CHANGE your ELUL FOREVER!!! #whatapod EP. 6

It's a human being question like what's it all about? Is it all about how much money I am asked? >> It's so dear to me. I don't want to mess it up with anything. >> Every go wakes up in the morning and washes the hands and puts on the shoes. >> It's hard for you. Shf is hard. You know, you're lost. >> Talk to Hashem. >> Cuz if your shabas doesn't connect you to that, then why you keeping Shabas? >> Some people go 70 80 years without never being connected to Hashem. very interesting thing that happened. There was a moni ordinary I won't say the because it doesn't really matter. He's Yiddish. He has a Yiddish and he cares and he heard the first podcast we had and it ringed the bell. It awakened him. What would you say happened to him? >> Was like it was more about a story or or traveling considering what we did. But at the end I we spoke we we both had passion about yiddishkite and sharing yiddishk and he was like you didn't speak much actual yiddish you spoke about the importance of it and he says he was like as you said it's like I don't know much about yiddishk of course I put on fill and I keep shabas what is it >> yeah as you said it woke it s struck a chord that >> teach me something >> that was the word struck a chord so I think what we spoke about a lot in that episode was there's a lot of that don't know what is they yeah they go to the oven three times a day with minion and but there's not much meaning not much feel to it >> there's a lot of doing a lot of doing >> exactly exactly >> very very not so much being >> one of the things that most bothered me at some point is I heard that some people go 70 80 years without never being connected to Hashem it's so sad >> but they do everything >> yeah Yeah. Yeah. Everything cool. They have a family. They did everything by the book, but they never read the book. >> So the same man called me and called you and he ran after both of us and said and said, "Stop speaking so much about the importance of knowing about Yiddish K. Actually say something about Yiddish K." >> Yeah. >> So I guess >> that's why we're here, I guess. >> Yeah. So we want to speak about what should we do? What would be the first steps? >> Living living aid >> living like a Yid in in the essence of it. And what a perfect timing. We've been trying to do this for the last few months. >> He did. That's right. >> And that's when >> that's right. >> Hashem said, "You know what? This is the time." >> So, kind of dive in. I wasn't planning to do this, but dive in. Something about which um which I've heard from many times. He would say, "We all know is right." which in itself is is is fascinating that the fear of hell somehow the the most famous is I love Hashem and Hashem loves me and it's not about you know I don't don't know why they made this whole fear of hell >> o the rabbi said some people do >> but it's it's an expression of love he would ask a simple question he said this whole us with Hashem loving Hashem who loved whom first >> and who loves whom more hashem loves us. So we're saying I love Hashem and by the way shouldn't it be shouldn't it be you know first >> right because he first of all is bigger than us capable of more love and he created us so he was here first >> his love is much greater so why are we saying it happens maybe the month will be called or something okay >> it's a side point um see what says a very a fascinating idea that every in all relationships, it's always the lesser of the two that determines the level of the relationship because a father could love a child and a child doesn't speak to the father in return for whatever stupid reason or legit reason. I'm sorry. >> So it's the mother the father the parents could love a child but love is different than relationship. The parents can love a child but there's no relationship only when the child starts speaking to the parents coming back having not speaking seven years to the parents now there's somewhat of a relationship I the parents love a lot if you don't love in return the parents may love but there's no relationship relationship is always determined by the lesser of the two you can't do anything about the level of the relationship you have with people you could love it's always about the lesser of the two so Hashem loves us totally irrelevant it's all about anil doi if I love Hashem, then we'll feel the relationship. >> So, he needs us to love him back. >> Otherwise, there's no relationship. >> Otherwise, there's a a waste of time creating >> a waste of let's love pouring out to us. And then when we ask ourselves, does Hashem really love me? I don't feel the relationship. Instead of asking, does Hashem really love you? Ask, "Do you love Hashem?" >> Wow. >> The reason you don't feel the relationship is not because Hashem doesn't love you. He loves you. It's totally irrelevant his love. So some people could go 70 80 years without feeling Hashem's love. >> Not because Hashem doesn't love you. Because you don't love you. Because they don't love Hashem. >> Because they never invested. So what would be step one for somebody who is an ordinary man? He does it the right way, but he doesn't feel anything. What would be step one? >> So that's a very good question. So yeah, we need to step back and we need to always ask ourselves what's it all about? In other words, a a a simple question every human being should ask themselves at a certain point in their lives. >> Not just it's a it's a human being question like what's it all about? Is it all about how much money I am as how many chickens I managed to eat or raise if you were a farmer? >> What's it all about? >> What is it? >> No. What is it? So you're asking what's life all about? Why bother? >> What am I here? Why am I here? >> Why? Why rat racing? Why? Running through the WhatsApp. >> It's all about everything you do. What is it all about? And by the way, you need a very quick clear answer because I always give this example. You meet you're in the airport, you're going to Israel, whatever. You're going to to sur and you meet your friend say, "Oh, hi." You see your friend slapping suitcases and you say, "Nice. Where are you going?" And he says, "I don't know. You know, there's plenty of destinations. We'll see." Nobody says that. He's probably any get don't he's not getting anywhere. >> Nobody says that. Nowhere in life. You don't meet someone in the street. You don't meet someone in the grocery or in Florida like where are you going? I we always have a destination. But somehow about with life itself I don't know. We'll figure it out. Life in itself we no clue where we're going. >> How come? And it's so much more deeper and more important >> because we're taught to do Shabas. You know Shabas is all about the dos and don'ts. So, can we blame the ones who taught us? >> No, because it's not a blame game and we're not going to get anything from blaming. But we're going to learn. >> But don't we love blaming? >> We love blaming. You know the moral of blaming is you don't need to work on yourself. You just throw on them >> and that's it. >> And then we'll enter our graves blaming a lot of people. >> Wow. >> You could blame. You just won't make it. we won't make it in life if we >> so what would be the age that somebody's usually would open his eyes and say okay I got to figure this one out >> or what would be the age that he has to like what by that age if he didn't start figuring it out poor kid >> I know there's no ending to the game because that's why we get 120 years because everybody has their own length of a journey >> so that's part of my answer we have a long life um I was giving him over the And um someone asked me this question and it was some type of this discussion. Someone asked me but most people only when they're 40 >> right >> they wake up. >> I'm almost 40. I'm ready to wake up. >> And the answer is I thought the answer is yeah human beings are pretty slow. Forgive me nothing personal. It's just that's the way Hashem created us. A lion is born >> and he's ready. >> Three hours later he's running. Two months later, he's fenting for himself. And we I have a kid living in my home, thank God, born in my family, and he's really one years old to talk and have a conversation with him. >> Why? Why is it that way? >> To show us that we have to show us that we have time. It's okay. It takes a year to walk, takes two years to talk. It's fine. We have time. You'll be 30 years old and you'll be thinking life is about making money or life is about this. and I get all the all the vacations and then at a certain point yeah round about by 40 but it's fine we have time has time he wakes us up every morning >> so we shouldn't be in pressure from from age or time >> the younger the younger we do it and we start living it's you're missing out we miss out years and years of Shabas Shabas is all about oh I'm not allowed to use my phone in Shabas and you could miss out you're missing out missing out on you're spending time talking to each day >> I have a whole story about Shabas maybe this should be a good opportunity. >> Talk to me. >> I didn't uh I I don't think I ever shared it publicly. >> Share with me, please. >> One second before I share this. I want to say that the guy that did not figure it out yet, he doesn't know that he's missing out. >> That's right. >> You're saying the younger he is, he could figure it out. But he doesn't know that he's missing out. >> But he will ask himself that question because most people most people ask themselves the question at a certain point in their life. What's it all about? And so they see life is so much richer, so much so much more meaningful. >> Yeah. I hope I'm not going to regret sharing this story. >> It feels sounds like a good one. >> Yeah, it feels a little too personal. Um I'll say it anyway because if one or twoing a lot are going to change because of it. It was all worth it. >> Um that's how I I gained my own amaba. It's a a shortcut I found. Talk about it on the air and have another one. uh absolutely inspired and then you get you gain a little more if I may say you've had those moments before which you weren't so sure >> you've shared >> there may have been moments of embarrassment too. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> And but but >> some some of them I regretted but uh I just didn't regret it. >> My my I'm I'm an open book. Amnon Nitsk used to be the the popular guy. Yeah. Rabbi Amnitzk used to be the popular guy when I was a BHA. Yeah. And he used to always say that uh he has millions of hours of toy because right he's he's multiplying. So he he always recommended to people to do the same to get you're doing the same. You're you're >> um traveling and you're bringing a lot of people for sure >> the the greater level. He said someone could be in the level of of fulfilled his mission and his his language is I haven't seen it for quite a few years but it's you could be almost the level of avi but you don't reach the level of someone who's people for this reason because when you someone you multiply >> all their mitzvah are yours and they have children and >> and inni you share it's like a fire it's not like you took away from that candle a little bit of fire. And >> AI, I want to hear your story. >> I know. I'm trying to push it out. >> I know. >> I'm trying to push it out. Go ahead. >> Um, story in short. Uh, my shabas table, it was a do thing, right? It was let's get it done. So, by the fish, my kids were still small. So, I can I can Yeah, young >> and small. Um, by the fishish I my CD was over maximum a half hour. I was I was in and out. I was doing my kesh doing my taking the newspaper on the couch clashing. I'm sure there's one man that's listening to this that knows exactly what I'm talking about. Absolutely. >> One day I was to come to Karuni and this is probably the best ad for Karuni ever done yet. Uh he's not a big marketing guy. He just does with his nom you know he brings the guys. That's why you're saying on a although it's unpaid ad >> right it's definitely certainly >> deserve me doesn't have he's not a marketing guy has an issue and he and he and he just does fatal so this is ano the whole for sure for sure I personally have seen me in this whole process so I'm I'm busy in my shield so >> um for sure it's also and laser gma for sure um so they called me for als capella Uh what do you call that? >> Quiet. Yeah, that's right. >> So I'm not the nicest singer, but I have a very loud voice. And Shabas, it comes in loud in handy. Yeah. Especially you don't have mics and anything. >> So I used to go with Mich back in the day. >> Okay. >> Abbeovich is laughing his head off right now. >> Um Le voices also a little bit. >> But I was there. I was there with you. I was of course >> and and and we used to go together. So one day Kafuni was was uh coming short there was not enough he calls me up I never know about I I I didn't think that it's for me and he said okay just come as a choir you don't have to bring your wife you know the choir can come just a few so I came with another and uh I was there for the shabas now in between the cedas there is dishes >> so I'm looking for the nonedish speaking because I don't know if these yish came to mind nonedish speaking >> um I don't remember exactly that shabas lecture you were speaking but there was one in particular right after the ceda called Rabbi Mimmon Elbaz >> he was probably there once and that's it came for me >> absolutely >> now you're going to hear the story he's a safari >> short little guy >> he has books called toic >> how do I know because I bought one >> that I gave away part of the story already but uh I walk into this place because he's the only English speaker right now >> and I'm the only only me and one more guy were there >> wow So I went to sit a little closer to him. There was nobody there and it was a little dark cuz they were preparing the the >> the keynote session for later. >> So something was it was like a darker room and it was barely people just me and another guy. And he starts talking about the wife preparing for the Shabasa since Sunday. And he says already on Shabas she's planning what she's going to do better. and and he starts going into detail >> of Shabas >> Sunday what she does for Shabas Monday what she does for Shabas and Wednesday it gets intense right she does this whole shopping and and Thursday she puts on the the tablecloth and it it's like a climax it goes better better and she puts in so much effort and finally she finishes she puts on a tickle >> she sits down and the husband comes home from shil and for some reason I don't know till now why and I should call my mech actually gave me the number I never called him >> maybe somebody's going to send him this but uh he looks right at me there's nobody there he like comes to my chair >> and he starts crying >> wow >> he looks me dead in the eye and he says what did you do for the shabas table >> I hate this part >> I realized it was the first time in my life somebody said set said set said set said set said set said set said set said set said set said set said set said set said set said set said set said set said set said set said set said set said set said it in color And somebody notabad not came the shabas dish. No, no, >> but somebody just explained to me basic what I have been doing to my wife for years. >> She's been preparing for Shabas. >> I'm a murderer. >> And did you just >> I saw myself up. Wow. >> I saw myself as a murderer that minute >> and for the rest of the Shabas I was shut. My wife wasn't there. I came and uh it took me a long time to to like cope just just just realizing what what what am I thinking? I I know for me Shabas was sleep as much as you can in between the the the >> but the wife prepares it. >> I I didn't think of it at all. >> I didn't think of it at all. And from that Shabas on >> my Shabas table takes easy two and a half three hours. >> Beautiful. >> We sing. We we we we talk. It's like the Right now it's the best part of my week. Bam. >> That's absolutely beautiful. >> And this is a full credit to Kuni. >> Shabas is supposed to be absolutely beautiful. >> So when you said you're missing out for the sing that doesn't know and I didn't know. I started it just as as as not being so bad to my wife. I thought I'm a nice husband. You know, I'm doing my my duties. >> By the way, preparing the the le the candles of the husband's job, right? It's also the same idea because the wife lights but she she has a hard day in Friday and she know now she has to light the candles on Sunday she goes to the the counter wherever it is she says wow it's prepared not just as prepared he even you know lit it and blacken you know the wick >> it helps her that's why we do it >> the purpose of lighting shab scandals is if people know that that's why he >> right >> but like it's on her it's always on her no my husband was there before me he takes care of me >> so that's And I started understanding that there's more to it. Of course, I had my whole journey and everything, but >> so much more to chefs. Anyway, let's dive into it. >> Yes. >> So, could we back up to what we said? What's it all about? Yeah. >> So, it's interesting. I have a shy >> uh once a week, Thursday night in my house for men koggle. Of course, >> I am invited. >> You're absolutely invited. >> Thank you. What time? >> Um 9:30 >> every week. >> Every Thursday night. >> How many people? Um anywhere between one and 20 I mean when people turn up >> so what anybody's invited >> it's open it's open really >> okay is it or is it who is it I give I teach about 10 to 12 a week all of them are under the name Tamu Tamu means taste as in the there's no one who goes off the D you know I mean there's nobody who doesn't like Shabas you've never tasted Shabas >> right >> you never tasted it so taste it is all about come taste. In fact, traveling is also the concept tu because you know when we go in shabatons we don't teach yishkate people taste it they say I didn't know yiddish I didn't know shabas says that right >> in fact I had a story I I don't want to go off the top let's stay focused the first time >> that's right I remember that one yeah >> so yeah so shabat people look at that they say wow I didn't know shab I thought shabas is about don't do this and don't do that right >> sit in the dark and eat cold food there's no electricity Anyway, so um a couple of like two months ago or so at the shmansy there was a man sitting there before we started and he used this line which we all use which is what's dish >> okay >> who as I said before was he want from us >> yeah famous >> and then I said wait a second who was the first one that asked that question >> it's a happens been two weeks ago in It's exactly what you're asking. It's in the I said, "Wait a second. We want to know what life is about." Hashem says, "What does the want from you?" >> And then I noticed there's five things. So, we made this series, a five-part series, which is fascinating that it doesn't speak about it's not about do you know what I want from you? You better keep Shabas or there's a big ganam. >> Mhm. Okay. Now, each one requires a full sh. We'll have a full episode. >> Okay. Go in his ways. >> Okay. >> Whatever that means. And to love him. >> Okay. To serve him with all your heart. Whatever that means. >> These are all different things. >> Yeah. >> And and particular order. >> This order. I'm telling you the order and that's >> what is the fifth thing. >> That's the end of the puss. The next puss is oh you also have to do mitzvah. It's like the fifth the last you know and also and to do all the mitzvah because it's good for you. >> So what did we do? We did instead of all four first four we only focus. Why? Cuz you're going to go to ganim if not >> and the says we forget. The pudd says one second. Do you know what wants from you? Love him. Serve him with all your heart. And of course, you can't just um as they call it, you know, >> right? >> You can't just, you know, or I call it a cardiac Jew, you know, structure. >> You got you got to actually do things. But I want you to know the doing is because Kashabas is for your favor. Even Shatnas is for your why I don't you know, we could go through we can have a 613 part series, but everything is. So I'm saying not just we we don't teach and we teach doings because there's a big to say the doings because it's >> so that's where we begin. >> So we know that but what would be step one? What is >> good question >> is that >> but one second I want to be very clear again when people who do everything correctly they're amazing but it's from the from the five things they're only doing 20% of y >> wow even if they do everything >> correctly >> right >> it's five it's 20% so you need to have a sash and if you don't know what it is you'll never do it and it's pretty obvious by the way Because everything in life if you don't know what it is you'll never >> interesting now that I'm thinking of it the mitzvah are 20%. The other are there people that are focused only on the other 20% like only I have it. >> Yeah. So that's that's why I said there are some people who believe they are called I'm a Jew at heart. It doesn't work. It's amazing you have and >> but he might be doing the same amount and the sing that's doing everything correctly. So the is to say that that those other things are if you have just those they're flying without a foundation. >> So first there's doing >> so better start that somebody has just the foundation. >> Yes. Because because here's an example I always like to give. Imagine I come home come home one day my wife tells me um the refrigerator doesn't seem to be working. >> I hate those. >> Yeah. You know those. And I go what do you mean you what do you mean it's broken? Like you probably overloaded. You probably keep break I mean you are at home with the with the fridge all day. Not me. You know I'm in Brooklyn teaching. >> Yeah. >> And like you don't know you to go because of you. It cost now $1,500 or whatever and I make her feel horrible. Yet I go out and I buy a new refrigerator. >> Why? >> It was the right thing to do. Did I build my relationship? >> No. >> Probably not. See, imagine I say no. She tells me that and I say don't feel so bad. It's okay, honey. >> It happens. >> Things happen. It's not your fault. Love you dearly. It's fine. It's life. Isn't that better? >> It is better. It could be even better. >> One second. That's That's amazing, right? It's nice. >> Yeah. >> Next day I come home from work, she tells me, "Do you remember I told you yesterday that the you know, I'm sorry. The refrigerator doesn't seem to be working." I said, "Yeah, honey." I said, "It's fine. Don't worry. Things happen." >> Like two months later, I'm still loving her and things happen. >> Could you stop loving me and just buy me the fridge? >> Yeah, you need a fridge. >> It's idea. So, so you know, we we need a functioning home. It's a good example. >> In a relationship, you need a function income. You need, you know, chairs, table, fridge, freezer, >> you know. >> So, which one of the hammock or whatever is important, >> we can use a hammock. >> Yeah. But one second. But then the love is the relationship, but just love it's empty. So, so we have to know what brought up is of course we we're trained is we're trained to give Shabas. Great job. But now take that shabas and connect it to that because if your shabas doesn't connect you to that why you keep giving shabas >> right >> you know you said it's perfect that we're doing it now >> we were supposed to do it a couple of weeks ago and I was thinking it'll be perfect if we do it in the nine days because you know the whole of your >> Yeah that's you heard that from me by >> yeah yeah I heard you was very sad like it's interesting I You do shabas then why am I doing it because each mitzvah has to connect you to thrish >> and if it doesn't >> if it doesn't it's like did I ask you to keep shabas or bring out bunas? So now one yogan would say okay forget it I'm not no let's figure out why it is sweet and how you do connect. >> That's right. >> It's so much more simple and easy than it sounds. It's not like a whole to-do list which how would you focus? What would you do first? >> So it's a good question. So that's why I said um it sounds like people ask the question on this and it gives us long list of things all I want is like that's not so simple but the answer is it is it is because all means one word relationship [Music] >> I want a relationship now if you look at relationships >> these are the most fundamentals in every relationship >> so if you squeeze everything in to just focusing on the relationship everything becomes mimila like like it it >> yeah you you'll notice that they're all a aspects of relationship so it's not it's not a long list of things they are elements of every relationship >> is it true that the only reason we have a family kids brothers sisters father mothers just mushulum to understand the relationship how we're supposed to work with >> beautiful is that the only reason probably there are probably other reasons but certainly the main reason of course everything we have in Well, there's a mushul to understand the sh get married to understand what it means a true warmness. >> So if if the wife is the most right, it's the peak of this mushul, why do we need all the other mushroom as well? >> Very good question. Very good question. >> Because sometimes when we're in a bad mood, we should at least have one of the other relationship. >> That's one way of looking at it. Also, which other ones? It's interesting. We do say Oini Malci. >> Yeah. You're turning this way. I'm turning it to you. Okay. >> Okay. We do say Oini Malcane. >> Yeah. And she so much of it is husband and wife, >> right? >> But there's also beyond like who is hashem? >> Who is >> but the answer is the answer is yeah because >> it's up to you. >> Yeah. But again is it is it you asked a good question. Is it about husband or wife or is it anything else? The answer is there are certain some there there certainly an element which you know your cute little daughter your daughter. >> Yeah. >> Cute. very >> so you think of your daughter like however much you have a good relationship good there's there's something which your little daughter can't could give nobody could give >> okay I hear a good joke I need to call up my sister in Manchester >> because there's something about a sister which nobody nobody gets my sister get will get that joke the best >> right >> so the all of that >> he fills every void >> I mean if someone's missing a father in figure in their life or sister or daughter ultimately The with us is the greatest love and oneness, a husband and wife. >> That's right. But he fills the void of >> we started today. >> Wow, look at this. I didn't think of it. >> That's right. Beautiful. So he fills the void of fills the void of any anything else. So that so that's why we have to begin recognize that it's a relationship. >> So when someone did not develop yet a relationship, it's hard for him to grasp that thought and understanding. And even someone who started just one of the kinds of relationship, it's hard for him to be consistent with it and do the other kinds of relationships. You're saying he fills every void. There are a lot of times that feels a void and doesn't know how to fill it up with Hashem. >> Yeah. So I think we have to back up again. Back up to first believe that. >> I think >> believe that it's possible. >> Believe that we are here to build a relationship with Hashem. >> Okay? Because once you don't if you don't have that then you say what we're talking >> so the fundamental understanding >> is why Hashem created the world in the first place >> just to have a relationship with him >> to give us the pleasure of having of choosing a relationship with him. >> Wow. >> Think of the wordings. >> Okay. So say again. >> Hashem wanted to give us the greatest pleasure of choosing to have a relationship with him. >> Cuz if it's not chosen then then you didn't you didn't choose this relationship. It's a then you're a robot. >> So it's not really a give and take thing. >> It's a relationship. We are one and this the greatest pleasure one could have. >> It's a becoming one with him. >> Yeah. >> How >> then we have to understand how relationships work. So it doesn't work backwards that we're here anyway. And then you know what? If if it's also relationship, it could be if you understand that this is the essence relationship to enjoy him, enjoy the relationship from all the pleasures out there, the greatest pleasure is to have a relationship with. So everything aim should look for is how do I connect to Hashem that's right on a deeper and meaningful level through mitzvah through a bunch of tools. >> Sure. In other words, in other words, if we like again we're bringing in a lot of serious time we're going to start again and we like to make in one word what's how am I? How am I doing? Right? So how would you measure what you measure is how are you? One could say how do I dav do I dav three times a day how much to do I say >> if if I go to the to one shield I'm the over there and if I go to another shield I'm the the light the guy >> how so how do you measure for your >> how >> am I enjoying my relationship with >> wow >> cuz don't show me how much you've said irrelevant or a lady would say how sneious they are amazing >> all those are doing there is something in the effort of doing if I can't do anything else or I'm not making progress in feeling or seeing or understanding that I'm saying the tail. >> I I I humbly disagree. >> So don't bother saying to him unless you >> No, I didn't say that. That's for sure. No, what I'm saying is it's difficult to make progress sometimes. Let's say Daffy and I know that's very passionate to you. >> Very hard for me. >> So some people >> I do it every day by >> That's right. So that that I agree with your wordings. Just do it. >> Why? Because in doings it takes time to devel to to develop a a appreciation okay and how how much you love it you it will get you somewhere >> you so at least do it at least do it when we talk about the essence of y I'm trying to build a relationship so if someone says to him I'm not saying every word of him they excited >> right >> at least the feelings is hashem wants me to do this so you don't need to work on on developing a great relationship you why am I doing this because hashem wants me to do And it builds a relationship. >> Yeah. It makes me closer to him to say the words of Duva which he knew what he said. >> So it's not like a goal. Of course you'll you'll develop it much more and you'll appreciate getting closer to him for sure. But what I'm trying to say is it's it's not like hey at first just do without feeling. Of course do without feeling the ultimate relationship but why should you do it? Just one before you do it. >> Why am I doing it wants me to do this? And in every relationship we should do what the other person wants. >> I just remember now my highazine told me that it's to stop in the middle of learning and say I'm doing this to get closer to Hashem >> for sure. >> So that's what you're saying. >> There's a Mishna which people have a little hard time with the Mishna. You probably have some trauma in that Mishna. I'm trying to remember what was heard you with this means you're middle of learning >> because you still look quite a beautiful tree >> it's terrible it's like so I should never have started learning in the first place >> right >> you know what I mean >> no it doesn't it just it means if you think it's a >> he it's like don't you see >> exactly so if it's part of the relationship let's back up. >> Yeah. >> One question and everything boils down to that. What are we here for? We're here to build a relationship with Hashem. >> So, how will we start? >> So, how do you build any relationships? >> In other words, >> go out in a meeting. >> I get this question all the time. How do you build a relationship with Hashem? >> Yeah. >> The answer is repeat that question without the last two words. >> How do you build a a relationship? >> Period. >> How do you build your relationships with people? >> And I would say what is his botherness? >> I call it I don't call it his bother. I call it you're on a date tonight. You have a date with Hashem. >> Would you have a date three times a day in Shil and >> Indeed? You should have more. >> Indeed. But then >> we're having a date right now with Hashem. >> That's right. Here's my question. You should have more. Forgive me if I ask you a personal question. More than three times a day. You say to your wife? >> No. >> Okay. So, you say hello in the morning. Good morning. Every normal person says hello in the morning. >> Before you go to sleep, you have a little few minutes. Middle of the day you should check in with your wife. Yeah. But then there's then >> there's special moments. So once a week you should have a date, >> right? >> So we do in the morning we check in. It's called shak. >> You know it's called m middle of the day quick filler. But once a day once a week have a real conversation. >> When would you say that the shab make your time? So shabas is the designated time for your date. Yes. >> To be more into it away from technology. That's why away from technology cuz that today's the day which was our date. The whole shabas is all just about that. Every day we check in with then we have dates and we dates and then there's there's anniversaries and and birthdays. We call that you know here and there there's an anniversary. >> That sounds very good. So that sounds like a start of building a relationship. >> Understand? We have to have conversation. So in you know we're not going in order of the because I would say that's in of having a Yeah. second one. >> It's the fourth. Actually, >> fourth. >> So, we should start in order. We should start with >> You don't have to, but we could because I I believe there's a reason it's a buildup. One of the biggest mistakes is is translated as fear, >> right? >> You're not building any relationship when you're afraid of someone. I'm sorry. >> So, what kind of is it? >> So, there's two levels. You can either say or >> Yeah, it's or um unlike you know the the the word is used too easily in America today. You know the pizza's awesome >> or celebrity stroke. No. >> No. But yeah, but I'm saying the word awesome is used too. Awesome is a heavy heavy word that's just abused, >> right? >> As I said, it's used for for state. >> So he is awesome but it's not a good enough word. >> That's right. Full of awe. Yeah. >> Right. So what what what else would it be another way to explain you? >> But if anyone's ever had a uh opportunity to stand near one of the >> you said I think you felt that when you're in the room bels it >> it's funny because I don't think he's ever he would give you a slap on your face but you're afraid. >> Yeah >> you're afraid. Yeah there you >> certain year you come into his room there's a certain >> Yeah. So if I had that with a praki is interesting. I mean everyone had that with I had I asked him once and he said so I was like standing like when I was in and I asked him quietly this question and at the third time he said write it down I can't hear you and I >> no he said should I hether you know shout the question or write it down I'm not going to shout I'm standing next to the god of the door I couldn't I just couldn't I was I was I know I was so lost I was like >> oh give up >> but what was I afraid of >> exactly >> I'm standing next because of the a >> wow a wow moment. So some people translate that the definition of wow is like beyond which I expected and when you say wow it's like wow >> right >> so in fact they they translate kudos somewhat as wow because of kudos kudos kudos >> you think when you're there wow now I know everything no no when you go to the next level it's complete new wow compared to the previous wow and we have to rebuild that within ourselves >> so the one difference that I would see and and and that could make it hard for me personally to go in such a route is when you walk into >> Yeah. >> you walk into a Okay, now I'm in here. So where do you walk into? Is it supposed to be in shield? >> Very good question. Very good question. Um >> a very good question. Although I have another question. >> Yeah. >> Before we spoke about if it's supposed to be a husband or wife, I don't want my wife to feel that towards me. That's why I said ya has two translations. We could say or >> but do do you want to have that relationship with someone? >> No. >> So you asked a very good question. A where do we do this and b we don't want that. So as I mentioned before hashem has everything all the it fills all the voids. So we need that awe for sure. That is why you can ask a third question. Let's say the answer to your question would be sh isn't hashem all over. So we need moments of that awe to remind us who he is. Don't get too close buddy buddy. >> Right. >> As the puss said from it was like too much. Okay. So therefore we have a shield and if we were dab the way actually wrote the s we we walk in to shield we recognize you meant to stand. You're meant to stand by the door of the shield. You've seen the roof walking in. Yeah. Hey, he stops two three seconds stop and you look I'm about to enter the concept >> the room of Hashem >> host of the lord room of why do you walk three steps before it's all in your mindset forget about for a moment I'm entering a deeper space it's all supposed to put you in a mindset of awe so yeah the answer to your question was specific answer yeah is shield But I said we don't want that. So there's a time and place for everything to rebuild the the loving relationship you have with Hashem. He's also the king of the world >> I would say. So one of the steps that the man wants to levan he wants to put his attention to in building the relationship should be more respect and shield >> for sure. >> Shouldn't come in holly jolly and then and then >> for sureing everyone. >> For sure. But then again again my other question to you was we we want ultimately the ultimate relationship with Hashem. Every time we say a word, every time we we make a we say but yeah we because we do have that relationship with him say you know the king no but every time we say such a thing next word is hashem you know the god of the world my personal god he's also we have to be careful on both. So it's always balancing. >> Yeah. So the shield is the is the buildup of the all. But I I want to come back. I think there's a deeper and more fundamental and and why it's going to be the first of the list because if you understand that relationship and the entire tas of life is to build a deep relationship, you're going to have a fear of missing out. >> That's what you're and that's why I suffer as FOMO. That's the reason I I listen to rebellious defensky >> because of FOMO. >> Yeah. Something so much fun. Yeah. >> Now, so you understand that in husband and wives, there's like things which you've been married long enough to know that still things I didn't Oh, I didn't know that this bothers you. >> Wow. >> Why didn't you tell me? So doesn't want to have those moments in 30 years from now. I didn't know you want me to tie my left sholes before my right sholes. >> Right. >> We have shim. We're very mid on all our >> to not mess up the relationship. >> Not to mess up the relationship. >> So it's not a fear. Oh, he's gonna slap me. >> That's right. >> Which is the wrong fear, the wrong translation. And that's what we heard forever. That's why we hate >> the wrong fear. The rabbis wrong fear, but there's a there's a slightly better fear which is awe, which is true. >> But that isn't the essence of the relationship. The or is not the essence of relationship. It's one aspect. You have to go into the sh and I agree with you. We could talk about it maybe respect but there's enough people that speak about that respect and not talking issue which is true. That's one aspect of the relationship. But the essence of the relationship it's so dear to me I don't want to mess it up with anything. So I'm fearing to miss out on any detail that could bring me closer and hold this relationship together. That's why they say um should wear the ever bother you know is the filling. It says puts on them both. What's >> how come? >> Because wants to wants to do everything perfectly well. >> So a real mir is is because he wants to make sure to satisfy that relationship. That's right. >> To look for every other way. Somebody that puts on 80 kind of tits. >> Yeah. >> It's just for him. >> It's probably OCD. But yeah. >> No, the ones that there's only there's only two. Not everybody does that. two and >> is still here. >> No. Who was there? >> He was nervous is doing it. >> Oh, that one from That's right. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But no, not as close as would like literally he look sitting. >> Okay. He has no body. He fast from so so he probably has the tit and you don't see >> that maybe but again the idea is as the way you put it >> looking for >> and that's why it's the first because we all know that I have a balance not balance it's both simultaneously I have a because I have >> right so I >> it's a first it's the first means it's a fundamental I don't want to miss it >> so I'm think I think I understand one more reason or maybe you'll explain that it's all one. Uh the comes before everything because if you start with a it's all one big happy party and it's a mess because like you said it's already too cheap. >> Yeah. >> But if it starts with it starts firm you know in in the world they all respect their wife until they get married. Right. >> That's right. >> Because there's a I don't want to mess up this relationship. Now you're mine. I can do whatever that what I want. So it starts with you. starts with a respect with a structure with a with a >> but again yeah it doesn't it doesn't translate as respect it's y is it's I'm aware that's why I said the first the fundamental is knowing why we're here >> right >> if you know why you are here you're automatically going to have y >> right but I was trying to explain how I understand why comes before >> yeah for sure for sure >> I would much rather be busy with the and that's it >> but we we all we are that's why I said it's not a contradiction people think there are times to times have work hand in hand because I love you so much >> they elevate each other >> I don't want to mess up >> right and I and I but I do think that there are that are more focused than our with no names that are more focused than >> I wouldn't say so because I agree to what you're saying but I wouldn't call it more focus much more on seriousness and some some are focused more on >> yeah I call it >> but according to what we're saying Now it's not the happiest could also be y simultaneously cuz again ya means I'm going to do something so perfect because I'm afraid to miss out >> right >> so theid who are very serious >> and some are very more happy >> I used to think I wish I would be born to a more this type of that type because I'm missing out on hashem's avoidant then I figured out that it's the bigger to be where you are and light up you by the way I Just heard this yesterday. Beautiful. What is the word? Be you to the full. >> You to the full. Very good. >> It's good, right? >> Very good. >> That's when your beauty shines and that's when your nisha shines. So when you are in the place where Hashem put you and you shine there most and even better, I was always worried for Hashem that >> he's getting there's much better ones. Maybe everybody should transfer. No, for him is one. So he's getting all he's getting the this from Kabad and this from this from B. >> Yeah. But but the other aspect to this is although I totally agree with you, I just don't think that theidas has to own you, >> right? You still have to >> as if as if you know I'm in this place so this place they don't own you your own your essence and you serve Hashem the way you connect to the best. >> Right. Okay. That's that that's could be a whole full topic of how to separate your avoidance with the you are in >> the reason why most act like most is because most act like this it's not my line says says the reason why the most old yen and keep shabas is because all yed and keep shabas so we have it the same today the reason became Thisid acts like that. It's only because a few of them act like that. Everyone thinks that they have to act like that. If we all be individuals every should be very colorful with a mahal with the same but not not oh and now I need to cry be you >> even even better I would say if each one would focus on finding his relationship with Hashem. >> Yeah. For sure. We I don't I don't I I I don't know if to say we wouldn't need the gayla because the gayla would be that's the gayla. >> That's what gayla is. >> That's the gayla. >> Which is interesting. By the way, I just spoke about this morning. Um many lush kuredish wordings have two different translations which is complete opposites and with the same shish like gulis and gel. You notice they both have the gimm. Yeah. >> Which is the shish of the word >> gulus and ga is the same. Gal. >> Gal. What's g mean? >> Wave. >> Oh, besides the wave, it also means reveal. >> Reveal. >> If you would understand the depth of the gulus, you're in already. >> Should we keep going saying okay, you wanted to know here, you should start focusing on your relationship. That's it. That's the essence. >> I think that's more than enough for a lesson in itself. That's more than enough because again if you understand that everything boils down let's come back to the example you're at the airport okay >> right >> where are you going there's a oneword answer two word answer if it's if it's Sri Lanka okay >> relationship >> and that means when you're dabing or you're doing don't tell me don't say >> I'm getting close to >> I'm doing yeah I'm doing I'm building my relationship with Hashem >> so therefore um everything is about that so I mentioned before tying his shoelaces, >> right? >> It's so Some people say, "Okay, that's biggies." Why is Hashem so so petty? >> Why? Why is he busy with the small stuff? >> Because you have opportunity to build your relationship with even while you're tying huge. Thank you, Hashem. >> Doesn't mean 39. It means even while I'm getting dressed in the morning, imagine I can build my relationship because I'm putting on my shirt the correct way. My wife says, >> "Wow, that's so meaningful. >> You're putting on your shirt. You're putting You're doing it anyway. Every go wakes up in the morning >> and washes the hands and puts on the shoes." >> He does nothing. >> I'm saying every go washes the hands and puts on the shoes. So, I know you're going to do it as a goi. Why do you do it the correct way? So, because all about if your mindset is whatever I do, I'm building my relationship with Hashem. So now I know why I'm here to build my relationship with Hashem. And therefore all boil down to a oneliner. Why is why do I do because I'm building my relationship with Hashem. >> So even if you are doing any little thing even if you're going to of a friend you're making something to build you're building you're still building your relationship. They don't feel those bit if you know if you're into learning man to this >> and if you're on the other side which doesn't even know yet what a me a relationship with Hashem is and you're looking for your way just by focusing and knowing that 90% of what you're doing in the day you could say and have in mind that you are doing to build a relationship with Jim automatically you're going to start feeling it and elevating yourself and going into the right direction. >> Beautiful. So I was speaking to a good friend of mine in Mani on Friday just like ultimate very very special Y and I was like lament I was crying to him that it's so sad so many thousands of Yidden are just doing the thing without there. Yeah, >> but he said he thought he said something so beautiful what you just said. That's why you joged my memory. He says you know but everyone's doing it. It's a mind switch. It was good that you call it the system instead of blaming fake the system did a tremendous job to get hundreds of thousands of yen to do shabas >> right >> all they need to have max change instead of doing shabas connect to hashem you know I mean and then then we're there. So it's better this way it's better this way. >> Yeah. We wouldn't have survived the ghoulless without having we need a structure. >> So we're all there. We just don't have why we're doing it. It's a mindset change which is cuz Hashem loves us and by doing this you build a good relationship with Hashem. And if every mitzvah we do >> we do it with a simple cav this is roots in Hashem and therefore I am a happier person and I'm building relationship with Hashem. There's no greater pleasure having a relationship with Hashem than then as I said it all boils down to where that's what you're >> so what happens to a man that never tasted it and you all you're saying sounds like a mushul to him like a fog like it's doesn't >> the question is if that person has any relationships in their life as you said before why do we have relationships >> right >> does that man have a relationship with his wife >> let's say let's say he does if he doesn't have anything he's probably there's no way for >> so if he does he needs to ask yourself how is he building that relationship and then you again you can simply start it with thinkisha came into my life I'm sorry I came into Hashem's life right we came into life why again now it sounds like a lot of things it's not all these things aspects of relationship so start try verbalizing it I want to build a relationship I want to have a relationship how to have a relationship start talking to him so you call it as bothered start talking to your feelings He knows my feelings. Why don't I need to tell him? But he also knows that you need to pay your mortgage and you beg him. Okay. >> Why didn't they tell us even once in the whole 18 years that we did? Not even once. Talk to Hashem. This sentence, >> it's sad. It's sad. >> Nothing. Not bothered. This nothing. Just one sentence. Talk to Hashem. It's hard for you. Is hard. You know, you're lost. >> Just talk to >> Go on a walk. Go on a walk and talk to Hashem. >> Talk to Hashem. No. talk to the mush. Talk to your parents. Don't talk to anyone. Get out of here. Why don't talk to Hashem? I >> So it's it's a painful. It's a painful. But what I also want to say is we also they are doing it today. >> They're much better today. Much better. >> I think they are especially insan like the mystic of talking to Hashem is something they talk about. >> Yeah. >> And my son knows. You have to be careful cuz when it comes to the conversation of um oh I spoke to Hashem didn't answer me. So that's going to be a whole conversation for itself another episode when someone else sponsors the next episode. >> Wow. We should write down these topics because they're coming up in our minds. We would have a whole a whole >> I think we should have a whole thing on because it's the most obvious question. It's number one question in the book. Yeah. >> I asked Hashem so many times. Some asked me mish last week. Um he's been begging he begged Hashem for three years for something. He doesn't give Shabas and he tells me he's been begging for three years for something. Hashem doesn't give it him. So why should I give Shabas to Hashem? >> So give and take. >> Like there so many mistakes to that I don't understand him. I'm not judging him. He just doesn't know what Davik is. He doesn't know what Hashem is and he doesn't know >> what Shabas is. >> He doesn't know what Shabas is. As if you as if you need to give Shabas to Hashem. Hashem says I don't need your Shabas. If it comes from such a place, there's no no need for it. >> Need you. >> Wow. >> But you with yours. Don't not get confused with your >> Yeah. >> So again to wrap up. >> Yes. >> Let's wrap up this one and then we'll do some more on elaborating each one of these steps that you said. >> What was it? We just spoke about and then the >> mitzvah. >> Wow. So on this >> after you say such a thing like the the to-do list, the book, the the the the the way the the the the path after you see that path you say where was I 20 years. Yeah. And again and we take one mitzvah and like the nitty-gritty details of mitzvah and again any for the record but we zoom into that >> and we forget about threaten you with big >> and like it's like it's it's have you have you have you have you trained yourself inevit so to wrap I want to say one more line because the says famously on this says based on this what I want from you. That means everything is in his hands. This is in our hands. So what does it mean? No. >> That the has to come from you. >> Yeah. >> He won't do it for you. >> He won't do it for you. But used to because you need to >> but used to translate it as if if if you want something from someone's asking for money. Let's say has the right to say yes or no. >> Right? >> Because he's God. That's why he has a right to say you know should I'm saying has the right to say no. Right. But is the only thing which is not in Hashem's hands. If you really want it, he'll give it you. That means if you don't have if you don't have a real understanding in because you probably don't want it enough. If you would want it, you'll get it. Is not in Hashem's hands. If you work on it, you'll have it. >> He designed it this way. >> He designed this way that you must have it. So therefore it's you're asking how do we get there? You must warn it enough and do again we said item what's the double I'm asking and I'm so you could fool yourself to say I want you really want. Well what did you do about it? You know I mean how many people want to go on diets? Yeah >> and then bake cockash cake. Do you know what I mean? >> Yeah. >> Don't don't say I want that thing. I'm actually seeking and searching it >> planning looking for ways to get it. >> Now if you don't have your it means you don't want it. You say you want it you don't want it. So you want to know what's the first thing want it a relationship. So when you call I call relationship. >> Okay that's much easier to handle >> because otherwise either way you can ask on the says it's not true. So all these five things, >> right? >> Again means relationship. >> Okay. So let's say it this way. >> How does it start again? >> From relationship with if you really want the relationship with Hashem is going to give you the relationship. >> That's right. So much truth is it boils down to this line. >> I'm not looking for more. You know >> everything we last hour is the way you just said the beautiful from a relationship with Hashem. >> That's it. Which if you want it, >> you it's not in Hashem's hands to say no. >> Wow. So, you're going to get it. >> Finishing shas is in his hands to say no. You might not finish. >> Money, kids. No, >> I'm saying I'm saying even aspects of yiddish. >> Mhm. >> Even aspects of money, kids, marriage. I agree. I'm saying even aspects. Yes or no? But if you don't finish and you're still connected says I shouldn't finish >> but everything is in is in your hands in in relationship >> relationship >> in relationship it's all in your hands that's perfect to finish >> therefore oh therefore therefore I started with a question if I want the you feel amazing >> that was that was your that was beautiful >> thank you so much thank you so much like subscribe comment comment comment one One more thing, comment, okay? We need it. We want it. We want to hear from you. We read all of it. >> Did you mention comment? >> Oh, I forgot to say that. And subscribe, of course. If I didn't say that yet, I did. And uh see you next time. We're going to bleed. Do another five >> at least. >> At least, right? So much more to talk about. >> Yeah, we're just going to chill and >> Oh, we should say >> That's right. >> Right. after you say I don't remember what it is. >> So you go getting stuck in rules again. >> Yeah. But it's definitely it also builds a relationship. If I'm building relationship with another Yid >> and saying because I want him to have a building relationship but not from a specific time from whenever you want to say it >> but now for sure >> the more the marrier which means a year of living with