CHAZAQ's Torah Talks #167 Rabbi Yoni Danzger - Creating Systems to Make Teshuvah Last

hasm says look you're going to sign up to do this thing but all you need to do is get started get the ball roll okay listen we're human beings are you going to are you going to be able to learn all of sh in one day no but at least get started and okay if you're willing to get started I'm going to sign you up this is an amazing idea from the I heard this from a Waxman that is is holding the the pen The Book of Life and the Book of death are open before him but it doesn't say who's holding the pen says the we're holding the pen we decide which safer we're going to be written if we accept upon ourselves we make a real resolution not just uh January 1st I'm going to but we say I want to be part of your new contract I want to be part of your new world that's what makes a Russ a Russ sh resolution different than a New Year's resolution [Music] wow and welcome to Tor talk kazak's program with special guests we have with us RAB y Dan all the way from Roslin shal RAB how are you thanks for joining us in person thank you so much for having me okay of course 100% very excited to have you and we're going to be speaking about creating systems to make chuva repenting last and before we do that if you can get a little bit back about the rabbi and the great work you're involved with sure again first I want to thank you for having me and really thank you for all the work that kazak is doing uh both in the community and specifically in our sh and with our sh and partnering Rin synagogue the rosin synagogue uh we thank you so much for that we've seen tremendous growth really from the the programs that we've had so far and we look forward to working together we want to do more um so a little bit about myself I grew up in Woodmere New York not too far from here uh five towns in the five towns spent all my uh Elementary School years there my high school years there after high school spent two years in Artis in shaim after that continued on to yiva University where I spent my undergrad years studying psychology continued on in the SMA program learned for smika and then uh continued on through the cola Alon in the middle of there somewhere a little bit of a different track uh I spent a little bit of time in BMG in Lakewood uh I got married that year I tell my wife uh my wife thought I was a BMG guy would she but uh no she knew she knew but after we got married we moved back to back to Washington Heights I finished my time in Nicole ellio then we moved out to San Diego California for my first Rabbi position my first Stellar as an assistant Rabbi in Beth Jacob as californ in San Diego California and then three years later moved back east and uh we landed in rosin where we've been for the last three years and bar it's a very special Community it's a very warm Community the way I like to put it is that it's an an out of town feel with in town amenities and we've had many kazak shman events over there and we look forward to many many more more and the feedback is always great thank you and uh a lot of us Rabbi getting to the topic we're familiar with New Year resolutions and uh on rash Shana we make resolutions uh what's what what how do we differentiate between the two it's a good question uh and many of us think when we think of New Year's resolutions unfortunately we'll talk a little bit more about this later going going to the gym that 80% about 80% of New Year's resolutions fail by February probably more than that honestly and and it's a good question what exactly is the difference between a New Year's resolution and a r resolution is the New Year's for the exactly so you think they'd be pretty similar uh but we don't want our New Year's resolutions be 80% fail so the truth is when it comes to New Year's resolutions the reason why so many people fail is because it's a very arbitrary line there's really no difference between December 31st and January first whatever it's you go to sleep and it maybe you stay up whatever it is and it's the next day even I remember I remember back in uh in in 1999 when we thought y 2K the big everyone thought the world was everyone thought planes were going to fall from the sky and all the lights were going to go out and everything it was like this was going to and what happened nothing nothing it was a Friday night I remember we stayed up I had to keep myself awake I was a little kid remember I stayed up playing Monopoly right so we had to stay and we're like waiting for like all the lights in the neighborhood to turn and nothing happened so it's remember that actually it's an arbitr line January 1st is is arbitrary which means that when people just use it as an opportunity and it's good it's a great thing to make a commitment to change but because it's arbitrary it's meaningless if if it doesn't work out nothing happens try again next year you know nothing happens so what people say they're going to go to the gym so they buy their membership a gym membership on January 1st or whatever they go on a diet or they're going to read a book a month okay so if whatever your whatever your resolution is there really very very low stakes of keeping it R is totally different rash there is a tremendous a tremendous responsibility to make sure that the change is real and I think one way to explain it and my perhaps favorite way to explain it is a piece from the Nia Shalom that uh the very first piece on on on rosashana I remember when I learned it for the first time it was a lifechanging experience it I you know my personality learning a lot about me on this podcast but my my person R was a very very difficult for me very difficult holiday because I would tap into the the intensity side of it I remember clearly I talked to my B about this all the time I remember the first time I read the unana toila in English I remember I must been 11 years old I read it in English and I was scared out of my WS you read it all who bu this who bu that I want to go into but but I remember and I would tap into that I remember thinking like wow like it's it's you know I would every step I would take you know it's it's been the M of the 48 hours are broken up into the whole year and again there's something to that it is the Yad but the Sham points out inconsistencies in the holiday he points out that on the one hand you look at the and it's it's scary it's powerful I know the are a little bit a little bit different a little bit of a different vibe but uh but scary stuff scary stuff but then you go home we have a mass of meal have a mass and at night you have the S and it's it's wonderful it's fun it's great and people look forward to the chauffer and it's inspiring and then again you think it's thead you're not supposed to sleep in the day how do we balance the two and then even you look at the navi says you should eat and drink they realize it was R it's a holiday it's a don't fast how do we balance the two what what exactly is going on the Y also if you think about what's being judged even the angels are being judged the inanimate objects are being judged what what did that rock do how why could that be judged so n shalam explains an amazing idea he says that rosashana is Hashem renewing his contract for the world right when you renew a contract so you have to determine what's going to be kept in the contract and what's going to be removed removed now when I you know if I'm looking around my house and I see what needs to be replaced I'll look at my table and I'll say okay maybe it's a little shaky but it's a pretty good table I'm not going to spend the money on on a new table Hashem has endless funds right which is a scary thought right Hashem has endless funds which means that we really need to earn our way into hashem's new contract and so when we make a resolution when we make a cabala when we accept something upon ourselves for we're not just making a New Year's resolution because it's an arbitrary time in the year it's a good time to try something new we're trying to tell Hashem Hashem we want to be in your new world when you recreate the world on rashash we want to be part of it we want to be part of your malus part of your kingdom and so I am willing in case I wasn't worthy if in case I didn't Merit based on what I did this year I'm going to do X Y and Z better to show you that I deserve to be part of the contract I'm going to add to your world X Y and Z whatever I'm going to do whether it's not going to speak any more lanara or whether I'm going to learn more Torah or I'm going to DAV in with a minion or I'm going to wear titas or I'm going to like shabas whatever it is Hashem I'm going to be part of your experience I'm going to be part of your Recreation of the world and so there's an AAS there's a responsibility to keep it to make sure that it's because if you think about it like that this is my ticket for another year of and also I'm saying hasem give please give me everything I need to be able to fulfill that goal which means parnasa it means Health it means everything everything I need give me what I need please but the amazing thing is this is the best part is that we have a we have we have is a which means that hasem says look you're going to sign up to do this thing but all you need to do is get started just just get the ball roll okay listen we're human beings are you going to are you going to be able to learn all of shots in one day no only on sh and B man we say you can learn all of shots in one day right but uh at least Yesa guys think that right but but but at least get started and okay if you're willing to get started I'm gonna sign you up I'm gonna sign you up there's an amazing and I'll finish the question with this there's an amazing idea um from the tar schomo I heard this from a ref FR Waxman he says that it says it says we know the famous idea in thear that says that that is is holding the the pen The Book of Life and the Book of death are open before him but it doesn't say who's holding the pen standing there with the we says the we're holding the pen we decide which safer we're going to be written in W if we accept upon oursel we make a real resolution not just January 1st I'm going to but we say I want to be part of your new contract I want to be part of your new world that's what makes R sh resolution different than a New Year's resolution wow amazing Rabbi very inspiring I'm getting the chills just thinking about it and uh you know many of us have unfortunately negative experiences with resolutions uh how can we bounce back from previous uh you know attempts to change you know we've we we took ABCD whatever it is upon ourselves and uh it didn't work out and now here we are coming to another how do we make sure that we uh don't fall back once again so I I think we we've all had that I can say I have had that experience where comes where shashana you're ready and you open up your M and what falls out your little note with all of your kabalas for the last year and he says I'm going to XYZ I'm going to do this I'm like I could I could use this again this year I don't even need to make a new one I don't even need to make a new list because all the kabalas all the things that I said I'm going to do last year trick is don't put a date on it no but but but it happens and there are so many things where we say like you know I said last year I said I was going to bench with a bencher last year I said I was going to do this I was going to do that and here we are again I you know and again like the New Year's resolutions hopefully we last a little more than but uh but you know we're all human beings and as we say right seven times you fall and you get upad righteous person righteous person gets up after seven times but how do we bounce back and what can we take because it is a little bit depressing sometimes when you think I've been trying at this been working on this year after year year after year day after day and I feel like I haven't gained an inch I feel like so first of all first of all even before looking at any sources any maros any dor we never know what we accomplish Even in our small steps true you never know what we accomplish I want to share a story um it's not on my notes so so it's Off Script but um my B I gonna say you tell all these stories already all these stories but uhar exactly exactly so a few years back a friend of mine came out to me and he said I I want to invite you to a c mishas I finished all of sh mishas all the sh miss the six books of the mishna I want to invite you to the seum I said wow that's great and he said you should know it's all because of you I said what all because of me what is what I mean at my age a friend of mine he said a few years ago I came into the Bas Mish and you were sitting there learning mishas you know not everyone sits and learns mnas that night I said what are you doing so I say I told him he said you told me to me that there's a program that if you learn you know two four mnas a day so you'll finish mishas in two years all mishna if you just sit and you do it and I saw you I said wow that's amazing how come I never do if he's doing it I could do it too I tell you not only do I not remember this conversation I don't even remember making the cabala to learn to for whatever it was but you know what that momentary you know cabal this guy finished mnas because of me I didn't even know about it so first of all in terms of you never know you never know whatever little steps you take that one that two weeks that you were careful about lashar you don't know how much you did in this world but I want to share an idea from par Kisa not or right Kisa not this time of year one that really I look back to whenever I have these struggles whenever I I try to take something upon myself and it falls through one that gives me tremendous is the words from the so when mosu goes up to and he goes to get the the Torah Theos and we know unfortunately what happens the Jewish people they fall the golden calf andem tells MOS go down because your people are sinning and mosha starts to go down and the PK tells us that when mosha gets down to the bottom of the mountain so he's greeted by yosua by his tal and yosua says he he it says right it says yua heard the sound of the people Rashi says in their joy in their shouting and he says to MOS when he sees him there's a there's a war going on and Mos responds he said it's not a shouting of strength and it's not a shouting of weakness it's a sound of distress call no just a sound I hear the question is what was it says Yeshua heard them he heard them right Joy why did he say it was a and what was mosh's response back to Yeshua so the says that the idea is knew he heard them he saids this is a reference to with theara he knew he knew that they weren't in a war with another Nation they were in war with themselves they were more with theara and he says mosh we got to get down there the people are falling to theara they're fighting theara moshu says says it's not the sound of victory over thear it's not even the sound of Defeat of losing to the they're just serving they've already thrown it off they've given up the game they're out they're done they're not even trying anymore at that point there's nothing there's no way to save them which means say the and to expand on it is that as long as you're still fighting you're still in the game as long as you're still fighting Yeshua can come says mosha we got to go save them there's always work you could work you can grow you can climb you can sty you can do whatever you need to do once you give up game's over game's over but as long as you're continuing to fight and that's that's what we are that's human experience and that's what yua was telling Moshe yeah we make kabalas and maybe we don't get to you know maybe we take too bit big you know some our Calas are too big that might be the problem talk about that in a little bit but as long as we're still fighting as long as the next year L we come and say you know what I'm going to do this better another of Waxman another we're learning dyom now we're learning uh Basra and in the first part of of the M really in the in the third par I'm sorry talks about the ideas of of kakos of of you know of acquiring land and and the concept of of of of of of of of someone who's going to protest you know someone goes out of town and someone else squats in their land uh and now you have to protest that they're on your land right so the is is that you have three years that three years people hold on to their you know all their documents and after three years if you didn't say anything it's a sign that the person on the land owns it okay so wax wants to explain the idea is that the idea of a m making a protest once every three years just to make sure that you're still in the game so every R we make a you know other otherwise the wins if we say nothing and the at hour beats us that year the even cination beats us that year so then we we remain silent as long as every yell we come and say I'm going to be better I'm going to work on this and I'm going to work on that and again going back to the even if we don't necessarily that M that complaint that that protest is what keeps us in the game so that's what I would say to someone who's who's this year looking you know they open their M and outfalls their stuff from last year just keep trying first of all you don't know what you did last year you don't know how much of an impact but more than that as long as you're still in the game as long as you're still fighting then you're a sadic you're you're a Chevy sadic you're you're still on that track you're still on that track to to achieve the energy the positivity the insights is just it's very very sweet as honey so rabie we all want to improve in different areas but it could be overwhelming uh where should we start there's so much to tackle there's so much to do just a maybe a starting point or some guidance sure so roli rol used to say uh that uh that the to have his grandson in a program I've learned from his but uh but revolver used to say apparently that whenever you make a cabala write it down on a piece of paper you make a cabala write on a piece of paper then any resolutions any resolution mean write it down then fold the paper in half fold into half then fold the paper in half another half then fold the paper in half oh wow and that should be your cabala whatever you had in the first place cut into keep going down and down and down because that's part of thear that's part of evil you try to grab you gra I'm going to learn five daar a day you're probably not going to go that far half exactly half and if you want to go even more go one more so that that's number one number one is we need to train ourselves to B it's great it's exactly baby steps bite size exactly and that's all the all of the gum when when when they talk about how they became who they were it wasn't because they accept it upon themselves day by day small actions that make great people exactly exactly but I want to share one other idea and that is from the the r Chua uh he uh there's a famous idea in the RAM and that is he writes that part of the dark part of the ways of repentance that one needs to act and it's really based on the gamar in rosashana that there are a couple different things that a person can do to change their fate right to change their lot so number one is giving Saka okay we get that that works fine number two is running away from the things that cause you to sin okay talk about that in a minute minute too and then he says change his name change your name change your name as it says I'm a different person I'm not that person who did those things and then and then change your actions okay that one makes sense again and even change your place your location exactly so the truth is which of these things don't which one of things is not like the other sh changing your name what is that to who you what game are you playing what is that I understand giving Saka get all those forgiving I understand separating yourself from sin I understand even separating for your M EXA exactly like you said what is Shmo what is that how does that help how does changing your name help anything so the truth is if if one looks at any of the the the popsy books all the popsy books and the books about habits and about personal growth they all pulled it from peros they all pulled it fromaz of our fathers yeah everything everything is all from the rabbis it's all it's all there it's all there by the way happens to be that's why a lot of these books are written by Jews a lot of these Concepts you know there's everything everything's in the Torah exactly exactly so there's a there's a book called Atomic habits U the name of the author is is escaping right now I gave my my R sh Jos on this concept my my Shasha last year on this topic but he he talks about how we can how we can change our habits and he talks about he talks about how how again that idea of taking small steps that if you if you make yourself 1% better every single day then over the course of the year it's like you're you're 37% better just the mathematics how it works but he says something amazing he says one key to making real change in our lives is how we identify ourselves so let's say for example I want to I want to run more I want to I want to I want to run more so there are two ways I can do it I could say I want to run more and then every day I need to make the I need to make the calculation well do I have time to run do I you know should I you know like I don't know maybe I should eat this maybe I shouldn't eat this maybe I should drink this maybe I shouldn't drink this maybe I should sleep late maybe I should whatever it is I need to make the the calculation every single day I need to make the decision every single day the other option is to say as of today I'm a runner I'm a runner and if I'm a runner so then what does a runner do so it's not oh should I no a runner doesn't eat the decisions are made for me a runner doesn't eat this a runner has to run otherwise they are right otherwise they as that's a quote from to dvor right they're they're being uh they're they they're they're denying their existence I'm a runner so of course I have to run of course I have to eat right of course I have to get the right amount to sleep because that's the things that Runners do right I don't need to make all those decisions again because the de that one core decision of identifying myself as a runner that is what determined and the same thing I'm a reader well if I'm a reader then I have to read right if I want to if I'm if I'm a musician then I have to practice right but if my going back to the first question if my resolution is I'm going to play piano I'm going to learn a well then okay maybe yes maybe no but because you're not a musician you're not a Pianist you're you're just the guy who wants to play piano so once I Define Myself by something that determines that's the most important decision I need to make and that will determine all the other decisions because now I just need to decide do I really believe I'm that thing I'm not that person that did those things I'm a different person I'm a person it's not that I'm a person and I don't want to speak lanara I don't want to speak slander and gossip about people I am not a banhara I'm a person who doesn't speak lanara which means that now when I have the opportunity to speak Lear I I can't because if I do then I'm not who I say am I'm not who I believe I am I'm a daver so that means I got to go to scho I'm a learner means I have to learn right I'm a a family person which means I have to spend time with my family right I'm a b i do kindness I do you know kindness by others so that means I have to so I would say where do we start start by identifying ourselves by where we want to be where do I what do I want to look right now we have how many days we have but uh but but I have X number of days until rashash when I need to going back to number one decide where I want to be in hashem's world so I have to decide what is that going to look like and then once I know what that's going to look like what I want to be then I can start figuring out how do I get there step by step how do I get there and small steps baby steps fold it in half fold it in half fold it in half one day you run a mile when this maybe you don't want to start a mile when they run five steps then 10 steps then 20 steps then 30 steps actually I do run a little bit I do run a little bit and I remember I remember I have to give a shout out to the program rabbis can run oh with everyone's telling me to join it for sure join it for sure join it and now I hope R American he'll sees this video and'll see anyway that's the name they told me to reach out yeah I'll give you his number but but I ran a half marathon last year I'm signed up for this year and in the beginning I could run I used to do by minutes I'm going to run for a minute and then walk for two minutes and then run for a minute and then walk for two minutes just yesterday I ran you know three miles without stopping and then I ran a half marathon last it's the same idea step by step small steps and then like you said before small steps make big people right that's and and and that's really the key one other ASA if I can of course is an amazing an amazing idea that I heard in the name of and The Story Goes that a group of of non-religious or not yet religious students were were visiting him it's already a step they were visiting him they're visiting him and there was one girl that said to him you know Rabbi I want to become more observant but my family is not my family is not observant and and the reality is there's a lot of things there are a lot of things that I want to do but I can't to be realistic to say I'm going to change everything in my life she was like 14 years old 15 years old I'm at home what am I going to do how do I like where do I where do I start where do I start can you tell me one Mitzvah that you think I should keep so he thought and he said I can't tell you one Mitzvah but I can tell you two said okay says choose one Mitzvah that you really really connect to something that really you like doing CH something kind this charity you want to whatever maybe it is prayer maybe it is learning Torah whatever something you really that speaks to you maybe it's sh sending away the mother bird whatever it is you find your Mitzvah that speaks to you and do it but then take another Mitzvah that doesn't speak to you at all something that really it maybe even rubs you the wrong way okay and do that one too because if you only focus on the Mitzvah that you love that you love doing so then who are you doing it for you're doing it for yourself you're not really building a relationship with Hashem which is what this is all about and so do one Mitzvah that you love and one mitvah that's maybe not as much and that's the key to make sure that it's solid so if you want to where to start so what I recommend is follow the words of the ROM change your name identify what you want to be who you want to be and then take the small steps with Mitzvah that we love Mitzvah that we not as much and follow that path take those steps become great and ultimately you'll be blessed with all the BR because that's what hashm wants to see from us that's the connection amazing R Dan very very inspiring very very practical tips things that we could all and should all take upon ourselves we have a meag we have a custom Andor talks which is a final message okay so you know I I I went into rabanus into the ravenet and and even all the steps of my life just because to to help people maximize their potential that's really why I'm in it it's to help people you're good at it I see I see it the passion is there and and I think sometimes what holds us back is that we get stuck in the grind we get stuck in in in in in the the nitty-gritty of it but to realize that AEM wants to connect to us and which are days of awe which are you know Capital all right right it's a big deal we spook it's not small things nothing than Shalom said earlier is meant to minimize the den the Judgment but at the same time it's such a tremendous opportunity to connect from before I I'm be honest I'm G get very candid here making myself vulnerable that before I learned that piece Shalom Rosano was very very hard for me very very hard for me scary SC and I dreaded it meaning the day itself was and all of el was dreading R how am I gonna get even yum Kipper wasn't as hard because yum Kipper was a little more understandable very mixed messages what is that very difficult for me once I learned that piece and I had that that understanding of of what we're doing we're being we're we're we have the ability us sitting here in Queens have the ability to coronate coronate the king what does that even mean it means hasem cares what we do Hashem cares about us and this time period is about our opportunity to connect how right the king is in the field I am to my beloved as my beloved is to me the words we have such an opportunity right now and if we take the steps then we walk out of these uh the 23 days 23 days of the from the beginning of till right we walk at as different people starting in L already we can walk at as different people change our entire trajectory and that's really what this time that's my final message is that enjoy it tap into it take advantage of it Just Let It Go by don't wake up R morning night and say oh I have to run to don't wake up AR Kipper and say oh I have to even suck is it take advantage of every moment of this time period it is kadash it is the holy of holies and if we do so God willing all of us we all know the Jewish people need a a good year this coming year we need a Yeshua and this is the time this is the time we're writing Hashem is writing the contracts for next year right now Yos is getting ready to do it we need to make sure do our best to make sure that that we're in it we're in it with good things for all of all of Amen R danzger very inspiring I want to add two things number one is don't be scared be prepared okay that's that's one very important line and then another line that comes to mind uh after those inspiring words is don't just go through it but grow through it take take those moments the holidays and and grow and uh and learn and connect and take things upon yourselves by size folded and folded again very nice from Rabbi WBY you quoted right and we want to thank the rabbi for these inspiring words want to remind everyone every single Tuesday night 8:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time kazak Tor talks with special guests what an amazing Tor we just had creating systems to make Chu last making repentance last so uh RAB yonas and danzger from Roslin uh very inspiring very inspiring I love this stuff I do this I tell this to people all the time I do this for myself I get the and the whole world could enjoy as well please make sure to share to family friends neighbors everyone anyone you know uh k.org kazak info.org for suggestions of future raban and guests a feedback has been amazing we appreciate the feedback please continue sending it our way we want to thank our friends at Daily giving a dollar a day goes a very far away we encourage everyone to be part of it want to give a shout out and thank you to the various different platforms that host kazak Torah talks including our friends at Torah anytime thank you very much to Robie and Nan behind the cameras and amazing work that they do with kazak and kazak is very very busy even though though the school year started we're still very very busy placing kids from public school over 1,700 and more I've been transferred and uh if you have a family friend neighbor please make sure to reach out to and all to see complete Redemption SP days of men by men Dan amazing wow great stuff we got to have the rabbi more and more program just the energies like amazing [Music]