Elevate Your Relationships: Unveiling The Secrets of Pesach | Rabbi Krohn & Rabbi Abisror | CHAZAQ

[Music] in the middle of the preparation between puim to PES very hectic time for am Israel and every single person putting effort to come and to come closer to aad I think this is the greatest greatest Kem I am very very happy that we have two great rabbis here Rabbi pakon and RAB Isel and when I heard few weeks ago when the idea the idea of starting this evening when they came up with the idea so I was thinking I said RAB P the whole world heard about him the whole world it's called his name literally going after him every single place before him but and then I searched a little bit about RAB RAB abis from Orlando and then when I saw online what he is doing for am isra and how he brings am Israel close to AOS I remember 7 and a half years ago when I came here I was thinking for myself what is the job of Rabbi every Rabbi has his own dream some people will say the job of the rabbi is to make sure that people will come to PR someone else will say the job of the rabbi is to make sure that everyone learning Torah in his community someone else will say the the job of the rabbi is to make sure everyone going to yes so I found out very fast that the real job of every single Rabbi in the world is one sentence to bring his Kila close to a in any possible way and when I saw what is doing in Florida I found out that he is bringing in his own abilities young girls young boys closer and closer to and this is the greatest thing that would like to have so before we will start the evening with rabis rabi rabi from kazak RAB I from khazak would like to share one minute and then we'll start the classes let's give a round of applause tranis for all tremendous [Music] work just one quick um quick moment we want toak want to thank the ban Jewish congregation of briwood Ray for always partnering together on these amazing sh of course this sh is not just a place of it's such a place of Torah every single day and then rabay and the entire leadership of the sh was always pushing to do more programs more initiatives and a big Kem I want to thank amudim and U for also partnering on this on this um great evening and um about the quick word about amudim we do of course um lifechanging um programs and services for for the community at large and there's um there's some brochures in the the men's section women's section about the great programs and and of course we know about the work of kazak which um a lot of people know about it for for the amazing sheer and events like tonight um to inspire men and women of all backgrounds um and um and kazak has a main focus on public school programs with over 20 different locations of after school programs for public school students hundreds of public school students inspired throughout the entire year since 2017 transfer over 1500 children from from public school Yesa so if anyone of course knows anyone who has a child in public school maybe it's a Rel maybe it's a relative a coworker a neighbor who has children in public school like the trans yiva of course reach out to the kazak organization and somebody is RAB mentioned alluded to abur is um the director of yud Orlando person who does so much for clel day night everyone please tonight the sh tonight sponsored by Mor n Gabriel and Dav families for of Margarita margarita B Ben Zelda B and also the tonight will be thank [Applause] you thank you so much to this wonderful kahal I've over the past uh two years had the opportunity to spend a lot of time in Queens with kazak with rabi abof and the entire team there H and it's truly a pleasure and a privilege to see all the wonderful work that this community is doing really building a and really doing incredible things not just for the bharian community here in Queens but really throughout the world and a representation of what it's like to build a true Kil so to everybody here tonight a special thank you to amudim we all know the tremendous tremendous work that amudam does uh and and this is just a testament to some of the things that they do special thank you to the uja of New York Brut harav cron it's an absolute honor and a privilege to speak uh an open for the rabbi the rabbi is uh as they say in my generation the OG but in in in many generations a legend who has inspired tremendous amount of people I actually told my wife that it's going to be very difficult to speak she said how come I I said because all of my stories come from Rabbi cron and I can't get up in front of Rabbi cron and attempt to give over a story they every time I speak I have to say and I said not to mention the topic tonight is PES and relationships I said there's a reason they call him Rabbi pesak cron I don't want to be competing with that you know specifically relationships are difficult specifically relationships are difficult to navigate you know tonight the reason why it's separate seating is not for religious purposes it's separate seeding because just in case somebody's wife is in the audience and they want to laugh at a joke they going laugh at her appropriately they're not going to get in trouble actually one time gave a class and a Moroccan guy came over to me after the class and he said Rabbi looked frustrated he's complaining I said was the jokes bad was the content bad he said Rabbi the content could have literally save my marriage I said so what's the problem he said it's because I laughed at the jokes that my marriage needs to be saved in the first place so let's talk a little bit about this something that happens every single calendar year when we move through theim we start to hear from the rabbis such as the rabbi here today we start to hear the themes when it comes to rash we start to hear about kingship we start to hear about we start to hear about the relationship that we're going to have with God when it comes to we start to hear about we start to hear about the beauty of happiness and of course when it comes to PES in other when it comes to PES we hear about we hear about freedom what's so difficult is that we hear these things mentioned over and over and over again and again but sometimes we hear it so many times to be said but yet we don't truly tap into the essence of the holiday we don't truly connect to what it means and what can happen is to an individual and I experience this sometimes is that as we move through the holiday we hear the themes we hear the ideas we hear about the happiness we hear about the kingship of rashash we hear about the freedom of PES and we get so bogged down by the details the wonderful details the mitv the things that we should be concerned with but we get so bogged down that we forget about the main ideas we're so focused on the cleaning we're so focused on the prep we're so focused on the cooking and doing all the things that we need to do for the all important and beautiful things that it's possible as individuals we can go through the entire h and miss the main point and it becomes difficult for us in fact it becomes even more difficult for us because we feel an extra special void you ask somebody during the year how do you feel about a certain topic okay maybe they're paying attention to it maybe they're not paying attention to it but when it comes to p and everybody's talking about it and we sit down with the family we have our spouses there we have our children BM we have everybody together we sit down down and we try to experience what it means to be free people and because we haven't really tapped into the holiday we feel the void the greatest we feel the greatest lack for the theme of the holiday I want to share with you something that's quite literally profound you know pesak is a holiday that that there's a lot that goes into it it's the only holiday that someone's willing to spend $50,000 on a PES program so he doesn't have to spend the holiday with his in-laws right people they really really care want to spend a moment tonight and talk a little bit about what p is really all about what it means to be free you know I'll share with you when rabby called me up about tonight and he said what amudam is trying to do in the community I thought it was really appropriate and apropo and it reminded me of an interesting story my rebi RAB yanan zag from Miami shared the following story with me many times he said he was once speaking at a conference and there was a lot of psychologists and therapists at the conference and in the middle of his speech he wanted to prove a point he wanted to share that in his opinion after counseling hundreds of couples after dealing with everybody Shalom B IT solutions hopefully he felt that the number one issue that people struggled with in relationships was that there was someone in the relationship trying to control the other individual it wasn't because one person was too religious one person wasn't religious a lot enough it wasn't because they want one person want to live in Queens one person want to live in the five towns it wasn't because they thought they should raise their kids this way or that way it was almost never the actual topic they were talking about it almost always boiled down to control he's in front of this large group of people he's in front of these psychologists these therapist and in the middle of his speech he wanted to share that he thinks it's a very high percentage of people people that struggle in their relationship struggle in their Shalom Bay struggle with dealing with their kids that he thinks that this is the root cause of the problem but he felt that if he would get up and he would say that it's a high percentage maybe the Professionals in the room people that are trained in this topic would laugh him off the stage and say Rabbi you didn't dig deep enough really that's not the problem really maybe 10 20 30% of couples struggle with this so he said in my experience with the couples that I've counseled and the hundreds of couples I feel like it's about 70% of couples 70% of parents that are struggling with their children 70% of people that are dealing with relationship based issues it's because one person is trying to be too controlling in the relationship he says that on stage he finishes his speech he gets off the stage and an individual comes over to him and then another individual and before he realizes it there's 10 trained therapists in and psychologist surrounding him and someone who seemed to be the most prominent looks the rabbi straight in the eyes and says Rabbi you're 100% wrong he says 100% wrong he says it's not 60% Rabbi if we had to guess it's in the '90s the vast majority of relationships struggle because one person is trying to control the other person one person has a difficulty with enabling the other person to quote unquote be free within the relationship so the topic at hand I want to dig deep into with your permission and if you'll indulge me I'll share with you the following louder I'm going to I'm going to start can you can't hear me okay I'm going to get very loud very Moroccan you're going to hear me all the way in the back you'll hear me back to Orlando as well I can yeah the reason why we struggle with these things the reason why we find it so difficult in relationships the reason why we feel the need to control is because deep down inside we struggle with that very Freedom that we're supposed to express in the relationship we're so stuck dressing a certain way to please Society we have to have this type of car we have to have this type of house our children have to behave a certain way we're so stuck to societal Norms we're so imprisoned ourselves how could we possibly allow someone in the relationship to truly be free I want to get deep into this because pesak is filled with this profound idea that can radically change the way we look at our own lives and radically change the way we engage with other people because this is a far de crowd we can get very very deep tonight you know a lot of people think that the way that the calendar works the way the Jewish calendar works is that because pesak is a time of Freedom the Jewish people left Egypt during those days then the month of Nissan the month that PES is carried in is a time of freedom because kanuka represents something then the months that kanuka is in they carry that same thing it's not true our sages tell us that Nissan itself the month is a month that has been imbued by Hashem with freedom and because the month carries Freedom within it when would the holiday be that would be an expression of Freedom the month of Nissan fascinating it's not that theim predict the calendar it's that the calendar were so imbued from hash with this this power that the had to fall in those days tell us that ultimately the Redemption when we finally gain the true freedom from all of this chaos that we're experiencing in the world it'll ultimately come during the month of Nissan not only were we freed once before during this time period but also we're going to be eventually freed during this very month it means that the time is trying to share with us a lesson it means that the time is trying to teach us something about how to live life you know what's interesting if you pay attention to the hag the ha is so profound has so many nuances in so many details if you take a chance you'll see in the rabbi sephr here but if you take a chance and you look at the hagad that we have there's so much commentary there's so many fine details there's so much Insight you can read two three words a sentence or two and you can spend hours and hours and hours debating of what it means but I want to share with you something if we read the ha we pay very very close attention theim tell us something brilliant they say you know there's a special mitzvah you have to recount you have to recall the story of the Jewish people leaving Egypt but the rabbis tell us something else they say you might have thought that when should you tell over this story about the Jewish people leaving Egypt you might have thought that you should have started it at the beginning of the month beginning of the month so what what are you talking about you read that as a child you hear it over and over you don't understand what it means what do you mean imagine if we celebrated puim in December imagine if we started doing things three months before from the beginning of the month tonight's the SED night tonight is PES why would I talk about it at the beginning of the month our are hinting to us something very very deep that the freedom that is rooted in the of P begins before the itself it begins when the month begins and the month ladies and G gent is beginning very soon so what does this mean that the month is imbued with freedom and what does freedom mean in the first place you know the Jewish people we have a lot of mitv and if I was to ask you today unless you already know what's the first Mitzvah you think God would give to the Jewish people when the Jewish people leave Egypt what do you think the first thing would be if you have to take a guess what do you think the first thing would be one of the Ten Commandments Shabbat what's the first thing the first that the Jewish people get as a nation as a free unified people is this very interesting profound Mitzvah that every month the Jewish people have a Mitzvah to Proclaim claim the new month how did it work back in the day two people would see the new moon they would go to yusal they would go to the bin and they would say rabbis we saw the moon how did it look it looked like this it looked like that they declared the new month and then before you knew it it would be the new month you have to ask yourself this is the Mitzvah that God wants to give to the Jewish people after hundreds of years of slavery this is the opening remarks Maybe should love your neighbor like yourself maybe shabat maybe one of these beautiful mitvah this is the Mitzvah that God opens with so interesting so profound and of course this Mitzvah this month that Hashem is talking about is which month the month of Nissan this is the first month this is the first time the Jewish people do this so we have we have our laid out for us let's let's go deep with your permission with the r permission with the permission let's go deep you know when we're trying to navigate relationships and we're trying to move things forward a key ingredient that we need is we have to have the ability to constantly start new sometimes you go through something in life and things get I don't want to say bad they they get difficult they become challenging they become stale and if you continue on the same path it doesn't necessarily just get better by itself you have to stop process and change make a newness within the relationship say things will be different do things differently act in a different way begin even in the midst of something that could be 10 20 30 years long Begin Again bring a newness into it in order to establish a healthier relationship and we all go through this that could even be sometimes with ourselves with our spouses with our children with our co-workers with whoever we engage with when things get bad the only way that things can get good is we have to stop we have to process and we have to be willing to bring a newness into our lives you know when theim tell us that you could have started from the beginning of the month they're telling us that hes the monthes comes from the root word kadash newness you know why you could have started from the beginning of the month it's not just that Nissan is filled with that freedom it's that the very precursor the very fact that someone can become free that someone can move from being a slave into a free individual that can move from a hardship that holds them back from a Trauma from a difficulty from a trial or tribulation to something new it means to be free means you have to be willing and able to become a new you have to be willing and able to look at the current situation and say I understand that I messed up or I understand things are difficult but I'm willing to make things new God tells the Jewish people the following he says you were in Egypt for a very long time things got difficult things got so bad we can't even fathom if you read through the midashim of what happened Horrors to the Jewish people difficulty between the Jewish people but he says if I take you out of Egypt it's not enough to be taken out to become free you yourself have to look in the mirror and say now I am a new person now I am able now I am willing to be a different individual than I was yesterday now I feel new Kash there is in my life there is a newness and this newness can allow me to be free you can take away all the problems of an individual in one moment but if the person's not willing to be new the person's not willing to change the way that they react to things the person's not willing to bring that into their life it's very hard for them to be able to fully grasp that freedom it's very hard for them to take it to heart it's very hard for them to move it forward how many people do we know that struggle with the same thing year after year and you wonder to yourself maybe it's us ourselves when are things going to change and then there's an opportunity that comes the individual is faced with a chance to really really change their lives but they don't grasp it they don't take it and you wonder why not why didn't you take that opportunity I'm sure the rabbis can say they've heard people that come to them with their problems sometimes you hear an individual's problems and you see that there's a pet you see there's an opportunity for them to okay this is it finally he's going to be able to make a prasa finally he's going to have Shalom finally he's going to be able to deal well with his kids his kids are coming around they want to work better with their father with their mother finally is's the opportunity and what happens the individual still lives like yesterday he still thinks like he did 2 days ago and he still behaves like he did a month ago and if you still live in the reality of yesterday can today provide you with anything no today can't give you something that yesterday couldn't give you unless today is new unless today is Kash unless today is a are telling us that in relationships and what p is because PES is the opportunity where the Jewish people come from individuals that are enslaved to a nation that is free a relationship with God that is so profound and so powerful our are saying that it starts with being new it starts with stopping and processing and deciding to move forward but I want to share with you a difficulty you see sometimes when we try to be new in life sometimes when we try to move forward in life we make a grave mistake some times we think that all I have to do is forget my past all I have to do is leave everything that once was behind me but we all know that doesn't work what's the hardest time to wake up for Shak on time not a regular Tuesday it's the day after yam kipur I just had 25 hours I just fulfilled Rabbi what do you mean I was just there I was standing next to you I was shaking more than than the other guy I was sweating the whole time I was thinking of the drink at the end I didn't do it I'm there Rabbi okay the next day you know in yes in a lot of places they have the custom the day after yum kipur they start Shak earlier this way to give the message of we're not here we're not running away we want to come back what happened weren't you just yesterday shaking weren you just with the fervor didn't you just look like the most Pious individual okay but but sometimes when we go to reassess and to readdress the situation that we're in we forget about our past instead of utilizing our past to help move us forward I want to share with you a beautiful Insight the mikim share this insight and it's profound they say when God takes the Jewish people out he does it with but they say he also started this galut with K all of a sudden the Jewish people are Egypt for hundreds of years and one day par wakes up he's a new king say what does it mean he's a new king is it a different person or could be a different person but could also be a person who forgot the history that he had what happened to the protexia we were paying them off the whole time second in command we saved the entire nation you forgot we got our grandfather hanging on the wall in the White House you forgot all of a sudden parro gets up one day he's done I almost saidas but not the right crowd he's done the same what you say I so I hear you I hear you 100% here so we have this newness the same newness what's the difference you tell me the newness brings us into life this this newness helps us move forward it seems like this newness throws us into the ground and I want to share with you something that MIM Shar that's so beautiful so profound and it could change the way you connect the PES you know my Rabbi RAB he always used to say it's very hard to connect to the holidays because when you're in Yesa or when you're studying every day all day you really you're focused on it a lot so when it comes it's easy it's beautiful you're in it but sometimes when you're working all day you wake up one day and you realize oh my goodness I have 5 days left to the I have two days left it's already the third day I'm already five days into he always says that if it's very hard to connect find one d t on the holiday that you really feel like it encompasses it for you learn it very very very well and take that to heart and ride the H with that whatever it might be every individual sometimes we try to pick up so many different things take at least one idea harp on it get a real on it share it with the family live the experience and use that to carry you through the this is what the rabbis are sharing with us is something that's so profound if we forget our past traumas if we forget our trials and tribulations if we forget I'm an angry guy but I'm just not going to be angry anymore there's no way you're going to be able to survive but if we take our past with us if we take the difficult times with us if we take the relationships that were not so great and we remember why perhaps they weren't so great and then we say with this information I'm going to bring a new with this information I'm going to change not forgetting my past not like parro that wakes up one day and says who's this yosf who are these Jewish people no no no no no remember who you are on the inside remember the difficulties remember the time you said the wrong thing remember every time you had a challenge Lo aleno but with the kids or with the wife or with the husband whatever it might be your co-workers The Strife anything that you may be going through remember it and connect to it and use it as ammunition to live life to the fullest remember when it was so so bad that it was hard for you to imagine a time when it would be good and take that with you then that newness can be healthy then that newness can lead us to Freedom then we can be individuals that sit on PES night and when we lean not we lean and then we think no no no it's not you're leaning so that you think you're free you're leaning because you quite literally are a free individual you leave you leave your problems not at your doorstep you take them with you but but you take them with you in a way that you help yourself move forward not forgetting your own identity not forgetting All the Troubles not waking up one day and saying it's done no no no no no waking up one day and saying I recognize all the difficulties I've had in life I recognize all the issues and all the times I made a mistake but I'm going to take that with me not to be baggage that holds me back but that guides me for how I should react to things in the future if it's anger learn how to Pivot out of those types of situations if perhaps you struggle with other areas learn how to navigate them if you have struggled communicating with your kids use that information to remind yourself that the next time you bring up a conversation or you text your son or you call your daughter up make sure you understand this is something I struggle with don't forget about it don't become like a king who doesn't remember who is his second in command become individuals that understand that time is a new and it gives us an opportunity an opportunity to do great things I heard something fascinating once famous director was once uh sitting with someone who was writing his screenplay and the way that they do this they do this many people don't know this but they do this a lot of times with batch work which means it's not just that they get together for hour-long meetings they'll maybe not meet for a week or two weeks but when they do meet they'll spend eight hours together the more time you spend together creates a lot of creativity because you're you're sitting like uh like you're mamash you're in the sug you're living it so this director sitting down with someone writing the script and they get to a new scene and he tells him this is the song I want to be in that scene so the guy says this is the song you want to be in the background of the scene we didn't even write what they're going to say we didn't even write what they're talking about we don't even know what's going to be in the scene how's it possible you're telling me what music you want first you write the script then you bring in the actors then you do everything then you come up with the back you bring in the orchestra and they plan the music you're telling me the music you want already in the play he says you're making a big mistake says while you're worried with what everybody's going to be saying I'm already thinking about what the music will sound like in the background I'm already two steps ahead of you I'm already focused on the full picture you're stuck figuring things out I'm already imagining how beautiful it's going to be when people are sitting in that play and they hear the music accompanying the actors ra I can't stress this enough and I'm a nobody to share this with you but it feels so connect for me to share it if we want to live a life to the fullest we want to be able to become champions of our destiny we want to be like the Jewish people that walked out of Egypt and they saw what happened and they saw their future right before them they saw the opportunity they connected to God Almighty they went with their family and they were uplifted from the deepest depths of Despair until they became champions of their Destiny until they became the nation that went through the midbar we have to be able to hear the music of our own lives we have to be able to understand where we going in the future we have to be able to not just make a new when it comes to the struggles we have to learn to be individuals that also Imagine where we want to be we have to be individuals that can really tap into the root of Freedom people that can sit down and can think and have discussions and Ponder where is my life going to be in a year and two years and 3 years and 5 years not just my business not just forecasting the Goods but focusing on life itself what type of Life do I want to live and I work with college students we have 6,000 Jewish students on our campus we're the largest university we have 72,000 students between us and Arizona State we have 6,000 actual Jewish students on campus and inevitably in a lot of talks I always ask the students to kind of like think about their future because everybody's in college so everybody's trying to get a career they're all somewhat focused on their future okay maybe not the creative dance Majors they don't anticipate on picking up a career but but those that are in school for for a trade or they're in school for a profession and I ask them I say tell me where you want to be in 3 years postgraduation and then I get a little bit more detail I said what type of person are you going to be with I say a little bit after that what type of family you going to raise it's a little bit after are you going to be a type of person that gives temp % to charity or not so much and then you get more and more detailed what happens is they realize that they've built this imaginary future for themselves but they forgot about all the important things they only thought about I'll get a job I'll go I'll get my degree and I'll go and I'll get my job they don't even imagine the Beauty and the details of what life can possibly bring they haven't even gone through the homework of the type of true lifestyle that they want to live they thought maybe I'll be a doctor lawyer by us a lot of people become engineers because we're close to Nasa but they didn't think deeply about it pissan is a new year we know tell us that Nissan is really R it's a new time for us to sit down and to think there's going to be a lot of hectic turbulence in the house right everybody's cleaning everybody's getting ready it gets very very very busy you're searching in parts of the house you didn't know existed before you know it there's things there you didn't know that was ever in your house you find your kids puim candy stash that's in the back of the garage tucked beneath on floorboards because he wants to keep the candy through PES right you got all these things happening sit down take a moment with your spouse or yourself and process where was I last year where are the relationships I'm struggling the most with what are those issues that are taking place what are those problems that are happening and what can I possibly learn from these past experiences to help me supercharge the year to come and inah you're going to sit down at the p and you're going to think about these ideas in advance and when you get there you'll lean because you are a free person because you are royalty and you'll love it and you'll enjoy it and you'll connect to it because it's true and your family will start to experience it and we won't have to be in these relationships where there's a struggle for power because if I'm a person I want people to experience that as well and people get in line with that they feel connected to that we should all be able to internalize that and we should all be to see the coming [Applause] of for such powerful words andash with and such nice idea to think and to prepare our before PES I was thinking today for two minutes I was sitting and thinking which kind of Z our K have to host by PES K today I was thinking I drove from Five Towns here back home and I thought for seven and a half years I wanted to bring P to our and which kind of Z we had that today we have him in our and I think the answer is is because our sh members each one of them he is so precious and he has such good heart to come close to AOS and when it comes to any aspect that relates to Torah people from a any every single individual he will be the first one to jump and to say I want to come to I would like to give Sedaka I would love to come to learn Torah their heart Rabbi is so warm when it comes to T and because of that we have the to toost it is a great for me to have been invited by my dear friend Robie abof to come to the bukari and Jewish community and to talk to all of you tonight on a very very important topic the topic as we said is to elevate your relationships and to unveil and to reveal the secrets of the Hol day of PES this is being dedicated as you heard before by many people letter and also for two individuals I was very touched with what Rabbi yanit said before rabay yanit asked a question what is a rabbi supposed to do that's a great question because every Rabbi and every synagogue has a different approach but what rabay Yan said is so true and that's the topic of tonight Elevate our relationships our relationships with each other and our relationships with I don't have to be like you you don't have to be like me and both of us don't have to be like him everybody has to do the same thing come closer to Hashem and that's the reason that's what rabay said that's what a is all about and that's why we get together tonight and so that's going to be the focus our relationships between each other and our relationship ships between Hashem so I want to tell you a little story a couple years ago I started writing a and I was hoping that by the time I finish it'll be before the holiday of PES and everybody's going to go to the store and buy it and what happened I finished the ha and then came Co and nobody was in the stores and I was going crazy I worked 2 and a half years I have so many stories and you're going to hear many of them tonight and this a which is for sale here but how who's going to buy it during Co and then what happened two things happened one thing a scroll moved from Brooklyn to New Jersey and the governor of New Jersey said that religious stores could be open during Co so all of a sudden artscroll was able to sell them because it's a Rel store and it was during Co but then what happened was that many many synagogues gave these hot to people for free they bought them because the people were going to be alone so there were many many women who called me after the holiday and they said Rabbi cron I was sitting with you all night just me and you I said please don't tell it to my wife I understand what they meant they were reading it as a matter of fact one lady told me she said all my life I never even knew that you're supposed to say after the I always say it my family always said it but of course most of the women are so tired they don't even realize you're supposed to say sh but that night of Co they had nothing to do they didn't have to serve except themselves so they were able to see but but just when I was finishing the ha and I was almost ready to give it in I heard the most touching painful story there was a father that was sitting in the concentration camp with his son the whole family had been killed the only ones left was the father and the little boy and the little boy said ABA can I ask you the four questions and the ABA said you know them by heart he said yeah I still remember them and the father was so tired and the father was beaten had been beaten and the boy was hungry cuz they went the concentration camp and the little boy said the manano and then after he finished a questions he said to his father ABA I have a fifth question that I want to ask you and he said my child what do you want to ask me he said ABA are you and I going to be here next year that I would be able to ask you these questions again and the father started crying and he said my child nobody knows what tomorrow brings I don't know if I'm going to be here next year I don't know if you're going to be here next year but one thing I know for sure all around the world someplace they going to be little boys that are going to be asking their father the four questions you know why cuz that's hashem's promise to us the Jews are going to survive and every morning when we remember we say in the morning is and then we talk about and then at night in our we say that shows us don't worry what the go are thinking don't worry how they're punishing us don't worry how they enslave us we're going to make it and they won't make it we're going to make it and you know why that story is so important because you see I was born in America most of you here were not born in America my mother was born in America so I grew up to love this country in my life I would never ever imagine that there would be such open hatred in America against Jews since October 7th written in the newspapers open in the colleges everybody against Jews even the president is so influenced by his people that he has to say Terrible Things how in the world could a Jewish man like Schumer say something against Jews who would ever believe that such a thing could happen in America but you know what that's what this is telling you we're going to make it no matter what they try to do in there Israel no matter what America or all the countries in the world we survive that's what we have to remember tonight and we have to feel good and we have to feel proud and look at us coming together in a free country knowing that this story of hatred against Jews started in MIM but we say it in bed we remember in the good times and we remember in AR in the difficult times and that's the first thing that we have to remember tonight look at all of you think about your parents and grandparents and great-grandparents were they able to have a synagogue like this your grandfather or your grandmother if they are looking down from Shay they can't believe it in tashar in all these places they thought J Judaism was over yeah but then you have rebies like RAB yanit and all the other wonderful Rabon that show us you know something we're going to be here that's what the father was telling to the little boy we don't know what tomorrow is and maybe we won't be here but the Jewish people are going to be here and that's why we have to feel great and happy and fortunate because no matter what no matter what happens in Isel thank you no matter what okay no matter what happens in a Isel we're going to make it and if that's the case we have to think about how do we give over this positive feeling of and Andes how do we give it over to our children and I'll tell you if if you look in the Tor you will see that when Moshe went to par and said we want to take out the Jewish people and he said go ahead take out the adults and you know what MOS said you see these kids these little guys and that little boy there and that little boy there they mentioned first and these two kids here right B we don't go out just adults it's the children and the adults together that's what CL is all about that's what this title is relationships it's not only relationships with our friends and neighbors it's our children that's more important than anything else and what does the pasuk say at the end of tanak what's going to happen at the end of says I'm going to send before that great day and Rashi says today look at your schools the bharian schools look at the schools in the Syrian communities the Moroccan communities the kids are growing they're doing they're learning more Tora than we ever did when we were kids in almost every every Community you have what did we have that when we were growing up of course not but the kids are so special it started with the kids and hasem says is going to see the kids the little guys they're the ones that are going to inspire all of us so we're here tonight to be tight with each other and to know that the relationship is not only with each other and with hasem but with our families there is no holiday that we are more connected to our families than the holiday of P so how do we build a home how do we make sure that the kids love yish kite so I want to tell you a very interesting story The gamar tells us the gar tells us that eloi was once walking with r BR this is a gor in ESS and it says like this and as they were walking Eli Whispers to ra you see these two guys they're coming towards us they're going straight to theems they're going straight to so Raba was surprised he thought he knew those two guys he didn't know they're so special they're going straight to so it's interesting afteri walked away he went over to them and he said what do you guys do I heard such wonderful things about you listen to what they said they said we are happy people we make those that are said we make them happy imagine that if you could make somebody happy and we know there a lot of sad people out there today many people have problems with health family children marriage panasa but if you could put your arm around somebody and make him feel happy you're going straight to but now listen to The Genius comment of the what did they answer he asked he asked them a question what do you guys do so they should have said we make people happy that's not what they said they said we are happy people we make others happy why did they say that we are happy people that was not the question the question was what do you do and listen what the M says that which they said we are happy and we make others happy comes to teach us you want to make your wife happy you want to make your kids happy you want to make your husband happy you want to make your co-workers happy you have to be happy if you are a miserable person always yelling always criticizing always looking for the bad you're not going to make anybody happy the first lesson in a happy house is that you have to be happy and in case anybody here has a spouse that's unhappy I want to tell you what to do look in the mirror cuz you might see yourself and then you'll see oh you know why she's unhappy or you know why he's unhappy because you're unhappy and if you're unhappy you can't make anybody happy that's the first lesson you have to learn how to be happy and you have to learn not to yell and to scream and to you know something you know what he once said he said many of the kids in the house they're not dropouts they're pushouts what does it mean pushouts cuz the parents are yelling at them you know it's a different culture here many parents think if they yell at the kids oh they're going to listen I'll tell you what they're going to listen to they're going to listen to their friends and they're going to leave the house a house has to be a happy place that's the first thing and when it's a happy place that's when you can make others happy now I want to say something because we're talking about relationships and I want to read something from a book about what children learn from the marriage of their parents children are deeply affected by the ways parents demonstrate respect for each other when parents praise or compliment each other they send a message of value that is fully absorbed by the child when parents demean each other that means they criticize and they create discomfort and conflict in the child disrespect between parents creates an impact of marriage as an unsafe place to be you know why there's so many divorces today cuz many of the kids come from homes where there was conflict I'm not going to ask anybody to raise the hand when was the last time any husband here said a nice thing to his wife in front of the kids when was the last time any wife here said a nice thing about the husband in front of the children children few hours I didn't ask anybody to raise your hands but you go home and you think about that when was the last time you told your wife in front of the kids that was a great supper that was a great cake that was a great soup or when was the last time a wife said to her husband in front of the children thank you for bringing home the money that we can buy clothes for y not how come we don't have a house like somebody else how come we don't have an SUV like somebody else you know what that shows to the kids that parents don't get along why should they get married why should they stay married it's an unsafe place to be you have to begin having a happy home you know how you have a happy home when you look for the good in the other person and you give a compliment that's the relationship and when you have a happy home then the children want to be there then you can teach them about Tor and mitv because then a Jewish Home is a happy place to be and that's what we need more than anything else I once saw a great expression the right temperature in a home is maintained by warm Hearts not Hot Heads I want to repeat that again the right temperature in a home is maintained by warm Hearts not Hot Heads and if we're talking about relationships and we want our children to continue that's the only way that it's going to happen now I want to tell you a very very important lesson we know in the there are four Sons the the r the and the of course is the smart one the rash is the wicked one the Tom the simple child and now Rabbi Schwab as a very interesting question and the answer is even better than the question he says how do we talk how do we introduce the four children we say this God has blessed ham means the place but Hashem is called ham when do we say ham by very sad things you have to go you say to the Hashem should comfort you why do we say h because a person could feel God where are you like how how could you do this to me so he say God is all over the place don't worry he'll take care of you and what happens if somebody lost money what do we say to them don't worry God he's going to fill your loss again it's something sad somebody lost money so we say to them H don't worry Hashem sees everything he'll take care of you and what happens of those we say and the prayers people are in foreign countries and we worry how they going to get free we say Hashem who is all over is going to have compassion what's it got to do in the why are we saying H and R Schwab says something very important he says sometimes the children are sitting around the Seder and the father looks at his kids and the mother looks at the kids and the grandparents look at the kids and they say oh my my God how did these kids become like this I didn't think they were going to be like this wearing earrings and places you didn't even think you could wear earrings going with go listening to the terrible music like how did that happen so H they feel bad that's why it starts H but then listen what says you know what it says by every child four times you know why cuz every child is a blessing never ever give up on a child ever cuz every child can come back no matter where child was no matter what he watched no matter what he did no matter where he went every child can come back sometimes it's the father or mother that will bring him back or sometimes they need a mentor or a guide a rebi a I'm in in but every child every child is a blessing never ever give up on a child and I want to tell you something amazing all of us know the famous story in the Tor when yov wanted to give the toim man so he switched his hands and his son YF said ABA what are you doing man he's the older one you should put the right hand and the left hand listen to this expression remember it forever the father said no don't worry my child I know what I'm doing is going to be great he'll be a nation listen to this expression the little guy he's going to be the big one and you know what the kakar says on this and every time I go to Prague and I go to the synagog where the was the rabbi I quote this and listen to what he says what does that mean that the little guy is going to be the big one picks out those kids that everybody thought were inferior they thought they were not going to be the biggest everybody in the class now I don't know you most most people you don't come from America I don't know how it worked in your high school in your eighth grade or 12th grade or whatever but think back to the years when you graduated the guys or the girls in your class that were the smartest and you thought they would be the biggest are they the biggest no what happened it was the kid who was sitting in the back the kid who nobody thought anything was going to be special somehow that guy became the leader he became the rabbi he became the leader in the community how did that happen cuz Hashem picks out those kids that nobody thinks anything is going to be with them just remember that God loves those kids and he brings them a teacher he brings them a mentor so don't give up on any of your kids and who cares if they don't get a 90 think back to your high school does it really make a difference now if you got a 90 or 95 in geography or biography or chemistry I don't even know how to spell chemistry so what or biology I don't know anything about biology and Mathematics my wife knows not me she takes care of the books in the house but that means I can't accomplish everybody could accomplish Hashem picks out those kids that's why it says b four times never ever give up up on a child and you know something never give up on yourself no matter what your brother-in-law says about you or your sister-in-law who you haven't spoken to her four months or four years every one of us can be great everyone is a that's what the Torah that's what the is telling you every child is now I meant to bring this I don't know how in the world I left it home but I'm going to send it to the rabbi and he'll give out to every single one of you will be able to have one of these I want to tell you a story about this many years ago there was a woman who was in one of the concentration camps and somehow she survived her name was Irma H ha as and she was in one of the concentration camps and then she survived she came to Washington Heights and then she moved to Israel and when she was 101 she died and there was a woman in tenek her niece I just want to mention her name it should be a for her Judy Marcus who took all the papers that this lady had from the concentration camp and from all the papers and in there was a listen to thisa and I want to give it to each and every one of you every single one of you should take one and make sure you get it from the rabbi and you put it by your seder table cuz I want to tell you the story you see Mrs rahas had a teila that a rabbi wrote in the concentration camp because the rabbi realized that they're going to have to eat Kitz because you can't get matah in the concentration camp and he knew that the people were very religious this man's name was Rabbi France F Rabbi Davids David he was a big he was the of rdam in Holland his name was RAB Davids and he was a big and he wrote a I saw the original copy of how he wrote it in his hand and then I had it printed out and again I'm going to send it to the rabbi every one of you take this T I'm going to read it and I'm going to read it in English but it's here in Hebrew and in English and this is the prayer that he said that everybody should read in the concentration camp before they eatz Our Father in Heaven you know very well that we want to do your desire and to celebrate P by eating matah and not eating but to our heartfelt regret we're enslaved here in the concentration camp and we find ourselves with our lives in danger and the tells us you have to watch your life you have to do everything to try to keep yourself alive Al therefore we pray to you help us stay alive help us exist and redeem us we should be able to do your now the reason that I feel that you should make a copy of of this and put it on your table by the Seder just read it to the children and read it to yourself and be grateful that you're in a free country because many of your ancestors could not make a Seder and we should never forget how grateful we have to be there are a lot of people neb neb and the south of Earth Israel they're not going to make us s this year so many of them are displaced from their home I know people who have to pay money for the kids to get therapy because they were this place from the North and the South they're going through gim over there we have to be so grateful that we're able to have a Seder with freedom and happiness I want to tell you a story that I heard what does it mean when one Jew cares for the other you wouldn't believe this I have a dear friend RAB Yakov gibber and so he took 25 of his balaba his people to Israel for 3 days and they went to the warfront and they went to the houses where people were displayed were displaced and then they went to tashir hospital is the biggest Hospital in is and they have one flooran for amputees amputees means people who lost a limb a hand a shoulder a leg and these guys they went in to try to give what do you say to a 22y old guy who has on now only one leg or one hand and listen to this you could cry they were walking around that they saw an old man a 70-year old man who was in ampute he was dressed in a regular suit he was sitting by one of the beds and they were wondering what is he doing here he's not from the Army so they went over to him and they said sir we just want to ask you what are you doing here listen to what he said he said 51 years ago on the Yom kipa War I was a soldier and he said he lost his leg he said he was an amput he says I come here every day to tell the soldiers their lives are not over I was able to get a job I was able to get married I became a father and a grandfather and that's what I come here here to tell these guys that's is that's caring for each other that's amazing exactly that's what we started out with we give to each other never give up on a child never give up on yourself and never give up on any Jew and Claw Israel because we could all be great every single one of us now I want to tell you something very interesting that I'm very proud of and of course most people don't know this we know that the holiday is called pesak why what does PES mean so most people think it means to jump over right Hashem jumped over the Jewish homes and that's why in English it's called Passover because Hashem passed over the Jewish homes but that's not what the tum says the what I'm sorry oh sorry yeah the the says that p means to have pity had pity on the Jewish people that live behind those doors and it says had compassion so I would rather be called a compassionate person than a Passover person right so I'm very happy that according to the t p means to have compassion so I want to show you what does it mean to have compassion I'll tell you two stories you won't believe it one of the greatest people in the previous generation he died just a number of years ago was rabo or he was a he knew and he was the warmest and the kindest person it's impossible for you to see a picture of without a big smile it's unbelievable and there's another Jew today in is that every single one of you go see him his name is RAB zilin I love that man he has the biggest and the warmest smile in the world and he knows more Tora than anybody else he was the brother-in-law of R kki the son oflaw I mean it's unbelievable go to Israel see him while you're still can just get a it's worth to go just to go and get a from him and come back and see his shining face just amazing so his nephew told me the story his name is m I forgot his last name and told said to him you know when you burn the at night the next morning come to my house I have something for you to do he said but it's very busy it's a of PES and don't forget they have only one they not like us that we have two Sedum they have one the uncle said I need you to come don't ask me questions just come okay the goor his uncle or says to come so of course he's going to come so what happened was he comes andman has 10 envelopes and each one is addressed but each one is sealed he said take these 10 envelopes and deliver them and he looks at the envelopes and he looks at the addresses he recognizes some of those addresses they're very poor people he said Uncle I gave these people money already I know they're famous people they're wonderful people but they're very poor I gave them don't ask question just deliver it okay he had 10 envelopes and he had to rush so each person that he came into the house he said look I got an envelope for and he ran but by the fifth one he was slowing down and he watched how the fifth person opened the envelope and he was curious to see what was in there there was some cash and there were tickets to the Biblical Zoo there's a zoo that has various animals that they have in the Tor in and in each envelope there was a some cash and the tickets to the Biblical Zoo he couldn't believe it that's what Salman wanted to give out before PES so when he went to the next house he waited around to the guy to open the envelope and that's the same thing tickets to the zoo and some cash so that was number seven then number eight number he couldn't believe it now he was too busy so he told me he couldn't go back to and he wasn't going to call him but right after on he goes to and he says re you got to explain it to me what was so important to give out those envelopes a of P listen to Greatness and he said like this he said said I know the kids in by ding they're going to be talking and they're going to be saying to their friends oh you know where I'm going to my daddy my ABA my IMA they're taking me on a trip and there's going to be some poor kids there they have no place to go and they're going to feel terrible and they're going to come home and they're going to say to their ABA you know that kid he's going on a trip how come we're not going on a trip so not only does it ruin the yff of the kids but it ruins the yff of the parents as well so I want to say to all of you we know that in every community and including this one they're going to be kids that can't afford to go on a trip but you're going to be able to take your children and grandchildren make sure that you take one of the kids in the neighborhood that's what the compassion of PES is PES is a time of raus to think of other people Now's the Time to invite people I want to tell you yesterday I had one of the saddest shabos in my life yesterday I spoke four times for an organization you should never know from this organization it's called sister to sister divorced women 400 and 50 divorced women in the armone hotel in Stanford Connecticut they were not allowed to bring their children if you would hear the stories of some of their I don't even want to say spouses but louses whatever how they treat they won't some of them can't even get a get some of them the husbands don't pay alimony they don't pay support some of that became not religious and they're trying to influence the children it was geham on this Earth to meet with some of those women all of us know people like that invite them whether they have their children or not invite them for the holiday if you can't have them for the S okay I understand but during the daytime meals and this year you have Shabbat think about that that's what p is not Passover p is to the topic of this talk is relationships learning the lessons of p is we have to reach out here's another story what does it mean about PES there was a great sadic his name was the Scala rebbi reaba zisha Portugal I had this to meet him once in my life when he was very very old but he was such a sadik everybody knew in Romania during the war him and his wife they had boys and girls in the home to hide them so they wouldn't have to go to the Army where they would become not religious and then after the war he was in a place called bukovina in Romania it was still under Soviet control but now they were free it was after the war so the Scala rebba told one of his T and again I just want to mention his name it should be fishal carepo and I know the writer is back there k r p l so she's sitting there writing you're going to be able to read about this in her newspaper but the idea is he went and he got some wheat and he made some flour and then the rebon made mates and he knew there were some rabbis that had been able to survive the Concentration Camp so he said and he announced any Rabbi that comes he's going to give them three M now there was another rebi that lived in the serah vision rebi he had an 8-year-old son Moshe Moshe when he became big became the rebi the S Vision to re in he told me the story when he was an older person he told me I was 8 years old and my father sent me to the Scala rebbi because he was giving out three mates and I said you know I'm the son of the Ser vision rebi and the SC Reb gave me such a hug he said oh I love your father he's such a sadik he had given the three Matas so the little boy told me I mean he wasn't the little boy when he told me the story he said I said to the rebi my father can't said I can't leave until you give me six Monas he said six everybody needs three moners for the say that is I can't give you six I want for the other rabbis he said look what should I do my father said I can't leave until you give me six what was this Scala re going to do this was a big sadik so she said okay I don't give anybody six I'm going to give you six only because your father's a big sadik now listen to this a of a of right before the holiday a couple hours before the Y Moshe told me he comes back with three and he gives it to the rabbi to SC rebi the re says what are you making a joke I only wanted to give you three I gave you six and you bring me back three listen to what he said he said my father told me that you're going to give all the best Matas to everybody else and you're not going to have the best ones so he knew you were going to give me the best ones so he saved three so I can give it back to you so you'll have three of the best ones for the S could you believe that and the the gab of the rebi today told me that he was there he also saw it those that are that you who thinks like that when you have when you think about other Jews you're not thinking only about yourself that's really what it's all about so I want to tell you a painful story it's a very painful story but it's important you know I have a friend who's a psychologist I don't know why all my friends are psychologists and therapists maybe there's something wrong with me I don't know but whatever but I learn a lot from them so this guy's name is Mayor wickler so mayor wickler tells me that one time he had this 22-year-old girl in his office and you know she was troubled and he had her once twice the third time he said to her you know this is the third time that you're in this office not once did you mention your father you want to tell me something about your father he said the second he said the word your father she burst into tears and he says to me he said I don't know why I asked her that I should have left things alone she didn't want to talk she didn't talk about her father why did I have to say I said listen you're the psychologist you I don't know he said when she started crying he said to her please I'm so sorry that I asked the question please you don't have to talk about your father she said no I want to tell you something she said when you mentioned my father I remembered something that happened pesak at night at the Sedar he said pesak at night at the Sedar I said yeah it was the night of the Sedar and I took the afikoman in many families the kids take the afian my father never let us use the word steal a doesn't steal you take the Alan you hide it you don't steal a doesn't steal she said I took the A and my father knew that I took the A and at the end of the L he came over to me and he said I know you have the afrian what do you want for the afrian and you know what she said a conversation she just wanted he should spend time with her he was so busy doing a million thing never had time for her that's what she wanted that's why she was crying she said my father was too busy now there's a wonderful lady her name is Mrs slavy wolf she's a daughter of rebit and young Grace she once told this sad story that once at a PES seder all the kids took the afan together and at the end of the Seder the kids the father said who has the afan and they said we all took it together cuz we all want the same thing and he said what do you all want he said we want you to come once a week for supper you're never with us for supper you're always so busy you're making so much money we don't care about that we want to see you we want to talk to you come and the wife was crying and he was embarrassed he said okay after the S there the next week Monday night he came but he came after dinner they were so disappointed and he said kids I told you I would come I have something better for you so they said ABA what you're going to come twice a week he said no I bought each of you a laptop and the mother started crying and she said the most incredible comment she said my dear husband they don't want presents p r s n TS they want presen p r n c now your presence you should be there that's what they want I remember I once asked RBA one of the I said I speak to parents about education what should I tell them he said tell every parent there's two things they have to give their kids time and love and my son was there so he asked ra how much time you have to give your kids and you know what Raa said as much as they need now I'm not going to ask by a raise of hands when was the last time any father or mother had a decent conversation with your child you ever go for a walk with them you ever spend time with them I want to tell you what I do with my kids I have five kids every every single week without fail every kid had a half hour undivided attention you want to go bowling we'll go bowling you want to buy pizza we'll buy pizza you want to learn Ezra we'll learn Ezra just me and you nobody else if there's any father here or any mother here who doesn't know the name of the child's three best friends or they don't know the name or their child's favorite color you got homework to do who else is going to validate your kids except you if there's any father here that doesn't know the name of the gar that your child is learning of you don't know the name of the teacher you got homework that's relationships that's the holiday of pesak that's the future of CLA Israel You're all so lucky that you got out of the Russian country and you're here and you have a great Rabbi who wants to teach you and make all of you grow and we could grow this is a great place for growth and we have to take advantage if Hashem gives us an opportunity we have to be sure that we're going to do that so I just want to review quickly and then we'll end with a fabulous story let's remember what that father said to that son in alwiz I don't know if we're going to be here next year are you're going to be here next year but there will always be children that will be asking their fathers the four questions as long as we talk about MIM in the morning and MIM in the evening and we remember that no matter what difficulties Jews had we survived we survived Spain we survived Portugal we survived Rome and we even survived Poland and all those and we're going to survive we're going to survive all of that it's not going to be easy it's not going to be easy and especially today when the whole world is against but give it a couple years you'll see It'll be so different it'll just be a bad nightmare like Co it'll pass and that's the guarantee that we have in the and that's the guarantee when we say every day let's remember we start with the children and the Children First and then that's at the End of Time says through the children the parents are inspired let's remember you want to have a happy house you have to be happy the only way you can make happy people happy your spouse your children your co-workers if you're happy if you're happy you'll make other people happy the four Sons never give up on a child that's why it says borrow four times every child has a future that's what yov taught y EP may be younger but you're going to see he's going to be the great one no matter what your child is you he could be great she could be great and you could be great don't ever give up on anyone let's remember that which I'm going to send to the rabbi keep it on your table and you'll be able to see how fortunate we are that we have a free country and we can do all these things let's remember that the holiday p means to have ronus like had Rus and those families had poor children that wouldn't be able to go to the Biblical Zoo he made sure that they had tickets let's remember how the rebi the S vision of rebi made sure the Scola rebi who was giving Matas to everybody that he would have Matas and let's remember time and love how much time as much as they need and that's what that girl wanted she wanted the conversation I just want to end just with this adorable adorable story many of you know RAB Arya LaVine was a great sadik and during the 1930s and 40s before Israel became a state so the British took many of the Palestinian people the people in Earth is so they put them in jail and the only one that was allowed to visit them was RAB Arya line and so one morning after the Seder he came they allowed him inside the jail and he said were you guys able to have a Seder last night they said yeah I said oh very nice they let you have some wine yeah we had the wine and the matah so they let you do everything no no no there was one thing that didn't let us do when we wanted to open the door for ELO Nai they wouldn't let us open the [Laughter] door so we're not really free so said you're making a big mistake that's not what freedom is you see because many of us have such desires and such passions and such addictions and such distractions that makes us a slave but if you open up your heart to Hashem and you do mitv and you're free to do mitv the way your heart wants oh that's when you're free not if they open the door for you Y and the whole bharan Community has opened the door for all of us let us as the r said so brilliantly that's what a r is to bring us closer to hasem it's our BR together that we should use this wonderful H let us try this next couple weeks to prepare you could buy this haod you'll see great stories get other Haas or whatever and read and prepare as the r said before and you'll be a new person and we'll be able to give give it over to our children and hopefully to see together with them mhia and next year we'll have the bharan community Ines thank you for inviting me and thank you for [Applause] listening