Rabbi Maor Bendel: Greatness & How to Acheive it

Hope everyone went to tonight's special event. Rabbi Bendell, of course, our usual time is Monday nights and uh maybe some people aren't so used to that, but it's Monday nights right here 8:30 right here in um Oratra. Of course, want to thank Mo or Toron on this weekly shar with with um with the great Rabbi Vendel. And of course, our topic tonight is about greatness. How do you achieve it? And I think a story that is very appropriate for this is that there was there was a there was once a rabbi in New York and and it it snowed a foot on on that night of the of the of the year she so so the person was organizing the shear they went over to they they they called the rabbi and said what what are we going to do tonight? He's like, "Nope, we still got to go. The people people are just sitting in their homes. They'll walk to the Shir and because we still have to spread the Torah. We still have to spread the light." And people think that greatness is you have to be in front of the CMA Shas and you speak in front of 100,000 people. But really, the greatness is the dayto day. And who is that story about? That was Ravi Bendel a few weeks ago. He said, "Ravie, we're still going to organize this year. There's there's 50 inches of snow outside." And Ravi is coming all the way from Brooklyn. We we you you can speak about greatness because you are you live that greatness. So thank you. See we change a night. I have a wedding tomorrow night that I cannot miss. I have to speak underneath the but I wanted to just uh to include you guys. I tell you in general my general hashkafan the way I like to look at things is I never want to cause us to skip out on our learning. So we have a every Thursday he can tell you that whenever I have a something to do on a different night I'll always move my class in order to be able to at least accommodate forever can come another night. That's the night we always had not the cancer classes. Now I came really talk to you about a different topic but as I see that the the mat changed a little bit over here I wanted to actually say maybe still dealing in the topic of greatness one guy came to me just this week and Rabbi was talking about weather told me a joke I don't know if I like this joke or not he told me I don't know what's more bipolar the weather or my wife's temperament said talk like is but people don't realize that true greatness behind every great rabbi is even greater woman. You see great people in the world behind them is the greatest woman in the world but you have to appreciate that. My wife tells me certain something going on with the family members and the wife tell me I want you to go pray. I tell her your prayers are better than mine cuz whatever I'm worth, you have the same thing plus everything you're worth cuz the woman enable the man. But it's the husband's job to appreciate his wife. I told you guys tomorrow I'm talking in a so I'm going to include you guys in a little bit. I'm speaking over there only 5 minutes but I'm going to speak to you guys a little bit of what I wanted to say tomorrow night even though I prepared something else over here but I'll tell you a little bit what I wanted to say tomorrow night. On this joke this guy told me about his wife. I told him we spoke about it one time in the past but if I would ask you what was the first sin in the history of the world everyone over here would tell me that what ate from Hashem tells Adam don't eat from don't eat from the tree of knowledge he tells his wife don't touch right from there we learn of you're not allowed to add anything on the Torah he told his wife Hashem said don't don't eat he was afraid his wife is not going to listen so he said I'm going to make So what did he say? I want to tell her don't touch the snake always looking for an opening. The the says about at the opening of your heart is always waiting. So the he hears such a thing here that the woman say oh my husband told me that Hashem said I cannot touch the tree. So what does he do? He pushes her. She touches the tree. He says oh you see you're okay. You made it out alive. Don't worry. If you could touch it, you can also eat. She eats. She realizes now that she's not dressed appropriately. And she realizes now she gets the wisdom to differentiate between good and evil. She says, "I'm going down. My husband is going down with me." Huh? She calls her down. She tells him, "Come quickly. Eat this apple. Hey, eat." And so your wife cooks. You have to eat. Good. Not good. You know, one guy told me what was he told me one time we invited for Shabbat somewhere. He told me, "I want you guys to know the fact that you're enjoying the Shabbat food for my wife's cooking right now. You should know it's all in my scoot." I said, "How was in your scoot?" He says, "I was suffering for 20 years. Suffering for 20 years. She's cooking as she's experimenting. I'm sitting over there dumping the food into the bush, giving it to the dog. But I have to for you guys to enjoy over here 20 years later." damn it. The wife gives you have to eat. So Adam eats. Now you would think that's it, right? What did Hashem say? Don't eat from the tree. That's enough. That's already the sin. However, what does Hashem's Let's look look at the Tawa itself. What does it say over there? What does it say about Hashem's behavior? Let's say right now, for example, you told your son, Hashem, whoever doesn't have children say will have children. When you tell your son or your daughter, I don't want you to do something, right? For lack of a better example, the father tells his son, "I don't want you to play what's the gaming cup PlayStation." Okay, I don't want you to play this thing. And he comes home from work one day and he hears his son boom shooting people's head like that. He hears noises upstairs. What is the father going to do? He's going to run upstairs, bust down the door, take down the PlayStation, shouldn't be there anyways. Why is he going to make a story out of it? Adam eats from the tree. Where's Hashem? Hashem knows he ate from the tree. I know. Of course, he knows. Where's Hashem? How come he doesn't come and start making a rock? Hak making a noise. Hashem's already to be found. And then Torah tells us that Adam here's Hashem's presence going through the garden. They get frightened and what do they do? Hide. And Hashem says, "Where are you?" This is a father who's afraid. I mean, a father was upset. Where are you? What mean are you? You know where he is. You know what he did. Go get him. Where are you? Obviously, he's not upset. And then he gets over there. He's like playing a game. A father with his little son. >> Why you hiding? Oh, I'm naked. Who told you you're naked? He's playing a game with him. Until what point? Until says the words, "The woman you gave me." Hashem says, "This is how you appreciate the present that I give you." When does the Hashem decide a person? Before he's even born say there's a there's an angel called Malika that it takes and says what's going to be with it. One of the things it says is who's going to be his wife? All the places in the 40 days before but leon the daughter of so and so to him and him. Hashem already preddecided for you who your wife is going to be and choose your present. But Hashem says this is how you appreciate the present that I give you. This is how much you appreciate what I give you. And therefore, what's the what's the the curse of God? Yeah. From the sweat of your brow, you're going to go eat your food. Why? Cuz you don't know how to appreciate what I gave you. Go work hard to learn how to appreciate. The wife is a present that Hashem gave you. So, how could you have such a thing that a husband and wife could be married, but they don't have bite. He could be a good person. She could be a a good woman, but they don't have bite in the house. many cases. I was a few times in my life to work with couples that didn't have that by problems and to help them. Last night on Thursday and I left the sh right as soon as I got out of the show, I get a phone call. I'm sitting on the phone with the guy. Yeah, Rabbi, you don't know this that my wife and Yan and Yanim we're suffering. He tells me for seven years. We're married seven years with suffering. Like everything I try, everything I do, everything I try to make it work, it doesn't work. So he tells me, he tells me everything I do doesn't work. I said, "What did you try?" I went with a therapist to her. I went with this to her. I went with that to her. I said, "Why? Why is it not working?" He goes, "Look, I don't know why it's not working." I said, I said, "Sorry." I said, "Everything she wanted." Huh? I said all the right words, but it DIDN'T COME OUT. I don't know. I told him seven years you guys are arguing, right? He said, "Yeah." I said, "Did you ever look at your wife and say, "Honey, I'm 100% wrong. You're 100% right. There's no buts. There's no ends. There's no ifs. And there's no may. I don't know how I was so stupid until today to not realize that everything I did the last seven YEARS HOW TERRIBLE IT was cuz no I never said that. I said that's why it never works. That's why it never works. Because the reality is is that when they come to the argument, I can already tell he says the words, "But I provide for her." Honey, you're right. Maybe emotionally I'm not there for you as much as I should be, but I'm a good provider. You see the nice house. You have a nice car. You have a you have a clean lady come once a week. But you're in a good situation, brother. Why don't you appreciate me? I told her you make a mistake and you're making a mistake that 90% of men will make. There's three roles a husband plays in a marriage. What are the three roles? He's a provider. He's a father and he's a husband. What's the problem is they take all three of them, wrap them together into one and think if I'm a good provider, I'm a good husband. I told him, you can be a great father. You could be a good I'm a good father, good provider, but a terrible husband. Cuz being a husband doesn't mean that you provide or that you're there for the kids. It means that you're there for your wife. It means that you see her, you give to her, you take care of her. I told you guys in the past a guy came to me says rabbi I don't know I'm struggling I said you know I see he really buys a lot of expenses he goes out on his wife gives and like the says a person who honors his wife will become rich he gives a demotion he's not there I told I'm going to save you a lot of money he says why how am I going to save a lot of money I said I see your wife is wearing over here they came from Shalom I see she's wearing over here one of these what they call those clover with the diamonds van vans mushroom can the van cleafe can I see she's wearing over here the van cleiff necklace 45,000 50,000 all that how much you spent. I told her, "Look, I know you bought it for her on the anniversary if you remembered on the birthday if you remembered or maybe you bought a week after." I said, "Let me save you. Let me save you a few dollars." I told her, "How much you pay?" $30,000. I said, "I'm going to save you right now $29,998." How's it possible, Rabbi? I said on a Tuesday next week, random Tuesday. Pass by the bakery, see the muffin that your wife likes and buy it just because. Come home that day and say, "Honey, I was at work and I was thinking about you and I bought you this muffin. I bought you this bouquet." That bouquet in that muffin that you thought about it will be worth more to her than the Van Clee be worth than a 30,000 necklace. You know why? Cuz a woman doesn't want the action. She wants the heart behind it. You could be like a robot and always giving and doing whatever you want with the money and but the husband you're not there for your wife. So to be a good husband you have to understand that it also requires you not just to be a good provider and a good father also have to be a good husband. Care for your wife, take her out on dates, see her, see what she needs, help her he writes that he would give to the to go and lead them into their marriage. You know what he writes? Something unbelievable. He says the day that the husband asks himself what do I need for me and the wife ask herself what do I need for me they will never have shalom bite shalom bite comes when the husband says what can I do for my wife to make her life easier and the wife asks what can I do to my husband to make his life easier as long as they are always asking about each other they're going to be in a good situation but it requires them to look for each other but it's a two-way street. It cannot be a one-way street. But we have to understand that a man and a woman, they speak different frequencies. A man doesn't speak the same frequency as a woman. Right? What does that mean? A woman, she'll say, "What? You didn't see the guy the laundry? You didn't see the dishes? You didn't see these things?" And he'll say, "Honestly, no, I didn't. It's true. I walked by 100 other times. I didn't see it. You think I noticed these things? You think I walking by and I see the laundry basket? I think about, oh, I'm going to take it upstairs now." No. But a woman, what does her think? They think very differently. How does a man think? One problem at a time. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me deal one thing. Let's get to the next thing. How does she think? Whoa. Hey, come on. Okay, we'll deal with it. Go on, relax. 121 problems. His mind cannot process. He turns off. You know the computers back in the day. You know, that's the computer turned off. You right away one problem at a time. They talk two different frequencies. But they have to learn to understand that they're not the same. And only in that way can they have bite. I'm going to give you the biggest proof. Everyone over here already heard that husband and wife that they have when the shem's presence rest between them. That's when they have a happy marriage. Right? How do you know? Take the word ish and the word is right. I'm going to tell you something you didn't hear today. This one you heard, right? What's the common letters between ish and isha? What's the common letters? You have ish is what's the common letters between them? ish. The common denominator between them is two letters ish. What's not common between them? Y and so when they have between them they're and not fire. You ready for this? Is when become specifically when they bring the thing that's not common between them. How many times people get married say oh we have so many things in common. We like the same things. We want to go to the same places. Everything is beautiful and dandy. And then they get married. They're dating. They go to T golf. They go here. I told you 100 time. I can go to cop with a monkey and have more fun. Then we have had a great time together. Okay. So they marry the monkey. I would probably have a better time with a monkey and a few drinks. Me and the drunkie playing top golf. Have a better time. So marry the monkey. No. No. I had fun. So you had fun as a minister to your wife. This fun doesn't mean your husband the mid the character trait is what matters. But they have to understand it's not what's common between them that causes happiness in the marriage. It's what's uncommon between them. When he takes the youth and she brings the hay and they bring the things that uncommon between them and they work on those things that's when they have that's when they have happiness in the marriage. But it all stems from two things. From one, appreciating each other. Appreciating this person is the person that Hashem gave you. And there's going to be ups and there's going to be downs. There's going to be difficult times. But this is a reality of what Hashem wants in your life. I told you guys one time I went to stand to give a class. Guy tells me, "Rabbi, every time you come over here, it's always the wife is this, the wife's amazing, wife's great, the wife." It's always have to do the work. Huh? When is it going to be her turn? I said, "Come for the next." I said, "When is it going to be her turn?" And I said, I'll tell you the truth. The Torah doesn't say doesn't say it's not good for the woman to be alone. Says, not good for the man to be alone. And therefore, Hashem created him. And what does woman make in the morning, huh? The man says, and the woman say, oh, the man says, oh, you didn't create me a woman. Thank you, Hashem, to be a man. And the woman says thank you for making me according to your will says the what's the difference between them huh that he says thank you Hashem for giving me more responsibility why a woman is not obligated right a woman is not obligated in time bound mitzvot like for example how many times a day does a woman need to prayad once a day how many times a man have to pray a day three and how many times you're Muslim five have to one up us everything they do they want to up one up we throw five missiles they throw at least our 58 they're 10ians and you know no brains no worries long story short okay can three why a woman wants to pray one time a day so according to the simple understanding says that a woman she says look thank you I don't have the same level of mitzvah but the real answer right is that a woman is created on a higher level than the And how do you know? You're going to learn a woman when she gets pregnant and she has a son she's for seven days and then she sits on dam 3 days. How many days in total? 40. For a girl 14 plus 66. How many days? 80 days. It's double for a girl. Why? Why is it double the amount of time for a girl? Huh? Why is it double the amount of time for a girl? So when there's a void of holiness, the emptiness that it leaves behind according to the holiness is the tuma. For example, what's the highest level of tuma of impurity? Tumat. Why? Because the soul is such a high level that when the soul leaves the body, the body is so void of holiness, it becomes the most impure thing in the world. So the boy is only holy enough to impart 40 days of impurity. But the girl is so holy, she imparts double. A woman is created on a higher level and therefore it's not your job to fix her. It's her job to fix you. It's not your job to come and tell your wife you need to be a better wife this cuz then you're not going to have a happy marriage cuz one she's not going to listen and two you just kicking yourself in the foot. I always tell my when they get married I tell them don't tell your wife anything anything. Nothing. Why? Why can I tell don't tell nothing? Because I'll tell you why. The woman by nature to be a giver, right? Who's more nurturing, the man or the woman? Who carries a baby for 9 months? Huh? The man barely covers carries himself for 9 months. She's carrying the baby. He's he can barely carry himself. She's doing all the suffering. She has the nurturing by nature. So what? So by nature she's more nurturing than he is. So what comes out right that when it comes to being a giver who's a better giver? The wife. And what's the nature of the man? To be selfish. Why? Cuz whole life he's worried he's like a lone wolf. Right? When you're single you want to go out. Who do you have to ask? Huh? Maybe when you're 11 you have to ask your mother. But at 12 you already didn't ask anymore. You want to go out, you don't ask. You don't you don't check in with nobody. You want to eat, you eat. You want to drink, you drink. What do you think about all They only think about you say okay and when a man is alone but a man alone is not good. He has no blessing. He has no real happiness cuz real happiness is giving. Like we learned in the man in the past he writes that real happiness is only built on on connection and togetherness and therefore so long as the man is alone he'll never have real happiness cuz real happiness only comes when he has a person that he's given to so when he gives to his wife he love her more that's when you when a when he gives and he gives and he gives it creates more love between them but first things first he has to learn to be a giver no one taught him how to do these things he has to come and he has to learn he has to get involved to teach himself how to be a husband I almost I I believe and I'm say this with a sharp tongue 10 out of 10 men need to have katan classes not on the laws of nidan that's for sure I'm talking about how to be a husband how to be a husband how to talk to your wife how to appreciate all these things need to be implained in them because they are more selfish by nature so what's the nature of the man think about himself what's the nature of the woman to think about others so if the man gives to the wife something good what will she give him back only good everything you give the woman she makes She doubles it and makes it better and gives it back to you. You give her raw materials, if she cooks and she cooks good, she cooks you good food. You give her brick and mortar and she gives you a home. You give her z, she gives you children. Everything you give her, she makes it better. So if you're going to give her nonsense, she going to give you 10 times more nonsense. But if you're going to give her goodness, she's only going to give you more goodness. Her t has to be a giver. But it has to be mutual. It has to be both sides. I told you guys one time the story comes to say, "Rabbi, I'm suffering." He said, "Why?" My wife, he says, "I'm suffering, rabbi. I'm going through. I'm going to go to heaven. I'm going to be right away. One way ticket. I'm suffering." He says, "Okay, no problem. What do you want to do?" She says, "I want to get divorced." She said, "No problem. I'm going to prepare you to get, but if you're going to leave her now, she's going to feel happy. You got to really give it to her. Show what she's missing out on. For the next two weeks, I want you to be the best husband in the I want you to show her who you really are. Show her what she has to do. She's losing out. And in 2 weeks, I'm coming to the house. We're going to give her the guy and now it's going to really burn cuz you know, Rabbi, I like the way you think. You know what I'm going to do. I'm going to show her. I'm going to stick it to her. She think he's going to get me. I'm going to get her. And Ba. Comes home, buys flowers, cakes, y two weeks later, rabbi comes knocking on the door. The guy hears a knock on the door. He opens door to the rabbi. He says, "Oh, Rabbi, Rabbi, Rabbi, what? I'm here with the G. Don't say that word. Don't say that word. What happened? So my wife's inside. Rabbi, don't know. Last two weeks, everything's been so beautiful. She's been the best. She's been the greatest wife in the world. Rabbi, forget the get. Tear it up. Go back. Go back. I don't want Don't talk too loud. I don't want to hear. Rabbi opens up the suitcase. He shows it's empty. And where's the get? You think somebody's going to give you a get? I knew you're going to go two weeks. You're going to show her what a good idea. You're going to do what she needs you what you what she needs from you. Then she's going to be what you need from her. When you give her what she needs from you, she will give you what you need from her other way around. When we invest into each other, it's mutual. The payment is back, but it has to be a mutual investment. And people who are struggling sometimes, it's all about taking that first step. Right? I told this guy came to me last week. I said, "How come you didn't come to me seven years ago? How come you didn't come to me 5 years ago? Why did you wait until it became very bad? You would have came, you would have fixed no problem. And now it became much more difficult. So I told him, you know, the first thing I want you to do is I want you to go home. I want you to tell your wife, I'm sorry. I want you to tell your wife, I don't know how I could have been such a big idiot for the last seven years, and I didn't realize. And he told me, "Look, I don't rabbi. I'm not so sure she's going to want to come speak with the rabbi." I said, "Why?" She said, "Nah, she doesn't into this thing." This is what I want you to do. Tell her you're a big idiot. You're a and they just spend 45 hours, 45 minutes on the phone with the rabbi. I was just giving to you on the head. She's going to like that I was giving you to under the head. She's going to say, "Okay, he was basing you. I'm going to go see the rabbi." And I told him, I told one other guy, another katan that came to me. I said, "Just know the first class. You're going to come to an hour. I'm giving it to you on the head. Telling you're an idiot. You're a How'd you do it? One hour." So what happens? He comes him and his wife. One hour the rabbi is giving to him on the head. She's sitting over there. She's glowing. She's happy. It's not only me. So you see it's you and then she opens up. Then the conversation starts then change happens and 3 months later they're happily married. There was a story of a uncle who came to his uh niece's uh engagement. At the engagement he tells the daughter and the husband to be I want to tell you guys a story. So what's the story? He says there was a couple many many years ago they were on the brink of divorce. They went to many many different rabbis and almost every rabbi said you should get divorced but for some reason they didn't try to hold on to it. This woman every morning she would wake up her and her husband would wake up fire flames fighting in the house. I can't imagine. So what she would do she would go for walks in the morning try and cool down. That's what one of the rabbi told one of the rabbi told her in the morning she go for a walk. Every morning she was going for a walk. She would see this elderly woman walking to go pick up her husband from Shu. And then she watched this woman, her elderly woman, her husband walk back from shul wife, the wife is holding the karacha, the the talid bag and walking with her husband. And day after day, she sees this woman going to sh picking up her husband walking back. Now you can imagine she's fighting. What is this crazy? What is this? She couldn't hold herself back. She sees this woman in the grocery store one day, supermarket. Look, if you don't mind me asking, I see every morning you go with your husband, 7 o'clock in the morning, you're walking. Come on. And it's too much. What? Come on. He has to take care of you. What do you want after him? She goes, "Oh, you think that's it?" So, I wake up at 4:30 at 5:00, whatever time it is. I prepare him breakfast, a cup of tea, so when he wakes up in the morning, he's what to eat, and then I go pick up for him. She goes, "Are you crazy, Dad?" So, what are you doing all this for? She goes, "What do you mean? He's my husband." Those words ring in her mind. What do you mean? He's my husband. And she understood that I do this because this is the person that I married and I wanted to be happy. She said to herself, you know what? I'm going to come home. I want to try. She went home that day. She started changing, started doing more. And lo and behold, she found her husband and started doing the same. The uncle tells his niece, "I want you to know this story took place 10 years ago. And the two people that were on the brink of divorce were your parents. And now you see them over here happily married. So the message I'm going to tell you guys in the day that you're about soon you're going to get married is what is that? Always look out for each other. Always be there for each other. If you're looking to be for him and she's looking to do for for you, I mean he's looking to do for her and she's looking to do for him, then they'll be happily married. But it's when you take the opposite, the thing that's not common between you guys and you put them together, that's when you have is when you bring the uncommon and you make that work and you bring it together, that's when it is. And it all comes in appreciation, understanding that you guys are each other's present and Hashem created you in the world with this purpose. I finished with this story. There was a guy, now I'm not saying that I said this is what he said. He was sitting down one time with with me, my mother and uh he says to my mom, I'm sitting over there. Wow, you don't know. I got divorced my first wife. She was a nightmare. Ashkinaz, you know, now I married a Moroccan woman. I'm in Ganed and I'm so happy. I said mom. Why are you making me now? Now, what he didn't tell my mom and I found out later was that when he was married to his other wife that he complained so much about, he was in charge of one of the biggest jewels in Brooklyn. He had maybe hundreds of people coming every single week and he probably in the span of the years that he was married with her, influenced thousands of people. And now that he's married to his comfortable wife, does he do it? No more. You know why? Because when a person looks for comfortability in one area of his life, it will seep over to other areas in his life. Hashem created for him that wife because she was the perfect one for him. But he chose to ran away. He ran away from the responsibility and he thinks I'm I'm living good. I'm living lavish but doesn't realize that it's not true cuz the true essence of what a person is is. And if he's not doing his purpose in the world then what is he here for the bis of Mary the one time came to him and they said over the story a woman came to her husband became a rabbi and started giving sharim. It was very difficult for her. So she came to the rabbi say rabb what should I do now I'm going tell you what he says very sharp talk but we understand the purpose behind it he tells her don't play with your life she comes to complain to about her husband he tells her don't play with your life play with my life which are talking about everyone in the world comes here with a purpose everyone in the world comes here with a purpose he has a purpose and you have a purpose your purpose is helping people yes difficult I'll speak to him we'll figure out a solution But don't try and run away from the difficulty. Cuz in life, if you look for comfortability, it'll never take you to the right places. Cuz being a religious Jew is not easy. It takes hard work, right? Like we spoke last week, you guys didn't hear the class on Thursday, but if you heard, if you go listen on YouTube, you'll hear the he brings in that a person who should come who inspires his heart. says, "How could a Jew who was building uh pyramids in Egypt, his hands were tough, how could he come now and start cutting gems?" He says, "You see that they wanted to do it. Their heart drove them to do it. They reached a place they wanted it so bad that Hashem gave them the wisdom." Right? Hashem says that in the heart of every person who live the wise of heart, Hashem gave This is the pursuit says and everyone who was wise of heart I gave wisdom they had to want it and then Hashem gave him the wisdom says on this look at the power of an attribute that in English means a person who's a doer initiator has initiative he goes and he does he's not afraid a person who has this attribute he'll always rise up on the mountain he'll always grow he'll always be better but he cannot run away from adversity he has to be a person who takes adversity and runs it head on like writes In working Hashem, you have to be stubborn. Like what? What's the most stubborn animal in the world? Huh? >> Donkey. Is a compliment to call someone a donkey. Would you like if someone called you a donkey between me and you? Huh? Oh, my husband is the best. He's a donkey. Number one in the world. Huh? What does he give? What? This is a blessing. He's the one learning to explain he was a he was a donkey and learning to he was stubborn like a donkey for Hashem of a person has to be stubborn when it comes to because if not life will throw him difficulty and he'll never grow. And on this point there was a mash. It's a very famous mash of a guy who was a farmer. He comes out one day and he finds that his donkey that he used to work was in a ditch. He tries very hard to pull the donkey out of the ditch. The donkey is very very heavy. There's no way he can get him out. So what does he do? He decides, look, the donkeyy's suffering over there in the hole. I'm not going to let him starve out starve to the death. I'm going to bury him alive. Now I'm not saying it's mut. But he says, I want to bury him alive. Starts digging and digging and digging and then he looks up. After he finishes digging, he finds a donkey standing next to him. What kind of magical donkey is this? I want to be a millionaire. You pray? I didn't get at all. What I didn't realize, every time he was throwing dirt on the donkey's back, the donkey was shaking it off, stepping on it, going up a level until he eventually made it to the exactly back to where he was. So this is a mash, a person in his life. Life will always throw difficulty at you, will give you reasons not to, right? How many people in the world want to get more religious, right? Oh, I can't wear keep outside. Why? Oh, what are they going to say about me? Or a girl wants to dress more modestly. Oh, my friends, what are they going to say? My mom's what you going to say? My aunts, what you going to say? Oh my co-workers, what are they going to say? I know somebody personally, she got married. She was trying her best to watch. She put on a hair cover and one time went to work. She works in a public school, nonju. Right away she walked in everyone to school. Whoa, look who came in now. Look who came in now. All the comments in the world. She came home that day. She couldn't handle it. She came, she couldn't handle it. Why? Because the difficulty from outside. In life, you have one of two options. You can either be like the donkey and brush off the difficulty and continue to grow in your life or you can let it bury you alive cuz spiritually a person needs to grow and in order for him to grow you think the doesn't give you backlash when you want to grow the first thing he wants is to bring you down. He's the biggest enemy in the world. He wants to bring you down. So whenever you see he sees an opportunity to bring you down, he will and he'll use everyone outside in the world to do it. You want to do something good in your life, you want to go tell you, right? Oh rabbi, I know my friend called me. There's an engagement of an engagement of every excuse in the book I give you. You know, my mom called me, my aunt, my sister, my brother. One guy told me this, I can't come. My wife, oh, my sister's coming from the airport. Oh, she's coming. No, she's coming in the morning. But then afterwards, we have to go. If you want to come, you're gonna come. But certain people, they see difficulties. They let her bury them. But they don't grow. But in life, we have to be like a we have to be like stubborn person. Very, very stubborn. What does it mean? Someone throws dirt on you, shake it off, step on it, and go up, grow, reach the next level. So, everything in life, nothing worthwhile is easy doing. Everything in life you that that's worthwhile, you have to work for it. You have to put in the work. And it's not going to be easy. And so, you want to grow, want to be a better Jew, you want to learn more, you want to do more, will give you a million excuses. You can either let it bury you alive or you can shake it off, step on it and level up and go to the next level. And that's the ass also in marriage, also in everything in life. Difficulty will be there always. But if you run away from the difficulty, if you run away from it, then you're never going to grow. But if you deal with it, face it on, shake it off, you'll always keep on growing. So with everything in life and we should all take this lesson, instill it into our lives. Do what we must do for ourselves to grow. All the difficulty that comes our way, we'll brush it off, step on it, level up. And the most important is to understand to always appreciate. Everything you have in life is from and appreciate everything he's given you. If we do that will be to bring