Chassidus Wednesday | Torah Ohr Parsha Vayechi - Yehudah Atah # 2

thank you foreign [Music] good morning everybody while come there's more swarim here if anybody needs tight um [Music] because I'm sorry about yesterday that there was no class I was just not feeling well and with the Fest and I had to give a woman's class I realized that I'm not infinite yet we're all infinite but you have to know where you are you know spiritually we're all infinite but the body keeps the score as they say so I don't know if everybody's on the group but if you're not on the group there's always an announcement if you have WhatsApp you could just join the group because there was an announcement if there's no sheer okay we started Monday morning the first nightmare of the balatanya and parishes page 89 we learned the first paragraph the first ice I'm holding the second one today's class is dedicated by Deb David abulafia in honor of the Torah May the light of Taylor Inspire world leaders into expanding Freedom sustenance and good spiritual activities for the benefit of all mankind are Maine what a beautiful blessing also dedicated by Cindy benaloon in honor of her beloved husband and tribute to his birthday from any long happy and healthy years and dedicated by Lisa Rubin in memory of her father thank you very very much to summarize what we learned he began that Yehuda comes from the word when he was born Leia said now I will be grateful I will be thankful I'm going to thank like maidim like I thank you as we say it's a form of thanks in other words yehudah captures the quality of gratitude and it's connected to the idea of submission and surrender and acquiescence and has different meanings but the main point here is the Gratitude to thanks and the balatanya said that Yehuda is something that is is defined it's it's a quality that exists in all of nashama's Israel and all of the Jewish people in fact you know that our name for eternity is named for Yehuda not for any other of the tribes you want to ask how do you call a Jew a Jew is a yehudi the Jewish people are called yehudim right also in other languages jahud Ukrainian jid jid you remember give me money it all comes from Yehuda Judah in English Jews the word Jews people don't realize Jewish Jews it comes from Judah now in the Tamara called the Israel in the magillus Esther were called yehudim the first time and there's a reason for it because the ten tribes were exiled before the destruction of the frisbee around 150 years before majority of the Jewish people that were left were from the other two tribes Yehuda and binyamin so the mcgilla sister which was written in Persia after the destruction of the first base America before the Jews came back started to come back to actually surround most of them didn't come back so therefore over there they're dominant quality the dominant I would say tribe of the Jewish people was binyamin but also Yehuda so they called Yehuda you hudim even though mardika himself and Esther right ishimini which is Benjamin and estheroso was a descendant of uh of shulham who came from binyamin but but the the title of the Jewish people is Yehuda so so the the family of royalty but there's also a deeper element and that is that to be a Jew is somebody who lives with a sense of gratitude and it's not easy because naturally you know there's always what to complain about and for good reasons but to be a Jew is to be in a state of of somebody I know is a doctor he lives in Lakewood his name is Dr Leibowitz it's about sugar many years I think Harvard Medical School so you want to share the story he was in the hospital an African-American woman an elderly woman or middle-aged woman was brought in cardiac arrest and the hospital staff the doctors worked on her for close to uh a half an hour or 40 minutes and they couldn't get to pulse they couldn't get any sign of life so they declared her dead he came into the hospital then and he saw the commotion and he said he doesn't know why but he had an instinct that he should go try so after they all left the room there was nothing to do he started to work on her and there was indeed he saw that it was futile but he said there's a voice in him that said don't stop and after 45 minutes he got back a pulse like please somebody said he brought it back to life and her life was safe she was in the hospital for another few weeks she recovered and she was ready to be discharged so before she was discharged from the hospital he came in to say goodbye to her it was obviously very emotional because she was literally brought back from the dead and in fact all the doctors that worked on her declared her dead so she was brought back from the dead twice you know she was dead when she came in and then the doctors you know gave her a second death sentence so he said he said that this African-American black woman looked at her and said how do I thank you how do I thank you what am I supposed to do to thank you say thank you I could say thank you so he says it's obvious that every milestone in my family every birthday that we celebrate every anniversary that we celebrate every New Year's party every Thanksgiving dinner every Milestone of the family you know weddings happy occasions I'm gonna get up and make a toast for Dr Leibowitz who allowed me to be able to be here that's for sure but that's not enough she says really what I should do is every step that I take actually I'm gonna I'm gonna say thank you Dr lieberwitz thank you Dr lipowitz thank you Dr every step so he said when he she told us to him he thought to himself you could learn from her the shot in The Madras it says not just every soul but every breath for every breath breath you have to be able to say thank you you may have seen my clip I did on Hanukkah about the how many breaths we breathe a minute and an hour and a day and 80 years 90 years so he said he learned from her every time I take a step every time I I could move every time I'm breathing in oxygen every time my biological system is functioning to be able to say thank you somebody sent me an interesting thing just this morning an email there's a there's a there was one of the reasoning it's known as the reikayak he lived in worms in Germany he's known as from worms from worms worms in Germany he was one of the great sages of Germany in the 12th century the 1100s he has a commentary it's called he has a safer now he was one of the leaders of ashkenazic jury he was a student when you mix things you make a beautiful compound in any case so in his commentary and how much this person set me impartial to vayate it says that when Yehuda was born Leia said now hapam now this time I'll thank Hashem and then she stopped giving birth so he says why'd you stop giving birth because she said now I'm gonna give thanks really Every Breath You should give thanks not now suddenly with yahudah she said oh now it's time to give thanks and he says really Every Breath You should give thanks it's also interesting it comes from him because he had a very very difficult life he describes this is not common for somebody who lived in the 1100s he described how two thugs came into his house and they murdered two of his children in front of his eyes and his wife in front of his eyes and he was saved he writes to sinners in his in his swatham he even says what he was doing while he was while they while they came into the house so when you read such a commentary for him you know the context of the person it's it's very it's very intense why am I mentioning this because the balatanya also discusses the hapam and he says we live in a world of time and people are always changing you can't compare a person in the morning to a person in the evening a person in one type of day to another type of day people are always changing he says the way the soul is rooted in a place that's beyond time it's yahuda with a youth which means it's always happening is always in a state of Idaho but in the world of man where we are vulnerable to the vicissitudes and fluctuations and shinoy you can't compare this hapam now I experience that's the Hapa and what creates that thankfulness said it's the first three brothers after you cultivate the qualities of rubination that's what yakubavido means on his Deathbed it's your brothers your three first brothers that allow you to emerge into the world that allow yahuda to be born and for this he started the explanation at length The Driven shipment and Levy in yehudi represent four stages in avoidance relationship with Hashem they represent four stages in davening and the first is Reuben and Roven comes from the word seeing see my child when Ruben was born Leia said Hashem saw my pain now hopefully my my husband will acquire affection to me and what does this mean the balatanya said seeing here is a form of affection when I see something and I cherish it and I appreciate it seeing in the form of not just hearing about something in an abstract way but really connecting to it noticing it seeing it and when you see something that's really mesmerizing and exciting you become glued to it in a way that few things can impact a person it could be a piece of art it could be a human being everybody knows right somebody mentioned sometimes you see a certain type a certain person or a certain piece of art or a certain reality something in nature and and you're just you're mesmerized by it you can't take your eyes off it the beauty the the art the the physique the structure the symmetry the the aesthetical beauty of it the person is literally consumed they call it mesmerized it's almost like you don't want to tear yourself away from it you know you keep on on looking and steering and gazing that's a very deep form of connection says that the whole davening was created by gazal for this this purpose to gaze at the glory of the king what does it mean to gaze not to gaze at God because I can't gaze at God physically with my physical eyes but that the relationship should be one that's as powerful as when you see something and it becomes really entrenched in your psyche and in your heart seeing is believing ain't it literia right you can hear and hear but it's not like C and he says the whole purpose of davony wasn't just to say words and make people repeat Praises of Hashem the hopesuke the zebra from the beginning from haidu or in ashkenas but for our discussion it's not relevant you start with how do you start with Barak Sharma but the whole but uh so you start with what I do so that's why I'm doing it that way but it's the same they could do however you do if it's the same point Rebel Shapiro once said whether you start with how you doing the main thing is on the same page that's very deep it's the main thing is he was a diplomatic leader so he dealt with a lot of different people she said the main thing is the main thing is on the same page is they're still fighting it's worthless so what's the point the whole Indian of sukhadism he says not just to say words make people say words or just to repeat the same thing say praise Hashem once and say thank you Dr Leibowitz you know thank you everybody one thank you could be more powerful than saying thank you a thousand times the point is to engage the person to really engage the person almost to like go into a new reality to go into a cocoon that requires mental mental awareness mental space the a person obviously if I'm angry and upset and anxious and overwhelmed and I'm running somewhere it can't happen that's why it says you know you have to prepare yourself and open your mind and clear your head clear your heart [Music] it's a meditative it's it's a serious meditative experience and the point is the seeing is what creates love when you have that connection when you can really see me when you can really notice me when you can really observe really really observe he says the result of that is that was the main point and he went into different details about the different points of davening and now let's continue inside yeah because we spoke about everything as the the whole darling is there to lead up to vahafta Reuben to bring to love uh somebody somebody's in the middle of being mesmerized by davening so they're not noticing their phone so what's he we said that the davening was the Prett because real arva is connection and connection is not an intellectual robotic experience you know artificial intelligence they're teaching artificial intelligence how to love AI is going to love you too what do you have to have a real relationship because they don't get into bad moods huh they could get into moods also emotional that's what they're saying now yeah yeah he says a very powerful thing that knowledge all the knowledge in the world is not what creates love the god of also praised Hashem right please help me in my canaver but he will continue stealing why because that's what knowledge without internalization is without real self-awareness the ability of seeing is not just that I know things it's not knowing information a person could know everything I could know and study and have all the information he said that's not the Dakota of davening it's connecting with it it's like a relationship I'm dancing with it I get lost in it literally get lost in it you don't want it to end so there's an element of ecstasy you know sometimes you hear a nigging you don't want it to end you want to stay with it it opens you up to a different type of connection a different type of relationship that's your oven but here comes another point a very powerful point in roof doesn't just say love it says love with all your hearts also the mission says what does it mean with all your heart not with half your heart with both of you yitzhar and both of your inclinations as the missioner says what does this means literally it means Sahara we have a positive inclination we have a negative inclination somehow I want to be able to include both of them transform both of them so he explains that the love should be a love that's defined as the love of about truva what does that mean what does it mean the love of balchova the average should be in a state of chuva what does this mean s don't make the mistake that shuva is about Sin in other words somebody who has a various hospital um somebody who sin to transgress made a mistake made an error have to do sugar I have to repent I have to apologize I have to have remorse foreign why children means repentance that's what trouble means in English repentance means I repent for something wrong that I did he says but that's not really what Trevor means in English they translate it as repentance but that's not the translation of true means return not repentance foreign what sugar really means is to restore its restoration of the soul back to its pristine source that's what truth is true is a form of restoration it's bringing back my nashama to where it was to where it belongs to where it originates to where its Essences to Anchor it re-anchor it in its own Makkah in its own church like a tree that's been disconnected and you so to speak with what's disconnected is this connected but in this bring it back to its roots it should be rooted in its own source what is its source he says it was completely clueless submerged in its matzo the matsul is the one who emanated the soul Hashem and bound up mamish with Hashem but it it descended from its place of glory and it came in to a material incarnation see his subtle definitions here the most sensitive soul and a person who's connected to their soul with all of the spiritual comprehensions all the spiritual antennas that the soul has and therefore experiences and comprehends and detects in its body all of these are sagas all of these levels of awareness the Consciousness that it's capable of it's within the territory it's within the realm of time and space when really the soul comes from a place that transcends time and space like he said earlier it's always now now I'm going to do it there's a difference between now and an hour ago and an hour from now now tomorrow [Music] because I live I live in a defined realm of and it's not just I live there I don't even know of anything else I'm a product of it I live in space I live in time Shiva but really the soul is not a product of time and space really the soul is not a product of a certain time or a certain space we experience things that way now it's 8 15 in the morning it's not 9 15 in the morning it's at 7 15 in the morning my thoughts change my Sensations change my pressure's changed I'm in a specific space and it's not just physical space it's all the different spaces you're in but really the soul is rooted in Infinity Mama's Beyond time and space and that's what the soul is but the soul is living in a reality that is filled with those limitations and even it's in other words even its spiritual sensitivities become defined by that point you're right that's what he's going to say is therefore it's a story of life truth is not I sinned I have to say I'm sorry that's also if I made a mistake I have to say I'm sorry and apologize truth is really the story of returning who doesn't have to return how do you how do you restore it the first thing is you have to cry to cry out but I'm trying but this is from the Posse of Zion right that the balship instituted to say air of Shabbos before they say you know why because if you went through the week and you came to Shabbos you probably went through the sea you went through the desert you went through prison and you went through illness so you have to now say thank you that's why it's comes from the word uh from there but salaham from their um yeah from the tightness but it was like at Sora the word sorrow comes the word Tsar right like the donkey of billum was in a makam sorry a very narrow space restriction and constriction so from that sar from the fact that it's so angered so tight it's so difficult you scream out get me out of here says how do you begin to restore the Soul by its AKO the soul needs to cry out but Tire lab it's so tight it's literally tight get me out of this place I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired foreign being in such limitations is just too too narrow for me because it's not who I am if it was who I am then I would be very comfortable if I'm in a closet and I belong in a closet I'm very comfortable in the closet right it's a famous Marshall I told you once it's a beautiful metaphor there was a there was an old farmer and he was walking around the fields and the Farms after a huge storm and he saw an abandoned destroyed nest of an eagle you know nests get destroyed in storms it's sad how all the nests get destroyed the birds worked so hard to build them and then a storm comes boom but he saw there was one egg in the nest that still looked viable so with out of compassion he he retrieved the egg and he brought it into his chicken coop and he put it there in the coop so the chicken she was late she was sitting on all the eggs she sat on this egg too she warmed it up and indeed it hatched and a little guy came out and he was with all of his brothers and sisters the roosters and the chickens and he hung out with them a chicken like all chickens and what do chickens do they walk a whole day and they look at the ground and they look for food they look for seeds you know chickens walk around there you maybe have some of them in your garden here a month see they walk around and they look for their food this is what he did his whole life anyway he became an old man and one day all the chickens were standing there and he too and he lifted up his head and he saw an eagle a majestic eagle flying across the horizons and he gave a sigh and he said ah if I only would have been an eagle so he's the only one who gave out that sigh these chickens didn't sigh why not what do you think because they were chickens they weren't Eagles he was an eagle the very fact that you're crying out about your limitations that's the first sign that's the first sign that you're not defined by it we don't give credit enough to the rights Aku stage get me out of here when I'm out of here I'm free saying something deeper than that when you're out of here you're free but Freedom begins when you scream about the fact that you're not out of here the very frustration the very outcry the very tears that I shed for the limiting state that I'm in for the incarceration that my soul is experiencing that's because it's Tsar at least at least it's tight at least should I scream repentance courage someone said he once said you're having that if you live in somebody's house if somebody's living in your in somebody's house for three years so that's called hazaka you didn't we're not talking about if there was a deed there's no deed the deed was lost so the fact that you were there three years in the house and the owner did not protest even once did they make a Maha this is Allah a good sign that you're not a squatter but it's your house you say you sold it to me or you gifted it to me or you sold it to somebody who sold it to me it's fine it's called said he said sometimes somebody moves into your soul and he becomes a squatter and he takes over your life he says you don't always have control over that all you have to make why didn't you make wisdom you have a squatter he took over you so I got it he took over your heart very powerful word why didn't you make a Mahal three years doesn't mean you get rid of him I can't get rid of him he's a bully he's a mafios I can't but why didn't you make a protest should I say this guy is a god of tell somebody intro you were quiet is that what I mean something else that means he's not a squatter the soul is sensitive to the fact that this is a place of Tsar it's a place where it's been Ang it's too narrow for me I don't belong here my expansiveness is beyond this mustafas I can't always change every reality but I can protest protest is a very powerful thing I'm not talking about all the protests in Israel that you have to know which protests but the the inner protest the inner outcry is very powerful the balcatta once said the Malcolm shirts the place where you want to be that's where you are right think about that I'm not there I want to be there no he says that's where you are that's real but I'm not there that's where you really are it may take time you have to cultivate it you have to deal with resistance with obstacles the place which place which place is too narrow for him any place the soul doesn't live in place on this it says why are we always talking about that I took you out of Egypt he says because mitzrayim really means mates are goodness mates are the word mitsarayim is not of only a physical country on the map in Africa called Egypt that too but mitzrayim is a paradigm a time from the word Matson mitsari mukvulum mates are his boundaries you're in boundaries you're constricted you're restricted you're incarcerated you're stuck in walls and you can't get out of it that's called him and I cry out I cried I make a Maha I don't belong there I don't want to be here even though I'm here but I don't want to be here why don't I want to be here I want to be an eagle I want to fly I don't want to be here EarthBound this sense of Meritus literally means bitterness like murder but here he doesn't mean that you're bitter here he means I'm frustrated I'm I'm I'm upset I'm hurt that's what Meridius means which is what kind of Meritus there's a sense of bitterness bitterness in the sense when you say a bitter person it's like a person who's just bitter and negative and angry but here he means the bitterness descendants of frustration the frustration The Angst The Angst that a person has this magnifies the love to the Divine much strongerly scalable in Southborough to go back to be submerged where you really are and ain't safe in Infinity like the light that's born from the darkness when negative energy is harnessed to become a catalyst for positive growth there's no positivity that is as powerful as that it says in kahelas that I have seen very easy that there is an advantage to wisdom over Folly like the advantage of light over Darkness so desire says the only one who saw this he says I saw that wisdom is greater than Folly and light is greater than Darkness everybody disagrees with what he means is the wisdom that comes from folly and the light that comes from Darkness not that there's history light is greater than dark for that was telling you is that there's no light like the light that comes from Darkness that's the light is in the sense that people use it today you're about true your ffb you're a B Team he means baltuvi here it's not it's not it's not about how many sins I did how many sins I didn't do that's included in it of course but it's the state of about truva somebody who uses the very very frustration from being incarcerated in a difficult space and that outcry that outcry fuels a sense of love and an appreciation and enthusiasm that can't happen without it that's only about sugar just got transformed that may not happen but my love comes with my eight Sahara don't be afraid of it's a hard day it's a harder it may create an outcry that creates a very powerful love that's what means it's gone it's eliminated I'm all good and holy and holistic and I have no I have no issues anymore that's not what it means means the love comes from your entire heart from the negative too from the narrowness foreign but the fact is that somebody that goes through these things their appreciation and their connection is much deeper yeah of course much larger definition because about trouble like he says it is for every single person because every person's soul goes through the trauma of leaving Infinity and becoming defined by time and space now how deep is that trauma that's every person's life is different for one Soul the entire trauma is time and space that's it that's the trauma time and space that's that's that's not that's not that's not a small trauma according to the alternative it's the source of all traumas not a small one it sounds a big deal right time and space that's your problem when you understand what a soul is it's not a small deal it's not made of that that's uh that's the evil kaity that all of my spiritual sensitivities are filtered through time and space which for the soul is a very painful experience but that snowballs into many other experiences as a soul has where it becomes it's not only defined by time and space but it could become stuck in certain experiences in a particular time in a particular space and that becomes my identity and the Soul knows it's not its identity and maybe the whole its whole life it struggles with trying to liberate itself from that but this also tells you something else and obviously we have to say it in a sensitive way and that is sometimes people look at their Darkness as the greatest curse of their life if only this and this and this would have not occurred to me when I was a child or when I was a teenager etc etc how much more Blissful and normal my life would have been and there's a truth to that but there's also another truth and that is that the love that comes from the darkness has a different type of love there's there's an awareness there's a connection there's there's a relationship that comes only from transformation that cannot be experienced without that so in that sense the person has to also be able to to to appreciate that the fact that my soul has has been imprisoned so deeply and it's cry is so so painful but if it's crying and if it's yearning and if it's searching for that transformation just know that the love that you will experience is unparalleled and this can only happen when the soul came down into this world and went through what it went through this doesn't make things easy this is not too romanticize and and uh whitewash you know very difficult experiences but but with with but it gives us a very deep deep understanding and appreciation that you see certain people who went through certain things there's a light there's a love inside of them that you can't find anywhere else why precisely because the outcry divides alcohol is a different valid Sako seems like Auto rep doesn't speak about sugar like in a sense of repentance at all he speaks in true about Freedom yeah Sugar means freedom restoration free yourself yeah free yourself from every day book from everything that got attached to me and became a counterfeit identity it became a substitute to my real identity to be able to free myself and literally return to the place I have to know where I'm lost you know when they meet a child they say you know where do you live well today remember the truth always means you have to know where you came from because if not somebody says where do you live if you don't know the address they don't know where to take you what's your name where do you live who's your mother who's your father so I have to know where I come from to be able to have children so true is not just a situation of you know I did something wrong so I'm repenting if I don't have to do sugar much better no he says chuva is is the story of Life the Story Of Life of to know where you're going exactly yeah it's a GPS of life God's positioning system yeah they they draw to him their moisture their with much more vigor with much more intensity why because it's the darkness that creates the intensity when I'm being drawn to you only in a positive way it's it's beautiful but when the darkness is the impetus of the relationship there's an intensity there that comes from the darkness yeah from the other comes from yeah it is a revelation in a very real way and the person saw achhagame foreign that the life of the body and the animal soul and their faculties become transformed and they return to Hashem and darkness is transformed to light because all of them are now part of the relationship there's no part that's amputated there's no like oh my darkness I I don't acknowledge it I don't know about it it all becomes part of the love I don't look at the different parts of my animal Consciousness without Christ I struggle with and say you know I wish you weren't here bring them into the relationship even if only in the fact that they create the Catalyst for the frustration for The Angst for the yearning they tell you where you want to get out of that's a very very big thing we don't appreciate so much our negativity [Music] I don't want this to come out of the wrong way but we we don't appreciate so much our negativity he's telling you have to appreciate your Nega your so-called negative Parts too those voices in you that you're trying to get rid of they play a very important role in life because they create a catalyst for transformation they create a calling they create an outcry they created but they create the basar the bats are and when that becomes the springboard for growth it's a different level of growth it's a different level of transformation you're typhus you understand after this piece you're still embarrassed or a legal the same bad words just a cultural thing that should be um [Music] because in Russia you know you keep an experience if you don't call the Saints the things you know so we're used to the fact that we call things the things and it could be very negative perceived and especially by Americans because they would think that yeah he's cursing interesting question I once saw a teaching from RAF cooking cook and he said there are people who have a proclivity to lie and exaggerate about everything you know there's people when they tell a story you know that 50 of the story never happened so he says they have a zim you know to everything is ah exaggerate dramatize build up stories that never happened or at least embellish them in ways that are unrecognizable so probably it's for validation purposes they want to the validation of the public you know if I could tell a juicy story I'm going to get everybody's attention whatever it is they want to enthrall the people they need it for their identity but he says something very interesting so this many years ago he says it's a quality that you shouldn't demonize and you shouldn't eliminate he says you just have to know where to use it exaggerate and dramatize the greatness of your soul when you're talking about your soul exaggerated and he says as much as you exaggerate you won't even scratch the surface of how great it is so that's what you should do with the nibble petals so yeah yeah a lot of Russians have it it's not just you it's a cultural thing in Russia and they have curse words that no other languages have developed it yeah one of the richest languages especially when it comes to cursing I know I know I grew up in a culture of a lot of Russian Jews I'm familiar with it both of my parents come from Russia so the answer is when we have that it's really an opportunity to be able to take that intensity and harness it in positive words take those words and say I'm going to take those words and harness it the same energy the same intensity and positive words find the Russian Express Expressions so for this you'll go to Yiddish or music or music the point is that whatever intensity I'm experiencing it's not something just to look at this is the curse of my life no this is the opportunity of my life because this first of all tells me what to work on it gives me tremendous awareness and furthermore it's this very very angst and frustration that allows the outcry and the yearning and The Liberation that creates a whole different level of love but as long as I put the darkness and context of light not the light in the context of Darkness that's not always simple in other words the darkness takes me over you know if the chicken decides he's a chicken there's no Maha then it's the opposite so but the person has to be able to mobilize all of it as part of my it's part of my love and relationship and now he comes and he says something amazing about your oven why did Leia called ruven Hashem God saw my pain now my husband will love me so literally it's translated Hashem sees my pain I'm not liked he gave me a child and hopefully jakov will say you know what I have a good wife he says it's not two separate things it's directly connected Hashem saw my onyi Oni is my pain my poverty pirush Leia saying as follows it's through my Ani through my pain through my angst marudi is my difficulties my challenges H which is The Angst of the Soul because of these experiences that are difficult should be sarusa that a person feels inside of them raw Hashem God responds upon Him upon him the face that I show to the water is showing back to me it's also true with a person in Hashem in the face I show his the face I get back yes A different light that I perceive from Hashem he sees me in a different way the love is in a different way it's not just true Within Myself that your love is much deeper when it's fueled by Darkness that's true but it's also my Ani creates a raw Hashem God sees me in a different way his love is different comes from above is completely different there's a relationship that is unparalleled to any other relationship and he starts loving me like a real husband Hashem not just a reflection of ourselves because of the onyi what does it mean he's going to love me is she means my husband but really what does the word ishi mean in Hebrew there's two words for my husband Bali and ishi right you remember the nivu and haishaya that day you're going to stop calling me my husband you're gonna stop calling me Bailey you know start calling me ishi what's the difference was it was if I call my husband wife calls her husband Bali what does Bali mean my master my bowel what does ishi mean My Fire ishi right actually it's a different relationship so he says one day you're going to call me isi my husband Peter she is you're my fire is she is what does it mean you're my fire listen to what he says what does it mean so literally you'll say I'm passionate about you like you create passion in me you're my fire towards you so there's something much deeper but I know usually passion and the object of passion are two things I'm on fire towards you you're not my fire if you were my fire I wouldn't be on fire I'm on fire towards you I want you I have a fire and that fire is towards you I'm on fire towards you the passion and the object of the passion are two things if she says there's a convergence foreign the yearning that comes from below towards the higher like it says your desire will be towards ishek towards your husband he is my fire Tia this desire that you have because you are my father because I become submerged in the light of infinity so that he becomes my fire and she's changed her sad face the the the the pain is transformed like it says his right arm Embraces me what's an embrace when I grip somebody a real Embrace you're inside of me the escalus you're not separate of me you're like so to speak inside of me viscala is Gilead inside the Revelation and the desire become completely won so it's not just you will love me but the love is going to be ishi that you become my fire doesn't mean you become my fire not just that I'm fiery about you that I'm passionate about you but that the passion and you become actually one in other words the passion creates a true true Unity a true true type of Oneness you are my passion like the breath that's inside of me that's how deep the Oneness is like the book The Scholar was the Gila so Leia says Hashem saw on ye what's on you is every person's own limitations and pain so that creates a different type of Rod different type of seeing my pain creates a different type of seeing different type of relationship from Hashem and what does it expressed that the love is a different type of love but yeah vadi is not just you like me you love me it's in a way of ishi complete Oneness where I could say you are my fire isn't that lady we'll soon see what Levy is explain [Music] right usually we look there's two things there's me and I want to be real I want to be authentic I also want to be connected to you you know I want to have a friend I want to have a relationship I want to have a spouse I want to have a good marriage I want a relationship with Hashem are they two's opposites are they two different things there's me and there's you so some say yeah you have to compromise you know you want to be in a relationship you know relax your authenticity some people will say I can't stay married I'm too authentic a guy left me a message yesterday I'm too authentic I can't stay married huh Ms I'm I'm I am not you I have to compromise compromise compromise now you have to understand what he's saying right there's obviously a pain here huh it could be narcissistic but if before you get here we we have to appreciate the tension that sometimes my relationship demands for me to sacrifice my authenticity and it's very difficult it's extremely difficult because you're not me you don't want what I want right you don't maybe have my interests you're a different type of person and if I'm in a relationship with you you I have to consider you all the time 24 hours a day in a marriage it's constant it's not because you know twice a week you're going out for lunch you know you have a friend you go out for lunch twice a week fine it's it's a constant relationship so that's that tension is a very very deep tension so here the balatonya is saying something I have a fire towards you I have some passion but what does ishi mean ishi means that you become my fire you become my fire so that means that in the Ultimate Reality of a powerful relationship the two are not only not a contradiction the two converge seamlessly and that's what he means when he says what does ishi mean this Chuka that I have this desire that I have becomes becomes be penises I become one with you is you become that fire [Music] you want to tell us how to do this ah it takes work this takes work it's not I can't snap my finger this this is a very mature it's a very deep relationship with the fact that you're constricted yeah if not it's going to contradict my authenticity if I'm not aware of the challenge it's going to contradict my authenticity I have to bring in all of the voices into that relationship now you have to have a partner here with Hashem you have a partner you have to have a partner you understand what I'm saying but if he says with Hashem you bring it if you don't bring in all the voices into the relationship it's not going to be authentic you have to bring in your Darkness into the relationship Hashem is not afraid of it he says oh really wow let me see that he says he'll see you even more he's not afraid of that he's not afraid of that some people are afraid of that don't tell that to me but if you can't tell it to me then I can't accept it I can't incorporate it so this is where you have to you know take us to the tangle but the nakuda here is that what happens in this relationship in this relationship it's not just I have a desire and that desire is fueled by my voices of Darkness he says it becomes to the point of yehavani ishi the love is that she says ishi you become my fire you are my fire in other words my fire and you become completely one well that's that's a wow that's a wow in a relationship my fire and you become one you are issue not just I have a fire towards you your definition I Define you as my fire why am I defining you as my fire by defining you as my passion because my my Oneness with you yeah is we become really one [Music] how do you define how do you how do you define this in experience and this happens through the darkness without the darkness you wouldn't have yevanish you would think it's the opposite you know we're just two sweet people everything works that's where you have it he says no but only now without the onyi you're not going to have this issue turns out that Leia developed a certain depth with yaakov that became very powerful you see that Yakov is buried with her we're not with he also lived most of his life with her something happens in the process it's not a simple process naturally Jacob is with Rahul right he likes but but Leia this is the greatness of Leia because of the Ani because of the rashem there's a different type of this Parts in every relationship that causes pain foreign it's unspeakable but here he's talking about it so maybe it is speakable we call it unspeakable because we're embarrassed by it but Dr Deb is saying that's not love father if you're not bringing your whole heart into the process it's not going to be love it's going to be counterfeit love or it's going to be I should say count it's going to be very limited love for you and me to become one where I say you are my fire in other words my desire is so deep that I'm happy to become submerged in the Oneness of infinity and that becomes my very identity that can only happen when I bring in all of my challenges that tear me away from the relationship why doesn't the relationship undermine my authenticity the answer is because I'm infinite I will really separate if me and Hashem were really two separate things Oneness and authenticity would be a contradiction either I'm with you around me I need my space what do they call it safe spaces what do they have in college huh I need a safe space don't get in my space and it's important in life people need boundaries you know sometimes empaths people are empaths I saw a book it's called the the empaths guide to survival an empath is somebody who picks up everybody's energy you go to a wedding and you come home and you're tired for like two weeks another person goes to a wedding they leave the wedding they forgot they were there another person goes to a wedding for two weeks they're dealing with everybody's energy it's called an empath if your kids are empaths you probably have a lot of you have good times with them if you're an empath it's a different type of life so the survival and empath survival you have to know how to survive because you pick up everybody's energy and you blame yourself somebody's in a bad mood now you're in a bad mood and you think you're a miserable person you're not you just hung around people it's a sensitive thing an empath if you're not an empathist you're lucky what's my point my point is in life we need spaces we need boundaries you sometimes have to say that I can't be here now I can't but a relationship with ain't safe ultimately is a relationship within a shama in its truest space it's not a competition and that's what a real marriage is and that's why Adam and Java were created as one and then they were separated the ramban says why didn't Hashem create man and woman like he did with animals a male horse a female horse a lion and a lioness why did he create Adam and then separate them and the answer is because if not marriage would never be authentic you understand it would be a compromise of me and that's a correct that's a big question can a relationship be one that really doesn't take away my authenticity if it's really bringing me back to me that's amazing but if not not so other men haven't were created as one another would you go and back to yourself spiritually it means you're going back to ain't safe seller Miller Kim whether nashama screams out from the darkness where's it it's going back to its source so you are my fire it's not separate thing it's not I want and then there's you and the question is how much are you gonna you know drive me crazy and how much can I incorporate you you become easy your definition is my fire that's your definition your tough is what I'm saying it's a little abstract huh you typhus suppose that only now without any won't happen they'll always they'll always be a part of you that's separate That's The Power of Love The Power of Love is ishi don't call me Bali Bali is my master there's something a person who takes care of me but there's a separateness there's a dissonance you know you're on top I'm on bottom you give me you you like me I I appreciate everything that's one level ishi ishi is you're my fire this complete Oneness that's even deeper that's what we learned so my very desire to you could become submerged in you to the point that there is there's that level of fusion that's what happened is so the Chuka the desire creates a Gilroy ain't served there's a complete revelation of the ancient the person's soul but it's not always like that that when you decide something becomes part of you yeah yeah but here he's saying that the desire is his scholarless it's a desire that that transcends the separateness it's not I desire you anymore it's the it's the the I desire becomes you we merge that only happened because any because because the Cry of the restrictions brought it to another level in very practical terms it means this at least part of what it means is in a relationship when you could bring into the relationship the parts that separate you from each other which is not easy to bring in and only try this at home if you know what you're doing and with the proper guidance but if you can bring into a relationship the parts that separate you that endanger the relationship the parts that cause you distance pain the parts that say and they frustrate you they frustrate you because they undermine they undermine who you are they undermine your connection you feel you feel stuck you feel negative you feel dark you feel like you can't express yourself you feel like you feel a part of you is Dead a part of you is angry if you could bring that into the relationship and there's somebody who could bring it to I don't mean somebody's going to tell you you're mashugana to somebody that you could bring it into there's somebody who could see it rashem right what that does is it allows the very you the very you to be connected in an unparalleled way that's true it's a therapist talking he says in order to get there you first have to make room in yourself for all those parts [Laughter] in other words you have to accept it if you're not if you're not aware of it or you're just criticizing it or you're just telling yourself how bad you are you know just a miserable Russia marusha and you're a lost case you're not bringing that into a relationship oh you're right it's very hard to do with yourself because the voices of of negativity are so powerful and you always argue with yourself on why am I such a mashuga man and oh you know what I'm not even feeling that you deny that you're feeling it you know and then when you deny it you can't feel it because you're not allowed to feel it so now it's subconscious so it's it's an avoided to really make space for it make space fit and not worship it not make space for it and worship it it becomes your God doesn't it you just make space for it you see what's happening and you say yeah this is my booth my nephe Obama's like he says it these are different parts of me my animal is trying to survive and cope and my soul went went through a whole journey that that's yeah it's all part of it it's things that that got attached to me my soul is not anymore in its source it's it's the beautiful journey of life with all of its pain when I could make space for it I could then bring it into my relationship with God and then I could bring it into my relationship with somebody obviously who I can trust you need somebody that you can trust somebody who wants that somebody who wants that connection with you somebody doesn't want that connection with you they don't that's a pain in and of itself you have to make space for that too but if somebody wants that connection they're ready for that so he says only that creates a connection that is unparalleled where there's no separateness with my fire where like I could say you are my fire in other words my authentic self and my relationship with you have merged that's all oven that's your oven seeing is love real seeing creates vahafta he says seeing what first he spoke about seeing the other seeing Hashem seeing the divine now he says seeing includes seeing everything seeing also the parts that don't love seeing the Ani that's the second part of Roven and that's all the first part of davening that ability because as I'm going through this relationship and davening other things come up too it's not like I start diving and I'm dancing with God there's probably a lot of other thoughts that come up what we call azaris he says it's all part of it that creates the Catalyst for an outcry of knowing who I am and who I'm not and I bring that all in and that creates a difference the next paragraph he goes into shiman and Levy which is the second part of krishman Israel and then he goes to sway NASA which is Yehuda huh need the weeks to meditate them put it through yourself you have to meditate on this because it's not it's not information this is a experience of life it's not just you know data a volunteer of our deer it's the flow of divinity in the world it's like hashem's light energy ah energy yeah energy so it's interesting the point of the mime is not your oven the point of the mind is Yehuda but when that would say my mother he wouldn't speak he would experience it I told you many times would start rolling on the ground literally and he would bump into the walls the walls were made out of cement and plastic it started bleeding so they they cushioned up all the walls so when he bumps into the walls you shouldn't bleed who would review everything and write down to my modem and he didn't want to miss any words and when he was rolling you missed word so he would roll with them literally he would roll after the alternate but not to miss when alter rabbit turned so he missed a few words so in his transcripts he leaves it empty he wouldn't fill in the blanks you know sometimes oh he probably said this so you know that this was Dr never took a turn or something happened that he missed a few words he was a very very big medallic the middle of the memoriam yeah would go into Vegas and he would start rolling and it wasn't he would sit in one place he'd also sit in one place but so my point is that you see in this moment his main point is Yehuda but as he starts talking about your oven he gets lost he could almost see it in the mimer like shimming is going to do very short Levy short very powerful but short removing he starts talking about looking and getting lost he would see he goes into the movement he gets lost and moving which is the point that he's trying to say you get lost in a relationship I don't want it to end it's not like you know what you know when is dominion over I just want to say culturally I know today things have changed Hashem but in the communities with alter never had many to them they made their own Minion and it was one of the causes of the maglikas because you know there's a show nozz and but the reason they did it was it's not a problem you'll not have as many shows as you want but uh culturally it made a lot of it made division but the reason was today already this you know what's called the cross-pollination between all communities but you have to understand there was a culture you still have it today many shows the Rhythm was just absolute coldness davening was was I'm not going to say torture but it was just an exercise in in in in Precision you go in at a certain minute you leave at a certain minute everybody just does exactly what they have to do and you learn this minor it's like it's like imagine you're going to spend the evening with your wife right you say okay we're starting this minute in 32 minutes we're out of here and I'm going to read from notes the whole experience of domining is experiential it's a relationship so some people diving a little slower it's a little faster a person wants to sing a in the middle this person is meditating so there was a reason for it because this is a relationship diving it's a relationship you get lost into it a lot of it is spontaneous the bashant of once said that everything in life you can do when you're called everything can be done without passion everything you could make money you could do everything he says one thing you can you can't create life without passion the bosemite because intimacy creates life and for that that has to be passion has to be warmth so I heard from Adin Steins out he said the balsham to pour the balship he didn't know about artificial insemination he didn't know about that he lived in this in this in the seven in the 18th century didn't know about our friend examination you could create life without passion also but the bosemite was saying is he was saying he was speaking in a certain soul of Manhattan a dingstein sauce one of the biggest modern Orthodox shows in the world actually in Manhattan he spoke shop this morning and he said this is this place reminds me of he was very sharp of an Episcopalian Church everybody knows when they come in everybody knows when they go out and if the sermon is going to be an extra five minutes because there's a guest so you say the kid that she's gonna start five minutes later he says did it ever happen in the history of this show that somebody was a middle of davening and said you know what I can't let go of this paragraph I need to sit with this paragraph another few minutes he says why did it never happen in the history of this rule and this that's what he said this I know from the washroom to be right in you can't create life without passion doesn't happen so he said about somebody didn't know about artificial artificial insemination the technology was in there in the seven in the 18th century the point is saying you could do everything without a heart but if you want to create life was once walking off from the Mitzvah with his students there was no micros they went to the river they went to the river and it was winter so the water turns into ice you know how it is in Russia and Ukraine especially you go to the rivers over there you go to haddish there's a river the Salt River turns into ice in the winter so the Jews who would chop the ice and go to the Mikvah the Liberty used to do that a lot of people people I knew so the balship it's it's freezing no needless to say they came out and they started to walk home walk back to show so there was a Christian there and because the water became ice he engraved that Salem across a chassis of in the in the river and all the time was sought so they were very disturbed that when they came out of the Mikvah this is the first thing they saw because it was by the river so the balship says everything is a lesson it's not a mistake lesson is like this there's nothing in Judaism as holy as water water purifies yeah paraduma is water every mikvah's water Mayim the worst Thomas Thomas mace zov Ziva every tumor in the world water cleanses it Maya Miss Tara he says but if the water gets Frozen it could turn into what Salem so he says remember the holiest thing in the world if it's cold turns into what Salem he gave them perspective you can have somebody that's my military but if it's cold if it's frozen that itself can turn in like the gemara says Sama Mavis the point is that sometimes you can have all the facts set up but there's a coldness there's no relationship there's no fire there's no issue there's no asially it's the fire the h that's what fuels things yeah without fire the water also needs fire the Gamora attacker says stack of fire we couldn't go into fire we go into water libune is in fire right foreign so you have fire and then you have Maya so uh so you see in the mime attacking it's like a little lost speaks moreover moreover moreover because I was thinking of Roven the seeing the being listed I become consumed is that bigger picture ah you're seeing the picture is pointers that sing is not knowledge it's not information seeing is I get lost in something for that you have to be open if I'm very angry and I'm frustrated and I'm anxious I'm not going to get lost in anything I'm just trying to protect myself you understand so seeing is it's it's it's it's openness that's why it's so important to bring in the Ani because if I don't bring that in it's going to stop the scene people ask why is that I have to bring in this whole piece it's essential if I'm davening or I'm in a relationship with you and suddenly I'm feeling anger towards you right or frustration where am I getting lost to be lost in something you have to be free you have to be calm right you don't get lost in something when you're anxious you run away from it you protect yourself you do what you have to do and you leave so only when I could bring my anxiety into it and I could bring the Ani into it then I can actually really see it that's why it's so important you understand what I'm saying you're saying it's safer to do with God because he won't reject you I'm not sure you're right God God doesn't give if you're very honest with yourself is it really safer to do with God what do you say huh depends on a life story so for some people God is not the Ultimate Experience of safety foreign depends what your life is like some people went through stuff and they have got to blame because it wasn't you know and it's very hard I'm just saying it's not so simple but if you can't do it with God it's very hard to do with other people my father and mother abandoned me and God took me in the thing you know with God is that he's not running away from the relationship he's in that you know he's not saying okay let's just get divorced had enough I'll go find somebody else that you know he doesn't do there may be a lot of screaming and bickering that yeah but he's staying in the house in simple English he doesn't have a way to run he doesn't have another house always says the purpose of life it means I don't have another house this is my house your heart that's my house it's really a very beautiful concept it's such a romantic concept basically imagine in a marriage this is my house we have to work it out we have issues you know two people end up in an island with a shipwreck you know that story right we have nowhere to go there's no boat we're here so God says this is my house I don't have enough I don't have anybody else to marry I don't the Angels I'm not going to the angels I'm not going to gun Aiden I'm staying here that that's very powerful that's what you mean I don't have another house I don't have another place I don't have another religion I don't have another husband I don't have another wife all I have is this place that's what creation was all about I'll Peter said this what was creation God said I have one house and that's where I'm staying either we work it out or I don't know there's no uh huh that's what creation creation he didn't have to create a world creation means this is my house this is my house this is my place your heart is my place that's it I don't have another place ever that was the the drama and the beauty of creation there's expression in ramble and hook is true of a paid exam promised yourself the Jews will do Truman they'll be redeemed right away tell you to promise you're gonna do Trevor if you have to do it I can't promise the chat is that in other words this relationship is happening sooner or later there's no he's not running anywhere you know if we sit around the table for enough time screaming at each other and ultimately will start crying and then ultimately we'll start laughing right where else am I going to go I don't have anywhere to go I'm not running out of the door I don't have anywhere else I don't even have the forest okay we'll take a break here so oh so next year will be Friday morning because tomorrow won't be able to okay we'll put it on the what yeah they dive in here a little late so I think we start we have to start uh 7 50 they usually finish 7 45 though we'll start I think 7 50. Friday morning everybody have a wonderful day information on uh silver and the difference that comes after the devil yeah so he gives an example of a mailer would tell something to do something yeah where does it go in to in real life for every person for the master comes after doing because you don't specifically say Dipper before but it's understandable from from his uh he says it does every master has ever been before I don't know I have to say I remember I searched my diamond earlier yeah so this is a song of my childhood oh nice just nice beautiful and it was one of the most popular songs in the 80s you're my heart you're my soul yeah it's a very catchy song well by modern talking this is the guys they're a little bit you know but lyrics and you were saying it it's like wow but that's what he says that is she you are my fire amazing in other words my desire becomes so deep that I'm ready to yeah that's exactly you're my wife you're myself you remember the song he also comes from Eastern Europe