Looking Up Instead of Around: Breaking Free From Hopelessness | Charlie Harary | Tisha B'Av

When you leave it every single year, you kind of hope you don't come back. And when you come back, you wonder why in the world or say honestly, you say, "Hashem, please whatever you want, please put into my mouth. Hashem, Hashem should put the right words in. We should be this is the last year of of Galut and see the world of of Gah." I want to tell you the speech tonight. is entirely from a rabbi that I'm close to in Israel. Last year we spoke about it as well. His name is Mosha Levi. He lives in Benbra. He's a rabbi that I've been close to for almost a decade. I called him on Friday. He downloaded yod that I've never heard before and I have no idea how I'm going to try to share them. If you hear something you like, just give him the credit directly. Leave me out of it completely. If you hear something that you don't like, assume that on the way down, my head messed it up. So, let's make sure that's clear. Nothing here should be taken as something that is mine. It is not. It doesn't belong to me. So, the rabbi and I had a conversation on Friday, and I'm just going to share with you that conversation through my time mind. One of the great mistakes that we make as he said to me was when you get to we assume that the goal of a is to be sad. Somewhere along the line they told us that if you're sad you're y So we try to tell stories of terrible things. If you can get in a good cry before tomorrow, you win. Then you sit up and you just count till you're done. Bagel tomorrow night, then you have Shabas, which is the celebration that you don't have to have for another year. The two happiest holiday, what are the two happiest Shabbat to of the year? Shabas, which means no Shaba and Sukkot, which is no kipur. That's the way we see the world. And so I got to get sad tonight. And if I can get sad tonight, somehow manufacture it for me. I don't really miss the beta migdash. I never met the beta midash. Really, let's be honest. Like it's it's if you're sitting on the floor, you could be straight. If there's a night of the year, we could just talk straight. We don't miss the beta mikdash. Let's stop pretending a thousand, 2,000, 3,000. We've never been there before. We don't know what it's like to have a corban. We just want a better galut. So that's why we got to tell stories about this guy and that guy and all the things bad happening in the world because we're scared and scared because what scared means is my galut is not good enough. I I would otherwise feel secure here and it'll be fine. Give me some more money. So you you give me an anti-semite, I get scared. Ah I'm not getting I'm not missing Hashem in Israel. I just want here to be good. But how do I manufacture sadness? scare me about my galut. Then I'm like, "Oh, I want better galut." I get in a cry, check the box, here comes the bagel shabas. What's really the goal? How do we fix this thing? So, let's go back to the story. Every year with Hashem's help, we tell the story. And the beauty of Torah is that it is so deep. It is so rich that when Hashem says something in the book that is so filled with meaning that you could spend your entire life you see you hear of he would finish and start. Finish and start. It's an amazing concept. Finish and start. Why? Because just when you finish you start because it's getting deeper and deeper and deeper. You think cuz you snorkel you see the ocean. You think when you scuba dive you see the ocean. You tell the same story again and again and it reapplies. You pray again and again and reapply is one of the great stories that are why we're here for tonight. The anniversary of tonight was the time where Hashem brought the Jewish people to Cananan. And they go into Cananan with the spies. We all know the story. And they come out of Cananan with the spies and they start to cry. Tonight they're crying. Picture they are in the desert crying. Why are they crying for? because they walked into Erits Canadan and they saw giants. They just came out of Egypt. They were in it's PTSD. They're Holocaust survivors. 210 years. They don't know how to fight. They didn't fight Egypt. Hashem fought Egypt. They cry all the time. They cried in Egypt. Hashem saved them. They cried by the Yamsuf. Hashem saved them. They cried. Hashem gave them order. This is what they do. They're growing up. What do you expect from them? They walk in, they see giants. They don't know how to fight wars. They see this guy huge. Their fruits are huge. They come out, they start to cry. You know why they cried? Because they're scared. That's not for nothing. That's for fear. A minute ago, they cried and Hashem split a sea. 10 minutes earlier, they cried. Hashem showed up. You know why they cried for? Because they were legitimately scared. Hashem says, "You what? You cried for nothing?" Oh, wait. Just wait. Can I ask you a question? Was it really for nothing? Was it really for nothing? They just came out of Egypt. They walk in, they see giants. What are you going to fight a war with with with your wife and your children? You go up against giants with your family. The whole nation walks in. That's for nothing. 10 minutes ago, you cried. God splits a sea. Now you cry. God says, "Not only am I going to punish you, I'm going to possibly wipe you out and then forever." Does that make sense? We're going to nod it through again. Another another year. Yeah. What? What's the What's the extra means for nothing? But here's another question. When you think about it, there's another that we use a lot. You know, we use a lot of But what does that story have to do within? And can I tell you something? If you really think about it, every year we talk about how do you really feel like you have a little bit? Fine. You're a human being. Do we hate each other for real? We don't do for each other. We don't take care of each other. You don't give money out of your pockets to someone you don't know. Where what'sam? What does that even mean? So what are we fixing? So we say another year. We nod through it and then what? How you what are you fixing? I don't even understand something. I don't get and I don't get. So what are we doing here? We're playing around. We're playing games. What is going on? What is the goal for tonight? Listen to what the rabbi told me. Listen to this. This is incredible. I hope I can say it with Hashem's help. Please, Hashem. Listen to what he said. Imagine a kid and a little kid, anyone has ever seen a little kid before, it's an incredible thing. Little kids, they come out and they basically are completely incapable of doing anything. They're not they they don't think, they don't know anything. All they know how to do is cry and eat and go to the bathroom. And if you don't have a team around them at all times, they don't I mean, what they can't operate. And we don't realize this, but if you look at the life of a child from birth until 2, three, they're in pain a lot. There's a lot of crying going on with kids. You don't see adults cry as much as you see little kids cry. They're always crying. Even when good kids are crying when they're hungry, they're crying. When they're tired, we're crying. When they're dirty, they're crying. They're constantly crying. They get older and they're still crying. Maybe the crying is a little different. They're fetching. But if you see little kids grow up, you'll find something amazing. Little kids 0 1 2 3 4 grow so much. It's incredible. By the time you're four years old, everything you have now in your life, you had by four. Eating, sleeping, drinking, reading, every quality you have, all you added was like a little bit Torah, maybe a little math and science, ginick. After that, think of what you did from five until now. It's not that impressive until five. Every life skill you need in your life, you got by five years old. It's an amazing thing. They're growing and growing and growing, but they're always crying and crying and failing and failing. Watch a little kid grow up. It's an amazing thing. The kid tries to walk. He can't. He falls. He can't. He falls. He can't. If it was us, we try twice and we crawl into a car. He keeps on going and going and going. Watch him eat. He keeps on all over the place. The food's all over the place. You ever see a kid in the back of the seat singing a song? He gets like 20% right. And we're all so happy we're taking videos. He looks at the thing goes, "Chee." We're like, "Chee? Wow. Cheetos. Take a picture. Cheetos." If you would take Cheeos now, you take if half a if you get half a word right when you when you're in ninth grade, they give you a 50. They call in your parents. Next thing you know, you're on Roland. You know what I'm saying? You're back then. Forget about it. You're getting 20% right, 30% right, and you're failing, and you're failing, and you're failing, and you're failing. And you know what's amazing about kids? They can fail again and again and again and again and again. You know what they do when they fail? They feel pain. Pain. It's not a joke. They feel pain. Kid falls on the floor. He's crying. The kid's looking for mommy. She's crying. The kids hungry. They feel pain. The kids trying to learn how to read and they at the desk and they feel pain. They don't know how to get the words right. But something amazing happens to that little kid. The second they feel pain, they have an in an instinct to just try to solve the pain. They just try again. They feel a second of pain and they feel full and they're good. They're happy again. They can cry for an hour and all of a sudden you give them the bottle and they're happy. They forgot. They're not mad at you forever. You could forget a feeding. They're not going to hold the grudge from ages 1 to three. Oh, you remember when I was one years old, you married you and Mr. Bottle? They can fall and get up and fall and get up and fall and get up and it's an amazing thing. It's amazing. You watch kids learning how to walk and mommy is freaking out because her next door neighbor's kid learned how to walk two months earlier and she's having a panic attack. That kid is not upset. He doesn't lose hope. The kid mom's like, "I can't believe I should call the doctor." Kid's like, "I got this, ma. Relax." And he tries and he tries and he gets it. He doesn't feel bad about himself. She doesn't feel bad about herself that she only knows 20% of the song. She doesn't feel bad about herself that he keeps on trying to go to the bathroom but he doesn't know how to and the whole house is a mess. They don't feel bad. They just keep on pain fixing it. Pain fixing it. And it's an amazing thing. You see the little kids nothing's getting in their way. And then all of a sudden what h something happens that little kid becomes eight and nine and 10 and they come home and they can't get reading and they turn to mommy and they say I can't get reading. And mommy goes okay let's keep on trying. They go mommy no I can't get reading because I'm dumb. Mommy goes says you're dumb. I'm dumb. What? The kids in the house making jokes. Next thing you know he goes to school. He comes back from school. He does house making jokes. What's the matter? I'm not funny. I thought you were funny. The kid's diving on the couch catching footballs with his dad. Next thing you know, two, two, three years later, I hate sports. What do you hate sports for? What happened a minute ago, you'd falling it up, falling it up, falling it up, falling it up. All of a sudden, you wake up one morning and you determine you're not good at sports. You're not funny. You're not pretty. You're dumb. What? Who told you? You failed. Don't we know how to do this? You pick up and you keep on rolling. But now you fail and you feel depressed. Now you fail and you feel sad. Now you fail and you can't. Who told you you can't? You know who told them they can't? Nobody. But you know, we live in life. And the way life works is you grow up in a world with other people. And that little kid used to have just one mommy and daddy, but now he has 15 kids in his classroom. It's okay. It's life. Let's just let's just call it out tonight. It's dish aba. Let's figure this out. Just life. When you're getting 20% right in the song in the back, mommy's taking videos. When you get 20% right in class, they're having meetings about you because there's some other kid in the class that got 100% right on the first turn. So, you must not be able to catch up at your grade level. When you're catching passes on the bed the coach the couch with your dad, you're the greatest player in the world. When you go to school in the backyard and they're picking kids for the class and you drop a pass, every kid stops picking you first and now you stop playing the sport. What happened in the life of that kid? What happened in the life of the kid is called others? You live in a world with other people and you live in a world with other people, those other people starts to trigger something in your eyes. Listen closely. Last year if you were here we sp imagine a year ago we spoke about a mida called kin. Kin a comes from the Greek virus of competition. If you have something I feel like I want that. But the rabbi said to me listen to this. There's another aspect of kina that you don't understand that is even more powerful. There's a mid called kin. Kin a means jealousy. But there's a jealousy that's aggressive jealousy. You have it. I want it. But there's another jealousy. There's a depressive jealousy. The guy wins first place and raises a trophy. His second place guy wants the first place. The 10th place kid says, "I knew I was bad at running." Why do you know you're bad at running for? Cuz I'm jealous. You're so far from who I am that my jealousy is I can't even recognize it. It's turning into sadness. I'm not enough. There's a mida of kinh that comes out when we want what someone has. But there's a hidden mida that's even more powerful that is impacting our lives and makes us sad and makes us hopeless and makes us feel like we can't and even makes us feel depressed. And that mida is called kinah. And the kina that we feel is other people have it and I don't and I can't look at that person's life. They figured out how to make money and I can't. There's something wrong with me. Look at that marriage. Come here. Take a young couple. Let's look at someone else's marriage. Look how perfect they look on the screen. Even though it took them 40 pictures and stopped fighting for two seconds and then they re re we messed up the picture with all this cool stuff. But still, look at the backdrop. That's fake. But look at the backdrop. I feel like we're less. You know the joke? Everyone to the right of me is a fanatic. Everyone to the left of me is barely Jewish. Why are they fanatics? Well, because I see you. And if you look more religious than me or you act or talk in a way that triggers me, you threaten me. I'm jealous. But it's not a jealousy that I want what you have. I just feel less in your presence. There's a mid kina that we have that comes into our lives as we go through life. And sometimes it manifests as I want and sometimes it manifests as I can't and it makes us give up. The rabbi says, listen to what he says. If you look at depression, again I'm not getting into clinical trauma, forget that sadness, atoot, I can't that feeling that we all feel. I'm not enough. I'm giving up. I can't fight through failure. I can't become more. I feel pain in my life for the lack and my my failures. There's pain in my relationships. I'm not the best husband. I'm not the best wife. I'm not the best son. I'm not the best Jew. I have pain in my relationships. I can feel the loss of what could be. And the way I dealt with pain when I was little was I was able to look at pain and get better and better and better. I never gave up. I sang that song 80 times. I crawled until I could walk. I read until it was possible. I knew pain. Pain means keep on going. Pain means focus. Pain means I can get there. Pain is an excitement for I'm going to figure it out. But once there's other people in my life that have it already, that pain means I'm not enough. The sadness, the I can'tness, the brokenness of our people because we see each other and what makes us jealous we feel. If somebody else has something, it must mean that I can't get it. I'm not first or second place. I'm 10th place. And I can't push through the pain. I can't recognize that there's a there's a there's a gap in my relationship to Hashem. I'm not the best Jew because I'm not perfect. And Hashem says, "I put you on this earth not to be perfect. Why aren't you working towards me? Where have you gone? I can't." Who says you can't? Look at all the people that can. Why aren't you killing to be a good spouse? You're alive. I gave you a spouse. So what? There's pain. Fight to make it better. Why aren't you figuring out every single day how I could be a better person? How come when you hit the floor during tifila? How come when you hit the floor during naim? How come when you hit the floor during your family fights, why don't you get up in the morning and go, "Yes, I can. You did it when you were one. You did it when you were two. What changed? Now you're smarter. Now you can do it better. You can go get classes. You can figure it out. Why aren't you excited every day of your life to get better? You if God gave you the ability, why don't you wake up every morning and say, "I today's going to be better. My shock's going to rock. Okay, hits the floor. I'm going to I'm going to learn more. I'm going to be stronger. I'm going to be better and smarter. Oh my god, Hashem, you gave me another day. You gave me another day. You gave me the whole world to anytime. I can go anywhere in the world and learn classes. I could be better. I can say I'm sorry. I can learn new parts of myself. I can be vulnerable. I could be so much more. And every day and every year in my whole life when I'm done, I can be the best. I can't I can I'm so excited. Of course, I failed. Welcome to my life. I've been failing since I was born. Failure is the process of growth. I know that. That's how I learned how to read. That's how I learned how to walk. That's how I learned how to eat. You see what my house looked like for the first year of my life before I was figuring out how to put that food in my mouth. I didn't go out to go to the bathroom for the first part of my life. I learned. I learned. I learned. I learned. Why do we wake up in the morning every day of our lives and are so pumped to get better? Why doesn't the pain that we feel that of the loss of who we can be trigger and excitement to keep on getting better? Because we have kin. But it's not the kin of last year that we spoke about. I want what's yours. It's a much deeper, much more powerful, much more destructive kinha. The rabbi says it's a kina of I'm not good enough. I can't I can't cuz if I were to look at this rabbi, look how holy he is. I can't be like that. Look at this couple walking down the street staring at each other. It's like gross, man. We can't be like that. I heard a story of a guy whose son said, "Daddy, can you help me?" He turned the world upside down and he cared about his kid turned him into a Tamil Kam. I can't. I I yelled at my kid yesterday. Look at this world. Look how successful people are. Look how this guy can figure out how to make. Look at this woman. Look how she's able to dress so Look how Look at the We think it's that we're less we're jealous. But the jealousy is manifesting as hopelessness, depression. I can't atood sadness. And God looks at us and goes, "Are you crazy? What what happened to you? You're my little kid. I put you in this earth in the fourth quarter of Jewish history. What are you What happened to you? You're my little boy. You're my little girl. Wait, I got you. I'm holding you up. I'm your parent. When you were one, you cried to me. How come when you're 50, you stopped? What happened? Why are you looking left and right? Why aren't you looking down? I'm holding you up. You're on my shoulders. I've given you your life. I've put you in this world. Yes, I've made you stumble. You know why? Cuz you're human. And if you wouldn't stumble, what do I need you on this earth for? To not stumble. You know the Kutskarbi son-in-law, I believe, was the abner. And he there was a story that he got sick. Surely Besser has a great book on Kudsk. Everyone should buy it. the Kudskar Rebi and Abnes I believe his son-in-law got sick and they came to him and said pray for him and the Kudka says why he says because he's such a and he's a mid and he goes he's not such a kam and they were like imagine the father-in-law the kid's sick the father goes like relax everyone's so offended your son-in-law is okay everyone's like oh they're so offended and he and all of a sudden if gets better and they go rabbi why' you say that about your son-in-law. He goes, "If I would say my son-in-law is perfect, what do we need him in the earth for? I want Shemay to hear. He's not so perfect. The Rex for them to say he's not so perfect. I He was supposed to be perfect. Okay, I got to give him more years to work." Are you kidding me? Perfection. Hashem wants perfection. Yala. Hashem wants workers. Failure. Hit the floor. Get back up. You know, one time I called the rabbi and I said I said I he gave me mousar for something and I I I I was upset. So he hung up the phone. So I called back the rabbi. I called him back and he says, "What's what's the matter?" I said, "But I thought I was doing okay." Goes, "Okay." No one's doing okay. I'm like, "What?" He goes, "Everyone's on a ladder. You go up, you come down. You go up, you come down. Come on. Life's not about being okay. Keep on growing. And then you fall. Then you keep on growing. And then you fall. It's that's called being alive. So he tells me the story. He says like this, listen to the story. Goes, "Imagine there two boys and this is what taba is really about." So he tells me he was there two boys. The father's away for on on a on a business trip and he's got two boys in the house. two, let's say, eight-year-old, let's say 10-year-old boys. So, the father comes back and the boys miss their dad. And so, one boy says, "My father loves coffee." My father comes home. I'm going to make sure he's got a hot cup of coffee. The car pulls in. The kid runs to the kitchen. Cup of coffee. Hot, perfect glass mug. Waits at the door for his dad. He's got another boy, his brother, and he says, "My father's coming home from work. I remember last week from trip last week, he was looking for his slippers. He couldn't find them. I knew where they were. I got my dad the slippers." And when I got my dad the slippers, he was so touched that in his pocketed $100 bill. So tell me, he goes, "And I gave he gave me a hundred." He said, "This is perfect timing for another hundred." You know, this is like great timing. He said, "I come home. He doesn't have his slippers. He's on the I can score." So the dad comes in and he sees the slippers in one hand and like his hand out like this, you know, another kid just standing with a cup of coffee and the dad sizes it up in a second. He looks at one son and he says, "Thanks." He looks at other son with the coffee and he goes, "I'm so h Thank you. It was selfless. You did it just for me." The boy goes upstairs to his room. That the slipper boy. Yeah. The slipper boy goes upstairs to his room. What should the slipper boy be thinking to himself right now? I messed up. I've got my father. He comes home from work. He gives me my whole life. What's wrong with me? My brother got it right. Just give. I have to ask in return. I should ask myself, what does Hash what does what does my father want from me? Just give him. He's not going to take care of me. I'm asking for $100. Am I nuts? Look at how be Look how much nat he had for my brother. My brother just gave selflessly. And he had so much nas. I didn't realize that just giving my father a slippers just with my full heart would have opened up his eyes and made that smile. I saw the way he smiled at my brother and I thought to myself, what is wrong with me? But what happens when that brother has a little that kin ah the jealousy. What does he say? My brother, this is who he loves. You know what? The slippers was much harder than the coffee. I had to go downstairs. They were they were gross. I picked them up. I brought them upstairs. What's the big deal? My father doesn't care about He always loved my brother more. He always cared about my brother more. He was my brother. Always my brother. That's what it is. He loves my brother. I can't believe it. The first time had the kid not said that that the before he would have thought that had he just said I want my father to like all his eyes to open up before he thinks about his brother's competition what would he done he would have gotten so excited he would have woke up in the morning early in the morning and said daddy your slippers just for you I know how to fix the problem I know what's wrong I'm thinking about myself I should be thinking about you I got it the pain that I felt last night was the pain of you looking at me and knowing that you want me for selfish reasons. I didn't realize that what you really want is to want me for non-selfish reasons. I'm only a kid. I stumbled and I fall and I saw your eyes light up to my brother and I realized a second that I could get better. And I'm used to failing cuz I'm a human being. And you know what? That pain that I feel in you being distant to me, I figured out that if I can just be a little more selfless, I can turn to you and I can be able to be selfless and your eyes will add up to me as well. Daddy, I'm up since 5:00 in the morning. Here are your slippers. Excitement. That night would have been painful. He would have cried that night. But he would woke up in the morning with a br with a fire. He knows how to do it. But the second his eyes go on his brother, the second his eyes go from the as opposed to up to his dad to the side of his brother, he walks on and goes, "You think he's so religious? You think he's so great? Do me a favor. You always loved him more than me. you favored him more than me because you know why? I'm not enough. I didn't I don't learn enough. I don't do things enough. I didn't think about the coffee. I thought about the slippers. I'm this and and he'd wake up in the morning and he'd be sad at depressed. The atmos comes from the fact that his eyes are focused to the side and not focused to the top is not about depression. The rabbi says to is the pain that we feel that we somehow got lost all year. What are we thinking that the dollars coming from a boss? That the security is coming from the police that Iran is being stopped by a bunch of of planes. How did I let my year go by? And all I think about when I turn to Hashem, all I think about is how much money he gives me. How many times do I turn to the and say, "Hashem, I'm praying. Can I get I'm praying. Can I get I'm doing can I get? And I see the way he wants me to be. And I see the pain that I feel that I don't have the I don't have the relationship. I don't feel him walking with me. I could learn better. I could be better. I know I could be better. And that feeling that I feel on is I sit on the floor and what I'm feeling is my life as good as it is still feels empty because I don't feel Hashem smile at me. And it manifests in all the stuff in my life. And it manifests in my family. going to manifest with my wherever it is. But what that feeling feels like if any single one of us is going through anything and we knew that Hashem would come down, smile at us and say just keep on going. You're making me proud. We would walk through walls for him. So what is that feeling that I feel? The feeling that I feel, the pain that I feel into is the pain of how did I let my life go these many years and I'm so focused on myself. I missed the chance to be able to give to Hashem. So, you have to look at me and go, I'm so proud of you. I put you on this earth. I gave you a family. I gave you a life. I gave you breath. I gave you Torah. And what did you give it back to me? You Amazon got me all day? No. And we sit here on the floor and we go at the end of all of it. We're still on the floor. We have to worry about a mayor that we they can't protect us. Are you kidding me? Like, that's what we're up to in our history now. Like, we're still back here. What are we back in Europe? We're sitting in Russia again in the old days. We have to worry about a cassette. This is what we're up to again. This is that end again. Another thing that an anti-semite how many more years we're doing the same thing. We're on the same circle. They hate us. They love us. They hate us. They love us. I'm scared. I'm not scared. It's a joke. Hashem's like, "Hello. This whole world that you're so obsessed with, it's worthless. It's me and you. You're not perfect. I put you on this earth not to be perfect. It's okay. Feel the pain. Sit on the floor. The rabbi says, you know, when we sit on the floor to jaba, you know that to me because you know where the goes to into mourning, the goes on the floor. You know what we do? Like you know when you go to your friend and your friend's hurt and your friend just sits on the floor out of out of depression. You know what you do to your friend? You sit next to him on the floor. Cuz you know why we sit on the floor for? Because the on the floor and we're like, "Hashem, I don't care. I'm sitting with you. I'm just I just want to be with you. You're on the floor. I'm on the floor. It's uncomfortable because I'm next to you, Hashem. Is the time where we're sitting around and we say, I feel the pain, but the pain that I feel is a pain of the lack of Hashem in my life. It's not a pain of losing or winning. But you know what happens if I feel the pain? I realize that I can get it back. I realize that I could be able to fight to be able to get back to Hashem. And if you sit on he says go, if you sit aba tomorrow morning and you're not excited to see how you can fix your life to find Hashem, you missed it. It's about the bagel. It's still about the world. We just want galut. It's the same nonsense. We just want God to give us the $100. It's the same relationship. But if you say to yourself right now, my life is not great. You know why? Because if I don't have Hashem in my life, if I go one more day walking down this street and most of the world, even Jews, don't know that Hashem said, "Stop working on Shabbat, there are people, and they don't even know better that are violating the will of the king in the king's palace. I can't that what kind of world is this? So what if my house is big? What kind of world do I live in when so many people I could have a war in a minute? Hashem could ever win and people think that Donald Trump won the war for us. The whole world is kissing the ring of the president. Kissing the ring of the president. The king of all kings won the war for us and most of the world is kissing the ring of the president. This is the world. I don't want this anymore, Hashem. I want the whole world to see that you run it. I'm pumped. I'm I'm pumped. I'm going to try. I'm going to learn tomorrow. I'm going to try and I'll fail and I'll fail. I'm going to try. I'm going to come home. I'm going to be a better husband. Hashem, I'm with you. It's me and you. I want you. What do I got to do? If you feel excited to try to find Hashem, you're getting to. If you feel depressed, I can't. Not enough. It's because our eyes look around at other people and say, I'm not holy enough. I can't bring Messiah. What are we doing this for? Let me just make a couple of bucks and make my life work. Brogue has a has a pamphlet. You know, Brogue the of Victor Miller's grandson has a great pamphlet that I read. The Shabbat the story of Movitz is sitting in the bunker during the six day war and they're all saying to Helimish Levit sees a lady who's an Aunaf for her whole life many many kids and she stands up in in the bunker and she turns to Hashem and she says all the pain that she felt in her whole life and Hashem I am I'm okay if you please just forgive Clal and get us out of this. He said the next moment that they started to win says this woman was the Maka. This lady that nobody knows her name, the Auna stood up and said, "Hashem, I forgive you. Forgive your people." He said, "The six day there are the six day war was won by a lady you never met. You don't think we could bring goulah the fourth quarter Jewish history. You're sitting on the floor. You don't think you could do it? Why? You know why? Why don't you think you could bring goulah? Why don't you think I could be you? You know why? Because you looked around our whole lives and said, "Ah, I know who's holy." You know why we don't think we can do it? Because of kin. But not the kin. I want it. The kina that I'm not enough. I know me. Do me a favor. I know me. Everyone in this room and everyone watching knows nobody. Nobody thinks my next action is going to bring goulah. Nobody. You know why? Because we spent our whole lives going, "I can't. I'm not enough. I can't. I can't. I can't. Who says you can't? Look at all who can. I heard the stories. I look around the room. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. But is failure's part? No. Just give me a few bucks. Give me what I need in life. Get me to my bagel and shabas naku. And boom. See you next year. Get out of my way until lol. If you're less of an if I'm Ashkenazi, I get all the way to Russashana. Aasta leego. Let me enjoy my summer. See you later. Come on. We're playing. It's like again and again and again. We're just playing around. It's like a joke. You know where this started from? You know where this mentality started from? Started from to I'm almost done. Prepare for initial departure. We're almost done. We're almost It's late. We just stopped the service. We're preparing for initial departure. Initial descent. You know where it started from? It started from Hashem says to the Jewish people, "You're my people. I got you. I got you. You failed. You get up. You fail. You get up. You fail. You get up. Now it's your time. I'm going to bring you into Erits Cananan. I got you. You can do this." And be the people walk in into Erits Cananan and they come out and listen to the words that they say. If it is not clear after hearing their words from the Torah, how much clearer can it get? They come out and they say, "You know why we can't win? Because we are in our eyes like grasshoppers." And God says, "Who told you to look? What are you looking at? Why can't you again? Are you not on my shoulders to hold me? Do you not eat out of the food from heaven? Do you not come from the clouds of glory? You think you're going to walk in, I'm going to leave you at the dusk? You think I'm not going to be with you? No. No. No. How'd you get this? You know how you got this? You walked in with and you looked over and you saw somebody that was bigger than you. My eyes saw somebody else. It was a kina that led to hopelessness. It was a can that led to depression and sadness. You know why I fa I can fail? Because somebody else has better than me. Somebody else is bigger than me. I can't. You know why? God says, "Who says you can't? I'm giving 10. You can. I'm God. I didn't prove myself yet. I a splitzy isn't impressive enough. You You said you can't as you're eating bread from heaven. That's not impressive. You can't." Says who? I'll tell you how we know. We turn to Hashem. You know how I know? My eyes saw giants. And when I saw a giant, I became a grasshopper. And God says, "Who says you're a grasshopper?" They must think I'm grasshoppers. I must be a grasshopper. I can't do it. I'm not enough. I'm just some this and I'm that. I can't be a great mom. I can't be a great I can't be a great Jew. I'm going to be the of Messiah. My tifila tomorrow is going to change things. Are you crazy? How do you know? I see the giants. My eyes. I believe check if I'm right or wrong. Go look at the sources. Says that the every single month has a body part. Tamuz and are the two eyes. You know why? Because our eyes can't stop looking. You know, you know what really is? It's that comes out as sadness. It's I can't cuz I keep on looking at those that do and can and I assume that everybody else has it figured out but me. Cuz when I grew up, they told me by eighth grade you got to know and by 10th grade you got to know. And I know a guy at 21 who was a billionaire. I know a lady at 28 knew all of the Torah. I I know everybody's successful. Everyone's got it. But you know what I know in my heart? I don't. So there must be something wrong with me. When you feel sad, the rabbi said, you know where that comes from. Ah, because pain should lead to growth. Pain is focus. And when you were two years old and you felt pain, you got yourself back up. And now you're 18. Now you're 40. And you feel pain and you give up. What changed? You know what changed? At two, you were unaware of the other two-year-olds. And at 40, you got your whole life mapped. Your neurom map says, "Look here. Look here. I'm not enough. The treadmill started. By this point, I should be here. And this point, I should be here. I should have this by now, and this by now, and this thing, and I don't do the thing. I'm too late. And I'm too early." And this guy, everyone else, I'm jealous. I can't say I'm jealous. I don't want it. I'm jealous. And I feel the comes out in my world as I can't. I'm sad. This is the tishab of of our lives. And you can go your whole life fetching. And by the way, I do this all the time. By the way, you should know. You know how I know this? Because I live it. I live it all the time. I don't got this. The rabbi doesn't have to call me and give it to me if I got this. He would say, "Remember, say it." He doesn't have to get with me. It took me an hour to understand what he meant on Friday. Our lives could be so amazing if we stopped being sad because we keep on looking at other people. The ka that we have in our life is manifesting as I feel down. So I got to go talk to somebody. I got to fine talk to people. You have to talk to people. I'm not taking away from that. But the downness is coming because I can't stop looking. In the old days, I looked at the people in my life. Now I look on the phone. I see these people. It's all fake. But it doesn't look fake to me. When I look on the phone, it looks real. She's got the best life. How did she wake up in the morning and look amazing? She didn't even put on makeup. Yes, she did. How did she just find it out of her kitchen and she made this whole thing? She didn't just find it. She staged it. He didn't just figure out what to say. He's been practicing a million times. He didn't just become an overnight millionaire. He inherited half his money. Stop being so impressed. And the ones who do, usually Hashem gives bar. Doesn't come from their hands. But I'm looking and I can't. We have a life. We have a purpose. If your eyes are open on tahav, right now you're being put in the fourth quarter of Jewish history. When I was in high school and I was playing on a team and I didn't shoot, I got pulled out of the bench and the coach looked at me and said, "When I put you on the court in the fourth quarter and I put the ball in your hands, if you don't have faith in your in me, in yourself to shoot, have faith in me and shoot anyways." If we don't have faith in ourselves, we're missing it. We're crazy. It's the fourth quarter of Jewish history. Your eyes are open. You think Hashem doesn't believe in you. You think if someone else has more, we're not enough. Hashem's like, "Stop looking." It's And you know what happens when we have? There's two times in the Torah that is the beginning of all. What are the two times in the Torah we have sin? One one-on-one and one with the cloud is what's the first time you ever see sinam. When the two brothers hate each other the first time and he Why did cayenne hate he for? Cuz what happened to he? He was accepted by Hashem. It was the two brothers. It was the kina that led to this. What was the first time we had ben Israel having kina? What was the first time bin Israel the actual children of Yakov had kina to who to Ysef that's what started the whole galut why did they hate Yseph for what does the puk say or what does orim say yakov loved more I'm not enough because I looking at somebody else you know what that leads to I'm not enough I can't look at you means I don't like you. You know why? You don't even know I don't like you. I don't even know I don't like you. It's too deep. But I don't like you. You know why? Cuz your presence makes me feel like I'm not enough. It's not s cuz you're mad at me. It's not s cuz you did anything wrong with me. He didn't do anything to Cayenne. Yosef did nothing to his brothers. What caused the whole sin? You know what caused the sin ah looked over and said look at this. I'm not enough. Boohoo. I'm not enough. And God says for real. I'm not punishing you. Trust me. You're going to punish yourself. I'm not punishing you. I'm Hashem. I'm the most I'm the most loving thing you'll know in for the rest of your life. you keep this up, you're going to be sitting on the floor in 2025 feeling like I'm not enough. And the reason why you're not enough because you can't keep your eyes to me. Stop looking around. Look at me. I brought you to this world. I'm growing you. I got a plan for you. I'm your mommy and your daddy. I don't care that you fail. I care that you think that you're a failure. I don't care that you stumbled. I think that you think that you're a sinner. The Aman says this, the worst thing and no one should ever try to sin. Shalom. Aman says, you know what the worst thing happens after somebody sins? We should never sin. You know says the says, ah, so religious, huh? So religious. Look at this. He yelled at this person. Look at this. Do me a favor. I told you. I told you. Relax. I You're a sinner. is the night that if you're doing it correctly, you sit next to the wherever you are right now. Picture in your head, you're sitting next to Hashem in your head. Don't be Don't be broken tonight. Stop enough. Enough with I'm not enough. One night, let's stop crying already. Hashem, the bore is sitting on the floor with us. not the whole himself. And he's telling us, "I miss you. Where did you go? Where are you running? It's me and you. What are you worried about? You failed. Get up. You can't. Who says you can't? You can't bring gulah. Why? Because you're a young woman. Because you're an older man." Says who? And the pain that we're supposed to feel, the rabbi says, is a pain of how did I let my life not focus on this? Where did I go? How come when I gave my father the slippers, he gave me that like, eh? What is wrong with me? If I'd spend my time trying to get closer to Hashem, I would be so much more fulfilled. I would be so much more accomplished. Where did I go all year? Feel it. He's next to us. Don't run from it. From today until tomorrow, feel what was I thinking? The loss of the relationship. I had the creator of the world tell me I got you. And all I did was look at my neighbor and feel like he doesn't. And I missed my chance of what could I have been this year? What could I have been my life? How much could I have accomplished if it would have been just me and Hashem taking on the world? What was I doing? The pain, the of the of the I brought the from I can I can't believe I let they they the Greeks got me. The Greeks got me. They I was convinced that I am just a product of my class. I was convinced that because I'm not this already or that already, then there's something wrong with me. They got me. Feel that pain. Don't run from it. And then tomorrow when the when the the the says gets up to the sit up a little bit, sit up. And when you sit up tomorrow, say, I am so excited to start working on my avoat. I'm ready. I'm not looking anymore. I don't care. I'm done looking. I'm putting on blinders. Me and Hashem. I'm almost done. I'm going to read you one puk and I'm going to call it a day. Okay. Give you homework and we call it a day. Today we read a parasa called Dvarim. Dvarim was Mosha's commentary on the story. It's the best parasa. It explains the whole story. But Mosha's commentary. This is the best commentator. Today we read the story of the Meragleim, not the story of the inalidbar. We read Mosha's version of the story. Listen to what he says and listen to these words closely and tell me if they sound some familiar. When you came out of the you went to your tents and said, "Hashem hates us." He says, "I'm skipping a drop." He goes, "Hashem hates you. Hashem is walking in front of you. He's going to fight for you. Look what he did for you. Did you see that?" Listen to these words. You see how Hashem carried you? Listen in the Torah. This isn't a commentary. This is Moshe. Hashem put you carried you like a father and a son. It's me and you. You're a little baby. I got you. You're my You're my kid. What are you looking for? Who are you looking at? Moshe is saying this. This isn't rashi. He's saying you missed it. Hashem, you're on Hashem's shoulders. And then he says, watch this. This thing, this thing that you're on his shoulders, that it's you and him in the world alone. There's nothing else in the world but you and Hashem. You're sitting on his shoulders. Why are you looking to the right and the left for? Look down. Look up. This thing is what's holding you back. This is what's holding us back. It's causing us to be sad and to give up. It's causing us to be jealous. Our eyes are been conditioned since we were little to judge our success by somebody else. It's Greek. It's not Torah. It's not the way we're supposed to live. And it's causing our destruction. and we're going to let it forever. And when your kid comes home in 8th grade and says, "I'm dumb or stupid or ugly," the mother and father are losing it. They're pulling their hair out. There are thousands of parents right now pulling their hair out as the kid says, "You don't know me. I'm dumb. I'm unholy. I can't do it." And mom and dad are like, "Are you crazy? Am I wrong?" And that's how Hashem feels this second. Are you crazy? Do you know who you are? You're my people. The whole world gave up on me. I got a couple of people left sitting on a floor. Nobody else is on the floor today. Who is sitting on the floor? A 100,000 people? 50,000 people? There's a six billion people in the world. Who's sitting on the floor for Hashem? We're sitting on the floor for him. And we think we're not enough. We're depressed and we give up. She's like, "Are you kidding? Enough. It's time to stand up. Enough. We have to stand up and we have to work on the things that were holding us back since the midbar. We have to together say we're working on conquering kinh enough. We have to do this. We cannot fake ourselves out any longer. What is the point? So the Mandami whimso loses and then we're back here 10 years from now and there's a new dude that shows up and there's another war in Israel. How many more years we got to play the stupid game? So the rabbi said, "Here's homework." And I'm giving you homework. From now on, one time a day. Not hard. It's one time a day. One time a day until Roshashana. Not so far. Ready? When you feel down, you feel depressed, you feel sad. Again, I'm taking out trauma. Take all this focus. When you feel down, I want you to say to yourself, "I feel." Don't use down anymore. Get the language out of your lips. Get sadness out of your lips when you feel like you can't. and you're about to give up that feeling. We all have that depression feeling. We all have that I can't inside us. We all do. I want you to say, "I feel jealous." Change your language. Your brain's going to go insane. Your brain's going to explode. I don't feel jealous. That's not jealousy. Jealousy means I hate the person. I hate the person. Say it anyways. Don't worry about it. Robbie knows what he's talking about. You know what happens when you say you're jealous? your brain your brain goes what find you'll see where who you're jealous of and when it comes to who you're jealous of I want you to think of them and bless them to have more than they have already I want you to have more I walk into a room and I feel all automatically down because someone looks better than me and I feel down I feel jealous no I don't feel jealous I feel jealous I hope she has much more I hope he has much more people out of your head. If there's someone in your life, bless them. Give them baraka. Give them more. God has plenty. And I asked the rabbi, "We know this is just about me and Hashem. Just let's do more for Hashem." He says, "Don't do that because you can still do more for Hashem and be in competition." When we start getting rid of kina, we're going to start to learn how to serve Hashem. We're not going to serve Hashem because we're competing with somebody. We're going to be left when you look at everyone in your life that you feel jealous of and you bless them to have more than they have, you're going to be left with nobody in this world but him. And then you're going to serve Hashem. Attack kin. That's what's holding us back. Don't get distracted. It's kin holding us back from gula. you're going to feel down. I'm begging you between me and you until rash shah when you do say I feel jealous. Train your brain and then whenever you find who you're jealous of bless them to have more and you will see one by one by one it's going to go away and when you stop being m people you start feeling like I can is not and it's holding us back do not get distracted ah has brought us into where we are today and kina will take us to the end and if me and you tonight right now sit with the say hashem I'm not going to feel when I feel down I'm saying I feel jealous and I'm going to search for what makes me jealous I'm going to bless that person with 10 times more because I just want to be me and you again we're going to become the Jews that can go into cananan and win and build lives that filled with and be connected to Hashem and fix our problems. Don't think that you're supposed to be depressed. Don't get lost in down stories for the next 24 hours so you can check off sadness. Don't lose the chance to watch our eyes. Our eyes are causing our problems. And when we look around and bless everybody to win, when we realize that it's holding us back, we will start to be free to realize that we're on Hashem's shoulders and whatever he has in front of us, whether we win or lose, he wants us to get better. And we should be to be these people and see the day that Mashiach comes. instead of