This Man Is Healing Generational Trauma | Adam Klasner | The Berel Solomon Podcast Ep. 01

Let's take a big breath before the uh before the podcast. >> Yeah. [sighs] So, I just came from the single craziest experience of my entire life and that was your retreat in Panama, the Anoi retreat. And I walked through the door last night and my wife spent 5 minutes with me and she said, "You came back a man." And I've always wanted to hear those words from my wife. And she saw a transformation in me that was and she's watched me. I've I've told you this. I've struggled with mental health my whole life since I was 7 years old. I've had, you know, different difficulties and I've been through hundreds of hours of therapy, hundreds of hours of coaching, tons of different programs, and there was nothing that went so deep as your program. And I'm a little bit angry at you right now if you want the truth. And it's not for the reason you think. I'm angry at you because the people that are watching this right now don't know who you are. And that is horribly selfish because you have the ability, not ability. I saw it. Forget about ability. You did in front of my eyes. stop generational patterns that were stopping men from building their lives, their wives, and their family to the fullest effect. So I would like to bring help bring you with Hashem's help to the world and introduce my dear friend who is a piece of God. [laughter] Please introduce yourself to the people. >> Yes, thank you for having me here. Um, so like you say, I haven't been putting myself in the public eye for many, many years. been doing this underground like digging in the trenches. My name is Adam Clasner and similar to you which you've always inspired me is I'm Boua. I feel like we we're like almost the same person. We look a little bit similar. >> You are slightly better looking. Yes. >> You know, some would say, [laughter] >> but um yep, it it all started 13 years ago. 13 years ago when I found myself in a rut in my own life and I needed to do something about it. And thank God I had some good friends around me, some good people who saw that I was going through something and they woke me up and they brought me into an experience that changed my life forever. My life will never ever ever be the same from that moment. >> Mine too. >> Yeah. you know, probably one of the biggest surprises when I walked into your workshop was, you know, I've been to different uh, you know, mental health, mental wellness, you know, type of workshops and I can't say that the quality of the people there are, you know, creme de la creme, let's say, if I'm being judgmental, okay, [laughter] but the people that were there were people that they had their whole lives together. I mean, you had big businessmen there. I I couldn't believe who was in the room. People who on the surface look like their whole life was together. And yet, you know, there was there was one man there, he couldn't express love verbally to his wife or to his children. You know, he has everything in the world. His kids have everything in the world. His wife has everything in the world, but they don't have the words from their father to express his love to them. And you were able to literally I I watched you. I watched you with a scalpel cut open his heart and rip his heart out [clears throat] of his chest. [laughter] And you were able to soften it and to allow the words of love and kindness and gratitude come out of his mouth to his family and get him to that place. And it was the most spectacular most spectacular thing I've ever seen. So I think a big confusion that people have and I had myself because you've been trying you know we've been talking for over a year to go to one of your workshops and I just never really knew what it was and people today are coming up to me what was it and it's so hard to explain because I thought I was there for a completely different reason right I thought I was there because I was I couldn't relax and that's something that bothers me and it bothers is my wife and I'm not present with with my kids and the house and everything cuz I'm never relaxed even when I come from home from work. When I came there, you heard me talk about that and you just went so much deeper and helped me uncover things that I didn't even know were bothering me, like certain relationships with certain family members that I have that are a pain that are causing me pain. And you you saw right through that and and just opened that up for me. And there were so many different people on that trip that had different problems and you were able to almost give like this personalized modality to each and every single person and that's what was so fascinating that no two people were the same and and you were able to offer them solutions and help in different ways. So how do you do that? How do you how do you take a person and get to the core of their issue and then help them solve that issue? How do you do that? >> Yeah. So, it's a great question [laughter] and I would say there's this is going to be a little bit of a long answer, but the first thing is you can't see the picture from within the frame. Like you know what you know until you don't know. And that's when people need to go and say, "Hey, what are my blind spots over here? What's what's going on for me? Like why am I not seeing? I want to be this man. I want to be this type of person, >> but for some reason I can't show up that way. >> Mhm. >> And what I say to people is like this. Number one is we were born in relationship. Actually said this on the workshop. You know, two people came together as you know, a man and a woman, they come together and a child is born. So we're born in a relationship and an act of love. Even if they don't love each other, it's a it's an act that represents love. two a a child was born. So in the fabric of my DNA of who I am, I felt two people came together from love and created me. Then what happens is process comes. It happens to everyone. >> Mhm. >> We get wounded. >> Mhm. >> Just because that's how life works. We're supposed to get wounded. We're supposed to face something that limits us. So we're born out of an act of love. We're wounded in relationships. So in relationship we're born in relationship or wounded and then what people need to come out of that wound to be the best versions of themselves is they need to do it in relationship which is why we can't do healing >> inside a vacuum by ourselves >> just doesn't work >> which a lot of people are doing today including myself with Chad GBT >> really by yourself >> yeah you know you have a problem and you you write into Chad GBT >> yeah because Chad GBT doesn't have the relational experience has all the right words has been programmed But there's no human behind it, >> right? >> There's no motion there. >> So what we do is we create a space for people to come into where they can be witnessed. They can be held, they can they can be heard and understood, listened to. So when he says witnessed, this we're not talking about like hokeyp pokei uh you know like a nice concept. There was a man sitting three feet across from me and all the other men had another man sitting three feet across from him and we had to stare at each other's eyes and make complete eye contact without moving while being guided to understand the man sitting across from me and to allow myself to be viewed and witness the way that I am sitting here right now. And one of the biggest things desires that my wife has for me is eye contact. And it was one of the hardest things in the world for me. And when I got back, she noticed on her own that I was making natural eye contact with her and she was over the moon. So anyways, back to you were at witness. >> Yeah, witness to be seen as you are. I need to be able to be seen as I am. And the interesting thing about what you just said is >> we're not saying anything to each other, >> right? >> There's there's a meditation >> and we're just talking about what every man goes through and there's a certain resonance. Hey, this guy, even though he's got this different body, even though we look a little bit the same, >> but you've gone through a totally different life than I've gone through, >> right? >> Yet, we have similar struggles cuz the struggles of men, especially Jewish men, are universal. >> Mhm. >> Meaning, we all go through these struggles in some capacity, in some form. >> Yeah. As you're taking these people into your uh your aura and and really that's what it is, guys. like this guy has an aura that fills that filled the house that we were in. And it it was it was impressive. And as you're taking these guys into your your aura, how how do you spot how do you get to the root of what somebody truly needs? >> I know this is going to sound like it doesn't make any sense, but it's really just experience. >> I mean, it's not necessarily what I've gone through, and I've gone through a lot, believe me. I you know myself I am the number two child which was a big thing growing up for me. I wanted to be number one felt that competitive edge. I have 10 kids myself which is something that most people don't have. >> When I when you told me that for the first time I was shocked. I told you that was your biggest flex and it's I I still mean it. >> I have of those 10 kids I have two kids that I took in from my wife's first marriage. So I have a blended family. I have a wife who went through a tragedy that she lost her first husband. So dealing with >> her trauma, >> not dealing with but embracing a woman who has gone through a rough past and I've had death in my family that surrounded it. So I lost my mother 7 years ago. So I've I've gone through a lot. I've had a lot of experience. I'm a Bouva. I know what it means to have had a past, but also to have a connection to God. and it was a choice. >> So, I've had a lot of experience from that side, just my own life experience. But now I have 2,000 men that I have had, this is going to sound funny, but an intimate experience with. >> Yeah. I I know what you mean by intimate cuz the guy that I looked at his eyes for 30 minutes, it was intimate. >> Yeah. [clears throat] >> You know, and it was so I know what you mean. And it sounds uh you know gay like so to speak but it's really being able to connect with person on the deepest level possible% >> seeing them for who they are and like like you said you know you walk into a room and 72 hours later these guys >> are your best friends. >> Yeah. Yeah. These are my brothers. You know, there's some guys from Panama that were on that thing and um those are my brothers forever and we could get real with each other and deep with each other because we saw each other cry. We saw each other laugh. We saw each other break down. We saw each other built up. >> You saw who you really were and they saw who like you saw who they really were and they saw who you were. >> Yeah. So there's no hiding. There's nothing to be embarrassed about anymore. >> And that's what we do is man. We hide. >> Yeah. >> We struggle in isolation. You know I was saying like healing happens in relationship. Well, guess what happens in isolation? Wounding. >> Yeah. >> Trauma, addiction. >> That's where it all happens. It's like one of the things of a person goes to essay or or AA, >> they need to do it in a group. Yeah. >> It has to happen in a group otherwise it doesn't work. That's how that's how we get the healing that we need is we need other people to be there for us. We need support. M I always thought that the whole group concept and therapy was for financial reasons because whoever's running the you know the unit, the more people you have in that group, the more you can condense time and make more money in a shorter amount of time. But after the experience that I went through, I grew almost as much from those guys as I did from you. And every and those guys were far from perfect. And I think you would admit that you're also far from perfect and very far. >> Right. So, so [laughter] but but it it it was just spectacular. >> So, >> but the group thing has always been a Jewish thing. It's like the concept of a minion. Like, where does that come from? >> So true. >> Like it's not it's not just two, it's three. You need to make a mazooma with three. >> Your third opinion to be able to bring the two opinions together. When people having an argument, the smallest basting is three. You need 10. You need You need diversity. You need to see a bigger picture. It's almost like a mini world. >> This was a minion for healing. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. That's exactly what it was. One thing that you kept on asking people was a beautiful question. So simple, it's so beautiful, which was what do you need? And you know there's many times where I've called um my parents and when I was younger and the first question was what do you want [laughter] and the the question what do you need is so powerful and I asked my wife a few times since the thing what do you need? What do you need right now? And it's such a deep question because no men don't get asked what we need. We're usually the providers. And so what what's behind that? The what do you need? >> Well, we've divorced ourselves from our needs. We really have. But as I mentioned, you know, a child growing up need stuff. Like there are survival things that I need. It's just how I am. It's like if I don't if I'm not attached to my caregivers, >> I will die. [clears throat] >> Right? You can't take a baby that's even even a 2-year-old, three-year-old, a four-year-old, and put him in the forest and say, "Hey, you're you're go survive." Like, it just doesn't work. >> Mhm. >> So, growing up, we have needs. Now, what happens if we don't get those needs? So, I have I have the need to for someone to take care of me and to provide for me and to love me and to tell me that I'm good and to understand me and to listen to me and to see me. But what happens when you don't get those things? So if I don't get those things, the only way to survive is I need to create substitutes for those things. >> And that's why today people are addicted to their phones. They're addicted to substances. They're addicted to external validation. >> Pornography. >> Pornography for sure. You know how many men at that retreat were shamelessly hiding their their pornography um uh addiction and they were finally able to talk about it and and and and get support about it and realize that they're not the only one and to give each other each other tips and tricks and it was beautiful. So yeah, >> I mean it's it's like I so I rely on my the people around me to give me what I need because I can't give it to myself. I just can't I don't know how to love myself. >> So I'm relying growing up people to give me that kind of stuff. >> Okay. What happens if I don't get it? I create substitutes. And then all of a sudden you grow up and you've been realizing you've been living a life of attaching to substitutes and that's not what I really needed. And some people are attached to prostitutes. >> No, it's true. >> Absolutely. >> How many guys out of 2,000 men, how many have have had >> too many? >> Too many. >> Yeah. >> You know, and it's something that they'll never talk about. Like, let's say um I'm one I'm I'm a guy there. I watch the first guy go. He does the whole wrestling thing, blah blah blah, screaming at he's like, "You know what? This is not for me." And he walks out like he's upset. Like, how many walk outs do you do you get? You don't. >> You don't. >> No, >> you don't. Because Because a vulnerability breeds vulnerability. So if someone else does, they're like, "Well, I have stuff to work on. Why shouldn't I work on it?" >> It's not like >> I like that. Vulnerability breeds vulnerability. So if vulnerability breeds vulnerability, what's the opposite of that? >> Closed breeds a closed relationship. It's it's a surface level relationship, which is where most people are at, >> right? >> People don't have real friends. Like, why should somebody tell me their deepest, darkest secret, but they have people that love them, that surround them, but they can't open up to them. >> Why should they open that? Because they don't feel that a person can hold what they're going through. They feel like it's too much. So, you have to bury it and suppress it and stuff it inside. >> Wow. >> It's crazy. >> Craziest concept. I went into synagogue this morning and I felt like it was it was a one-dimensional fake situation. Now I don't expect everybody to be opening up and you know crying about their whatever in in in sh but I just felt like wow I experienced everyone in the in the in the workshop was saying when you get back to real life I will this or in real life I do that. I'm thinking to myself, the workshop was real life. >> Yeah. >> And this is fake. >> And then when you go back, you think like everyone should change or or things should have changed on the outside. But your wife's the same wife. Your sh's the same sho. Nobody knows what you went through, >> right? >> But something inside you changed. And he says no more. I can't accept this type of lifestyle anymore. It just doesn't work for me. >> So I experienced when I came back from my first workshop a lot of like wanting to change the world, wanting to change people. And I did it from a very unhealthy place because instead of me accepting and embracing who they were, >> who I was before my workshop, I wanted them to be like me. So I sort of like pressured people like you should do this. You should become this way. You're not living your life. You don't know what life's all about. >> And it took me a while to like like come down from the clouds and be like, "Okay, do you remember who you were before?" >> Right. I actually think we got a disclaimer before we left uh the workshop. you. They told us um you guys are not facilitators. Don't go try to do what you just learned here to anybody else. Live who you are and people will want what you have and that's how you're going to be able to influence them. >> Be be a role model. >> Yeah. So, so it's a good segue into my next question. Why do you do this? Because, you know, we've we've had the financial, you know, discussion. You're not a millionaire yet from this business, you know. God willing, you will be one day. >> I'm a millionaire. I got 10 kids. >> Right. [laughter] You're you're a billionaire then. >> Yeah. >> Um, so >> you have to be to to support them. >> Right. Right. Right. But you told me yourself. You said, "I don't I don't want to be the wealthiest guy in the world. It's not your goal." >> Yeah. [clears throat] >> So why do you do what you do? >> [sighs] >> So, I had a good childhood. I would say compared to what I've seen out there, I feel like I've had a pretty damn good childhood. But again, everyone gets wounded. Like I said, my biggest wound was I was number two. >> Mhm. >> Felt like my brother was the prized child. He was a smarter one. He went into the family business. It was like he was getting all the attention. And that's that's generally what number one does or or maybe gets all the negative attention, right? cuz you know that's the guinea pig child. But I felt like I wasn't getting the attention that I wanted. It wasn't even that my parents were doing anything wrong. It was just that's the way I felt. So it's not always that parents are intentionally doing something wrong. Now and when I grew up, you know, he my brother also like he had better genes than me. I grew up with eczema. I was I was in terrible pain from it. I was bleeding out, scratching, itching. >> And this happened actually. I was breathing. And what happens when you breathe deeply is somehow you go into those subconscious memories. It's almost like you can go back to early childhood memories. It's pretty crazy actually. There's different things that can take you back to your childhood to remember where things went wrong which are creating problems today because those things never got resolved. They still live inside you and you're just trying to figure out life based on what happened to you. >> So I was dealing with that. I went to my mother. I was 3 years old. I know it doesn't make any sense, but I was 3 years old. I said, I want to be able to overcome this. How could I do this? Oh, we'll go to a dermatologist. >> We'll get some cream. And I was like, but does it go away? Well, it doesn't go away. It just helps it. And I just wasn't satisfied with that. Something said to me like, "This is so painful. Like, why should I have this pain?" >> Wow. >> I felt in that moment that I wanted nobody else ever to experience pain in their life. at three years old, >> I just I just felt like nobody should go through this or I didn't like what I was going through. So that became like no, I shouldn't be. And I went on this life mission of like any time that, you know, things came up like I want to help people. I want to help people. So I want to be a rabbi or I wanted to be what else did I want to be? I wanted to be a rabbi or a doctor. >> And you know, so that was my focus. And I even growing up was my focus was I'm going to be a doctor. I'm going to be a doctor. I'm going to be doctor today. I'm a doctor but in a different way. >> So So for those of you who have not been to a retreat yet, I I I have been. You really are. If you combined a rabbi and a doctor and you mix them together and you divided it in two and you're left with just one, that's what you would be. You're a rabbi and a doctor. You really are. You're you're a I don't even want to say spiritual doctor. You're you're a because that sounds like a whatever. You're a [sighs and gasps] Give me a second. I want to really get this. [sighs] You are a doctor for the person's being. It's not their soul. It's not their body. It's their being. >> I like what you're saying. Like the way I say it is I create uh facilitations like I'm a facilitator of emotional and spiritual transformation. >> Yeah. >> And so I wanted to do that. I I had this desire to help from my own wound. I had the desire to help others. It's where it came from. And so I feel like this was my life calling. And it's like just to give you a little bit of background about my story and this this is a crazy part. This is I believe that everything happens for a reason. Is who did I meet along the path is like why did I get married to the woman that I got married to? My wound was I'm number two. >> So I end up marrying a woman >> who I was her number two. >> Oh wow. >> I was her second husband. >> Why? To go work on that to fix that inside me cuz that was my own wound that I was I was living from. So I needed to go correct that. And marriage forces you into fixing, into working through the stuff that's unresolved inside of you. >> Sure. >> So, I get into that marriage and by the way, the reason I I married her and was very subconscious, like I never knew, but energetically I was like, I'm going to be this woman's hero. >> She's a widow. She's got two kids. Besides the fact that I was in love with her, besides the fact that she was an amazing person, besides the fact that those kids are unbelievable, they were and are still today, that I won the deal, so to speak, is like the image of me going and doing something like like this was just absolutely insane. Like, every thought I was nuts. And my parents tried to really help guide me through this, but they didn't know what to do with me cuz I was just on a mission. >> I'm going to marry this woman. I thought, I'm going to be this woman's hero. And guess what happened? I was just the opposite. I ended up coming into that marriage. I was stuck. She was resisting me. I was almost like, "Don't you appreciate me? Do you know what I did for you? Do you have any idea who I am? >> Like, I rescued you. Look at me. Me." >> And it was because deep down I felt unloved. >> I didn't feel loved for who I was. Felt like I was number two. I was her number two husband. So, I was competing with her first husband. It's like, "Oh, he can't be in the picture. You can't talk about him. We can't mention him. You have to focus on me. Let's build a family. Let's just do this. >> I'm two kids in with her plus the other two kids. Fifth kid on the way." And I'm depressed. >> I'm like, "How am I going to get out of this marriage now? I can't tell my parents I made the wrong decision because I told them I'm making the right decision and I got this." So again, isolation. I hid that. >> I hid that from everyone. And I'm not making any money. So, how am I supporting them? I'm burying myself in debt. Just constantly burying myself in debt. And I'm on anti-depressants because I'm sad. But I don't know how to deal with it. I didn't know how to deal with it. I don't know what it means to be vulnerable. I don't know what it means to share that I'm going through something. >> And by the way, the reason that I didn't know how to share is because I I never witnessed my parents opening up and being vulnerable. Not because they were bad parents, cuz they came from Holocaust survives. >> They didn't know how. >> They didn't know how. So, how am I supposed to be vulnerable? How am I supposed to share these things? I got to be tough. I got to be a man. I got to just push through. I got to white knuckle this. >> And someone said, "Go on this workshop." Everything changed because I realized that, and this is what we're all doing, we're all generating our lives from a limiting belief, from a story that we tell ourselves. Mine was I'm not lovable. So if I am generating myself, my life story from I'm not lovable. Guess what I'm going to do to my wife? Show me that I'm lovable. Show me from the outside that I'm lovable. And remember you're talking about before you you have needs. I needed to know that I was lovable. >> I needed to know that. And when I wasn't getting that, I I made my wife into the bad person. >> I to I said, "You're not you're not showing up how you need to show up because of I showed up by taking a step and going into this." You know what that did to her? It pushed her farther away because it wasn't real. It wasn't authentic. It wasn't real connection. It was about her meeting my childhood needs, which which a spouse is never supposed to do. You know, I identify a lot with that because one thing that [snorts] I've asked my wife to do since the day we got married was to give me compliments and uh affirmation. And at a certain point, she's just like, "I don't I don't mean it. Even I'll give it to you, but you're asking for it. It's like too much. And I didn't, you know, I didn't see this growing up. And I was upset at her for it. And I realized that I can't rely on anybody else for my validation. I have to validate myself. So I totally >> How did you realize that, by the way? >> Like what brought you to that place? You said, "I realize that cuz most men don't realize that from what I've seen. They actually look at circumstance and they're like, "My wife's actually the problem." like she doesn't know how to give compliments. Is it normal that she doesn't tell me that she loves me or tell me how amazing I am? >> In general, I think that women have to give more compliments to their, you know, husband and and validation. You know, I mentioned this on the retreat. You you disagree with me very strongly that I think that, you know, women have come so far in terms of their, you know, women weren't a weren't able to have rights. Uh, sorry, weren't weren't able to vote 70, 80 years ago. You know, look how far they've come. you almost had a woman president uh within this decade and you will and women's women came so far but I I I don't I don't think men advance that much and whatever we're not going to solve the whole world's problems now so I do think they should give more but how did I how did I come to the realization because even while she was giving it to me I still felt like crap >> so she [clears throat] tried and she did and she's amazing >> cuz the cost >> Yeah and she did and she did give me and you're the best and you're this you're great and and the more she would say it the more I realized is gh it's actually making me feel worse cuz I'm thinking now I have to rely on my wife to make me feel good like so it just wasn't working once I realized it wasn't working cuz she actually tried then that's to answer your question [sighs and gasps] all right >> so so just to say one more point on that is like >> you said what do you need like needs >> are childhood things >> because when I get to a mature relationship with my wife. It's not that I need this from you. I want it from you. >> A a relationship between a man and a woman is a mature relationship. I don't need you to make me whole. >> You show me what my work is to make myself whole so I can show up. And I just want you. It's not I need you to do this. >> Oh, I'm glad you said the word show up. Okay. because we don't talk enough about showing up and when we do it's it's it's it's cheap and I never understood it until until uh the retreat when I got home on uh on Sunday night because I saw so many people's situations that did have bad or extremely challenging uh childhoods and what that did to them as a 40-year-old man at all today and to see the wounds that they're carrying today or I said I better get this parenting thing right and I better take this seriously that I'm a father and show up. So usually what I would do is I would come into the house. I would say hello to my kids, kiss them, I love you, how was the weekend? And then you know go eat or go go go into my room and whatever. I came home, my kids were looking at me with those eyes that your kids look at you at when you come home for the first time. And instead of running away to go eat or to go shower or to go this, whatever it is, I sat down with them on the couch and I just I just I I I let them in and I let them come. I I let them in, but I also gave them myself and I gave to them. So, I let them in and I gave to them and I showed up. And that was the first time I could really say like that I consciously showed up for my kids in my whole life. >> Crazy. That's crazy. >> First time. Like obviously I've showed up. What do you mean? I've been I I go to their games. I do homework with them. I, you know, I learn with them. But like have in my mind I need to show up right now for my children and give them my everything and hold space for their everything. It was the first time in my life that I held space for my kids and and I truly showed up. So, thank you for that. Thank you because you inspired me. >> And and you know why that is? It's like you remember when you were breathing on the floor. >> Yeah. >> When you're doing that whole breath work and you're like >> it was the first one. It was on the Friday when we got to the workshop and you start breathing breathing breathing. >> Yeah. >> And then you come to me after you're like oh my gosh. Like I was so I I was thinking about this Instagram post. >> Yeah. I was like, why are you thinking about an Instagram post when you have this ability to give yourself space to see what's actually going on underneath the hood, >> right? >> Like what you need to face in your own life, what how you need to be a better man. Is because as men, we're so busy with the responsibility. We carry so much responsibility. I need to be a a Jew. I need to be a father. I need to be a husband. I need to be a businessman. I need to face the world. And like there's so much coming at us on a daily basis. Then to come home, it's like you came home. I can't shut that off, >> right? >> Because I got to I got to take care of business. >> I got to take care of all these responsibilities. So how am I going to shut that off, >> right? >> And so there's a different skill that men don't have when they come home, generally speaking, which is being present, is being there, is >> leaving everything at the door. >> Yeah. >> And that's rare. So, so when you say you showed up consciously for the first time, even as crazy as it sounds, >> first of all, that's amazing that you're that you're saying that cuz it's very humbling that you would even admit that >> it was amazing. >> But most men don't show up. >> Yeah, >> we are attached to our phones. >> That's why it's called a cell phone, by the way. It's a jail cell. >> People don't even know how to detach from the like when I said on the workshop, I was like, "Hey guys, we're putting away our phones in our rooms. it's not coming out this entire weekend. The only time you can use it is when we have breaks and when you need to call home for shabas, but we're dialing in is because that takes you away from yourself. You're disconnecting from yourself. >> Yeah. >> We have to learn to connect to ourselves so we can connect to the people in front of us. >> We're not really there. It's like right now you could be thinking about what's for lunch >> or you could be thinking about what's going on with Trump. Well, I wasn't thinking about what's for lunch until you mention it, but [laughter] I am kind of hungry. >> So, being present is rare. >> Mhm. I know. >> It's really rare. >> I know. And even if you're physically present, people, they're not understanding right now. They think, "Oh, what do you mean I'm present?" No, not your physical body. It's your attention, your love, your space, holding space, your caring, your empathy for your child, for your wife, you know, be physically fully fully there. [sighs] >> It's like people people always ask me like, "How do you have such a good memory?" Like remember there was 21 guys and I was like, "I knew everyone's name. It's not just because I enrolled them and whatever." is because in order to remember someone's name and the details that they're talking to you about it, you have to actually care. >> But we because we're surviving in the world and and and our survival mode is always on because we had to survive growing up and we have to survive in our marriage and we need our needs met rather than just showing up >> is we don't even know what someone's saying to us cuz we're thinking about ourselves. So whatever is relevant to us, we're going to remember and what's not. See you later. >> To care, I have to care about myself and then I can start caring about somebody else. Have to give care to myself. >> So, I get push back. You know, I've spoken about mental health different times um on my social media and I talk about the struggles that a man goes through and I am shocked at the amount of women [snorts] that will write in the comments, it's not just men, it's women, too. you know, I'll write like nobody I'll make a video, you know, nobody knows how hard it is to be a man and to uh have to carry a financial burden, you know, for his whole family. And then I'll get like women attacking me in the comment section be like, "That's so chauvinistic and sexist." And so, >> how do you, you know, plant your first of all, how would you answer that? I'm curious. You make a post. You You just said it. Nobody knows what men go through. It has to be they have to bottle it up and and they have the financial pressure and Suzanne uh Weinberger, it's a fake name. [laughter] Susan Weineberger, how dare you? You chauvinistic pig, you are making it seem like men are the only ones that have problems and women have these problems, too. >> You know what makes me good at what I do is because I go deep. because I help people go deep. I don't actually listen to the words that you're saying. I hear where you're speaking from. It's like it's not about the message, it's about the messenger. >> So that person's obviously speaking from painoint. And you don't see the world the way it is. You see the world the way you are. >> So for you, for her probably growing up, she's experienced a lot of chauvinistic men in her life. >> Oh wow. >> And she's going through pain. So how I would answer, I would say, hey, sounds like you're going through a lot. If you want, we can talk about it. Right. >> That's all right. Game over. >> Right. And they'll never take you up on it because >> But it's not it's not even about what she's saying. And and you know what? There's a valid point to what she's saying. >> Sure. >> But why can't I share about what I'm going through? Said every like I'm not pleasing the whole world. Try to please 8 billion people in the world. It's always going to be a losing game. Whenever you're going to have a strong stance on something, >> there's always going to be a counter resistance. >> So I'm I'm not even listening to the message. >> I'm listening to what she's going through. And that's why, you know, remember there's a one guy in the workshop who was telling plenty of stories. Story after story after story >> without saying names. Who was it? [laughter] >> Yeah. I'm like, can you be quiet for a second? Right. >> Actually, I say, can you shut up for a second >> and tell me in one sentence what's actually going on? >> And most people can't because they're so focused on the circumstance. And what circumstances is not there to control your life. You know inid as we learned they say >> a person goes out and makes their their surrounding surroundings don't create who you are they reveal what's actually going on for you. So if I'm if I'm grounded it in who I am the circumstance shouldn't really affect me. >> So if someone shares an opinion I could hear their opinion without needing to defend my own opinion or put them down or tell them that they're wrong. So, I'll post these days. I'm newer to posting and I'll get the free Palestine or the whatever. And I'm just like, okay, like obviously >> those are my best followers. >> The best. >> They comment on everything. >> No, no, no. Publicity is bad. >> Best best engagement. Adam Clasner, you are a legend and the world is about to know your name. I told you in the car last night the energy the aura as the kids say today that you and your partner Leor are giving off >> and I didn't have a chance to meet I know >> okay um the aura and the energy that you guys are exuding these days is that you guys are about to pop off and I know it and if I could be a little part of that you know through people meeting you here it's my honor and pleasure and uh when's the next uh retreat? next to treat is September 4th to the 6th. I hope my wife's not listening to this because that she actually knows. Oh no. >> But it's in Toronto. >> Okay. >> And yeah, it's a unique opportunity. We don't do them so often and I don't know how much longer we're going to be doing them. I've been I've I've ran over 90 workshops. >> Wow. >> Over 2,000 men. You know what? I don't like the word aura. You're like, I have this or a I'm not a holy person, >> right? But I've been through so many people's stories that people are attracted to coming into that space cuz they know that when they come into space in the same space as me, >> you could hold space. >> I could hold that space because I've seen so many go through that. >> Yeah. I mean, guys, I I can't tell you everything that happened on that weekend, but that was some real stuff. Real good stuff. Real deep stuff. So, what is it? September where it says September >> 4th to the 6th in Toronto. >> In Toronto >> and Barl's going to be joining us, of course. >> Ah, >> I want a discount this time. >> Back to your Canadian roots. >> Can you give us for the people at home? What? This is how he got me when I walked out the door. I heard in the next room. Can you give me a what's the word? A not a tribal. What is it called? What is it called? Guttural. What is it? >> A roar. Just a tribe. Just a visceral roar. It's just every cell in your body wakes up. It's like sometimes you're going through a tough time and you see that you have a challenge and you need to be able to come into your bigness where you're able to face that challenge and know how big you are. Am I allowed to just put it out there right now? Because this can be really intense and scared you. >> Primal. >> Primal. Yeah. >> Go for it. >> I love it. [laughter] Let me give you one. Let me do one. >> Yeah. Let's go. Let's go. >> [groaning] >> Wow, my whole body just shook from that one. >> Powerful, bro. I love you, man. >> Love you, too. And thank you for being such a good person, a good advocate, and it means a lot to me, and I look forward to spreading light cuz that's what I'm here for. You could, I believe that [snorts] you are the chosen one, [laughter] >> God forbid, >> to heal a lot of generational trauma in the Jewish people. And we need it. God knows we need it. >> All right, man. God bless. >> Thank you guys for watching. If you're not already following Adam, please follow him on an >> Finding Ani. Finding no. If you're not already following Adam, please follow him at finding ani. He has great content, great stuff out there, great programs, workshops. If you can come to his physical workshop, he has great online uh mentorships, and just do yourself a favor. Do yourself because I get, you know, 50% of his everything that comes in from this. So, I really want you to I'm just joking. I get zero. I believe in it from my heart. Check him out. Bye guys.