Git Gelt - Episode 3 | Use Your Brain | Stop Letting Society Control Your Finances

got a gift from Hashem got a gift from God and something it's called a brain unfortunately for whatever reason most people don't use the brain not only can it hold you back but it can actually cause a negative effect on a person and the society imposes on you what is normal and what is not normal especially when it comes to spending on weddings it comes to spending on SAS he causes you to have years you you you give up you despair if you can't keep up with the Joneses and so you're you're just you're touching on something so so crucial this is what we're going to focus today on your finances using your brain when it comes to finances get K the wisdom for your [Music] will and we are on okay good morning Reb yes good morning how are you Reb shulam listen I I couldn't be any better to start my day off with k x in front of me how can I ask for more than that that's that's so nice of you saying that the feeling is mutual thank you appreciate that okay okay so let's talk about we covered we covered the the first pillar we covered the second pillar right and today we're going to we're going to cover the pillar number three in order in or D Jew or somebody who follows us to have and their finances we discovered we cover two pillars and now we're going to get to the second pillar but I think maybe it's it's it's good to take a minute and quickly review the first two pillars so this way if if somebody listens to this without having listened to the first two they they should still be on board right okay so the first pillar was that you should find and do what you love doing right what your talent is and we're not going to go in too length to that you can go watch the first episode for that second pillar was reverse budgeting meaning that you should take the savings should be an expense and it should be the first expense and we covered in length how to do that and now finally we are in pillar number three and and pillar number three and there's a reason why this is number three and we'll talk about it in a few minutes but there's a reason why it's number three and it's important to be um you know I think pillar number three everybody can do in the second that they listen to it and most people already do it but I designed it in pillar number three for a reason that we're going to talk in a few minutes but what is pillar number three okay pillar number three is every person as far as I know got a gift from Hashem got a gift from God and something it's called a brain unfortunately for whatever reason most people don't use the brand they would rather you know I once heard a quote most people would rather die than think of course this is important important in every area of your life but even more important when it comes to your finances and this is what we're going to focus today on your finances using your brain when it comes to finances meaning don't spent because other decided that you have to spend for a certain for a certain expense and you know where we see that mostly is when it comes to certain expenses that the community has because uh uh because of the of peer pressure or because of culture um you can see it any times that the S is involved um you know you make a in in America we call that you know the the Joneses you know you try to copy the Jones us and and sometimes at least you know I grew up in a a fir family a family that we always wanted to do that I think and and and my parents always spoke about not copying the Joneses not wanting to be like the the the typical American secular guy that tries to you know stay away from from from I don't know what to call it maybe modernis modernism right try to stick to your Orthodoxy try to try to stick to what you what you have what you and and it's important it's an important lesson but you know what happens then you know it's interesting how this is happening but you know what happens then is that you stay away from the Joneses from the street and you pick the Joneses from your local Street meaning from your community from your place where you D so so if like it's still copying people but it's a different style and it's more beautiful you know it's it's you're talking about from people you copy them with beautiful things but unfortunately what happens is you stop using your brain and the society imposes on you what is normal and what is not normal es especially when it comes to spending on weddings it comes to spending on SAS Society imposes on you what is it that you should do and you're still copying the Joneses but you know the more righteous Jes let's put it this way right you're touching on something that is so so I mean it's just so crucial I you talking about keeping up with the Joneses and and it's not just in gash it's in Nas as well we we we we we're surrounded by all kinds of you know I let's just take an example I was speaking to somebody recently who just said they they're just they don't spend a lot of time learning anymore you know learning TI why because he was trying to do the death you me and he couldn't keep up with it and it was just too much for him and and he just so he gave up so I said why are you doing the D he says because he surrounded by everybody else who does it he felt so much peer pressure he has to do it but because it wasn't his thing it wasn't for him he just gave up so keeping up with the Joneses is not just in Go in all areas of our lives but it can have a neg not only can it hold you back but it can actually cause a negative effect on a person you C you to have years you you you give up you despair if you can't keep up with the Joneses and you know so I say you're you're just you're touching on something so so crucial that it it can have such a negative effect if we're not like you said using our brains to be aware of that right 100% and let's take it a step further and now you now we'll talk about how it comes into the the three pillars somebody's already already found why they love doing they do what they love doing beautiful the pillar one check next reverse budgeting they save for for Simas for retirement for you know buying a house whatever it is passive income they save and they do a good job they discipline check next o all my money is gone why because this is the standard because this is what everybody else is doing this this is what my friends expect from me this is what uh the society decided that you can't embarrass a or aala and to do this or to do that or not to do this or to do that is called embarrassment okay my whole financial plan collapsed now don't get me wrong I love beautiful music and I love levish uh kasas I love it certain parts of it I like M than other uh I like more than other parts but what bothers me is when I see so many people even people with money that have money people with they have the means and they spend money when they make SAS and all you know it looks like it's a very good thing why not you know they have the money but then you speak to them you see they don't even appreciate it they only do things because they hire a party planner who tells them you know all people in your category do this or that you know M why why do I have to do what others decide that is the normal take the money and save it take the money and do something that you love doing you know go play something I don't know or take the money and give it s to somebody else who's making KAS the same night as you make KAS your daughter and and uh and help somebody else you don't even like it that what that's what's so uh I don't know if I should laugh about you know you don't even like it why why do you do it and this is the reason why a lot of people's financial plan Falls up part but but you have to admit that at the end of the day it's not you know you make it sound so easy use your brain go ahead fight peer pressure but Lisa we we want to fit in our kids wanna our kids want to be a part of everybody else our our family we want we want to fit in you're you're you're talking about something you know which is crucial which is so important but at the end of the day it's not so simple you know I mean we we have a drive a desire to to to to feed into peer pressure for a reason so right so how how when you so using your brain like so what's what what are you what are you proposing how does that happen Okay so we want to fit in and I I want you to listen carefully you know maybe when we finish this this lecture this recording this episode I want you to look back to what you said and look back at the words that you used I don't know if you even realize the the words that you use you use the words we want to fit in I will our children want to period period period and then you came back to you so this is the excuse a lot of people use and I tell you why you why people use the words our children want and it's an excuse it's not because they verified it and it's not because they know it it's an excuse for people to get away with nonsense by using their children as a shield you knowas you know the terroristas they use the human Shields they use children as Shields we also use children for Shields to get get away with stupidity sometimes we use children's as children as as as Shields and I give you and I give you an example why I know that to be true okay um a few years ago I was involved with something called the $10,000 wedding wedding challenge you know you probably remember that I remember you were you were on the cover I think mishak it was on the cover on the Amy you know it was am cover covered all over the place and it made a it helped a lot of I know fact that it saved millions of dollars from Jewish people so from all kind of you know all all all circles I got invited to to to to to a g convention and then to certain killas called me you know it's a it's a long conversation maybe another time we'll go into more details but because of that people knew me that I I'm active in helping people in between you and me my activeness was more raising awareness not something on do this or do that I showed what I did and I raised I raised awareness so anyway long story short I still lived in New York I was in Israel for a few days a Yeshiva called me they they they it was a Isa with more uh mostly American boys American bam and they called me I should come speak for the BAM about kasas something like that you know the all B of age so it looked like they wanted to inspire the Bim to to think straight when it comes to SAS so I had a whole conversation with the B and I think the the I think the story is was written in the Ami back then so I I spoke it was like 50 or 60 bam American bam and I think one or two of them were KAS and the rest of them were not kasan yet and I asked from the BAM to show me by raise of hand how many of you were ever explained how money works and of course nobody raised their hand and when I was a boy I was not taught how money works either when you were a boy did they teach you how money Works Basics no so I thought maybe back then 20 20 25 years before back maybe they didn't teach it but now maybe they teach it but nobody was taught so I asked them do you know how much effort your father puts in into earning $5,000 most of them didn't know they didn't relate the earning and the and the effort that that that that they put into that so I had a whole conversation with them and I asked them you know they were all of them will probably or already go withas and average cost of back then was about $6,000 and I'm sure today it's much much more so I asked them if I ask you such a question I give you two options option number one to have a stro for $6,000 and your father should have to work three weeks full-time for that and not only that because of that he's not going to have what he needs in other areas of his life or or he's going to have to borrow the money or he's going to have to take a loan and repay with interest or without interest but basically it's going to cause him a lot of headaches and uh and heart Acts or I give you another option you should have a cheaper strumble maybe only two $3,000 and you shouldn't shouldn't be so hard for your father what would you choose yeah 49 B raised their hand that they would choose the second option so I told them you know why you know why so why don't Kasam choose that you know because nobody spoke to them they already they all told me because nobody spoke to them Common Sense what I just said is complicated what I just said is something that only I was able to communicated it's not something that every father can communicate with there some maybe not every but most of them cannot communic Comm unicate I think it's something very simple now after the whole the whole conversation it was like an hour conversation um they all committed they all committed to me that when they be going to become kasan they're going to make sure to tell their father and their future father-in-law that they don't want them to spend money on anything that's not absolutely needed they don't need it it's okay you don't have to buy me Furniture you don't have to buy me whatever you know in every Circle they have different things that they spend on so they all committed to it now one guy raises their hand and says no I don't want I don't want I want the best I want my color to get the best jewelry I it's G to cost so much for the and maybe they don't have the money I don't know what to tell you it's not my problem it's their problem I won that that was one guy out of 50 and I'm sure this Booker has other issues also maybe you know maybe a good therapist would help I don't know what but but but try to think you know and I I speak about in length in my book about this the upcoming book you know people emailed me you talk about the book you know what's the name of the book where can I buy it so I forgot to say it's not out yet it's I hope it's going to be out for for New Year for January 1 sometimes during something like that so so I I I I ask a question I ask a question and and I laugh when I talk about it because I feel like silly to talk about it but you know I'm one one of us I I'm also I'm also in the same Peck I ask a question when you send your children toer to school are you looking for the best schol that can educate them and make them the best yeen possible I'm sure the answer for every Orthodox parent is yes so you're trying to put them in schools where they teach them TOA they teach them they teach them M everything five star you want the best and somehow somehow somehow we we we we were to have the best school system in the world for for for to teach them these three things but so somehow when it comes to Common Sense and finance we failed when we say our children will not accept anything less than blah blah blah in other words what you're saying is we teached our children that they should keep up with the Joneses we keep we teached our children that that that we should spend money that we don't have we teach our children that tati when he sees that so and so makes such a beautiful wedding is not going to be able to to make a wedding within it his means because it's not going to past him and then he's going to put the blame on me it's m it's it's unbelievable how wrong we went with this because it's not our children's fault it's our fault for two reasons number one because we want to keep up with the Joneses and and it's totally okay I'm totally fine nobody is a Muslim nobody is complete everybody has their flaws and including myself I have my flows but we have this flow and don't tell me that's your children and then if you're going to keep telling it's his problem it's her problem no chance of going out of it at least if we face it right in right right in the middle we look at ourselves we say yes yes this is the situation yes I'm not where I want to be yes maybe I need therapy maybe but but be honest hello it's it's it's it's our issue you understand what I'm saying I totally I totally understand what you're saying and it's not unusual to blame our children I mean that's you know that's saw complaining when they left the mbar who we gonna you know we we I'm sorry R ra said if I don't have children who can I blame all my my my troubles on you know I I that's it's a very normal thing and you're fighting human nature not that not that that's wrong but you're you're fighting a big you're fighting a mountain here and I I I fully agree with you you're talk but you're talking theoretically this is the way it should be but on a practical level Lisa what small steps can people take when they're fighting such such a giant when they're fighting such a huge challenge you know you you you of course what you're saying is use your brain and it makes sense but what I to IAL tips can you offer that can make it a bit more you know realistic because the day excellent question so now I like the question because you're asking what practical steps can people take so now we talking on Thea on on on what can be done first thing that can be done is to talk about it be honest and talk about it and not only between you and you talk about it to your wife to your husband to your children by every shabas table bring in the and the children of living within your means not having to live like the Joneses now um I tell you I tell you this you know whenever somebody talks to me about this subject I usually start before I before they even open their mouth I want to know one thing like are we talking about somebody who has the money for it or doesn't have the money for it if you're talking about the person who doesn't have the money for it and then he starts talking about yeah we can't do it because of this because of that that okay so what do you want to do but you don't have the money what are you going to do you're going to steal you're going to collect you're going to battle I mean stealing you're not allowed to steal battle I mean where to pay it back from go collect so maybe we should involve the nunam in the conversation the donors if it's important or it's not important that's one thing and then the other thing is we are we we created a situation for ourselves that that in order for things to change we need everybody to change so the killas get together all well- intended Tunas they all mean well they all want to help it's beautiful thing that that's are doing but the underlying foundation for that is that in order for the situation to become better or to not be so bad we're GNA make Tunas what is Tunas Tunas is basically we're GNA say everybody needs to do this and this way we can expect that even the person who doesn't have the money will you know will be will not be embarrassed of you know making a cheaper let's say okay and but it's true in every area not only only with kasas and I think it's such a it it's very reactive and it's very good for the person who is very lazy to use his own brand but for somebody who really wants to do for for example I I want to ask you when I say you I don't mean you I want to ask you the listener I want to ask you the listener I look you straight in your face and I ask you a question tell me you want to be successful only if the surroundings of you decided to be successful or you want to be healthy only if everybody else decided to be healthy or you decided that you want to be healthy and you want to be wealthy and you want to be happy and you want to live the way that meant for you to live you know what's the truth about you you put you put a condition of society to perform in order for you to be able to be productive I don't think that's you it's only because you're surrounded with so many people that do that you know you go every day and and and sit with people for two hours who are eating junk food all of a sudden you're going to eat junk food you sit with smokers you're going to be a smoker you sit with uh wealthy people you're probably going to become a healthy a wealthy person you sit with poor people you're probably going to become a poor person but if you sit with people that the whole day they're thinking about what everybody else is doing and that's the only way that they can succeed you're also going to get in a such a situation you're only going to be able to succeed if everybody else is exceeding I'm hearing a couple things from you I asked you practical steps I hear two very clear practical steps that you've offered so far number one it's share it with your family share with those around you your values talk to them about it so that you're all in the same page so you're not fighting at this on your own but you you're creating an environment where everybody's sharing the same values that you're sharing regarding how you want to spend your money and regarding the Tren to fight the trend of keeping up with the Joneses and you're saying one of the ways to do that is by simply you know you said chabus during the week share your values so that everybody's on the same page number one number two uh surround yourself by people who share similar ideas in an environment that is going to encourage you to to want to um to be to be able to to focus and to be able to achieve what you're setting to to to to achieve um I want to hear what your thoughts are as well on simply developing the inner confidence that a person that we can do this one of the biggest you know there's the external challenge of keeping up the Jon Jonas but there's also the internal challenge of do I have the self-confidence that I can actually pull this off you know because that's oftentimes the inner struggle is that you know everything you're saying makes sense let me let me just let me just say this about one I think uh yes it's part of what you said is is is what I meant to say but let me be more clear if you are in a situation that you're overweight let's say that you have 25 35 pounds more than you should have and you're going to keep saying you know it's not so bad it's only 35 pounds I have friends who are 150 pounds overweight it's not so bad yeah it would be nice to lose 25 extra pounds you most probably not going to lose weight in order for you to really lose weight it has to become so bad for you that you should say something like I can't live like this anymore this has to stop right here and right now I'm terrible I'm in terrible shap I have to do something and you have to be passionate about this as long as you're not going to be passionate you're probably not going to lose too much weight what I'm saying is that the same things H the same thing happens so you sitting at the shabas table with your your wife and children with your family and you're saying yeah it's a big problem the needs to do this the needs to do this no big change are going to come out from that but if you're going to be sitting at the shabas table you're G to say t you know this is terrible this is not a Jewish way of living this is not what we signed up for when we said we signed up forz not to be spending money that we don't have and we should be proud if we have the guts to do the right thing that's what the communication should be and and and if you don't have the gods to do the right thing you should say honestly to your children you know that should be the language in the house unfortunately we are not where we supposed to be and we're dying for this you know we're getting sick for this and we have to change that I hope and I pray that we should be able to change it if we'll be able we'll be so proud maybe unfortunately I can't do it right now because have my own limitations but maybe you know I I started on the wrong foot but maybe your children you're going to be able to do it maybe with your children or maybe by your you should be a role model you should be an example that's how the communication should be which should not but just be you hang around people and you talk about something I just wanted to comment on what you said are we going yeah okay so what I'm hearing from you I'm actually hearing something really profound I think it's aish here you know the normal response that you hear from coaches and consultants and people who are advising others is set goals you have to set goals you have to be a vision of where you want to be but you're saying it's more than just setting goals you're saying that that you that you have to be passionate and driven enough to understand that whatever goals you're setting are there's just no other option it's not like these are my goals and you know I'm going to work you know towards them you know and I'm going to make a plan I'm but you're saying more than that it have to be life lifethreatening you have to recognize that these changes you have to make are literally you know going to to affect your life and if you don't you're not it's not sh that you're just not gonna have reached your goals you're GNA lose you're it's gonna have a negative effect so you're something saying something much more profound than just set goals and try to achieve them you're saying recognize that this this is a life or death you know in the in the sense that it's life altering and and if you don't do this it can have tremendously negative effects down the road so it's much more and you use the word passion so these are not just goals but these have to be passion driven goals that and I think that's what I'm hearing is your Kish here is when you say use your brain it's really more than just your brain it's using your brain and your heart because you have to incorporate with your brain your heart and and feel it and and feel that passion so it's really engaging both your brain and your heart and not just set goals but but set set um I would even say parameters that this is you know this is if I don't do it this is M and it has to be that clear that's what I'm hearing from you I want to make sure that that's what you're saying that using your brain means really setting clear clearly defined choices it's either life or death and Rec and realize and look at it that way because that's what's going to trigger you to really make it happen is that what is that what you're saying absolutely absolutely very well said and and I'll tell you even more if if if you're going to tell me you know I'm ready to suffer I don't want to go out of my comfort zone I I would rather suffer and be a victim than do the right thing maybe that's your approach but why do you want from your children you know you are the head of the family if you don't do it for you do it for your children if you ready to suffer what do you want from them that's the they get they get a of doing what the Jones are doing I'm talking the Jones the the the rabbi Jones theones that's what you give them that when you don't have money you still spent and then you put it on yish you know it's terrible so you have to become so aggravated so when somebody you know try try to think you know there's always a few very exceptional ID eaten but most people if I come to you and I put in my hand in my your pocket and I take out $1,000 you're going to become very aggravated it's you're gonna become very angry it's gonna you tremendously and then you I'm gonna be able to see on you a certain type of emotion I'm going to be able to see you why you do such a thing to me okay if you have a you say okay that's why wanted okay fine but you're about why why did you have how did you have do thing that's the way I want you to communicate it with your family what what are we what are we are we are we just simple stupid people who go like the L like the the cow to the because everybody's doing it you know I agree I agree you agree everybody agrees everybody should change but that's not going to be the condition for me to live if everybody's GNA change I'm gonna join them if nobody changes I'm going to look them in the face and say I'm not signing up for this I want to live I choose life right it's interesting you know they say one of one of the approaches that they take when when when people are dieting is don't look at as a diet look at as a lifestyle change what you're introducing is don't look at it as financial management look at it as a lifestyle change this is not just about how to manage your money this is about how to manage your life and money is just a tool but this is really it's not financial management it's it's lifestyle management so you're introducing something it's much more profound than just keeping in your bank 100% 100% And I want to and I want to you know I want to leave The Listener with this because if there's nothing you feel you can do there's one thing you can do and that is speak about it you know I I learned in in N this morning about you know was a humble person very humble person he had a big Anova and tells him maybe in your eyes you're humble but you are Ro and I'm telling to the parent I'm telling to every father you might think of your just a humble who am I to make a change who am I to do something different than most people but you should know that when you're sitting with your family you are the Russ for them you are there they look up up at you they look at what does tati say what does TTI think about it and they should be able to tell their children you have no idea how angry TTI was he was holding back his anger because because to see people spending money that they don't have again the didn't give them the money they don't have it that they don't need it and and also understood that they don't need it but he still people still did it because everybody else is doing it you want your children to be able to tell to their children that's the emotion that saw by you unbelievable fantastic and by the says so if you look at yourself like like like low that that's what you're gonna be beautiful okay we'll leave it for now and we covered all three pillars and next next week we'll start talking about question then comment that's coming in and we'll try to cover that okay so very good get yell the wisdom for your [Music] will get down the wisdom for your wealth