Charlie Harary - Shavuos: The Light of the Torah in Dark World

We begin I just want to first, of course, thank and and just give a shout out for you can people can go to Zichron Naftali. It's an organization that I'm very active and involved in zichronnaftali.com and sort of be be generous there. Okay. Like so many things in life, when we get involved in something, as we said in many times here before, there's a concept I heard this once first in the name of Reb David Foreman called the lullaby effect. You've heard this before, I'm sure. The lullaby effect is if you ever ever sang a lullaby to a child, and you looked into it, you would realize that it makes no sense. If you imagine the purpose of a lullaby is to soothe a child into going to sleep. And if you ever heard the lyrics of a lullaby, if we could do the most famous one, it's Rock-a-bye Baby on a treetop. Now, if your baby's going like, why would you put me on a tree? When the wind blows, the cradle will rock. And the baby's like, wait, you're putting me on a tree on a windy day? Like, how does this work? And when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. And down will come baby, cradle and all. And the baby's like, are you even my mom? Like, what is going on? Like, who in the world like how high were the people in California when they wrote the lyrics them to bed. And yet, nobody thinks about the lyrics because as Reb David Foreman said, lullabies have a way of lulling us into not thinking about the things that we say or that we do. And this happens to all of us. And so, I appreciate this was the beer tonight just for a few minutes that we can talk about maybe what is the most really arguably one of the most important nights of the year. As you know, Reb Aron Yisrael's name is Reb Moshe Leib. We had this conversation. A lot of what we're talking about today is going to be coming from him. If you hear something you you like, it's his. If you don't, it's cuz of my secular brain trying to bring it out to the world. And he said, and you see this all in all this from too. So, so anybody wants to look it up, just go look it up. But I I'll trust them. Shavuos is such an important night that Shavuos night is actually the the that there's a judgment that takes place. We think the only day of judgement is Rosh Hashanah. Ah, there's another judgement that takes place throughout our year. It takes place on Shavuos. The judgement of Shavuos is the judgement that takes place about the Torah that we have throughout the year. Our Torah is decided on Shavuos. And it's not just Torah as you would may think like what I'm learning. It's our connection to Torah. Our connection to ruchniyus. When we're davening, he says, "And you feel connected." There's an allocation that comes throughout the year. If you blow Rosh Hashanah, you come halfway through Tishrei and go, "Listen, I know the whole parnassa thing, but could I?" Hashem is like, "Listen, there are moments. I told you about it." I'm Hashem. I'm merciful, but you and I know that it you know that it says that your your mazzal is determined on Rosh Hashanah. I gave you warning. You should have came when I was when the storehouse was open. I'm telling you. Shavuos night, Hashem is saying Torah. It's not just what you learn. It's your connection. You're sitting and davening the whole year. You're sitting and saying Tehillim the whole year. You want your house full of Torah. You want your kids to have Torah. You you're you're thinking about the son who's not connected and you're trying to see whether he's going to connect. Your daughter is dating and you want her to find the RIGHT GUY. ALL OF WHAT WE'RE THINKING about the whole year is somehow connected to Torah. It's who we are. Ki heim chayeinu v'orech yamenu. Every second of our lives, if you're really living a Jewish life, is somehow somehow connected to that piece of Torah that connects us to Hashem. It's Shavuos. And by the way, all of the material world is built God forbid from some other place, it's coming through the connection of ruchniyus. So, the parnassa that's bracha. So, that's the the family relationships that's full. So, that's the shidduchim. Everything we're looking for is somehow connected to Torah, which is connected to Shavuot, which is connected to the night of Shavuot. It's a big deal. We're walking into a Rosh Hashanah, so to speak. It's And it's almost here. We're 48 hours away. And if you think about it, what do we do on Shavuot? Every Yom Tov has a a designation. It has a distinctive quality that is different for that Yom Tov. Rosh Hashanah has the blowing of the shofar. We're fasting on Yom Kippur. We're sitting in the sukkah. We're We're We're sitting at a seder and matzah the whole Yom Tov of Pesach. Shavuot is Shabbos. It's just meals, except that you get to have cheesecake. Oh, and the first night, we stay up all night, which by the way, isn't even a mitzvah. It's a minhag. And by the way, there's a lot of people that don't do it. Maybe half the room. There's a lot of people that are just not showing up that much. So, then what is Shavuot? Is it just a Yom Tov? And then where does the judgment take place? And how does it work? I want to be here. I want to get judged. I want to be connected to the Torah. How am I getting that? What am I doing? So, let's spend a little bit of time with Hashem's help. Hopefully, put the right words in. Hopefully, give him nachas. Let's spend a few minutes in trying to understand what is going on in Shavuot versus Hashem. Based on Rabbi Leiby's Torah and the other Torahs. Shavuot has a major question, because if you actually go into it, you will see that Shavuot itself is a question. In every other Yom Tov, we know when the Yom Tov is. It says it in the book. We know Pesach. It's written down. Sukkot is written down. Rosh Hashanah is not hard. It's Rosh Hashanah. It's the beginning of the month. When you go through the Torah, Hashem lays out all the yom tovs and when they are. But not for Shavuos. Shavuos is a count. It's 50 days after we left we left we left Mitzrayim. But here's the problem. That the Gemara says there's even a machlokes as to when we actually got the Torah. In the Gemara, there's a machlokes between the Chachamim and Rebbe Yosi as to when the Torah was given. And according to the opinion of Rebbe Yosi, actually what happened was during this period of time, as Klal Yisrael was preparing towards the end, Moshe Rabbeinu on his own added a day. And so in that first year when they got the Torah, there are 50 full days, so to speak, under Moshe Rabbeinu's addition was really not Vav Sivan, it was Zayin Sivan. Which is why the Gemara says that there's an agreement that it took place on Shabbos. Because this year, by the way, is the year that they first left. You want to know the dates of the week? Klal Yisrael left on a Thursday. They got Right now, should we're looking at Shavuos on a Friday or Shabbos? That was the machlokes. Which means there's an opinion. And if you look through some of the Rishonim, you'll see early on there's a question as to why it's called Yom Matan Torah Zman, because when was it? People are talking about it. Chachamim are talking about this and going, "Wait a second, when was it?" Now if you look around, you will find something amazing. Whenever we have a a safek when it comes to holidays, we're always careful. We know when Pesach is. It's written in the book. But there was a time in which we weren't sure when the new month was. So till got the chutzpah to So we kept on keeping two days. We're not messing with yom tov. Two starim. We're in the We're in the sukkah twice in sukkos. We're not We don't mess with yom tov. There's too much at stake for us to say, "Well, we're sure it's this." If you grew up in the diaspora, we have this in which we do things twice because God forbid should we miss and keep and have We miss the yom tov for the year, we can't survive. Wait, the most important day, the day of the Torah, which not because later on we couldn't get from the from from the base into us, because in the actual story there's a locus. How many Shavuos do we keep? How many nights do we up we up all night? One. Wait, in every other we're scared. We're worried about Rosh Hashanah we have two days Rosh Hashanah. We have two days of everything. We have one night. We're so sure. We're not taking a chance. We're okay taking a chance. We're putting all our money on black. No. And if we miss it, we missed Torah? Why are we so confident that it's one night? Why are we not up two nights in a row? Cuz it's a little hard? What's going on with Shavuos? Why? And by the way, just while we're at asking questions then I'm done asking questions. Just one more. Does it make sense to even stay up at all? Rabbi You good? Rabbi Ocean asked this question. He says, "Staying up doesn't even make sense." He says it a little bit more Torah-dic. If we had a big day, if let's assume that we had a big final or a big event or someone's getting married or someone had a flight and you go to bed and you go into the dinner room, what does your parent say? Let's stay up. You know what they say? Go to bed. Tomorrow's a big day. Hashem gave us the Torah at nates. He gave us Torah at dawn. If there was ever a night to eat quickly and get a good night's sleep, it's Shavuos night. Why isn't Shavuos night he asks? We go, we eat quickly, we all go to bed. We got a good four or five hours in. We're all up at the crack of dawn waiting in shul for Mount Torah. We go out, we eat, we end up in shul. By 2:30 we're like half we're half not even paying attention. By 3:00 we're like drinking we're we're popping corks. By By the time Mount Torah comes, half the shul is out cold. And they start saying all the all the Ashkenazi but till they get to Mount Torah and half the place is out. By the time you get home, instead of coming back after Mount Torah, a day like the wedding, and you come home, and the meal, and the learning, guys just sleep until like 3:00 in the afternoon. That's Yom Tov? You hear? Something's going on. Something's happening. And if we can figure out if we can figure it out, maybe we can figure out how the din may be working. And so that we can figure out what we have to do in the next 48 hours to get ourselves ready for this monumental moment. So that when Hashem comes down and allocates Torah, me and you in Mir Hashem have a large portion. So what is going on? So many, many years ago I was in law school. And I went to law school at a time, believe it or not, for those that are a little bit younger in the room, I went to law school at a time before we actually had internet. Then, believe it or not, the internet was in a room called the computer room. In the old days, that's how it worked. There was a room where the computers went. There was huge Before then there was a wall where the phones went. For those who are young here, I'm going to get a little nuts. Before then there was a well where the water came from. And before then everything, as my kids say, was just black and white. But when I grew up and I was in school, when I was in law school, we had a computer room. And you went to the computer room. And all the computers were attached to the internet and you printed there and you work there. That's how it I don't know. That's how it worked when I was in law school. It was funny cuz in my last year the ethernet just came out. You remember ethernet's a blue thick cord that you see sometimes in now like data centers. You used to fight for the few seats at the edge of the lecture hall because they had those big thick things. Back then lawyers especially when you had professors I went to a a law school with a lot of old school professors like men with like Roman numerals after their name. Like you know guys that literally came off the Mayflower. Like real American WASPs. Like the real names their first names were like Walt and Quincy. Like you know. They spoke like orators when they taught. They didn't speak English. You understand? They spoke like Latinish English. So the theory was that if you're a lawyer you're you're an attorney. They didn't call you a lawyer. You're an attorney. You have to learn how to write. And your writing has to be persuasive. You're not a scribner. You're an orator. You're a communicator. So they one of my professors made us take a class in creative writing. So what are you going to do? I'm going to fight with the professors. So we had to sit through Again, I like If you're like creative writing, God bless you. Like go for creative writing. I'm saying I as a kid struggled to even stand behind the podium let alone sit in a chair let alone deal with creative writing. But we had That's what we did. So we they they gave us all these books and you have to read all these creative writing type books and one book came our way. And this is like forget I'm I'm a softy. I'm a softy like crazy. I'm not good with like you know. And this book like broke me. The book I remember like it was yesterday. The book was about a a And the whole point of the book was the power of writing. The book was about a young man during around what I thought I think is around the Revolutionary War time. Around I think I don't know how long ago it was, but it was a time in which they didn't have guns. They had muskets. You know those You remember those like They didn't have helmets. They had like those those four-corner You know those hats they wore, those like triangle hats. You know what I mean? The blue coats with the the gold buttons. Anybody here know American history? You know that the white pants and like those like loafers. That's how they fought wars. Formations. So, the story was of this young man who was on a farm. And he got called into battle. And he had a young wife and three little boys. And the way the author begins, it's like heart-wrenching. The day comes that he gets his letter and his wife breaks down and they have a farm and they're alone on the farm and they've got three little boys, Timothy, John. And the day that they walk him off to battle, that he walk on a dirt road before they get to the main road before he gets picked up. And the imagery of this young woman with a baby on her hip and two on each one on each leg. Goodbye, Daddy. When you coming home? Daddy doesn't know. And the wife was heartbroken. And what she would do cuz she had to navigate her life. And so she didn't know how to run a farm or how to handle the boys. She didn't know how to deal with the neighbors. She didn't know what was going on in battle. And so what this young wife would do was she would be writing letters every night to her husband on the battlefield. And her husband Yeah, if you want. Could they not hear me in the back? Can you hear me in the back? You can? Microphone or no? Yes. Yes, okay. You can hear me but with the microphone. Until we get this. So, what they would do what we would do is she would be writing him letters all the time as a way to connect to her husband, as a way to get the guidance that she needed. And her husband, who was a prolific writer, which is why the book was in creative writing, would write her long letters back about his experiences, what he was seeing, how to deal with the neighbors, how to deal with the farm. And this would go on for weeks and that as the kids missed their dad, she would go to bed and she would take out the letters that he wrote for the boys and she would read them daddy's letters and they would calm down and then at night she would sit down at her wooden table with the apple cider and she'd be heartbroken and the way she would deal with the missing of her husband would be through the letters. And then one day We're good? And then one day she hears people she hears footsteps on the dirt path. It's early in the morning and she is sure that it's her husband coming home from battle. And she wakes up her boys and they run downstairs. And as they go downstairs to open the door to see their husband, they see two soldiers with a folded flag in their hands. A folded flag means Thank you. Perfect. A folded flag means Daddy's not coming home. And she collapses. And she's unconsolable. And as they give her the flag and she's heartbroken on the floor they take something else that's out. Meanwhile, I have to like write an essay on this. I'm like in tears. And they put on the table a leather-bound book. And as they're walking out, one of the kids says to the guys, "What is this?" cuz the mom was not in a place. And he tells the boys, "Tell your mom that your dad was injured in battle and he was taken to a military hospital. And he knew when he got to the hospital he was never going home. And so when he got there, he asked for as much ink, cuz that's how they used to write, and as much paper as they could afford and the army feeling for this man supplied as much paper as he would write. And day and night, they said, "Day and night, the candles would burn to the bottom. He would just be writing." He would write stories. He would write advice. He would write for the boys when they were getting at married at marital advice 20 years later. He would write his wife again and again and explain and write and write and write and write knowing he would never see her and wanting to pour everything he had out on the piece of paper to give to her and write and write and write and the end of the last page with the pen literally just falling off because that was when he couldn't write anymore and his last wish before he left was that we should not give this to his wife in a way that was disrespectful and he begged us they said to find something that was leather bound that we can put the letters in so when you hand it to her it's handed to her with respect and on the table is this leather bound book of your father's letters. And as the wife came back to her senses, she looked at that table and realized that her husband is gone and the only way back to him is through that book. And she would read the book at night and she'd read it to their boys and they would go to bed with that book and wake up with that book and as she's going through her day and as it gets hard and as she can't function and as she can't imagine the world not being black, what she'd look to every day was the book, another page, another time. The stained the the tear stained pages she'd read again and she'd read again and every time she'd read it, which is the point of the class, he put in more imagery and more secrets and more ideas and more and the point was when you write, your writing lasts forever beyond you and the point was when you write sentences, make sure your sentences are filled with ideas even beyond the surface. And all I'm thinking the whole time is this poor wife. And that's how the story ends. What is Shavuot? What are we trying to accomplish in Shavuot? So we think that Shavuot is the day in which we got the Torah. If you ask somebody what is Shavuot, they'll tell you Shavuot is the moment in which a long long time ago Cloudius all got the Torah. Here's the problem. If that were the case, we would keep Shavuos twice. What is Shavuos? Okay, I'm back. Oh, you lost the thing? I got it. What is Shavuos? So, let's pull back for a second. Klaal Yisroel comes out of Mitzrayim. Shavuos is the end of a journey. Shavuos didn't come out of nowhere. Shavuos is the end of a story that we've been telling for almost 50 days. Klaal Yisroel comes out of Mitzrayim. And when Klaal Yisroel is in Mitzrayim for 210 years, it's radio silence. And when Hashem shows up in Mitzrayim, remember, and we did this before, Hashem did not bring the makos into Mitzrayim in order to save the Jewish people. Why would Hashem bring the makos to save the Jewish people? You think the Kodesh Boruchu, and we tell the story to our children as if Paroh comes over and won't let the Jews out. Moshe asks, Hashem says, "Hi Paroh, can you please let the Jews out?" And Paroh goes, "No." And Moshe goes back to Hashem as if there's Paroh and there's Hashem, and they're two battling each other. And Paroh Moshe goes, "I'm so sorry. He said no." And Hashem said, "No? You got to be kidding me. What a chutzpah. Dumb." "Uh?" "Sorry. Svarde. Uh? Kick. Boom. Punch. What? And then at the end, finally, by makos bechoros, Paroh goes, 'Okay.' And Hashem says, 'Ha, [gasps] it's about I was going to go 50. He got lucky at 10. Let's get out of here.' For real? The creator of humanity's got to play ball with Paroh? He was the one who hardened his heart. He couldn't have softened his heart? Yosef was able to get away with a bunch of dreams. He couldn't have put dreams in Paroh's head later? This is like a big deal. Hashem couldn't bring kosher, shut the lights off and he could have walked right out. Hashem is playing around with Paro for 10 macos because he needs to save the Jewish people. Are you kidding me? Hashem wasn't doing this for Paro. Hashem brought brought macos for us. For 210 years we were sitting around with nothing, with no connection to the Kodesh Baruch Hu. And the Kodesh Baruch Hu shows up and says, "I am hearing you cry." When you're sitting at a park and kids are playing and it's like a Memorial Day. So all the dads are babysitting. Like as if when you take care of your kids you're babysitting. All the dads are babysitting, which means they're on their phone watching the kids play far away. When all the dads are multitasking and one little kid is on that monkey bar and slips and hits the floor and goes, "Daddy!" One man, I don't care what kind of business call he's on, comes flying. You know why? Cuz when a kid screams, you know who comes flying? His parents. And Hashem says, "Listen to me, guys. You're my kids. Lo ayer de malach. Lo ayer de seraf. Lo ayer de shaliach. Bichvodo uvaatzmo. The king came down off his throne. You know why? Cuz now you know you're my children because only parents come running for the kiddies. I didn't send somebody for you. I came. The 10 macos were for you to see I run this world. I run the world. He doesn't run the world. They don't run the world. You can be sitting in 2006 thinking that, you know who runs the world? The doctors and the defense and therapists and everyone's running the world. Let me tell you something. I run this world. It's my world and you're my kids. I came running and here's what we're going to do. This isn't once. Every single year you get back in that room and you tell your kids. Don't let the rabbi do it. The rabbi's got other things to do. Not tonight. Tonight you tell your children. Hashem loves us like kids. He came for your Your grandmother was in that room, was in that land and the creator of the world came down off his throne, on his knees so to speak Has Veshalom, and saved us in the mud, 49 levels down. You know why? Because he loves us. Yeah, you. And we came out of the sea. And call you so got it. They believed it. There's a Hashem in this world. We believe it. And they say, "Caleb and they who?" He's mine. Caleb, he's mine. I can't believe it, he's mine. But then something happened. Because if you're really paying attention, you'd ask the following question. You You I think we would say and we we ask this question. We say, "Wait a second. If the entire goal of this is isn't to save the Jewish people, we're not just like a nation that was born to save us?" Hashem saved us for one reason. Moshe saw the burning bush on Mount Sinai. He saved us for the Torah. He saved us to be his nation. You got him. You walked him through the By the way, Moshe You know what you should do tomorrow morning? You should give them the Torah. There should never be a Omer. They should take one day from Pesach, get the bagels, get back to life, we're good. Shabbat is over from cooking, let's get rolling. It's the holiday. Why should there be a break? You came out, 10 plagues, you walked through a sea, you believe in Hashem. The whole goal was to have the Torah. From the sea to Mount Sinai, it's a small little walk. The Jews are spending They're hiking around the desert, they're doing nothing. Someone has got to raise money for production on the mountaintop. What was going on during this whole period of time? Why do we even have a Omer for? This whole era, this whole 50 days seem like it's totally irrelevant for. Why do we have it for? So, if you look at what the Jews did during this period of time, really it's one consistent thing. There was a war, there was stuff going on, but there was one thing that happened only during this period Well, started during this period of time. What was that? >> [snorts] >> They got hungry. Shocker. As much as mom can bring food, how much food could she bring in the desert? How much? I mean, how many shopping bags could one woman take? That's how you know you're Jewish, by the way. You know, old days it was yarmulkes, but everywhere hats. If you go to Great Adventure during Chol Hamoed, you know how you tell someone's Jewish? Not by the hat, you know, not by the yarmulke. You know how you tell they're Jewish? If the woman next to him is carrying 40 bags, Jewish. The guy could have a tattoo and a who knows what. She's carrying bags, you're Jewish. You don't think the mommies were carrying bags back then? What do you think they were putting on those donkeys? But okay, how how much could she carry? At some point, there's no food in the house. She turns to her husband after a few days of coming out of the Yam Suf, and she says we have nothing to eat. And he goes, "Don't worry." Moshe Rabbeinu said, "Tomorrow morning, Hashem's going to give us mun from shamaya." She looks at him maybe and says, "Listen, you know that I love you, and I I'm so happy with the shidduch. But you're not Moshe Rabbeinu. I mean, you're wonderful. I mean, and I think you learn beautifully, but Moshe Rabbeinu, I mean, and you're strong, but Nachshon, I don't think so. Listen, I'm not Miriam. So, you think the Kadosh Baruch Hu is up there with all the millions of people that walked out of Mitzrayim, men and women and children, he's got a registry? It's a celebrity religion. There's Moshe at the front. We're happy to be part of it. I'm happy you included us. Now, the Kadosh Baruch Hu, by the way, could have fed them by having wheat grow from sand. That's more chashuv than wheat growing from soil. That's beyond Hashem's ability. He couldn't have had a depot in the corner of mun, a schmorgasbord the way we like it so you can bring your plate back six times? He had to have it the the he had it, one per per person. you save it for tomorrow, it goes it goes bad? Why? Maybe you can say that the reason why is cuz that woman woke up in the morning and said, "You think the Kadosh Baruch Hu knows we have four children?" You know what the guy said back? I don't know. And I bet you his hands were trembling on the way to that spot. Which moved every day by what he did the night before. And picked up the money, put it in the house. 1 2 3 4 5 What? Hashem doesn't know our names. The next morning 1 2 3 4 What? Your mother's coming from Shabbos. Now you know Now she knows your mother's coming. Was he tapping our phones? What is he the government? What's going on? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 My friend just had a baby. What's going on? You know what the Jewish people did during this period of time? You know what they did? You know, in one place it's almost easy to believe that the Kadosh Baruch Hu exists. Mon um Makos, split seas big rabbonim, big tzaddikim big stories maiseh l'chacham about tzaddikim tzaddikei elyon. You see a tzaddik and you look at his face and you go, "Ah, this man sits with the Kadosh Baruch Hu." It's easy for me and you, the regular folk to look over to a religion in Judaism and say, "I know how it works. There's them and then we follow along." And by the way, there is them and they're holier and they work harder and I'm not taking and I owe to away from the the godliness of true tzaddikim and chachamim that are our einei hador. But we think it means that Hashem doesn't see us. He's not in my house. He's not with me in my anxiety. He's not on carpool. He's not in the bank account. He's not in my feelers cuz I can't even keep my feelers straight for an entire feeler. How could Hashem be in this feeler? I know that feeler and how could the Kadosh Baruch Hu really care about this feeler ascending to shamayim? Do you know what the quality of this feeler is? Guess what? If you don't think you exist, you can't have a relationship with somebody. You can't look up to someone in the front who doesn't know your name and have a relationship because they don't know you. You only know them. You know why? Cuz the Kadosh Baruch Hu says, "You know what? We began this relationship with me you believing in me. Now I want you to see that I believe in you." You know we're counting? We're counting something very specific. Because after K'lal Yisrael comes out of the midbar and they go into Eretz Yisrael, there's this interesting law that takes place which is any new grain can't be eaten until you bring a carbon omer. Why? Cuz Hashem is telling you, "It looks like it's your grain and it looks like you're now being run by nature and it looks like because you hooked up this guy or did this deal, this is who's your real bosses. But let me tell you something, do not touch that wheat cuz every day that you can't eat that wheat and your kids say, 'Why?' you're going to say, 'It looks like the wheat came from us. It came from Hashem. We're not touching it until the omer.' And your child will say to you, 'The omer, what is the omer? It's not even the name of a carbon. It's not descriptive. An omer is a measurement.' And you're going to tell your child, 'The omer is our trigger word.' For what? It's for the amount of mun that we got. Sefirat HaOmer is the sphere of the man. It's the sphere of the day in and the day out of us waking up and saying, "How could the creator of the world know my name? How in the world did I end up in a religion where I am This doesn't make sense. What I'm so no I am so nothing. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. It doesn't happen in a day. There's no way. There's no way he knows me. Second day, there's no way he knows me. Fifth day, there's no way he's on carpool. Eighth day, 9 10, he doesn't know me. 11, wait, this coincidence happened? Oh my gosh, it can't be. It can't be. Not for me. No way. Not for me. Today I got a call from a person on the way over here. I am telling you she asked the question, I know the answer. In the morning, I called her and he gave me something. I'm like, "Why is he telling this to me?" It was this girl asking me the question. I'm like, "Do you have any idea how Kodesh Baruch Hu just like I should be so happy just used me in the middle?" She's like, "No way." Yeah. You see, we have this complex. And the complex goes like this. If I can't imagine loving millions of people, then no way anybody could love millions of people. If I can't imagine how it's possible, why would Hashem know my It doesn't make sense to me, so then it doesn't make sense. Kodesh Baruch Hu goes, "Yeah, guess what? You're finite. It's not going to make sense to you. Let me tell you how it works. Omer, I see you. I picked you. You didn't pick me. I picked you. You don't own me. I know you. Again, and again, and again, and again, 20 25 30 40 Not once. Not twice. To see a Kodesh Baruch Hu runs the world, it's one night. In one week already out of the sea to see the Kodesh Baruch Hu knows my name. It's 50 days. It's 7 * 7. It's the unit * the unit. I have to break my head into a world that says, "He sees me." He's building me. Not only do I believe in him, but I don't know why, but he believes in me. If you don't got that, it's not a relationship. If we only have one side and we think that the Kodesh Baruch Hu doesn't see us back, we're not in a relationship. Which is why to so many people Judaism doesn't taste good because in the back of their head they think it's for somebody else. They think they're doing a religion meant for those people and I'm doing it because I don't want to upset the God on top and ruining my own life. Because how could it be? Kodesh Baruch Hu is like, "That's not what I'm doing here. I'm building something with you. I'm thinking about you." That one-year-old boy in the cabin, his dad, he doesn't even know what his dad is doing. His dad is dying and writing a letter to him at his marriage in 20 years because he didn't has no way of understanding how a man on his deathbed could be thinking about a one-year-old and all his father is doing is worrying about whether his son could survive without a father. And he's writing and he's writing and he's writing. The guy's like, "The kid's not getting a book." The kid is getting the neshama of his father. Kid's not getting advice. He's not getting wisdom. He's not getting marriage advice. He's getting somebody's heart and soul put into a book for him. And he's thinking, "He doesn't even know me. My dad didn't know me. He passed away before I was even a kid. And his father's going, are you crazy? I don't know you. I put my life into something for you. I wish I can talk to you. I wish you can see me. You can't. So, I'm going to give you something. You think it's advice? It's me. You're going to read it to see how it compares to other things? You're going to do a page a day and then connect it that you're good? You walk out like you like you're free? Are you kidding? Every word has 4,000 meanings cuz I read it and wrote it and wrote it and wrote it and wrote it cuz I wanted you to read it and I want you to feel me inside. That wife is looking at that book. She's looking at a book that about how to run a farm. She's looking at a book of a husband who's heartbroken to a million pieces. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Every farm advice is love and love and love and miss and love and love and love. She's not reading a book on how to farm. The farm is just what's in front of the neshama of her husband. The Kadosh Baruch Hu is turning to us and saying, are you kidding me? Do you know what this is about? Are you paying attention? You think you're in a religion waiting on top? What are we Greek that we wait around for some deity in the sky to hook us up when we give him the sacrifices that he wants? Is that what we became? Like we're running around with our own lives and we know what's best for ourselves. It's like a new thing like the post Carl Rogers world of America. The humanism of that what's so I don't feel it. I just I I follow my truth. We're serving ourselves and assuming that my senses knows truth and we look up to the deity and go, here's the deal. I know what I want. I have it clear. If you can give it to me, I'm cool. I'll do whatever you do. They used to sacrifice birds or whatever and I'll sacrifice anything to you. Whatever. Deliver. She's like, "What? Now we're Greeks? You're putting your head down to get stuff?" Can you imagine the the the the the pain of a father that comes home from battle and the kid puts his head stuck down and goes, "Can I have some money?" She's like, "This isn't about stuff. It's me and you. It doesn't make sense to you. That's called belief. Belief means you were chosen to be my daughter. And if it doesn't make sense to you, then guess what? Dance about the fact that it happened anyways. And it took you should take you 50 days. And what we're doing is every day you're climbing and climbing and climbing and climbing until 50 days. 7 * 7 a unit on a unit you go, oh my gosh. The creator of the universe is guiding my life. How did I let this person guide my life? I have the creator. I have my dad, my my my mom. I have I have my beloved in my life. Then you get the book. You don't get the book if it's like, "Ugh. What do I got to do to get to the deity? Holy cow, this stuff? I got to fast? Oh, what do I have to wear? What do I got to eat? That's crazy." Hold on, let me do a little bit less to see if he zaps me. So far, I'm I'm pulling no zap. I still got some money. Okay, I got a new sheetah. She's like, "What? I'm amazon.god now to you? You're ordering? This is an order catalog you're getting? You know what's in that book? My soul. Kudsha Brikhu. Kall Yisrael. Orayso. Zohar says, "Khadu." She's like, "Not Hashem. We don't know Hashem Hashem. Kudsha Brikhu." is in the Torah. The Torah is not just a book of information. It's not just a book of stuff. Stuff. Cool story. Moses on leadership. It's like a joke. You know what Torah is? The Torah is an interface. As I believe he says, it's a cord between the generator and the phone. It's an interface. It looks like it's stuff. You know what it is? It's the [snorts] Kadosh Baruch Hu saying, "I love you. I love you. There's no way you can connect to me directly. So, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to write something. It's going to look like a couple of things. It's just a cover. Do not get stuck on the cover." It's just this cover. You know what it's really? It's me and you. There's no way for you to get to me. Your mind can't get to mine. So, what we're going to do is we're going to make a cord from the ultimate generator into you. And that cord is called Torah. And when I give it to you, you're going to look at it and you're going to say, "Now I can live in the world and connect to my father in heaven. I can see what he says. I can read words that are pregnant with his R. I can follow what he wants. I can see a scenario and ask myself, is that what Hashem expects? I can get into his thinking because what he's trying to do is say, "Any Tza." If you get to Shavuot and it's annoying, you didn't get to the Omer. It's only annoying because I'm serving myself. And you're just my delivery man. And I'm still Greek cuz the Greek world is destroying us and I'm still stuck. I'm just a Jewish Greek. Instead of Zeus, I call it Hashem. It's the same theology. I have my life deliver. >> [snorts] >> And Hashem says, "Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh." It's not how it works. Here's how it works. I'm giving you something. It's cuz I love you. And it looks like it's information and wisdom and rules. And if you spend your life thinking that way, you're going to do it if you're a good person and never taste it. It's going to be bland. But if you did the work and you walked out of Pesach and you went through the Omer and you spent And if it's not the Omer, you're almost there. It's right at the right of it, so you can still do it. If you spend a few minutes thinking to yourself, I cannot believe that Hashem picked me and he's giving me my himself in a book. If you're sitting in a book and you're looking at that book and you're seeing Hashem glisten back at you, that to him is coming alive. You're not running through to check. You're reading it. The Gemara is coming alive. When you have that perspective, you stand before Har Sinai and he says, "For you, my love." >> [snorts] >> That's why if you look at the Sefer HaChinuch and his approach, look at Rebbi Yitzchak and so many others, they say, "You know why we don't do two nights? Because just in case you think the reason why we're doing it is to commemorate, you're going to miss the whole point of Shavuot. Shavuot isn't commemorating anything. Who cares what happened a long time ago? A long time ago was just a Pesach. It's just an opening to tell you what's happening every second. Hashem didn't love your great-grandparents and then left you. Hashem comes every single year, 50 days after you start counting to him. He meets you on the way down. He meets you at the mountaintop and goes, "Here, honey, it's for you." Every single year. Every single year the Kodesh Baruch Hu is doing Matan Torah. We may not have a physical mountain, but it's not changing. So, that's why the Rabbis are telling us, "You know why we're so confident? Because it's not about the date. The date isn't even written in the Torah on purpose." The Torah is saying, "There's no date. The date is 50 days. Because if you're going 50 days and you're climbing to me for 50 days, you know what's going to happen when you get to the top? I'm waiting for you. I'm going to hand you the letter of the book cuz you're going to take it and you're going to go home and you're going to open up and you're going to be like, "Holy cow." Look at the story about Ravina. What is in this story? It's probably I can't imagine. That's what he wants from us. Now, imagine for a second, if you can, you were that that that soldier and you came to to come down and you walked into that house and you peeked through the window and you saw your wife sitting in front of that table with the book, her tears, and you see the kid in the corner who's engrossed in the book cuz he can't fall asleep without the stories from his daddy. And then you see the guy in the corner who's like, "Am I done yet? Am I done yet? Mom, am I done yet? Am I done yet?" How would you feel about your children? When you look at that one kid who's engrossed in the book, you're like, "How can I get How much more can I give you? How much more can I connect to you? Look at you trying. Look at you getting absorbed in the book." That, Rebbi says, is the judgment. That's what Rebbi Yerucham is talking about. Do you know why you're supposed to go to bed before big performance? Cuz that makes sense. But who's talking about a performance? If her husband was coming home in the morning, she'd sleep? If her father was coming home in the morning from battle, he'd be sleeping for the performance? What performance? I'm halishing. I'm looking at my watch. We have one night a year from from from from from from from from Seder from nightfall until until nights. Is the Is that's the one time a year where the Kodesh Baruch Hu is giving us the Torah again, culminating in nights. I'm going to bed? Cuz I'm not a guy? Cuz no, I never went to I never got up? Because I'm this cuz I'm tired? Cuz it's hard for me? I got to hang on the back and talk for 3 hours? Are you kidding me? I have a cord. The cord is called Torah. I have one night where I'm looking at a book and Hashem comes down and goes, "Who cares about my book?" And she sees a family where the mom has not only a physical menu, she has a spiritual menu. She's like, "Tonight is Hashem's night. You give it to our Torah. You give it to our Torah. We're going to make it awesome tonight." This little kid needs to The whole house is talking Torah. The whole house is talking to Hashem. You turn to the other house and they're like, "Whatever, it's Friday night. I want to go to bed." It's not a question of like Hashem's on top going, "Hmm, you're going I'm in my vest?" He's looking down and going, "Where do I put my neshama?" Which one of my kids am I halishing for? The one who's halishing for me? Or the one who can barely move back on? He's ready for tomorrow morning. He's annoyed that the first night I got to stay up late cuz it's bedtime and he had a hard week at work and he's exhausted trying to make money that I give him. And so as a result, he'd rather be sleeping. Forget the judgment the way we look at it like Hashem is a bit Hashem is coming down. He's looking at the window going, "Which one of my kids is absorbed in the book that I put my life into, so to speak?" That's the That's an allocation. That's a judgment. He's a mother turn to her boys and say, "Go. I got it." Or her husband. Or you know what? He sees a family of women that go, "We're reading Tehillim. Start. Push yourself a little forward. A little more. We could do it. Let's finish it. Let's finish it." I can only imagine what it must feel like for the Kodesh Baruch Hu to look down into a house, to a woman who's working all week and her head is nodding off in front of the Tehillim on on Shavuot night. Like, I can only imagine what the Kodesh Baruch Hu is looking down and going, "Look at my daughter. Come here. Come here. Malachim, look at my daughter. Look at she can't even keep her eyes open. Look what she's trying to do. It's tonight. It's my night. Tehillim is Torah. We have he says With Chaim says all the time that Tehillim is Torah. Torah. It's not about my yahrzeit. She's Look at these people hawking before Yom Tov trying to finish stuff and do things and make the night exciting. Look at how hard they're working so the night that I come into the world, I look at my own children of which I have so few left in this world. Look at them. Look at the honor that I'm getting. Look at these guys go. This is why there's a big inyan to say Tikkun Liel Shavuos. Cuz you're just going and going. Look at these guys going. Usually it's hard for them to learn. They're pushing and it's pushing. It's 3:00 in the morning. It's 3:00 in the morning. That guy doesn't want to go to sleep at 3:00 a.m. Look at him trying to fight. Rebbe says, "You know what Shavuos is? Shavuos is the generator. We are the, so to speak, the phone and the Torah is the plug. Plug into Torah and don't stop. As long as you can go, go, go. Now I'm learning and I'm hawking and I'm learning and I'm hawking and I'm waiting and I'm learning. I'm learning. I'm learning. I'm learning. We're learning every second of Torah on Shavuos night for men, women and children. Nobody is off. If you can't go the whole night, you go as long as you can. If you have to get up take care of kids, okay. Kodesh Baruch Hu is trying. He sees you. He sees what you're doing. He's pushing. The goal of Shavuos night is one thing. Orach Chaim Feinstein says, "You want to know how you build a kli? It's called ratzon." The goal of Shavuos night is to turn to the Kodesh Baruch Hu and say, "Ani rotzeh." That's what I want in my life. And you know what? It's been bland and it shouldn't be bland. Cuz I've been running my whole life thinking that I'm in charge of my life or I'm thinking worse that how I look is who I am, which is why I'm so obsessed with how I look and what I have cuz it's become my identity. And I forgotten that my identity is to be your daughter. I forgotten that how much money I make is not a sign of my value even if I'm in a community where it seems like that's the case. My value is that I'm your son and you picked me and you gave me a book. And when you look in the window, I want to be the kid in the corner absorbed in the pages and not the kid that's like, "Am I done?" Cuz I want you to look at me and see that I understand what you're doing and give me more of you this year, Hashem. That's what it means to be in the judgment. Once a year, Hashem gives us the Torah again. And he looks to see who's out there. Who really cares? Who's prepping for a wedding? You know how you know who gets who's getting married? Cuz she's been prepping for months. The guy trying to get to the second dance he can get home that night isn't part of the party. The closer you are to that bride and groom, the more you're prepping. You want to know who's marrying Hashem Shavuos night? You can tell by what's happening tonight, tomorrow. How am I going to honor Hashem? How am I going to make him be proud of me when he looks through the window two nights from now? Cuz I want him to see me and give me more. So, when I get up, I believe he says, "You're 10 inches taller." So, next year, I don't want to fight the same fight. I want to get up and I want to feel closer and then I want to go Michael Hachai. >> [snorts] >> There's one more piece and then I'm done. One of the hardest parts about being a Jew is the way we got the Torah. We live in a world of consumerism. And the way a consumer works is, "Show me. Show me. Interesting. What else you got? >> [snorts] >> I'm just window shopping. I'm just walking around to see. I'm just taking it on a test drive." When you live in a culture that's built on humanism, which is a nicer way of saying, "We serve ourselves." And in a culture that's built on consumerism, which is, "Let me see before I buy." You turn to the Torah and you use the same mentality. And the mentality is, if it's working for me, I do it. And if it's not, let's see. Can you juggle for me, Hashem? Make me a miracle. Give me a speech, and then maybe I'll do one of your commandments. My grandmother and your grandmother, my grandfather and your grandfather did not think that way. You know what they did? They walked to a mountaintop or they were very clear with me today when he said you walk to a mountaintop without Torah, and they said na'aseh venishma. I got it. It's right, I'm in. What do you mean? It's right, I'm in. And we are scared of that. Let's just be straight. Could there have been We're almost at Let's just be real. It's scary to do more than I'm doing. So, here's what we do. I'd love to. Oh, would I love to. You see, my friends, my family, my kids, my work, my job, my background. I wish I was born in this community. I don't even have to do this. You see it? To the right, they're a bunch of fanatics. To the left, they're barely religious. I figured out exactly what Hashem wants from me. In the back of our minds, you know, we say to ourselves, if you come near me and you do the thing that I should do, I'm threatened by you. Because I know there's a rung on top of me called action, mitzvahs, maasim tovim, maybe things I shouldn't do. It's right above me. It's not 10 steps above, it's right above. I should grab it. And I'm scared. I am scared to grab that rung. You want to know what Shavuot night stands for? In my opinion, for the base number of I leave this conversation today, was a Jew in her house, in his shul, in his moment of quiet and saying, "I'm making it up. I think I serve myself. I'm serving you. I trust you." I'm grabbing it. Mekubal. I'm scared, Hashem. I don't have the strength for this. They're all not going to talk to me. I'm going to look like a weirdo. I don't think I can do it. Mekubal. Naaseh. Venishma. My grandmother did it, I can do it. My grandfather did it, I can do it. But then he says, "You want to know what a connection is? Number one, learning as much as you can. Tikun Leil Shavuot, Torah, Gemara, Kabbalah for real, Tehillim. That's one. Plug in all night. You want to know what a real big one is?" He says, "That Kabbalah that's in your head that you're scared of." Deep breath. I'm in. Tonight is the night. I'm committing. My great-grandparents can do it. I got the same genes. I am sure that if you want me to do it, Hashem, I will not I will not lose in life. A Kabbalah of Naaseh on Shavuot night? Are you kidding? Talk about Yiddishe Nachas. Talk about the Kodesh Baruch Hu looking down on a world that has made us Greeks, humanists, and consumers. And looking at that Jew through the darkness. Looking back up and saying, "I got it. You see me and I trust you. I'm in." That's our goal. That's maybe the din. How much are you in? And the more you're in, and the more we try, and the And by the way, you try the hardest we can. The hardest we can. And the more we're trying, getting up a drop earlier to go to the earlier minion to hear that that safer Torah, walking to shul a little bit earlier. Staying a little bit closer to the to the to the safer Torah. Saying to ourselves a drop more in the morning so I stay with kedusha. The more we're doing on that one glorious 6-7 hour period a year, the more the creator of the world looks down and goes, "Look, they got it. I want the best for them. I got them. And now they got me. Give them more cuz this is what they're here for." Olam chesed yibaneh, I'm trying to give them. I just need for them to figure this out. My bracha to us is that we do not walk around with the insecurity that is actually holding us back from connecting to Hashem. We don't let the forces around us that have convinced us that Judaism is just a version of another religion, but we actually sit and realize that Hashem has been talking to us since we were born and saying, "I got you. I got you. Trust me." And on the night that he gave us his book, we realize that it is not a book. It's an interface to him, and we get absorbed for one night in the real Torah. Not buying a book English book off the shelf, but tomorrow. Torah, the real stuff that he gave us, and we're getting lost and lost, and we're plugging in, and we're being mekabel, and we get to matan Torah in that morning, and when we hear Anochi Hashem, we'll know in our hearts, "Hashem, I've been trying. I'm not perfect, but man, I know Anochi Hashem. I believe in Anochi Hashem." And maybe when Hashem sees us doing that and the klee that we build, when he says Anochi Hashem, the the level of what he gave the world then, may he give it to us now for ourselves and our families. May we be zoche to see a time where Hashem looks down at his people in a dark world and sees a bunch of Jews trying to find the light. And this shul is when he reveals himself in each of our shuls. May the revelation from the Kodesh Boruch Hu be one that the whole world hears. Together we should go from our local shuls to the Beis Hamikdash with Mashiach Tzidkeinu and may he reveal himself quickly.