LIGHT TO UNITE | Rabbi Paysach Krohn, Eli Goldbaum, Tuvia Sablosky | CHAZAQ

[Music] good evening everybody Welcome to our light to unite launch this is a new program that we're putting together starting tonight we're going to have four podcast over the next several weeks leading up to September 29th which will be the official lighting of the unification of all Jews in America so we're starting out by educating having different speakers come from the rep Community from the business Community two speakers next several Sunday nights and then the objective is that on Sunday September 29th 2 o'clock in New York 9:00 in yelam we will be having as many Jews as possible observant Jews non-observant Jews Affiliated not to join together to light and unite together so that we can fight here in America and around the world against anti-Semitism and all the challenges that we have facing us so gives me great pleasure to introduce our two speakers tonight Rabbi pesak cron Ellie goldbam and just a little bit about myself for a minute my name is tuvia Sosi I was born raised and educated in Philadelphia I grew up as an ultra secular Jew I grew up as an American Jew I was proud to be an American to be Jewish but I fought with a lot of kids had a lot of anti-Semitism because I went to a Christian Prep School from the time I was 5 years old it wasn't until I was 50 years old when my mom had passed away way that date brought me to meet rabbits and young rice and my world changed that evening I read a book she wrote called the Jewish Solem fire and that's who I am following in her footsteps so this is really an honor to her also and may her children continue with all of us to continue with our mission of Hanan um I also have many stories with Rabbi pesak cron when I have my proper bris because I didn't have one I was circumcised in the hospital through Rabbi yosher young rice we have bris and got toil and got my Hebrew name tuvia which rabbitson young race named me tuvia and she told me when you get your toil and you get your bris that's the name you have to be so gives me great pleasure to be able to collaborate again with Rabbi pesak cron with Ellie gobam and Rabbi please join us I'm deeply grateful to my dear friend Ria sablowski for having invited me to come to speak to all of you on this very important topic of containing anti-semitism and assimilation here in America and throughout the world the name of the program is light to unite and the Inspire program and the kazak people are also involved in putting together This Magnificent program I'm honored to speak with Elie goldbam as well and hopefully we'll be able to be inspired together I would like to begin by telling you a story that shook me to the core because when it happened it happened at such an unexpected time I give all of you that are watching the broa that you should be able to sit with children and grandchildren at your Seda table a number of years ago this goes back more than 20 years I was sitting at a SATA table I was leading the table for my children and some of my grandchildren and at that time my little grandson of Rome was three or four years old and you know that a three or four year-old can't follow the Satan he's running from the living room to the kitchen to the dining room and just as we were about to say visha one of the most beautiful parts of the Seder my grandson comes over to me and he says zie can I sit on your lap and of course anybody who's a z or a Bubby and when a child a grandchild wants to sit on your lap of course what's a question so I picked up the cup of wine with my right hand that picked up my little boy my grandson of ramzel on my left lap and we began singing Vish it's so emotional to me every time I tell tell the story as we're singing V all of a sudden I started crying and people were wondering what is he crying about I mean this is such a happy moment of the Sedar you know when you're crying and you don't want to cry it it's just gets so hard to stop and the reason that I was crying is because I was saying these words the tells us not only one nation is trying to get rid of us and every generation they're trying to get rid of us and I was thinking what's the future of this kid what's the future of all the children in his generation haven't we gone through enough we lost 6 million we've lost tens of thousands of Israeli soldiers doesn't it stop when does it end and that's the reason that I was crying of course we finish sing and we went on with the S there and I was able to compose myself but as I Was preparing for this talk it occurred to me when does it stop does it ever stop will it stop the terrible anti-Semitism that in every generation they're trying to get rid of us and I want to tell you something frightening a very sobering gamar the gor tells us in shabas my why was it called har sini the mountain of sini and there are many many different answers I think the most frightening answer is hatred came down to this world sini and sin sound the same and that's what the gumar is telling us once the Jews got the T there was a hatred that came down to the world and it's interesting if you watch what Rashi says Rashi doesn't say that the hatred came because we were M the T because we accepted the tah he writes the reason why the sin happened didn't accept the and when they realize what Jews are all about that we are people of a higher morality people of higher ethics people of higher standard that live with a person with a purpose that's why they hated us they didn't want that and they hate people who live that way because they know that's really how they supposed to live and because of that that hatred is ingrained in the Gentiles it's in it's ingrained in the nations of the world because they know that we live on a higher standard that they are supposed to live but they didn't want to live after all we all know theal offer the ter to all of them they didn't want it some wanted to kill some wanted to Rob some wanted to be immoral but the Jews accepted it they didn't and that's what makes them hate us now I'll tell you an amazing Rashi if you take a look at it in it tells us in when and yov meet Rashi tells says it's a it's a fact of life it's known as hates Yakov and you know what that means that that's how it's going to be forever until mesiah comes and the question is are we able to do something about it now all of us who live here in New York know that the New York Times used to be a great newspaper but of course they're very much anti-jewish and anti-israel but every once in a while they'll have a writer who writes something pro-israel and just yesterday from when I'm making this video there was an article by a fellow Brett Stevens and he wrote about Israel and he wrote about Jews and he had a remarkable sentence that I would like to quote hatred of Jews will always find a convenient explanation or excuse it's always going to be there and so I want to share with you something that I think is very profound there's a wonderful T in our generation today his name is RAB leipa gorth he's a great thinker and a great speaker and a great and he mentioned something very interesting that there are two elements of anti-Semitism one element of anti-Semitism is existential existential means they don't want us to exist like Iran talks today about Israel they won't be happy until Israel doesn't exist and I'm telling you we cannot fight that that's the anti-Semitism which we can do nothing about because it came down from SII there's a different type of negativism that there is a contempt or hostility and that is distaste go nations of the world have a distaste for Jews that we can fight and this talk that I'm about to explain to you this fight anti-Semitism we're never going to stop it we can't until Mia comes that's that's the existential hatred they don't want us to exist and thank goodness hasem a million times over we live in a great country of America and many of you who will be watching in Canada and in England and in Switzerland and some of these places also the anti-Semitism is not existential like it is in the Muslim countries it's dislike oh dislike that we can fight there are many many people of the nations of the world who dislike us and some of it is our fault and that we have to be careful about and I'm going to give an example do you know that there is a PK that the cayar expounds on and the PK is in V Bay pimo the PK is telling us that Hashem says to mosenu go up north you've been at the Mount Si for a while now it's time to travel North it says you've been around this this mountain a while go north but the says something brilliant and every time I go to Prague and he was the RO in the moral sh after the moral I tell over this cokar he says the word SAA comes from the word s which means hidden and he says keep a low profile you don't want the go him to hate you don't build the most gorgeous home you want to build build inside your house don't build outside your house where the jealous and he writes like this if you have a certain H don't buy the fanciest car so that the go on the block are going to be jealous of you don't talk about all your great successes if you're in a workplace where there are Gentiles there and everything that's going on and gring life that you're able to take all the vacations keep a low profile but then the claya says that's not the nature of Jews and he says you know what happens first of all the reason that the go hate us is because they feel we stole the bras yob stole the bras from is but then he writes this is the opposite said that when we live in the nations in the countries of our enemies any Jew that has 100 he's got to dress beyond what he could afford and he's got to make weddings beyond what he could afford Kam Alpa he's trying to show as if he has thousands keep a low profile don't let the go speak about you my mother used to say don't rip out the eyes of other people that's the first way to combat that anti-Semitism which we can combat the dislike but not flaunting get keep a low profile that's the first thing and I'll tell you a fabulous story that Rabbi friend once told and what a fabulous lesson Rabbi FR once told a story about a fellow from Manhattan that came to visit the brisker of revela salvic in the early 1950s now we know the salvic have genius memories they don't forget anything and in the conversation brael brusa asked this gentleman what do you do and he said Reby I'm a lawyer in Manhattan and the conversation continued and 5 minutes later again the brisker of asked the gentleman what do you do the guy was surprised he just said what he did he said he was a man a lawyer Manhattan he said rebi I'm a lawyer in Manhattan he says I know you told me that five minutes ago but that's not how a yid answers that question the guy was surprised he realized that the brisar had set him up and the brov said bring me down a y the prophet y from the shelf and he showed him something remarkable what a great lesson and we read this every every young Kipper we all know the story about y y was on a boat and there was a tremendous storm but the storm was only around the boat it wasn't around the other boats out in the sea so everybody the captains and the sailors knew that there was somebody on this boat that was causing this terrible thing to happen that it was going to sink and so they went to every person and then it says that the sailors and the captains they came over to yah and they said tell us why is this happening and listen what they said to him what do you do what do you do and listen to his answer that was a question the brisar was asking this gentleman you know what he said he said to them I am and I fear hasem now watch what the rad says thead says as soon as he said I Fear God that was the answer what do you do you're not a lawyer you're not a doctor you're not a graphic artist you're not a real estate agent you're a yid that's how you bring in money but what defines you m you're were Y and you know something but my friend told an amazing thing he said two weeks after he gave that sheer a stock broker wrote him a note and he said you know I heard your shear and you know I'm on the phone a whole time a whole day making all kinds of deals and sometimes I do things that are not 100% And I say things on the phone so I had a paper weight made and I keep it on my desk and on my desk that paper we has two words on it every I am at you and you know something that's the second way to combat anti-Semitism of dislike just remember you can't hide it wherever you go snood or no snood baseball cap wearing it frontwards or backwards a kangaroo cap however you go shael no shle big yamaka small yamaka no yamaka you can't hide it oh if you're a Jew then you got to be careful how you talk to that bank tell teller you got to be careful how you talk to that waiter or waitress in the restaurant you got to be careful how you talk to that studa stus on the plane they know you're Jewish and if you act with kindness and with dignity they're going to say all Jews act like that but if for shom you say something nasty I mean Heaven help you if it somebody filmed it then it goes viral we're not even talking about that but you're giving incentive to nations of the world to hate you if you're nasty so the first thing is keep a low profile second thing is just remember every and you have to act in that way and there's one more thing we have to remember that we're in gas and you know something it's very hard to remember that in America a million times over we live in but don't we say every day that our eyes should see when you return your glory toes we are gu in America you know what raban said then I am very careful with this I heard this many years ago raban said a year should not wear his Talus over his jacket or coat on chavas in the street now if you're in Monroe or you're in square town that's fine but even if you're in mon or in Lakewood or even in Williamsburg the policemen are going the firemen are going the cops are go him so you don't own this place it's flaun them it bothers them it looks as if you own the place and that's what ran said keep a low profile you could be proud that you're a Jew but don't flaunt it keep a low profile be kind and dignified and don't flaunt your yish kite and I believe you know that this leads us into the conversation of making sure that there's no assimilation you know there a Yiddish expression and I'm going to say it in Yiddish and and I'm going to translate if a doesn't make Kish he doesn't sanctify himself but he tries to be like the go then then the go are going to make they're going to make a separation in other words many times we think well we'll just be like them right that's what they thought in Germany they're going to be just like the goam right business finances everything and look what happened the hatred came out and that's what happened Lithuania as well I was in Lithuania I was in the house where Rabel Kono was taken from and the lithuanians for years they got along with the Jews did business and everything but once the Germans came and opened up the torrent of hatred and killing the lithuanians were worse than the go than the Nazis you know rebbit and R cter she was in that house and panu and that house in kova where where RAB was taken from and she told me that there was a German guard and a Lithuanian guard and the German guard looked atan and saw his beautiful face I saw the Holiness in his face he said let him go and the Lithuanian said no we can't and it was the Lithuanian who kidnapped him and they took him to that Fort seven where he was killed you can't trust any of them we have to make kiddish we have to be separate and you know what Hashem says if you take a look in Rashi and kadim it's absolutely frightening rash says on the be holy to me and rash says if you're going to separate from the you won't dress like them you won't act like them you won't talk like them you won't be like them then then you're my people but oh then we have to be sure that our children know that we are proud to look like yiden and we dress like yiden we don't use the slang of the go we don't use the music of the go we don't dance like the goam look I don't want to say this but you've got to say it at some of the weddings you see some of the dances you kind of Wonder are these these Jewish dances where in the world they get these dances from you dance like a go you know what happens Hashem says you're not going to dance like a goo you're not my people that's not my kind of dancing that's not my kind of music we have to be very careful with that we have to be molan and I'll tell you what billum said billum said about to ju something and it's in this is a nation that's going to live alone the they're not going to reckon with them and you know what the says he has a brilliant on this he says like this if the Jews will live separately and not act like the and be among the they're going to live in peace but if they want to be with the it's not going to happen at the end they're going to hate you at the end they will not recognize you and you know something they'll be alone the says that's that's what's going to happen in a time of Messiah if we want Messiah we have to be separate that's part of fighting anti-Semitism and fighting assimilation I just want to end just with this thing I remember I once asked Raa the author Al I said you know I have the opportunity to speak to parents what should I tell them what should they do for their children and he said something so brilliant he said tell them they going to give two two things to their children time and love and my son was there and he said rebi how much time he was in the Cur maybe he was worried how much time he's going to have to give his kids and you know what revola said as much as they need and you know something that's the great answer if you validate your children and you make them feel special they're going to follow you and then there's going to be no assimilation now we're not going get to go out and most of us are not in curo not going to change the world but we change our families how do we change our families by having a happy home when you have a good marriage and we have a marriage counselor here who's part of excellance he'll tell you better than me when you have a happy home and happy children then the children are going to follow there's going to be no assimilation but if you're always beating down on the kids and you're always criticizing you know what M said those kids are not dropouts they push outs we can fight assimilation in our families that's what we have to do and it spreads from there we're not going to be able to change the world now of course you have great organizations like a and or and Jeff that's great and we should try to be mov even our neighbors our second and third cousins and our employees employers all of them as much as we can but where we can focus on breaking a similar is making sure that our children and grandchildren are so proud of being hidden when you go to buy a l and an esri or you're building a Suka make sure the kids are there make sure they see how much you love a Mitzvah make sure that they see how you love a rebi I always say every family has to have a love a rebi and a rashash Shiva and when you look up to that person and you really follow that person the kids will learn from that there's going to be no assimilation whatsoever because they know what your standards are I just want to end with this we Sayes us Hashem wants us and loves us and if we can only bring that to our children and tell them how we are the chosen people not only for the rest of Eden but for the rest of the world and we Elevate that if that's the case I believe that we no assimilation whatsoever Hashem should bench every single one of us that's listening all around the world let us try to be the best that we can be again we're never going to stop anti-Semitism that existential hatred that they have for us that's hashem's job but the dis like that we can change the assimilation that we can change in our families we hope and pray that we'll be mat thank you for inviting me and thank you for listening Rabbi KW thank you my pleasure that was amazing inspirational and I do want to share that that the you and I had the opportunity to go to Ukraine together that's right back in 2017 amazing trip you had my great-grandfather came from Ukraine from Kiev back in the late 1880s to Philadelphia total assimilation I'm the only observant to in my family and that trip was phenomenal when I got back from that trip we went we found my great-grandfather who was buried and when we found him my wife said pull out all the grass it was very hard to find and it turned out that one of the reasons we went to Ukraine especially for my wife was she wanted to go to the Kev of Rabbi leich so when we pull back the grass that that this Cemetery had not been planted or taken care of in years my started to cry I said why are you crying she goes you know I always cry she goes your great-grandfather's yard site is this Sunday this Sunday we're there on Tuesday and Rabbi pich's yard site is this Sunday also sharing with your great-grandfather it's my birthday and Rabbi holsberg who's our first my first Rabbi when I moved to Brooklyn so Rabbi that was an amazing trip with you sure was it was and I don't think we'll ever go back and have that kind of trip again because that Destro and talk about some of the biggest anti-semites the Ukraine what they've done to the Jews the blood on our country is is really pretty crazy so thank you it gives me great pleasure to introduce my dear friend uh Ellie goam Reb go re goldbam who uh I met coincidentally when I went to start doing at the bostoner scho in Flatbush and I was going there for the Mikvah but my wife said why don't you go there and start to dobin there also so when I went there the first time I went Ellie gave me hgba I always love doing hgba and I said before you give it to me can I give you a bua I give bras to Jewish men because of Rabbi hburg I've been doing this for over eight years almost every day except during Co and uh he said well my my daughter's getting married next week I'd love to have a bua for for my daughter and for myself I said that's great I said my my rabbi's son's getting married next week who's your Rabbi said Rabbi yosher he said my daughter is marrying your son his son so from that moment on he started just took me under his wing and has been uh taking very good care of me and a little more in three and a half years ago Ellie invited me to come with him to the do seum at metti Stadium oh and it was phenomenal I'd gone seven years before but this time when I got back my wife said well I think you're actually ready to start learning the dove oh so because of Ellie I'm still in the game learning the dff every day so Ellie thank you and and Ellie has a very interesting background because he's very involved in the philanthropic side and saving Jewish lives but he's also a major leader in the healthc care uh and taking care of different uh people in in retirement homes and and different facilities and uh he's made quite a reputation for himself and the purpose of this event this night and going forward is that we have very strong representation from the vehicle side but we also have very strong representation from very powerful Jewish businessmen so Ellie thank you TI thank you for joining us amazing it's such an honor to be sitting here together to of you my friend and close you did and of course we grown to sit at the same table to speak it's it's a tremendous honor for me I was listening to RAB cron speak and again I'm blown away as always uh with RAB the way you speak it's just a tremendous inspiration for cl for for us uh I have so many thoughts based on the way what you have said but I'm going to just jump on the last thought and maybe we'll go back and try to remind ourselves of you know as you always do you AP so beautifully so we'll recap and remind me of my thoughts but just on the last thing that you spoke on the and I think we had spoken a little before about what uh the idea of what we're trying to accomplish here today I think that the we're trying to build a positive thought in clell to try to generate from from within an appreciation and enjoyment of what what we are we we're I I actually quite often if he ask this question to people they could beish Lish any anywhere in the game and I would say to them why are you from and most people cannot answer that question and if that's this if that's the reality I think it's sad because you know toia joined us in in the bust M to you mentioned I've been the gab for the last 25 years and the re was n a year ago but I was extremely extremely close to him you know people don't understand what RAB go through and unless you're in the in the world of in the sphere of the Rabon and they really spend a tremendous amount of time and they also need somebody to bounce things off of their human beings and like to speak to everyone I was very fortunate to have had a tremendous CER with the rebel but we have it's not for everybody but in our medish and it's something that you touched on that I think is so incredibly important the idea that we enjoy going to daving our the with the singing the amount of song that we have in the repertoire of the BST nunam not only BST but other nunam it's an enjoyment and it it our children were brought up in such a place where there was a g for and what what that's exactly what you mentioned and it's so true if people used to ask I walk about 15 minutes to sh and people say you know there's so many shes along the way why do you walk so far of course I always joke CU I get covered for walking there cuz I'm the G but putting that on the side I really enjoy the ding there enjoy the but more importantly there always spoke about we are we are every single y he would sit and give sh before the Y to make us excited with the Y by us is 25 minutes sometimes even longer every piece you're seeing and it's a Gish and it's not something that's you feel like you you know it's dragging you down like let's get what time can we get out of here it's like aack it's enjoyment should this on a regular shabas my family knows I come home a half hour after 72 sometimes a little earlier sometimes a little after but the point is it's a g you're sitting around you feel good when your children are brought up that that yish is a g of course they're going to feel great about GES if you feel that everything is a Dr oh shabas when is it over I can't wait to get to see my phone that that that takes away so just to to piggyback on what you said right before I think it's phenomenal I I think the that a question something that we we should definitely think about um I'm going to go into some other thoughts you mentioned Ukraine so I think that this is an incredibly important I'm not the Storyteller here today but I'll try to say a nice story my mother and you know I'm a businessman that's why do you ask me to be here today so I want to just give over a little of my in business and I think it's incredibly important to the topic of ation We Have Tonight Vis anti-Semitism my grand my mother was born everyone knows this ma if you're listening I apologize but everyone knows her birthday she was born in March of 1944 in a unar which was really which is in Ukraine at that point it was called cze Slovakia what was the birthday March 28th 1944 and she was born 3 weeks before the Nazis came came in and took everyone away to ashz anyone who has any history on on Hungarian jury knows that in six months time from March till October they wiped out a million Hungarian Jews any child was gone the first thing you went to anyone who had a child going to concentration camps they were wiped out there was no there was no one no one remaining so at the time they thought and my grandfathers say we thought this was like a curse we had a child everyone else went into hiding because they knew the Americans were about 200 km away and they figured that the Americans are to come and they going to get we're going to all be free and liberated and everything is going to be fine the Americans did not move for those six months and that's why Hungarian jewry for the most part the has been you know wiped out obviously there are a lot of re young R is one who survived Hungary but there the basically there were certain age groups that were able to work and other than that everyone older younger wiped out so my grandparents had a baby the entire family went into hiding because they had a baby they went and they got false papers and they lived as G and just in as side my grandfather us to say if you think it's difficult to live as a Jew it's much more difficult to live as a go when you're Jewish he said he would go around and he would have to see literally it took C Tyra if you're talking about pain and to cry you when you even say something like this he would see that they use the as lampshades or whatnot and he would have to make believe it didn't bother him so he didn't give up his cover but more importantly and this is I think is you know the importance of understanding what we're trying to get to here talk about anti-Semitism you're talking about in the this small stle in a sense it wasn't like in America you over there everyone knew each other it was a small town so even if you go to the next town as Rob cron said before you could dress up with any cap you want they know you're Jewish and here he he had to look like a guy my grandmother had to look like guy the baby was a baby um just in the side it was one cousin as shov I don't know as shov was a half year older than my mother and it fits very nicely into the story there was a Gala that was like the mayor of the town he was very close to my mother's my grandmother's father and my grand they had apparently had money or some business or whatnot before and he gave this Gala a lot of money and this Gala gave my grandfather money throughout the war so he was able to pay off the places that he was living and at the same time he took us gave him to a doctor and this doctor watch was a half year old and his parents actually went to alitz and survived separately and came back eventually but because my grandfather kept an eye on him took a while they weren't ready to give him back but he ended up getting him back and that's how he actually survived with his family intact but even that the thought that some guy gave the you gave him all the money he didn't have to give anything and I think that that's a very important point that I'm trying to bring out the concept and of course I'll go back to the story in a second but the concept of how you treat people and when you treat people properly it could save your life forget about anything else but I could assure you they Tre they treated this guyy with the AL alterous ECT or he would never have given a dollar and risk his life and it actually came up in the newspaper ones that they found that this doctor was Finding Usher and they actually did not that that's my understanding and my recollection of my grandfather told us and they didn't give and they didn't have a problem which was a Pell but going back to my grandparents so they lived as G in Ukraine and here you have they were going place to place and like I said you know you could try to hide it as much as you can but everyone knows who you are it's like if as much as you can you live like a guy and they managed they were fine and my grandfather told us several stories that I think could also bring out this point he he set over a story that he was one time walking and he sees a person who used to work for them they had a big business in in in in Ukraine and they this person was like he said oh my goodness this guy I think he was the truck driver and mind you maybe two trucks he recognized him he worked with him so he started running away and all of a sudden the guy was on a motorcycle and it didn't take long for him to catch him and he goes ahead and he says Mr D that was my grandfather's name Mr D why are you running away from me what do you need I'll give you anything you need I'm going to help you he took out my grandfather said a tremendous amount of money from his pocket and Mr D take what you need it's my boggling that's one story he said over he said over another story that he at some point he got a job working in a in a factory I used to kibbit about it was you know like he said the first thing they did to inaugurate you this is a g way they went out to the pub to drink and he says I can't drink if I'm going to drink I'm afraid I'm going to blow my cover so he couldn't drink so they made fun that he drank like a Jew that's theci side but putting that aside one day there was a auditor that he used to sit in the business literally working alongside with him who came in to order the books so he said I saw the guy if he knows who I am I used to sit with him so he ran into the bathroom he spent a little time he said I couldn't sit there all day and eventually he came out and he he thought that said it's over like you said anyone they gave you in they they killed you finished if you didn't give them up they killed him he ran home that night he said he didn't even go home he stayed in the park all night he thought for sure they're going to come pick him up at the morning he figured if I don't go back to the office they going to they're going to get me anyway and he goes back to the office and the owner calls him in and says tell me what's your name so so he knew that they blew his cup and he told him what his name was his real name and he says I want you to know that this order told me tell Mr as long as he's here he has nothing to worry about oh he's not going to give he's not going to send him and he won't say a word and he said after that this owner of the business took better care of him than anybody else he so appreciated him what's my point of all this they were all nice stories and of course it's tremendous and I I love talking to about my grandfather cuz he was my everything in life he taught me a tremendous amount Basham he was he had a nice businesses here I worked for him quite when I started in the business he was such a gentleman he didn't chumy up with his stiff but he was everyone respected him there was a respect he was just a a type of person that when he spoke to his employees and I try very hard I have a very busy office with a lot of not from people not from like G that work for me of all types I never raise my voice ever I never get even if I have to say something to somebody I learned from my grandfather there's a way to give it over when you blow your gasket people just you know it's a busy day you can say something lose respect this week's par the Duram first thing words come out of your mouth words mean something you go ahead you blow it besides the that we talked you talked about which is a tremendous problem but when you when you speak nicely to them they respect us they respect us tremendously and I see this in business I guess that's my job here to talk on the business level I see it in the business when you deal with your employees respectfully you get them back and what I learned from my from my grandfather is it saved his life and in a sense I'm here because of that and if that's something that I could back said this is this is something it's incredibly important so that was that was just a an interesting thought that that I felt as far as business is concerned of something we could learn from what I did with my children I B five children is that every week I gave each of the children 20 to 25 minutes undivided attention I me it was when they were growing up there were no cell phones but you want to go for pizza we'll go for pizza you want to go bowling we'll go bowling you want to learn Ezra we'll learn it's just me and you nobody else you want to do exercise and how many fathers have a real conversation with their sons how many mothers know their daughter's best friends or of colors but when you have a real conversation not how was school fine what' you get right what' you get wrong that's not a conversation but then your child becomes your friend and then they want to be like you and see for that which you believe in you know they're going to believe it it's interesting point you saying because I actually did a video a while ago talking about these exact points that a question they said you we we were dealing onom bias how do you build up Shalom how do you do you know to make it a positive experience and they say how do I know a lot of the work that I end up doing is mediating divorces which we try to stick away from but in the in the Shalom Bas arena is that you want your children to know what a house should be in the future you have to show them in your house what it's like and when you're the role model and they know what a he home is they're going to have a much better chance in the future 100% but I think one of the other topics that you spoke about was the affluence of the community right and and that's something that that I really find you know my grandfather would talk about that as well to keep a low profile I have to love that but did you know that claya I did not I heard it from you before I forgot it I'm going to be honest but mind appreciate it yeah but but but I I do find that you know that that is something that you know people to me that there's several Concepts that I that I I see what do you say about rabak not wearing the Talis we talk about I used to D with him every every morning when he was by his son R oh I'm an old flaish guy we actually lived right next to your brother so we lived on East 10th andm and RAB RAB land had one million shakas if people even remember that 7:30 sit down with us every morning and I one time I had the go he ask him give me a yeah he say I said okay that's a good bro I can handle that I was very close with his grandson it was at his mitzah but uh there there's no question about it the the we are you know we we I'll give you a simple example of what I speak about as a businessman I remember when I started my business 1991 is when I started my business I was working previously in a nursing home as a controller I don't remember I was $80,000 $100,000 a year was a very nice salary but from people I can have five children as well from people I have to live in a my house can't be the size of the House of the of the guy who's a non-jew who has one child or two dogs whatever he has so we automatically have to have larger houses which is the challenge really to what you were talking about you know so we say we shouldn't poke the guys guys out eyes out but the reality is we need bigger houses we have a standard of living that is Way Beyond the GU standard of living so I remember one of my first consultant I have a consulting company one of the first jobs was I went to a a nursing home and they had it was a non for-profit they had two G working there that were sort of like a similar type of a job and they were telling them they were living the life they were making $100,000 in those days it was a tremendous amount of money and they had everything they needed and I was trying to explain to them I started my business and took a risk and it was a huge risk I gave up salary to go ahead and try to earn more money was something at that point there were no such Consulting businesses and I say thank you Hashem you know where I am today but it took years to build that up and I exp them I'm taking risk because I have to pay tuitions I have to pay I have to koser food mat mat said my wife just took my grandchildren for for shoes How many pairs of shoes do we need we need a shab shoe a weekday shoe twice a season a go buys a pairs of sneaker they're good to go it's the there's no shabas food there's no there's no y we all know the expenses and you know I think that there's there's there is a piece that I'd like to talk about that I think is I'd love to hear what what you would sayone on this and to you feel free to jump in anytime you want as well I deal with a lot of uh issues mediating not only divorce uh unfortunately business mediation and and uh family issues my business is more healthcare related one of the things we do is we help people deal with finances we we don't deal with it directly we work with we deal more Medicaid pieces but the idea I get involved a lot of people's family issues or whatnot and I find I know just to me personally there's certain things that I think as a CRA that we could work on that's and I'm curious to hear your thoughts on it I I find that there I was asking around what do we think the nuda of anti-i semitism is what's the what is what is the point why do go have we understand ASA asov but what is there's something that that I believe it's more than that they still have to make it into a what we believe is a regular thing why do I hate you right there's something underneath my thought jealousy jealousy you took the word out of my mouth jealousy so no question I I think that you know what you spoke about and that's why I wanted a piggy bag on it the jealousy of that that they have for us is somewhat inherent in the sense that as I just explained we have to have a greater lifestyle we have to have larger houses because we can't live in a small two-bedroom apartment they can so we're going to have larger houses we're going to have a a a a more affluent lifestyle if for those that could afford it because we're taking more risk to earn additional income and some some there a lot of very successful people unfortunately even in hour Society there people are not successful so we have this concept of in my opinion I see this a lot of jealousy within the society within our people and what I find is you mean even from y family issues and and there's so many to me that's what I've seen as a common core issue that I think it's something that I speak about often I like I wish we could obviously this is something inherent as well in our DNA but to just bringing it to the four and I'd love to hear you speak about your thoughts I do think that you know when a parent hasas I always say if something good happens to you in your life don't tell it to anyone there's only one person that you can tell it to that will be guaranteed to be happy and that's your mother but otherwise even Brothers inlaw and sisters inlaw can be jealous I've seen in so many families where one sister married into a wealthy family and the other sister never they don't have close to wear nice clothes at a wedding and it's very embarrassing so they have to be sensitive to that so these are the type of Concepts that I think I not to talk about everything that's good just to keep a low profile and just not to talk about it just to thank hasem and don't make any big suit nobody cares you know unless somebody had an operation but otherwise somebody buys a new house don't don't make a about it nobody cares just going to be looking at your winter Shades in your kitchen wondering why they can't have it yes that's that's part of the inner happiness that if people were inwardly happy right you know and it's difficult to I actually had a sh recently yeah and you know it was a very close friend of ours they asked me to speak I I just I this is my vert I don't know curious you thought so you know he say the mission brings down you should try to acquire a friend right it doesn't say yeah again this just my ver I that's very good I I just came from the there's 800 people in the and I turned to the crowd I said how many people have 800 friends I said I believe we have 800 acquaintances that's right right so what when it says can I have to try to get one and if I acire one in my life tremendous so how do I acire what's what's called a at the sh what I said was that there's certain things that I wouldn't tell the general public secret if I could trust somebody that I could tell them a secret that they're not going to betray me right that I believe is what you call a friend and if you acquire one that's phenomenal they won't look down at they won't look that's correct so and and that person will forgin you right and that concept that that I I just feel that I think that it's so important to talk about this concept I see it so much of family issues certainly divorces G you talk about all this thing the the jealousy factor I think is is is tremendous a tremendous problem but as we said many people bring it on themselves and they don't have to and and that's why I'm happy with speaking about it because I'm piggybacking on what you said yeah no I think so I think it's very important and that's what happens when you focus on material things as opposed to focusing on the spiritual and serving Hashem and why are we really here we're here to serve Hashem and what does he want us to do I'm coming back to the why we're all here today he wants us to unite he wants us to unite as Jews as fellow Jews and for the observant Jews which are fractured to come together for different organizations to come together in this process between now and September 29th very observant not so observant different organizations everything's fragmented and once we can put it together ourselves then the non-observant Jews will really appreciate what we're doing because they'll see what we're doing and really enjoy it and that's all we can really do that's how we fight anti-Semitism is by being Jewish see there's something thatav K always stresses you know and um many times we talk about you know people that are from not having regard for people that are not from and he said the truth is that they're all you can't blame them they never had reame they never had Parents they never had ancestors so you're living a life and you blaming them and you don't like them because they they never had that opportunity they may be more ker Eden than you are you know and that that's a way to look at it so I'm going to jump in on that so I happen to have bjx started in my office oh no kidding I'm very close to my finger and I I understand very well the the concept they very good those brothers and and basically when it started what was the concept and I think it also talks to what you just said to you we have so many people in our neighborhood you know it's very nice we're supporting all kinds of communities and it's a great thing I love a lot of those communities I'm close to a lot of those Rob but in our neighborhood you know bjx was in flish we started in flers simply because the guy next to us right knew nothing and I think just to piggyback also what you're saying that the concept of how easy it is to go ahead and to make an impact on somebody so I remember years ago I worked one of my first job we had a fellow in the office he was Jewish brought up Catholic knew nothing and he used to eat that's how that's how B it was and we used to work with him but every day we had a and he had a pride I'm Jewish his kids who have a Jewish name are not Jewish Chris's wife wasn't Jewish but he was Jewish and he would come and join us from Min every day I bought him an art schol and every day he came to Min he never missed M he wore a muza on his chest of course it wasn't a real m just to look like and he was busy all days kissing his M okay he never missed daving but was interesting is a few years later he started fasting M gier he used to watch the ball game but he fasted M gier and I think that really what you just said Ric gr just hit me in the head I said that's incredible because that really is the start of a spark true he's he's that's the extent of what he's doing and that's who knows what do of this person that he could fast on it's incredible but I I think that that's you know talking to tiia we're talking about this concept of how easy it is to just your neighbors you I had an next door neighbor unfortunately passed away he was a conservative geran I moved on the Block we brought him shis I don't think anyone else on the Block brought him shis he he used to go every shabas morning to his big conservative synagogue on on the ocean between K andl every shabas morning he went there he didn't know from anything and I know we made an impact on him because he used to go special to own nuts and buy us something every year to give us back yeah I brought him into my Su every year Hasa come to my Su shake a it we don't realize the opportunities are down they R all over the place right and I think that's really what what we're trying to do how easy you know people say not in the care of you don't have to be a the I'm not in care of either but you could you could be m in your office you could be m in the house everybody's got second or third cousins I I think actually you you you Rec we when we spoke before you were going to talk about the concept of driving right I think I I I think you should expound on that concept you know maybe I'm too guilty on this one so even when you're driving you cut off somebody or whatever or you yell at somebody you know I have a driver so he's a Russian guy with a temper you know I said there's a Rab in the car you know he loses his patience and I tell him listen you know one day you're going to get shot you know it's you can't do that you got to be able to be in control right but but I think what you said before the concept that they all know the Jews right I hate to say it you look at the license place everyone there a leasing plate you know he's Jewish the leasing plate you know the Jews the GU buy from de we all buy from leasing companies you know so that's that's uh I think the main thing really is to be a role model in every place in in the secular world and the yish world if you're a role model then people will learn from you toia is my role model oh yeah thank you thank you I always say I I I have a tremendous respect for anybody who could give up a life of secularism and decide to become from you know I don't think we have an appreciation for enough you know we were born is from ye this is our life and we do our thing but for someone to go ahead and to to open their eyes and to realize how sad it is and I've had many conversations with tuvia down the lines of what we're talking about now of this I look at the go and like you know it's almost like pathetic they don't have any enjoy what's the look what you look at the Spitz he made it he's celebrity what happens to them if them commit suicide it's mindboggling right that's what they're that's what they're looking to I mean that's why they hate us and that's why I was m and that rash it wasn't that we the they didn't take this they didn't want it so they hate those who did it and but that I think that AUD is the jealousy yeah 100% And they look at us and they see and and I see thatment they see you happy they see you going to S and you know they they but I think also that in this concept we we we speak about it we we have to just feel we are so fortunate that BN from people you know what I say all the time the word m once occurred to me is B 100 you got to be grateful for 100% of the things that you have yeah everything I'm going to throw one thing in for my mediation life yeah please I I I find you know it's when people going through challenges and everyone has a challenge there's no free lunch I think that that's that's something that people have to understand everyone walks around they say how you doing you don't want to hear everyone's story and they're not sharing the story everyone has something and I think that as a gab I know a lot of things that going on that the average person doesn't know and I'm sure there's plenty I don't know and I'm sure if the re spoke to you then you and and and it's incredible what people are dealing with in life and the the the concept M I got to tell you something adorable but I spoke at a ritson's conference but go ahead okay no no no you go ah yeah so so you know when you when you're you brought up a wonderful thought of people that I they talk to me about their their bitterness and what they go through in life and I tell people everybody and this is really I think I'm a big of reading right Miller's works of you have to look and to appreciate what you do have right and I think if people we say bras every morning my friend of says my BR every morning in the and every morning when says he goes like this we don't appreciate simple things that we have and if we was focusing on what we do have and not focus on what we don't have we'd be so much more appreciative everyone is dealing with challenges but there's so many good things that we have I it pains me when I talk especially people going through divorce and it gets that's entire different world of of the pain that people go through and I just throw it out just asde the community is great with so much that we do but there's one piece that if I was able to change it would be this we we get involved we hear about a family m a a a divorce whatever it is and we only hear one side to the story and i' if I've heard this a thousand times that people walk in I don't understand this person this whatever it could be they never heard my side story and yet the people just get the feeling that there's something there there there's a I call it TMI I remember I years back there was a family that I knew and I met one of the son-in-laws and he just meets me on the street and he's giving me all this information about their family issue and I'm saying why you giving me so much information too much information why you giving me this information and I feel like the go and there's no community so when someone goes through a challenge you're on your own there's no one there to help you but because we're a community there are some people that know how to go don't I don't know if they do it on purpose not on purpose not a point but if you are my you know if you're someone's sibling and there's an issue if you really cared about that person don't take it to the street it it it's it's almost mindboggling and yet there's so many people that do that and the the now what do you mean don't take it to the street don't tell everybody don't tell everybody why you giving me all this information this person came over to me it was unsolicited and then I find people that go ahead and they perpetuate it they love the ha they love the talk RAB Bender spoke about on my video and I'll let you say a second he spoke about this concept of because there's such a fast-paced world in the internet and everything else we got to a point he said he believes that a lot of divorces were coming about because years ago things were in the house it was quiet today in one second it becomes world news and everyone's sending sharing talking and everyone figur get out already oh I know this guy from before I know that guy no one knows anything no one knows anything until you're in that person's situation and whatnot and if we just would let everyone deal with their issues and not bring it and make a big noise about it and keep it private and whatever it is and there are people out there like I don't charge for my time I spend hours and hours helping people I do not charge for my time there's a number of people like that and we try to help clol for one thing let's make shom let's move Beyond it let's make shom bias we that's our our goal if it can't be Shalom bias Let It Be Shalom divorce if it's a family issue keep the peace and I have saved countless families of course we don't talk about those details and no one knows about it but when you de with a divorce everyone knew about the divorce and oh he helped out but I think to me that just that that is the same nuda that we keep talking about this concept of trying to keep the peace within ourselves let's not talk talk about things and again it's something I'm passionate about because I I I get the calls people call me they say why is it that they just feel like there's a world against them and you know one smart therapist told me you're not on they tell them they're not on trial they don't owe it to everybody to explain their situation it's not our business let them deal with it let's let's be girl just called me in she wants to know why everybody hates her she's 36 not married father abused her it's just terrible so one of the big areas and this is what we've been doing as another Shear that we've done for for over almost three years is on not speaking lash har and you've spoken um it's a massive problem what comes out of our mouths and if we can control and don't say 50% of things that we want to say our lives would all mean much better whether you're observant non observant what comes out out is is one of the biggest sins and if we and just change that and correct that it changes the world um I'm going to end my I think I'm going to end my thought on on one of the things that I tell people in Shas you know so I actually have a phenomenal marriage curriculum as well we're working on making good marriages great marriages okay great and one of the things I tell people is be selfish so what do you mean be selfish marriage you're not supposed to be selfish I said let me ask you they come to me they complain I said this my wife upset of me my husband was upset of me we didn't talk for 3 days I said if you would learn to just not say it for selfish reason why be in a fight with your spouse just don't say it hold it back if something has to be said there's a time to say it say it a half hour later say it two hours later not when it's in when people don't say it at all I said if something has to be said and there's a way to say it when you say it when you thought about it it I'm talking to myself as right we're talking to ourselves as well sometimes I said do it selfishly why do you want to get into a situation you're not going to talk to your spouse for three days yeah hold it back and I think that's what you're saying it's just a great this concept of of you know when we talk about it it does hurt it stings and it hurts a lot of people so again thank you to of you for inviting me to join how about one last wrap up thought from both of you I just want to tell you that little thing about the I had to speak for Ritson uh first time I spoke in American one time in England I spoke about it for about 60 riton what their lives are all about and what how they should be and whatever so of course I interviewed many of them you know to get a concept of what they go through so one rson told me the most amazing thing she said I am so lonely at the supper table I said but your husband is not there he said no he's there but he can't tell me anything because everything that he knows I know who he's talking about so we sit at the table and a doctor or lawyer or travel agent can tell her his spouse you know what happened during the day but anybody that he's going to tell me I'm going to figure it out so we just sit there I'm I'm better with my wife but she doesn't I don't I I practically never take this work home really I think it's incredibly important it's not it's not I never take phone calls you know in front of my kids ever yeah you know this it's not their business and whatnot I generally will do most of my work during business hours believe me really wow and I'll tell you interesting Hashem has blessed my business since I started this about 10 years ago things that I cannot explain I'll be there really what is your business excuse me I I'll talk about it gentlemen thank you so much um I'd like to thank the hak organization Rabbi Yan mirov our dear friend Robbie for coordinating this with us and today is really the first day the rest of all of our Lives because we're here to change ourselves we're here to change our Jewish communities and by the change we make we'll change the world so this is an official invitation for everybody to join us on September 29th to come and do one Mitzvah to light a candle and why do we light we light everything we light up the world we light it with chabas we start with we light with Hanukkah for many days we like for abdala we light for yard sites so every Jew obs a n j you can Light One Candle and you can say in memory for all the people that have died during this war no one saying kaj for most of the people alive and don't know kades because their families are not Jewish they're Jewish but they're not observant so no one's saying Kadesh so it's very important that we all get together all the various organizations join the big federations the habad I'm reaching out to everybody this is the unification it's an announcement we're unifying the Jews in America on this day and I appreciate you coming here and uh supporting this effort and it's going to be like something we've never done in America before and we got to do it while we still have time thank you for allowing thank you thank you