Rabbi Gavriel Friedman | Tisha B'Av | CHAZAQ

okay first and foremost the she is is as well as DAV dor hope I expelled said that right that's Mr David chatz of Cherry Hill New Jersey thank you to the andak and to time I'm gladly so okay is there anyone in there and if yes can you hear me I just don't okay if you can hear me go home and watch online apparently okay there's uh there's a there's one particular idea which I always found a little bit interest not always but when I notice it I noticed to be a little bit interesting and that is throughout just not just the kin but actually the whole saer of a itself is a bit seemingly a bit of a challenge and it's a challenge of how how could this be how could it be and if you look in K it goes one after the next where it speaks out the idea about how is it that you rushed in your Fury to go and Destroy and how did you go and give rebuke and how is it that you PL your thoughts even though we're so good there's so many good things that are going on over here could you not remember the you realize what did and how do you not remember about the when going through their way how do you not remember all of the of ouri and how they accepted the Torah how could you do it so the question that uh that kind of struck me very strongly and I actually challenge everyone to do this the word is challenge or ask I think too to look into and understand what are the kenos saying what exactly is the point to them what are we trying to accomplish by them and there's a lot of Hebrew that's a lot of very hard to understand but look at the English and try to understand what exctly is going on so this one is we're saying how how hasem could you have done this I mean look at all the good so firstly if you'd ask me straight up I'll just quote a title from from a book of Kaplan fire Kaplan if you were God I'm using that so if I was God and someone asked me how could you do that what's the answer the answer is very pent what well I'm God that but but the question of how is a question of why it's a question of what's going on I mean how could you do it what's the answer P it you didn't follow the Torah you didn't do what you're supposed to do we had we had all the different s of answers as for why we're in Gus right now so what exactly is your question that's number one answer is posha we know the answer number two are we really challenging Hashem how do we have such what's you know the audacity to go into challenge for that which he decides to do the gar tells us that if somebody goes through a challenging time that we're meant to be seemingly understood that if you're not then it doesn't fulfill its Mission there you and there's a reason why we have you certain there's a reason why we go through challenges could be AAP person is not so then it's possible that it's actually not a kapar so then the famous question a lot of bad things happen Etc the answer is for nothing well there was a reason but if you're not then it's for nothing the gar tells us famously also much later on first I'm tell he but much later on the says in I believe it is didn't look recently but goes and says that right just like we no maybe it's yeah no I think it's both think anyway so it goes just like when good things happen so when bad things happen but it's not true there a different but the gar itself says what does it mean who's saying so the purpose of this discussion is not to get into what SIM is but if we understood what SIM was then maybe we wouldn't have the same question Sim doesn't mean necessarily that a person is smiling and laughing let's be clear Sim is an understanding that this is the way that it's meant to be so a person who goes and experiences something challenging we say is by the way incidentally it doesn't have to mean death it's usually that's just the end of it all and the concept of doesn't enough to be on birth although we said that also boy girl but say where do we see that a person might say even every week where do we find it wine someone's going and they're at the shabas table and they're drinking wine and someone brings a nicer wine more expensive wine you see the and what does it mean means you experience something which is not a positive thing you didn't get the job do have to just be on death but it's meant to be said so we have two different things we have we have so now we have at least not just K but K just says it over and over where it goes and says how could it be did this and you didn't remember all the good things how could you do this and then you remember K right so so the question here is hold on second we just finished off the saying that we have to go and here we are challenging The Who Do You Think You Are G to go chall's will and his and his Direction like H How could a person what's going on over here now I'll tell you I I didn't think about this question until M last night when I was looking over the things to prepare what I'm going to say I've been through a couple tisho and I've said these words and I said it in English I say almost everything in English I do some of them in Hebrew if like it says Hashem you know but other than that I'm going straight up English because I have no idea what these words mean if you do I'm very happy for you but I don't so I'm doing it in English I never pick up with this question or we're challenging Hashem I'll even bring it a little bit a little bit more home there was a terrible tragedy that happened in K Yakov less than two months ago zahavi family where ad zahav lost her life while saving her children and I was by theim and I know that that also by the levah her husband spoke out the idea of he said the following words he said I don't challenge Hashem I don't question Hashem I'm a Broken Man my wife passed away wife is no longer here but I'm not uh I don't question I'm not challenging which I think is a huge huge statement it's one thing a person says it by by the levah right where everything is like very fast even by Shiva but we your time to think about it contemplate it think it through and still say that sentence reminiscent of and he's being sent to go take and go bring him bring him up as an Ola as far as he understood that means to go and kill his own son and what happens how long does it take till it happens a few days he says I'm in so in love do I'm in I'll do it I am so in I'm ready let's go no no no wait wait wait a day okay okay travs where am I going just go okay so he's traveling travels a day he travels two days travels three days you don't think that we would start over rethinking this a little bit okay maybe I was too quick and that you know you know we always want to be helpful so someone says can you help me with something like I'll help and then you're like wait a minute why I say that that entails actually doing something so now but he stayed with it stayed strong at the very end of the whole over there what happens don't send your hand forth and don't do anything to why what's the L what's the double why and don't do anything what does that mean just don't do anything don't don't send forth your hand to sh your kid why is he saying don't do anything the medress fills in the details because what did a say when the comes and he says don't kill your son you go but can I cut him can I at least like wound him that sounds a little strange and a little off but if we understood it would be us assuming loved our children and that is that we were told go kill your son so we get hold up to such a challenge and then has says you know what don't do it I imagine our respon like that was close thank you I don't have to do it A's response is very different don't do it when you say it you mean don't do anything or do you mean just don't kill him is there something else you want wanted me to do in other words I'm here to whatever it is that you want me to be doing I'll do he doesn't go to the opposite and give up he's like he's still with it straight up no problem over a few days of thinking about it and processing it and still willing to go through with it after 30 days of thinking about it at the SCH he should say I have no questions I have no challenges I don't know what the answer is I don't understand what you did I don't get it I'm in pain but but I don't challenge you Ron finer for those who are familiar married for a year with no children and then five years with no children and then a decade 10 years no children and then finally after 13 years he has a baby and unfortunately the baby's born with an issue today you son I'm from I don't know exact I don't know forgive me I don't know maybe 17 18 years old wheelchair needing support constantly and he came to speak in is used to be aab in isor he came to speak in is tor and he got up and he said my wife and I have no ESS on the we don't have no we have no challenges it's you know it's a hard situation but we accept whatever is that hm hm knows much more than we do powerful idea that the gar tells us we're supposed to do that we're supposed to be on such a level and then P we come on we're like how could you AEM don't you see the good How Could You Hashem don't you understand that what we Dida and all that jazz back and forth so how do we understand the challenge that's going on how how does this make any sense so perhaps we could say the following I was last night speaking with a friend of mine California if you saw much aski and uh St we were talking about the about Tish and he shared with me the following idea which wasn't I don't I'm not sure why he shade it with me I think because he was doing it but but it wasn't something that I asked or whatever but I think it's a beautiful answer to our question here the is [Music] found 1916 that we know that eloa Navi was the na'vi and the navi's job let's it be clear about what the job of the navi is the job of the navi is that by the way is this supposed to be moving it's not moving at all I don't know if it's supposed to be moving or not look at the numbers start over should I start from the beginning thank you all for coming the job of the Novi so I have to remember it's not that anymore it's something else the job of the Nai is what what's the purpose of the job of the Nai job of the navi is that at least a Nai of there could be other people that are but but they're not a Nai what's the difference between a Nai and a navi whether you're given the job to tell it over M speaks out I'm better than them they're better than me anyway so the job of the Nai is that hasem comes and tells the tell clo that you're messed up you're messing up you got to do better right that's basically the job just to sum up all of na'vi in a nutshell na'vi comes and says CL you're messing up then they say okay they say you better shape up or else and they say whatever and then they get to what else and they say we're so sorry can you forgive us and hasem says all right I forgive you reset I just saved you a couple of years that's Nai so the job of the Nai is to go ahead and to speak out the CLI so the things that they're doing wrong and to point that out and to wake up and do something good and we find something interesting eloa Nai loses his job as Navi anyone who ever made a bris will probably be familiar with this on some level because this is classic bris Torah Leo comes to every bris where does that come from how come what happen says I got to get a new Nai now is telling hasem the things that are doing that not okay andem says I got to get someone new says rash since you are now speaking in a prosecutive manner about my people I don't want you n Vu anymore we what do you want from me who say I'm the N this is my job like my job is to go ahead and to give rebuke and to speak out they're doing something wrong hasem basically tells them that's not your job your job is to say what I tell you to them and then you know what your job is to come to me and do what your job is to tell them what they're doing wrong and to come to me and tell me what they're doing right your job as a noi is to tell me what they're doing right where do we find this we find this by the Theon says about it's over m is still at our like leave and then do it you know what I'm saying what are you doing right now right in front of me so he says to to MOS that's it we're going to finish him off let's start the let's reset Moshe let go of me and let me go ahead and destroy the Jewish people I'm G to start over that if you would be the Nai you're mosu and Hashem says just just leave me alone that's what we're going to do we're going to destroy them and then we'll start over what would you do is the Nai Hashem okay Hashem all right you're the na'vi you're AEM you know no hasem I will now argue with you on what you just said Moshe starts to argue where did Moshe get the audacity to argue with Hashem and to challenge Hashem we know hashem's right we could we could all agree on that hem is correct so where would M to come and argue with Hashem well guess where mosha got it from you got from Hashem because Hashem dropped a big hint he said to him Moshe let go of me let me destroy them and we'll start over so mosa is standing there thinking let go of me what am I holding on to you what am I like holding you back you know the person gets into argue with someone they go hold me back you know like hold me back and everyone's like bro we're not holding you back you're not going to do anything anyway right Hashem essentially says to mosu let go of me let me at him moshe's like let go of you I wasn't holding on to you what are you talking about and Hashem goes Moshe let go leave me alone don't stop me which is basically hint hint hint Moshe stop me fight so m is like oh don't do it and not only that if you do it get rid of me also I don't want nothing to do with this get rid of me also you're getting rid of clo get rid of me too pretty powerful MOS was fighting for clo he fighting for cl who you're fighting against hm himself what are we crazy fighting against Hashem it is not if Hashem wants us to do it the job of the navi is to give the mus to that hasem wants but then to go back to hasm and say no no they're really good they're really good let's find that let's find the good possibly one of the most famous pieces in is the to find the good piece the good part the small point to quote y card quoting to try to find something which is really good and it goes further to say we have to do it for ourselves also sometimes we feel we messed up we're bad there's nothing good you got to look deep look deep there's something good the nuda that part which is and the word the theas calls it the jug of oil by Kaneka others called the pin untouched totally pure so precious so clean got to look at you got to find it where else do we find someone who does that or more accurately someone who will do it the gamar shabas speaks out well before we get to the gar chabis rakov kamki asks a question and he speaks out that all the AOS were challenged in their particular Mida so hisid was the so what's the biggest test got according to most we sh him is the opposite it's literally the opposite of go and kill your own son challenges AEM challenges ab and says are you willing to go ahead and serve me even in an area which is the literal opposite of your existence and a passes the test I'm in clearly not the easy thing but I'm in we'll skip go to yov yov is as emov the man of Truth yet he has to go ahead and say outright straight up seemingly nontruth so it says mother who's a n tell him to do something what do you mean but that's not true okay are you willing to do it do you tell the truth because I want you to do it says hashm or do you tell the truth because you're just on a truth streak no he says I tell the truth because that's what you want from me if you want me to say something seems not like that whatever you want what's anyway [Music] like we said means you're the truthful judge you say he's true and that's it thear Shas says that there's going to be a judgment on in the future the end of days is going to be a judgment against us and we're going to lose and right before the gavel hits you know right before it's over comes busting through the doors and says hold on one second you're order your majesty I have what to say so we all know you say he's he's say your your honor abish tati father Hashem just wanted to let you know you're right have a great day that's what you would expect but what his reaction's reaction is hold on one second can we just do a little math how long does a person live but how long does a person live 70 years Hashem what are you going you're going to judge a Jewish people for 70 years I don't think that's okay because we know that a third of their life eight hours a day they're sleeping you can't hold them responsible for sleeping so really it's like 40 couple 40 some odd years 43 and a third years and of those 40 years I mean they're they're eating they're using the bathroom they're walking they doing things that are fine to do how much is left already they're learning Torah doing mitzah see you want to say that there's like I don't know I remember the exact number 10 years 20 years left 10 you take 10 I take let's call it a day let them off talk says that's the test is going to have and that's what is going to do but whatever happened to the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth what happened to the den the answer is this is what hasem wants fight for cl the way that I heard it may have been if it's not I forgive me and whoever it is that when it comes to our own challenges in life we're meant to be working on ourselves to get to a level or whatever it is you got item but when it comes to other people's challenges in life we're meant to question and ask and challenge by our own life B by someone else be a you don't go to someone who's in mour and say we don't do such a thing what do we do we say how could this Happ I don't know how could it be we go to a sh house we go to L and we say when it's ourselves what is the person who's going through that challenge do they say but for someone else K comes and says how could it be how could you rush and Destroy them give them over to Edom how could you not remember the bris you chose those who you tested how could it be that you can give them over to be destroyed and not remember all of their Gatherings how could you abandon the and not remember therefore we we go out and we cry out and we moan and we ask and we say remember Hashem remember what happened to us more importantly remember who we were let's look for the good things when eloi goes and speaks negative about says you're done get me another Navi how does that apply to us now applies to us now in terms of every one of us has to be this not Kor but sanor the defendant see what can I do to help someone and look at them in another light how could it be can I find something which is good how could you do that AEM look at the good things that they had that's how we can so to speak challenge Hashem here because this is it's not for us speaking about K talking about somebody else and to make that real to take it home for us to take a look and see try to find the good in people try to judge them favorably there's a which I I think I remember seeing in two places and in I think says about was walking with his T and they came across a dead donkey a dead carcass and the tum said what a disgusting smell that's coming from the donkey and the and and that's a said and the rabbi said the said yeah but look how white its teeth are I said this in a class maybe 15 years ago my mother was there she goes what kind of ridiculous story did you just tell that beautiful lesson white teeth and a dead donkey what are you doing I said you're right but the question is what are we looking at are we looking at what's obvious in front of us and smelly and big and disgusting are we looking a little deeper try to find that small beautiful white pristine clean pure P that's there and it doesn't exonerate it doesn't mean everyone that they're okay their behavior is fine but it does mean the way in which we approach him is going to be very different and sometimes you look at a person and you think they're a certain way I'm going to judge them favorably come on let's be real here this person is not a good person this person not you know what I'm saying what does not a good person mean some they're not like me you know KF would often speak out I heard him say many times left said what does the word from mean from Fu M the U is you you you are the U then there's everyone on one side is f every on the other side is M everyone on one side is fanatically religious and on the other side is m is modern but you're perfect that's from the problem is when you shift what happens when you become more modern or you become more from oh everyone else shifts with you you know okay that guy is not modern that guy's fanatically religious and it was not like us or maybe we work in the Torah itself I me there's certain people that behave in ways that are not okay they're considered maybe Russ but we have to think a little deeper look at that is that true or they really called the Russia were they given to did they understand what was told to them did they really get it and if not then they're not called the Russia she do an amazing Kish amazing I I I didn't look at this recently I think it's the gar there is one of the sages lamenting there's no one nowadays who knows how to accept to responds one or the other tan I believe it was and says what do you mean no one knows had accept it there's no one today who knows how to give it says based off this get ready there is a to love every Jew even if they are a Russia says the you know whatever you doing with your matzas also recognize the fact you to Love Russ what says look at the that's only someone who was given and they rejected it anyway but we don't have any knows how to give anymore so they never got a chance to give have been doing CH from the therefore they're not in the category of R have to love them that crazy that's unbelievable you look at someone you think there's such a if you really knew who they were there's some people maybe they're not beingz they're not really in the game doing everything we expect them to be doing but maybe they're bigger than you think this past year I went down with the RO of JK they uh there was a a mission that they went a lot of Asia Tor people mam from around the world came toel and they went to different places with with of recits went to the Nova festival and they went to uh not the festival but to the location they went to stot a d bunch of places and I went I went with them and the reason I went and I'm be very clear I'm incredibly anti people doing this I think watching the video and seeing all the catastrophes are just bad for your soul I I don't understand the Tois I think the world should see it I think it's important for the world to understand what's going on even though it's kind of irrelevant because the world's upside down so it's kind of doesn't really matter anymore but looking at these things is not good for us so why did I go because first of all when you go to the Nova there's nothing really there there nothing it's just a field some memorials basically but the reason I went is because I wanted to what Robos was going to say I wanted I wanted to hear how he's going to respond to it there any event when we were there by Nova there was a mother of one of theim there there was a mother and there was another woman there sound a lot better if I knew the names I forgot the names there was there was another woman there Powerhouse mes Israeli woman I think already for over 10 10 years he been going to different places different different places and trying to be my people BR close to and when we were by NOA this m was there and this mother the M told a story about there's a lot of his that happened since October 7th a lot of people are trying to come closer to the roots get closer to the yish guy and this m got a phone call from a mother of a of a girl who's kidnapped and she got a phone call she said my name is so and so I'm not religious I don't even know how to do this but I want to keep chabas can you help me can you help me keep shabas so let's just pause the story right now totally secular never done shabus in her life life how would we look at this woman before that she's off she's not connected like could a defend her and look at her positive it's terrible she's going through a tragedy a terrible terrible tragedy and one of the thoughts she has is let me keep shabus that means that there's something deeper than maybe we expected so she says I want to keep shabas can you help me it's around 1:00 in the afternoon on a Friday afternoon the M she has nothing to give her but this woman says I don't know how to keep it but I'm willing to do the whole thing what do I have to do what do I need do you can you help me she says of course you have what I need I have everything you need don't worry I'll come over I'll bring you everything she had nothing but she said I have everything she gets up the she starts calling around this friend make this one make cake this one make CH this one make just make sure we have everything one of everything she calls up a place I need platas I need cumcum I need I need I need tablecloths I need everything she calls up an organization that has to doing this what do you have what do you need I need everything just give me everything and then she calls up the mother of the kidnapped boy who I who we met at the actual Nova the two of them were there she told the story said I need you to come with me because you have a son who's who's kidnapped she has a daughter kidnapped you'll be able to relate to her what who am I just a stranger coming in so she comes with her and they go to This Woman's house and they bring the platter and the Kum and the cutlery and the tablecloth and the kala and the soup and the chant and the fish and the Moroccan fish and the Gila fish and whatever it is and and the cake and the cookies and everything show her how to use the Plata and the everything she she she's be she's no words she's overwhelmed but say shabis spis sees on the news that this woman's daughter who is held in captivity the IDF found her body she was killed they found her body try to put yourself in the place of this mikis what do you do now can you imagine this woman said let me try this spirituality thing and as soon as she tries it she finds out and hears her daughter's dead I don't know what you think the reaction is going to be but I'd be very nervous for the reaction to be forget this whole thing it's not real there's nothing what is this ridiculous so she is very nervous she knows she has to go be she pulls herself she calls the her new friend the mother of the and says I I need you to come with me she says okay and they go when they walk into the Shiva not knowing what to expect the mother sees them their hearts are pounding like I don't know how this is going to end she stands up and starts walking towards them they don't know what to do so they just they Embrace they give her hug and then she goes can't believe it if never kept shabas in my life I keep shabus out for the first time ever and because of that I was Z to have my daughter go to a k is as what a merit I I can't even believe it tell me something you see a secular woman walking down the street secular and walking down the street you think that's what's going through their mind what a that my daughter who was murdered but because of the Merit of shabas I get to bury her you got to look a little deeper there's something good here we have no idea who these people people are we don't know what people have been through everyone here right now has going through something everybody health relationship children whatever it may be Finance if only I would have known they're going through that I would have dealt with them a little differently well let me let you know a secret everybody's going through something all the time time got to be looking for the positive with us we can be trust in we're in but for someone else to be M for someone else their challenges and their struggles no we're meant to be a kof we meant to say how could this be come on AEM find the good tell you one more mice so then we'll wrap it up with an idea I heard the story about R May gold May Gold sha in America comes toel relatively often I think maybe once a month even and although he lives in he's Israeli so mamalin is Hebrew he comes here once a month and goes to to different communities and he shares the Torah for the whole shabas he'll arrive Friday and leave shabas come just I think it's every month used to be every month and it'll speak like 16 times go from sh to school to sh to sh to she to this to whatever I believe it was in Arad and the the the r was taking him around in his car showing him this is our school this is our Mikvah this is our library this is the Bas medas this is the the Sho this is whatever and it's Arab shabas they're going around they're making their way back to the RV's home as they're making the way back to the R's home they get pulled over by the police they know they did nothing wrong a little strange trying to figure out what's going on and the uh the ravier is like they know my car that I don't know what's going on over here secular Israeli woman who is dressed apart whatever that means by your mind she's dressed apart she's making her way towards the car he opens the door is there a problem she says honorable Rabbi I noticed your car and it's almost Shabbat I have a question in and I need to know before can you tell me if this is okay or not okay I've gold this watch is you look at this person you think they're to off and they pull over the rough to ask who would have thought such a thing you never know who someone is we have to be looking to judge people in a positive way find the good and that's perhaps why we could say that this K is how could you because our job is to turn to Theon and sayem how could you do this what happens to us m Howen someone else How Could You Hashem remember the good look for the good look for the good look for the good hasem you're the one who said that El can't be he can't be the N of because of the behavior like this hem come on let's look for the good over here what's going on there many many more M to go through this type of idea maybe if it's not just that but people are going through hard things let's take a look and see perhaps there's something that we're missing and I saw a message going around that said as follows the was destroyed because of if you see that there's a fellow Jew who's putting on his tan right by Min bro it's like right by Sunset now you're putting on your filling and he's even wearing Crocs he doesn't greet you he doesn't even smile at you the guy didn't learn the whole day give him the for the down maybe it's Tisha for him maybe he's going through a maybe he didn't eat the whole day maybe if you look it like that it would change the entirety of what we're going through right now end with this idea the gar says a we not get a m until we have a door that's K Zak we either totally Z totally pure we're totally K we're in the we're in the worst of the worst I hate to be the bear of bad news here but I it's isn't looking too good because that's the Battle of am has always been we got people doing this people doing that the good the bad the ugly how are we going to get this however maybe if we would take this idea of K and looking for the positive recognizing the job of the Novi is to play this sword bring the and they go back to and say destroy me with them maybe if we were to go ahead and start looking at people if we collectively were done we would have a door [Music] that's because we're looking at everyone's [Music] so how do we get out of this let's try to be like we understood will beu was the rebuke that got for ourselves we M but for someone else we have to be crying to sh how could you do this to them let's find the good recognize the idea that there are some people that may look like rash they really are sadik powerful powerful idea not the easiest thing it's big challenge the of hoodner of hutner says the key to living a Happy Life Is Knowing done the judge people judge people positively our feelings all coming from a negative interaction of sorts judge it in a positive light your life will be better look at other people in that light the life will also be better better in turn ours will be as wellem only with hashem's help if you take just a little bit of time to think the next time we we're feeling a negativity towards somebody to stop in process could it be that it's a Tiss for them and that's why they're behaving are they're behaving and or maybe they're a lot better than we think and if we realize who they were we wouldn't look at them the same way that doesn't mean everything's okay and good but it does mean that our gisha po very different that will bring together this a real Unity real love a real able to have the and we should