avodah Zarah says at the end of days, all the people are going to come before God. The nations of the world are going to say "Look, we built bridges. We built streets. Now, you didn't drive here today. Who built the road you drove here today on? Huh?" Who built your car? Who built your car? You got over here in a Mazda, Honda, Bentley. You know what they call it? Let me know, okay? You got in your car. Who built your car? I'm telling you right now it wasn't Yoel and it wasn't Yitzy. It was some guys over there in the Philippines, in China, in Germany, and right, they built it. So they say, "You look, we build cars, we build a community show, we build you highways, we build a community show, we build you streets." They come and tell him, "No, we did some good things in our life." And Hashem says, "Everything you did, you did for yourself." So wait a minute, what about Rabbi Elazar? What about what they don't know? The others what they know. So Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai was the only one who had the guts to say it out loud. The word gets back Rabbi Yosi says not intentionally. That's probably why he's talking about Lashon Hara because he opened it up, he spoke about it the conversation in his house and the word gets back to the Caesar, to the Caesar. And he decrees that Rabbi Elazar becomes the head because he was the one who spoke nicely. Rabbi Yosi was exiled and Rabbi Shimon was exiled was sentenced to die. Rabbi Shimon and his son, Rabbi Elazar, they go where? To the Beit Midrash. And every day their wife would come and give them food and drink and they would learn over there. After a few days they say, "Look, if they're going to come interrogate our wives, our wives don't have the strong mouth to overcome the interrogation, they'll tell them they torture them they were here. So we have to run away to the cave." They go to a cave and they hide away hide away for how long? 12 years. Imagine living in a cave for 12 years. Now how did they how did they live? They would bury themselves in sand up to here. Whenever they would get up to pray, they would get dressed and then they would get back into the hole to learn. So 12 years like this. After 12 years they come out. 12 years they come out. And what happens now? They see people working. They see people doing construction or whatever. [laughter] They see guys working. They said, "Ex- What? What's going on over here? People left Olam, the the the world of of Torah to be Osek, to deal with worldly matters?" And everything they saw got burnt down. Everything they looked at got burnt. Hashem tells them about call. Heavenly voice comes out and says, "You guys came to destroy the world, go back to the cave." So they said, "Look, a person who goes to gehenna, he only goes for 12 months." So it can't be that we're going to be longer than 12 months. Exactly 12 months finishes, heavenly coal comes out, they come out again. This time what? Only his son burns people and he burns, he fixes. He burns, he fixes. Until they see a guy carrying some two branches and they ask him, "Why you need two? One's enough." He says, They were relaxed. Look how much the Jews love Torah. And they were relaxed. Now, on this topic I came to talk. They came out right away and started burning people with their eyes. I tell them, "Excuse me. You look at yourself right now like you're over here, right? But at the end of the day, you need to bring yourself down. This is not the whole purpose of the world is to look out into the world and judge other people. You could be an eye. You could be the greatest person in the whole entire world, but you cannot look outside and judge somebody else. And that's what the Torah tells us in last week's parashah, that a person has to always be tzedek tishpot amitecha. In righteousness, you have to judge your fellow. I must say that what brings down that you have to judge every single person favorably. The clear cut asks question. He says, "Wait a minute. Only your friend? I only have to judge my friend nicely? If you're my friend, I have to judge you nicely, but if you're not my friend, I don't have to judge you nicely?" He says again, "Why? Every single person." No worries. Every single person. I'm sure it was an emergency. Judging favorably. You got that guy's back. Not like the time I need this have it done and have it done like cuff. She'll scoop. They give him a little bit of cuff of scoop in the matter. Tell him where you go. Cuff scoop. Give him favor. Now, why is that? Why is it that we have to always judge people favorably? So really we should know Rabbi Yonah says a person who doesn't judge anybody else favorably, why because at the end of the day, [clears throat] if you don't judge another person favorably, he says that you're not you're not There's three levels of a person who has a sin. There's ones Shogeg and Mezid. Ones is completely exempt. Shogeg means negligent and Mezid means purposeful. He says you cannot say when you speak about another person that you're Shogeg. Oh, I was negligent. He says you You're very very close to Mezid. Why? Cuz the moral brings down that if you were in his shoes, you would have also sinned. So don't be so quick to judge other people. Cuz the Mishnah Pirkei Avot says don't judge a person until you got to his place. Heard a story this week. People were playing kosher, yeah? Had a swimming pool with a What are those things called? The The volleyball? Volleyball in the swimming pool, okay? Volleyball in the swimming Two teams against team. So a guy named Reuben comes to the kosher swimming pool and he gets over there. He's ready to play. He's getting stretched up and he sees the other team, they're barely making any points. So half the game was 22-point game. Half the game, they're Ruby Ruby and his team on the right hand side. And the other side is they always have the game. They score 11 points easy. And the whole time he's telling himself, I don't understand these guys didn't get one point. Not one point? Then they switch sides. And now Ruby and his team on the left side and everyone else on the right side. And what do they realize? They were in the deep end. >> [laughter] >> So now they're realizing why they're not getting any points because they couldn't swim over there. They were drowning. And then they're losing the game. So it's told to them Mishnah Pirkei Avot says don't judge a person until you got to his shoes. And if you can't explain since you can never get to his shoes, you can never judge him. So it's Sfas Emes. Sfas Emes says it's impossible for you to be in their shoes, to think like them, to see like them. Even twins. Can you imagine twins? Identical twins. Look exactly alike. You can't tell them apart unless you know them. Yeah? They grew up exactly You know how people get Yeah, they grew up exactly the same. They My mash, but at the end of the day, they're not the same. You want to know why they can't judge each other? Because the way they see life the way they perceive information is not the same way he'll perceive information. The way he'll understand something is not the same way he'll understand something. There was a story I heard of any minute be the one who is down in the name of Noah Weinberg. He was the Rosh Yeshiva of Aish HaTorah. And that's how he passed away, but he was He brings a beautiful story of an elderly man. This elderly man was known and famous for always looking at things in a in a very interesting way. How would he look at life? He'd always say, like, "Look, could be good, could be bad." He never really was much here. This elderly man had one horse. And his whole livelihood was dependent on this horse. One day, he comes out to the yard and sees the horse ran away. Ran. His friends come to him and tell them, "Oy, we're so sorry. He lost your only horse. Mkhila, we feel so bad." He tells them, "How do you know it's bad?" So, then they had to puzzle. What do you mean, how you know it's bad? Like, people you don't want to eat. What do you mean, how you know it's bad? But, they think to themselves, "Okay, let's give him done a cup of sugar, give him a little favor. He's looking to look at the good side of things. No problem." And then, what ends up happening as all this is going on in the conversation between them, what happened? His horse ran out to the wild. He met over there four wild horses. And they started going together, the wild horses. They started playing and running and going to the graze, and everything was beautiful. Until comes supper time. Now, the wild horses are looking to eat. They're scrounging between the grass and the bushes. But, this horse, he knows that at home he has some good food waiting for him. So, he runs back home. But, guess what? He doesn't come back alone. He comes back with four wild horses. So now, a few hours later, the guy went from having one horse to having five horses. His friends come to HIM AND SAY, "WOW! YOU HAVE WHAT? A COTTAGE? HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS GOING TO BE GOOD?" HE looks at them and says to them, "How do you know it's good?" And [laughter] this time they already almost want to kill the guy. "Are you crazy? You got five horses now. You know how expensive a horse is? You're going to make a hell of a lot of money." He says, "Who told you it's good?" The next morning his son wakes up. His son was like in his late teens. And he sees a few new horses. He gets excited. He jumps on one of the horses, falls off, and breaks both of his legs. His friends come to him and tell him, "Yo, we're so sorry. How did you know? So terrible." He tells them, "How do you know it's bad?" What do you They At this point, they didn't want to be friends with the guy anymore. >> [laughter] >> Call this now. No. Enough already. You don't know. A month later, Nikolai, the the leader of the time, sends a draft to the army, and they come to this kid's house to pick him up, take him to the army, but they see him with two casts on his leg, and they end up leaving him. That same people they drafted, they all went out to war. Every single one of them didn't come home, unfortunately. They all passed away. So what's the moral of the story? The friends came to the elderly man and said, "Listen, you have to be a navi. You have to be a prophet." He tells them, "I'm not a prophet. I just been on this world long enough to know that you can never judge anything right away. Everything in life need time. Just because something looks bad now doesn't mean it's bad. Just because something looks good now doesn't mean it's good. We don't have the power of perspective to understand. And that's why the k of oats, we have a minoc to learn the k of oats now and so and Shabbat oats. The first Mishnah of k of oats, the people of the great assembly, the men of the great assembly, what's the first thing they say? Be deliberate in judgment. Take your time. How would say in Arabic shwaye shwaye, okay? Relax a little bit. Huh? Don't go too fast. Take your time because you will ultimately end of the day stumble if you don't take your time. That's why Maran writes that this show of a person who takes his time to judge people comes from anavah. From humility. You want to know why? Because he's not so sure of himself. People in the world have so clear images in their mind. It's It's honestly astonishing to me. People are so convinced of their nonsense. A guy will sell himself a complete movie, okay? And he'll think he's 100% correct. Rabbi, I'm telling you she's crazy. I don't know how I've been married to her 7 years. I'm telling you I had situations like this people come to me. Rabbi, my wife is much known. My wife is like this. She's a terrible I meet the woman, sweet, nice, kind. I said, "This is the same devil you've been talking about for the last mother?" It's in me. What comes out? Who's really the devil? He's really the bad guy over here. You can never believe and that's why people come and tell you a story of shana one of the reasons of shana you can't obey. Oh, you heard about this guy? Oh, he's crooked. He's like this. He stole. He cheats. He steals. He this. He that. I told you guys about the three answers last week on Shabbat I was walking. The three women? I didn't mention here. There was I Shabbat I was walking last week. It was last week two weeks I don't remember now. And I was walking and you know when I'm walking to shul my hand is usually down. And all of a sudden, you know, I'm not an eavesdropper. I don't listen to people's conversation. Usually on the way I'm preparing. I'm reviewing. But these three women for some reason decided they're going to talk very very loud. And what are they talking about? Oh, you heard about Rachel? What Rachel? My God. You heard she went on a trip to Florida? Her mom paid for it. You saw her in the new car? Her aunt paid for it. You like her new house? I heard her dad paid for it. I told the like miskina Rachel she's in the house we three over here butchering her. She just came back from Florida. She's driving her aunt's car and her dad's house. She's living the life of Why? Why are they talking bad about her? Because they cannot watch her succeed. And in their mind they have to make up an excuse. Why she living a better life than me? Why her life look better than mine? Why does she look better than me? Why is she going on vacation and I'm not going on vacation? It must be that her dad paid for it. Her dad but he doesn't have any money. I will have to say that she really does. In my movie her dad is a multi-millionaire. How's that for a book? People they right away hear good something good about a person. Wow, I heard the business is doing really good. Give the guy a compliment. You already butchered his business. He just opened up now. He had a good week. Right away you put him in the dump. No, it's only one good week. He's not really going to make it. I had a mistake. It's a shame. They cannot watch. Now of course nobody over here everybody over here is a good guy. Everyone over here doesn't do this. They cannot do it. They cannot watch another person succeed. And they convince themselves of the nonsense they have in their mind. They will convince themselves 100% ultimately something called the world of pathological liars. People What's the difference between a regular liar and a pathological liar? What's the difference between pathological or not? I'm going to tell you one time what's the difference between a pathological a pathological liar and a regular liar. A regular liar knows he's lying and he just goes with it. A pathological liar convinces himself THAT HIS LIE IS TRUE. NO HABIBI, I'M 200 LB. I TELL you not you 120. I'M TELLING YOU I'M 200 LB. HABIBI I put you on this scale right now in front of you. No, the scale doesn't work. Take another scale. This scale also doesn't work. ALL THE PROOFS AGAINST HIM. He tell you no no, no, no. Everything else is wrong. I'm right." Why? Because they convince themselves in the mirror. But a person who is quick to judge will always 90% of the time will be wrong. And that's why a person has to be so meticulous when he's looking out to always judge a person favorably. You know, the Baal Shem Tov, one of his students writes down a safer, wrote down one of the students of the Baal Shem Tov. He writes down that in life a person has two medicines. Two medicines. What is two medicines? He says, there's one that's very, very bitter and one that's very, very sweet. How do you decide which medicine is given to you? He says, it's all dependent on the way you look out into the world. If your medicine is going to be bitter, you know why it's going to be bitter? Because when someone else came before you, you judged them bitterly, so Sham says, "Okay, no problem. With that kind of measure, you're also going to get judged bitterly." That bitterness also comes back to you. But if you make every single effort to judge a person sweetly, then the medicine that comes back to you will be sweet. That's what he writes in the Baal Shem Tov. It's actually in the Gamara in Shabbos, whatever. We'll get to that in a minute. I will let you funny cuz I one time saw on a safer a commentary by Rabbi Victor Miller. Rabbi Victor Miller says, "You know what it's like? When a person understands that God is the one who's in charge of his life, you know what it's like? Like you have a friend who's a pharmacist. You guys know have a friend, never had a friend who was a pharmacist? A friend who's a pharmacist. And in the middle of the night, all of a sudden the guy's body starts hurting him. Ah, he's a cavity, my back, my this, my that, okay? He calls his friend and says, "Listen, I need something. Hook me up." His friend says, "Look, it's late at night. I'm not coming right now to the pharmacy. Take the keys, go to the pharmacy, take whatever you want." How's it going to happen over there? Huh? Most likely he's going to end up hurting himself or even worse. Why? Cuz he has no idea which medicine to take. He has no idea how much of it to take. He's going to say, "Oh, you know what? I heard of this thing before, eh. What is that thing called over there, eh? Oh, that medicine? Yeah, yeah, that one is good." Why? I heard it one time. And how much to take? I'm going to pop a whole thing. Next thing you know, the guy's in the hospital, stomach poisoning. Why? Because he is not a doctor. Rebbi Akiva Eiger, when a person comes across a person praying for whatever he wants, Hashem says, "No problem. You can pray for whatever you want. But at the end of the day, you're asking for a higher dosage than you need. It's going to be detrimental for you. Or you're asking for the wrong medicine." A person who knows that Hashem is the one in control, the doctor, then whatever the medicine Hashem gives him, is the right medicine. But the way you taste, you decide. How do you decide? By the way you judge other people. Now, the Gemara brings on a story. What's the story? He brings on a story that there was a guy who was working as a shepherd for a person for a few amount of years. And when it finally came time to pay him, he told him, "I'm sorry. I don't have any money." "Oh, give me this. Give me this." Everything he told him, "I don't have. I don't have. I don't have. I don't have." They went back to his house. A few days later, the guy comes on chariots with food and drink and eat and they feed the guy. And he gives them all the money. And then he asked him, "What did you think about me when I told you about this?" He says, "Oh, if you don't have any money, you must have sold all your Everything he told him, he had an answer. Who was it? The guy who wasn't getting paid. Imagine working for a guy three years, he didn't pay you a dollar. And everything he tells you, you're like, "No, the heck with you. You're telling me you don't have any sandwiches over here, huh? I see your stomach, it's full. You ate something." And judged him completely favorably. Says the Chasam Sofer, al pi ha shiltot, who is this talking about? Rebbi Akiva. Rebbi Akiva was the person who judged Rebbi Akiva ben Chunya in the right way. That was the ba'al That was the worker. He judged him appropriately the whole entire way. Cuz he understood at the end of the day, my job in the world is to judge people favorably. And it's interesting, cuz the Ben Ish Chai writes, "Even if you have to go way outside of your imagination to assume why this person is right, you have to do it. Even if you go way far of your imagination to assume why he's right, you have to do it. You have to. Why? Cuz the way you judge another person is the way they judge you in Shamayim. And be very careful. A guy is driving one day on the highway, cuts a guy off speeding 50 mph into the highway. He sees this guy is coming to the right off the exit. Cuts the guy off, majnun. And the next day it HAPPENS TO HIM. MAJNUN! HELLO, you did THIS THING YESTERDAY. >> [laughter] >> AND THE same exact thing happened to David Hamelech. Shmuel Bet. The prophet comes to David Hamelech. He gives him a parable. A guy who only had one sheep, another guy had many sheep. He took his sheep. What's his din? David Hamelech says, "What, are you crazy? This guy should have me tied to this tie." He's screaming at him. The prophet tells him, "You know who that was? That was you. That you took the wife of Uriah the Hittite. You took her? This was you. You were machriah your own din. When in Shamayim they decreed upon him many fasts and this and that, they told him that his son was going to die, and unfortunately his son passed away. And David Hamelech fasted and fasted and fasted as the possuk in the Torah or in Tanach says, he fasted until he got the news that he passed away, then he stopped fasting. So they came to him and asked, "Why did you stop fasting?" He says, "So long as the decree didn't come down from Shamayim, I prayed maybe Hashem will rescind it. Once it already came down, nothing I could do. I'll continue on with life." But who brought down the judgment? David Hamelech. Forget the fact now of all those who say David Hamelech sinned that anyone who said he sinned was wrong, but at the end of the day we see over here a clear clear proof that he was punished for it. He was punished. After that, whatever, we see that Hamelech was born. However, at the end of the day he was punished. So, what happened in the Rishonim? What happened over there? But who is the person who brings down the judgment on you? You. And the way you judge other people. And that's why you have to always go to the opposite end of the extreme. You see a Hasidic guy walking into a Chinese food restaurant not kosher. He went over there just to the bathroom. Huh? Said, "How about this? Even if it looks like the guy is 99% wrong, and 1% maybe in a distant imagination in some other realm, in some other world, he's right, we have to go to that 1%. That's what it means to judge every single person favorably. Except for a rasha. If he's a wicked guy, you don't judge him favorably. But a regular person, some Yiddisher regular Jew, you see him doing something wrong, you have to always in your mind tell yourself why this person is right. Imagine. Because if it was you, you have to defend yourself, right? Defend yourself, right? When it comes to your family, some people in the world, not you guys, yeah? Everything the family does is right. Their kids, everything is good. They go to school and I used to be those moms who they come to the school and the parents like, "I'm sorry, yeah, your kid has ADD, your kid like this, you're not listening." You have ADD. You're not listening. You're bad teacher. Why is my kid doing anything? I have 30 kids in the class. What am I supposed to do? I don't have any diamonds and your son. >> [laughter] >> Huh? No, the truth of the matter is that actually happened to me and my mom My mom told them, "No, no, he's a good kid." And what do you know, you guys see that I came out not so good. So, >> [laughter] >> No, no. I would advise at the end of the day you have to be careful. However, there are some people in the world that refuse to do anything wrong. So, to defend yourself, you know who a good parent is? You know who a good friend is? You know who a good family member is? A person who's willing to tell you when you're wrong. Cuz nothing better in the world than rebuke. I could decock. Some of the Rishonim write that a person that moosel of a tochacha, that a person who doesn't like rebuke, Sone Hashem, hates God. A person who cannot okay rebuke, he cannot take rebuke, he hates God. Why? If everything you do is right, nothing you do is wrong, everything is good, so what what you're here for? Huh? What are we here for? Everyone in the world has something to fix. Everybody in the world. You, him, the other person. But then they let you can never judge another person because you will never be in their shoes. You'll never be in his situation. The mom says, "If you were in his situation, you would have also sinned." You would also fail. Last week we spoke about the virtual goggles, Nachon? You guys remember the virtual goggles with my bank account? Yeah? You guys remember the ones who weren't here, I'll say it again. You guys see I'm wearing virtual goggles? You see them or no? VR, virtual virtual reality, okay? I see imagine now someone comes in and screams. And actually it's funny, I said this last week in my Wednesday class over there, all of them are Israeli soldiers. I said, "Imagine a guy comes in right now and he starts screaming and and and screaming at me." All three of them all five of them got up like "To my phone." I said, "Relax, nobody's here." They wanted to jump on him already. I said, "Relax, sit down." You know what Khayal stands for? Hasid, Yireh Shamayim, and Lamdan. Hasid, Yireh Shamayim, and Lamdan. Hasid, right? Yireh Shamayim, Lamdan, and learning. Khayal, soldier. I said, "What happened? A guy comes in and screaming at me." I was supposed to get upset, right? Someone walks into your house and screams at you. Someone comes to you for Shabbat dinner and complains about the food. Someone comes to you Saturday morning and says, "I cannot believe you're serving dairy." Okay? Where's the hamim? Where's the chunt? Huh? Where's the kigel? Huh? Can't explain that. Can't believe it. So, what's your original thinking? Get upset. Excuse me. You chutzpah, I invite you over to my house. Not only you who to my house, and complain about my food like that. So, I tell them, "Don't come to my house complain I'm tired of all of you coming to my house to eat over here, to eat my food, and to complain." You're going to get upset with him, right? Yes? All right, you get upset with him, right? No, I was not getting upset. >> [laughter] >> I mean, I know his food is not good. Stop. All right, that comes in now, yeah? I see that every time he screams at me a million dollars goes up in my account. I'm not going to hate him, right? I'm going to love him, right? I heard this story from one of the great men a beautiful story. The story is really brought down in introduction to different of all Whatever, I'm going to tell you the story about the camera. In short. There was a rabbi in Hungary. Right? His name was Arab Yosef Teitelbaum. In Hungary. He was one of the rabbis of a certain city. Satmar, Satmar. He was one of the Teitelbaum family. It's near whatever. There's a few different that come from the last name. That was his name. He lived in a city named Hungary. And he had an apartment in that city that was owned by a non-Jew and he was renting it. One day the non-Jew comes and tells him, "Look, I want to sell the house." He says, "However, very, very expensive. I'm selling it and if you can't buy it, then I have to kick you out. What's the problem? And because the neighborhood is so hot, so on demand, there's no apartments. Which basically means which basically means one that if that if they kick them out of the apartment the rabbi and his wife have nowhere to go. They have to leave the community, give up on their job, give up their position. You can imagine they're stressed out. What are we going to do? They tried to raise the money, cannot raise the money to buy the house. So, now their only option is to leave and to leave the community. On top of that, while all this is happening, two women get into a fight. And one woman screams at the other woman and says, "THAT'S WHY I was speaking to the Rabbanit last week and she told me like this and this is about you." Which is, by the way, not true at all. It was an utter lie. The woman hears the Rabbanit spoke about me. She comes and running to the Rabbanit's house and finds everybody and screams at her publicly and embarrasses her. From the bushah, from the embarrassment, that night, she goes to sleep. While she's sleeping and crying from the embarrassment of what happened to her and from the pain of the situation, what's going to happen with my apartment? She goes to sleep crying. Her father, Avichezer Shapiro, comes to her in a dream. And he tells her, "My dear daughter, I'm embarrassed from you in shamayim and from your tears." She says, "What did I do?" He goes, "You know that in shamayim, l'havdil, it was decreed upon you that chas v'shalom you were going to lose your life. So, I begged and I pleaded to Hashem and I got them to agree to get your landlord to give you full problems in the house. But then, the mekaterigim, the persecutors, weren't happy with it. They wanted something that was close to bloodshed. So, he sent someone to embarrass you publicly cuz anyone who embarrasses friend it brings the blood to his face as if he killed him. And I saved your life and you're here crying." Father tells her. "THIS ALL OF THIS SAVED YOUR LIFE and you're over here crying. It's hard for me in shamayim. I'm begging and pleading." She wakes up from the dream. She's like, "I cannot believe it." She hears a knock on the door. Who's the knock on the door? The woman. "Rabbanit, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I apologize. Please forgive me. I don't know how I spoke like that to the Rabbanit. I know the Rabbanit never spoke about me one time. I don't know what came over me. Please forgive me." She forgives her. A few hours later, who comes knocking on the door? The landlord. Now he comes knocking on the door. Guys, I decided I don't want to sell. Please stay over here. I love you guys as tenants. All the problems went away. What's the difference? Why all the problems went away? Cuz when she woke up in the morning with her grandfather's words, she accepted upon herself the dean. She accepted upon herself, this is what Hashem wants from me, and I'm going to go through it. Guess what? Everything was cleaned up at that point. It reminds me of a story when it comes to the rabbi. He says, "Rabbi, I can't do it anymore." So, what's the problem? He says, "My wife is killing me. I can't do it. She's really I'm telling you, Rabbi, everything I tell her she does the opposite. I tell her make me chicken, she makes me make dairy. I tell her make me dairy, she makes me chicken. I tell her this, that, everything it's it's I can't deal with her anymore. She I'm worried." So, the rabbi was a real not like some people real one. He tells him, "I want you to know that in Shamayim this is your Hashem created her for you. If you want to get to Gan Eden, I love you over Gan Eden my you're not going to go over twice over here and not there." Accept it upon yourself, this is what Hashem wants from you. He says, "Rabbi, if that's the case, I accept it upon myself 100%." He comes home, his wife is over there greeting him with a meal at the table. Hi, honey, how was your day? Wakes up in the morning, there's breakfast. She's massaging his feet. Hello. He comes running to the rabbi. HE SAYS, "RABBI, I'M LOSING MY MIND. >> [laughter] >> MY WIFE ALL OF A SUDDEN BECAME AN ANGEL. I'M LOSING MY MIND." He says, "Don't worry. What happens is when you came over here in my seat and I told you and you accepted it, Hashem says, 'Okay, that's it, he accepted it. Done.' He gets a wife and he gets a good wife in this world." When a person understands everything that happens to him, Hashem is the one who guides it, he's the one who directs it, then you're always going to judge another person another person favorably. Cuz at the end of the day, nothing can happen if Hashem didn't decree it. Yes, everyone has their own Hashem, but you're not their judge. Hashem didn't put you on the world to be a judge. And I'm kidding you, I'm a judge. But other than that, Hashem didn't put you in the world to be a judge. Some people in the world are so convinced Someone showed me a a clip one day of someone online saying something. I don't remember what it was. With such confidence. About something about a diet. If you eat this, it's so good for you and this and that and something. Complete and utter nonsense. >> [clears throat] >> You know what? People believed him. You know why? He got on the camera and said, "Guys, I'm telling YOU I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT." NOBODY fact checked it. Nobody cares if it's true or not. The guy comes with confidence. The guy says, "Yeah, this guy knows what he's talking about." This guy knows what he's talking about. The guy made it up. Made it up completely. Made it up completely. Today, you cannot believe anything. I want to do you want to Dubai. He came back. I said, "How was uh Dubai?" I said, "How many days did you want over there?" He tells me, "Rabbi, I didn't like it over there." I said, "Why?" He said, "Everywhere I go, they feel like they're trying to sell me." I told him, "Over here, they're not trying to sell you." >> [laughter] >> Even you get to the airport, you already have a billboard in front of your face. Where are you going on your next vacation? I didn't even leave my other vacation yet. I didn't even get home from my other vacation. You're already talking about your next vacation. They're always trying to sell you. No matter where you go in life, everyone in the world is trying to sell you something. The question is what are they trying to sell you? A person with emet, a person who looks for the truth, he doesn't look what people are trying to sell him. He looks beyond what people are trying to sell him. Is there truth to what you're saying or not? I gave a class last week in Staten Island. There was a therapist over there. Therapist, you know what their job is. And I gave a class about the grass is greener. We spoke about it last week, about being happy where you are and appreciating. She says, "You know Rabbi, every time I hear you speak, everything you're saying is exactly what you I learned in therapy." She says, "Are you a therapist?" I said, "No." "But everything you learn in therapy is exactly what we learn in Torah. You want to know why? Cuz you stole it from us." >> [laughter] >> Everything you guys have, you guys took from us. She says, "You know Rabbi, I'm thinking every day and every day more and more." All of these principles already exist. Hashem gave us the blueprint to our lives. And this is the way he wants us to live our life. If you're going to abide by this, you're going to live a happy life. And I'm And going back to the Why do people always look at the bad of other people? The one says color possel bemo possel. Anyone who sees the bad in another person, he only sees the bad in himself. You know what bothers you in another person? There are people in the world who do the worst things in the world that don't bother you. You can continue on with your day. You want to know why? Because you don't have that issue. You know what bothers you when other people do it? It's something you also have. If a guy walks in with ego and it bothers you that he's walking in with ego, guess what? You also have ego. Cuz that person who doesn't have ego doesn't care how the guy is walking in. If a If someone talks to you in a certain type of way and you don't like the way they talk, guess what? You probably also talk that way. Whatever it is that you find possel, bad in another person, just know you probably have the same thing. One way or another. Otherwise, it wouldn't bother you. That's exactly why Hashem puts you in those situations. Someone one time asked me, "Rabbi, how come I have the same thing reoccurring to me again and again and again?" Same situation. Whether it be financially, whether it be anything in the world. Why does it happen again and again? I tell them, "You want to know why? Cuz you haven't learned the lesson." I know somebody that happened with their business. Every time in the business, same situation. I told I told the person, "When are you going to learn that your problem is is that you want to be in control?" You want to be in control is the biggest problem anyone in the world faces. Wanting to be in control of anything is one of the biggest problems you could ever have. A guy called me. I told you guys this this situation with the guy called me 3 months in business, pipeline or no. I don't remember. Did I tell you? what you? Told you. You know what I told that guy? I said, "You know what know problem is? Is you know why you you you you're so caught up on this idea of savings or money for a rainy day? Well, is it cuz you want to be in control of your reality." When a person doesn't have X amount of dollars in his bank account, then he's worried about the future. You know why he's upset? You know why he asks questions on God? Because he wants to be in control. She wants to be She wants to feel I have X amount of money in my bank account, so I know that I'm okay. If a rainy day comes, I'm okay. What's the problem with that way of thinking? Is it your faith is not in God, your faith is in yourself. When you want to be in control of everything, Hashem will keep on giving you the same test again and again and again and again and again and again until you realize that you're not supposed to be in control. Who has the easier time in the car? The guy driving, the guy in the passenger seat, or the guy in the back? Who's the most having a good time? The guy driving is not the one who's having a good time because he has to drive. Get the wrong turn, you end up in the way to Queens, you end up in Zimbabwe. Can't The guy got blessed over here in Queens, you know. Guys, every week they're doing renovations on the highway. I don't even know where to go anymore. Huh? Even with Waze, Waze doesn't even know where to go. You know, one point Waze told me, "I'm sorry, we're in Queens." >> [laughter] >> It was a 1W became 1M and 117. So, I said, "Long story short, I can't give you one." You don't know where to go. So, the guy who's driving has to worry maybe we're going to get lost. Especially back in the day when we were kids, I don't know if you guys are old enough. When I was a kid, my dad used to take me to get make take out a map from the glove compartment and open up this gigantic map and tell me, "Here, tell me how to get there." So, I said, "Well, we're in this big gigantic iPhone now, you know. How can I pull boom? Ah, okay, I'll take a right, take a left." You have to have a compass over there. So, I said, "Yo, we're not to west. Three stars." So, they had we telephone the guys lost. So, I asked him on that. The guy was driving, he has to worry about getting lost. The guy in the passenger seat, he's driving also. Why? Because he doesn't like the driver drive. Hello. Relax. Every everything he does, these guys have a comment to make. And the guy in the back, he with the headphones on. >> [laughter] >> He doesn't even know where we're going, how we're going, who's going, not going. I'm relaxed. I said in life, you can pick where you're sitting in the car. You want to be in control, no problem. Good luck. Good luck. You go with your ways, with your ChatGPT, and figure out how far you go. Figure out how far. And I'm telling you guys, okay, they go, "Rabbi, how's ChatGPT is good? I can use it? I can ask it questions?" I said, "Go ahead, ask it a question right now." He asked the question in front of me. I I'll tell you the truth. You ever see somebody argue with ChatGPT? I said, "Give me the phone." I started arguing with ChatGPT. The ChatGPT told me I'm wrong. It told me, "Yeah, I'm right. You're right. I'm 100% wrong." Every single source he gave him was made up. Every single source he gave him was made up. Give me a call over here. No give me a call over here. The guy never checked. See, Rabbi, you see Tractate Ketubot. You open up the page. Open up the page. Show me it's inside. Ask them. SHOW ME THE PAGE INSIDE. NO, NO, I'm sorry. I don't know. >> [laughter] >> Uh where where where did you get this? The Baal Shem Tov one time said, I said, "What what what what what chapter is it from?" I don't know. So, where did you get this from? It In truth, I made it I You didn't say it in the book. What did he tell me? In truth, I made it up. Why? Cuz it sounded nice. >> [laughter] >> So, everyone likes the Baal Shem Tov. I said, "The Baal Shem Tov, it sounds nice." What is it? I DON'T KNOW. ChatGPT has no ramifications, you know, they put you a little like a It's like the little like on the You take the drugs and talking about you're like the pharmacy and the bottom they have like in the tiniest little letters that nobody can read. Yeah, by the way, all the side effects. ChatGPT 10 and a bottle of little star. Nothing we say over here is valid. Double check our sources. How about take two with the bottle? No, no, no, a tiny little bottle over there. What bracha do I need to make on this? God doesn't even know what bracha I need to make. Nothing. So, you could be the one driving the car, no problem. Drive the car and guess what? Good luck. See you navigate through Queens. >> [laughter] >> Or you could be in the passenger's seat. Everything ah ah ah. Or you could be the one in the back and say, "Gosh, I need ragua. Headphones on, listening to shul Torah, I'm relaxed." Somebody asked me, "What does emunah really look like?" And I'm going to tell you this is because it has to do with real ahavas chinam, really loving another person, judging them favorably, understanding that at the end of the day, if Hashem is the one who controls everything, it's not for us to judge. So, then what does real emunah look like? I'll tell I'll tell you the truth, this is exactly what it looks like. Real emunah doesn't mean that I never get worried. Real emunah doesn't mean that I never get a little bit scared. That's if you get the 100% emunah, which today, by the way, the one says that today in our days that it's almost impossible to get. But what does emunah look like? There's some person in the world who gets bad news and for 5 days he's down. But after that he can go back to being himself. Good. So, when does his emunah his emunah kick in? After 5 days, on a delay of 5 days. Another person, three. Another person, two. Another person, one. Another person, an hour. Another person, 30 minutes. Another person, 5 minutes. What's the difference between all of them? When does the emunah kick in? At what point does it kick in? So, if it takes you 1 day after you get bad news, guess what? You have something to work on. Cuz the goal is to get to a point where it's 1 minute. Bad news comes, 1 minute you're a little bit stressed out and you say, "You know what? Gosh, I need to calm down." And then everything goes on, everything is normal. 1 minute. But to get there you have to work on it. It's a muscle. You can't wake up and expect it go from 5 days to 30 minutes. If you go from 5 days, you want to see what happens in 4 days. That's progression. And that's the way the world not be the one works. It progresses. It's gradual. And it starts with the way we see each other. The way we see ourselves. The way we look out into the world. And just know we back in negative now. Who is the one who judges you? You. End of the day, you are your own judge. I shall just want to see first of all, how much you regret. Second of all, if somebody else did it, how you judging them? So, the way you judge another person is the way you judge yourself. And therefore, when you look outside into the streets, just know the problem they have is the same problem you have. And if you're quick to judge, guess what? I shall mind also quickly judge you. But if you're slow and you're deliberate and you look for every excuse in the book and every reason why they're right and every reason why they shouldn't have done what they should have done what they did. I shall mind and say, "Okay, you know what? When the case of Benjamin Gabriel come before I shall, guess what? I shall say, "Okay. Now you or somebody else >> [laughter] >> cut the guy off on the Belt Parkway coming on the highway going 50. Okay. The next day we have a situation. What did he say? Okay, that's his thing. Moving on. >> [clears throat] >> That's how it works. So, be very, very careful how you judge other people because ultimately end of the day, the only person you're judging is yourself. And be careful how you speak because your words have power. Your words have energy. Be very, very careful. And I think another big takeaway is that if you see another person succeeding in life, don't be so quick to discount it. Just give them a blessing. Give them a blessing. Let me not get in my house. If anyone in my family says says nice about somebody or about something, right away I say give them a bracha. We got to pass by a house. My kids say, "Abba, wow, that's a big house." I say right away I go give them a bracha. What bracha? That they should do a better mitzvah than I have. Something. I don't know, but give them a bracha. Cuz if God forbid any ayin hara, negate it right away. Right away give them a bracha. Don't talk, but if you already talked, give them a bracha. So that way you never get to the point where any ayin hara, something that run away from it. Run away from it. Run away from it. If we do that, every single one of us favorably, we'll be able to come in to Lag BaOmer next week, every single one of us and therefore God willing we're going to get finally going to get a haircut. For the women you don't really care, but for us it makes a difference. I would say every one of us will be to know where we're sitting in the car, to pick our place, to be kind of so on and so forth. Amen. Kol hakavod to you.