Episode 1: How to Support Your Spouse In Their Career

you are about to step into the role [Music] welcome ladies and gentlemen hi everyone today we're discussing something that's very important that I wanted to bring my wonderful wife Ileana in to discuss which is a topic that is near and dear to my heart which is how to support your spouse in his or her career okay I think that Ileana has some really great insight into this when I started my when I started my company she was there since day one she was there way before I decided to start my company she was there through all the difficult times that made me want to start and change my career like that and I think that she as a wonderful supportive wife and woman has tons of insight to share into this so Ellie I know why don't you take it away after seeing my husband unhappy for a long time in his job I I started feeling like you know what I don't care if I don't care if he starts something new and and that's it like I don't care to give it up even though he had a stable job I didn't care to start from the beginning and I I thought maybe we're gonna struggle a little bit but I rather at him and rather I wanted to see him happy so I I just I came to a point that it didn't it wasn't working anymore even though I was making he was okay he was stable the he came home and he was always insecure and he was not so happy so you know what I decided to like I told him and I tell him you know what it's time it's time for you to start something new BAM I remember that day remember I think the pain and the fear of of starting something new and having the unknown was actually less than the then the the pain that was coming from my previous job exactly right would you agree I said I'd rather you know what it seemed like stability on one hand because I had a six-figure salary I had a promising future but it came to a point where there wasn't stability because I wasn't the master of my own happy and even if you are in a job that you're happy but you're also not making to support your family your make you're not you're your wife cannot go and buy what she needs or to go and get food it's not something that it's gonna bring stress to the house okay so it's something that you have to think I don't know like you know they do I have to change jobs you have to start start something new if it's gonna affect the house already also it's something that you have to think so let me ask you a question and I please encourage everybody on we have a question here from penny Friedman he says what's the best way to keep your wife motivated when it when things take longer than expected so it's a good question right you know your wife doesn't really care what's going on she wants to make sure that when she goes to Aga or she goes to the grocery store when she swipes that card that things are gonna happen and she's gonna be able to buy what she needs for the family right so it's hard he's absolutely right it's hard to explain to to your to your to your wife why you know why things are taking a long time and to that penny I would answer that you have to just reassure her and tell her that things are gonna be okay and at the end of the day you're doing your best and yet there is another player here God who is also involved and as long as so I think it's everything you're saying is it's a 100 percent you have to tell her but also sometimes I there was times that I remember that it was tough because when he stopped his job he if he left his job it was it was hard you know and sometimes I didn't know what we could afford and we couldn't afford and it was very stressful very stressful so and my husband thought Beryl thought that maybe if he only told me it's gonna be okay it's gonna be okay I would be feel better but really what we want to hear is we want to know really like it's important for a woman to know the numbers you know for them to know what we could do and what we can do so we're not like in a limbo we're not like you know like it's important for you to be honest with her and tell her look I'm going to do my best what I'm doing now I'm gonna do my best but here are the numbers for her like her to have a budget and to see what she could spend because if you don't give her a budget or anything she's going she's not gonna she's gonna be very stressed she's not gonna know what is good and what is not good so once we heard the budget was simple we had no budget that was broken I come on Savior why you so worried about money we have none what's the problem but it's a good point yeah it's a good point transparency right yeah it's a truth you know yeah I mean I guess from a man's point of view it's scary because when you're broke it's hard to come home and say that to your wife it's a very stressful it's a very stressful conversation to have so I think that it's a I think that from a man doesn't want to say that it's very difficult for men to today it's very difficult for a man to tell his wife that listen sweetheart you know we've got nothing so I don't know what the answer is beg borrow and steal if you have to but make sure that your wife has what she needs because there's such a concept that all the blessings come from a person's wife and it's absolutely true and I'm not talking about like on a spiritual level you know blessings come from your wife on some seventh heaven I'm talking about like if your wife is happy in a good mood then you in turn are gonna be happy and a good mood any wife is miserable you're gonna be miserable happy wife happy life and I think it's important that your wife never feels the struggle that's from my perspective but if I had to beg borrow and steal maybe not steal but beg and borrow for money I absolutely would have done it to make sure that you would not have felt that pinch it's kind of like when somebody's drowning and you're holding them above water well you're not breathing but at least the person that you're holding up is still breathing and that's how I felt when when I was that struggle I never wanted you to feel never made me feel nervous like hey there was that one time do you remember when I first the day that I quit about the orange juice you want to tell him that story oh yeah we were actually talking like it was at that time that he said to his family that he's not going to work there anymore and we it was just like it was I don't know what they was but when we went to the mall one time I think it was Sunday whatever with the kids and I wanted to have a drink you know I wanted to have a simple orange juice or something and he got upset well wasn't so simple with seven dollars okay it was complicated orange juice you ever saw in your life he didn't get upset and in my mind I was like why is he getting upset it's only six dollars I don't know how it was cause I couldn't understand you know I did not understand but he was very stressed he was very stressed and but that at that moment if you are if you are looking at me and your wife of a man that is going through this right now you have to be patience okay and you have to understand that he is going through a hard time right now it's not easy not easy you had a you had a great point and please guys ask your comments on Instagram and on Facebook we will not leave this life without answering every single comment that's my promise to you you mentioned something earlier which I really want you to share with the people yeah so that's for the women that you gave advice to but give advice to some of the men out there that are changing careers changing jobs starting their own businesses about about sensitivity I just click the silenced budget okay so basically how the man also has to be there's also a change okay so when you move jobs when you go to a different job not only you are going through a big change and you're you know it's very stressful for you but also the wife is going through a big change and sometimes men this they feel so stressed but they don't realize that the wife is also going through a big big change so I don't know my advice is like I don't know an example is that yeah your advice to men out there who are changing careers yeah it's yeah destroy those companies right you have to be patient with your wife you have to be very patient because it's a big change for her also when Beryl changed his job he used to be in a very low-key kind of job he used to be in the metal business and he didn't have to make noise he didn't have to be on social media actually he barrel when he was in Globe metal where he used to work he told me one time he said you know what I wanna I don't want to have Facebook anymore and it distracts me from everything I don't want to have he didn't even have Instagram at that moment I don't wanna have Facebook so I said okay great he used to be that kind of guy he's to be focused on the medal that's it you know that's who I met when I married him and all of the sudden when he moved and he changed a different he she got a shock I was very shocked to see his new Burrell you know he was a different person 2.0 it was a different he had to be very loud and different he had to bring out his big personality I don't love I mean he had to have to rely with all so really I know you're doing great yes it was very hard for me it was very hard for you because I'm a very quiet person I'm a very I don't want people to know what we're doing all the time I'm a very quiet person and for me it was very hard very very hard at the pay her to be on this life no actually it's very weird that I mean the life I never did anything like this before and it's it was hard for me to sit down I was very nervous before I came but yeah for me was so like I was like we were out it was the beginning that he was going on Facebook now and like doing lives and videos and one time I remember were in Panama it was just the start Burrell didn't have an office he didn't have anything yet he didn't have anything I was working out of a coffee shop he he used it we went to Panama and he would go from office to office to ask people he knocked on people's doors and he knocked on people's only asked him if he wants to commercial like in Spanish he wanted to see why no hablo espanol okay so at that moment he was taking videos of everything and I was like we were I remember we're eating lunch together and he was taking a video of himself talking I'm like what are you doing like I was like I to be honest I wasn't I wasn't used to this person to this new person and I was a little bit embarrassed what people were gonna say but I'm gonna be honest now it's different now you know I got I'm very much more comfortable and I was asking what are you trying to do also the world changed yeah hidden used to be like this before that people would go on life and and go on put videos before it wasn't like this and now it's more coming right but before I was I was just like I was like what are you doing this and I was I was insecure also I was like no no no don't post I don't want people to see what we're doing what were what you're doing you know it was hard and it was very hard I think one of the reasons what you never spoke about one of the reasons why Eliana was scared to for me to pose to be so honest is because we didn't know if it was gonna work or not we didn't know if it was gonna be if there was gonna be successful or not so imagine you tell the whole world you're gonna do something and then you fail how scary that must be yeah so I think that's one of the reasons why I wanted me to keep it quiet and I said to myself you know there's a good analogy that I once heard that I live by that there was once a a Army General who took his entire army to an island to fight with with a country and as everybody got off the boat got off the ship the army general turns around and he lights the ship on fire behind him and the whole army says what did you just do that that was our only way to escape and he says that's exactly why I did it because now you have no excuse we have to succeed so when I went into this new business I said to myself I'm burning the ships behind me I have no choice but to succeed I'm going big or I'm going home and I'm gonna fail I'm gonna fail big I have a good question here by answer can we finish this thing though we're talking and then we go to a question or something else you're my boss so ok do whatever you want it with by the way my company's not used to seeing me have a boss I tell you one you better be nice to her because she's the boss at bus so basically also touching this object man you're fired I'm stuck I'm just joking I'm sorry no touching the subject of having a husband that is out there you know okay we used to it was so hard for me for him to like see among videos I had to see every single video that he was making and putting it on I do every single day when he was putting a video I would look at it I would look I was obsessed I was like what is he gonna do now what is it gonna do now why is he doing this oh and when he came home I would be like why did he say this why did he say that and like that and it came into a point and that and he was so upset also he was like why are you yeah we got into a lot of fights cuz it was very hard in the beginning very very hard and we actually even went to a rabbi to speak about this it was really hard I rather to speak about what like this new thing that is going on in our lives like when I met him he was very different and by the way if you don't have a rabbi that's cool and if you're not Jewish it's also cool we love you too yeah we spoke to someone because we needed yes that's it we needed to speak to something about this speak to your teacher speak to somebody that you cared I don't know I meant as a mentor not your parents do not speak to your mother-in-law but yet your parents also my parents like you know I love my Sarah I love you you're the best no no parents don't sometimes they're concerned right so they ask you so how is your husband doing how is he doing what is he doing so that makes you more insecure because you try to keep up with people around you your relatives and you want people to think that everything is going well like and you're getting more you're getting more pressure you know so if your parents are your relatives are telling you stuff just don't listen to anyone this is between you and your husband don't listen to anyone because people are going to try to to ask you when you start something new people are really gonna want to know what's going on and they're gonna really be there on top yeah good point 100% this is between you and your wife or you and your you and your spouse all right we have another question how do you not how do you support your husband and make sure that he is staying positive even when things are getting tough okay it's a good question so you have to know woman out there that this question is this all belongs the successor your husband is gonna go through it's really a lot of it it's uh under wives on the wives part okay when I was insecure and when I was telling him why are you doing this why are you doing that and out like that he wasn't doing so well at that moment as soon as I stopped question questioning him and and being upset and I just let him do what he wants to do and just trust even and also even if your husband is not so brilliant even if he's not doing so well and even if he's he's like he sucks okay what are you going to say even if even if he sucks if the woman is happy for him and if the woman shows him support he's gonna do good trust me she's going to succeed at you yeah we have any second one say before you get to it thank you I just want to mention on that note there's I know people who are brilliant people and their wives do not support them and I know and their and and they're not successful I know people who are completely ignorant missus and their wife support them and they're successful yes yes so important your wife isn't a blessing comes from that wife 100% 100% yes Instagram question guys answer questions we will not leave today without answering your wonderful question uncut uncensored his question is what is the number one advice you would give to newlyweds about business and family life balance woo good question so first of all your family life balance forget about it okay a lot of people tell me this whole family life family of them hey you do not have a family life if you cannot pay your rent do you understand what that means when you're standing on the street corner with your they shut off our electricity in our house my family life then was not good okay I wish that I had spent more time in the office and I had done what I had to do to make sure that my family was comfortable financially and successful financially by the way in terms of it doesn't mean that there should be no spirituality in the house it's very important to bring God in the house as well you know as Jewish people we have something we have something called Shabbat which is one day a week where we don't use any electronics we don't work we don't do anything and that is our day to focus on our family and our day to focus on ourselves and I think that everybody in the world Jewish non-jews whatever whatever it is your job you should have one day that this is my day that I'm taking off for the week and I'm completely unplugged but the rest of those five days man you got to be focused you got to be hustling forget it what work-life balance here's another thing okay newlyweds out there that is the most important time of your life we took out 90 we took three months we went to Israel and we had the opportunity to get to know you get to know each other and I didn't have to work because our we had a gift from my father-in-law that allowed us to go do that and that was a beautiful experience now not everyone has such a that they could just leave you know III he gave us a wonderful gift and I appreciate it forever but in terms of finances and newlyweds you got to get that straight you know you be I don't want to say don't get married until you have your finances straight but if you're unemployed you cannot get married it just doesn't it just doesn't work you have to support your family you have to support your life I used to go to restaurants what do you connect married I like that yes good I don't I don't agree with that good I'm glad I don't agree I'm good I'm happy you did I hope you do I used to go to restaurant used to cost me nine dollars and 20 cents when I went your restaurants okay now I go to a restaurant no matter what it's costing me 9.9 TDOT no matter what happened no matter what day even if it's just you and me for that matter because you can't say no to your wife when she wants an appetizer how can you say such a thing but but really you go with your kids damn $141 meaning some people earn $400 the whole week so you don't agree with me that you can't thinking I'm married if you don't know know what it what they're gonna they're gonna wait till till they get married no the wife's also brings up blessings also when we got married I love it that you could contradict me it's good by the way you could contradict each other and you could still be in love okay well we got married um if you're Jewish here and we talked about that for a second hang on I want to talk about I don't think you could get married without a job I do think whatever you know but but how you gonna pay for your apartment how you gonna take your food when you get married you both of you have to work I don't know you have to get a job or something you for sure have to get a job but I mean if you're waiting a long time for you to get a job and nothing is I don't know I don't know but let's we're talking to the bed so we're talking to right one size doesn't fit all I will mention this by the way is that when I did get married I started making a lot more after I got married like almost four times that's why I was gonna get yeah almost like four times as much because God knows you need more now basically what before when we got married my father he I was I'm from Panama um and I met someone from one trial you know in my father and my mom were a little bit concerned to just send me there you know so my father actually had to talk to with Barrow and he said how much are you making it was very uncomfortable you know he actually asked him that it's very uncommon and and my mom asked my father is it okay when my father already spoke to him my mom asked I said okay he said yeah it's okay it's okay so whatever we're not married and when we got married we went to when I went to I remember the first time I went to after we got married if you're Jewish it's like a play that you go inside like like a water thing and you purify yourself you could ask a lot of questions it's a very spiritual thing if you're Jewish and I asked a lot I guess for NASA for for livelihood for my husband and everything for our family this when we just got married I it's funny as soon as I left the mikvah as soon as I left that place my husband just told me I just made a big a deal it was like like this and I see and and like it changed like we got up we had a baby and and all of a sudden like it completely like it's it's really up to God it's incredible like like you could get married and you think that you have this but then your wife's bring your wife brings you a lot of blessings and also your kids each kiddie you have it's like it's an incredible I don't also what I'm thinking about when I'm sitting down and I'm praying to God about about livelihood also I feel like you have to pray a lot as a wife while your husband is working you have to sit down and talk to God a little bit BAM I agree one thing that I do agree with you about is a lot of things but is that you don't have to you don't have to when it comes to children for sure you don't have to wait until you have enough money that I totally do not agree with that a lot of people say oh when I have enough money and then I'm gonna have kids I can't afford kids right now my father-in-law always told me that every single child comes with a loaf of bread under their arm when they're born meaning they support themselves and I actually want to tweak that is that every child comes with a little miniature bread factory it's not like oh you have a child and he comes with ten grand in his pocket and that's what you have to get him going you know that child continues to bring you blessings continues do you know how much it cost have three children you have any idea it's it's a fortune but somehow someway I mean we spend what we spend we spent three to five hundred dollars a week at the grocery store that's how much it cost to feed two we have a little army really and and yeah and a hundred percent so do you have any other questions on Instagram yeah go ahead Oh Greg Eisenberg ler my best buddy how you doing Greg good good men how do you support your wife well Eliana mentioned that this is something that I was insensitive to that when you're switching careers when you're starting a business or you're transferring from one domain to the next you think it's all about you and and I was you know so in raft in my journey in my struggle and my everything that I just could not understand why Eliana was so nervous and why she was looking over my shoulder so much and why she was so stressed I said what do you what are you stressing about this is my thing my journey my struggle why are you stressing and I'd say how do you support your wife is as you mentioned before it'd be honest be open be real don't try to hide your struggles from your wife or your husband because they know they know that you're struggling they know that there's a tent there's a tent it's better if it's better if you tell your wife what's going on than being cold because she's not gonna know why you're cold to her you know she's not gonna know what's happening that's what I think you have to be honest with her and and you connect to her much more you you become very connected when you're when you're being vulnerable you're vulnerable vulnerable to your wife you start becoming you start talking being honest with each other and it becomes you become so close to that person and instead of not talking to her and being upset and you don't want to tell her but it's a worst to not tell her it's better to be open that's what I was gonna say actually that's a good point when you're stressed your spouse feels that and often feelings do not have words and feelings do not communicate what what words communicate so you might be in a bad mood because nothing is going your way and your spouse may be interpreting that as oh he's mad at me or she's mad at me and instead of not talking about it and letting that negative feely linger Express expressed your wife hey listen I'm having trouble finding a job right now the job that I'm working at my boss is really not being nice to me or you know I switch careers and it's just not working out right now I'm trying my best please you know and sometimes do your wife could give you some advice also because you're someone's you're in the box you're inside that moment in situation and you can't see out of the box once you speak to her she could like advise you it it's nice also yeah I I run a lot of things by you even though you have my wife has no business experience whatsoever but she knows me she has Beryl experience and so they had sometimes she's able to tell me things that I don't even under question on Instagram all right guys this has been super fun god bless thank you something I want to talk about why do you want you won't come ugly for sure there's something else to say just keep keep it's gonna go well you have to keep doing your thing you know and your wife has to support you it's very hard in the beginning we used to have hard times when he moved to a different job it was very stressful and I don't know just be patient be patient and and talk to your wife and to get work with each other together and if you have to speak to someone if you have this victim mentor or a rabbi or whoever you you speak to speak to them it's very very important together together right in the same room guys god bless thank you for watching what you have two more questions okay yes is the hardest in the beginning what is considered a normal amount of time when you're not home because you're at work that's a very good question who asset who asked it Fishman thanks for asking the question so let me just repeat it for everybody didn't hear starting a business is very difficult especially the beginning what is a reasonable amount of time to be at the office and what could be expected that is reasonable there were nights that I was in the office until 11 o'clock at night when I was starting everything and I had to get my website together and I had to get everything going and what you remember that I don't remember because you were out of town that's why I was able to but when you're with your wife it's you can't come at that time home yes maybe in your house or in your house a little bit I agree I agree yeah it's very late to come to your house at that time one thing that I will say though is that I will you know ask the wives out there and you can ask the husband's out there things too but what I will ask the wives out there is when you are starting that new business when your husband is starting a new business or a new job or new career just give him the give him the leash that he needs give him the slack that he needs give him the space that he needs in order to build that because no one wants to be in the office past 5 6 o'clock let's be honest we all have lives this week we do other things besides work but you don't want to be there but sometimes you need to be there so what's a reasonable amount of time I personally try to be home every single day by 6 o'clock or earlier to make sure I'm there to eat dinner with my family I never work on Saturdays I never work on Sundays but in the beginning you have to put in those extra hours and you have to be sensitive today yeah talk to your wife and ask her how if it's okay that you come home an hour later or something like that but to do a drastic time from 6:00 to 11:00 or 3 hours more it's very drastic maybe doctor and you guys get into our compromise right yeah that's it that's a good point don't tell your wife what you're gonna do ask her if what you want to do is okay what else you done this one wants to meet you guys who wants to meet us well don t v--'s as can we meet you guys on time about your honor if you're paying for dinner we're meeting yeah cool god bless guys have a great night I port your spells event love your spouse and let's make our marriages great again