Chassidus Monday | The Holy Haman: I Matter

foreign [Music] please show you [Music] okay good morning I'm sorry for my delay welcome everybody can put him [Music] oh yeah okay so page we started the Miami last week the first moment I'm putting Thursday and Friday I discussed some of the main points of the mimer because today is out of puddham so I want to go to the last piece the last piece of the smimer [Music] it's on page 181 [Music] page 181 on top it says Michaela sister the third paragraph [Music] foreign [Music] you see so just we learned that length previous year at length the whole idea of Allah versus and the difference between the two that we discussed at length it All Began by discussing the idea that hamon foreign you should bring the Royal garment that the king dressed dresses in and they should bring this the horse that he rides on and bring the crown that he wears and place it on the person whom he cherishes Hammond of course thinks it's him it ends up it ends up to be murdered [Music] so spiritually he explains it is what all these things mean relative to Hashem Hashem the question the crown the horse and he says since Purim was a continuation and a combination of Martin Taylor so everything that happened by Martin Taylor happens again on put him was culminated and completed in the times of Mordechai this was then it starts a long explanation which we only started the beginning what levus is what the crown is and what the what the success what the horses and all these things were being accessed on put him so even though Haman on a literal level was just wanted these things for himself but on a spiritual level there's a deeper story where all these Divine energies were being accessed during the time of Purim and they came so after a long explanation he discusses what the Garment is and then what the castle says and then what the horses what the sources so I want to focus on one that could at the end of the moment she says there's the horse that the king rides on and the idea of a horse he explains earlier the idea of a horse is that a horse is very interesting interesting I mean a horse on one hand is completely a good horse those who know how to ride a horse they become very connected to the horse the horse is completely subservient to the person who rides the horse and yet the horse takes you to a place that you can't go yourself Heights and depths and speeds and deserts and terrains a horse especially in the ancient world before before we topped into electricity you know the horse was one of the primary instruments to use at War and other situations because the horse has a tremendous power and its power is used just to harness that Master where the master wants to go if the horse feels that the horse rider doesn't know what he's doing because then the horse has to take over it the horses are very sensitive apparently they know right away if you if you're secure if you're insecure if you know what you're doing if you don't know what you're doing if you're the talmud or you're the RAF the horse knows and if the horse is put into the position of being the master it's difficult but in in a relationship with the master knows where he wants to go so the horse of the country the horse Tunes in and takes them to a place that he couldn't get on his own explains earlier that susim in Kabbalah and other places Yeshua represents the power of Isis Isis letters are words like we spoke in the previous year on one hand words they're they're external they just facilitate like a horse they facilitate what you want what what you want to say right what are the what's the function of letters and words they're Calum they're vessels for ideas or for emotions that's what they are they don't have their own if a person reads words from a language they don't understand you're reading words you know sometimes you're just reading words or you're hearing words on the other hand if the words facilitate something deeper then the words bring out the truth of it in a way that the idea itself doesn't do it sometimes you see a person has an idea and then when you talk about it the words themselves bring out a new depth in it that you didn't have before the same is true with emotions the words themselves like a horse they bring you to a place that you couldn't get on your own the words have a certain power you know you could think of the main thing is the emotion what's the difference but it happens to me that words have something in them to the point that they can create something that is much deeper than the original experience of it that was just in your heart and that's why even though words could sometimes seem very external and they could be external they could be Hollow they could be superficial but nonetheless when the Isis are reflecting something deep they can bring you to a place that the experience itself doesn't have like in a relationship sometimes the very words you say it's just Hollow words try it but you'll see that the words themselves have the power of horses so he says to access the Divine Garment of royalty and Crown of royalty there's always the source this is the horse the shoes which are called syrupay Isis combinations of letters each letter is a flow to bring out the Gili in safe down here the way it's higher space foreign that's when the Jewish people accepted what they began by Martin Taylor Martin ishma what happened by Martin Taylor is the Jewish people said we will do and we will hear what's up it was a state where their rotten became completely aligned and won with hashems and what's the idea of NASA and ishma nassefinition represents there's absolute trust I trust you usually yeah if somebody makes a contract with me and they want me to do things I have to study the construct what do you want let me see what are the conditions what am I gaining how many hours a day what was after everything the Jewish people saw they felt whatever you say I'm in the relationship with you is more precious than anything else I don't have to hear all of the Constitution and all of the details and all the 630 mitzvahs that can only come when there's full Trust why would a person do that first here and then there's NASA no they did First National the answer of course is after they saw you Jesus they saw the templates they saw Chris they realized the intensity of the love and they said you know this relationship I can fully trust that's the concept of nationalism I can fully trust represents a place where the ratsun becomes one it's a very very deep place because usually we want to protect ourselves and there's a good reason why we protect ourselves because you're afraid you don't want to be used you don't want to be exploited you don't want to be manipulated yeah somebody makes a contract with you this is first I'll hear and then I'll do if I like it if I don't like it I won't do it you don't sign the contract before that that's what any lawyer will tell you what are the conditions you may be paying out of your out of your pocket money that you shouldn't be paying and it may be a waste of uh it may be a broccoli the whole thing may be not good for you meant that they were a state where there was a bit a bit means my rotten is completely completely aligned with you there's a full full sense of trust that's what happened by Martin Taylor it didn't just come like this came through the experience of its years but try him and the 10 markers and everything they saw and the journey that they had till Martin then they said if it's you I'm in I trust that's that's a place of real real Trust really really letting go of anything else you have to be careful with this because somebody's going to use you that way and you don't want to say NASA National you can only say NASA vidishma if you know if you know that the one you're saying it to really really cares for you as much as you care for yourself right that's the insight and this is very important idea she says there was similarly that relationship with the Jews were ready to completely completely they surrender their souls says something fascinating Harmon wanted to kill every Jew but the Jew had to be a yehudi lahashment is there was a Jewish he was from Yaman so the gemara says is a contradiction first you call them issue naturally yehudi means he comes from Yehuda and then you say he came from so this is a struggle the gumar has these different interpretations maybe his father was from One Tribe and his mother was from another tribe it's not so simple one of the explanations is that he really came from but he's called yahudi not because he was from shaved Yehuda because yehudi describes the definition of mardika that Zara somebody who denies of a desire and Embraces Hashem is called yehudi from the word maida that's what he says he's Kaif and he's maida he's you you the word yahudi comes to the word means you submit you surrender you're grateful like when yahudah was born Leia said I'm thankful somebody who throws away you rejects of a desire in other words any midseus anything outside of Hashem to really call it a mitzias a reality an identity he rejects and Embraces Hashem that's the definition of you it's the first time in Tanakh that all the Jews are called yehudim till at that point in time the Jews are called Israel Israel the first time they're called yehudim is a megalusaster it's very interesting the literal reason is because this was after the destruction of the base and most of the tribes were already exiled the ten tribes and many of them assimilated so the majority they were Jews from all the tribes or the majority of them were you and binyam and those were the two tribes that weren't exile but why are the people from Yemen also called you and even the other Jews are called them says because of yehudi is somebody who is he rejects which for sure who for sure didn't come from they came from you can't be a Cayenne if you come from they're also called because they gave their souls they surrendered their souls throughout the whole year they had an opportunity to say and then they would stay alive this is a big hiddish he's saying here that Haman wanted to kill the yehudim if you would say I'm done you could you could survive now it's an important thing to understand about the story people think that the Purim story happened in 20 minutes the time it takes to read the Magilla somebody reads it in 15 minutes the story happened in 15 minutes story happened over 12 years and it's a complex story because a party in the third year of his Reign he makes a party and then he kills vashti it takes four years until he finds a new Queen Esther the seventh year of his reign and then it takes five years till Hammond makes an Edith in the 12th year of his Reign so it didn't happen as early it took to watch the story he had to watch 12 years and after 12 years Haman convinced to allow him to kill all the Jews and to choose a date in which every Jew should be killed by anybody who wants to kill the Jews with the full support of the Royal Palace of the full weight of the Persian Empire and that date was you'd gimmel other the 13th of other today you'd give him a lot that Xavier came out you'd give on listen the 13th of innocent and there would be an 11 month preparation to kill every Jews everybody could prepare they can sharpen their swords they can get ready and Jews didn't have where to go to because all the 127 provinces that the Jews lived in he was in control they couldn't run to the United States of America so many ways exad in the time of Hamman was the worst in history because they were all concentrated under the rule of there's nowhere to go there was no other government to go to keeper now this was your game on this so there's 11 months to the decree Esther makes a fast day for three days she goes into it's pesach she has another party the second day pesach that's why there's a lot of wine she wanted to drink the full cup so why and then what happens is that the second party is drunk and that's when she accuses Hammond of trying to murder her hamon falls on the bed to ask for compassion that's when the King goes out to the court then and comes back and sees humming on the bed with Esther and now he's accusing Haman of wanting to take his wife and Haman gets killed but the Xavier was still there 11 months later the Jews would be killed so now Esther pleads with to send out a second decree but he never cancels the first decree people think that put him he canceled the first decree he didn't he said the first decree I can't cancel because an edict that comes out of the king signed you can't return you can't cancel it all he did was he gave the Jews permission that they can defend themselves so you have to understand that this wasn't a simple thing put him happen boom after the decree came out that they could defend themselves they still have to defend themselves but everyone who wants to kill Jews has a right to kill Jews you'd give them other so that's what I'll tell them is saying that what did lat year look like that year that Year from your gimleness until you give me other it was a very very intense year so you would think that some Jews would leave the title you would they would say I'm not a yehudi anymore and that way you're done you're good you don't go into the realm you don't go into the dirty you're not a dirty Jew anymore she says but that's not what happened all of the Jews remained in the state of Yehuda that was a state of Missouri not that they had to die my serious numbers in the state that they were living in a state of consciousness that they're not going to leave the title of Yahoo and that's a murder the king and that happened for a whole 11 months and you'd gimul other pile there was a war there had to be a war and what happened was the Jews had the confidence and the stamina and the Vigor and the inculcated ore dread and they killed all those who wanted to kill them and the victory was astounding and then the next day they rested they relaxed they celebrated and that became and shushan Purim in shushan there were more enemies there were more people who wanted to kill Jews the war continued a second day and the celebration only happened on the third day teslav that's why shushan put him in shushan they celebrated on teslaf so that's what is saying this brought out an Indian that was similar to Martin's Zoo so all the revelations of matantara hashem's Royal garment hashem's Royal Crown hashem's Royal Horse it all came out again all the madriggers that he spoke earlier in the mimer whatever is what the sources all came out again and put him because put him was the culmination of Madame Taylor but in a way it was Deeper by Martin Taylor it was NASA venishma with full trust bitulratsun in Purim they were tested with their very identity and it was a question of life and death and yet they all remained yahudan for the whole year they remained in that's place this is where this is who I am this was therefore this is a question but how does this come to Hama it says Haman is the one who took it he took the lavush he took the Seuss and he put it on Mordechai so I understand The Primitives of it is and all these things got revealed by the Jewish people but he says who's the one who brought it out it was Haman he says to be the one to retrieve all these things and give it to Martyrs says what's the source of to see if the answer is now you have to understand what the question is what's the source of Harmony says it's a fascinating idea if there's a hamon in the world there's already a homonym it doesn't start in the world it starts in the blueprint if it's in the house it's in the blueprint in this case we know that the contractor followed unlike other houses with a contract that does what he wants in this case the contractor followed the blueprint so if there's a Haman in that in the world there's a Harmony in the blueprint where's Haman in the blueprint so the governor answers that it says impartial is veracious after other men have aid from the tree Hashem told Adam from the tree that I told you not to eat from you ate Hamin is the same letter is like Hamman now it's strange because like you say you took from this foreign what's the connection what's the relationship here says so here's a fascinating thing we all know we're putting says and put them one is supposed to become to become toxic inebriated through wine until you don't know the difference between curses where did they get this idea there should be no yada no yada what was the name of this tree it's of Das said if hormone is rooted in the eight sadas so what's that put him that doesn't mean to lose your mind that you become a sugar you become a wild uh Anarchist was out of control I mean loyada means you can go you go deeper than eight sadas that's the word this civilizations prophecies the Genesis the beginning of the Nations you have many nations and you had many nations that were entrenched in Pagan idolatry but amalek is the beginning he's the Mila man he's like the source the progenitorations so he says he doesn't say you're from the tree you're from the tree you're higher than the tree you're the source of the tree all he says the Nations that were in Pagan are rooted in you're from the streets in other words you're deeper you're deeper than nature the very effective you're asking you're from this tree means that he has a connection to the tree because if not why does he mention it with a tree if he's completely not connected today he's completely of a different realm then it's not even a question the very fact you ask a question already means there's a relationship the question is is this all there is you're more than this you come from a place that precedes but some some there is so what does the soul mean he says but it's called he's a mark of to the eights what does it mean a mark of today's he's connected today he touches it doesn't touch it fully in other words there's a connection there and that's why you says but yet he's not fully dates he touches it and doesn't touch it it's an expression it says or Eagle when it comes to the nest it hovers over the the chicks because if it comes straight into the nest it's too big and overwhelming it can scare them it can hurt them it can kill them so it hovers over there and says it touches the nest but it doesn't touch you have to be able to know how to touch without Touch without touching it's like a contact that's subtle so he uses these words with Haman and the eight sadas he's negative what does all this mean s because Harmon represents the ultimate of and gases which means arrogance and because of this Haman is connected to the eight sadas but in a way it's the source of that sadas it's higher it's it's it's it's the gracious it's the beginning of the eight sadas it's like the source it's the progenerative and that's the idea of and explains what's the idea of what's the idea some of us were raised a lot with the words of what's the real sometimes a person argues with you it makes sense what they're saying maybe it doesn't make sense but there's an argument that's not called hotspa I know sometimes it's called when somebody has a different opinion but that's not called hotspot that means there's different opinions there's different perspectives right if somebody if if somebody is in a relationship and somebody has an opinion and somebody challenges their opinion if a teacher is teaching a class and a student asks a good question on the idea you don't say it's not Hotspur huh I hear you you're saying any questions I hear you okay I'm not Japanese I don't know huh depends I mean if somebody's trying to understand something that's not that's a that's they could be on the contrary how could you communicate if a person can't uh an American can argue I hear so that could be a different Union when you have the Seven Nations can only the seven Chevrolet almost right so that it says in memory that they represent the seven meters each one of the middas it has its perspective it has its experience of life it may be based on a cover-up it may be based on a blockage the idea of something else is it's a whole different Indian it's not based on a certain quality it's just the reason there's a Hotspur is because in other words it's not based on a search for truth it's simply oppositional just because I could be oppositional that's a whole different Indian that's what gases means it's coming from Pure arrogance it's not I have a way of looking at it maybe I'm right maybe I'm wrong that's what Haman represents that's what a Malik represents all the other enemies that the Jewish people had they were scared of the Jewish people for unjustified reasons but in their mind there was a threat to martial was threatened by the Jewish people because he saw their numbers were growing and he felt they're going to take over the country he was wrong they didn't want to take over the country they didn't want to defeat him they didn't want to destroy the country they didn't want to kill party but that was his afraid hoverness other countries they were afraid the Jewish people are going to take their territory why was I Malik what was a Malik what was bothering because the first war of abolish against the Jewish people they didn't come through his territory they weren't going by his territory yeah they weren't competing over territory they didn't even live in the same proximity a mother came from his country to fight the Jewish people something about the Jew that just bothered him if you exist I can't exist this is a different type of a war if there's a war I hate you because I perceive you as my enemy and therefore I have to hate you we could talk and I'll show you you're not my enemy when it's something at the core there's something about you it's not it's not a rational hatred and it's a different type of hatred there's rational issue there's irrational religion rational hatred you couldn't negotiate irrational hatred I don't even know why I don't even know why I hate you you as you you exist you trigger me in some way we'll soon see there's a reason for a different type of reason so now you have to be very very careful with this hate because it has no cure because if it's based on a fear that you're going to take away something from me in other words there's a rational you saw it even though you're making a mistake but I could talk and I could show you that I'm not your enemy but if it's not based on a rational you say it it's not based on a rational Foundation that your very existence threatens my very existence so all appeasement in the world won't help why won't it help because as long as you're here I'm not happy and therefore it's not based on any side it's not based on some rationality that we could disagree with that's the difference the other nations they represent different middles they're threatened in different ways amalek is this is not that I disagree with you because I have a different opinion I have nothing to say but the husband is coming out the core core audacity that's not based on a reality that's where the word belongs that's pure pure arrogance somehow Your Existence undermines my existence and this is a very difficult hatred to deal with that's why there Jews have had enemies who you could talk to but then there's a certain type of enemy there's nothing to talk to as long as you're here I'm not going to be at peace there's nothing you're not threatening me you're not taking over my country I don't really think you're taking my money I may say that in order to justify it to the world but essentially Your Existence drives me crazy Jews don't know about this type of hatred that's the problem that's why they have to be so careful with a Malik because when you come to a hatred of a Malik is a different type of hatred so he says everything that exists in the world has also exists in kadusha for who in kadusha you have something called Haman but it's holy it's after the bitter Kim the gemara says that the descendants of Haman what does this mean this means that altareba says that there's an acuda of Haman that can come into to either Sky too is refined that can go into kadusha who converts to Judaism according to many sutures you can accept them I it says to wipe out of Malik but if amalek wants to convert there's many they're not here you see they could be learned his heart is uplifted Hashem in the ways of Hashem like when a person davins one's eyes should look downward but one's heart should soar upwards eyes represent the ability to see that was compared to seeing Venus compared to hearing who is the most humble of all people state of Bittle [Music] in the heart you have the fire and The Thirst and fire always wants to rise upwards there's the element of my eyes creates a state of complete bit of lamata the lead by the heart The Thirst the fire islamaila and a person needs both if a person doesn't have that sense of Akbar which Harmon represents that arrogance but here we're talking about Haman and kadusha what's happening a sense of exaltedness a sense of of Sublimity his heart will not feel the sweetness and the motivation to even begin but umra he might say who am I um and what is Hashem worth a person must have a heart that's exalted and feels desire desire you can only feel if you feel that you deserve to have desire there's an eye that deserves to have desire therefore I'm thirsty so you hear what it is saying here that an avoidance hashema person needs to have a sense of inner confidence and this is what he calls it's a it's a it's an inner sense that I exist and that I am worth something and my avoid is valuable because one of the biggest dangers of avoidance hashems is what's called a fake Bittle fake Bittle is miani who am I I'm a nobody I'm a nobody omave what's my availa worth and what does that feed that feeds the person just going into a sense of carelessness or laziness or despondency or depression and you could think it's holy he says You must have this person needs to have this element in harmony it's arrogance embedded in kadusha it's a sense of I matter why do I matter no no no no now you're already giving now you're going to the wrong place just like Harmony I don't need a reason I don't have a reason to explain I don't have a way of arguing with you if you have a different opinion it's not Hotspur what's good I don't have a different opinion Justified it's a toxic eye matter the eye loses all proportions of anything you're just fighting for the sake of fighting it's hatred for the sake of hatred it's I'm not challenging you on the grounds of anything that makes sense what am I challenging you based on pure arrogance says you have that in condition in a good way what is that a sense of I matter so you say explain to me why you matter that's already explained to me because I'll prove to you that you don't matter this is the inner mental Charter people go through I matter I don't matter I matter I don't matter I matter I don't mind you try proving to yourself rationally that you have a value if you're trying to prove it to yourself means at the core I don't have and therefore I have to always prove it to myself and explain it to myself so what's happening is a person feels that they matter and there are avoid that matters that's the way it's sublimated in Holiness huh yeah and then there's a mind there's a thirst I want something I have a Chuka there's a value my desires mean something I have a thirst I want a better life I want a deeper life I want a real life if I don't matter so then the whole Chuka doesn't exist your wants are nothing [Music] you don't take them seriously you're not allowed to take them seriously utsimayan means nothing thirsty who are you to be thirsty you have to be careful when do you know if Haman comes from clipper or does means your heart is above my eyes looked down but Libra is heart islamyla it feels sublimated it feels exalted by yige Hashem and the Darkness are left an uplifted Heart Like says I walked with expansiveness I could speak in front of Kings without shame this comes from it's an exaltedness we don't call it in a negative sense we call it akbasa live in a positive sense a person feels their infinite value they feel that not me on the omave it's not miani on the contrary they have to feel that the Ani is Meaningful when that's missing he says the person won't even begin he won't begin because if I'm a Shema if I'm a loser if I'm a nobody what's there to begin I'm wasting my time I'm wasting God's time wasting everybody's time foreign a person needs both they need the eyes to be able to go downward what does that mean Leah is a person needs to live in both places and the to another contradiction there's a novela Mata vilibrium means the person lives in the presence of awe of humility a person has a Bittle to the ain't safe and that's what Toyota is all about conduit for hashem's words and not an egomaniac who separates who becomesa foreign in that sense there's no I why is there no I because the I is a conduit for the inside but he says but how do you begin if you begin to avoid that by telling somebody you're nothing so that's what they end up with so there has to be an element of Libya lamayla I have a desire I have a thirst I'm allowed to have a desire I'm allowed to have a thirst that's thirst brings you to great places you're thirsty for something more you want something you take it seriously if I'm not allowed to trust my heart if I'm not allowed to have an emotion if I'm not allowed to have a thirst I can't take anything seriously I can't take myself seriously so here he's describing that Bittle itself can become very toxic that's what I spoke in the other sheer when you learn Bittle from the lens of Brokenness the bitter could become very broken because Bittle could just fit into a story of worthlessness of self-shame it has nothing to do with Bittle it has to do with a story an internal story where the person doesn't feel that they exist they don't have a right to exist and then comes Bittle and says Ah perfect now my trauma is theologically Justified you understand everything is becomes through that lens and it's a very very dangerous place to be because at the surface I'm serving God you're not I'm not serving God I'm serving the devil the devil of complete sense of worthlessness which takes away a person from all avoidah that's where the gemara says when you Daven you need an of lamata will Libya because the sense of value of significance is the beginning of the journey the end of the journey is Bittle but what type of Bittle is the Dani becomes iron so it's deeper not Bittle the Dani is such a shmatter how do you even dare to get close to this that's already a toxic form see the person needs to have both on the other hand if you just say oh I matter I have value then it becomes and then I remain stuck in my in my little orbit whatever I want I want I want and then I can even go over the person just becomes arrogant they don't have the the openness to be able to look for kayakma for the inside so these are the two elements he says a person needs to become a person needs to have both foreign there's 32 pathways I'm sorry of course the heart is so 32 and 32 is 64 that is what's an eighth of an eighth foreign it's one part of 64. this is throwing out a number an eighth of an eighth meaning [Music] if you divide it if you divide so to speak dive into eight parts and then you have a schmindis an eighth of an eighth you have one part of samach dalit of 64. it's like you divide guy into 64 pieces and you take one fraction of that no more if you take a little more then it's gas that's already ninja is twice slave what's the connection so he says 64 is the number you need the heart that's connected to the Lama business an exalted heart an uplifted heart on uplifted identity but one that's connected always to the 32 Pathways of which is because ultimately the Ikea is the Bittle which is but first I need to have an uplifted heart if I'm not lifting myself up I don't access the flow if I just I I die in utero I put myself down there's no harm Bittle is a gift bittel is openness to Infinity it's afloat Bittle is a deeper gift than the lathe so it's a relationships this upliftedness this is called exaltedness of Holiness this is The Source in the Divine Light is called lavush a garment and a horse the Garment is what we say in tehilim hashems Hashem was a king is a king he puts on the Garment of exaltedness so what does it mean by a person you have to put on a lavush of Gaius the word gayos is like exaltedness but this is not a bad chaos this is you have to fill your mouth your melach a malach puts on Royal garments if I'm if I'm if I'm a creep if I'm a smelly creep I'm not gonna put on gayoslovish so gayest lavish is Allah exaltedness foreign 66 plus another 60. so it's 126. that's twice so he says this is the way Haman comes into the bitter so that's why to take the levers and take the sauce is down here so now let's let's let's understand what this means when a person says I matter where does that come from the sense that I matter I have real value right he's saying it's the prince of so you can understand it from the negative and then you understand the positive when Haman has the the evil Haman where's it come from the answer doesn't have an explanation means I'm not attacking you because of an explanation I'm attacking you because I could because your very existence threatens me it's not a rational thing it comes from a place that is at the core of my being and therefore it's so dangerous racist you have eight at least is an explanation of Das he says amalek is the source it's deeper it's the source of later it comes into Das later I'll already have explanations why I hate you but the bottom line is I can't stand you and that's very very dangerous because it comes from arrogance there's no rationality there I can't even talk to this person what is that in Holiness he says a sense that I matter why is that equivalent because the sense of I matter is also not coming from explanations if you're giving explanations why you matter why you're significant then the person doesn't really matter there's a certain sense of inner attachment of an inner sense of connection and value it's not our piece and the Brokenness of that is huh it's unconditional you can have a person who's brilliantly talented but he doesn't have this deep down he feels that he doesn't have any value he's talented he makes a lot of money but all his life he's looking for validation somebody to prove to me that I exist it's a terrible tragedy and you have another person in terms of talents and creativity it could be very simple but you know what he feels that he matters and you'll see the difference of their lives it's completely different one person is as little life and it's a friend you know he fixes his doorknob and he's dancing he mows his lawn and he says and the other person yeah has everything is traveling the world yeah has people bowing down but doesn't have a second of my Knuckles on average why because all the validation can't fill the void and what's the void the void is that deep deep down at his core he doesn't really exist of that either at my core there's an element of agba Saleh in a good way you don't say I'm nothing my avoid is worthless everything is worthless and this is a very very deep voice this is a very very deep voice and very often is a result of that it's the frustration of that but in kadusha therefore what is it it's a sense that I matter and it's not conditional it's not because I had a good day some people if I got a compliment today it means today I matter tomorrow I make a mistakes I get criticism I don't matter so even when I do matter I don't matter because it's all conditional hormone teaches you you need a little hutzpah because unconditional you don't need any explanation that comes from a certain sense of inner attachment inner connection yeah it's sometimes very early on in life that's when it happens if you felt value you felt that you have absolute value or you felt that you have really no no value and then you have to create fake value validation people to love me people to feel I'm important whatever it is distractions maybe I become a people's pleaser what I become a people's pleaser um there was a boy there was a young young man once told me many years ago he's been through a lot of uh very difficult situations in his life and he kept on going back into those situations even as an adult so I asked him why if he knows why so he says yeah I know why he says you have to understand that my for my brain the only way I have value in life is if people step on me if I could be stepped on it means I have value at least you're you're a rug a rug has value right you come from outside it's snowing it's raining you step on the rug he says when you step on me it means I serve a purpose if you don't step on me what are you gonna do with the rug you'll hang it up on that encounter at least you're stepping on me I have a I have a tackles in life but it's not a rational thing it's not like I come to this conclusion it's very very deep so that says Hamman could exist in Clipper Hamman can of existing it's a certain sense of I that's at the core the beginning of avoida just like gracious in negativity and avoid also it's the beginning of our beginning is well Hashem is infinity decided to do this whole project called creation so apparently there's something very deep that he wants that he wants in this connection right it's it's a very subtle thing the distinction is a very very subtle one now thou tebra says together with this you need a name lamata a person's vision because again as I said it could become very like immature not immature it could become a it could become a person just get stuck over there the real I the real eye searches for that which is beyond the eye the real I searches for the relationship with the ancient that's the name lamat of a Libra so he says now we come to the punch line here when Haman initially told the khashvadish to dress up this guy he says bring the Garment bring the horse and bring the crown and the end of the story there's no crown Haman gives the sus not the question Hama never gets access to the castle the king doesn't give him the kiss he asked for it but he never got access to it says the sense of exaltedness Hammonds gets the source sources two times because we have gases of kedusha gas means arrogant gas but we're learning here that there's a gases of kadusha a sense of self a sense of self is not evil sense of selfish Ness the crown of Prince this is from his mother um in Hammon you don't have the crown everything is right it says that Clipper is like a a monkey capping a person so whatever exists in kadusha existing this confidence in kadusha is going to be fake confidence in clip it's going to be fake but it's gonna it's gonna be like a a a a a a a monkey capping you you know because in order for there to be Hashem made that whatever exists in Contrition can exist in clipper you have wisdom here you have wisdom here you have love here you have love there one love is real and one love is counterfeit but it looks the same you have joy here you have what looks like Joy here everything is exaltedness arrogance and Clipper this is like we learned before he says but then there's a castle the castle doesn't exist it doesn't exist on the other side the cast of the crown this Humma doesn't have this is the naked of complete Oneness in Haman ultimately in clipper they can have all the things of kadusha that have value so you copy it but in the khuda of the Bittle mamash the one ishma that's what kessemales represents the crown of malchus which is the king himself it's like in the chessboard the chess you know you have the black side and the white side it's two teams and everybody has everything right everybody has everything and uh and then this Checkmate what's that Checkmate Checkmate is that the other king is defeated and you're left with one king now when you go through the board you go to the other side you can get back pieces right if you're porn if you play chess you go to the other side you can get back everything you can't get back you can get back you could and at the point the pawn could become a castle become a horse that can become a bishop it can become even a queen but not the king so he says the Indian of that Roman doesn't have access to that's the Bittle mamish that's the experience of kadusha and its core in its Purity this you don't have Zelo um because you don't have Zelo um so therefore Haman can't access it having things that Clipper can do why because that is defined by Oneness and that's not clipper anything that's a description of something confidence there could be real confidence and fake confidence there could be real wisdom and fake wisdom there could be real love and fake love there could be real relationships and fake relationships over the eclipse it doesn't have anything hmm how do you fake it this is the kudu you can't fake and therefore Harmon accesses all these in your name Harmon after the bitter he asked how is all these things and the answer is because there's Harmony it's higher than the Das Das is the way it becomes rational and this is at the core either it could be at the core or there could be confidence at the core so someone can access the Seuss and the lavush but the casser that doesn't access because that's the middle of this complete Oneness we're already the arrogance of Haman even in kadusha this is already this doesn't exist in the world of Harmony because whatever exists in the world of Harmony is going to be zelu Amazon this is this is already Beyond lawmaza this is the way one's confidence becomes completely one with the aim so if this is Vidal which means vidala Maven this will be enough for somebody who understands ah foreign because one is connected to the other because if a person really matters so then the person feels their value if a person feels their value then they're thirsty they have a desire to be able to truly live the best life possible so if they want to live the best life possible they want to connect with that which is real and the only way you could connect with that which is real is Bittle a when a person really has a sense of desire and thirst that's coming from let's call it a healthy ego I'm going to reach a place of I Look To Fine what is the MS what is the primius so that's why it works together that's why he says you have Liberia and that's foreign but he needs an eighth of an eighth an eighth of an eighth is a 64. that's 32 and 32 twice because you have limited and you have the heart the emotions the lathe one of samaj means the two come together this slave and this slave in other words you have to connect one to the other when you connect one to the other you have 64. so that it real so there's a very very delicate balance between self-worth and self-value but not in a way that leads to arrogance and negativity on the contrary in a way that leads to real humility in other words somebody in very practical terms it means somebody who has a very deep and healthy self-esteem they really know how to be there for somebody else they could they also know how to surrender they also know how to submit because it's not so dangerous it's not so dangerous when a person has an inner sense of an inner core they could really listen to somebody they could be in a relationship with somebody because there's a South there's there's something solid there you understand what I'm saying there's something wholesome I can create space for you when I'm an active trauma of just trying to survive all all all I'm busy is I'm holding on to it's like somebody choking me the whole time I'm just trying to survive I can't even be fully present in a relationship to be fully present in a relationship it's like a person doesn't have ear right a person is choking I say I want to talk to you about my needs I want to connect to you the fire burnings I'm just trying to to to cope and sometimes that's what a person is doing they're in an active place of just trying to cope the first path to Healing this is acknowledging it when a person could really really acknowledge it and see this is where my brain goes right either I have to run or I have to freeze or have to fight they call it you know fight flight freeze form or I become a people's pleaser which means the ultimate smarter this is where I have to keep on going why do I have to keep on going here because there is like this worm this the spiritual cancer this emotional guy that push it eats up everything by the person it's a very very tragic state and that's really where comes I have nothing all I have is which is a fake way of saying I exist the definition of my existence is that you don't exist that's the only definition of my existence every day I have another enemy and that's why people who live this way it's very hard for them to be in a relationship because everybody that comes close to them becomes their enemy because you're threatening me when there is a real sense of value in a in a sense he says then the person has a certain there's a core there's a stability I can actually listen I can grow I can hear critique I could be in a relationship you guys understand what I'm saying you don't understand what I'm saying you see it myself you could be in a relationship means you have to hear somebody you have to be able to give and take if I'm always threatened so then you're always the enemy I if there's a fire alarm you ever heard a fire alarm going off and if that phylum is in my brain 24 hours a day because my existence is threatened I don't have space for anything else just trying to deal with my fire a lot and most of my Cravings are just to distract me from my fight I don't even want things it's interesting without the Reba says there to have a timayan and a Chuka you have to have a sense of self I people what they don't you don't really want it you're just looking for the structure that's not called wanting it's called numbing now I have a phone now I have an addiction now I have a drink now I have money you don't want anything you're not thirsty for something you're all you're thirsty maybe for for alcohol but you're not really thirsty for something all you want is distraction distraction distraction distraction it's pain it's a reaction to pain means it's not pain it's a thirst I'm a yearning I have a yearning I want to be close it's a whole different Union of Chuka and Samoyed to really have a thirst and a yearning yeah you have to be able to have a sense of self that is Justified and wants to have a chocolate this is what I want he says it's a beautiful thing it's a good thing the fascinating thing is that it's still called Haman it's this Indian of Maisha moishes Bittle ah yeah self-esteem is very very important yeah but didn't turn self-esteem into the only reality of existence he says what happens is because we're damaged so we turn self-esteem into the biggest of it is out of the world because really you don't need self-esteem you need Divine esteem you need divide only self-esteem the real self doesn't need self-esteem the real self is looking for kayakma for insof yeah if you don't have self-esteem it's dangerous that's that's the beauty of the Mind here you understand as much as he picks up self-esteem areas it's pretty sharp it's so I'm going to therapy all these years just to reach Harmon in Kentucky but it's a very powerful nakoda because on the other hand if you don't have it the whole Bittle could be one big drama mess it's all a fake nothing with Bittle it's all push it the person doesn't feel they exist and the whole Bittle becomes another drug you have to be careful because when religion becomes a drug it's not religion anymore sometimes a person serves God simply to get away from self-hate if I somehow melt into God it's like another relief from me so that you're not over out of a relationship it's like people who let themselves become Health Care now it's better than some other relationships in terms of maybe things that happen but you have to know where it's coming from that's why he says it's so important to have this at the beginning of you have to be human yeah because yeah yeah yeah now you have Harmony Clipper we know how many Clippers that's the the Hitler complex the Hitler complex where if I don't own the whole world I don't exist and if there's one Jew alive I can't have many fish that's the epitome of of Self in the most toxic destructive way for the name of my ego I will destroy the whole world like the people like people who are ready to destroy the world for their ego you know it's called the Napoleonic complex dictatorships yeah dictators yeah what Putin is now doing what was he needed for summer he could have gone down in history with a nice Legacy built up Russia a big economy yeah make it a nice country yeah so what is he now going down in history is what why is he doing it it's not Seiko this is an example of something at your core is threatened you can't even explain it to yourself this last piece that's a very serious thing that's where you see the eye becomes the source of it doesn't make sense I don't care I want but now today says you have that introducer introduction means you don't need explanations to be a valuable person I want the I has absolute value it's what a mother gives a baby or a father and a mother give in attachment the mother doesn't say you're going to be a doctor you know what they say about the Jewish kids right that our two mothers were arguing from when a fetus is called viable you know with abortion they always ask when is it viable so one mother said when he graduates medical school and the other one when he graduates law school that's when they're viable so if that's the feeling that if a mother is failing because you're so talented and you're blonde and you have blue eyes and you're going to become a big doctor therefore I'm gonna nurse you and change your diaper then you're gonna end up with a hormone complex but this sense it's not the mother tells you because you're a smart kid and you're about Christian and you're going to be a become and you're going to be the god next guadalador and hopefully you'll also make a couple of dollars therefore I'm giving you love then it's not a mother it's not a father this sense of attachment is unconditional what does it tell a child I matter I have value that's what attachment does it's not Das it's not it's not with a beard and a husband sometimes in Yeshiva you're accepted on condition you're a good to eat from the eight sadas sometimes you're good sometimes you're bad sometimes you're good sometimes you're bad that's not what a mother is for it's not what a father is for The Heist it's a very thin line and then a person could be successful if a person has a sense of inner value then they can have desires they can have this a person wants to be successful no person essentially wakes up and says I would love to be a loser I would love it I would just love to be a loser there's something about being a loser I never met such a person and if the person does say it it's because there's something that they're feeling sometimes for them being a loser is a success story if I'm a loser nobody has expectations nobody has expectations nobody's gonna insult me again nobody's gonna I'll be able to survive without anybody bothering me you don't put yourself up for failure you don't put yourself up for criticism he doesn't need his father calling him a loser again I'm already a loser we're good your son is a loser he's good you're successful you have nachas huh but but this is the MS this is the MS so yeah when the child needs explanations why they're good that's already an Indian of of of of it's something is missing that's what how many is the I matter is been a good way could spend not because you have a thousand explanations why because that's the truth why why does God matter how much is God worth how much is a person worth me yeah it's not a contradiction yeah yeah the ultimate self doesn't need self-esteem the ultimate self is looking for Oneness with infinity the ultimate self moisturabeno had very good self-esteem he didn't have a problem with it when he had to fight he fought he stood up to the whole nation he he fought powder he fought he had no issue with self-esteem but it says he was the humblest person on Earth because he wasn't stuck in self-esteem self-esteem can also be a little trap that's what he's saying ultimately doesn't go to the person really is not looking for self-esteem however however if you go to that without self-esteem it could be dangerous that's it it's a very it's a very delicate thing you say you see it here in this moment that's why Always whenever we speak about Bittle and the Hashem is I always make these mentions right you see in this mind but what he does here he says you need a little piece of Harmony of um but you know what you need you need that at least in the beginning you need it you need that sense of of Chuka and then there's a desire there's a heart there's a heart that feels a heart that feels means I feel you can't say love you without the word I I know on text they do it but it's not a sentence I love you why if there's no I what is my love worth if there's no I what is my love worth if I don't exist I don't value it you don't value it if there's no source of an emotion what's the emotion worth the power of love is I love you you understand if you feel your eye is nothing how could you value your love and by the way sometimes it's it becomes very painful if I really feel I don't exist and somebody shows love to me how do I how do I reciprocate it the opposite you know why Because deep down I'm saying to myself I don't really matter I don't know worth so if you love me obviously you're lying there's no meter love so so now you're a ghanaf so you're actually trying to abuse me um so I start hating you at least if somebody doesn't love me they're not my enemy you're my enemy you're obviously trying to exploit me and manipulate me because it can't be you understand how bad it is that's why sometimes in such marriages it's a disaster one spouse is giving love and the other one not only they can't say it or hear it every time the other one gives love it becomes even worse the relationship and and the other one doesn't know what to do like what should I do I should hate you yeah hate me it's much better if you hate me at least I know you're honest like I would say I hate you thank God you hate me good now we can be friends everybody else also hates me it's I'm laughing it's not so funny it's a very very serious wound because the wound comes from such a deep place it's not based on Das it's it's before that so this person is is is trying to express affection trying to express emotion but the other person is becomes a very very difficult situation and it becomes sometimes you have a person who's really giving a lot of emotion and giving positive love what the other person is hearing is the exact opposite they can't hear that there's a lot of different formations of this I'm just giving one example how a person could respond but it but it's this concept not only that at least nobody else tells me they love me when you start telling me you love me you're going into a place that I buried long long long ago I'm not going there you're like it's like you take a needle and you start poking you know uh uh a wound you understand somebody has burns on their back and you slap them on their back nobody tells me I love you when this person in the marriage or somebody else says I love you suddenly they're looking for an emotion that emotion has been buried years ago I disassociate I'm not going there so now this person becomes your enemy because they're threatening you they're taking you out of your your safety zone so these are all elements where we have to understand that a person needs to be able to have a shminist what's a Schmidt is the lathe and the lamids work together they have to work together the heart is the place of feeling of of self-consciousness of emotion allows that my emotions and my heart shouldn't be stuck in my egoic mind but it should be able to go to a place beyond ego should be able to go to a place of pure awareness where it could also be pure love your typhus so someone is the giluyim of matantara but that's already pure pure Oneness that's already that's already The Beatles that already doesn't exist other things exists foreign it's the value that comes based up you understand and any whenever that happens it means that there's no core attachment if I tell myself I'm gonna be the most successful in my office and therefore everybody is going to love me and validate me obviously there's something very very painful because I'm proving myself I'm living in a world where the eye doesn't really have value it doesn't have non-negotiable value I always have to prove myself in other words it doesn't really exist so instead of because I didn't get love so I need validation and a person has to be able to reclaim this so I'm going to look for validation my whole life some people their whole life they're going to be people's Pleasers or they're going to over Achievers but I'm always in a place of trying to numb the pain of non-existence so if every day I can get validation it feels good for 10 minutes first taste if I finish a speech and I get a standing ovation right like the best deal is always marked but at the end of a to give me a standing ovation right so how long does an Applause feel good five seconds till it stops maybe it goes another minute then you go out somebody says what you said the other day was epicursus boom done broken next guy oh you changed my life Hashem I exist and so there's people that they go from existence to non-existence a thousand times a day and then you come home your wife gives you a Misha beta so Mom is right you go to you get a compliment yeah okay exists now it's not even conscious that person doesn't mean bad the person is just trying to survive a person needs to have a sense of self to survive you need to feel your matter if you don't feel you matter even a mosquito needs this by the way even a b every but everyone needs to feel they matter in their own way their own way they need to fill their manner a person is a seller Miller Kim so you really you really matter so when you feel you don't matter it's a betrayal of God if somebody tells me my child doesn't matter my child is a worthless Mata it's a betrayal of me so if somebody says about themselves about somebody else you don't matter it's a betrayal of the Republic with people who were got the death penalty and they were hung so today says you have to hang them up and put them right away bury them don't leave it hanging why because it's a killer Kim Tully there were two brothers they were like twins and one of them became like uh the prince the king and the other one was you know a mafiosa criminal and he was caught and he was hung and everybody looked said the king is being hung so it actually says when you when you hang a petty criminal it's Hashem is hangings it's a busha so when you betray when you betray that self you're betraying Hashem it's an insultation don't put God on The Gallows so by a person also it's the telephone this is a real sense of self of dignity the deepest self is like we always says iron but you have to that itself has to be an Indian of a knee and then there's a place where this takai in where there's no one need but then it's the ultimate itself it's not it's not it's not crushing it's liberating it's emancipating I go out from the trap of of ego that's that's the ultimate self but then it's not a dinanyashus anymore huh that's Kester yeah real Bittle real Bittle doesn't need self-esteem but not because it's afraid of self-esteem it's not running away from it it's elevated yeah yeah you can't have avoid if you don't have a sense of self but yeah you don't you don't you don't want it to become a trap you don't want it to become a limited a limiting thing it's like if I'm busy A whole day saying do I have self-esteem I don't have self-esteem you know that itself is when a person has real self-esteem they can give it up too they can give it up to when you own a hair that's how it is when you own something how do you know you own something you can give it away right I could be in a show for 20 years I don't own this show because I can't give it how do you know you own something you can give it away how do you know your own self-esteem you can give it away if you own it you can give it away if you own your self-esteem you can give it away there was a artist Picasso so he once said the purpose of life the the I forgot it's a good line but something like the goal of life is to find your purpose and the ultimate purpose of life is to give it away or something the point is when you own something yeah if I own a thousand dollars I can give it away if I'm always borrowing your car I can't give it away so I'm saying when you could give something it's because you really have it okay everybody have a friend [Music] guilt can destroy self-esteem absolutely especially the guilt of parents the guilt for yiddishatas huh but I think guilt also comes sometimes guilt could be guilt can also be again guilt could be clip and guilt could be kadusha when the guilt causes me just to wallow in pain and self-pity and I'm just such a miserable person and I ruined everybody's lives then it's a continuation of that element of not realizing a person's value if the guilt is okay I made a mistake and now I know what my mistake is and I want to do whatever I can to repair it as much as I can I can't repair everything then the guilt brings a new life that's what true verse says there's two words in Hebrews he says don't confuse the two ATS versus like a sadness a heavy Sluggers depression is a frustration a realization it's a pain that wakes me up at I say let me go to sleep as I say let me wake up yeah it's a there's a drive yeah there's a pain there knowing exactly there's a disappointment there's a frustration um there's grief there's grief but the grief leads me you know let me try what could I do and there's always a lot people can do you know people's relationships with their children don't end when they're 19. you know you'd be surprised you can have a child who's 50 years old 60 years old and a mother calls up a father calls up and says something really special to them it means the world to them people don't realize just because you're 60 and you already have you know your own grandkids it doesn't mean you don't need a father and a mother to give you validation and love it's very powerful people don't realize this they think you know I ruined my kids now that my kid is 40 50 60 70. kids remain kids they say that rough cook his mother's funeral she passed away she was an old lady cook and he was sobbing so somebody asked him you know obviously it was very sad but you know she was a very she was quite an elderly woman so he said nobody is ever going to call me again of Ramallah you know if Cook was a controversial figure well he said nobody ever is going to call me again huh it was a certain innocence you understand a certain a certain security that he knew it's you don't get it in the world can put him and what we learned here and the prince in here Tuesday evening at eight right here they're gonna set up with food and music and everybody's invited after the soda to bring your children or your friends anybody you want to open up that can of worms at the end which one [Music] oh clean this camp for a long time only when you open the can of worms can you open the cans all the other cans huh I forgot I forgot all those previous year and years ago I used to listen to them whatever it's all I guess it's all important foreign he became a conduit no Cassie was no the caste wasn't given no the other things Hammond took and put it on and he's the one who gave it all tomorrow he led him on the horse and he put on the garments mouth was here she had her crown the Queen's Crown yeah but Le Paul never got the question to give tomorrow says because that you don't have in zelu um right this is the casa the Indian of of of of levus and sauce you can have it in clip you can have it in and you have the exaltedness in kadusha which is also the idea of Haman after the bitter but then he could have cast over there there's no competition there's no zalom it makes sense because right that's what it is the pure it's the pure Oneness there's no counterfeit there's no count everything else has a counterfeit confidence is counterfeit love everything wisdom you can have brilliant wisdom but it's fake with counterfeit wisdom it's using the logic to be manipulated to be manipulative yeah every quality has benefits what's Bittle and Clipper then it could have Bittle not fake fake humility foreign the second letters came that the Jews couldn't do whatever they want to defend themselves yeah well Esther already got the agreement they sent out all the darpanem all the emissaries with the new letters to all the regions of letting everybody know and shushan they already knew before they could carry weapons they could do whatever they want to their enemies free reign the king gives them full permission it gave them the confidence to be able to defend themselves any way they want and that's what they did permission to carry and permission to fight back and permission to uh to take a stand not to surrender who trained the Jews oh well they had from Nissan to other to train the second day of pesach you should add something to the meal the party which she where she got hormone to be executed that was on peso so it says that is a minute to do something extra to eat something extra at the party at the at the suit of the second day of peace [Music]