CHAZAQ's Torah Talks #177 Rabbi Shalom Yona Weis - The Attitude of Gratitude

people really but I think have gratitude but if they're not aware of it so what's the to what's the go what's the purpose how does it help you if you're not aware of it we have a we have a lot for people but until that person is going away you may not be expressing you may not feeling it you may not be experiencing it so the act of gratitude is to focus on what you have and what's been given to you by Hashem by other people by by experiences gratitude is that feeling of is the act of focus and the feeling of this wasn't coming to me I I didn't earn this I'm giv [Music] this and welcome to Tor talk kak's program with special guest we have with us RAB sh welcome so good to see you uh and we're going to be speaking about the attitude of gratitude before we get to the exciting topics we get a little background about the rabbi the rabbi that's always I I still have a hard time getting used to that the first time I I I'll tell you the background has it plays into that story so I I was um doing different stuff in high school you know extreme personalities when we go one way we go all the way so when I went all the way towards this way I'm still on my journey but I'm focused all the way so um I became a rabbi when I was 19 I started subbing for Hebrew Acy Long Beach oh wow I have kids that were five years younger than me so I have tomed them now that have uh kid like older kids canar and so my first week married I had um I had the resource room had the kids that didn't fit in with the rest of the kids and the Hal had a rule that you have to invite everybody to your bar mitzvah nice rule they didn't make the rule that you had to put them up m M so one of the guys I still know who he is and I still it's hard for me I see the guy around he he's married himself now and I still have like a tin in my heart and I never said anything to him he invited everybody but not my boys so I had four boys in my class and he didn't he invited them he didn't put them up and it it bothered me a lot and uh I be wanted to be Mr Superhero Reby and I said okay boys you going to stay by me it was in woodmar you'll stay by me it was my first shabas married we had shabas shab brothers and my first shabas married and my wife wanted to be good Rabon a good wife said yeah of course he'll put them up my Rabbi later told me that I was an idiot which is his Mahal is mishak has to come first and then when you have a healthy mishak and you're healthy and you're good place then you so um the boys came in and I guess must have been showering whatever and the father dropped off the boys and he said thank you so much rabbitson and my wife was 20 or 21 years old at the time was like she's looking around for the rabbits in the apartment who's this guy talking to so it's still a little bit weird certainly in third person so I was teaching barem um that's always been my passion and I always say if I made enough mem I'd go back fulltime to it um but I taught a few years in the Hebrew Academy system in ycq and then went out to work and then somehow bam brought me back and worked with aor for a while but all that time also always being involved with the the KRA of guys that I connect to that I felt that I went through similar in so uh involved with orava I go still to BCA every once in a while and was a big MH on me and uh I try and when I started this business actually the one that I'm in now quite a few years ago things wen't working out I had a hard time with business and um I called rabby werstein and I said rebby what if I'm not making it I may as well not make it and be doing clayes so what am I out there killing myself and not having anyes I said you have any anything for me maybe I'll I join he says nothing now called me six months later and I had I had just started something but I saw it was going to be somewhat it looked like it it felt like it and he said I want you to come to BCA and and run BCA and uh I said reev you're killing me I just I just started a business he said what's the business I said I'm I'm lending he goes oh rivis that way right and he said Revy please I get Hatter isos we're doing things he goes it's not going to get you into sh come help me save these girls and I'll get you into sh that's what he told me my wife my Reby it was to be all the time with girls wasn't something that uh that was uh what I'm looking to do so it didn't work out but I go every once in a while bashem and last year I was was giving sh at the seminaries um but I try to stay involved and to the extent that the sends some poor soul my way that neb is such a place that I'm the one that they're going to need to talk to um and I I'll do a plug because they're actually having shabat tone soon there's an organization that I didn't help start I just was the that it came through barash was Ray of Hope who I think you you I don't know if you interviewed her oh no she was on something else zeld Brody which is a a Organization for support group for people that lowena went through uh I it was listening of kids who went through a certain type of abuse as a as a child or a youngster and it's support groups and therapists andem so so the rabbi has been involved with a lot of great things also plug to kazak the rabbi has been doing all these gratitude events which is the the topic that we're going to be speaking the attitude of gratitude so jumping into it Rabbi is what is a Jewish definition of gratitude so I I can't say with certainty what I could say what I feel is the what the puts in my heart in my head when I hear gratitude from a a ter perspective from gratitude is is it's it's a frame of mind but it's also an emotion I guess like the Tanya teaches it has to start in the mind and to go into the heart at least emotions and it's a focus it's a focus people really I think have gratitude but if they're not aware of it so what's the to what's the go what's the purpose well how does it help you if you're not aware of it we have love we have a love for people but until that person is going away you may not be expressing you may not feeling it you may not be experiencing it so the act of gratitude let's call it the act of gratitude is the focus on what you have and what's been given to you by Hashem by other people by by experiences by there's different modes of G right you mentioned that barem I think this will be our sixth year of KH we're going to do it this year the night of gratitude and we focus every year and when we first started it I said okay we're going to do every year first I thought mashia for sure going to be here I I wouldn't have to think another but every year um I get I when I finish that year I get nervous so how am I going to come up with another there's so many aspects of gratitude we'll never run out of of thinking about gratitude gratitude is that feeling of it's the act of focus and the feeling of this wasn't coming to me I I didn't earn this I'm giv this I think that's what it is and that's it's being with the that I was given being happy with the portion that you given to amazing amazing what is one of the greatest challenges towards being a individual that has gratitude is there a challenge is there yeah like the challenges is is pemus let's talk pemus well let's we'll start and is we get we get caught up get caught up in life yeah I was at recently oh okay yeah so to be is a very dear close friend of mine and I spoke and Charlie spoke yeah so the three this is a very close friendship Charlie and I go back since we're we're in two years old together and um it happens to be that both of us spoke at this boy's Bar Mitzvah so now we had this to speak at his at this is last week Charlie was talking that his bra to the kala was to to stop and breathe and realize what this is what the marriage is and we get caught up in the business and this and everything and life gets us caught up I had um it's a longer story so I'll tell it very quickly but one of the trips that we did with isor we went to Spain we went to Spain and we took a group of 80 about 80 or so totally um secular background students most of them were from University of Albany if I recall and they were very into partying and having a good time and we had we had our classes and stuff but we let them you know break loose and go and do it whatever they needed to do it wasn't structured laws and things like that and shoving things down their throat and one night they were getting ready to go out we were in Sevilla Spain and they ordered car services and stuff and they were going to go out to the clubs to enjoy themselves nobody could blame them there's no judgment this is the way God forbid the way they grew up it's okay they wanted to Jews be with Jews it's a nice thing so U me and one of other rabbis act there we went to in tense and we went to just go and relax and go swimming a little together in the in the pool and just and one of the maim one of the staff comes and gets us and they said another one of the staff is drunk and they're in the bar called pregaming right then there and it's getting Ruckus and we we got it we should shut it down he was concerned we came in and this R this mad this staff member who looked very much like a typical Yesa guy not someone you would Envision these kids would be connecting to in such a deep way was on the table and leaning them in the song I'm on my way to Canaan land to Canan to the land of Israel I'm on my way and they would repeat I'm on my way to Canaan land to Canaan land and the guys it was like a a Tish it was unbelievable it was a gathering of Jews it was beautiful and the kids were smiling and there was you you you know when you see a smile that's comes from an inner place it's not just d a it it's it's shining a person Shines on there when they're truly B when they're truly happy filled with the inner Joy from their soul and so these kids were all around guys and girls dressed to the nines or you know undressed to the nines as the case may be and uh and the cabs were waiting outside for their go their goal was to go out to party but here they were singing about going to Israel with some Yeshiva looking guy on the table so I I jumped on the table and I said everybody stop they were like oh what a bus kill what are you doing why I said 'I want you to realize right now stop and realize because if I didn't say this this would be lost that you're on this trip and you had all these visions of what you're going to do and how you going to do it and party and enjoy and whatever and and your most joyous moment as I'm witnessing it and I want you to to tell me if I'm wrong and they all said no you're right is standing around this guy isima looking guy singing about going to Israel instead of to some beat and doing all sorts of other things between you said you got you would get caught up even in the moment of of beauty and not realizing you're in the moment of beauty if you don't stop and and be mindful of it and think about it and and digest it so you're in the experience you know so so much of life now it bothers me a lot that I me I'm I'm an old soul like this and my rebi do very much in this world so I guess I've been growing on this for last 33 years with him people I'm at a Tish I'm at an on you're at a Jewish event and everybody's what are they doing with it like this it drives me nuts live the moment be here what you taking so you can look at it in in a filtered perversion of what it was not perversion is such a bad word but the it's not it you're here be in the moment and we don't do that we have very very hard time being in the moment so that's the that's the that's the external problem that challenge that we're so busy we're so drawn so many places and so quickly and and we've been and our minds especially by the kids are wired already for instant gratification video games all these things play into this this is not this is not even tour anymore this is psychology and and and Physiology that's telling us this many reports on everything in the Tor right right 100% but they're they're they're showing that this is not just that unfortunately it's a weird thing right we feel like we have to show it's not just rabbis they're saying it also like we shouldn't have to do that but yeah but on a on a inner level it's like everything bades taught that that all bad things Source in one thing in the ego an me and and and some of it comes from a good it all comes from a very good place but where it filters out into ourselves of feeling in yish we say is come to me it comes to me we we have expectations on life expectations from people expectations from Hashem that things should go well right how many people that that's why we started the night of gratitude my it was my wife she live and be well that she thought she said why don't we just get together and say thank you Hashem that things are good why are we getting together and making programs and things after October 7th I this was years ago be but after this happens in a tragedy and the person H by a car and the let's get together when things are good and just say ashem things are great thank you no we only we only start talking to hasm when things are tough so tell us that that when things are you're getting satiated the Jew we kick we we we don't react the proper way so the the greatest challenge I I really think is is putting it in perspective of who you are and and understanding that that we have so many so many phrases and and saying and teachings from our great rabbis that teach us that the sikim the greatest most righteous people who deserve quote unquote everything they only pray for things for free things they didn't earn because they their entire Essence is I didn't earn anything what am I adding to you Hashem if I'm doing anything and and it comes from a very deep Place why this is and it doesn't seem like this is the Forum to get too much more into that subject but the the the self the sense of self of of myself can adulterate into a feeling of of get getting lost in the self and therefore this is this is coming to me and we need to take ourselves out of it and put it in perspective and think more about Hashem in order to feel that 100% uh Rabbi W so how does one shift his mind to have an attitude of gratitude what is it when I have to do so once you know the problems then you know the solution right so once you could diagnose anything then you deal with it properly and and it's and I'm more of a pemus start with pemus and it will trickle out into the externality so certainly doing certain things that it works both ways we've been taught by sikim most notably KES writes in about doing external things to excite the internal Soul so to take your kid out the kids not having a not is uh a little bit sad or the best play ball with him do something with him excite him and then bring that bring that internally so we could work that way also and doing things at our shabas table I'm sure at many many shabas tables people do this but we are I'm it's my family knows I'm super super mocked but I'm super particular about this everybody has to say one highlight of that happens in the week shabas of all days should be the day where you stop and think about and and inevitably it's always it's always one of the one of my kids it's always whichever one's in high school at the time has ours all there's nothing good this week and I and I get the same speech every week and that's why it's so important because there certainly was something good this week whether it was you got up and you were breathing if that's what you want to do and be thankful for that good you know I have I have a thing I try to make it part of my lexicon it's funny I say it in front of non-jews all the time when we have meetings and um and they love it what do I say people say how you doing I say thank God still breathing so I start with the most simple thing and they say I like that because that means that I'm not taking the most smallest thing for granted so number one to try to be thankful for the small things it you build a muscle for it it's a muscle like anything else it's an emotional spiritual muscle stop and think so when once you do that let's start start little like anything you have start with baby steps shabus start with chabas and on chabas at the meal everybody go around and say one thing that to highlight that they say thank you Hashem this happened I passed a test um uh we had a good time going on that field trip um you know this week thank God uh we had our first grandson like that so we we try to do no low hanging fruit you can't say coming here for shabas and you can't say like the biggest thing because that's too easy and therefore and and therefore you're not working out that muscle and like anything if I'm lifting this paper it's to it's not a workout so work it out stop and think about something that wasn't obvious that wasn't just so so simple for you to realize and you'll see you'll become a connoisseur of of of good things my my other Brazil so one thing he does he does is in a different realm but you know he's a big balod so it's hard to do this but he writes down every time something happens Asus where he sees God's divine intervention in his life he writes it down this is what happened small things he made the bus whatever it be and he has a notebook a full notebook of all the things and he says when times are tough if he's having a hard time with faith in God and realizing that things are going to work out he he goes up and these are bullets ammunition to fight against the the evil inclination to say it does work out and things that and God is watching me and he's involved in my life and things are good so these are bullets also to to of ammunition because it's it's a battle out there to battle this to battle the the the sadness and and the and getting lost in things so we have to that's the external thing to stop and think and to making blessings those are that's an easy one you stop making blessing think about the blessing I got an apple I used my father he should live and be well I had colon cancer about 15 years ago and they had to do certain operations for those that know and he wasn't able to to use the restroom like a normal person when they put his body back together and he he went his first time my father's not an overly spiritual person but he he called me crying he said sh I made my first ashat my first blessing after the bathroom I made that blessing it's interesting ra reld used to say that it's the only blessing that we mention God's um Throne of Glory in K there why because Hashem is saying even in that place when you don't feel very spiritual holy and and uplifted as a human being to stop there and make a blessing and say this is a blessing and this is I have to be thankful for it so we have to stop and doing that and then just very quickly say on the premus level to think about Hashem more to think about who we are and what we do and and the more you study a person studies the workings of Torah and understands what you true humility is it's not I can't do or I'm not able or I'm not good that's not humility that's not believing in yourself but believe in yourself that who Hashem made you and and being humble Vis who God is that's true humility once you have humility it will trickle down whether you're even focusing it or not into gratitude amazing amazing very very very practical steps for a person to take upon himself to have an gratitude ra we're enjoying every single moment we have a we have a custom and Tor talks T talks a final message for our broad audience final message I hope it's not final but uh I I think I think sometimes we don't take on things because you know it's hard to be in the service of other because Hashem did build us purposely so with an interest in ourselves so that's where that dual edged sword comes in where it can you know as rabet RAB dret says there's no good or bad in the world it's more powerful and less powerful so there's energies love is super powerful you can build the world with love and you could destroy somebody with love it depends what you're plugging into you're plugging into here you get a little power and you get a little hurt you plug into the transistor outside you get a ton of power but you get destroyed if you're not harnessing the power properly so the self the sense of self is very very powerful but it's very dangerous also you can get lost in it and um when it comes to to gratitude I think I think if we realize the very first thing toldo which means it's the first communication of God to the first Jew of I'll talk about how anytime you see the first thing in Torah this is it so that means this is the reverberating message to every Jew throughout time to start with your life and that what was that the journey is for you it's to you but it's for you I'm not looking to make life difficult for you everything I'm doing even the Gratitude if I'm to just get a little level deeper on gratitude when you do something for me so you may be doing something for me but you're also taking something for me why because I'm in the image of God and the God is a Giver by Nature by by Nature so anytime I become a taker I'm really losing something in myself I may needed that few dollars I may have needed that ride I may have needed that that tutoring or whatever it is that you did for me that pat on the back that that saying you look nice today whatever it may be but I just became a taker and Hashem says I have a trick for you the trick is say thank you be that's our first words we open up with we're called yud it's the essence of Judaism is to regain my sense of being by saying you know what I'll give you back and say I appreciate what you did to just today I had a call today we had a video conference this is the second conference I had with this this company and the first call I told them um uh they were not not Jewish guys and I told them about a book called The the go-giver it's I don't know if it's a Jewish book or not but it's a a theory on doing business in a way of you're always get being go-getter you be a go-giver and so we were on the call one of the guys says hey do you mind staying on the call after I want to just talk to you I thought it was about the business thing that we were talking about I stayed on he goes I got to thank you I got to thank you that book was amazing I'm savoring it it's such a great book thank you so much and I felt when he said it to me I said you know that's so nice because now I got back I realized I helped somebody's life and that's a great feeling so to realize this journey is not because Hashem needs your thanks and other people you'll make them feel good and but it could be they don't need necessarily your thinks but we have a I to and to inculcate this with your children I have har um maybe one of the few things I did right by my kids they say thank you when we walk by police officers they say thank you when the mail gets shopped our mail always get shopped on shopas while while we're having the meal and we all scream out thank you and you hear the mail man as well goes you're welcome just make a guy feel better you're a human being thank you so much for others but it does much more for you for the person thinking Hashem shall help us all um feel the Gratitude of every Nuance of every essence because it's for us we we will gain so much from that feeling and from the expression of it and we should be to say soon thank you mhia for coming we've been waiting for so long amen amen amen thank you very much thank thank you for the opportunity thank you for the for the inspiration what an amazing Torah talk with RAB sh KAG Torah talks Tuesday nights 8:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time k.org C .or glive special thank you to all the various platforms that are hosting our door dos uh with a shout out to our friends at Torah anytime 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