CHAZAQ's Torah Talks #215 Rabbi Ephraim Meth & Mr. Robbie Neuman - The Power of Speech

the himself was supposed to be an incredibly fun engaging person to talk with. How is it possible that the the saddic who's the the paragon right the example the role model right of not speaking lashhara and how is it possible for him to be such a wonderful exciting person to talk with so it struck me I was thinking about my grandmother after she passed away shalom she was always saying nice things about people she never saw anything that was bad she never saw anything that was that was that was a failure everything was a person's strengths a person's successes and it struck me that the the solution is lushing to we train ourselves to speak positive then we don't have to worry about avoiding the negative because that's just what naturally comes out of our mouth. [Music] Welcome to tonight's episode of Torah Talks where we have the great great honor we have an amazing topic the power of speech the the kayak the power of of what we say from our mouths and we have our we have we have two special friends of Kazak we have Rabbi Fry meth over here we have Robbie Newman over here thank you for joining us and before we jump into the powerful topic tonight if we can hear some background of the of yourself and the great work you're involved >> so shalom um thank you very much for this opportunity Um I grew up in Queens and I have really really wonderful amazing parents who are great role models for me and I was also privileged that my grandparents also were wonderful role models and I you know for many many years I I you know was able to to watch them and interact with them and there's one story in particular that sort of um is what got me into this topic of it's a story from my grandmother my mother's mother and uh she when she first you know came to America she was working as a substitute in the public school system and she was teaching it was non-Jewish students and she would come in as a substitute and she would say I want to tell you something right that us Jews practice and she would explain to them a little bit about ashenhara right and the opposite and how we try to avoid saying things that are negative and saying things that are hurtful and saying things that can tear other people down and she said that every time that she gave this lesson right in in a public school to to to these children who didn't know anything they would come to her and they would say we we wish that we had rules rules like this also. We wish that we had rules like this also because they were able to see how much it elevates and enriches a person's life, right? When they and their friends and their whole circle and the people around them are all talking positively and being careful to build people up and not to do the opposite. >> Perfect. Rob, can you give us also just a little bit background of yourself and the great work you're involved with? >> Hi, my name is Robin Newman. I grew up in Montreal. Um went to Shimaru Mexico. My father was a dentist there on Vimei Lua. Then I moved to I moved to Queens about maybe about 50 years ago and I had the fortunate mat from B to meet Rabbi and basically he's my Rabbi Mik and he's learned with me about about 50 years now. And um guided my life in very unique way. We had a many many years ago we used we had we had a program for children was called the Bosur center that had that that took place in Ra's bisme. We hired we hired private we hired raim for children in yeshiva in the local yeshiva here so they can come home and um basically went to bism and they had private tutoring these great grade X grade Y and so forth and a lot a lot of yeshiva a lot of children were we expanded on that program it's a very very fascinating program a lot a lot of children are learning a lot of different makers not all the fathers have $100 an our private touring and not all the fathers remember the learning 20 25 years ago and there's a lot of stress in not only a in in teaching but especially your own children because you have anas these programs are very very they're they're unbelievable we hired of the best malam in the United States and then it's designed these are malam just who are specialists in teaching children 12 years old 13 14 15 and it works it works big time big time we close to 7,000 Collins and Namish works. There's no reason a child has to go to yeshiva with stress that they're marred. They're going to ask him to say the gummur in front of 20 25 kids and he doesn't know the gummur and your self-esteem is affected and not it's not only affected for that period of time since all these children are growing they're 14 years old 15 years old that can affect a person's whole mus's whole essence and um so we want to beg you of course these these programs are no charge if you can we later on we'll tell you the phone numbers how to get on and we'll show you we'll show you the um the the the flyer here and if you could all we asking of you is if you can tell your friends and they introduce your children to these programs. I want to leave one tip how to operate this program very very well. Most most fathers and many of them come home 7:00 8:00 at night and the children come home like 5:00 5:30. It's a it's critical for the success of your child that as soon as possible and he comes home ask him the nicest way even if they buy him presents that he should go on the program as soon as possible because the as the it becomes 6:00 and 7:00 he becomes tired and his mind is tired and he won't get the full benefit of that program. But if you if you try to control him in the nicest way possible that you'll help him and the family he will be very very he will be super because that is great and the greater that is where the child as soon as possible on days off put him ahead that means when the rebi asks him ask him a question asks a classic question he nine out of 10 times he's going to lift his hand when you have to ask your son to go for at after after high school, after elementary school to get into it. The odds of him getting into are extremely high. That's what this program is. No charge. All we're asking is to avail yourself to this program. Thank you. >> Thank you, Ravi. So, we're jumping into today's topic. We're talking about talking about lash and harsh to have proper speech, proper way to speak. So, someone might they might say, "Okay, fine." like okay fine like they might say okay fine so but I um okay fine lashar okay fine but it's true like there's a lot of like misconceptions about about lashar speaking good or maybe okay that means I can't speak anymore because every conversation like what would you say is like something something interesting about a message about lashar that that you think that that can help people on their journey to maybe start starting to say the proper speech what would you say >> thank you thank you so much this is a question that I've heard heard from a lot a lot of students right it's so difficult to keep the rules of lash and har it's so difficult to know all the rules of lash and har the wrote a long safer about it how do I go through the whole safer and memorize the whole thing and then practice it it's so so difficult so the truth is is that when I was little it was very difficult also it felt like everything I wanted to say there was a red flag I can't say that so I want to say something also there's a red flag for that also I can't say that I want to try third thing there's a red flag so what am I supposed to say, but they said I I heard this a few times, the himself was supposed to be an incredibly incredibly fun, engaging person to talk with. How is it possible? How is it possible that the the Saddic who's the the paragon, right, the example, the role model, right, of not speaking lash and how is it possible for him to be such a wonderful, exciting person to talk with? So, it struck me. I was thinking about my grandmother after she passed away. Allah shalom. And it struck me because this is how she lived her whole life. She was always saying nice things about people. Always nice. She never saw anything that was bad. She never saw anything that was that was that was a failure. Everything was a person's strengths, a person's successes, right? All the things that a person was good at. And that's what she saw and that's what she talked about. And it struck me that the the solution is the solution is if we train ourselves to speak positive then we don't have to worry about avoiding the negative because that's just what naturally comes out of our mouth to compliment people to talk about how good they are to build them up. Um, it's it's something also which the Gomorrah talks about also. I discovered this afterwards, right? That the Gamarra talks about it also. Even something very very small. Something very small. You're stuck in traffic. It's very very slow. So you call home say I'm stuck in what what adjective do you use to describe the traffic? >> Yeah. >> Do you say I'm stuck in bad traffic? >> I say I'm stuck in heavy traffic. It's a small exercise, but it's training to talk positive instead of to talk negative. And so that's you can replicate and and and do that exercise in many many different ways to always just to try to substitute if I'm going to say a word that's a negative word, let me put in a positive word instead. And if you get into the habit of doing that, then then you won't have to worry about red flags. I can't say this, I can't say that. You won't even be interested in saying those things. You won't even think about saying those things. And one other thing, people love it. Your friends are going to be much better friends to you if you're always pointing out what they're good at and how nice they are, right? And how nice the world is. And your family is going to love you more and enjoy spending time with you more. If you're always pointing out what they're wonderful at and how wonderful they are and how privileged you feel to be part of this family and to spend time with them, right? Your spouse, your kids, right? Your parents, right? It's it's it makes life so much better. It's not just a halaka. It's really a way of living a much more fulfilled life. >> Amazing. Well, what would you talk about on on um some people they're in shul? They might be in sh in the morning for half hour, 45 minutes, an hour, however longing might be if it's hollow, whatever it is. and they or on Shabas or you are about to be coming up to the to the high holidays and person might be in sh for two hours, three hours, five hours, seven hours, how and the person like okay fine like like we like we see there's all these campaigns in and like there's like no talking in shu and this and that but like someone might say like what do you want like I'm in sh for for for so many hours it's like like what like what what's a tip that we can remember to maybe that that that can help us as say person they're talking for for a lot of times. How can they help decrease that that um that amount? >> It's a beautiful question, a very very important question. So, I'll tell you an interesting story that happened to me years and years ago when I was a rabbi in Fairfield, Connecticut. And it was after my first rash on Yum Kipper that I was a rabbi in that shul and a bunch of people came over to me. They said, "Rabbi, is it possible that we can cut out some of the poems next year, say a little bit less of the extra prayers that we say during right in various other places?" Um, and I said to them, why? And they said, "Because we don't know. We don't know what these things mean. And it's just like a lot of sounds and waiting and and we don't know what what it means. And so, if we could just move it along faster and get out faster, then we can go about doing things that we know." So, I called up Rabbi Bark Simon. I said, "Rebi, what do you think about about, you know, taking out some of the pim from uh you know, from from the sashhats?" He said, "It's hard. It's a minog. You don't tamper around with a minul as a min community as a min. You don't tamper around with it." So, I I couldn't I couldn't tell them. Yes. But I heard that what was coming from was is that is that they didn't understand it. >> And so, it became very very difficult because they didn't understand it. So the next year what I did was is is I added on 10 different times I gave a five to 10 minute introduction >> to the to the different to the different putm the unfamiliar parts of the davining and and I gave a little introduction so that way when when we said it it it came alive now it's something that people understood and and and the put are so beautiful if you understand them there's beautiful poetry there's very very deep ideas right the same way that people read books to understand what's what's the the holiday all about. The putim contain right the deepest and most essential messages about what the holiday is about and and if you if you read it and you understand it so it transforms everything suddenly davening is not just something that you want to get through but it's something that you want to hold on to. >> Yeah. >> And and they came over to me afterwards. Davin was longer the second year than the first year. They said rabbi this was the best avenue we ever had. It was longer right but they understood it. And so I I think it's very very important if you don't have a Hebrew English MAR, buy yourself a Hebrew English macar. Buy the best one. Right? If you need big letters, get big letters. If you need it to be interlinear line by line, get it line by line. This way you can look inside and understand what you're saying. If you have time before the holiday, see that you're preparing the foods for the holiday, you're preparing, you know, the clothing for the holiday, spend a few minutes, look at the main things. Maybe you'll remember from last year, right? which particular pot was something that really inspired you because of the tunes. Look it over and learn what it means and think about the message that it's teaching us about the holiday. And if a person the more that a person does this, the more that they're going to be thrilled to to sit in shul and say all the words and listen to the and they're not going to have sahara to talk at all. So talking about the power of speech so something that that um especially during um um the hay is and there's a lot of times when they when they say kadesh so I heard I heard once that there there was a rabbi I'm not going to say his name but but he he once said one of the shirum that that when he was in yeshiva and so he would um so like it was very expensive for them to he was in Israel for yeshiva so so it was very expensive to call to Israel so what happens they they said like okay like they call his name. They're like, "Oh, you have a call from uh from from America." So, and like there's one cottage left like to say, "Amin." So, what did he do? He ran out and he went to go get the call. So, then like one of the rabbis like says to his friend, "XYZ person just lost a million dollars." Like, what do you mean? He has like his stocks. He has the video. Like, what does he have? He's like like no because the power one cottage it must have been worth a million dollars. It must have got a million dollar call because he missed he missed the whole cottage. So can can sometimes when we have for so long? Can you can you can you what what can give us the strength to focus in on but to not even lose out on one of them? Can you ra you? Mhm. You know it's interesting there's a fascinating in Shabas 119b which speaks about the power of omin and uh and and is by itself but before we get there I would like to point out you know I had my rebar the first question is how is it that yabik satikim are able are able to stay by the ding not say one word to anybody else and they're happy as all these sadikum and a lot of a lot of elevated Jews, how did how did they produce that? How did how did they transform their personality? Because the principle is when you say the word at who's at means you you whatever you do, wherever you are, Hashem is there. He's in your mind. He's in your actions. He's in your hopes. and your prayers. As long as you live in this world, the Hashem who made and made this world Yesesh, you have to know that he's he wants to be your very very best friend. You and he is your very best friend. If we're not in the hospital and we're not in Sloan and we're and we don't have to we're not diabetics and we don't have cancer, how's that how is that happening? How is that happening? Because who made us, he's watching over us and our children and our pan and our hopes and our our hopes and our yearnings. Now when we den when we d in the that's where we could meet the truth is we're next to hashem the whole time that sadic is very careful what he thinks about and most especially what he speaks about. But when you were in the B when you're in the base, we have no more bison mikdesh. You know, I was once by Rabbi Lander from Yeshiva by his mother and the Rabbi Gild at South. He asked such a brilliant question. He said that says that the Bikes happened because of sin that one Jew disliked another Jew for nothing. That that's a big question. Nobody dislikes another person for nothing. There's always a ce there's always a reason why that person hurt you what he did to you that I dislike him. So why does the address itself that it's for something that's for free? What does that mean? He said something unbelievable. Nothing good and nothing negative can happen to a person unless Hashem sent it. That's the key to this life. You have to know that nobody in this world could help you or nobody in this world to do the reverse unless Hashem is orchestrated it. Now if we could come into and answer you know what the power of that is. So he said to Gmor 119B Shabus but they break negative decrees on a person. I'm not even sure if it's not decrease on the person or on cloudy soul. I do believe it's on cloudy soul, right? They break bad because doesn't say it says they break gerious roy bad grease the bad grease now since everybody's all allian. So those most probably so that speaking because all the foods that you say in are all you're never praying for yourself. If you're praying for every Jew in the world, for every every fetus you're praying for, you hear >> that even that even if they're 70und years old and you know what they give you for an omen? They'll give you grenade and they give you heaven. Call they'll give you heaven. There's a real place called heaven. And that's the power. Now let's say till till now you never knew you never knew this this this mantra. So how do you change how do you how's a person who spoke lucar for 20 30 50 years and now he hears how critical the facet of speech is to his masal now you know the word masal is made out of three letters me zid the me represents moim moim that means hashem's name is mo and the spot that you're in right now where you're listening to this podcast or or somebody told it to you or you'll be in a different place tomorrow that same spot is exactly the same spot is and and only this this time this man you're listening to this podcast that represents man whatever you do there's a time that you're doing it but the key to the mazal is the lid loan how you use your mouth that's the key and we'll finish with one more before I give it over to the holy Rabbi Robbie listen carefully there's a mish says like this Vovat that life and reversed death is in the hand of the tongue. Now the question is why does it say the hand? It should have just said but that's a that's 3,000 years old approximately from from David Melik's father. He was a novi and a genius and he saw this generation that a person's going to be able to speak with his hands by sending a text or an email says the pekkim life and the reverse is in the hands of the tongue because isn't it true that with your text and your email it's it's the equivalent if not more than speech and so I beg you I beg you now how do you change like so I heard from a very victim you have to speak it out with yourself I know lot I know one will speak in I will do whatever I can not to talk I want to answer every I don't want to miss one and you say repetitively the end will be you'll tell your good friend that you after you and that you speak to for the pastor is my brother I love you right now I'm praying to Hashem and I'm saying thank you to him for giving me such a friend like you and I'll speak to you later and I give you over the phone to you >> wow the last tip in a while. That was great. Um that was great. What what what would you say to to take it all together? I heard that there's this um special um program that that that you're doing in some of the schools. Can you talk about that that program which which which is on this um which is on this point of of of the of the items that we're talking about today >> the programs >> about the about the meaba and um >> and and lash speaking positively >> I want to give it over to my to I love you gave me such a franchise I want to give it over to to to Rabbi Meth who ran this program for many years and Rama yesa so he's he's he's the Oh, and I I it I it would be would be unethical for me to even offer a comment when I can sit next to Atadic and and the person who who ran this program. >> This really the the program is really Robbie's you know brainchild and he was the one who inspired me to uh you know to get this you know to get this going as he's inspired me in so many other you know things starting from when I was very very little kid. Um, so I I really, you know, I I want to thank you because this is really it's your inspiration and you deserve, you know, all the credit for it. But what we've had for the last four years, it's very very beautiful that there have been boys who participated. Usually it's about 60 70 boys per year. It's a voluntary program that they sign up to keep track. Okay? And they keep track every single day, right? Did they did they not talk during doning during that day? They only use their their their mouth, their tongue, right? their their language for talking to Hashem when it's the man for talking to Hashem. Did they answer all the amen and the hishme rabbas that's also using their their their tongue their mouth their speech for the good right and then did they go we had it we asked the boys what was a manageable goal they said one meal without lashhara and they keep track every single day they give themselves a score zero one two three a lot of boys get three right they get everything and then they keep that keep track of that throughout the week and then at the end of the week everybody sends in what their final what their final, you know, grade is. And we have raffles and we have uh, you know, banquetss and we have all sorts of beautiful things for the boys who participate. But the truth is is that when boys come and they say, "Thank you, Rabbi, for running the program." They don't say, "Hey, Rabbi, thank you so much, you know, for the for the food." And they don't say, "Rabbi, thank you so much for the prizes." They say, "Thank you so much, Rabbi. This makes my life so much better. It makes my doubting so much better." Not just for myself because all the boys are participating. Davining is so much better now. Everyone's focused on what the ding is supposed to be, right? Thank you. It makes my meal so much better. My meals are full of positivity. They're full of nice things. There there's there's nothing that I have to worry that it's going to make me, you know, sad or anxious, right? At the meal, everyone's speaking everyone's speaking lash to and it's amazing. They're not focused on the on the incentives. They say this really makes our lives so much better and more enjoyable and more spiritual. >> Yeah. Beautiful. That's a very impactful program. And Robbie, can you talk about talk about the the program for the the Gamarra the the Gamarra Khazar the review? >> I want to first of all I want to say thank you to Hashem that he that he let me do this for him. Thank you and I want to say I want to thank my dearest my dearest friend Rab who who helps me promote all these promo all these programs. You know, you know the beauty of this program last this past Shabas, I was coming home and a wife of Atsula of a of Atsula, a member, she asked me if I could produce, I could help her son who's in a yeshiva and he's having he's having some temporarily diff temporary difficulties with a kamura. Now, his father his father works very very hard and he's at sadik. He's up. He's up. Basically, he's he's up 24 hours because if the hata calls him at 2:00 in the morning, he's going. And 4:00 and he's going. He gave his life for for Hashem's children. So, we we starting a new program here with my with my partner, Rabbi Meth. So, she asked me if I could help her. So, I I asked my my partner, Rabbi Meth, find out. So, which mak is learning? So, he's learning CBIS. So, how many blood is he going to learn this year? Probably six, seven, eight, whatever. Whatever he learns, we're going to replicate. So, this child should be able to come home or wherever he goes. It's going to be on on the on his on his iPhone, right? We're going to we're going to do the recording, right? >> It's going to be at the hotline. People can call in >> people. We have a hotline that doesn't cost any money that you can access in We have this hotline in Israel here. All you can access it all over the United States and Canada, right? We have Yeah, we have people coming from Toron calling. And this child, he should make it. It's so good. It's mish. It's like humble. We have mammish. We specialize in malam who are specialists for children 12, 13, 14, 15 and it works. We have a lot of malam calling this program because these malam want to hear the malam that are super pros. How are they represent presenting the And it works. And it works. And we hope with Hashem's help that we have to to expand this program to whatever children need that needs and yeshiva and for their self-esteem to show that they're mish they're winners. That's that's our goal. That's our goal. meet up with and proc all of us and the shabas that runs these programs. Amen. Amen. >> Amen. Thank you, Robbie. We want to thank everyone for for joining us on the on the podcast today. Of course, you can watch the previous previous episodes on um on Toronto Time on different uh podcast players. We're we're going to put the the phone number to call in on the hotline on um on the screen. Of course, >> another team. >> We have one more program that's on the screen that you have to look at. We basically many years ago, one of the best yeshivists in the United States is Rabbi Bender and we hired his alabi, his name is Rabbi Potes. Basically, if you go on our program and you have a child who's let's say four years old, five years old. How old when you learn how to bas about four or five, you could set this child next to next to your iPhone and basically if let's see and basically you'll have a rebby who's of the best olive bore rebies. Teach your son your your son or your daughter from olive bay all the way to Korea. No charge. All brought to you by Hashem. Thank you Hashem and thank you for listening. Thank you for listening and um of course everyone join in to Tuesday every Tuesday at 8:30 p.m. on kazak.orglive um thank anytime and um of course um everyone should sign up for daily giving daily giving.org thank you everyone for joining us thank you so much thank you enough [Music]