"My Life After Death Experience" with Alon Anava

that beard he has was not always there you'll hear the story I've heard it quite a few times it's unbelievable whoever wants to have the rabbi come to his community we already had him in bet gavriel in Faris HS we've had him in sh TOA and Q Gardens this is the first time he's here in briwood if anyone has any other communities whether it's Jamaica States whether it's Hill Crest whether it's Fresh Meadows whether it's uh Great Neck whatever it is please let us know we'll be more than happy to organize the event as you'll hear the story is just so insan spiring I'm warning you there should be like a warning warning you know before listening to to his lecture that uh you might change your life so uh so fasten those seat belts and uh get ready to hear an amazing Story by Alona ABA so I guess without further Ado it is my pleasure my honor my privilege to call upon him once he finishes to organize his uh video to come and tell us his inspiring story unbelievable story any questions everything is clear language engl the lecture is going to be in English yes English good the radio the interet big H this is yours mhm I'm sorry no is your pen no sure yeah I have extra one that's fine thanks no no I don't need thanks stand oh whatever you want sitting is better sitting is better please this on me yeah okay where do you need it here here good okay see just mentioned okay and who his name okay okay first of all I'm here when there's a big big big K to do the will do anything he can to stop it so I had five things on the way to stop me so must be that tonight is going to be big k and a big Mitzvah because the doesn't like when a bunch of Jews get together and something good is going to come out of it so like AB Ain went to put to sacrifice his son the Satan put a river put a mountain put so many things to stop him so I'm here so first of all the night will be and whoever needs should have whoever needs should have and everything should be so with your permission I'm going to do a quick introduction my name is Alona NAA and since we're starting very late then I'm going to get straight to the point so my name is Alona NAA and I grew up in ER Isel and I grew up the most not religious you can imagine that's how I grew up I grew up hating Hashem I grew up hating religion I grew up hating everything that has to do with and I was taught that it's not true that it's nothing there that it's all stories and for 28 years they grew up not only not believing but rather on the on the other way completely Des spiting when somebody's religious he can so I was if would come to my hand I would do it on purpose but Hashem had different plans and 20 when I was 28 13 years ago I had what's called a near-death experience I died for a couple minutes and that's what you're going to hear tonight so how I got there is less important I like to always start with the with the before after come if you can't take it and pass it around just that you'll have a picture in your mind where I came from and how I started but for 28 years I grew up completely with no connection to God and on a very special day first of all it was Shabbat but more than that it was udal Nissan udal Nissan is the morning of PES it's the day that we burn the K it's the time when we finish cleaning the house getting ready for PES so the whole thing happened on a Shabbat and on udal Nissan and when I was a kid and when they taught me about PES they told me yeah you know the Jews were in MIT and they were working very hard and then came this guy with a long beard Mo and he did some Hocus Pocus and he got all the Jews out and uh you know they told me a story but the story behind is that the Jews were in Egypt in slavery they could not be a religiously free and that day udal Nissan is when they left they broke out from aut From Slavery into spiritual Freedom which this is the day that marks for Generations that this is the day that has the most for somebody to break free from spiritual bondage spiritual slavery and live for but spiritual H freedom now the story 28 years is less important before we start a few very important things is that the story is very long and I'm mainly going to share with you the actual experience later on we're going to have time for questions and answers you might have a lot of questions try to keep it to the end because it's a very big crowd and might be that some people don't want to hear everybody's little question half the questions will be answered as I speak and whatever was not answered later on you can ask me whatever you want but for the cavod of the for the kahal for the people don't start every second asking a questions because it's going to disturb the the the lecture I promise you later on you can ask me whatever you want I don't know what time they're going to throw us out of here but till they throw us out of here you can interrogate me and the thing is that everything that I'm about to tell you is how I remember it exactly how it happened it's engraved In My Memory like as if it happened this morning morning but since it's so far removed from what we know then I use my own words to describe it and it's almost like a dream that a person has a very powerful dream he wakes up in the morning he remembers every detail of the dream then he wakes up in the morning he wants to tell the dream and he can't he can't explain it he remembers every perfect detail and the only way to kind of describe how I can't explain it is it's almost like explaining trying to describe to a person who was born blind how the color blue looks and he tells you but I'm I never saw anything yeah you know blue is like green yeah but I was born blind so it's like the sky it's like the ocean a person who was born blind never saw anything cannot imagine what you see so everything that I saw it's not something that we have here in this world that I can say oh it looks like this so I use my own imagination to explain it as as accurate as possible so don't take every little word that I say and and distort it and the most important thing to remember is try to get into the mind frame of how I'm how I'm experiencing it so going back 13 years ago shabas Shabbat in the morning youal Nissan everybody's getting ready for PES burning their and I'm in Manhattan in a party and this side already saw the picture so they kind of know what kind of a party but soon the picture will continue going and you'll the rest will know just if you can't give me back the picture cuz sometimes I go to lectures somebody go walks out with a picture and I running out of pictures already there's pictures online you go you can find but believe it or not I go sometimes places I asked where's the pictures at the end oh no somebody took it for a meor a memory for souvenir so I was in Manhattan in a party and somewhere in the middle in the in the morning of the party somebody was passing around from the from all the friends like a smoking device would you use to smoke drugs and I didn't know what I'm taking I thought I don't know what I thought what I was taking and suddenly I started feeling extremely extremely bad but not bad that I have to throw up or that I have I have to faint or that I'm dizzy I felt like I'm about to die and there was a girl with me and I told her we got to leave the place cuz I feel very very sick and it was in Manhattan we go out of the building I just wanted to go home we stop a cab I go into the cab and I'm sitting in the backseat of the car scared because I know that I'm about to die I know it's not that I feel or I think or I understand I know that I'm about to die in a level what's called the same way that you have a headache you know you have a headache nobody has to come and convince you you have a headache nobody can come and explain to you how the head hurts you but you know you have a headache I knew that I'm about to die and I'm sitting in the back seat of the car scared cuz I know I'm about to leave this world and I can't breathe and I open the window to get some air and I look out the window and the whole world stopped everything froze like you look at a movie you click the Button the movie stops everything froze and all that's going on in my mind my mind is running 100 miles an hour and all that's going on in my mind is I'm about to live this world and I messed up 28 years of my life and I'm about to meet the creator of the world and I don't even have a Mitzvah and if you will tell me five minutes before that you know that there's a Creator to the world you know there's a God I will tell you you must be completely nuts and if you would tell me five minutes before that you know that you have a a in your body and you know you have to do and you know when your leaves the world it goes up to sh has to give and there's is all sorts of things if you would tell me that five minutes before that I would think that you are completely completely not case and I'm sitting in the backseat of the car and I know that there's a I know know there's a b a Creator to the world and I know that I'm about to meet him and I know that I have a few minutes and I'm about to leave this world and I can't even take one Mitzvah I don't even have a Mitzvah when you die you don't take your money you don't take your house you don't take your diploma you don't take anything you can only take a Mitzvah or Torah that you learned the Good Deeds that you did and I'm sitting in the backseat of the car and I'm 28 years old and I know that I don't even have a Mitzvah to take with me and the feeling that I have imagine a person that decides to kill himself Shalom go chooses the biggest bridge in Manhattan stands on the top looks down takes a deep breath and jumps imagine what's going on in that person's mind the second his feet leave the ground what did I do I just killed myself I can't jump up and I have about a minute before I hit the ground that's how I felt what did I do I wasted 28 years of my life running after money running after fun running after women running after nonsense and now I can't reverse it and I have a minute before I hit the ground and that's it and all that was going on in my heart in Hebrew it's called CH thinking of wow like what could have done when a person wants to do CH he first thinks he has a he has thoughts the zor says that if a person does a minute before he dies he still have to go through what he has to go through because he did a little thought a little change of heart and it seemed like this whole thing was maybe 10 15 minutes the world is frozen nothing moves I'm looking around everything is like a picture and the second that I understand that there's nothing but I cover my eyes and I say with hashem's name not Hashem if you would ask me then how do you know how to say shma I don't know I said once when I was B Mitzvah but the knows everything the N knows when it's about to leave it knows everything and the second that I understood and I came to terms that there's nothing besides then I say is and as I'm saying is I fall down on the girl that's sitting next to me and you know the cabs in Manhattan they have that partition between the front and the back I see that partition and I'm lying on the girl's body and I the first thing that I feel that I'm like diving out of my eyes like you dive into a pool and I wake up in this weird place I don't hear anything and I don't see anything but the first thing that hits me was this amazing silence there wasn't any sound and we don't notice how much noise is around us all day long if you all be quiet now for one minute you're going to hear so much noise you hear the air conditioning running you hear a car you hear noises there was nothing no sounds mute dead and the next thing that I feel is that I'm like air I'm like a cloud I'm everywhere I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm not confined to a body I can I can I'm like everywhere like a cloud and I don't have to go anywhere I don't have to carry this bag of bones and the third thing that I feel is that there's no time I don't have to go anywhere I don't have a watch on my hand I don't have any meetings to go to I don't have to do anything so I'm floating in this place of nothing I don't hear anything I don't see anything I don't feel anything I'm like air like a cloud I'm everywhere and I don't have to go anywhere no time like this perfect vacation and as this is happening I still had my thought thoughts and you know we all have our thoughts we all have the thoughts to a point that our thoughts constantly run in our mind the midash says that their thoughts are compared to a river the same way that the river constantly flows then our thoughts constantly flow 24 hours a day the thoughts are running in our mind and if you're American you think in English if you're Israeli you think in Hebrew whatever language you grow up you have your thoughts now if you're busy with what you're doing you don't really concentrate on your thoughts but when you're sitting in the car or you in the shower or you're lying in bed your thoughts are running in your mind and you have conversations with yourself ah you know you tell yourself stories sometimes you tell yourself jokes sometimes you tell yourself you make plans so I I had these thoughts and I'm thinking to myself wait a minute what happened where am I what just happened what happened where am I and the same level of communication a thought a voice is telling me you died this is your death and I'm like what that's how I die and this voice is telling me yeah you died and it's kind of pointing down now there wasn't a hand but it was more like in you know in uh intellect I understood it and it's kind of like pointing down and I understand that it's telling me to look down and I look down like this and I see my body on the girl in the cab I see the whole thing I'm like the height of maybe like this ceiling and I'm looking down and this voice is telling me you died this is your death and in my mind I'm like M what that's how I die in the backseat of a car that's how the story ends like you don't nobody had nobody plans their death nobody really sits down and thinks oh I know I'm going to die but if you do think of your death you say at least let me die when I'm like 90 years old with like 80 grandchildren and a whole Dynasty and like a whole life and if you not going to die all if I have to Die Young at least let me die like an exciting death like go like 300 miles an hour on a motorbike and like crash into a wall like give me something exciting I'm like that's how I die you know when I was in the Army in Israel we used to go on different missions and I knew you know there's a chance I'm not going to come home but at least I knew if I die I die like a hero you know this something and I'm looking down I'm like that's how I die in the backseat of a car in New York like a bag of potato I'm thrown on the back seat that's how they going to remember me the feeling was this embarrassment feeling that that's how I die and the fact is that it is very important to the Nish to the soul how it leaves the world if the death is very honorable to the body then the Nish gets this honorable death and ifom it's the other way around the feels this embarrassing man that it died like like like a very embarrassing death and I'm like flying over the body I'm like the height of like maybe two two floors I'm looking down I see the whole thing and I'm not like upset or sad or I don't feel any pain and then something happened very very very amazing I feel that I like dive into this girl's body and within a split second I see her entire life from the day she was born till that day and I see her entire life life running in front of my eyes and I don't see her life like in order like a baby 2 3 4 5 6 7 I see like like a mishmash all all the scenes of her life like the past and the present everything is like like as if I'm seeing like 50,000 scenes at the same time and it's not that I'm looking and like looking at a screen and I'm seeing it it's like I live in her body and I think her thoughts so I hear her thoughts and I feel her feelings she said I'm sad she's happy I'm happy she's excited I'm excited and uh I hear how she's freaking out that I'm dead on her and I hear her thoughts and I feel how she's getting all upset and then I see like a little step into the future and I see how they're telling my parents that I died and I see my parents crying and my sisters crying I see like a little step into the future and I see everything at the same time the past and the present and the future all like one big mess like as if I'm sitting in front of 50,000 screens and I see millions of scenes and a lot of people ask me how could it be that you still see her past you see the present you see the future doesn't make sense so the short explanation is that when the N is in the body it's restricted to the limitations of the body so the body can only see a a certain distance and the body can only hear a certain distance and can only hold a certain amount of weight and the body can only live in the present the body can cannot see back and not see forward but when the soul leaves the body it has no limitations it's not limited to the body so the soul can see from one side of the world to the other side of the world and the Soul can hear 50,000 things at the same time and the Soul can see this the past the present the future the soul is not limited and as all this is happening I feel them being pulled up higher and higher and higher and I see like a little bit more of the the scene and the cab is driving in Manhattan and I'm like a magnet over the car and suddenly the car goes under like this little bridge and I go like in the bridge and I see I like calling it The Graphic Design of the world and I'll tell you what I mean imagine you're looking at a website you look at a computer and you see this beautiful design colors pictures buttons everything is beautifully design you press a button it opens the window you press another button plays a video the whole website is like alive but what's going to happen if you remove this graphic design what would you see you would see the code that creates this website and if this website has a program a software you'll see another layer of code that creates this software and I see how the whole world is created with this godly power we know that with 10 speeches Hashem created the the world hasem speaks and he creates the world and if for one second Shalom will stop speaking all the worlds will go back to where they came from like as if nothing was existed we learned from the Torah from many many places hasem speaks with the attribute of Mal is the and he creates the world creates the speaks and creates the world and how does he create the world with 22 sophisticated tools that are the 22 letters of lashan Kesh the letters and each letter contains in it infinite amount of more letters all that we know from cabala all the G how Al is one and bet is two and all these combinations and I see everything is like letters everything everywhere that I look endless amount of letters the godly power that creates the world and I'm able to read the letters and understand what I see I don't see it how we see it how we see it is like very very unintelligent way this eye this very very old tool for the Nish this is like a very like like for us like a piece of wood the nama's tool to see things is way more sophisticated and it's like as if I'm reading the letters and I understand what I see and not because I'm Israeli and no Hebrew cuz the can only read L KES there's no other language up there and I see how every letter is built from more letters and more letters and more letters endless amount of letters and just on this point I can talk for three hours just explaining everything and this whole thing looked like I'm there maybe 50,000 years cuz every little detail was like magnified and the car is like driving and I'm like a magnet over the car and I keep going higher and higher and higher and at some point I'm like the height of like maybe 10 15 floors I'm like flying over Manhattan the cab is driving and I'm like a magnet over the car flying over Manhattan I see the whole city from above and there's one point that the car passes next to a building and the same way that I like kind of dived into this girl and saw her entire life I scan the entire building and within a split second I see everything that's going on in the building hundreds of Apartments I see every apartment what's going on and I'm able to interact with each person one room a boy is crying one room a couple is fighting one room a person is sleeping one room a person is reading and I'm seeing everything at the same time like as if I'm sitting here in the room and I know all of your thoughts and I know how was your day and I know what you ate for breakfast and I know what your favorite color I know everything I'm able to see each person individually and here I always stop to say a funny story that when I met my wife we went on a sh we went on a date and on our first date my wife told me I heard you have a very interesting story how you became religious can you tell me so I told her this story now I was like 70% religious she was 32 and a half% religious she was born in America not connected to anything with religion when she was in college she met a rabbi and started becoming closer to religion and she told me that after the date did she tell me during the date but she told me after the date that when I got to this part for the with the building she said everything made sense and she told me the next day she threw her pants away started wearing dresses starting eating kosher and she told me you know for 10 years I'm backwards and forth with this whole religion thing and nobody could answer one simple question and when you told me the thing with the building everything was clear and she told me I didn't have an issue with God I knew there's a God I knew there's that created to the world I knew there's a I knew there's I knew everything that I didn't have a problem I believed it but my only question that nobody could answer was very simple how can it be that There's 7 billion people in the world millions of creatures trillions of animals and creatures how can it be that hasem knows me you want to tell me that so many people in hasem knows me can't be so you know what let's not concentrate on on all the world let's just concentrate on the Jews you know what let's just concentrate on the religious Jews so you want to tell me that on 3 million people at the same time all over the world they're all in sh praying and God can hear me can't be how he can hear 3 million people so if this is the case and he doesn't know me so what's the point he doesn't even know me why should I bother why should I be dressed sah why should I eat ker he doesn't even care why should I pray he doesn't even listen to me how can it be that he knows me I understand he knows big rabbis very famous people but me and she told me when you what are you piece of n like flying in the air like a leaf you were able to see in each building each room each person and have this personal relationship with each person made me understand her so much more so how hasem knows every little creature in the world like as if there's nothing else about that creature so much more so an animal so much more so a human being a Jew Hashem knows each one of us like as if there's nothing else but that person every thought every emotion every feeling every contemplation in our mind Hashem is there knows every time in the most closed room sees every little thing every thought knows every little thing and she told me that part clicked that's it the next day I threw all my stuff away I that's it became religious and a few weeks later she decided to marry me up until today she's not 100% but I'm sure she's happy she barely sees me but but anyways at least I got one person religious so up until this point first of all it seemed like I'm there thousands of years cuz there wasn't any time I couldn't tell if it's a minute if it's a second if it's an hour if it's a day but everything was good calm relaxed no pain no worries amazing I'm seeing like these Godly Revelations and everything is amazing and suddenly without any preparation without any warning I feel something grabs me from behind and like pulls me into this place and and within a split second I wake up in this totally different place but this time it's extremely scary complete darkness I don't see anything all I feel is that something is holding me like crushing me and I don't see anything I don't hear anything I don't feel anything but I feel this pain this pain because this thing is like 100,000 PBS on me like crushing me and I feel this thing is like pulling me up and as the more it's pulling me the more painful it becomes and it feels like it's trying to pull me through this funnel and the funnel is like full of blades and more it pulls me it's like ripping pieces off me and I'm screaming from pain I can't take this pain and I hear my screaming and the screaming is painful for me and I don't know what it is I don't know where I am I don't know how I got there I'm like in this weird place and all I feel is this fear that there's no words to describe it that's not a human fear even and there worst part was first of all I didn't know how I got there I didn't know what's holding me I didn't know where I am all I see is like pitch black and I can't move but the worst of all was that I didn't know if I'm ever getting out of there I didn't see an end and when you don't have a definition to the situation the situation is much worse and I'll give you an example imagine Shalom a person get sentence to go to jail for 40 years so 40 years that's a pretty big sentence but at least he says oh you know what it's not that bad because I'm going to have where to sleep and I'm going to have where to eat I'm going to have friends and I'm going to have what to eat and you know I the bad situation is defined and I have a lawyer maybe we can appeal get some years off it and I have family they'll come and visit me and after that after 40 years I'm out but there's some type of a definition to the bad situation imagine on the other hand a soldier that shom gets captured by the enemy imagine what's going on in his mind he doesn't know what's happening maybe they're going to kill me in a minute maybe they're going to torture me now for 20 years maybe I'll never see my family he doesn't have any connection to the world nothing nothing is protecting him and every noise that he hears oh what are they going to do now maybe they're going to come now to beat me up maybe they come to kill me now this e this not knowing what's waiting that's worse that's the worst from everything and that's how it felt that I didn't know what's holding me I didn't know what's going on all I feel is this pain that literally there's no words to describe it cuz there's not such a pain even in this world and fear of the unknown and the worst part of it first of all it felt like I'm there not exaggerating a million years of this torture this endless torture it felt like a person that is drowning that he doesn't have any more air but it wasn't ending and the worst part of it was that I finally I kind of figured out that this suffering was from only one thing that I didn't have any connection to God the main source of life I didn't have any connection you know when a person is not religious and he does a lot of lot of a a lot of sins some sins are so severe that the Torah teach us that the soul gets cut off cor the soul gets cut off somebody who eat on Yip eats on P all sorts of bad things all sorts of forbidden relation in Our Generations half of it we don't have it's eting things from but we still have in our generation a lot of these sin that the the reaction is severe the Tor defines it as death It soul gets chopped off and I feel that I don't have any connection to the source of life to the to the creator of the world that was the suffering that I didn't have anything to to grab on and it felt like I'm there maybe a million years of suffering and the worst part was it that it didn't have any end it didn't have a definition okay you're going to be here for two million years and then it's over and at some point I kind of realized what's going on I knew what's going on I at some point realized everything and it's very easy to explain because in this world there's two realities truth and a lie and somebody can create a lie and how hide behind this lie and nobody will ever know but this only works in this world because in the spiritual world there's only one reality AIT truth you cannot distort the reality so I knew exactly what's going on I knew who I am I knew where I am I knew what's holding me this black scary thing was Mal this Angel of Death that comes to rip the out of the body and I knew exactly everything I knew where I'm going I knew what's going to happen happened which made it even worse cuz I knew what's going on but on the other hand I knew that the only thing that can get me out of this is only AEM and there's nothing else that can come and help me and it was like as if I'm screaming to Hashem help me get me out of here I'll do whatever you want I'm sorry and it's like as if I scream to Hashem maybe a million years nothing I mean this Darkness and it's just getting worse it's not that I'm sitting there and relaxing this is like ripping my soul out and I feel this pain that there's no there's no words to describe it and it's just getting worse cuz he putting me higher and higher and higher and I'm screaming to AEM forgive me I'll do whatever you want I'll be the best Jew ever just forgive me give me a chance I'll do whatever you want I can't take this anymore and I'm screaming to Hashem maybe two billion years of severe torture and pain and I don't hear and don't see nothing and it's becoming worse and worse and at some point after like two billion years of torture I see this like dot of light this microscopic dot of light and it sounds like a cliche but it's was the light at the end of the tunnel can you imagine after two million years two billion years of torture and I suddenly see a light and I know that if I can somehow get to This Light then I'm saved and I'm screaming to Hashem I'll do it whatever you want give me a chance I'll prove myself I'll be the best Jew ever whatever you want I'll do and this light is coming closer to me and closer to me closer to me becoming bigger and bigger at some point everything was this light everywhere that I looked was this bright bright white light it was like everywhere everywhere that I would look was this bright light and at the same time as I'm seeing this bright light I see it at the same time in the shape of a triangle and I know that behind this light is AEM it was just obvious I didn't need an explanation it was obvious that behind this light is the creator of the world and it wasn't a feeling of fear or something like that it was the feeling like like like of a awe like the biggest thing of the universe is standing in front of me and I knew that if I can somehow touch this light then I'm saved and I'm screaming to Hashem like save me do what I'll do whatever you want and it felt like as if Hashem is telling me why are you even bothering me why are you even calling me you saw you know everything you know what you did you know everything like why you where did you even come up with Thea to call me and it suddenly felt like as if a hand reached out and grabbed me and pulled me into this light and within a split second I'm like sucked into this light and I only found one way to kind of Define and describe how it felt imagine you take a computer and you connect it to the internet and before you connect it to the internet this computer is a piece of metal that's worth nothing and once you connect it to the internet any question that you have all you do is Google it and within a split second endless amount of information is in the tip of your toes you just need to Google the question and you get the answer it felt like I got connected to the main source of information and within a split second endless amount of information was downloaded to me instantly I was this genius I got connected to the main source of everything and instantly I know everything I was a genius and this information was this amazing pleasure it felt like this water is washing me with information it felt like I'm being electrified with information and it was pleasure that there's no words to describe it there's no such a pleasure in in this world to say oh it felt like that you know there's a there's a it teaches the says that the of theim The Souls of the righteous men and women they're sitting in G they're sitting in G and just enjoying not even theem just the Ze the end the glory the the shine of the glory of hem and the says you we can't even imagine what's this pleasure what's this tan and it even goes to the to the lengths to say even if you take all the pleasures of all the millions and trillions of people from all 5,000 years combine all these Pleasures together it's not even a second in Gan and it felt like this pleasure that if there's no there's no way to describe it and the pleasure was that I was fed this endless amount of Godly wisdom instantly I was a genius I just knew everything and this information came like with two channels one channel was that instantly I was a genius I just knew everything and it's not that I knew things that have to do with this world this world look like you're giving a couple of blocks of Legos to a 2-year-old and he's putting the blocks together when I like as if looked back at this world it looked like nothing like this most unadvanced world and I was this instantly this genius it's like I knew all the of the world all this Godly wisdom of all the universe and the second channel of this information was like as if I saw the entire world from the day it was created till the end one big panoramic picture I see the entire world how it looks like this one long big picture this perfect perfect master plan this genius plan that we cannot understand we see this world like a piece of a puzzle of a million piece puzzle and you imagine like you're trying to do this puzzle and you pick up one piece and you look at the piece nothing makes sense you have to put in all the pieces together and the way I saw the world like like as if it was like one big picture everything made sense everything was this genius master plan that we cannot understand cuz we only see one dot one piece of the entire puzzle and we're looking at this piece and we're like what kind of a world is this all I see is Terror attacks and bombing and Holocaust and diseases and death well what kind of a world is this where is AEM here yeah but we only see one piece from a million piece puzzle so this piece doesn't make sense and I was able to see this panoramic picture how everything made sense everything was this genius plan and as I see all this and everything makes sense and I'm this genius and I'm feeling this pleasure that there's Words that cannot describe it I feel I'm like stuck in a bubble and I I'm not part of it I can't I can't be part of it and as I'm seeing this amazing gilim this Godly Revelation and this pleasure that words cannot explain even I feel the complete opposite that I have no connection to it I'm stuck in a bubble like as if they're telling me we're we're very sorry you didn't choose to be on this side so now you got to go kind of like taking taking a little kid to an ice cream store and walking the kid into the ice cream store and telling him look at all the treats look at all the lollipops here's the ice creams here's the cakes okay now we got to go home like as if they showed me all this beautiful thing of all this universe and then we're telling me we were very sorry you didn't choose to be part of this group you got to go you chose to be on the beach that day you can't imagine there's no words to describe this suffering being torn away from it it's like as if they showed me this be of all this universe this genius plan of hasem and there's like we're very sorry but you don't even have one little Mitzvah even to be part of it you got to go and it felt like I'm being pulled out of this I'm like fighting to to to stay there I'm begging leave me here I want I I I I just want to stay no you got to go out you got to go you don't belong here there's no words to describe this suffering that I'm not part of this master plan and they're like ripping me out of this place throwing me into this room I wake up in this huge room all that I feel that I'm completely completely naked I don't even have nothing I'm like standing naked now there wasn't a body so I wasn't naked from clothes but I was completely naked and the room was Pitch Pitch Black I don't see anything all I see everywhere I look millions of eyes looking at me everywhere that I look I see millions of eyes looking at me and I'm like transparent they see through me and these millions of eyes are all the of all the Jews from all generations standing around me like a ring everybody looking at me and the feeling that I had that I'm the only rash everybody around me sikim I'm the only rash that everybody because of me are suffering now we know the mishna teaches us that when a person does a good deed a Mitzvah he creates himself a a spiritual garment so you do a Mitzvah you create yourself this spiritual garment that covers the nefes later on in ganeden this is the L that allows you to get this Godly Revelation ifom a person did a he creates a blemish on this Le a stain so the same way that you have a stain on your jacket you take it to the dry cleaner and they steam it so if a person this the stain on this so either the person is lucky and he does CH and he goes to yip and Yip washes the off ifom a person did not do that and the goes up to sh and the ne the has this stain the nees has to go through a process to remove it it's called G there's many different ways how you wash the but the fact is that if at least a person has MIT the ne is dressed with this leim I didn't even have a I was standing there naked millions of eyes all these souls are looking and seeing through me there's that says that when goes up to sh all the come down to greet this and everything that this person ever said thought did anything is all written in the air and all the come and they read the resum and if the person was busy with mitv and busy with learning Torah and everything that came out of his mouth was honest and truth then sh read it and they Marvel wow ASI wow the Marvel the achievement if shalom it's the other way around if the person was only thinking crooked things speaking lies speaking doing a all read it that's how the explains it and they they look at the and they're like that's what you did down there and experiencing this this bu this shame and I'm standing there in this middle of this room completely naked cuz I don't even have a and millions of are looking at me and I feel like they're looking through me know everything about me and there's no much to describe this shame this bush this embarrassment that they know everything about about me first they know everything about me so every distorted thought that I ever had everybody sees more than that it's a great shame it's an embarrassment for the Nish to come down to this world and not even be occupied with Tora and and the feeling was that I I literally don't didn't know what to do myself from this shame the shame was worse than the pain from that black thing that brought me and worst of all that this feeling was between me and all of you and all of you were there because the are UPS there what we have here is a little piece of the in this body the even when a a person is alive the main part of the Nish is upstairs the worst part was not between me and the old n it felt like Hashem is standing in front of me and it felt you know when a person is embarrassed his his reaction is to put his head down from the shame it felt like I'm with my head down and if I lift up my head I see hasem it felt M that hasem looking at me and I'm so embarrassed that I can't even lift up my head and I knew it was just obvious that if I lift up my head I see hasem and the feeling was not that hasem wants to rip me the pieces not that he wants to torture me or punish me it felt I broke his heart it felt like a father that sent a son on a mission and I totally messed it up and it felt like I bro I broke hashem's heart that I disappointed him it didn't feel like Hashem is standing there with a with a baseball bat waiting to beat me up no it was the other way around it felt like hasem is telling me what did you do I sent you down to this world with a list this long of things to do and a list this long of things not to do you didn't even get one right you messed it up everything I told you to do you didn't do everything I told you not to do you did you completely messed it up it felt like I broke hashem's heart and I knew that this room is a courthouse and I knew I'm about to be judged for every little thing I knew the fear that they're pushing me I I was like begging them please please don't take me in there please I'm begging you don't take me in there no you got to go in and I knew that every little thing that I ever did is about to be all opened and all these millions of eyes are all there looking and I know that I'm about to be judged and I'm like kind of looking up I'm like in front of a black wall and I know there's judges in front of me I can't see anything I don't see anything I just see a black wall and you know the Mish teaches us in that when a person does a good deed does a mitvah he creates himself aor a defense attorney and when a person doesn't a Shalom he creates himself a categor a prosecutor that comes and prosecutes against him I had some type of dare daring and I look to my left and I see balion of prosecutors balion standing there like demons with files everything that I ever did and I had the to look to my right and I see two defense attorneys and one was the other one was blind the third one didn't want to show up that day it sounds now funny and they're kind of telling me you want to say something before we start what are you going to say what can you say so at this point they're telling me you don't want to say anything we're about to start and at this point they're showing me my entire life from the day I was born till that day now it's not shown on a big screen it's like as as if I live my life again and I'm in my body again just at this time everything is slow motion and everything that I ever did is pointed out he stole here Li he cheated he did this you did this everything that I ever did is pointed out and all these millions of they're all there so every person that I ever lied to is standing right here why did you lie to me and every person that I ever stole from it was you and every person that I ever cheated in business is standing right here why did you cheat me you owe me money and every person that ever had a thought about them is standing right there why did you think that that's what you thought about me that's what you did there's no words to describe this shame I always make a joke that I was dead and I didn't even know where to bury myself and everything is pointed out now it's not that it's pointed out here you stole here you did this they're showing me the the sin and right away they're showing me the spiritual blemish that was caused by the sin and I'll tell you what I mean one second can I bother you in the back I didn't press the record button in the camera you did y Yan did it's red or green it has to be cuz I See the Light it has to be have light in front of me oh now it's on huh okay so this point they're showing me every little sin that I ever did but the worst was that they're showing me the spiritual blemish and I'll tell you what I mean when a person Shalom there's a chain reaction what happens the first thing that happens is that he did the opposite of aem's will aide the king told you to do this and you didn't do it the king told you not to do this and you did that's the first thing that happens which in itself is a big thing worse than that the second the person does this sin he creates this blemish on this leou now if the sin is small then the blemish is small if the sin is Big the blemish is big if the sin is severe the Lush gets torn and if the sin continues over and over and it's another sin another sin another blemish another blemish and the person has to do chuva and wipe off this sin Shalom the sins are severed even CH even doesn't really help he has to go through and there's a whole process the explains if the person is lucky he does it in this world if he's not lucky then has to deal with it up there the next thing that happens thear explains that when a person does a right away he creates a Mal and Ang a destructive angel that comes and SS next to him it's called a Mas and he comes to annoy him all day long till he kills him so if a person did 100 of he has 100 around him all day long annoying him all day long so he gets a ticket and he gets in a car accident and he fails ears and he loses money and every little thing they're standing around him annoying him till he kills them huh how you with ch we can get into that later how do you kill it but yeah Chua kills them off the next thing that happens cabala explains that you create Shalom when a person does what's called a this spiritual spiritual ER bacteria this germ the spiritual germ exactly like you have a germ that comes and attacks the body and it has a disease this is like a spiritual bacteria and worse above all that is that the second that person dis an a he created a blemish in all the spiritual worlds like this K this torn all around the world all the universe and I'll give you an example what I mean imagine there's a a a famous picture in a big Museum somewhere in Europe that the picture is worth half a billion dollars and everybody comes all around the world to see this beautiful picture that somebody 300 years ago took a bunch of paints threw it at the canvas made like this and everybody comes to Marvel this beautiful picture now imagine somebody walks into this museum with a bucket of black paint and throws it at the picture and ruins the picture completely so what happens first of all he gets arrested then he goes to jail then he has to pay a fine but this is his issues corresponding to the person's issues he has to do CH has to go to galom but worse than all that that he ruined the picture nobody can enjoy this picture ever again not one person in the universe can come to this Museum and enjoy this picture he ruined it for everybody and it's irreversible and that's the spiritual blemish so when a person doesn't a forget about his own consequences he makes this blemish in the universe that hurts everybody so a lot of people say ah leave me alone I'll deal with it when I get there it's my problem no it's not your problem it's everybody's problem because if iom do everybody suffers and if I do on the other way a mitv oh everybody benefits every Mitzvah that I do every Mitzvah that you do the entire universe benefits if people around the world will see what happens to the world when we do a Mitzvah everybody would worship us but at this point it's not like that but right now if a person does the opposite he messes it up for everybody all the suffer from that the world suffer from that he brings s to the to the world and that's what they showed me here you stole ah we don't care about the stealing look what you did here here you cheated in business okay but look what you did here there's no words to describe it because there was so much of it and at some point they were telling me okay khabibi you're like a lost case you have nothing here okay you know so let's see what we can put together so when you were 8 days old your parents didn't really ask my permission but they circumcised me so they told me even though it's not even your Mitzvah it's your father's Mitzvah but we'll give you a mitzvah for this one and when you Mitzvah you put fing on so we'll give you another Mitzvah even though you really didn't care about the Mitzvah and one time a dollar fell out of your pocket and somebody hungry picked it up and ate so we'll give you zaka for this one and one time you help your mom and one time you were good to this person and one time you did this and they were like trying to to gather some mitv together and they told me like there's nothing there's nothing to work with even M you have like you know 50/50 we can do something with it but you have like 99.9 9999 and nothing so they're kind of telling me look you're like a lost case we have nothing to do with you but at this point they're telling me look we're going to give you a deal and you have two options the first option is you go back to the black thing that brought you here and he's going to finish the story which that wasn't really an option the second option is that you go back down to this world and you have three conditions the first condition is is that you have to live your life like a Jew and at this point they're showing me my entire life forward from that day till the end and I see myself with this long black beard with a black suit I see my entire life I see my wedding I see my wife I see my kids I see my old life forward and they're telling me that's how you have to live your life now they're not telling me you have to be ashaz they're telling me like a Jew in sh there's one way to be a Jew here we make all sorts of groups but in sham there's one way and they're telling me this is the path you have to walk on and you can make your own rules and more than that you cannot come here after 120 years and say oh I didn't know oh they didn't tell me oh my parents didn't send me to Yeshiva oh that day I was really tired I didn't feel like waking up that day they're telling me you cannot come back here after 120 years and said I didn't feel like it I didn't want to and this is your life and I see my entire life running one time another time another time they're showing me this movie of my future and they're telling me that's how you have to live your life you cannot make up rules and you cannot bend the rules and you cannot make up things and find all sorts of people that will tell you this is allowed oh this is not so important ah this is not really really big oh this hm doesn't really care about it completely distorting the rules that's the first condition the second condition is is that you have 28 years of debt so you know what till Mitzvah will forgive you so you have 15 years of death you have to pay it back so the fact that you go and you stole somebody's credit card and he went and spent $100,000 on the credit card and then you got caught oh I'm so sorry here's the card I'll never use it again okay thank you very much for giving me the card but where's the $100,000 you spent on it now that not that I stole somebody's credit card but they're telling me for 15 years you made a mess you stole you have to give it back you cheated in business you owe that person money you insulted somebody you have to ask for forgiveness you think to do Chua is to put a yamaka on your head and grow a twoot long beard no that's the that's the custume doing Chua is going back and fixing what you messed up so you have 15 years of death so you have to fix that and the third condition is that you have to tell every living person that you meet what you saw you cannot hide you cannot keep it to yourself you cannot not tell anyone you have to tell every person that you meet what you saw now I wasn't really in a place of saying you know what that's not such a good deal why don't you let me consult with my attorneys give me a day or two and I'll give you an answer I didn't have that option I was like where do I sign when's When's the next elevator going down and they're telling me no no no relax khabibi don't thew don't don't don't jump L you have to think about it because you cannot come back here after 120 years and tell us that you didn't feel like waking up that day to pray or that you didn't feel like doing this this is the rule you cannot come back here make a good decision and I'm like just let me go down I'll do whatever you want and it felt like I'm literally shaking my hands with Hashem like as if I'm doing a deal with hem and the second that I shake my hands with Hashem it felt like Hashem pushed me I felt this impact like a like a train hit me and it felt like hasem pushed me and told me you have to do and the second that hasem pushed me he pushed me into my body and that same second I wake up my eyes open up and I get up in the car completely not connected to the world the girl is screaming the C driver is screaming a whole whole mess one second and I don't remember anything I don't I don't see anything I'm like completely completely out of it and the girl is screaming and I don't remember anything and more than that I don't remember even one detail from what I just told you what what I told you now is maybe 1% of the entire thing and I don't remember anything and I'm completely out of it and the girl later told me that I was mumbling something took me something took me all that I knew is that I have to do a Mitzvah now you saw how I look in the picture like a mug the picture is like a nice picture months couple couple times my mom went with me to lectures and she was like why do you carry such a horrible picture at least like a nice picture of you so I started carrying out carrying me a nice picture but I have long hair tattoos all my body piercings all over my face and all that I can think of is that I have to do a Mitzvah now we're going to fast forward later on you can ask about that we went to the hospital anyways I got back home and all that I know is that I have to do a Mitzvah and at that point I have a friend who started becoming religious and every time that he would meet me he would tell me you want to put filin on and I was like no this not for me and then I wait a minute I have to do a Mitzvah let me call my friend so I call my friend 6:00 in the morning was Saturday he wasn't so religious he picked up the phone and I tell him I you have to come now I have to put F in on so imagine his face on the other side of the phone is telling me what tell MIT you have to come right now I have to put F in on so he tells me you can't it's Shabbat told him who care what is it today I have to put F in on he like so he tells me in Hebrew you lost it no it's don't ask any questions you have to come right now and I have to put fing on he tells me you can't it's Shabbat so I told him a whole year you're trying to put fing on me now is your chance so you're becoming technical Shabbat Shabbat who cares what day is it today and he's trying to explain to me you can't put onab and I tell him so I have to do aah take me to a synagogue and he tells me what happened told him you can't ask any questions that I have to do mitvah so he tells me why don't you come tonight it's p it's told him oh that sounds very religious so where do I have to go so he gives me the address that night I go to my first l s in Bor Park in a religious family and I do the first s in my life and I don't remember one detail from what I told you what I told you now is literally not even a percent from all that I remember all I knew is something very very weird happened because I felt I'm a completely completely different person up until that day I was this rough rough Israeli every word that came out of my mouth was a curse somebody would look at me the wrong way I would beat him up I was like this rough guy suddenly I'm this nice guy Hi how are you I got to work the day how are you feeling today and everybody's like what and I would look in the mirror at that time and I had like long hair and I would look and it looked like normal suddenly I look in the mirror and I'm like G what are these things and I don't know what happened for two weeks I feel something weird happened and I don't know what happened and I thought I didn't know what to think two weeks pass one night I'm half asleep half awake suddenly everything that I told you plus the the 99% that I didn't tell you everything pops up in a split second I getting all these Visions in my mind everything just pops up in my mind I wake up in the middle of the night scared the first thing that I do the girl was sleeping next to me and I wake her up now remember the beginning I told you that I dived into her body and I saw her entire life I started asking her questions tell me when you were seven this and this happened to you and she's like how do you know and I tell her when you were eight this and this ever happened to you she was like yes how do you know now I didn't tell her how I do I know I just told her does this happen to you yes did this happen to you yes how do you know now in my mind I had a serious problem because in my normal mind that's not normal I was a normal person this is not a normal thing things like this don't happen it doesn't make sense so I ask her another question did this ever happen when you were 13 and you in this this city and in this age this this happen to you she was like how do you know now in my mind I had a serious problem cuz I was like wait a minute they're looking at me I'm signed on a deal I got to be Jewish now I didn't want to tell her because I was like if I'm going to she tells me how do you know and I told her if I'm going to tell her how do I know she's going to think I'm nuts now I didn't know what to do I didn't know I was like if I'm going to go now to any person and tell him this is what happened to me they'll be like H okay relax relax sit down here put your hands in this jacket take this pill the doctor's coming and if few minutes don't worry everything will be fine now I didn't know what religious people think in my mind the religious people were Nut Cases you know what it was what it was for me I looked at religious people all I saw is these weird people dressed weird with long beards and the breakfast is stuck here and lunch is stuck here and they never take a shower and they swing chickens over their head I was like these are like lunatics so I didn't know what the religious people think so I was afraid to go to a rabbi I was like they're probably more crazy than me so I was like okay I'm not going to tell it to anyone so I packed up my bags I at that point I lived in New York I moved to Chicago I was like I got to go far away and I'll figure it out so I told my friend I need to become Jewish what do I need to do so he gave me the basics you know you can eat meat and dairy and you can't eat all sorts of animals that you really like and you can do this and you can't do that and you have to put F in the morning and you have to put and you have to you know Shabbat so I took the basic I was like okay okay that's enough that's enough I packed my bags and I moved to Chicago and I lived there for a year and a half and the whole year and a half it felt like Hashem hold my hand and tell me it's okay you're normal everything's fine just do what you need to do and I didn't tell it a year and a half to anyone CU I was afraid I was embarrassed but I started becoming religious now imagine when you're 28 years old to suddenly switch your life it's almost almost impossible cuz in my mind I was like okay I don't mind putting the filling in the morning and I don't mind eating the meat and dairy no not eating that's easy and I'll stop eating these animals that I like and I don't mind the the basics but now you going me with the big things it's an invention it's not really real so I would make up in my mind all sorts of excuses why I don't have to do everything else and why it's good just to do a little bit and the thing is that in my mind what didn't make sense I didn't accept so I remember once I read in the Sid this very fine print and it says that every time that you leave the bathroom you have to wash your hands three times and you have to say so I was like okay that's easy I'll I'll do it so I went and bought this funny cup and every time I came out of the bathroom I would wash my hands three times and I would read the and in my mind I thought I'm like a a sadik I thought I'm like the most tadic in the generation I was like ah nobody does I'm so I'm like like a re one one time my friend it came to visit me and he tells me oh I see you do told him you know what I do every time I come out of the bathroom I wash my hands three times and I say so he tells me Ah that's nothing you know what the real religious people do they go to sleep and they put a bucket next to the to their bed and they put this cup next to the bucket and then they wake up in the morning they don't even put their feet on the ground and they wash their hands I was like what what kind of a lunatic will do that so whatever didn't fit well in my mind I was like no no no these religious people they're making things up because it was very hard for me because I was like what it was very hard for me to give up my life I was like I'm not going to go to movies anymore I'm not going to go out with girls anymore I'm not going to go to the beach anymore every time I go to a restaurant I have to see if it's kosher it was too much I was like okay I'll do the basics but don't give me the hard things it's too much I cannot do it and at some point I knew that I have to keep Shabbat I was like how am I going to do this but I'm not going to drive okay I'll drive but I'll not I was trying to make deals I'll do this no this is too much I'm not going to but I knew I have to keep Shabbat and I didn't know what to give up and at the time I was a very very heavy smoker I used to smoke like three packs of cigarettes every day and I remembered that 10 years before this whole thing happened I met this religious person who tried to you know make care of me he came and he told me you know there's a God I told him you are mug he told me you know you having a sh in your body I told him you must be hallucinating everything that he told me I was like I whole hour and a half he was trying to talk to me and he made a brick wall want to put fill in no want to do this no a whole hour and a half he's trying to get through me finally he almost gave up and he told me at the end look TMA on Shabbat you're not allowed to light fire and on Shabbat you're not allowed to extinguish fire so if you must smoke on Shabbat at least don't turn out your cigares so if you smoke 60 cigarettes a day and you don't turn out your cigar cigarettes on chabas then you have 60 less sins told him what you're telling me not to turn out cigarettes tell me not to kill tell me not to steal you're telling me not to to turn out cigarettes that's your religion I thought the guy completely crazy 10 years later when I had to keep Shabbat I was like wait a minute I just found a loophole I'm going to smoke finish the cigarette put it in the asay I keep Shabbat so I would smoke finish the cigarette put it in the ashay and Shabbat if somebody would ask me yeah I keep shabas yeah but I just saw you drive no you're like to drive I just turn don't turn out my cigarettes and in my mind that was the Shabbat not to turn out the cigarette and if Shalom I would forget why why why they're going to barbecue me now again no I didn't turn out my turn out my cigarette by mistake and that was my Shabbat not to turn out cigarette for three months that was you know what was a challenge it was to remember not to turn out the cigarette and later on I added another thing and another thing and at some point A friend told me you know in Shabbat you have to do K told him oh wine I'll do that but I was everything that I would do I would do with all my heart I was like okay I'm not going to do most of the stuff but at least what I do I do it all the way so I would drive 60 miles cuz where I lived was in the very south part of Chicago I would drive 60 miles to the north part of Chicago to buy kosher wine and every Friday would come I would get dressed nice and a nice suit make a beautiful meal set the table do the whole show come do my K drink my wine and then go out to see a movie and one time a friend came to visit me and I told him it's Shabbat we have to do K so we do the whole thing I put my suit we set the table I do kou we eat the meal and we go out to a club so on the way back from the club 4:00 in the morning my friend tells me you know you're kind of making a joke out of the whole thing I told him what do you mean he's like look either you're religious and you keep Shabbat and you can do your kou or you're not but you cannot do K and then go out to a club that's kind of making a joke so I told him no no no no you're getting it wrong and I'll explain to you what I mean if you go out now to a playground and you see a 9-year-old boy jumping up and down and climbing up the ladders and jumping and up and down nobody gets excited cuz all the 9-year-olds do the same thing but if you see a year old baby suddenly do a step everybody's like wow look he walked everybody pulls out their cameras wow look look he did a step everybody gets excited so I told him in my in hashem's eyes I'm this baby I can only do one step and then I fall I didn't grow up religious I'm not religious for 50 years for me I'm not this 9 years old that Hashem has big expectations I'm this baby but you know what happens right now in sham when I do K let me tell you what happens Hashem calls all his malim all his angels and tells him come come look what my little boy did down there look he drove 60 miles to buy kosher wine he could have go to the corner store to buy any wine and he made a nice meal and he got dressed nice and he stood for two minutes to say thank you for creating the world thank you for this wine for two minutes he stopped his day to acknowledge that I exist and I told him this is what hasem looks right now he ignores right now all the things around cuz he knows I'm this baby that I can only do a step and then I fall and Hashem is looking right now at this two minutes of all the effort that was put into the Mitzvah the kavana the meaning he doesn't look at did that later on I did a step and fill he's like it's a baby he doesn't he can't do more than that and tomorrow he'll do two steps and in the next day he'll do three steps but right now I'm this baby and for a year and a half that's how I was in Chicago every day there was another step and another step it was almost impossible to become religious miraculously after a year and a half I somehow got back to New York and I was going through some very difficult time and I met a person who told me why don't you come tonight there's a place in in Manhattan in t there's a little party come you know some young people maybe you meet some friends okay so I went to this place and there was a big room like this and a band playing music and I really didn't feel like being in this room and the and I felt very bad just getting up and leaving and the the door was all the way there so I moved from this chair to this chair and then I moved to another chair I had a plan then I moved to another chair and finally when I got the right time I got up and I ran out but I had very bad intelligence and instead of running out of the building I ran into the Sho so I go into the Sho and as I go into the Sho a rabbi is standing a long table with maybe like 30 people and they're about to start a sh a class and the rabbi tells me come come please join us and in my mind I'm like oh how am I getting out of that and I'm like no it's very late I I gotta go home and and the rabbis tells me come come join us and in my mind I'm like H at least let me put sit next to the door it will be easy to run out so the rabbi puts me right next to him and he starts giving over the class and it was the first Torah class I was ever in my life I never heard any Torah and suddenly the the guy opens up his mouth and I'm mesmerized I'm like shocked from the information that's coming out of his mouth and I look at the clock every five minutes and I really had to be somewhere the next day early in the morning and I can't leave I'm like I got to I got to I got to hear the end comes the end of the class I wake up I go up to the rabbi and I tell him you must be some type of a genius I don't know how you know so much information so he tells me I see you enjoyed the shoe why don't you come next week there's another one so I told him you didn't cover the whole thing tonight said tells me no no come back next week there's another one so I come back the next week I was the first one sitting right next to the rabbi and I was like that I couldn't move I'm not going to miss that one word so I went to one class another class another class after a few classes I got very friendly with a rabbi and he told me I see you enjoy my classes why don't you come to my house every Thursday night we study from 12:00 a.m. to 6:00 a.m. all night we study Zar and then we go to a mik and then we pray shakar and we get ready for Shabbat so I told him wow you know that's an amazing idea I really don't have anything else to do between 12:00 a.m. to 6 a.m. every Thursday night but I'll come so I come there sure enough the rabbi is sitting with maybe 10 guys and all night he's teaching Zar and all that he's talking about is and malim and angels and spiritual worlds and weird things and all sorts of spooky stuff and in on my mind I'm like wait a minute I remember that wait a minute I remember this so after two of the three of these classes I was like you know this guy seems a little bit cuckoo because if this is what he's teaching he must be a little bit M but I think I can tell him what I went through so I come to this RAB and I tell him you know something happened to me almost two years ago and I never told it to anyone and I think you are the candidate to hear about it so he tells measha sit so I start telling him the story now he wasn't patient like you he was like no no no no no I come to the end and he's looking at me with these piercing eyes this yemenite Israeli guy looking at me with his piercing eyes telling me in he are you crazy and I'm like what now he thinks I'm crazy now I'm for sure doomed and he's looking at me he's like are you crazy Hashem did such a miracle and you're not doing anything he freaked out he pull out my shirt you're not wearing tiit he freaked out you have to go to Yesa you have to study Tor he freaked out the next day 6 o' in the morning he TT me to mon knock on the door of Yesa I have a student for you he pushes me into the Yeshiva he tells me don't come out till I get you three months later I'm already fully religious the whole thing so I look up to sh and I tell to Hashem I did the first part of the deal look I'm religious now came the second part of the deal so I go to and I tell him this is the res what do I do so he tells me for this you have to do this for this you have to do that he gives me the whole thing no a few months later I meet my wife a few months later we get married a few months later we have a baby a year and a half from that time not even I'm fully religious with a wife with a kid did the second part okay now comes the hard part start telling it to people now the first in the beginning I used to tell it to people that were very close like in the ISA or a rabbi so they were very into it because they were like you know it's amazing what you're saying because everything that you're saying this what you what you're saying now is written in this and what you're saying now is written in this Z so I got very good feedback and they were very excited about it but I had to tell it to people who are not religious so I got my first gig in some in Brooklyn for Israelis they did not give out tomatoes in the entrance because if they had what to throw at me they would use it the whole night they were cursing shakran you liar get out of here muga for two hours I'm standing there and just getting curses and insults and in my mind I'm like that's what I'm going to have to deal now with the rest of my life and the whole time I see this one guy at the end shivering the whole night he comes to me at the end of the night he tells me I believe every word you said what do I have to do so in my mind I was like oh okay if all this I had to go through for one person to to do something to change his way then I'll I'll take that for about four years I used to go and speak and shoes and yes and all sorts of places and I would come speak finish and go and a few years ago something happened and it changed how I looked at things and one day my brother mother-in-law a very young healthy man went out for a drug got a heart attack and died on the spot so my sister calls me I fly to Isel being the only religious person in the family they waited for me I come off the plane straight to the betar to the cemetery I walk into the room of thead and in Israel they don't bury in a box like here they bury in in a talit so the body is on the bed after the but without the and I see my brother-in-law and my instinct I pull out a and I start reading and my sister's next to me crying and I look at the body and I was like wait a minute he's on the ceiling he's looking down now and he hears my and he hears my sister crying and he knows what I ate for breakfast and he knows everything that's going on now because I remember that I was like that and he hears everything now and he sees everything and he knows everything and now he's going here and now he's going there I was like wait a minute you know what was my problem the thing is with my brother-in-law you can't really judge a book by its cover because some person you would look at the person he looks very religious with a nice beard and a hat and the whole costume and the inside is all rotten but on the other hand can be a person on the outside doesn't look religious at all but the inside is pure and honest and with good midot so you can't really look at a person and judge the situation only Hashem knows but this particular person from what I knew was not at all and I was looking at him I was like what's going on I you know where is he right now I know what's going on right now now this Malak is coming and punching him from here and now this is coming and throwing him from there and in my mind I was like you know what was my problem when I was up there not that I wasn't religious my problem that I didn't even have a Mitzvah that was my problem my problem was that I wasn't able to say up there whoa relax hey stop the one minute stop the trial you're right I didn't keep shabat and I didn't eat kosher and I didn't give this and I didn't do that but you know what I did I would put filling every day I have a Mitzvah I didn't even have that I was not able to wave in sh wait whoa you're right I'm not a sadic but I used to do this and I used to go to a tour class once a week and I used to do this and I used to light candles on sh I didn't even have a half a Mitzvah to to to save me to have any connection to AEM and I was looking at my brother and I was like maybe he doesn't have this Mitzvah what's what going on a person lives his life 60 70 80 years if he's lucky like as if this world is like a vacation and then it ends and then what what do you do where do you go what happens the funniest thing that in this world everybody ensures everything that moves you ensure your car you ensure your house you ensure your health you ensure your cell phone ifom it falls in the toilet at least you can get new one some people are very and they ensure their life if Shalom they die at least their wife and kids get money but everything that moves you ensure why do you ensure everything why you ensure your car why you expect to get into an accident no but if Shalom I get into an accident at least I have insurance and why do you ensure your health you expect to get in to become sick no ifom I become six then then I have an insurance we don't do anything we don't most people don't live their life and saying ah you know one day I'll die and I'll go somewhere and I need something and most people don't really plan their their life now the thing is that I don't like looking in that direction because a lot of places that I go they tell me you know you have to scare people because if they don't do mitvah they go to Gom and they rip the pieces there and a lot of people think that if you come and care somebody then they'll they'll get their act together I like looking at it a completely different way because you know what's going to happen very soon mashia is going to come any day and when mashia is going to be here he's going to have a personal meeting with each person now what's going to happen to a person that comes into the meeting sits in front of the king and the King tells him what did you do to hasten the Gula what did you do to make me come faster what did you do now if a person did a lot of mitv and learned a lot of Tor and everything then he can tell the king what he Didia and the King will be very proud and will be a lot of Honor but what if the person has nothing to say what is he going to tell the king I was on Facebook you know what did you do all day long H I was in the beach so the thing is that I can't really tell you my entire story and it doesn't doesn't really matter even if I tell you the entire story every little deal it does does not make any difference the story is very interesting and a lot of special effects but the thing is that most people after a week forget half of the story after two weeks forget everything after three weeks forget even my name I made people oh I saw you no you have this weird thing people don't remember after a month they don't even remember my name so there's not really of a point to go too much into the story because the story happened to me the story happened to me that I will become religious so I can't really give over what I felt I can't give over my pain my happiness my feeling what I felt I can't give it over the only thing that I can give over is that if you sat here now for two hours and you leave this door at the end of the night and nothing changed then you you wasted two hours of your of your of your life but if you leave this door with a change of mind that from this second not tomorrow and not next week and not in a month tonight I'm already saying and tomorrow morning I'm waking up and straight away doing and I'm going to pray with with and I'm doing this and I'm doing this if you leave this room then in your mind you're like okay what am I getting out with these two hours and I'm going home to sleep or am I going home to get my act together because there's no time there's no time to waste not a second not a minute not a day in any direction you look at it there's no time to waste and if you leave out this door and say okay very nice story he's a nice guy he told a few jokes and he has a very long beard good but I'm back to my life then you wasted your own time if you want to be smart you leave from this door and you say I'm holding here where am I holding tomorrow and what am I going to do the next day and what I'm going to do in a week and what I'm going to do in two weeks and I'm let me plan now what doing I can't do everything in one day but at least today I'm adding this tomorrow I'm adding that the next day I'm adding this David says me going closer to hem is climbing a mountain one day another day another step another step another step and it's harder and it gets harder and harder the harder it gets in the better situation you are people say oh I'm becoming religious I'm doing so many it's and it's becoming worse yes because the more you get closer to Hashem the harder it gets there's a major rule when you ride a bike if it's easy must be that you're going down that's how it works if it's hard it means you're going up so if you're in a everything is easy you're going down you're not going anywhere if it's hard if there's there's problems there's that comes to drive you crazy every day is a struggle it means you're going up and another step and another step so much more so if you bow CH and you have to kill and erase the past you build an army of malim for 20 30 years you have to kill it of course it's going to be hard you think you're going to get the million dollar price for nothing this world is hard but the more it's the harder it gets the better the greater your reward is and the the way how I saw how the this world works is put in a very short masal there was once a king and the King had a son an only son finally the King's son got married got engaged there was a wedding a big katuna they sent out invitation to the entire city the enire country one guy gets an invitation in the mail can you imagine the excitement opening up an invitation to the king's son's wedding wow he went and bought a beautiful suit he got excited he pinned the invitation to the wall every day he was counting the day for the wedding on the other side of town one guy didn't get an invitation in the mail a whole Entourage of ministers generals the second to the king the king's advisers everybody came to personally invite this person the day of the wedding comes the guy who got the invitation put on his nice new suit gets all set up goes down puts his invitation in his pocket he's about to leave the building and it starts pouring rain so he says to himself how am I going to get now to the bus stop I'm going to get soaking wet so he sees the bus he's like the second the bus comes a little bit closer I'll run I'll get a little bit wet and I'll make it he takes the run the bus doesn't wait and he starts running after the bus and he falls into a puddle gets completely soaking wet he gets up starts running after the bus wait wait I got got to go catch the bus I got to go to the wedding and he's running and getting soaking wet falls into a puddle again the bus disappears he starts walking to the next bus stop he's like I'm going to be late now to the wedding on the road a bunch of robbers meet him they rob him he keeps on going a bunch of hoods pick him up beat him up the guy goes through hell on the other side of town the guy who got the invitation from all the ministers he can't even believe who picks him up limousines helicopters in the air motorbikes with guards all surrounding him soldiers carrying him into the limousine finally the other guy gets to the wedding soaking wet blood over his face he got robbed he got mugged he's soaking wet the whole day he finally gets to the king to the Palace the doors are closed the guards are telling him can we help you so he tells them I have an invitation I'm I'm invited to the wedding so they're tell telling him can we see the invitation please he pulls the invitation out of his pocket he's so soaking wet there's nothing left from the invitation so they're telling me we're very sorry we can't accept it this is not an invitation you got to go home so he tolds him no no no no you have you have a mistake I was invited this is an invitation check your lists no no no we sorry we can't let you in so they're telling him he tell him me you know what I went through I was look at me I was mobbed I was robbed I was bat up I'm starving I didn't eat anything all day long so they're telling oh you're hungry no problem so they take out a plate of sushi and a bottle of seven up and they give him here eat bakas and he's telling them please no you got to let me in I'm invited you can't go in so he looks through the gate and he sees the King sitting at the head table right next to the king sits the son the groom and right next to the King on this side sits the guy who came with all the fancy schmancy stuff and he tells them please let me in I'm invited to the wedding no he cannot come in if you're hungry we'll give you another plate of sushi so the story comes to teach us something very very simple we all are invited to the wedding and we're all going to get to the wedding the question is how you going to get to the wedding what's going to be the process what's going to be the way to the wedding and when you're finally there where are you going to be are you going to be next to the king or you going to going to be outside blood wet with a plate of sushi and they're telling you you come come in the question is this life is the preparation of how we're going to set the eternity what you do in this world it echoes in eternity what you do in this world will affect where you're going to sit in the wedding do you want to sit next to the King For Eternity and get all that goes with the King and going the the journey all nice and smooth or you want to get up there with beating up and being beat up from all directions and and at the end you're still outside a lot of people say yeah I have a security I'm there yeah you might be outside and you might look inside be like oh what did I miss I'm stuck outside right now then what so who the way you conduct your life here you setting up you build the investment for eternity for eternity you have now 60 70 80 years if you're lucky to set your investment every second you can grab another Mitzvah another Mitzvah another good deed another good thought you know how I saw this world in a very simple way imagine you take a person and you tell this person you have 3 hours to go in into this jewelry store and everything that's in the store you can take it's yours 3 hours so one person will come and be like I don't want anything I have a watch it's a nice watch I don't need to go in I don't need anything one person will say oh okay so he'll put some jewelry in his pocket some watches some rings some earrings some diamond rings the third and smart one would say what you telling me for 3 hours I can do here whatever I want he goes home and bring boxes and starts putting in the boxes all the jewelry all the watches all the earrings all the diamonds this is this world Hashem tells you you have 60 70 80 years in this world whatever you want it's yours free just take so one person will be I don't need it another person will be like okay I'll take a few here Mitzvah there Mitzvah the smart person says what you mean that every second I can grab another mitvah another mitvah another mitvah I a smart person realizes the opportunity in this world not to really to say ah okay I'll do here once a week I'll go to a and once every month I'll do this you're missing out you're missing out every second in this world you're grabbing a Mitzvah if you would know what's a Mitzvah you would not stop running after mitv if I would have to compare to money what's a Mitzvah then one mitv is $500 billion so you make 100 Mitzvah a day just imagine what's going on in your bank and you can't even compare that it's you can't even compare the eternity what's one second in this world every second you are stepping on diamonds all you have to do is grab them so to tell you my entire story there's no point the point is that you need to leave out of this room and say how am I grabbing these diamonds every day where am I getting better how am I securing that my eternity is full of these diamonds this mitv and more than that not to think just of yourself and say oh I'll just me I'll put all these diamonds in the boxes go call all your family and friends because everything is free to keep this for yourself that's nice Shem is very happy when you're very from when you're very religious but the more religious religious you get Hashem looks in you and tells you what about your friend why aren't you inviting your friend to a sh why aren't you inviting your friend to a sud Shabbat why don't you tell your friend to put F in why don't you convince your friend to come to another sh light candles it's not enough just looking at our own area you have to constantly every every little person wake them up so in a second we're going to go I'll give you time to ask whatever you want a quick short announcement if Shalom you use Facebook then I have a very busy page on Facebook that I load a a lot of classes there a lot of shim a lot of posts if you don't don't get close to it but if you're already on it then at least utilize the time go look my name ala there's cards at the end you can take it there's a website where I have my video on it you can spread the video tell people they weren't able to be here to go and look at the video the video is on YouTube is on everywhere you look the video is there if somebody wants to have CDs you can order I I send you I'll send you the mail DVDs with a with a with a video of it like RAB an said before if you have a community you have a Sho you have a place you want to invite me I go everywhere they fly me everywhere I've been to Australia to England to Israel everywhere they fly me I speak every night you can invite me even if it's for 20 people if it's a little room it's a little house a little Yesa you can invite me but more than that the only thing that I can really leave you from this night is that every little thing that you do in this world echoes in eternity every little thing that you do like putting your leg into a paddle of water you see this Ripple another Ripple that's how it is in this world so I wish you great success in all that you do everything you should do should be should be blessed from hasem whoever needs should have it in in in great a whoever needs a should get married by the way who needs Health should have a lot of health and kids everything should be and we should marry to and should happen very speed in our days and every Mitzvah that we do ra says that right now the world is 50/50 only we only need this one little Mitzvah that will tilt the world to and we do not know who's this Jew and what's this mitvah that will do that so we have a great great mission to to completely shift the world and it's m it's literally in our days and it's all in our hands every little Mitzvah makes a big difference every time you stop yourself from doing something a clean a pure thought about to say something a lie stop it every little thing is a huge difference people come and tell me ah you know I do the big things I keep Shabbat and I put F on and I do this and this very nice but all the little things I don't do because I don't see any importance to that D the little things are important there's not one thing the Mish tells you be very careful with the little mitzvas not like the big ones because you don't know the Merit of each little mitvah i l people say oh I'm religious I'm doing this I'm doing this I'm doing this but here to lie that's okay here that's fine here I do this it's it's okay every little Mitzvah every little thing every little second is a huge in the eyes of hem a lot of people think that the little things don't make sense ohem cares when I put F on ohem cares when I keep Shabbat yeah also cares when you do the little things when you shut your mouth at the right second when you close your eyes at the right second when you move your hand from the wrong place every little thing a thought that you're stopping yourself from doing it's a huge thing every little thing when I was up there they showed me every little little things how I saw how in hashem's eyes you know even dragging the tiit on the floor says it's to drag the on the floor that was looked on upon like this wow look what he did said that even if the this the string is hanging down while you're taking it off o and here I see people I go to shoes I see them dragging the fine on the floor Hashem looks at every little thing and every little thought every little thing even if the whole day you you couldn't stand the you failed this you failed this you failed this you failed that don't look at all the bad what you didn't do look how much good you can do every little thing you can do a little bit of light diminishes a lot of Darkness so I wish you great success in all that you do if any of you have questions please feel free to ask and I don't know how when we have to live here but once they tell us to live well you can uh let me leave yes those eyes all the of all the Jews from all generations everybody including the people who are alive if you if you said that you were port with so much knowledge and you came like you feel like your Genius and when you came back and you remembered that you were there and whatever happened and what was pour into You Why didn't it stay why you still didn't have the knowledge of all those things that need to be done in this world I'm just going to repeat the question in case of somebody didn't hear he's asking if I saw all the wisdom of the universe and all this went through me and I saw it and experienced it how could it be that when I came back here I didn't have anything of it and the answer is very very simple take now this cup stand under nagra falls and try to catch the water and you're only going to catch this because your cup Your Vessel can only hold a very limited amount of water I wasn't even a vessel to hold this information if you want to hold this information you have to have a vessel the can come up to sh see everything if he doesn't have a vessel a CLE that it created in this world it will not hold anything the sared Is What You Did In This World What You Did In This World creates this CLE this vessel then studying T every little thing you do you make a CLE so if a person lives down in this world and all day long was running after mitv every Mitzvah that he do it's like a hard drive so one memory card is 12 megabytes one me memory card is two gigs and one memory card is 120 gigs technology can teach us a lot about elut the same size little thing how can you see how many gigs go in little piece of plastic same with the Nish the Nish can inflate spiritually can inflate and S the more mitv you do the greater Your Capacity the more MAA you can not only see but hold so I didn't even have a vessel to hold anything so it was just washing me so I saw it I experienced the the pleasure the the impression State cuz I remember a lot of things when I came back to this world I remember I knew things when I used to go to this Rabbi to the I was like wait a minute I remember this when I first went into yes and I started learning I was like I remember these these things but the most most of it I didn't remember nothing stay mainly because I didn't have a CLE to hold it the whole point and this is the concept ofah because the of theah is the mitvah is the fact that you are sitting in ganeden the sits in ganeden and is here and a greater sad is here and a greater is here has mot and the more you did in this world the greater the capacity is going back to the m that I said the closer you are to the king so you can be in ganed and you can be a very nice Jew but sit in what's called ganed ton in a very low level everything is fine but you look up there and the eyes of the doesn't have but the eyes of burn from what it can't see what somebody in the m above it is that's why sh sit in ganeden and they look down to the world and if they have the opportunity to come down to the world they come down because I understand wait a minute right now I'm here in ganeden and if I go down to the world I have to go through all all has to go through all the worlds down into a body into go through Labor has to live his entire life go through sins and and and and these problems then die then go through all the process the has to go up there the makes a calculation I can go through all this but in this world I can do aah I can to sit for five minutes then right now I'm in gedan here I'll where it sit for five minutes then I can go to gedan here the understands the the the concept of going down it's to go higher and the more you want to go higher told you I want to give you more but go down there do a lot of mitv that you'll have a greater capacity to hold more Godly Revelation so my only problem was that I didn't even have a CLE That's why nothing was stayed and it made me realize how what's every second here you're expanding The Vessel another mitvah another another and we can't fathom it in our brain what it means one mitvah I always give the same example one time I was coming back from a lecture like this it was Upstate in in in Westchester so when I came out it was like 3: in the morning 7 hour lecture my mind was like and I knew I have an hour to drive home so my first instinct was okay I'm going to put a nice CD on turn the music on open the window sit like this wind on my air relax I put the CD on I play the music and then I was like wait a minute what am I again again out of an hour listen to music and going like this I can take this CD out put a CD of a Torah class and learn toora for a whole hour so what am I going to gain here I'm going to gain a headache because I'm going to be like this for an hour and the wind will feel very nice on my face and on the other hand I gain a whole hour of Li T so you you you measure to these two like of course I want this this is nonsense so every second second in the day you can say can I do this oh I can do this should I do this no I can do this that's what it means there's a lot of explanations but every second in this world you're grabbing another storage for this Godly Revelation and that's the CLE that's how you build the CLE another another another another good deed another every little thing your day has 24 hours the year has 365 years when the comes down to this world Hashem tells you you have exactly the time there's no such a thing the knows exactly how much time it came down to the world and it has a mission to complete in this time and every second that it doesn't complete it it's missing out and it basically goes up to sh and it didn't serve so every second here not only that you fulfilling your entire Mission also you building this CLE and then you're able to get the entire Godly Revelation what the sits in GED and enjoys this gim and in the time of and mashia we still need that because you know there's going to be this Godly light shining in the world it says when comes takes out the Sun out of its out of its like a socket and the the rash they Melt from the Heat and wow so the more you have a capacity the more you enjoy in this world who was the judge they say every generation I couldn't see I know I couldn't see anyone some people see the judges he was asking who was the judge I couldn't see anyone I was so huh no Shem just stands there there there's judges in the court like exactly like you said in each generation sometimes it's theim of the generations I know a few people that I spoke to had similar things they their judge was the Ben was different sadim I was in such a low level they didn't even let me see who's judging me I couldn't see anything but the thing is no hasem doesn't judge you you know who judges you yourself that's how it is they they put no not the shame they what they do the they put they show the Nish a sin and they tell the Nish okay you judge it and the says oh I think it should get this and this and this or like this and like that and then they tell the N that is you so they let you judge your own your own judgment that's why we learn to constantly to give every person because you get used to constantly people to So eventually you're going to do you're going to judge yourself to kav and then you say oh no this poor person look at the had give give him a break and then they're telling him okay that's you so mainly the judgment is you but there are Judges that that I wasn't able to see I don't know who they were she yeah exactly yes you talking about a vessel earlier is there anything a person that could do that they break down the vessel yeah when a person doesn't he makes a crack take now a cup and crch it you break it yeah you really the thing is that any time that you do good a Mitzvah or you refrain from an A you build the vessel Shalom a person did a yeah he broke some of the vessel it's a problem it's a big thing a lot of people say oh I have a lot of mitv I'll be fine you're not going to be fine because if you damage your vessel you know this this is where it comes a little bit more complex the vessel is one thing the leim of the of the neish is a different thing but the the the broad answer is yes a person can damage his vessel a person can live his life 10 20 years religious and then go off the D and be completely and you know even though the Mitzvah remains with you forever but the mitvah actually the of theah is taken away from that person when a person does a sin and at that particular second he's judged in sham he's called rash at this point everything that he has is taken away till he does so a person with his wrong actions ruins the vessel in this world right yes wait wait hold on do you still see your future huh do you still see your future if I see my future do you still see uh what I saw I remember a lot of the things and I saw it a lot of it happened already but I don't walk around and give but H but when I you know that that night when I I went into the room and the rabbi and the the whole party that's the first night I saw my wife from across the room and I recognized her and only half a year later the rabbi did a shid between us and I he tells me I have a nice girl for you to meet and he tells me here it is and I look at her I'm like okay if you if you insist but but when she walked into the car I looked at her and I was like that's my wife so every time we have a kid I tell my wife we have a girl we have a boy a lot of the things I remember but the big things I don't remember I don't remember the lottery numbers and I don't remember who's going to win the Super Bowl and but I remember General things yes okay so do you live your life based on what you saw of your life in the future or is it going based on what how you saw it neither what I saw yeah what I saw I first of all I don't remember most of it what I remember is very general things I remember my wife I remember all my kids how the they looked I remember my wedding I remember certain events in my life how many so far five but we're not done h a lot of the events in my life already happened and a lot of the things happen and when it happened I was like oh I remember it kind of like a deu but the real thing but the real real deu so what language did you communicate in Alles just Hebrew you remember oh like actual Hebrew what we speak no the thing is that the communication h no that it's MES but the thing is that this is where it's very difficult to explain because there wasn't words there wasn't a sound there wasn't an ear to hear it's a kind of like a dream now in a dream there's no sounds and in a dream there's no voices and in a dream there's not really a word you understand everything it's called H you understand and one second you here and one second you there and one time you hear and you look at your father in the dream it doesn't look like your father everything is aish in the dream this is like you know how we say this world is the dream and when I came back down to this world it was like waking up to the dream like we think we're alive this is like a dream and how I felt there was magnified like the real thing so there wasn't really words it was in a level that I don't know how to explain it how you was mentally after all that how I was mentally how I didn't lose it you know when puts you back in the Goof wow and why took 4 and half years until to be two years two years cuz when you're 28 years old and you live your life a certain way and suddenly you have to stop everything that's not easy you say okay I was like I'll do this I'll do this I'll do this but P now you're telling me every day it's a it's not an easy life so you know when you in the life so in the half basically there was nothing nothing that you keep like something not even one thing what about now your my parents can when I grew up the only thing that I did when I grew up was they taught me in school which wasn't the real thing so kanuka for me was eight day off school P was three weeks off school sukot two weeks vacation that was you know and everything was that was taught in school in Israel they tell you the story but they take AEM out of it so I knew a lot of things you live in Israel you can't not know I had friends in the army that were religious it's not that I didn't know I hated it I used to do a barbecue to to annoy my neighbors I was like very hateful like a lot of the Israelis so whatever I knew I decided and I CH that was my problem because if you don't know anything you know the posim of all generation says what do you want from him he's a little boy he's a baby he was a baby that was captured benim how the calls it that's if you don't know but you don't know you don't get judged but if you know you have a problem in that two did you get any message from hasem like every day hasem was holding my hand at that two years I was met like a prophet every day was holding my hands these two years were Miracle over Miracle over miracle I have stories from from that time because I needed you asked how I didn't become M cuz I had AEM holding my hand telling me every day you're good yes your parents were religious I can hear you your parents were religious that time when I became no my parents are not religious at all when you were a child nothing nothing now but when I grew up nothing we didn't have nothing in the house not K nothing my mom didn't do candles anything not Kosher PES was a meal it wasn't a it was a meal and presents in two weeks of school the the the the the even whatever was religion was wasn't religion so I didn't have anything at home when you was there you saw your parents crying when you came down here did you them kind of no the can this is something that our mind cannot understand but the same way that Hashem sees forward and knows what's going to happen it's like if the could like as if they showed me what could have happened how the Del who how how do thousands of people believe my story something of course for the thing is how with my parents it was very hard for me to tell my parents the story cuz I I knew my mom is going to so for the first two years nobody knew anything then I told them I became religious and they were like why are you religious I'll tell you one time so and the beginning was very hard for them because they thought I'm Misha and they they was it took for them a while to realize that I'm actually the same person so you moved here after the Army yeah now only after like four or five years when my brother-in-law died then I told my parents oh then I told everybody because then you know I had to open the can of worms then everything came out but it was very hot can you imagine me telling my mom yeah I I took drugs I overdose in the backseat of a car and it was nothing you know but you know I couldn't break my mother's heart but even before that there already started you know H here my father started putting my mother started lighting candles now but uh it's not easy to become religious K yes you remember the uh 10 minutes do you remember 10 minutes do you remember like the first safeer you took out when you like embarked on your uh journey of like becoming Jewish uh and religious what was the first book the first saer you did like dependently that you like started like was it like a small book like I'm sure you didn't just jump into like uh doing Zohar and everything like was it like the first book was somebody gave me a but the I started just reading all the all the little things like was like the next like next you learn some uh I started kind of being right away the whole this this everything so mostly your learning didn't come from like did it come from Independent Learning or was it just being given to you you know like cuz the first year and a half I didn't learn anything then when I came to New York I right away went to Yesa so right away when I my mind was already okay I got to become religious so I was ready I like took off my my not religious jacket and I just dived in so right away I I was already the CLE to start everything so I learned everything I was like already thirsty I had to to to catch up big time so I just covered everything of course with the time I started learning more I started learning you know more different like sources coming from like everywhere well the thing is when you start becoming religious and you want to do it the right way and there's an order how you want to do it you first you you want to learn Mish before you were learn the and then you want to learn then you learn then you start learning the and you you can just come and I want to be really just give me the hardest gamar you have to also learn the the the how to learn it you have to learn that the Lang language so but the first and easiest is to take and to learn the basics what I'm what I'm allowed to do and what I'm not allowed to do then when you already kind of mastered that you're like okay now I know what I'm allowed to what I'm not allowed to now let me learn where it comes from now let me learn the reason for that now let me but you can't like say oh I'm just I just like this you you need you know the entire thing Torah learning Torah is like nutrition you can't just have water or just fruits or just vitamins you need everything you need minerals vitamins everything so the Tora is exactly the same which one which one you were the first one was mon then I moved to Brooklyn then I started going through different then I end up in what's called in Brooklyn and I actually till today I'm there because Thea is something out of this world so I still I still earned their half a day why do why does everybody say that by time because war in get everybody' beenen a lot of uh the thing is like this first of all there's many Sim in in were before well no not exactly no not exactly how it is now but not how it's now the thing is that there's different sources inar that tell you how the before the mashiah will be which matches exactly to now the sources in the Zohar that tells exactly what's going to happen and it's 100% like now the sources inal that explains there's a lot a lot of different sources that tells you exactly and it's 100% not 50 years 40 years 30 years besides that you know many gim in our generation that they in their or in their level say it's there besides in the actual there's different that you know a lot of people don't don't really know about them that so everything this is M the time M till the do now nobody knows can be a year Shalom can be three years can be five years Shalom the way how I saw it it was like around the corner now you know the the the G can come in in two different ways either beo at the time that it's scheduled to come and we don't want that to happen because it means we're going to have to wait or which means that we work we bring enough merits to am Isel and the g comes faster how and fast we can do it it all depends on us but there there's many and enough sources that sew everything together that tells you it's m not in the 70s in y war and not in the 80s in the it's now and there's so many things that point and exactly how it's going to be that kind of you kind of have to be not normal in your mind to look at the world and say oh it's normal and it will get better if you just judge the world in the last decade you see the whole world is going to a a place it can't be reversed even you really have to be blind to look at the world and say n mashiah is not coming just how the world is revolving so besides that there's enough sources that actually pinpoint that the G is very very close and I I how I saw it it looked like literally every day you saw years ago huh you years ago no how it looked every day now not then no you're saying when you yeah yeah then when it when I saw it 13 years ago it looked like how now it's Oto not 13 years ago Oto it's very close Shalom the way we are now that we're like literally in the middle all it needs is a few and we're back in a minus a VI and we're like a ship rocking that's why we need now every mitvah every Jew that adds that comes back it's just for our Merit and you can see even like if you literally read all the scriptures and you follow everything around you you got to you got to really be blinded to not see see that it's that the is