CHAZAQ event on the Path to Happiness with R' Dovid Orlofsky

[Music] somebody once gave his view of a reduction to DEFCON and he got up and he was visibly moved and he said I just wish my parents could have been here to hear that my father would have enjoyed it and my mother would have believed it so what a pleasure I have to admit this is the first time that I am speaking in a low Eastside this is the first time I'm in the LOI sights and smokey Bernstein's closed down and I think I bought things for my lifter it's rel here but otherwise you know the lowly side is obviously an area of tremendous you know historical importance and very limited parking and so it really gave me a chance to see the neighborhood over and over again as I searched around for just my place in the world you don't always know where your place is you know but this much is clear there's nothing that you're supposed to get that you won't get I was at a supermarket in Yerushalayim that is notorious for not having a lot of parking and there was a perfect spot just mom was perfectly right for the exit you know and I was a bit of a Cosmo you notice how I decided I'm going to turn around so that I can back into the spot and as I did somebody else came in and took it so the person I was with said you know oh look at that they took your spot I said if it was my spot they couldn't have taken it if they took it then it wasn't my spot because there's nothing that you're supposed to get in this world that you're not going to get yeah and we get upside day it's a it's an amazing thing to me I and and it's a difficult thing for me to understand this girl went out with this guy for a few weeks maybe a few months I don't know exactly how long it was it was a significant period of time and you decided that this guy was definitely not for her another friend of hers went out with him and got engaged and she was so upset I said why are you upset you know cuz she got a I said but you didn't want that guy you know that was you threw him back in you know to the water it wasn't something that you wanted how could you have said if somebody you know took took something that you didn't want you know it's just part of our mentality you ever see when you're you I forgot what your card game it is you know maybe it's rummy you know you throw out a card and every time you try to call the other person goes ah fix your garden you're like I want my card back yeah you throw it out you didn't want it you know but we have this constant sense that I'm not getting what I'm supposed to be getting you know I remember a peanuts cartoon every tourist key wrote an entire book on peanuts cartoon so I consider this among the aquarium yeah so there's a peanuts cartoon where - tells Lucy and that everybody has been put into this world to make people happy she stops and thinks and she says there's a lot of people out there not doing their job that's our topic for this evening it's peace of mind yeah and the reason we don't have peace of mind is because we're always so sure that we're not getting what we're supposed to be getting we're always looking towards the other person and saying you know look at what they have how come I don't have this how come I don't have that it's it's a sad reality but if you look around you see people who seem to have everything if you dig down a little deeper you see there's more to the story that you didn't know you know and things start to come out I remember when we had six chosen you know so my wife used to Jovi's as well you know you would never leave me with six children you know and then we saw someone get divorced with six children you know so then we had seven children he says well it's not gonna leave me with anyway this went on for quite a number of years anyway you know and each time you looked around and these people were like the perfect family married for 20 years 25 years wonderful things then all of a sudden you suddenly realize you don't know everything that's going on you don't see where everything is going on and so therefore there is a approach to life where I look around that everybody else and when I look around that everybody else this is a guarantee for an unhappy life because I look at what everybody else has and I think that that's supposed to be mine yeah peace of mind interesting when we talk about similar talk about happiness yeah so you know the Orcas adikam presents meadows and their flipside so have a Paragon Guyver egotism and then over the next next chapter the next section will deal with another humility you know and they'll have anger and then they'll have ruts uh you know where everything is you know you know get up you don't know you don't get excited about anything yeah and it's always the flipside he has similar and I'd imagine that the flip side of that would be ox loose it's not it's not sadness the opposite of happiness is not sadness its duygu it's worried it's concern yeah people are always nervous you know now let's face it if you want to be nervous it could be nervous all the time there's always something to be nervous about yeah things you haven't even thought about spontaneous combustion where for no apparent reason and this has been documented a person will suddenly burst into flames and they tell a story by the guys working on the street then he notices that his foot is on fire you know and it takes a while to put it out because they don't even know what's causing this but the body is burning up itself they found the fellow whose entire outline and ash and his clothes were untouched you know he just burst into flames that's so awkward you know and and I don't know how many of you are concerned about this but maybe it's somebody should start thinking about that what do I do if I suddenly burst into flames you know there's lots of stuff that you can worry about things that come crashing out of the sky in the 1970s I remember Michael Medved wrote a book together with David Wallace in ski called the Book of Lists I'm a fountain of worthless information by the way and this book was just perfect for me it's just different list of different things so one of them was lists of things that come crashing from the sky you know and how people were you know in a situation where you know over sudden like this you know gigantic rock would come crashing down through this ceiling or something else would go on or something this would happen you know and you never know when you'll just be working on the street something will come crashing out of the sky and crush you there's something to worry about you know I can go on you know now you might think some of these things are a little outrageous but if you have ever bought a lottery ticket you know that your odds are better of getting hit by lightning than winning the lottery so you should certainly be worried about getting hit by lightning that's nothing more people die from falling out of bed than getting hit by lightning so you should certainly worry about falling out of bed and dying and so the list goes on and if you want to worry you can worry all the time and if you think that everything is fine and there's nothing to worry about then you obviously have not heard about catastrophic illness where suddenly in some kind of disease you know you get some kind of illness and it's not covered by the health fund you know or is covered by Obamacare and you're already bankrupt from that you know and suddenly you end up having to use up all your savings all your money and everything this on this and you know in the end it's still not enough money and you have to like take the hospital staff hostage with a machine gun you know until they treat you and these things have happened anyway so so you want to worry the opposite of happiness is duygu people worry and if a person worries there's no limit to the amount of worry but a person who is Asia who are sheer a Samara Coco you know who's wealthy if you're happy with what you have you're happy with what you have because you know you're gonna spend your whole life worrying about what you don't have there's a story of this fellow who got into a terrible motorcycle accident and became a quadriplegic and they said surprisingly he was a very happy person and they said even in such a terrible situation how could you be so happy and he said I used to be able to do 20 million things now I can only do two million things so I could spend my time focusing on the 18 million things I can do or the 2 million things that I can do what do you want to look at you know you can look at what you have or you could look at what I'm worried I'm not gonna have or what I'm going to lose or what's gonna happen most things are not under our control and if we do not appreciate this I could Asheboro who will send us opportunity after opportunity to experience the fact that things are not under our control yeah you have very little choice in this world we talk about free choice you have very little choice you can't choose if you're going to be strong or weak you can't choose if you're going to be healthy or sick you you really can't choose if you're going to be rich or poor right if you're you know we we all know people who are not the best of the brightest and they're rich and we know people who are very intelligent and they just can't make a living the ebon Ezra said if I sold terrific people would stop dying and if I sold candles the Sun would never set you know he just had no luck when it came the paranoia you know I this guy his father passed away had left him a huge and there was a fellow who did online trading like he was a day trader and as soon as it be a little blip and something would go up you know he'd quickly buy it or his quickly sell it you know like this and he said if I have ten clients as soon as I come to you the price goes down he says I put you at the end I put you in the middle I put you the beginning this matter where I put you as soon as I type in your name it drops you know what are you gonna do this is because the guy is any less intelligent than anybody else I need less deserving right and now you have very little choice in this world you know relationships you can't choose whether your parents are gonna be reasonable unreasonable trust me they will be unreasonable yeah you cannot choose if your spouse is going to be reasonable unreasonable trust me they will be unreasonable you can't choose whether your children will be reasonable unreasonable I guarantee you they'll be unreasonable yeah your neighbors aren't reasonable and your voice is unreasonable and everybody in your life is unreasonable unreasonable being defined as what I once saw on a bumper sticker be reasonable do it my way is that so you're gonna find that you're surrounded with people that you know it would be nice if everyone did what I wanted them to do and if my happiness is going to be dependent upon other people I'm going to be very unhappy because I cannot control how people act and I cannot control events and I cannot control things in my life the only control I have in this world is how I choose to relate to things and therefore it doesn't matter where you are or what you're going through how dramatic is that possible I had a friend I went to high school with his father was in Auschwitz and his father escaped with two other people but they couldn't get very far and eventually they hit up hid out in this abandoned house and the Nazis were searching for them with dogs and then you know and troops and everyone was so nervous and he found yarn and he started to darn himself a pair of mittens and they said to him what are you crazy the nice isn't gonna find us negative kill us says listen maybe they'll find us maybe they'll kill us I don't know if they do kill us so I found a way to keep myself busy and they don't kill us I'll have a pair mittens anyway the Germans found them beat them terribly and dragged them back to Auschwitz he survived the war and it towards the end of the war he would see the other two guys and go with his mittens that he made well everybody else was just worried what are you gonna do I can't do everything I can't control events but I can when I used to run an CAS why people got me these different posters there was one poster that what sprite you know I remember this day poignant if they're running you out of town grab a baton and make it look like a parade you know I can't control events I can't tell you what's going to be the what I do is I look at the world and I say if my happiness is going to be based on everybody else like Lucy said there are a lot of people out there not doing their job then I'm going to be very unhappy I'm going to live a life that's unhappy but if instead I live my life trying to be the best person I can be and enjoying everything that I have you ever see people go where in vacation and they spend the last three days of the vacation worrying about the fact that they're going to have to go back and their vacations going to end you know I don't know how many of you had relatives like this who would you go to visit them they would spend the whole time complaining you never come to visit you know and I'd say okay but I'm here now you know yeah yeah but how often do you come and when do you come why don't you come over you spend the whole time worrying about the fact that the person is not there which by the way is a good way to get people never to visit again you know how could be they just didn't like me and they were trying to chase me away but you know when you when you look at situations like that why can't I enjoy what I have we're so worried am I getting what I'm supposed to have I heard a story in the tells a yeshiva that she was about to make kiddush and he's looking around the room and he stops and it puts down the bathroom and he walks to one of the tables and he sees that a niche table there was a plate of cake and this one boy took a piece and put it on his plate and I she was said to him you afraid you won't get a piece of cake back on the plate I guarantee you you'll get a piece of cake don't worry about it don't worry about it you know people worried know am I gonna get I'm not gonna get a piece of cake no I don't know if you've ever seen this there's an interesting relationship between Jews and food you know it's a very intense relationship since this election is interesting I have to double-check but this morning they said that Hillary Clinton actually had 150,000 more votes in the popular vote and nonetheless Donald Trump won the electoral college the last time that happened was in the 2000 election when Al Gore and his running mate senator Lieberman had more votes but but didn't carry the electoral college so so I feel like you know the young male make reference to that last election when Senator Lieberman was writing so you know he's an Orthodox Jew you know when he was first nominated they said are you really going to be able to be dedicated to this campaign and he said I will be dedicated to this campaign 24 6 was his line now the truth is he also did Jewish events on Shabbos so he was staying somewhere in Miami and he walked to the shore now being a good Orthodox Jew he knows how to walk miles you know on Shabbos without any problem you know the secret serve people huffing and puffing to keep up with him you know and he goes to Devon the show and they made a kid in his honor upstairs so before diverting ends they take the candidate upstairs and they secure the perimeter you know Secret Service people are there you know is you know we've got we got two people by the kill goal you know I mean you know I say somebody by the herring at the airing yes I anyway so he's upstairs and suddenly they hear this fun during up the stairs and they form a fangs around there a guy and all the people come running up and we go right to the food right fast the senator who's interesting but he cannot compete with chopped liver yeah when they said expression what am I chopped liver holla boy yeah runs right past them you know and you know so it so when it comes to food you know Jews Jews have a you know I keen keen sense of this you know and people are worried am I am I gonna get what I'm supposed to get my am I gonna get my portion well I get what's coming to me you know I'm worried I won't have you know and you can see this you see this with people people are nervous you know I won't get so I've been that condition and I see people run like they have never seen food before and I have to tell you one of the first times that I was a scholar residence at a paisa hotel it was a day of calamari I remember this day I don't know why remember this day because it made an impression on me I don't know if I was keeping score or not until governing you had to get by with just coffee and cake then they had diving then they had breakfast everything you can imagine they had matzah brei they had pancakes they had waffles you know like Thank You Braco they had you know every type of fish herring LOX LOX pickled this you know they had every type of eggs that you could possibly want every time some cheese they'd cereals you know whatever you wanted they had you know it's a breakfast when the breakfast finished you also had to get by with just coffee and cake unto lunch lunch they had every milking dish you could imagine they had lasagna they had you know three different types of fish they had you know the big pasta now you know that pasta there they had you know Mateschitz there all kinds of things that they had you know soups two different types of soups and say you know unbelievable and then the desserts you know that when that finished the tea room opened nobody ever had a cup of tea in the tea problem you know the tea room they have every type of fresh food every type of dried fruit every kind of candy every type of cake ice cream you know I'm kind of drink everything you imagine you know they closed that at six o'clock because then they had the cocktail party no nobody actually drank a cocktail at the cocktail party they had shaving dishes of little miniature francs of little you know stuffed cabbage of little meatballs that you know and you know and then they had dinner and a dinner you know so again you have like three appetizers and you have a choice of two soups and then you had like you know roast beef and dark and you know and chicken and you know and all kinds of different kind of things you know and a bunch of desserts then the Tea Room opened and it closed at 12 for the Big Bash no I don't know what the Big Bash was I I didn't make it to the Big Bash you know but what I found fascinating was that every single one of these places throughout the day people went running up like they had never seen food before in their life you know and I see a kiddush at the end of governing and he's he's running running to go and get something you know I saw you in Israel we've really managed to do it differently because the kiddush in Israel is they'll put out a few plates of unattractive cake and some bottles of soda that come in various fluorescent colors you know if it's a really you know big event busily with it you know and then you wait for the main course which is a slice of your Xiaomi kugel with a pickle you know and I don't find anybody fighting over it you know to make sure oh my gosh I almost didn't get my pickle you know so it's really very simple you know you go to you go to a casa no you know well the Israeli relatives have already sat down ate all the food during the reception you know you know you sit down there you know and they come over they serve you a Beretta you have a choice of like three appetizers they're all potatoes and different forms you know a minute he drips the you know the the gravy on you you know and then they give you a choice of like you know you know you want it so low you want to chicken you want relati you know I mean and you know they bring out whatever you know the thing is and you don't really find people fighting over it so much it's not the same sense of appeal you know but you see people running I'm not gonna get a miniature frankfurter you know I mean what if the chopped liver runs out what if there's no herring I've never run for one of these conditions you know so sometimes people they feel bad for me they bring me a plate you know but if not I wait till the crowd disperses and I go over I've always found food I've never found that they although that looks like a swarm of locusts they don't actually do you know destroy everything you know there's always some food left you know but this is initial you know when you when you go to one of these hotels oh my that there's a buffet you know people come running up there's not gonna be any food you'll get whatever you're supposed to get don't worry about is that a fastener recently and I ordered something and didn't come it didn't come in I'm the person next to me was so nervous I didn't come at me with all the way to get maybe there's no that goes I said if I'm gonna get it I'll get it don't worry about it have to worry I'm there's nothing I'm supposed to get that I won't get eventually he brought it then the guy forgot his main oh he was on spill cuz the whole time I'm not gonna have a main course what's gonna happen I said you'll get whatever you're supposed to get don't worry about it eventually it came or Hashem you know so nervous most of the things that make us nervous are things that were worried about that we don't have to worry about it will be there you'll be taken care of you know I was going through a particularly difficult time I'm always going through difficult times but sometimes I go through a particularly difficult time I was going through a particularly difficult time and I had a friend of mine who was a citizen and he saw that I I guess it was on my face a little bit that I was going through a difficult time and he says to me for believing it to be predictive was walking with this either man he stopped and said to them if I was a coach merical you know what I would do and I said what Reba this is just what he's doing now why you think I'm smarter than him and bam it hit me that's it I'm smarter than God I know you created everything from nothing and that was very impressive and I know you do a lot of good things but this instance you dropped the ball big guy so let me step in and try to fix things up you know and I realized that's it I think I'm smarter than God God knows what he's doing you know I'm Roberto Orbach during his week of his Dornish ever broca's was in a crosswalk and was hit by an egg advise and killed her from his almonds son Thomas Holcomb and the family was sitting Shiva and the Shiva of a time comes an old man and McCain who walks in anyone's wondering what does he have to say he's gonna give us an humma he sat there quietly for a few minutes and then he says no but 6,000 yard the a bush to fear the veldt omocha me now remember socially tianyu schleich yeah What did he say he says no it's about 6,000 years now that I sham runs the world that was that was his words of the comma and after he left all the brothers were saying what did he mean what did he mean and finally one of the brothers said I'll tell you what it meant this is a terrible kasha summer through the week we still - ever breakfast you know it wasn't jaywalking wasn't a cross walking gets killed I took a but it's not the Cashin 6,000 years you know and the able to feel the veldt Hershberger who runs the world and he knows what he's doing so I was going through you know whatever difficult time it was and someone says to me you know Oh aren't you nervous aren't you this and I said no could you borrow who knows my name he knows where I live he's got my file he didn't lose my file you know I know he's gonna come back to me a few years later all offski you're still here oh my god I forgot about you completely I'm sorry you know let me take care of that you know he knows who I am he knows what I need you know it presupposes that I'm smarter than God and I realized I would never want to be God I don't like the hours you know I mean forget about it you know coach borrow who knows what he's doing and a person who has that sense will never have to worry he knows what he's doing and there's nothing you can do about it and I'm just gonna have to wait and see what happens and for the best the best so instead we can look at our impact on the world around us and instead we can look and see rather worrying about me about everybody else I want to tell you a story it's an unbelievable story it is a touching story it's it's in the first Chicken Soup for the Soul and it is such a powerful story this guy has a new car and he stops to get some groceries and this run rundown neighborhood and when he comes out he sees this kid wearing old clothes that are obviously hand-me-downs the too big for him and he's staring at his car and he says you like the car kid he says yeah where'd you get it this is my brother bought it for me and he says wow I wish the guy says I know he's gonna say I wish I had a brother like that he says I wish I could be a brother like that so he says you know what kid you want to go for a ride he says here kid we drive by my house so he says all right he wants to show off to his friends he's in a fan decoy they drive by the house and he goes in and he carries out his little brother who has polio I can't walk and he says he see Billy his brother bought him this car one day I'll buy you a car so it won't be so hard for you to get her out do we want to have a brother like that or do we want to be a brother like that that defines all the difference in the world there's an amazing story I am the only source of this story if you ever hear anybody tell this story they got it from me how did I get this story when I was teaching our Sameach I taught a partial shear in the intro program which is supposed to be for the beginners and my shear was made up of beginners and students from the mirror and the brisk who came to micromachine because even though I had to explain things in relatively simplistic terms and give some introduction evidently what I was saying was considered kaduche him enough that these guys really really appreciated it I had I heard a really mixed bag of guys and both of them had felt free to ask questions during this year one of the guys who came was with Knussen's fee finkles personal gabbing he used to travel with him on the plane he used to go with him to America he would go around fundraising with him take care of him he would minister to him during the day and stay with him in his room and learn with him and you know whatever whatever Shiva needed he took care now the first part of this story is pretty well known yeah Howard Schultz the head of Starbucks writes the first part of the story he was with a group of major Jewish business leaders who came to Israel and they were meeting with people from the government and people from businesses and various professionals and they also met with certain religious leaders and he writes Howard Schultz writes the story that he says we went to meet with an essence v Finkel there she rode the Mia who at the time was suffering terribly from Parkinson and have you ever saw it when it was bad it was bad all the times his legs would lock and they would have to just like drag him forward you know I mean and he would shake terribly and he says we were a little embarrassed it was hard to look at and he bangs on the table and he says my friends you're very important people and I don't want to waste your time let's do this quickly and he understood that that was really a backhanded statement but okay he says what did we learn from the holocaust and everyone offered their different insights that we need a Jewish state never again you know wherever it is that we learned from the Holocaust he says I'll tell you what we learned from the Holocaust we will learn that five Jews could sleep with one blanket you have the blanket that go home and share it that's what Howard Schultz writes in an email now the truth is that it was an earlier Russia Shiva from the MIR who commented on this story it's a good mark which says that in the generation of you who the body it was so poor that five people had to sleep with one blanket but they were really from a ship to come mushiya could have come in that generation even though five people slept with one blanket answer obliged for love it's come on how can five people sleep with what like if you were a kid did you ever have to share a bed with a sibling or with a cousin you get into a fight and stay off of my half of the bed you start fighting over the blanket and get into a tug of war you know till one of them gets it underneath them in roles you know I mean and forget about it you know you spend the whole time the whole time is a tug of war he says the controller says there's only one way five people could sleep with one blanket every time you sense the blanket is on you you push it off to the next person you wanna it's more important to you to make sure that the other person is covered than that you're covered yeah so he says you guys have the money you have the resources there's a lot of need they're in the Jewish community you have the blanket share the blanket that's the part of the story the gap I'd told me the other part of the story and after of lessons fee was nifty I told the story around and they said way to get the story from and I said I heard of my god because how could it be you're the only one in the world who knows the story can't be so I went back to the mirror I found him and I asked him he says yeah yeah I was there Howard Schultz came back by himself some time later and he went to big lessons fee and he took out a cheque and he signed it and he said rabbi fill it out for everyone at the time the budget of the mirror yeshiva was two million dollars a month do you know what it was for lessons feed I have to schlep around for his health to try to raise this money forget about the fact that then he couldn't be there for the time be them and he couldn't be there for the yeshiva do you know what a tremendous burden this is well Howard Schultz wouldn't care you write down right now two million dollars it wouldn't have made a difference to him I would have given him a month breathing space lessons three said I can write down anything I want he writes it down for $1,200 it tells Howard Schultz take this check across the street to that store and buy yourself a pair to fill in and put it on every day that's what you can do for me because we look at people and we wonder what can they do for us instead of wondering what I can do for them I was in England I was asked to speak at a dinner for a lord sir david alliance was it dinner honoring him and there were various Lords and you know noble men men there was a guy called the colonel who had a a walrus mustache and a monocle I think he escaped from clue I don't know where this guy came from yeah I think we combed the colonel and go it's very good very good oh then believe it was upper crust you know a restaurant every static English society not my usual crowd you know and I met this one fellow there who I found that later is worth like a hundred million pounds you know I mean he owns like you know you know it's a lot of real estate you know like the story they tell about these three these two Texans and there's three Texans is one little Jew you know the first text and says I got myself a ranch and I called the Big W I got me ten thousand acres next guy says I got a ranch I called the red ranch I got myself 50,000 acres third guy says really I got a ranch that's a hundred thousand acres called the Ponderosa so turn to the juices what about you cuz I've got ten acres they all start laughing ten acres what do you call it downtown Dallas so this guy owned a lot of downtown London you know and he says you know maybe you'll come in and you know maybe we could come and talk here's my private number you know so I said listen I really I got stuff to do you know it's gonna go to Harrods and look at the food court you know he says then I'll send my rolls-royce pick you up I'd never been in rolls-royce then it sounded interesting so he picks me up brings me to his office we sit down and he starts to talk about his wife and his children and how honestly he's neglecting them and he's running around with models and starlets you know and he's doing this and he's doing that and finally I couldn't take any more and I said what are you crazy I said you're gonna lose everything you have you're gonna lose your marriage you're gonna lose your kids you know for what is that the life you want I mean come on gonna continue pathetic you know this is what you're doing with your time what have you lost your family you'd be happy you would be running around at parties and stuff like that you're not a young man anymore kind of ways us to live he says you're right I said don't tell me I'm right I know I'm right what are you gonna do tell me now what you gonna do well I did you gonna start having Shabbat dinner at your home that's what you're gonna do you're gonna make Kidder's you're gonna make emotes you're gonna sit with your family you know it is what you're gonna do you know and I started setting out some other things and he says well it sounds good I said no no you you're missing unjust you know not understanding me this is what you're going to do and he stops and he says you know you're the only rabbi who ever talked to me like this I said that's cuz I don't need your money everybody else is worried for your money so they all tell you what you want to hear I read an article once in I think it was discover magazine where they said that rich people get worse medical care than middle-class people because the rich people dictate to the doctors what they want the doctors listen and he told the story about this one important businessman who had some kind of growth on his spine and his doctor was taking care of him and said to him like you know you know he has to have an operation and the guy says no so he had like two burly guys would like pick him up and carry him around and do whatever you do or you know so he brings in this expert you know this the guy he's writing the column and he checks it out and he says you need an operation now he said I can't do it now I have him you know I've these meetings setting up and every business trip you know I mean in two weeks I says no no now I'm gonna do this now or you're gonna be paralyzed for the rest of your life you're gonna do it now and the guy said well and the and and his doctor was they put you know he's an important man goes you want to be paralyzed wanna be paralyzed so do you have the operation now and he any insisted that he have the operation now and he says thank God I was able to save his ability to walk he says when you imagine he's gonna tell people when I'm gonna have the average I'm not gonna have the operation you know sometimes you have no choice you have to give in to you know medical expertise even though it doesn't fit in best with what you want I was in America and I got this terrible attack terrible attack I thought it was maybe some you know like I had terrible heartburn but I was lying on the floor I couldn't move I was moaning and groaning you know I ran a bath I lay in the bath I just I couldn't stop it went on for hours hours the whole night I called up a sister-in-law and I said like you know maybe you know you could go get me some antacids cuz I just can't you know she said this is not an antacid she called an ambulance I think I'm in a hospital they do a ultrasound so your gallbladder is twice it's normal size we have to take out your gallbladder I said I I can't think up my gold letter I have a little speaking tour you know I'm speaking tonight and I'm flying here than that you know now the surgeon who was that Jewish looked at me like I was out of my mind the gastro guy who was a firm guy knew who I was you know and he says he says listen I can send you on your way but you're gonna have one of these attacks in the airport you're just gonna lie on the ground moaning groaning you're not gonna go anywhere you're not gonna speak anywhere you know so I said okay how long does the surgery take so take about a day you know I said okay and I can take over my trip I can keep going sure I said to my brother he's not going anywhere don't just pull out internal organs and you go on with your life yet I mean what could I do it came at a bad time but that's where it comes you know so a person a person can look at things and say you know do I want it to be my way you know I'm gonna take it my way a person looks it in and says what's in it for me so here this rich guy doesn't get the medical care he should get this rich guy doesn't get the advice from a rabbi he should get because everybody's looking at him and say what can I get out of him and the Knussen's fee looked at him and said I have a blanket to share with you it's called Yiddish kite I want to share my blanket with you instead of just worrying about what I can get out of you because we're always so worried that I'm not getting what I was supposed to be getting but there's something that that that's in this world that was meant for me that I didn't get but the Gemara in Russia Shana says that everything you're gonna get is decided between Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur and you cannot touch somebody else's stuff to a hair breath you don't let her get anybody else's stuff and if that guy took my parking spot it wasn't my parking spot and people can understand this will have a much happier life we talk about peace of mind yeah I don't have to worry Simba is the opposite of Tiger you know we think of simple as you know you know happiness you know but happiness does not mean you know joy or ecstasy happiness means everything is good it's it's copacetic yeah I'm be Simba everything is good everything is fine it's a it's an underlying feeling of security and when I have that then I have the ultimate peace of mind I have nothing to worry about you know when a when a person could live their life knowing I have what I'm supposed to have and there's nothing I supposed to have that I'm not gonna get you know if the work I think the famous story through sucia you know they made it into a song you know every day he would say I shall please send me my food and I had a guy who was appointed to bring him his food and he says he doesn't appreciate that I'm doing this tomorrow I'm not gonna give money food okay zushio sits down and he says Hashem please send me my daily food so knock on the door guy was happy that resolution did something for him and he brought him is put in the meal not worry I'll get what I'm supposed to get I never have to worry you know when I when I have that what else do I need and so that brings us to the topic of this evening which is of course technology is this smooth transition what does that mean that means that we have no idea what it means anymore to really have peace of mind you know things are all around us I fought for the longest time not to get a cell phone when I grew up the only phone was the one in your house with a rotary dial that was wired into the wall by the phone company there were no choices it was only the capital T phone capital P company capital C that was it and they controlled everything yeah and that was it if you wanted to have a little mobility you bought yourself a long cord that you could you know attach so that you could walk a little bit away from the phone and then when you went back the whole thing tangled up together and now you had even less room to move than you did before you know and now we that was a phone there were no cell phones it was Dick Tracy had a watch but that was about it you know there was no such a thing you know you yeah that was the vote and there was no call waiting you know call waiting they came up with call waiting Co waiting is you know I used to call somebody and if they were on the phone I'd get a busy signal now I get cold waiting and the person clicks on that says hello I'm on the other phone I could have tailed that with a busy signal you know I mean well call waiting does is when you're talking to somebody you say hold on the other person might be more important and precious to me than you so I'll leave you on hold you know but you know that's a you know there was no cool radios no caller ID if you missed the call you had to call everybody that you know hi did you call me now again hi did you call me another no way to know you know and that was it that was that was your phone options and when you went out that was it it was done you can do there were payphones you had a dime a phone call somebody the phones weren't always available so you had to find a phone today you hear people say how could you live without a phone a cell phone it's not possible to get by of course Psychology Today had a cover story about how kids today aren't they able to grow up and one of the reasons they cited well because of cell phones and it used to be I would arrange with somebody that I will meet you at a particular place at a particular time and I managed to handle bad now you see two people I'm over here where you and I see you away now where you what are you wearing ways in there is that you okay that's not the point buzz me if do you see each other they keep talking ah so okay see right here yeah so yeah I'm coming over to unite hang up the phone yes you see the person number one people used to make lists I pick a Liz through and write down a list and they go shopping now you see husband I'm walking past the peaches I'm going towards the oranges I'm heading for the apples you know and you have to leave read off everything to your wife yeah I guess I could use that any of that you know I you know I used to shop in Maha Yehuda with those plastic solemn with the sharpened handles that used to dig into your hands and I just let back all the fruits and vegetables and that was easier than trying to shop holding a cell phone in one hand you know but it's go kids no one can do it you know I used to people would say to me then give me the address I say how do you get there don't you have a GPS don't you have ways I said no but I have a pencil this is how so we did it for centuries we'd write down two directions you'd go down three lights and make a ride you're going into that you know I mean now I need satellite coordinating me because otherwise how am I ever going to find it yeah all I know is the only ticket that I got in the past five years was because I was following ways you know and it weighs tells me go down over here goes into that and ended up I went through something I drove through something I wasn't allowed to it was a right turn only and I went straight you know and I said but the arrow said to go straight you know like I don't know about that but here's a ticket you know so you know I can't just write down with a right I can't just follow it so he said so people don't become able to they gave the example you know this is one professor since I hear this girl you know she's she's college student calling her mother goes so I went to the cafeteria believe they only had vanilla you know he says can't you go a day without calling your mom to tell about what they had for lunch you know when I went to Israel back in nineteen Oh huh so they don't have any cell phones we go to our cell phones would even have regular phones there's a five year waiting list from Bezeq to get a phone you could go down to the central post office and make a phone calls about $8 a minute you know but didn't make too many phone calls you know so what you do you wrote a letter you a letter took two months to get there two months to get an answer by then you don't remember what you wrote you don't know what they're talking about when they say it you know you know you just did it so that people would get mail you know I mean and stuff like that you sit there write it up you had to rely on yourself you had to grow up now kids come to Israel they have to have a phone they have to have texting the after of instant messaging they have to get an answer in 15 minutes or they'll write back in capitals why aren't you answering me exhalation mark said mo emic oh my god you know it's like this gosh so when they first came out with cell phones I my wife was pressuring me very much you get a phone call phone and I said why she says this way people can reach you anywhere at any time I was okay explain to me again why do I want a cell phone you tell me I will never have another quiet moment in my life I'll never be able to like just drive and you know and thank and flag because people will be able to call me all the time why would I want to do that to myself and I managed to hold off for a very long time until I was driving my mother on the Jerusalem Highway and my car broke down and I didn't have a cell phone and I had to run across traffic you know and try to find something to call you know and you know get it so I couldn't stand up to my wife and my mother that was too much for any man you know to be able to go against and I can tell you're honestly I would say about 99% of the calls are totally worthless is totally unnecessary you know you make them because you have the phone phone if you didn't have the phone they wouldn't be there that life-and-death issues and yet I can see people during governing [Music] sorry god I just want to see cuz this might be an important call I'm talking to God but this one might be more important you know it's okay just want to check sometimes it actually is more important than God I've seen people do this - huh it's so important my cell phone went off once when I was talking to somebody like your phone's ringing I was like yeah now aren't you gonna take the call I'm sitting here talking to a real live human being why would I go and talk to somebody else because they're on the phone because that's the way we are technology has more control over us than people you know I was waiting online at the butcher before you enter place is packed and every time the phone rang they would pick up the phone and take an order even though we were already online so I finally went outside I called in my order came back waited online Susan's ready I picked it up let's go Baltic knows that but that's gonna be more important so people are losing contact it was just a cover story in Psychology Today this past few months about how marriages are falling apart because of Technology not because of all the people that end up meeting old flames and stuff like that on Facebook I'm not even talking about that I'm talking about people who you know just get so tied in to their technology they can't make eye contact you know they just said they're always looking at their phone and they're talking to people are looking at their phone and you can go out to eat and find two people who went out to eat each one talking to somebody else on their phone you know except for me and my wife we're the only one sitting there you know and everybody else talking their phone including the waitress you know so I got her number hi this is Table six you think and come over we can place an order with the technology takes us over it you know I once got into a back-and-forth with a blogger I don't know how the guy does it I would write an answer and they'd send me back three pages I know what this guy must have no life whatsoever then he's got the time and and I I said I'm gonna follow this through it took days I just kept writing and writing you know my kids they all they all text I'll text you know I keep sending you these texts you know and you know I don't have the skinniest fingers you know and certainly eterna and it's just it's so funny I figured out if you push the little phone picture you can talk to the person and say the same thing that it was taking me 20 minutes to type in one minute but people don't wanna do there anymore it's the technology is very exciting its bells and whistles you know we're where I've been to schools where everything has to be a video and it might just be a video of someone who's in the room giving the speech that they would have given in person only now is on a video so people are more willing to look at it now watch it as a video you know oh come on you go to a consonant now can you see what's going on under the Hopa only if you can get to the photographer and look at his little screen yeah I mean otherwise you can't see what's happening no we'll watch it afterwards and we miss life and it's zooming us by because we're letting the technology take us over I was in a date condition and the video guy wouldn't let me see the handing over of the silver and the give me of the ring which I'm supposed to do I'm trying to get in there and he says get on my way or I'll knock you over I said take your best shot but it's just amazing you know and we let these people do it well let people take it over you go to a car sauna you know and you go in you have your first course and then you wait you know an hour and a half to the photographer finishes as well as pictures and then they come out it's nice you come home from the cars in about two o'clock in the morning you know but now they put out those little coffee cups that you can take with you home that's very nice you know but it's like for what because of course the pictures doesn't make a difference anymore a photographer told me that you know what they decided to do now is they take all the family pictures without the cousin collar they just leave a space and they photoshopped them in he said that's nothing he says who do you want to dance with the depositor you know Baron Cutler what covered sky him I'll put him in I'll put him right there in the circle with you and you'll be dancing with the puppet I'm at your house tonight you know I mean I said to myself Wow when we Aaron started Lakewood they made up piece of stationery a little little drawing and he looked at he says what's that this is that's the eeschema he says there's no tree over there he says I know for symmetry drew another tree says it's checkered take out the tree no it's not a problem I couldn't make you dancing with Reverend and the tree you understand you know it's not a problem put him in you know and he told me he says you know you can you can remove blemishes you can make the person you know look different you can make him look thinner you know because sometimes when I do a spar - a wedding he says there's a a app called Aryan ization that makes the person look lighter and more Aryan so that's beautiful you know especially when you're dancing with a video saiful you've just turned into a you know little Russia Shiva you don't even really get out but but that's what it is you know we've we've lost that sense of humanity I don't ever know and then I get an email somebody says so-and-so would like to friend you I said what does that mean a song who wants to be your friend I said oh that's nice tell him to give me a call we'll go for a cup of coffee says they know he wants to add you to his list of 600 friends on Facebook so you can look at his personal pictures I said I already have enough friends like that I'm looking for some real friends you've got six hundred friends gosh if a person has two friends they should count themselves lucky you know you got six hundred friends no it's just absolutely amazing you know I just wrote a post about this on my Facebook page but you know people people just let these things take themselves over okay so what's the answer can we turn back the clock we can turn back the clock I know a Russia Shiva who put his cell phone blocker in his base banished he says cuz he saw people taking out their phones talking you know during learning during this you know he says that's it cell phone but cell phone doesn't work you know and I I don't know if anybody ever missed any really important phone calls they could always call the office if they had to you know but we become addicted and you watch people and they're always looking at their phone constantly looking at their phone instead of each other yeah and people can just sit there does he use Shiva and there itself where they'll work with any problem a guy has a problem with you know members of the opposite gender he'll work with them guy doesn't get up in the morning work with them a guy drinks that work with it whatever it is it worked but there's only one thing that you get thrown out for and that is if you have a device that gets the Internet I said to him why he says because our generation is no longer driven by tithers our generation is driven only by the desire to sit there and look at the computer for hours and hours at a time people don't even get up they just sit there you know they'll watch two seasons of prison break you know I only know this because I saw somebody do it he stopped to go to the bathroom and occasionally things I meant to eat but otherwise he just chain watched hours and hours I don't even know what this thing was you know mush giffany shiva said to me says what do I do I have boys instead of coming tonight Santa to go to an internet cafe to watch Prison Break this shows that how old the story is you know I said what's Prison Bank he says it's the hottest show on TV what happens this is they break out of prison I said how long can a show like that go on for he says well they broke out of prison and now it's the second season they're on the run I said oh so then they arrest him put him back in prison when they have to break out again and they remember and zip I was right that's exactly what happens you know but it's like you know the logic you know so I said why would somebody do that why would somebody just sit there and do this so I brought it up in my Shabbos table and people gave different answers I said I'll tell you what I think it is because it requires nothing on our part you just sit there and let it hit you and it's just total escapism and you don't have to do anything it doesn't require anything you know when you read you have to use your imagination you have to what the characters are like etc and a person who reads and really enjoys a book and then they make it into a into a movie they're very disappointed because that's not how I pictured it you know I know there was a tremendous backlash against the Harry Potter movies have you ever heard of this was a popular series of books that came out it's woman JK Rowling wrote the first one on the back of napkins in a luncheonette and she wrote the last one in her castle in Scotland so evidently quite a few people read this you know and they were in the movies it's not how I pictured it you know I'm very disappointed because at least it allows me to use my imagination to think to this and now you just sit there and things just happen to you you let things happen to you and you have no control over it you don't know what you're gonna see or what is gonna say and you'll suddenly get a vision and you have to live with that for the rest of your life because you'll never get it out of your head you know we lose real relationships we lose people we lose time we lose everything you know this girl had a friend she said to her I haven't seen you you know and social media so they got rid of my Facebook account got rid of my Twitter account I got rid of my snapshot account my Instagram account you know I got rid of my email you know I'm totally disconnected it's not girl's sister them what do you do so what do I do I finally have a life she says really can I use it in candy crush what else do I need a life for it the username candy crush you know or whatever game is out there today you know this is well this is what we do our time with and we let ourselves get pulled into these illusions and worlds of make-believe and people were typing by themselves in a little dark room to somebody in a chat room you are my best friend you understand me better than anyone Big W I don't even know this person is could be some 45 year old strange guy pretending to be a 17 year old girl I don't even know who it is and I let myself get sucked into this world that's illusion you know yeah it could happen with other things too good app guy said to me you know spoiler alert in case you ever plan to be Harry Potter books it there the book six Dumbledore dies this guy says to me when I read about Dumbledore dying I cried he looks at me and says I didn't cry when my grandfather died I said why should you you were more attached to Dumbledore than your grandfather they were more emotionally invested you'd been with him for six books how much time do you spend with your grandfather you know we can we allow the the Demio and we allow the fantasy just to take us over and go into this world of make-believe instead of being able to live reality real people real lines I need to say a thing they did a study of a thousand students around the world and they cut them off from all their technology they experience the same withdrawal symptoms as a person coming off of heroin or cocaine that's the level of addiction and that's why they write about people who keep half Shabbos they keep Shabbos with a text they just can't help and then you see these people texting while they're driving and I don't have to tell you the stories of what happens you know lives that are lost and terrible injuries that take place because I couldn't stop I just couldn't stop peace of mind means I'm okay with Who I am where I am with what I have you have these news junkies will go to these news sites they have to check in every five minutes like something just happened that I didn't hear about you know don't worry about it anything major happens you'll hear about it there's a nuclear explosive you'll either hear about it or it really won't make that much of a difference you know I mean it'll all be over you know everyone's are worried don't have to worry peace of mind simcha I know that I have everything that I need and the most important thing is me and I relate to people around me instead I want to share my blanket instead I want to be that brother instead of have that brother I want to be able to live my life where I know that I'm living it for real and I'm not living a technical experience I don't know if it's still around there used to be a website called Second Life where you create a avatar of yourself and you give this person a job and you give him a family and giving this people would spend hours a day playing their make-believe life and let their own life slip away how can illusion ever be as important as reality and all of the sins of mankind come from that sense of illusion ya have a looks at the tree at the sides well that looks good and it would taste good and it would be enjoyable and it would make me happy and it's just an illusion and it's those illusions that strip us of life and make it slip away we read this week about the beginning of the Jewish people lake lacar to go on a journey together to go and accomplish something to be able to live a real and that's what's changed the world every one of us is on that label huh every one of us is on that journey I mean one of us has an opportunity to make ourselves the best people that we can and if we let us how to slip away into a world of make-believe the end of our lives we'll have nothing to show for it but illusion but the high score in some game that nobody cares about bye bye friends who may not even exist six hundred friends who want to look at your pictures as opposed to having those one or two real friends who will be with you for the rest of your life people who know you and understand you and care about you life is too short to let it slip away into an illusion let's take advantage of it while we have it thank you very much [Applause]