Bnei Akiva (London): Sharing in the Joy of Others - Rabbi Efrem Goldberg

there's no better way to end this day which started with a bit of some tragic news everyone heard the news from isra and we need a bit of comes from right so the writes that when we meet with it's like meeting with so we have the amazing opportunity to have from gold um we've had a few big rabbis come in over the last few years it's always been amazing will be amazing also also give us some okay thank you very much thank you for this opportunity Rabbi all your work and B beautiful community and the work and the connection is to Isel and to everything that's going on so I wanted to speak together I want to learn together a little bit of a different angle of perspective on a familiar topic and the familiar topic is no the idea that fundamental to good Jewish character good Jewish practice to who we are is to feel not only sympathy but to feel empathy what's the difference between sympathy and empathy sympathy Berne Brown has a fantastic little sort of illustration of this in a in a um cartoon that she produced if you picture that there's a ditch a hole in the ground it's dark it's damp it's cold and somebody's stuck they're sitting low to the ground they're depressed they're out of it and sympathy is that somebody walking looks down the hole sees the person sitting down there and says wow looks cold it looks uncomfortable I'm so sorry I'm thinking about you that's sympathy to see someone struggling to see someone suffering to express care and concern about them is sympathy empathy empathy is to climb down a ladder to sit in the hole to sit next to the person and to say I feel your pain I'm in this with you I'm here in this circumstance I'm here in this moment K rabbis tell us that one of the ways that torah's Acquire one the 48 ways that Torah is acquired is through this character TR of is to lift the burden the all of when someone's suffering when someone's struggling when someone's having a hard time to not just show them sympathy sympathy is if someone were to walk in this room right now carrying a heavy suitcase carrying a heavy box and you'd say wow that looks pretty heavy but you'd still sit in your seat you just look at them and say I feel so bad for you that looks pretty heavy do you know Sayo is to literally lift the burd is to run over and say give me the other end of the Box what happens when you run over and grab the other end of the Box what happens for the other person the Box gets it gets lighter it feels lighter it feels more manageable it feels like something they can carry is to carry the burden with a friend so it becomes something manageable it becomes something that they can carry it's one of the 48 ways to is acquired it's something emphasized in so many different ways as a core core medida Hagar for example lacked it when was expelled from the home and Hagar sees what he's going through so Hagar says I can't be a to watch I have to look away that's the opposite aish mother a Jewish mother would never look away she can't stop staring at the P tells us that when mosha is floating in the basket none of this is in the S yet I'm GNA get to that when when mosha is floating in the basket it says who is this Nar that's crying Rashi says it's mosha and it was the voice of a mature developed person but it was Moshe was crying that's why Moshe even though it's a baby is already called a the says that it wasn't Moshe who was crying who was crying Aron to means a brother doesn't move on a brother Look Away a brother can't stop watching as the rabbi said this was a very difficult day as too many have been since October 7th for Isel and for us we don't look away we don't say I'm not checking the news it's too depressing it's depressing it's too sad it's too hard we say I can't stop checking the news I can't stop connecting I can't stop showing love and care and concern and feeling empathy the pain the pain of other people to feel that pain together with them MOS is recruited by Hashem to be will become the quintessential paradigmatic leader of claw Israel he's rabenu in perpetuity he forever our teacher why why was Moshe chosen he's the smartest he D the most kavana he's got the best mid the greatest character what was it about mosha that made him chosen he has a speech impediment he's not even articulate he's the person who should be the spokesperson going to power demanding let my people go why was Moshe chosen why was mosha chosen so the Torah says that when mosha stops to look at the burning bush it says he turned to see and the me says he had left the palace to go see the pain of his brothers he had every ability to retreat into the comfort and protection of the palace he had every ability to say this doesn't apply to me I'm well and good I'm good to go but he didn't he stopped he left the palace he went to go see him to watch he went to go look to intervene and to help he was no he cared he cared enough to make a difference and that made him the auor of K said that's what made Hashem recruit and solicit him that's what made him the leader of the Jewish people hasem himself is himself is in what kind of a bush what kind of landscape does hem appear to Moshe in it doesn't appear in a bed of roses when he appears to mosha how does he appear in a thorn bush a lowely thorn bush and Rashi says why because I in pain with you and I feel your pain so all that is a longwinded way way of introducing the topic of no the way we normally think about no is you see someone suffering you see someone struggling and certainly this is our mission and our role all of am over the last 15 16 months please God it should end immediately our hostages should come home and our soldiers should be safe should have a sweeping Triumph and victory over our enemies and even then the work will just be beginning to be no to feel the pain of those with PTSD of those who are recovering from the trauma of what is been this war that's who we are that's who we're made of no to see pain and to help it and I was thinking you know this stage of Life certainly we still have people who are who are struggling who are challenged in school God forbid with health health of family members and Sh wanting to get married parasa looking for a job and our our mission if we want to be molded in shaped by Torah to be the Toral personalities we're meant to be it's not just to feel sympath sympathy from afar but it's to feel empathy from up close it's to feel the pain it's to communicate that I'm with you I'm with you I feel your pain and I'm suffering with you but I really wanted to speak about a different topic and that's in a very different direction and one of which I hope much more applies to you and it's an unusual form of one that is different than you would think now you can look at the sour Sheets if you want and Source number three I don't know what happened with Source number two have extra thank you he writes the following he says we find that this ability to identify with and to feel empathy for is not just a aspirational quality in the world of said but it is a high level fundamental strength of a person that includes within it many other Milos it is the prerequisite if you want to be a person who can show leadership and you're part of B is cultivating leadership if you want to emerge with leadership in am in the world if you want to be Merit prophecy if you want to be a person of Torah then you need to be a feeling person you need to be an empathetic person need to be a caring person and we see that were were extraordinary in this when you would they would be told the challenges that people are going through they would react as if this was their pain if you ever had the Merit to get a to spend time to Davin to be exposed to great people you see that when they hear and when they learn about those who we having challenges it's not just another name it's not just another they absorb it they embibe it they feel it they connect with it that's this Mila their advice their advice is good because their advice is not just about another it's not about a stranger but they're identifying with the pain of the person so the advice they're offering is really advice about themselves about an extension of of themselves but skip to the second paragraph because this is a topic I really want to talk to you about this evening this notion of the capacity to feel connected with another person and to absorb and live what they're going through is not only true in the negative it's not only true when a person is going through a challenge just like you feel the pain of another person that Vis your own pain to be no doesn't just mean to be able to connect with someone's pain it also means to be able to connect with someone's joy to be able to connect with someone's happiness to be able to be happy for somebody else so what age how what's the average age here 2122 okay maybe it's early maybe people are beginning okay well I'm exception well there are a few exceptions we're bringing the age up a little bit but the average age is relatively young maybe you've not yet begun dating of the world of shim but let's say you are let's say you're entertaining and you're trying to meet people and you're going out in first dates and you're making first phone calls and you're looking into references and you're the and it's going well it's not going so well you're dating you're not dating there's dry spells and you hear that your friend got engaged how do you feel about it let's say you're going for a position in B AA position in business you're applying to get into a school and you don't get in you don't get the job you don't get the appointment and you find out your friend did how do you feel how do you feel about them how do you feel about what's happened to them do we have the capacity to not only share in the pain of someone else when they're going through pain but the capacity to share in their joy and their pleasure and their happiness when something is working out well when something's working out right so a person who joins in the wedding of their friends is not just doing it because you're invited the highest level is to dance at your friend not just because you were invited you're doing it for him but my friend is getting married I'm so happy this is my joy this is my happiness this is a part of my as if it's a member of my family it's not so simple and this is a very high level it's very difficult to achieve because the reality is the bottom line is we have a strong sense of self the strong sense of eye and our eye our sense of self is separate and apart and independent of the people around us so they got in that's their that's their success they got married that's their simp what does that have to do with me but a person who's really learning to grow in this quality which is so critical and core to acquire Torah to be no say behold doesn't just mean to feel the pain of somebody else to be no all means the capacity to share in the pleasure the capacity to share in the joy there's a word in Yiddish I don't know how many people come to B to teach Yiddish but Source number four on page three this is an article that traces the origins of this word but there's a word on inish which is to it's adapted okay it's good for B because it was adopted and adapted into modern Hebrew what does that word mean it doesn't appear in English not in the funny English that you speak or the normal English that I speak it doesn't appear and what's that word the far to to forgin somebody is to be happy for them to be happy for them to share in their joy to be happy for them you hear that they had good news and you're happy for them and you don't interpret their good news based on how it impacts you the althor of kelm writes he says it's easier to feel to be it's much easier to identify with and feel empathy for the pain of your friend than to identify with and feel that joy for your friend why which one you think is harder now that I gave it away which one you think is harder which one's easier to be happy for a friend or to share in the sadness and the struggle with a friend struggle I mean the happiness the happiness why is that easier easier or hard either one whichever you want to answer Happ is harder because as as the said you want it for yourself as much as person has but for the since you don't on you it's easier to connect because like exactly what's your name Jacob Jacob that's what the says he says when your friend's going through a hard time you say well thank god it's not me I'm happy to help him as long as it's not me when your friend's going through a happy time a successful time you say why him not me why her not me I deserve it I'm much better person I'm I'm I'm much greater Merit why' they have that I deserve that so it's harder we think of it as being easier we don't even think of this quality in this realm but the truth that says the alar of kelm it's harder in yish there twice EX phrase is all about actually the grudging but that's not how I understood it term Israel Israel home you could read this article yourself but forain to be to forain somebody is to be happy to be joyous to share in their success to share in their happiness and we see this among our greatest people we see this among our greatest people in Source number five so Moshe excels in this way the author of K as I said describes that this is the reason mosha was recruited to be the leader of the Jewish people and he quotes a medish mosha is a Shepherd in midan he's watching after this flock of sheep and he hasn't emerged to be This brilliant scholar yet he's just a simple Shepherd but one of the sheep one of the little sheep crawls away it's hungry it's thirsty it's tired it's down by the stream it's trying to lap up some water and mosha goes and he notices that one is veered off the path one is not with the herd and others would have been oblivious but mosha notices and he goes and he finds that little sheep and the M describes that mosha puts the sheep on his shoulders and he carries the sheep and he loves the sheep and he cares for the sheep and hem says you're my man you're the one you're the one who I want to put in charge so the says when Moshe becomes a and he leaves the palace what made him grow what was this Catalyst that made him mature was the fact that he saw the pain of of another but he says now we deal with what it means to feel the pain of another but there's another level of no to to to forain another the far to share the joy to work on ourselves so that when we hear our friend got that job that we were going for our friend got married even though we've been dating longer our friend had a child even though we've been desperately waiting that we don't interpret their event relative to us but that we have the capacity that capacity to feel Joy with them it's an even higher higher level it's a higher level and you see this he quotes on botom you're not allow to stand in your friend when in your friend's field when it's blossoming because if you look and say why him not me why is he prospering not me give it an what are you not allowed to stand in your friend's feel when it's blossoming because you might give it an a Hara by looking at it with jealousy when you're just an Adam when you're giving into your nature when you're a simple person but if you could rise to the level of being a Malik but if somebody could be at a higher level then then in fact you're allowed to stand in the field because we're not afraid of I har you're going to share in the joy of of your friend you see this he says he quotes from the K lover Kover was who was the rash of of founded we have a Prohibition the 10th of the Ten Commandments the end of is don't CET don't be jealous don't crave what your friend has say how can we control what we're jealous of how can you control what you crave and what you want that's an emotion Torah can command the Torah can legislate actions Torah can say put on fill or light candles or don't do the 39 chabas but how could the Torah tell us how to feel don't crave don't be jealous don't be envious don't want and the has a famous answer the K quotes different he says tells us we can be jealous of everybody but nobody is jealous of their son their child and nobody's jealous of their student a parent isn't jealous of their child if your child comes home with a good grade if your child makes more money than you if your child learns better than you do if your child is more talented in whatever area a parent is not a healthy parent is not jealous a healthy parent is not competing why is a parent never jealous of competing with their child why do you think say himself because a child is an extension of you child is literally your flesh and blood your DNA so that child is not the other the child is not a stranger child is not competing the child is you it's an extension of you the truth is in a healthy marriage it's the same in a healthy marriage both parties take pride in each other as an extension of one another ASO they're together they're one and the same so a person and the same is true with a rebi a healthy rebi is never competing with his students a healthy teacher is proud the te the Student Success is an extension of their own and therefore there's no room for jealousy and so the Torah tells us love everyone as ourselves we have so that means that my friends are also an extension of me a real a real friend is an extension of who I am and their success doesn't take away from mine it doesn't compete with me there's that capacity so when a person gets the level of then is not a rule telling us not to be jealous or covet or crave because how can we control our emotions finish of the Kover is is telling us love your friends so much be so close that they're like your child they're like your student they're your flesh and blood that you're able to share in their joy and you're able to share in their in their happiness we see this example in mosha and Aram Source number six the P tell tells us it's like fine oil on the head running down the beard the beard of Aon that comes down over the coll of his robe the anointing talking about the anointing of AR the number seven wonders why does the p repeat itself like the fine oil on the head of Aon that that descends on his beard Al Zak Zak why the redundancy why the repetitiveness why do we say it twice says the med see and then it was reciprocated says the you know what you see from here mosha and Aon are incredible siblings they're amazing Brothers why they don't compete aon's older than mosha you know what it must have been like for Aon that his younger brother was appointed over him I don't know Aron was going for the job hoping for the job not hoping for the job but he reported to his brother he was the assistant to his brother his brother was over him for lesser people The Sibling Rivalry that would have ensued the jealousy the tension that would have happened and you could say the same in the opposite of direction mosha did apply for the job he wanted to be a Coen but he wasn't given that distinction his brother Aram was mosha must have said to himself God if you love me so much so why didn't I get the job I want why can't I be a Coen but he didn't feel that mosha was so proud of and happy for Aon and Aon was so proud of and happy for Moshe the pic says Two Beards because when the oil Anointed The Beard of Aon it was like it was on the beard of Moshe and moshe's success and happiness was felt and seen all over Aon unlike our Paras we reading right now that are characterized by terrible sibling rivalry and tension and competitiveness and infighting mosha and Aon had this incredible incredible incredible Joy how this incredible happen is how by seeing themselves as brothers by being an extension one of one of the others this stage of life that you're in and you're going into and the truth is in every stage of life this is a me that it doesn't come naturally and if unless a person mindfully and consciously and intentionally is working on it it's not easy someone close to you even a friend has good news someone you're competing with or competing over a certain position or job or both are at a stage of life that you're trying to achieve getting married having children getting into school getting a job do we have this capacity because it's harder said the alar it's easy when you see someone suffering to say let me jump in and help let me feel their pain I'm just so happy it's not me or my family but when you see someone succeeding the ability to be happy for them the ability to be happy for them this is the definition of success this is the character that we're striving for and that we're and that we're looking for and that we're looking for you know who didn't have it the whole source of the story of korak the whole the whole rebelliousness of korak korak fights back is because he's jealous of mha why not me I'm from the same family I'm from the same lineage I'm I'm uh I should have it I should have it so what mosha and Aon display for each other their cousin korak fails to do and it eats them up inside because they're unable to be happy for somebody else so what happens when you're jealous of someone and you're not happy for them your misery doesn't take away their happiness it just makes you miserable so you might as well be happy for them because then you're both happy as an extension of each other that's again Rach explains what does it mean when an Israel he says ver 10 literally translated into English it means to not begrudge the success or well-being of someone else this is an adaptation of the yish word f which is a positive way of expressing the satisfaction one can feel with another's happiness the tragedy of korak and his company sinking alive into the Earth which will be reading when he wrote this all began with the extremely wealthy and important individual could not forgin the position given to someone El else that he felt was coming to him this Envy led him to challenge the authority of mosha and brought about his disaster not only is there really no word in modern Hebrew to pronounce for there is also a lack of this attitude in much of our society in politics and business there's too much of a doggy dog approach in dealing with others it's a very unhealthy condition for any society especially a Jewish one there's a word is it in German what's the word when you take joy in the failure of another for fre it's German word right it's a German word what's how do you say that in Hebrew to take joy and happiness and someone else's failure you're all right there is no word in Hebrew for that because we don't believe in that there is no word there is no emotion there is no feeling we don't ever take joy in someone else's failure you know I'm not encouraging you to watch it but you can you know fails fail comp compilations you know people falling off skateboards and running into walls and failing at whatever they're attempting to do getting entertainment being entertained finding joy in other people's fails and flops is not a Jewish character trait we don't have a word for Shan Freud and the world the rest of the world doesn't have a word of Farin we have a word to describe sharing in the joy of another we have no word for being happy in the failure of another the rest of the world has a word for the failure of another and not a word in the joy of another what but we've adapted our so we have it in Hebrew too we've adapted into Hebrew but we've not but we've not adapted short for it into Hebrew as far as I know so how do we achieve this how do we get to this level how can we feel this because again it takes preparation you have to get your mind there you have to be ready for when it's going to come and throughout life hearing the good news of other people someone else's posts went more viral they have more followers online they have more they drive a nicer car they took a better vacation whatever it is we want in life what we're striving for ourselves when we see other people have it how will it make us feel can we not only be so I want to suggest you based on a beautiful teaching of the intellectual biography or diary rather he has the following entry he quotes this idea about B about nullifying our sense of self our sense of ani what gets in the way what often sabotages our success and our happiness you know what is our enemy ego ego is the enemy there's a book by that name ego is the enemy ego destroys relationships ego destroys happiness ego destroys Health ego destroys business deals and opportunities ego is the enemy ego gets in the way and that's alluded to it could read it in the English the P says I know made that's talking about when Moshe stood between Hashem and the Jewish people as the intermediary communicating the Torah after we panicked after the first two dios explained this to me that I the an the ego the sense of selfness that we feel that drives us to seek only our own selfish needs is what stands between God and one's true self the soul how do we get past the barrier imposed by the ego self only by mutually nurturing relations with other human beings you cannot do it by yourself this is also alluded to in the p and I stand when I stand by myself then there's a barrier between God and man so P says the more inflated our sense of self the more our ego the more our own identity the more we care about ourselves the harder it will be to connect to hem or anyone or anything around us and the more we're able to surrender and sublimate our sense of self then the more will be connected and what's the best way to do that he writes not coincidentally is to be connected with other people our an our sense of ey is in the way and we have to get it out of the way you have to get it out of the way and he describes on the next page creating the ideal Society the way to minimize and even dissolve this eye this selfishness that separates you from hem is to seek Out close friendships like-minded spiritual Seekers to be a to join Bena to be part of something bigger than ourselves to be willing to blend in to be of service to be of service I'm all how it cultivates that people and remember my my nieces my nephews in Israel who are they they considered it what a privilege what a merit when I'd ask them how you getting paid in America you want to get somebody to work in the Youth Department you got to pay them you got to negotiate you gotta pay well how much per hour how much per event for them to do it they'd be willing to pay you the privilege to be a it's unbelievable to be with other people to be a who are of service who care who are leading one another like-minded spiritual Seekers each one should be as concerned about the other's welfare as his own share each other's worries and joys help and guide each other in the spiritual path eventually the feeling of loneliness and abandonment will disappear and it will be easier to uproot the self-seeking from within you from within us this is the strategy this is the way that we connect how can we get to that level and how can we get to that point when we see our friends as an extension of of ourselves to form close friendships and to share in other people's success and not see it as taking away from or complet or competing with our own there's an article on page nine from Forbes magazine that suggests this how to genuinely how to be genuinely happy not jealous when others succeed and what's the strategy not coincidentally same as which is to connect with other people and the author writes that she had a rival and work in competing and in business and then how did she turn it around how did she turn it around she said my friend Lindsay has mastered the art of being happy for other people and she told me how she does it instead of thinking how someone else's success compete with hers she focuses on how it was also hers in other words Lindsay takes that urge to make it all about her and make it positive when I told her I published an article in prestigious magazine she remembered all the time she' giving me feedback on my work or helped me choose topics she reflected on the day I'd been stressed about hunting down sources and she patiently listened to me she even thought about the time she helped me pick out what to wear to interview people I knew you couldn't have accomplished what you did without me so I got to feel proud too not that she said any of this to me she just gave me heartfelt congratulations but by thinking about it to herself her excitement felt more genuine she didn't have to deal with her jealous side when we see the other as an extension of oursel when we blend ourselves when we become one then we can find the ability to be happy to be happy for other people instead of jealous when is somebody when are we jealous of someone when they are the other and when can we be happy for someone else when they're part of who we are when they're an extension of ourselves this quality is so critical it's so important the last page is an article was an interview with a prominent mother at a bestselling book in America a mother grandmother an experienced educator how to raise successful people that was the title of her book and the theme of her book how to raise successful children how to raise successful people this was an interview with her and I was startled when I saw this interview what she thought was the most important thing to teach her children if you want to raise your children to be successful what is the most important thing to teach your children to raise them to be successful so she says her children did not just hear her say that one was do for others but they also saw her practicing what she preached she feels Americans are reason their children to believe they are entitled to whatever they desire whichever school they choose whatever entertainment appeals to them whatever job they think they want sometimes feels that America is raising a generation of narcissists she cited studies that show that teenagers volunteer regularly who willingly help an ugly neighbor who don't begrudge others possessions are happier and well adjusted and are less prone to suffer from depression addiction or other ailments that afflict today's use the satisfaction that comes with doing for others is a major factor of keeping kids out of trouble she then made a statement that made me stop short she said that Americans do not know how to rejoice in someone else's success in fact she said there isn't even an English word to describe it my reaction to reading these words came soon enough every yish speaking Jew knows Farin and even those who are not conversation Yiddish cons conversing in Yiddish still know what it means to be happy when someone else is prosperous accomplished or doing well and she says this is the most important thing to teach our children we raise God-fearing children to follow our example contri readily Society we have to teach them how to be Farin how to be happy how to be happy not children would say that kid got better Kaneka presence they got the latest um video game that kid got into the school I applied to that kid's wearing the latest clothing to teach our children and to be the people who exhibit and who demonstrate that capacity to be happy for other people this is a core quality we're living in time that we're with people who are struggling and suffering and going through a hard time which is also an important quality to lift their burden so it gets a little bit lighter for them our brothers and sisters in Israel and those suffering right under our nose in our own Community but also to develop this capacity to be joyous and happy for the people who are successful when if we can exhibit this capacity if we can cultivate within ourselves the ability to be happy for others then please God they too will share in our happiness and our success as well thank you so much any questions so we had questions okay [Music] sure okay what's the's opinion whether we can rely on researches that prove modern utensils not ABS we recently had in our community and that question came up and he quoted many poim who said that it was permissible that the laboratory tests on certain Metals show that they don't absorb but nonetheless the SOS is to continue uh to treat it as we always have so certainly that's his position okay after all so does the state of Israel play any role in the Redemption process um of course it does I think it absolutely does it's hard to deny it it's role are open and revealed Miracles that are not just from The Six Day War and Thea War and the eras that precede all all of us myself included but we're seeing Miracles the Miracles of the last 15 16 months are extraordinary and even though the Redemptive process is frustrating and it fluctuates and we go forward and backwards it's not linear it's not a straight line we don't not binary we don't go from g to g but is a process but I think it's undeniable that we're seeing and the signs of what tell us will happen before mashia comes will the Nai promises that we'll see happen in the land are happening so does that change anything for us right now there's a big debate how far that goes and schools of thought of cook and of salvic and different perspectives of it our mission our work is the same our mission remains learn Torah live Torah live KES hasem repair the world in hashem's image and hopefully Merit to be able to expedite and speed up the G but please God I think we're we're seeing extraordinary things in our time few Comm if anyone any questions interr a few communal questions R is a big leader in using social media and digital platforms um how how does the r recommend we can take advantage of today world andine big is relative everything is relative um I'm a big believer technology like many other gifts that Hashem gave us can be used in two different directions and it's us to us up to us to imbue it with meaning and use it and use it well a telephone can be used to speak lash a telephone can be used to check in on people a car can be used to give a good ride or go a car can take you to a place of ill repute all these Technologies can be used in different directions and it's our responsibility to regulate ourselves to be careful to be Jud judicious to have boundaries but I think it could be used in enormous ways for good how could the Toro world have survived Corona without technology the ability to connect to learn with and from and to one another so I absolutely believe we have that opportunity how it's implemented each person each Community has to decide for themselves what safeguards what filters what barriers what boundaries everybody has to decide but I think there is enormous gift and enormous potential I've seen it I benefit from it in connecting with others and I would encourage I I think it's uh it's going to even go to the next level now with with AI and the direction AI is going in AI is an enormous BR the productivity the efficiency of AI we the world in in 10 years from now five years from now is going to be unrecognizable to the world today the jobs that my grandchildren will be going for don't exist today and the jobs of today will be obsolete by my grandchildren by your grandchildren we don't begin to know it AI is enormously dangerous because there is no faster and greater exporter of lies and sheer than ai ai can create an you can make any image you want of anyone have them saying anything you can plagiar I mean it's unbelievable the sheer that can be produced through AI but AI also can accomplish all kinds of amazing good so technology can ED in different directions and it's up to each individual family community to figure out how but I think failure to harness it would be as colossal as failure to harness the gift of the telephone or the airplane or the or car combine two questions um first one is on a communal level what is the best way to educate best way of educating teams grow up less religious or less learned and want to become connect a different question also often people at that level in stage are just not much more than that what would the recommend to someone who needs to give to kind of kids I think the best thing is to speak right first of all so everybody learns what they feel connected to and some people feel connected to and some to and some some but if you ask me the language I think today people they want to be spoken to their Nish to connect to their purpose their meaning to the why of why we're here to understand our mission what life is all about and so there's a lot of do that's detailed there's a lot of information but the wisdom that speaks to why do we wake up this morning why are we still here what's our mission what's our purpose and I mean that is individually I mean it collectively CLA is the why so I think that the Torah as this blueprint for creation this instruction manual for navigating life the world we're living in is filled with noise and a lot of confusion and a lot of chaos and a lot of corruption and a lot of unhappiness but Torah has a lot of wisdom and tools to navigate that world to turn on the light in that darkness and that's the gift and the possibility that we have so whether it's particular text to do that or whether it's experientially living a Judaism that exposes that and experiences that that speak to and touch the a touch the I think is the direction I would go one more question when I was I found I found myself faced with the Dilemma of choosing between trying to interest the uninterested and giving or giving enough time to those who already engaging um to allow them to grow too so in a broad setting how how in's opinion how should we approach this conflict when time or resources are limited that's a great question that's a good question I don't think you could write off those who aren't interested because you can't have write off any Jew you have to love and you have to try and to connect but I do think that sometimes there's diminishing returns and some sometimes you have to not cut your losses but to pour more limited resources where it's going to be much harder versus the person who's inspired and excited and you're going to elevate them Empower them and through them connect to countless more people so I don't think it I don't think it's all or nothing I can't I don't think you could write off the people who are who are less interested but are the people less interested because they're sort of apathetic and different but they could be inspired or they're anti they're against they're cynical and they're they're they're turned off if they're cynical and turned off again don't write them off leave the door open create the connection the invitation but I think it's going to take a lot more effort to get a lot less done than pouring it into somebody who's who's excited for the influence and who can take that pay it forward to many more people I think you mean who grew up from the question was whe people who grew up has a wide spectrum people might come from Farr communities and they haven't Zer so being somebody who comes from nothing [Music] we'll make it that now question wants to explain question the way the question was raed not about religious levels rather about levels of Engagement yeah I I think it's all the above you can't write anybody off we have to work with with all the populations you know retention is very important so sometimes we're in such an effort to do cir to do Outreach and to ire others and we failed to retain the people who grew up in it and who have the education so you know in the world of sales there's a cost of acquisition to get a new customer and it's a lot less money to retain a customer but they they yield the same thing whether it's a customer who's ordering again or a new customer ordering for the first time so we need to do retention we put a lot of effort and focus onto retention inspiring K of kovam inrich and not only Outreach at the expense of the inrich we need to do both have two or three ideological questions if anyone else has questions okay two more let's do it I'm already here so [Music] um two of the ones that left so um in the R's opinion should rabbis Express their opinion on political M absolutely not I don't believe rabbis should no it depends what you mean by that I don't think Rabbi should endorse candidates politicians um parties but I think rabbis can talk about issues and what are the issues that should matter and why the Torah and what the Torah feels about those issues and people will uh will infer from it what they want but not directly I don't think RAB sh in politics that question as a Jew a rabbi living in the United States what the's greatest hopes or fears from the upcoming presidency of trump um okay it's a s from the last question but I but I'll I'm very optimistic for the next four years I'm very optimistic um I'm optimistic if president Trump can focus not on Revenge or not on people but on policies I think his policies for the most part are very aligned with hours I make certain assumptions when I say hours but Wholesale hours and I think in America we learned from this election and maybe the last few that um un un fortunately we're not choosing among people whose character we admire or would want to emulate or as consistent or conforms with ours unfortunately we forfeited that on both sides we're looking for whose policies come closest and we should be conscious in how we talk about our leaders not to deify them or admire them or hold them up but to see them with their failures and be grateful for when their policies align and support them for the policies that do align um I think that um his policy is very much align very hopeful about them I think his appointments which he has maybe the most diverse cabinet in in a very very long time in America including some former Democrats including non-politicians including people who were his political enemies and he formed a cabinet among them Abraham Lincoln had a cabinet of his uh opponents and so I'm very hopeful but cautiously optimistic in the end of the day when when the candidate we hope for loses we shouldn't be too pessimistic when he wins we shouldn't be too optimistic because it's all in the hands of Hashem how it unfolds so I'm hopeful but very very cautious one minute left whatspp how should we balance a relationship with more as or more as um both I think that there needs to be we live in a generation there used to be authority figures we're authority figures there were some healthy distance there need to be boundaries obviously of appropriateness and modesty and Care in those ways but I think you know sort of based on the sheer that we had and and creating this notion that the other is an extension of myself there's a genuine friendship you're not a statistic you're not a data point you're not a notch of my belt not just one of my uh one of my but you're so there should be a friendship if we're defining friendship as love and loyalty and extension of ourselves it's how we should feel towards all Jews and certainly those we're interacting with as well but with healthy boundaries and an understanding that it's not a pure friendship peers it's a different relationship that has an element of friendship in it that's what I would say thank you so much for this opportunity it's wonderful to be together wish everyone a lot of