CHAZAQ's Torah Talks #181 Avi Friedman - Time Management

overcoming procrastination the first step is preventing different reasons why we don't do tasks or different projects uh sometimes it is a fear of failure I'm afraid what's going to happen I'm afraid that I'm going to do it today but then I'm going to fall off the train tomorrow like why why am I even going to start sometimes it's a fear of success if I do this task successfully if I really commit to doing something I don't want to follow through because there's a lot more commitment that's going to come later on a fear of the unknown how do I even start how do I even do it and a lot of those things are really holding us back from taking the action that we know is going to help us both in our Ras both in spiritually as well as in our material lives and our personal [Music] lives today's episode is sponsored by Boris M Tax planning and advisory schedule your free tax strategy session online and get started now call us at 21 2 430 6881 to learn more and welcome to Torah talk kazak program with special guests we have with us Mr AI Freeman from boka Florida bar welcome how you doing great bar how are you amazing barem thank you very much for joining us on kazak Torah talks and we're gonna be speaking about a very important topic a topic that I uh enjoy very much uh time management is very very very important but before we get to the Top If we got a little bit of background about yourself and what you're involved with absolutely well thank you so much for for having me so um I'm actually from Queens originally I moved to boka about nine years ago and um with in my work so I remember growing up as a kid I was very organized my my I was a good student in school um but then all a sudden as time went on I became an adult I felt like there was so much on our plates that it just got overwhelming I found myself struggling with with my my calendar struggling with projects and tasks and um all these different things and even though I had a um a therapy background marriage and family therapist um I found that because I was struggling in this area specifically of time management um and that I was able to make progress for myself and in developing personally taking courses trainings tasks even just for my own personal self um that end up switching my focus from therapy to doing time management coaching um I work a lot with um business owners and entrepreneurs who again no one's telling them what to do when to do it or how to do it so a lot of that needs to be really pre-planned and given those structures and tools so um that's my work as a time management coach and um been able to help a lot of people really maximize their time which is amazing that is amazing and uh as we all know that the second that comes is a second that goes and you're never going to have that second again that applies to the minute and to the hour as well so it's very important that we take advantage of our time and be very productive and doing all the great things that we want to do so if you give us some tips for managing our time better uh what would they be absolutely so there's definitely a lot of different areas of time management and what typically people come to me and say okay let me just manage my time better like what what can I do right now and what we instinctively do is okay I'm gonna set up my entire day structure okay from 600 to 6:15 I'm going to do I'm do this and 6:15 to 6:30 um which is a a very common time management technique of time blocking what I would advise in that situation is if we're trying to really set up our entire day exactly and we're going to have curveballs in our day we're going to have things that come up and when we when we have too much structure to start with and we're really going all in and going from Z to 60 then we get we get stuck in what happens when things go wrong and then the entire calendar and the entire structure crumbles so instead um I advise people to get start small again pick an area of your day whether it's your morning you want to develop a morning routine let me set up a schedule for for my morning let's say from I wake up at 6 until at 600 to 9 o'clock what am I doing in those three hours um or alternatively trying to find my evening okay how do I want to set up my evening um how do I want to set up let's say even picking one day of the week on Wednesdays from uh 11:00 am to to 1 pm how do I want to set that up and then you as you're establishing those habits as you're building those blocks you're able to build on top of that as well so that's really the the biggest tip that I and the biggest strategy that I've I recommend to people is start small but you're trying to build routines and that way once that gets solidified you can add on to it amazing amazing so that's very very good advice start small and grow and uh there's in the that we say Arab Shabbat on Friday nights we say but the end result with the thoughts in mind so the vision is that a person wants to accomplish something block it off for a little bit uh start off like the ABI said in the mornings or one day and then take it from there one of the issues that I see with many people that want to manage their time better is something called procrastinating how does one overcome that what do you suggest how do we uh push individuals to not push things off absolutely so procrastination is definitely one of the topics I talk about most because it it affects all different people in all different ways again sometimes we're pushing off these little tasks here and there um changing a light bulb or or replacing the air filter in the air conditioner or some or learning the daff or learning uh daff or exercising and all the different things are are sometimes they're small things sometimes they're bigger things and there's really a three-step process that I use for overcoming procrastination I'm actually using the acronym Pro p um the first step is uh preventing what is preventing me from actually doing this action uh a lot of times we have different things that come up and different reasons why we don't do tasks or different projects uh sometimes it is a fear of failure I'm afraid what's going to happen um let's say doomi as an example I'm afraid that I'm gonna do it today but then I'm going to fall off the train tomorrow like why why am I even G to start um sometimes it's a fear of success where I feel that um if I do this task successfully if I um really commit to doing something then what if I can't I don't want to follow through because it's a lot more commitment that's going to come later on um and then the third one is um a fear of the unknown how do I even start how do I even do it and a lot of those things are really holding us back from taking the action that we know um is going to help us both in our R both in spiritually as well as in our our material lives and our personal lives so that's really Step One is p is was preventing me from from doing it um R is an example that I had was I was working with a student a high school student and he was pushing off his homework he didn't want to do his homework and I said okay so when he gets home he knows he has this five minute assignment to do and then he's going to um he knows he needs to do before school the next day and as we're going through the day I said okay when you're going to a night learning program are you thinking about the homework you haven't done yet yes it's still in my mind um are you thinking think about it when you get home from from the col yes it's still in my mind I haven't done it yet are you thinking about it when you go to sleep yes it's still in my mind I haven't done it yet and I wake up still in my mind I go get to school it's still in my mind and then five minutes before class I'm GNA get it done so we're we're thinking that it's this level of discomfort that the task is going to take let's say this annoying homework or this annoying task that's just a a uh let's call it a level five of of frustration a level five of annoyance but as we get as we push it off it's not staying that level five later on the pain increases as we're pushing it off so we're going from a level five but then we have that guilt I haven't done it yet or that we're disappointing ourselves we're disappointing other people whatever that's coming from so instead of thinking okay I have a level five discomfort today I have a level five discomfort tomorrow of course I'll push it till tomorrow but if it's going to be a level five today and a level 10 tomorrow because of all the added guilt and frustration then what that's doing is we're adding pain and we're adding um disappointment in ourselves as we're pushing it off so the r is reframe I'm reframing that from it's not going to be equal level of discomfort rather I'm increasing the amount of pain and discomfort that it's causing so I'm not gaining I'm I'm actually losing by pushing it off so that's the p is preventing the r is reframing the O is what is one thing that I can do one thing that I can do one step that I can do um to move this forward again for doomi what's one thing I can do is just pick a a sheer pick a time that you can learn like whether it's U doing something virtual on kazak or whether it's it's something where um I go to into my Sho and going to find a specific class to go to um when it comes to let's say cleaning the garage right right like there's so much overwhelm there's so many things to do but what's one thing that I can do to move it forward do I just sit there with my spouse and say okay what is a plan for for this project what are we working on so we're trying to find that one thing that we can do to move it forward um and another another one thing that that oftentimes comes up is um a strategy called eat the Frog where I don't know if you're familiar with that concept but I it's actually yesterday we had a staff meeting and uh shout out to Robbie abuff he's director of operations so he mentioned this concept just yesterday which is that's amazing so just to share with the audience if uh anyone's not familiar with it um ether frog is actually a concept by Mark Twain where he had this Vision where um if I told you right that you're leaving out any Casas um if I had your job today is to eat a live frog right so obviously it's a very uncomfortable and you know that nothing else in your day will compare to that to that level of of discomfort or that level of pain and we really have two ways of going about that the first way we can do it is we can push it off to the end of the day and just that's G to be the last thing I'm going to do or I can get it over with quickly and then the rest of the day will be so much easier knowing that that that most frustrating and disgusting thing I need to do is already done so my entire day is freed up so what is that frog for for today what is one thing that um is that annoying task for me that I want to be able to get over with and that way I'll be to end off my day knowing that even if for whatever reason I don't get everything else done but I know that one thing was accomplished and that itself is is amazing so p is preventing what's preventing me from taking action R is reframing that pushing off is not gaining me anything if anything it's losing a lot and then o is what's one thing whether it's one conversation or one one task or one um one eating the frog that is going to help me take it to the next level very very nice Jai I love it p is uh p r o uh preventing reframing R is reframing and one take one thing for example you know a person has to clean the living room so the whole living room oh my go it's so much it start in one corner one right then you finish that one corner and then it just moves on and there's actually that says something very interesting it talks obviously about spirituality but you use it for materialistic reasons as well for anything in that matter that he says after the actions comes the heart so many times people aren't in the mood of doing something that they need to do but once they start doing it then they they get into it they get excited about it so that's another concept that a person could take uh to Heart uh obvious so there's a very big problem and that is distractions uh that's one of the big issues with regards to time management people are distracted whether it's on their phones whether it's uh you know things pop up how do we avoid distraction how do we overcome those distractions what do you suggest okay great that's a great question because again distractions are all around us right there's a lot of things that are on our plate that are throwing us off from actually accomplishing again people blame the phone they blame technology they blame social media Etc so one differentiation I would do is we can't and this comes from a book near near AAL has a book called indistractable um fantastic book the first thing he points out is we can't call something a distraction if we don't know what it's distracting us from meaning we can blame our phone okay social media I've been on I was on uh scrolling Facebook for for two hours but what were your intentions for those two hours if it was just like open time and just I'm trying to fill the time and I wanted to do something but I didn't actually plan it out then that's not really a distraction that is just we filling time that wasn't really planned and and I think uh he points out that opposite of distraction is traction is making progress is is moving ahead so and distraction prevents us from make taking action so the first thing is is understanding what what is Our intention for that time what are we trying to accomplish during that time that that the distractions are impacting us from and secondarily is um there's different types of distractions there's internal distractions where we know where like I just don't want to do this task I don't want to do I'm avoiding this um I don't want to learn I don't want to go to the Bas meas so I'm just going to find something to fill the time um as opposed to sometimes there are actual external distractions things that come at us let's say people disturbing us or phone notifications or or things like that so there are different strategies that that help for each of those um if it's internal distractions again trying to like I'm just bored or I need to fill the time or I just don't want to do something then again trying to build that self-awareness what's holding me back from doing it why why is this annoying why is this frustrating and can I break it down to something that's a little bit less frustrating then I'm gonna just start with that maybe set a 10-minute timer I'm just gonna just G to do the doomi for 10 minutes and then after that I can reassess and see if it's something I want to do um and then when we get into that then we can work through that um and then external distractions again obviously there's ways to um avoid distractions from our phones um avoid distractions from other people we can have communication and explain to people why this is important I need to have a focus um making sure in advance that people know that during this time I need to really focus to be able to accomplish whether it's in learning or whether it's in um other things in our life and in terms of the phone notifications again our phones come with all these notifications of all these different every app has its own notification settings and we just typically when we get our phone and we uh we download an app we're not thinking about what notifications it has or or is it serving us or really is it is it harming us so that really what I would I would really just have each person go through um do I really need this notification or is it just because it was a default setting that all a sudden that um Uber Eats is GNA give me a notification when there's a sale on on uh on whatever restaurant but that's disturbing me from my focus do I really need that notification is that really serving me or is it more of a distraction and let me just spend 5 10 minutes going through my notifications and assessing what is important what's not do I need the WhatsApp group notifications when someone in a a group chat is is responding do I need to actually know every single time someone responds to something or can I put that on mute or archive a lot of those types of strategies are helpful very very very true very very very nice 100% uh there's a famous thing everybody says it uh time is money but I think that uh more than money time is life this is this is what this is what you know we have a limit amount of time in this world we need to accomplish we need to produce we need to make things happen um before we get to the final message uh creating routines a person wants to get into a routine have a have a schedule any tips on that absolutely so so routines is definitely something that the goal of a routine the reason why it's so powerful is because there's a a concept called decision fatigue where we get tired of making decisions and we're constantly we like every time we okay what am I doing how am I doing it what am I wearing Etc um the beauty of having a routine is that we don't need to have a decision- making because it's more automated it's more by ro by root we don't need to think overthink what we're doing or how we're doing it um which again routines apply to all areas of life whether it's a learning routine a doing routine whether it is a um a personal routine exercise Etc or a work routine those are things and in terms of routines when we're trying to establish a habit or trying to establish a routine it needs to we need to be aware of what what is the um how am I going to remember to develop this routine what am I going to do to really remember that I want to develop this routine because in the beginning oftentimes No Matter What routine we're trying to build there's a lot of of um a lot of automation that we're used to we're not in we're not used to making this routine we're not used to developing it so we need to find a way to Anchor that habit and to establish it sometimes it's having a phone alarm that's going to ring at nine o'clock and say um start getting ready for bed develop your bed time routine sometimes it's attaching it to another existing routine which okay this is why it's so common that people brush their teeth when they're waking up in the morning or when they're going to sleep is because they're attaching the the teeth brushing to an existing routine where whether it's a shower whether it's waking up and washing their face or washing the tails to Dy washing their hands Etc so those are two things to keep in mind is a is try to attach it to an existing routine let's say something like someone wants to do a learning routine so learn after Shool go when you're you're going to sh and you're you're doing shakas or shakit have a learning routine after that so you're you're building on another habit and and at the same time if it's some of a routine that's not as fully established how do I interrupt my thoughts when I'm trying to develop it to remember to actually do it powerful amazing okay so we have a minhag we have a custom a final message for our broader audience ay fredman on the topic of time management absolutely so again as as you shareero time is extremely precious and people share that I'm just killing time I need time to waste it it really is it's it's because it's a shame because we we sacrific life we s we sacrifice sacrifice shabas we sacrifice anything to live a little bit longer to every second of life is so precious and to cut you off I heard something beautiful once which is uh killing time is is is in essence suicide in installments you I love it right and and we look at time as really more of okay just I'll fill it I'll fill with whatever um if we're not being intentional with how we're spending our time then our day is going to be filled with all sorts of nonsense or or Randomness again we need time for relaxation we need time for enjoying we need time to spend with our family we need time to spend with uh in terms of learning and and spiritual elements the most important thing is intentionality if I'm going and preparing beforehand how am I spending my time actually I saw in um in article s it says when we we it says um we're trying to establish a good a we're trying to establish good um advice so one of the the commentaries there says that it's we're trying to plan our day for the next day we're asking Hashem at night so we can make sure that we're planning our day for the next day um because again when we're we're being intentional we're really focused on being proactive how I want to fill my time then it makes a tremendous difference on ay how we feel about ourselves afterwards like I tell people if you spent let's say an hour um and and being entertained or or doing some sort of habit whether you're watching something or whether you are um finding an activity that you enjoy if you are intentional with that activity and you carved out time for that you can really sit and be present with that enjoyment you can really feel good about what you're doing if it's coming at the sacrifice of okay I'm just going to feel going to get distracted I'm going to do this activity but in the back of my mind like I know there's a hundred things I still need to do we're not going to have that same level of enjoyment we're not going to really appreciate the the relaxation or the enjoyment we get from the activity so um the more intentional we can be again whether it's planning our day in the morning okay what are the top things I need to do today whether it's developing our our calendar our schedule um whatever it is that if we're going through it and thinking about what thinking in advance of what we're what we want to accomplish and what we want to do um it's going to be lifechanger 100% very very powerful Torah talk with AI fredman from Boke of Florida originally from Queens the topic of time management very very very important I personally enjoyed it very much because I'm one that likes to take advantage every single moment in the beginning of the Torah talk you mentioned about our plates being full when mention bless memory that his plate is full of the answered and get a bigger plate we could always do more if we uh manage our time better and uh it was a very very insightful and very very informative we thank you very much for joining us we want to remind everyone at kazak tour talks with special guests Tuesday nights 8:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time k.org chq.org want to say a special thank you to various different platforms so many platforms that are hosting kazak Torah talks with the emphasis and thanks to our friends at Torah anytime thank you very much as well daily giving.org a dollar day goes very far away right now as we speak whoever is watching live k.org kazor 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