Thought for the Week Vayechi Motherhood Supreme Love & Selflessness, Rabbi Yaakov Winner - 5784

hello how are you I hope everyone is G I hope everyone is healthy strong and happy physically spiritually as usual in the past couple of weeks our hearts and minds are with our brothers and sisters in Isel we're in the midst of a war we should all come to peace and health all the hostages should be returned healthy and the war should stop now as usual in the past couple of weeks we've added to the usual prayer and Torah with ster so here going to get brings the Redemption ofia now we'll go to a prayer and we've already said this PK before this prayer and it's directly related to what we're going to talk about in the and it's directly related to the war and the is from the mouths of babies and sucklings you have established your might to counter your enemies to silence Foe and Avenger as we' spoken before the Jewish nation has a special power in the voices of the children and the medes says it's brought down in the gorra that over here it's also referring to the children who by the splitting of the Red Sea that even the children saw they recognized God and they said and the F Reb the previous Reb in the Years where he was fighting for Judaism itself against the Communist Regime he was very strong into um pushing the idea of teachers learning toy with young children Olive Bays simple olive bays and verses of the and he was really really powerful in pushing this and saying from the mouth of babies and infants we will have the power to overcome our enemies now this is going to be related to our situation now we have to push as much as we can children to sayuk him and pray but also this is also in a way a verse which brings out the virtues of Jewish Mothers and that's going to be the focus of today's talk connected to because the Jewish mothers that are much much exceedingly more bonded with a child in the first five years of the child's life in comparison to the father you can't even compare it obviously the child nurses from the mother the child spends more time with the mother it's only when it says when the child begins to talk then the father teaches the child T but who is the one that's essentially really deeper connected and obviously from the fact that the mother gives birth to the child which is nothing that compares to that and she has to go to the labor labor pains carry the child for nine months etc etc so that creates a bond which is much more deeper and powerful than the bond between a father and and a child and that's the way this and this will'll discuss it today a bit so in this week's para there's a very interesting point that some people do not focus so much on and that's the story where Yakov is talking to ysf and making ysf swear that he will bury Yakov in Isel and he starts talking to his son and he Yak senses that YF might have a grievance and what's the grievance that yov it sounds like a bit of a hypocrite to use charish word yakob himself didn't bury y's mother yak's beloved his wife in the and here he's asking y to bury yov his father in and therefore the P said says in the beginning of as is discussing this with passed [Music] away he buried her and Rashi explains over here that he's explaining why is tell even though I trouble you to take me to be buried in the land of Canan because it's a major operation to go from Canan to from who is to come to take but I did not do for mother so therefore yov explains he continues further Rashi over here that I didn't even take her to to bring her into the land I know that the hard feelings in your heart against me and here he gives the explanation why he did it you should know it was by the word of that I did it so she be of eight to her children when one exiled them he was the chief general of and when the BD the first B was destroyed he led the Jews into Exile they would pass through by way of's tomb go out to her grave and seek Mercy for them a voice is heard in the Heights and then the aners there is reward for your act and the children shall return to the borders so what I'm going to say the basis is taken from a volume 30 just a kernel of the idea of what I'm going to speak about today and over here the obvious question is it's very very interesting that we talk about and this might be your greatest achievement and there's no mention of it whatsoever before where ra actually passes away as we had before in it just says and she had pains when she was giving birth just say the here right there doesn't give any explanations and doesn't say nothing so you could ask the question first of all why now this whole point that yob is bringing up what happened years before that's number one and that's why you could say Rashi has to give this whole story here because he senses the double standard it seems that when yob is asking y to do what he's doing y might have a grievance so therefore the story comes over here and the Reb explains it's a rash different commentaries what they say why Rashi the way he's learning Rashi theb explains Rashi it's a bit a different um point so one thing the Reb explains which is a beautiful point in life in general is that Rashi writes over here that um ysf had something in his heart against Yakov meaning to say that obviously obviously he understood y y understood that whatever Yak does was 100% the correct thing because Y is aad y is a y himself is aad benad and of course he knows that what y did that buried R over there on the spot was 100% correct but still Rashi says the that Jakob says we which means that even though on an in intellectual level to a certain in a general generally you understand obviously that YF understood that Jakob did the right thing but as long as you don't explain it as long as you don't reframe it then okay you accept it like I'm not going to double question sometimes your master does something you does something you don't really understand that I call it let's say for example if the Reb says something I don't understand I call it reab stuff so y could had in his mind this is like re stuff yob did it obviously he knew what he was doing and you believe in it but still as long as you didn't really get to the core of the issue to transform it a paradigm shift so then yes believe a lie because even though on a general way you're understood that it's the right thing but still because we don't get to the root of it there might be some sort of slight subtle feeling like if only maybe whatever so therefore rash has to therefore Yak has to explain my friends this was no loss at all ra didn't mind at all it wasn't for any other reason because I was in a hurry because I couldn't take all many of the commentaries explain different things but not because I was in sh not because I couldn't take all the children with me to to to to the reason I did it is because I got a command I got a message from Hashem that this is what is meant to happen and knowing ra of course this is what ra wants and why this is a winwin because of this act of RA giving away her place in the love she will able to bring benefit to the most important cause to the most important cause which is the Jewish nation in the most important hour when they're in the abyss when they're in Exile so now to really appreciate this V let's go to the original Med which brings down this story and how much you thought that this is so amazing but wait there's more it's an astonishing medish there's a Med in that goes like this where it brings down this whole story and it says that when there was the which is the greatest disaster in a certain sense of of of of the massacres of yiden and destruction of the B mikdash hashem's house so much so that the gar talks about how the sages for a certain time took out at itself ET and the has to say in other words how could hasem allow that his own house should be destroyed and desecrated in such a fashion [Music] and and and come and weep and cry and plead with hem himself and it doesn't stop the decree and it doesn't guarant the return as we're saying these days bring them home the hostages the captives the terrible crushing destruction of theban and Exile and after plead with Hashem it's R and R's CRI cries and pleading that does it and let me first read to you this medes and let's try to understand it and the medes says as follows at that time right away appeared before Yak my husband he loved me with a great love he worked for seven years to be able to marry me when he finished working those seven years when I was supposed to marry my husband my father L who was a con man he was not straight he was the ultimate of a dodgy person and he wanted to exchange switch me to play a trick on that it bothered me very very much I found out about it sorry knew who they're dealing with L is a trickster L is a is a A sly dishonest person and they understood that he's going to try this trick so ra initially made a signal of signs with Y that in case love will try to exchange them switch lay it to ra instead of RA yob will know the signs so he shouldn't be fooled and therefore L's plot will fail and therefore they made up certain signals and signs between themselves so I gave I gave Yakov the son signs but then I came and I realized what's going to happen I swallowed my my my desires my personal interests and I had mercy on my sister because if would expose sorry Leia on that night which is meant to be the wedding night for Leia that she's going to Mar this and then she would be so publicly humiliated [Applause] embarrassed I couldn't bring myself I couldn't allow myself is saying I couldn't allow it to happen it's I don't want it to to be exposed that everyone will see that um she's not the one so I decided I told her all the signs so should think it's the medage continues a bit more the bottom line is r that everything that she shouldn't become embarrassed or humiliated and now ra turned to [Music] hasem I wasn't jealous for my own concerns and how I was going to be hurt saying I swallowed my interest and my desires so that my sister shouldn't become embarrassed humiliated and ashamed in public but you moral of Flesh and Blood and Ashes and dust and I wasn't jealous I didn't look at my personal grievance I overlooked it so that my sister shouldn't get embarrassed you are the king of kings and you are Eternal you're not a flesh and blood and you have infinite Mercy you getting jealous on the idols that the Jews worshiped instead of you and my children have been exiled and murdered by The Sword and the enemies have done with them according to their whatever they want immediately hashem's mercies were were flowing and Hashem said because of you I will turn the Jews to the place there's a voice that's Turn On High by the voice of bitter weeping is weeping over her children she refuses to be consoled andem says you could restrain yourself from crying and your eyes from tears there's a reward for your [Music] actions you have hope for the [Music] future and your children will be returned to the borders wow wow wow where goes and he tries he fails tries also still a fail still not is the one who affects it the change that Hashem turns back to decree promises her your words is told what is going on over here why how can we understand it and the explanation is exactly as the med says going back to that story of what happened when she gave Leia the signs that's her so her is greater that there's something there's some quality connected to her that's greater than the quality of the and greater [Music] than so maybe we could say maybe we could say that the V is the famous saying we say there's one thing to die and there's one thing to live with there's a sense of martydom which is a oneoff sense of martydom you f an overwhelming Foe and you stand strong and it's an amazing event the story of that kada many of the stories of and in general the stories of of he had a foe from without that was asov that was Lon and he had to stand by his principles so it's about Judaism Jewish values and there's the enemy there's an enemy of as there's an enemy of Lon he has to overcome these enemies to Judaism and the same thing is M the enemy is the Egyptians the Egyptian culture were different sort of enemies that were threats to Judaism like the story with the spies they're going against God the story with K they're also going against God and it's a story here's the story we have to stand strong and then this two shall pass no problem but what's the M neish here the M neish over here in a certain sense is is in a certain sense of course ra transcends it but she's going to have to have a sacrifice which is in a lifelong Eternal sacrifice she's going to allow her sister to marry her beloved and then watch as that relationship also flourishes and grows and as a matter of fact as it turned out Le was the one who bore all those many children to Yakov when she hadn't so here we're dealing with the Supreme Act of self-abnegation that this is going to be daily for years she could have allowed R to be exposed the whole roses up and she would have Yak to herself what did she do in order not to embarrass in order not to cause shame humiliation for another Jew it's worth it to put yourself into a position where you might have pain you might have pain or might hurt you you know issues of the heart shot through through the heart and it might be something which is going to be daily every single day for decades and decades so to speak and yet she was willing to do that so in general there's two sorts of self-sacrifice besides for the vert besides for the idea that there's a self-sacrifice that's a one-off act and there's a self-sacrifice which is daily consistent there's also the idea that this is something which really Cuts deep the very essence of intimacy and relationship and how you're sacrificing that for the rest of your life to share it with another person now by the way I just want to go on to another subject which is interesting related but not the same exact thing there's a Jewish concept which is called Farin I don't know how you translate it in English but Farin means when the other person has good and you're happy with the other person's Joy with the other person's Good Fortune it's interesting I didn't see anything I never saw anything written about this explicitly but we know in life that you know many times when you hear about someone else's suffering you say you feel bad so you have that empathy you can even have empathy as we'll say next week's you could put yourself in someone else's shoes and feel the pain what the other person is going through but you know what I'm talking on a personal level I find it harder when you see someone else who has success not to have some feeling sometime inside of you I I struggle with this sometimes like what makes that person God forbid I shouldn't embarrass I shouldn't be saying this in public but I'm saying this in the hope that that to say that I I I I'm I plan on working on it it's my resolution from today that and theb the previous Reb writes about this and talks that means feeling the pain of another in other words feeling pain when your friend is in pain but also Rejoice rejoicing the other person's and I find that harder you can have struggles many areas of your life in panasa in children in health in whatever it is and you feel you feel to a certain extent you're not the most person in the world I mean why why why why does it have to be like that and you look around and you see and this is like the oldest question in the book you know that there people that you think to yourself it seems externally even though you don't really believe it that it doesn't look like they're all doing the you know the right thing and by them there's always these Happy Endings and good fortune and when it comes to my life it seems everything's with a struggle and it's not going so well and by them it just goes and seems like it's easy easy easy so I'm I'm not here to answer that I'm here to uproot it in the first place let us all go in the ways of RA that for but foring is like the lowest level that's not really saying a lot doesn't mean you actually have to give up something or sacrifice something first start on that level so number one that's why I said it's related but nothing compared should be a basic basic basic level for every single Jew and of course for every single said rejoice in the joy and good fortune of others that goes without saying that's like basic basic levels more than that we come to the mid of Von and last week we spoke about this by Yehuda vus means to forego to to Aces to to give in and this is a bit also over here about vus I said this once before I there's a there's a person in laich someone I know he's a bit older than me and I I don't I can't say his name because I don't think he would want I should say his name but there was a dispute a big dispute that every laich knows about this between two institutions and this is related to almost every single to make a long story short one of the people involved there's two sides the person who is the main person on one side told me that he decided to give in this is he told me from his from his mouth and I was so surprised CU I never imagine that he's the type of person that would do this he's like not like a person like from the old school in a way he's more like a withed person sophisticated you know and I was so surprised he told me you should know Yan I want to tell you from that moment that day there was a meeting that the two sides sat down cu the rebel wanted to hear that they made up he told me he walked into that meeting and he decided that he's giving in and he told me from that moment of my life my life was turned around my mule my good fortune I was so stunned that he told this to me and every time you know he lives in the another side of the world I live in Melbourne from time to time when I see him I asked him no remember what you told me that time you still stand by that and he tells me absolutely so this is such an important lesson we have to take to ourselves to learn from ra first of all doesn't mean that we have to measure it by climbing mountains sometimes Mish means when you want to say something about somebody don't say it bite your tongue swallow your pride that's what it means mes look at this the mes of that she allowed her sister to have the joy at her own expense Ra's expense her is greater than she's the one that stops the decree of G and it's because of her and that's the same thing with the act of her being buried we could elaborate on this we're already late there so much more to talk about so I'll just have to now say make it very concise and that's the same exact point over here what is the idea of RA she's buried in the roadside she's not looking after herself at all she doesn't care about herself who does she care about it's all about the children that's what motherhood is all about it's complete absolute selflessness I would have such a great spiritual elevation by being in the she knew what she was giving up more than we could even imagine however me and you are going to sit and talk about how great it is to be buried in the same place of the S R Le and says there's something even greater and that is where my children go where I'm needed where I can bring benefit is much more important I could have to forget about my own personal rank my own personal position my own personal elevation and I do what's good for my children and that is the ultimate sacrifice she was m in the story that she gave away the signs to her sister so that she shouldn't be humiliated she was M she gave away her position her top spot her back back seat and the highest of the high and she gave it away to be buried in a roadside in a moment of Destruction a low low point in the history of am and for who not for the children that was the goody two shoes not for the children that wins prizes and his the P gets an A+ and is a teacher's pet she's doing this for the children that did something wrong the ones and she tells even though they did this [Music] whatever the worst that's still just like where they go I go I'm there for them and I was able to swallow my self-interests and I wasn't jealous so to you why you getting upset forgive everything you shouldn't look it like it matters be bigger than that cuz you are bigger than that and those words when she's a role model of her self-sacrifice she turns to Hashem and tells Hashem to have his sacrifice so to speak go off the The Throne of judgment and severities and go onto the Judgment of mercy and forgiveness so that's a lesson now we have to think of the mothers that's why I decided to speak about it today think about the mothers of the hostages think about the mothers of the soldiers what they're going through their their mer nees should end the war right now and the lesson for us we have to learn vrus the more every single one of us in our personal lives will practice this attribute of humility and forgiveness and not making a big deal about personal interest and desires and wills but think more about what's good for the common good that the other person should get the better of the deal then we could turn to Hashem and say just like we're practicing this sort of attribute of humility and forgiveness so to Hashem please please practice the attribute of mercy and let the other person get the benefit and now to answer the question why all of a sudden now maybe we could say why does yov mention this over here besides for the fact that he's asking y to do this maybe we could say another ver right now yakob was passing away Leia passed away a long time ago by the way so Y is the last of the it's the end of of of the the decade whatever you call it the era of the so the message that Y is giving y yes I'm the last one but we just like R is there in place to be in a situation wherever this Gus so so so in other words she's there as support as empowerment even in the state of Exile even when there's Darkness even when it's the lowest point of Abyss for ra will be there and she gives us strength and she comes out herself to plead for Isel so this is what yob is telling YF yes I'm passing away now but we have ra and this is this week's in addition to the re explains that yaka is being buried in I have no time to get into it yaka is being buried inel and and and and Y being buried in Egypt until M takes them out these are all um mechanisms of empowerment that a Jew in whatever situation he is he has an antidote he has spiritual energies and spiritual forces to rise above whatever Exile will throw at you and that's also the message why it's important to bring it out now as Y is passing on he's giving the message as yob is passing on he's giving a message to YF that just like ra was there in the time of Exile there are forces there are powers that will help you wherever you are wherever you're going to be including Egypt including the Egyptian Exile which is going to be coming and etc etc so that's why it's also over here so insation really we have no more time I wanted to get into the idea let's go back to the verse that we mentioned before about ra represents the epitome of motherhood of the sacrifice that she has for her children and therefore the explains in that that's why jewishness is more attributed if your mother is a Jew you're a Jew not if your father is a Jew and he marries God forbid a non-jew and why because the essential idea of jewishness and the continuity of the Jewish nation and the secret of the Jewish nation is the mothers they are the glue that hold it all together because they give birth to the Jew and then they're thereby the essential Bond of for the first five six years of the child's education and rearing they are the ones who pass it on through their milk through their attachment with their children which ismus more than anything else that could exist between two human beings is the mother and the child and that's why the jewishness is attributed to the mother and this also brings out the importance also of it says that the Isha is that she's the main one who creates the culture of the home connected to the continuation of the Judaism and the jewishness that passes on from generation to generation they should help that we should take the lesson of humility that we learned from ra and her self-sacrifice and what it means self-sacrifice and in her and connecting this to the Al and the ra and their and their lives which you didn't have time to talk about they should help that the war should and now everyone should be healthy take M posting from my home your man in Melbourne