Being an Open Minded Jew - Let's Get Real with Coach Menachem - Rabbi Efrem Goldberg

okay everybody welcome to tonight's cheer thank you for joining us from around the world we appreciate it tonight's here is sheer number 78 with the let's get real program with coach menachem burnfield and we appreciate everybody for coming here i always start off every week's telling all of our members thank you for promoting us on the what's app statuses and telling people about to share about the programming and letting people know about it we have tremendous growth tremendous uh amount of followers now and every week the shares are getting better and better and better um if anybody wants to join the what's up stats chats with the status of just uh what's happening me personally at 848.525.0066 it's 848.525.0066 and i'll say save the number and i'll send you every sunday the flyer for anybody who's watching this share the review on youtube please click on the like button and click on the the subscribe button button so one day we could be as big as rebecca goldberg's youtube channel and making millions of dollars from it just like him that's the goal over here so please uh click on the like button i want to start off first thanking all of our advertising sponsors here in lakewood the lakewood scoop for promoting us here special thank you to robbie and anita hazak for promoting us and especially thank you to kylo california summer for promoting us on all the digital jewish platforms again if anybody's the first time every sunday night at 10 p.m on this zoom id we have an amazing program usually a robotic therapist amazing people and um it's been a while next week on november 7th we're going to be having an amazing program with with ah once again i'll get to that in a second we're doing a test run because of by popular demand to start at 9 30 because many people say that that they're gonna sue me for sleep that profession deprivation and guess what if we're keeping them up to 12 12 30 1 o'clock in the morning so we're gonna start trying a little bit earlier next week for 9 30. for four weeks and we're going to see how that goes and we'll see uh if it works better for everybody it's a little bit hard for me because i'm a night i'm a night owl i usually wake up around 9pm so uh i'll have to get things going first um again uh next week november 7th we'll have an amazing episode of the world famous he's a businessman he's a sales coach by hirem and all the big companies the forbes companies he's spoken to his name is adam lieberman he's a famous guy and he's going to be speaking on the topic that i think is relevant to everybody we want it we have it we need it the challenges and opportunities that come with money and pronosa i'm going to be discussing both angles people that are very wealthy the angle the the the situations they have to deal with and like most of us the struggles of pranossa and just paying our bills how to deal with that so please tell everybody about it and try to come next week should be amazing tonight we have this host of having with us world famous uh rabbi rev ethan goldberg from beautiful sunny boca raton florida with here tonight hopefully i'll be visiting you around january time to work can't wait looking forward it's getting a little cold and let's start off first with opening comments from our host coach menachem berenfeld menachem blow it open thank you thank you very much welcome everyone for another episode of the parkinson we have this first to have rabbit from goldberg tonight the truth is we're still coming down from last week rabbi yossi zakatinsky he mentioned about panemia centauri and we're trying to figure out what panemias is for those who were able to go a little bit deeper and he did mention that it takes time until you find the right thing that connects the safer whatever it is and he mentioned that it's like a smorg you try one thing you give it some time you know don't don't try to have it all at once and if it doesn't work you go to the next and you go to the next you try to see what connects to you and that was more panemias i think tonight we're going to be discussing a little bit um take it to the next level maybe not so much panemias it could be a little bit heterogeneous of yiddish guides and tonight's topic is a little bit uh sticky one could be sticky for many um for those who live in the box for you know you want to open a little window to let some fresh air in it not always is it a good idea to open somebody's eyes you know again i don't know i don't know where you're coming from where you are and but a good example is let's say the kids people do care sometimes they they say it's hard because they get to see all the types of people and we don't want them to to be exposed that's a good good example that just do what i did my father grandfather and that's it no questions that's one way of doing things but um eventually you get older you want to understand a little bit i think this vikuach is a really old one maisha rabbenu had his request with his share said much they're going to teach everything they have to know but israel said no excuse me um i want them to go on the journey that i went on i tried everything out and i got to that car of hashem by myself so they had to figure this out i'm not sure what the shotgun did but they made a decision one kid like this and one thing like that it's it's it's a it's a question and uh it's we can't really um come to the conclusion it it really has to be each person to their own and the truth is baltruvas it's interesting if you listen to belchuva sometimes they could come to a place where they connect to the sky where you are already and you're looking at them and thinking i don't know what you're talking about it's like you grew up there and it you don't connect to it even though you're talking about the same thing for him that connects himself i just want to share a story there's an interesting one many years ago in eric's stroll my wife uh we did some care of in the fella esther and there was a girl over there um coming back through balchuva come back to yiddish guys and it was very nice she wanted to come for shabbos and she mentioned she wants to bring her friend she had a friend she met in svas her boyfriend so debating and they they were very they were very connected and they were growing together and his name was jake so they were coming for shabbos and i found out that this boy was joyly for monroe that ended up in svas and he was going to do whatever she wants because they were going to be together forever and this was a serious question they were really she was growing yiddish guys coming to bigger heights and he was there who knows how he got there and he decided who knows what so we had them for shabbos and we had jake over there and then in the middle of the suit i told him yeah they can't mystomaches best of me he's like you know coming from monroe so yeah that's true so again you have different type of people coming different directions and questions what they're looking for at the end they both went on their own way and they got the better places uh hashem but to know where we are what connects and what works for me and sometimes i get ideas from other places and you're not sure if it does work or not so in tonight we're going to hear more from every from goldberg i believe this is how he runs this community and he's on a mission so michigan we should be able to help we should have so we should all hear what we need to hear to grow and become closer to hashem thank you very much okay let's get into it um again just mentioning again and i'm still writing the first forty shiren in short of the book tonight's share 78 keep that in mind anybody wants to be involved in any way or sponsor a chapter or help them write it please email coachmen on gmail.com um tonight's share will be something very interesting rabbit goldberg i got a request from somebody tonight so we're going to learn to share this this request tonight share everybody's listening we need everybody attention for this one tonight she will be learned in schools of a very special couple that i know well who has not been blessed with children of their own i am reaching out to a broad audience that will watch this to see if there's anybody out there could help them with an adoption process please if anybody has any help with this or disclosure from the share should just be as close with them and shamayim please reach out to coach monaco gmail.com and we will forward all the information to this couple and make sure and we hope to hear good things again after last week's conversation everybody else is akatinski with discussing deeper meaning and yiddish sort of catapulted it into this topic so it's like a little bit like we're feeding off each other a lot of people are talking about what the topic is what it is they're standing i'm getting texts aware tonight's topic is open-minded open-mindedness in yiddish and all different mahakam in in yiddish kite and we have a very broad world right now right people getting texts from miles widowman right the guy could live in boca raton florida and ramadan you gotta watch that from him and you see like everything is open and people are all over the place and it's a topic that truly probably everybody in some way struggles with it but we want to really bring it to the table tonight won't discuss it that's an interesting topic and we have this host of having uh rabbi from goldberg has tonight so i'm going to redraft ephraim's bio and you'll fix it up whenever i make a mistake and then he'll go straight to the opening rabbi from goldberg is a senior rabbi book returned florida brs and a rapidly growing congregation of over a thousand family with thousands of children of boca raton brs is the largest orthodox synagogue in the southeast united states robert goldberg's warm a welcoming personality and self-attract diverse backgrounds and ages to feel parts of the brs community reforcing the brs critique of valuing diversity and celebrating unity rabbi edward goldberg the floor is yours sugar thank you so much a good evening to everyone and let me begin by giving a huge a shaka to you ushering to coach menachem i'm looking out and i see the numbers over 370 people at 10 15 on a sunday night who are benealia who are here and watching and participating live for no other reason i hope it's not to be entertained but to be inspired and to be informed and uh reese's but that's not true tonight you see this number and you see this crowd it's really it's inspiring it's incredible what you've accomplished what you've achieved to create this worldwide chabura simultaneously who are united by the desire to grow and to struggle to confront difficult conversations conversations that maybe make us a little uncomfortable or challenge us to leave our comfort zone and to explore a little bit more who we are so i am very indebted to you and humbled by the opportunity to share with you and appreciate appreciate this chance let me tell you what this is not i want to talk to you a little bit about where i'm coming from very personally sort of my spiritual autobiograph autobiography what we try to do in our community and our shul in terms of its diversity diversity with a sense of community all the shame shamayim all to be marble i am all to bring us closer to the ribonucleon to grow torah and i want to tell you what this is not my goal tonight is if you are comfortable in your hashkafa now let me start out with this disclaimer the assumption of our conversation is we're talking within the boundaries of torah and mitzvos and outside of that and where you define those boundaries exactly can be complicated we know there are debates within hasidim there are debates within them there are debates within ashkenazim inspired him so we have different han haga's men hug him we have different backgrounds and different misoras but for the sake of this conversation we're not talking about somebody who's trying to pierce or break down the barriers the war walls the boundaries of the life of torah mitzvos the assumption is non-negotiable they are the blueprint of our lives that we are bound by our abaya however you formulate it the backdrop the foundation the assumption this conversation is that we're talking about a community of people who are committed to torah mitzvos and so let me tell you what i'm not going to try to do tonight my goal if you are comfortable if you come from a particular yeshiva if you identify with a particular hasidus if you have certain manhattan in your family if you have a rebbe and a messora my goal is not to try to convince you to leave it's not to try to convince you to water down or dilute it's not to try to convince you to switch teams or to pivot and to join someone else i simply want to describe where i am and how i feel and when i first put this out there to the greater oil i'm not just my show in our community but to the jewish world that large people reached out to me from all four corners of the globe to say yes we're putting into words exactly how i feel thank you for making a space to describe where i am so if you're comfortable where you are stay there my goal is not to convert you my goal is not to change you my goal is simply to generate this conversation to talk about what does it mean to be exposed to be aware of to feel comfortable in a greater torah world than when we're in personally i grew up in teaneck new jersey i learned in yeshiva university nyu i'm a talmud of muri varabhir of shekhter shlita and i'm proud of every part of those sentences where i learned and from whom i learned i'm incredibly proud i'm unapologetic i'm not shy whatsoever however however the title of this article that i wrote which captured these feelings was i'm not a modern orthodox rabbi it was a newspaper article that talked about something in reference to me rabbi from goldberg a modern orthodox rabbi and when i read it i immediately recoiled and i took exception to that description because i said that's not the sum total of who i am now someone who reads that article now someone who sees my name has these predisposed thoughts has these associations or ideas has locked me into that box is making all kinds of assumptions about me because they see that term however loaded it is whatever assumptions they have about it and now that's what they think about me so whether it's what i learned or the parts of so-called modern orthodoxy that i embrace fully and i'm unapologetic for my discomfort with being called that name has nothing to do with trying to distance myself from my past fully embrace it i'm fully proud of it however i'm bothered by the notion that that would represent the sum totality of who i am i'm a very complex person there are a lot of parts to who i am i have rebayem and i have sources of inspiration and i turn to for guidance throughout the width and breadth of the torah world ashkenazi safari hasidis litvish from lakewood to t-neck from eretz israel to wherever i feel connected to so many parts of the total world in which i've spent shabbasmundovam which i've sat in yeshivas are learned at the feet of gedola israel and i connect to the swarm and the derek and the limit of so many so to isolate and to lock me and stick me into that box to define me by only the name on my smicha is i thought to somewhat limit me and i don't want to be limited in that way now again we have we have minhagem i have been hugging from my father we have been hugging from where we're from i'm not encouraging anyone to abandon them and hug him the practices that we have maybe we have an outlook a perspective of a hashkafa that we grew up with and and there are people very comfortable in that way so for example you sit in shoes and you hear khabar rabonim it's very rare that you'll hear avert advaithora torah that doesn't come from the rebel or from the world of khabar i found in the world among them and even they quote largely not only most almost all the torah come through that world and there are you rabbis who will only quote of salvation they'll quote rabbi or jonathan sax there are people who are locked into that world and they think they have one shelf on their bookcase and it's a very small library it's the library of the yeshiva they learned in or the rebellion they learned from and i'm not saying that they're doing anything wrong those who feel that that ashkaf is the sum total of what they what does it for them and what they want to share with others fantastic there's so much to learn from them however for me for me i believe the torah is so rich and it's so beautiful it's so profound there's so many angles it's so nuanced and it comes from so many different directions and why not synthesize and why not combine and why not draw from the well the wellsprings throughout the total world throughout the torah world when the melka sasha of ashleeta for the loss of his mother when russia visited our community for example in our community by the way we have russia yeshiva from the gamut of different yeshivas we've had riverfrom waxman shalita rav david from bishop university and you rebellion from mary to stroll from the total gamut ravashaw weiss and others because like my ashkaf i want our shul to recognize and to see and to learn from and to see the beauty of torah so russia said the following when he was in boca raton when he was at brs he said quote he challenged us ahead and shahar the honesty integrity of the tomimus impurity of a hungarian the covetator of asparty and the love of their testosterones was not locking anyone into stereotypes well you can't be honest and have integrity unless you're a yeka you can't have covered a torah unless you're a sovereign of course not these are generalizations and stereotypes but his point was to say that we should not delegate these parts of whether it's midos or a torah world to those segments of the total world we should see ourselves as that synthesized blend of that total world of drawing and incorporating and combining so to get to the crux here's my thesis and then i can't wait to have this conversation i told russia i have into chakras tomorrow morning as long as people want to continue the conversation the navigator tells us the entrance to the base of maketosh had 12 gates the ud-based shaaram to the bayside mikdash and according to italians he says correspondingly each of the 12 tribes eats of the shvatim had their own nusakhatvila each shavit had their own liturgy had their own sitter had their own sakatvilla had their own heavenly gate just like in the basala make that shave and at the gate they would walk through meaning how they accessed yereshkait what spoke to them their hashgap of their worldview what they emphasized similarly in shamayim there was a gate they go through each one had their own nusa and almost 200 years later after the maggot of added that if someone doesn't know what shape that they come from if someone doesn't know where they belong what nus of tadavan just like in the basal natash there was a 13th gate sotu and shamayim there is a 13th gate and that's what he established what he called the arizona called it the character is the universal gate a yid a member of claudius who says i don't know what shay that i belong to i'm not exactly i don't fit into that box i'm not exactly that shavette i'm not exactly that yeshiva or that community that yamaka that hashkafa that shita it's not exactly me either i don't know where i belong or i belong in all twelve simultaneously such a jew at a gate for them to walk through too they had a sharla kola the 13th gate they had it down here on earth in the basal mikdash and they had it in shamayim in the noosa of the character and what i pause what i submit to you my dear friends tonight is that what's true for nusrah is true for our lives there are those who are confident which shave that they come from whichever they belong to kola kavod to you your if you know what shaving you come from i don't mean the shift i mean i know you know what shaver you come from this type of i'm in this yeshiva i'm not interested in any other issue if you know what shaver you're from belong to it live it be comfortable in it enjoy it but there are many of us i could tell you personally myself over my life when i was a talmud in yeshiva university i spent shabasana in new square by the square arriba i went three years in a row for semcrastora to new square i felt a pull i felt a connection it provided something for me that i wasn't getting that i wasn't being inspired by in my yeshiva from my rebellion not any fault or deficiency of their own but there are different schwatim and so i see myself as a member of that character i see myself walking through that 13th gate feeling comfortable drawing from the different gates around us and my friends i don't think i'm the only one i imagine many of you here tonight and many of people you know they may wear a certain yamaka or they may cover their head in a certain style they may send their kids to a certain school they may fit into a certain mold the way society wants to label us because it's convenient for society to say you're this that or the other thing you know on the dating websites today you fill in on the daily website what are you are you modern orthodox right-wing orthodox right-wing chabad the dating sites try to lock you into that hashkofa but i think there are many who look at that drop-down menu and say i don't know what to answer because i'm a little bit of each i'm a little bit of them all i take from it all i walk through that character i feel connected to so many parts of claudia's throw and i know this to be a fact the empirical evidence is undeniable because there are people in lakewood i know that yeshua university has an incredible tourist site called yutora and when they crunch their data every year the ip addresses that are consuming countless hours of the way russia yeshiva and the torah of is lakewood new jersey and if you go to yeshiva university in washington heights and those who identify are muscle of you how many of them have a year ah them on their shelf how many are watching the ramayana biederman how many are learning this form of richer maya morgenstern how many are connecting to other parts of the total world the walls have come crumbling down and the global froome torah community has access to one another and we are learning svaran and listening and watching whether one minute video clips or the full shoe room we're able to see we're able to learn magazine magazine they are exposed they're giving profiles on the totality of the total world and whereas in the past a person was locked in and you didn't read and you weren't exposed to and you knew nothing about someone from another world today the cover of those magazines could be a rosh shiva of lakewood or why you from maritza struggle or america the worlds have come crumbling down either rebbe anderson stroll and karen b avenue blackman who used to say he used to say you can put me in a box when i'm dead until then don't try to make me feel fit me into one of your labels you'll put me in a box when i'm dead until then don't try to label me because it'll be more comfortable for you we're living in a time that's more comfortable people want to label one another i need to know how to see you i want to know how to judge you i need to know how to evaluate you are you one of mine or are you the other where do you fit in by the way when such a person meets someone who's complicated complex nuance it throws them for an enormous loop they don't know what to do with them i don't know where to put you you you're a but you also are connected to that you you're knowledgeable and you're exposed to this but you also they don't know what to do with it they don't know what to do with it and so if other people feel comfortable in this world that is my thesis that is a description of who i am and where i am in my life and i can give you many more examples of trying to drink from the wellsprings of torah of the shivampanultor the diversity of torah but there's a lot of opportunity for conversation hashem in that context i'm happy to share a lot more of why do i believe in this why do i believe it's okay to believe in this what are the makotos what are the sources that a jew is allowed to see themselves in the sharacolo that you don't have to work tirelessly to belong to only one shade that lock yourself in why are we allowed to again all within the framework of a total world not breaking through barriers outside of torah the assumption of this whole conversation torah mitzvos is binding non-negotiable ephraim beautiful opening let's get into it okay we're gonna take a little poll take a minute break grab a goldberg i know you start off with the passion let's let's go take a drink here we go [Music] okay we're gonna ask everybody this poll everybody see it on the screen those two questions answer from your heart anonymously and let's just get a feeling from the crowd how do you feel about your ashkafa that you were brought up with do you feel a stifled and looking for more depth option b it's a perfect fit for you option c i wish i can get out but it's easier to stay as as in as is that's the first question second question what is keeping me from exploring other ashkaf toyo views a i don't trust myself b others will judge me or see i don't know where to start so those are two questions every answer will give you five seconds and then we'll jump into questions [Music] okay let's share the poll with everybody then we'll jump into questions here we go how do you feel about your ash kava that you were brought up with 37 of people say over here that they're stippled and looking for more depth 37 of people 50 percent of people are it's a perfect fit they're happy where they are and they're good they just came here robert goldberg just to see you because they love you and 30 to people i wish i can get out but it's easier for me to stay where i am number two what is keeping me from exploring other artichokes ten percent of people say i don't trust myself 35 of people say others will judge me and 56 of people say i don't know where to start okay let's x the south okay okay yeah let's start with the first live question and then we will let the night going everybody was supposed to have ever ever from here from boca raton florida maybe has a question that they want to ask please he's here to answer go thank you so much for the introduction and i really enjoy your living with your ministers that are following from new york and i wanted to ask so how does one gain confidence to do what is right despite what others could say or even not say but might feel the vibes that they think that what you're doing is not correct because the world that we live in is such a superficial world and focuses so much on the outside but there are so many different ways to acquire a relationship with the kadus barco is a good question you heard the question clearly i think i heard the question clearly which is that it's a very superficial world it's a judgmental world and how can a person know what to do or where to go or what to look or how to open themselves up to other opportunities because there's a fear there's a fear first of all the fear people don't trust themselves and there's a fear that um there's a fear that others will judge us it could impact our children shidduchim they could impact whether they get into the issue of the seminaries we could impact so many things so we're living in that position of fear so it's a fantastic question so let me say this first of all the ribonuclear he gave you an intuition and instinct to give you an intellect and he gave you a curiosity and he wants you to go discover him avraham avinu founder ibanushalam we are the talmidim of you know we are the progeny the children of avram avinu and we're also on a journey of finding ourselves mahogany begins a person should ask himself what is my duty what is my obligation where is my place in the world to be marcus mccomo who am i and what is my place and what difference am i making meant to make so the superficial world we live in it tries to fit us in these narrow box and then we end up competing with one another we end up trying to um trying to imitate one another but our mission is to be who we are and who we're meant to be and who we are who are meant to be includes a process of a journey of discovery that's the lachlan videos go and find you there wasn't a destination that was offered there were no coordinates there was nothing to plug into ways of the gps the left was to go where islam ever show him says that a person who tries to live the life of another person they say i'm going to imitate you i'm going to compete with you i want to look like you act like you i'll have the same job as you i'll sit in the same committees as you oh i keep the same hours of the basement as you i'm going to be exactly like you that florida says that is the definition of a vote azara it's avodah my avodah to hashem is zoro it's foreign to me it's not me it's not who i meant to be so the to be on a journey of discovery now again what i'm saying is not so radical at all i'm not suggesting switch the type of yamaka switch the type of hair covering switch your children school yeshiva i'm not suggesting radical shifts or changes from where we come from if a person is comfortable where they come from if a person is proud if a person feels inspired if a person is living a rich jewish life then be happy my point is that there's shouldn't have the fear to also be exposed to what else is out there and we have the gift right now of technology now i might have been afraid to say that particularly let's say to a lake with except that you're all on zoom right now let's be honest with one another if you're here right now and you're listening whether on zoom or later on youtube or podcast or whatever device or platform you're listening on to whatever degree you are embracing technology you might even be part of a community that tells you that's also in traif and forbidden and yarra valjavor but you're here anyway because you're craving you're hungry you're searching you're looking you're a ben or a bassalia you want to grow you want to find you want to discover so my answer is that without taking enormous risk without risking the shidduchim of our children without risking our children getting into these schools the yeshivas of their choice a person can grow and learn whether it's on other platforms or devices like this to listen to read to learn to be inspired to experience other segments of the community you know when the members of our community go to searle after high school for a year and they ask me when they say what should i what's the most important thing what do you recommend what do i need to experience in that year i say to them of course aside from drawing out everything you can from the yeshiva the seminary that you're in taking every class and sitting at the feet of every great person and learning every moment and aside from going to the holy sites of the veritas earl i always say try to make the rounds and heir to searle among diverse communities don't just go to your aunt whereas a new american kitchen don't go to your cousin where it's comfortable the food's good and it's american bed don't just go where you know and where you're comfortable eric israel has a rich tapestry a beautiful diversity of torah communities of torah communities i mentioned marijuana russia weiss ravashah weiss is a kleisenberger khasid he is undisputed one of the major postcom a gobble bee israel ravashar i think is somebody who every community recognizes his godless batora bashar do you know where usher gives sheer every week or every month and heritage israel aside from the shirom he gives in his yeshivas and his colon he goes to the hezdo yeshiva and they wrote he's spoken in hezbollah shiva in gushets he makes the rounds because he says if people are thirsty for torah i'll go there to share it as long as they're part of the ulama torah as long as they're part of the the legitimate world of torah and so if he's not afraid to go to the different diverse worlds to teach torah then why are we afraid to be exposed to the diverse worlds to learn torah i'm not talking about outside those worlds but within the worlds of the ulam torah that can work together why are we afraid so don't worry about your neighbor and don't worry my yomru what they're going to say about you privately privately slowly incrementally a little bit to experience and i'll tell you why i think it's very important and i want to clarify this one to kuda and i know that a lot of questions will get to other questions but when you have a rev on you can't begin to think that any answer is going to be short so i don't feel that bad i want to clarify something i'm not suggesting if you know what shape that you belong to you have to switch to the character but i am suggesting that you not lock yourself into one shavet la fuke to the exclusion of every other shavit of all the rest of the shvatham to pastel all the other shwatan out there and i'll tell you why if not for you because you're comfortable for your children and for our grandchildren i'm telling you because i see the horror stories of what happens boca del rey is the capital of the world of addiction and recovery and i see people that come from very very firm communities and i'm not blaming parents and i'm not blaming addiction specifically on this issue alone but in almost every conversation you have with people who come from incredibly intense firm upbringings who've walked away they'll tell you that the world i was in was so narrow and it was so suffocating and it was so small and it was so judgmental that if i didn't fit exactly and if i had any curiosity and if i challenged with any question there was no room for me i was a shagit i was a guy and you know what if i'm a shaygitz and a guri i might as well live like ashay gets in a guy and that's why very often the people who go off the door from that community they don't end up somewhere else with their shomatorio mitzvos but in a different ashkaffa they walk away entirely because they've been told ah shave it's the only shavit there's no shift they cut there's no shark this is it this is the only way to live to learn torah these are the only hanago's the only ashkafa these are the only monogam this is it and if you deviate in iota if you ask one question there's no room for you it's either our way or you're going so i might as well go live and i might as well go be a guy i see those horror stories i see that pain i see the results of that narrowness so i'm not saying anyone should leave their shade and join the sharacolo i'm saying that perhaps perhaps if we proudly wave the banner of our shaven and we proudly teach and inculcate the background of our shade to our children but we also teach them that we live in this global open world in which i don't care where you come from there's opportunity to be exposed to diversity and to other things out there that if we if we can appreciate and teach a respect and an openness within the ulama torah again we're talking only within the diverse ulama torah i think we'll keep more of our children within the firm world because they won't get squeezed and pushed out by the narrowness that makes no room for them to go you know we're beautiful okay let's go to the next live question you're on all right so number one um this is clock i just wanted to thank you for all the help that you've done um for quarter cool in particular which is the organization i am involved in uh but my question is essentially um i come from a very open-minded family where it happens to my mom comes from tinac morphy stern back rather than my father it's more because climb guys so we always had diversity in the house but as the community i live in is becoming more and more rigid i'm getting more and more judgment for not necessarily wearing a hat every single day and um you know not wearing a jacket i have my reasons for it um i i dabbing three times a day i keep travis and there are certain things that i'm just getting judged by and when i went to the ralph and michael for guidance he's like well maybe you should try to fit in more and i honestly want to do what is comfortable for me um and i am a very open-minded individual and i don't judge others do feel what they do what it's like for them but i guess coming from that open mind in society my question is essentially a person who is being called modern and fiona whether that's true or not in that society what can i do and i'm sure there are other people like this as well um to make things i would say a little better you think it's a great question first of all it's great to see you thank you all the work you do for torah tarakula and everybody here should know yet he's one of my heroes it's really an amazing story of of what you do to spread torah in the world so it's like it's a great question and it relates to the last question because for whatever reason you're not comfortable right now wearing a hat does that mean you're not in hashem you don't have your shamayim you're not a bentora does that mean that you don't have a place there are a lot of people who wear hats because doesn't come close to measuring up to yours whose talmud and spreading of torah doesn't come close to matching up of yours these are superficial criteria happens to be i wear a hat seven days a week i wear a hat so i'm not knocking at ranking a hat i wear a hat but is the hat the sum total of who we are does that become the tool the instrument the weapon through which we are going to judge or beat or feel holier than now from others so i think a person has to have a rebbe it's like i know you have rebellion and you have a rebbe that you have to ask people have to ask their questions to we have to seek out ammunition whatever terminology you want to employ but we have people it's we speak to the role models the sources of inspiration the guidance and the authorities of our life and we come to the conclusions of who we want to be and how we want to live and so they're different communities that are different than hagim and there's nothing wrong with that and we have to respect that it's a dinin has objective absolute standards they are the halacha that's non-negotiable but then built and caked into the denim of the hostilis is that when you're in a community that has more strict definitions or practices of science you have a responsibility and obligation to respect them so you don't walk in and flout and say you know what but i don't keep that and it's not the strict so who are you to tell me i have to no that's so there's a notion that we respect the community that we're visiting we respect the community that we're living in but the same token when we're making the personal decision for ourselves in whatever community we're going to be we should have some self-confidence we should have some belief in ourselves and we should seek these sources of inspiration and guidance around us and once they've weighed in to be confident in the conclusion that we reach proud of who we are and live our best to be a better bassalia to live and to grow the most that we can okay all right goldberg let's get into some questions over here people sent in and we still have a lot live we're gonna try to cover as much as possible okay absolutely let's start with this um we've learned to we belong to a certain casitas i'm very happy however one of my kids is struggling with this particular community he's not rebellious he's a firm kid but it's not acceptable to do things differently here how do i deal with this with him and with the community it's a great question that's a question that's not even necessarily about the shout out colonel in particular it's a question about parenting and it's a question about not outreach but in reach retention how do we take our children who maybe don't feel exactly that they belong in that box because it's so small and narrow and how do i write classifiers we're talking about a kid that let's say and now he's more wants to be like this or more literature now becoming wrestler so again my experience with myra baimaf taught me is all you do is shower that child with love the child shamu toro mitzvos with that ashkaf or that practice doesn't speak to them so what's the alternative to stiff for them suffocate them keep them in until they're miserable till you drive them away from from kite altogether or to recognize they want to stay from so it's not their way so it's not their way i have mishpocha in lakewood and we know that the old school basement learning talmud and they have a child who became a hassan and they shower him with love it's beautifully shimmer torah mitzvos he learns torah he's what's there to be this is where we should be uh upset this is where we should be um disappointed i i think that there's no alternative but to shower them with love you know we're not in the ghetto anymore kaiser once lived in ghettos and there was a certain whether it was forced from the outside because the secular world didn't welcome us in or whether we created a structure that was insular that kept people in but once upon a time we were able to keep everybody in check i'm not even sure that's true but we like to live in the world to make believe that once upon a time we could and in that world a child went off to derek a child into married we tore kriya we sat shiva but the world has changed the world has changed radically the world is open it's wide open it is inviting and there are opportunities to be exposed to learn to practice to see to be and we have to pivot we have to shift in our expectations and the feedback that we give so we should have expectations of our children we should want them to be the most that they could be in total way but we should be proud yaakov avinu wasn't proud that he was the father of the shift they called the twelve shavatim they weren't all cookie cutter they didn't all exactly resemble him they were different they were different and yet he was equally proud of them all because he repre he respected that they were different schwartm the different schwa themselves and the shahrukh khole of the one who walks through the last so i think that if a child is remaining from and stark there's going to be total of mitzvos but who wants to change their sk orientation that hasidah speaks to them speaks to them by the way we have a world and a rich history of of great hasidis who didn't come from the word of hasidis and then they went for hashabas and they said one speaks to my head he speaks to my heart we know all these stories and so i don't think there's anything wrong i think they need to be showered with love they need to be showered with support they should be showered with respect and there should be conversation there should be conversation to be able to navigate if there are differences how are they navigated there's a fear the parents have a fear that if he doesn't he wants to change he's saying he's going to stay that way but maybe he's starting to let go of everything else so again i don't know the specific question do you have a kitty says change that's what everybody's scared of whichever way if you come back some people are scared of that also more lit fish he's taking off his hat and now he's thinking of his jacket and who knows where it's going so there's a fear of that appearance of not being able to say what you're saying to shower with love do whatever you want but what's the alternative and the alternative is to do what what's the alternative that parent comes to you and they say my child they don't always want to learn nightstanders there's a tissue they want to go to this if i bring them they want to sit in two and you're going to say what tommy terry can i get cool no you can't go to the tissue you can't go to the fabric you can't consider no player good so you're teaching they don't say i want to go to the movies and i want to go to the game and i want to go to the they're saying i want to go to fabrian i want to go to a tish i want to experience a different something speaks to my neshama differently what's the alternative what are you telling them before you eliminate my way what's the alternative there's an alternative what's the alternative you say it's beautiful you know shama you're from it's it's it's you're a benalia that night it's inspiring you fantastic tomorrow morning we resumed the morning seder that's it what's the alternative let's go right there okay joseph let's go uh good evening rabbi goldberg um i am a foreign i've been here for five years uh i mean 20 years um i've tried many times to contact you and never been able to get through so if this question is somewhat controversial then i apologize my my point is as follows that tashkoffer drives a lot unfortunately i've been involved in a very difficult divorce and why am i raising this point because the best thing of america refuses to ever put into seraph a woman who's gone to our choice whereas in other communities they follow the holocrons and that to me is a serious problem when upon him in the modern orthodox community are always siding with the woman no matter how many a virus of alcoholism they do whereas at least in the more yeshivis community you find pockets that are open-minded and let me expound on this a little bit more this is not only just involving masira and irkos it's involving breaking families parental alienation and when men refuse to cut you off let me just finish i'll be one more second when men refuse to keep getting because their wives have violated and and and been involved in such serious parental alienation and the modern orthodox community always sides with the woman always puts a seraph on the man the best thing of america has never put a cerebellum on a woman then for you to make this kind of general statement that we should all be in one big tent i have serious issues with you started off by saying okay evan goldberg yeah joseph let me let me respond in one sentence not sure if it's okay where's joseph i'm so sorry for your pain i i hear that there's enormous pain from your experience and i'm terribly sorry for it this could be the first time in history that the modern orthodox world was called closed-minded and the yeshivish world was called open-minded i don't speak for the modern orthodox world i don't speak for the basis of america i don't speak for your particular incident all i'll tell you is this you could find online because i do try to fight for ragunas and i do try to advocate and i do try to stand up every single time i've spoken about that subject online or offline and you can test me i always say it's not always the woman who's innocent and the man is the perpetrator i've been involved in cases where the woman is practicing parental alienation but the woman is manipulative or the woman is exploiting and the husband is the victim who deserves our support every single time i say that disclaimer and that's the way i personally have tried to practice i can only speak for myself i don't represent and can't speak for others but i feel your pain and i'm so sorry for it here's an interesting question that came in i was born in the ultra swedish family from curiosity while i was growing up it worked but was very hard now bakshona married and decided to live in a more out of town relaxed lifestyle i'm getting a lot of negative feedback and as if i'm in a bad heat when in reality i didn't choose to be brought up the way i was and i'm 100 percent from and i got issue and what what could i do about this the the questioner is asking what can i do about this to do what to feel good about myself to go for pesach with my family and not to feel like uh what's what's the question he needs physique and how to talk to his family right so so you understand the nikuda there is that what sounds like from the question again if a person says i grew up i was raised from but it's too intense it's too suffocating so i don't want to really always keep shabbos or keep kosher i want to walk away and help me feel that i fit into the shahrukh khola i want to be very clear as clear as am i being clear that is not what we're talking about tonight this is an individual coach monaco the way you phrased the question the individual says i'm still firm i lived in a community that has certain mode of dress a community that a certain culture a community that has certain assumptions and expectations and i've pivoted outside that community but i remain from that's the question right so essentially what the person is saying is i've discovered what's working for me and my relationship with the ribonucleolum however i'm being made to feel inferior i'm being made to feel judged by others because i trimmed or because i dress or because i do differently still from kawaiito i gotta share my diamond with a minion i keep allah you can eat my home so the issue here is not the person they're comfortable and they've found what's working for them the issue unfortunately are others and a world that says this shave it and this shave it only and you're moved to the character you're trying to live and draw from others we're going to sit in judgment of you we're going to marginalize you we're going to make you feel inferior and bad about yourself i don't think the problem in that question is with the one asking the question the problem is with the other people in their life who are making that feel that way i'll tell you something about our community again some would describe or define our community as a non-orthodox community and in some ways that's legitimate there are aspects of our community that are modern orthodox even though the fastest growing segment of our community would not be labeled from that world we have more shirum and more daffy yomi's and more minion and more learning and more i'm incredibly proud of what we have and what's going on and the world is moving towards us in shul and shabbos comfortable lakewood people who are buying places down here and there's an enormous diversity i say in our shul on a shabbos morning you have a guy in a strymon sitting next to someone who drove to shul that child this morning their first time in an orthodox show bully guzma that is not an exaggeration you can have that in our shul now you might have that in other communities the kiddush of our shul is that i would say by the end of davening but hopefully they're not talking during davening after davening they didn't just sit next to one another they've actually developed a relationship and a friendship shabbos morning on our show we have nine minyana nine minyanam we have a nate's minion and we have ashkama minion and we have a base madrish minion we have a nus fired minion a main minion a new saharim indian a teen minion an outreach minion nine minion shabbos morning at brs nine minion if you can't find a place you can feel comfortable by either you want something large you want something small you want something quick you want something slow you want they sing a lot you want they don't sing at all you want to sit up sit down kiddish or stand up kiddish no kiddish you want a khabur afterwards you want to sit down and have a tish afterwards whatever nusa that you want barak hashem we're trying to provide and we have and you know ever there are who moved exactly coach menachem your question i came from such and such a community i looked a certain way i didn't feel comfortable i didn't belong i wasn't comfortable in my own skin i didn't meet the standards and i i left part of it and i can't tell you many people in our community because the diversity and the respect that you don't have to fit in a box that there are different ways and paths and different entrances to be able to come close to kurdish because that judgment the the aura and the environment of judgment was lifted from them they are finally able to pursue torah not from a sense of guilt and not from a sense of pressure and not from a place of fear but part of their own journey of and are learning more and observing more than they ever were when they came from whatever community they moved from that the world might judge and say was a former community so i think that it's not only for those who are craving it such as myself and many others who've described that they feel comfortable they want to belong they want to live in that character but i think that when we claw israel the more we promote that there's a sense of diversity that there are different paths the shivan panama torah the more we make space and we make room within the framework the more we'll keep everyone within and the more narrow we make it and the more judgmental it is those who don't feel they fit and belong will simply dismiss throw off the yoke and run away and therefore i think we're doing not only ourselves a service but the future and the continuity of a total community a great service beautiful robin goldberg you're on hi hi i'm listening to you i've been joined your you know your your talk um i i get the sense that's geared toward people from birth now as a but i don't speak for all bali chuba but i do i sort of did have the problem that a little handicap that i'm i just have orphaned so to speak i don't i come from the missouri my family was very secular for i so it was important to me i mean i sort of did the shabbos gypsy thing in the show i explored different communities but i felt that it was important to have one or you know as much as i i work in the mainstream and everything and i enjoy seeing in all kinds of jews but i think that or wouldn't you say at least for a ball too and they should have a specific uh you community i said i'll tell you i joined i'm with khabad it's but not just because i i like hasidis i feel that at least it had a certain communal feel i think i mean would you recommend i mean i would just say that a baltimore would be more a specific community um you know you know you know schools there are plenty of schools around but one that really would give you a you know i guess a sense of roots or you know you know growth because again i don't have the advantage of a mesora you know those nieces to you know just fall back on in terms of you know learning different observances and you know i always admire the self-assurance of these people who grew up that way right now i appreciate it first of all it's a great question although you should probably turn this off and you should be watching the kennedy tonight if you're uh if you're in the kaban just joking if you're in chabad uh it's a great great question and i would say the following you're right she's open-minded she's open-minded hashem hashem i i would say this i would say that many bali chuva first of all have an advantage you don't also have necessarily the hang-ups about from kite uh that that those who are from from birth have you come maybe with a cleaner slate so there are disadvantages but there are also some advantages aside from the fact that that where you stand and what you've achieved and what you've accomplished by making this great step in your life is something that those who are born righteous can't ever compare or compete so kola kavod really tremendous tremendous thing but very often about shiva whoever was makari of them whatever excited them whatever turned them on however they found andre into the jewish people is the shay that they belong to so many belong to khabad many belong to ashatora or samaya mje nir la ella the list goes on and on that would ever shave it was the one that first inspired that's the shade that they belong to but i'll say here also this vision or this thesis of a sharacolo of exposing to the width and breadth of what i'm going to in a moment talk about as being hashembe a philosophy of bachol the synthesis of the total world of what's out there i think is critically important for balaycheva too we had in our community many years ago somebody who became religious became firm through they were a very high profile a very famous person because of certain accomplishment achievement in their life in their previous career and they hook line and sinker were inspired by i love everybody knows how much i love khabar we have a new sahara minion in our shul and i feel very connected very inspired i'm in awe of what does so this is not a criticism of khabad but is a place that's very narrow it's one shave it that is very very it's its way and this individual became from khabad and didn't touch his beard he grew his beard long to the floor and he went around speaking and inspiring and he was living the chabad life but you know what he skipped steps he was embracing some of the superficial parts of living and observing life without having filled in the gaps with total learning and with knowledge with other and he wasn't exposed that this isn't the only way that there are other practices of them and hugging other viewpoints of their ashkafas and you know what ended up happening when when because he skipped those steps and the foundation was so weak the building came crumbling down and for the time being we hope and we darwin that he'll come back for the time being he's no longer observant because his whole draw to from kite and his whole window into firmkai was so narrow as about shuva that when he woke up and realized why do i look like this and act like this and do these things i don't even know exactly why i'm doing it i don't remember making the decision to do it and i was just doing it because of the pressure to fill in and do it and i don't know that there's any other way to do it so if it's either that or nothing he returned to a life of nothing so i think even within the bali chuva world to expose and to inspire and to encourage and to promote that the shivan panama tower the 70 faces of torah these are not i i could quote again i don't know how much time we have i can quote countless makotos to you right now about the shivan panama torah and about illidan is not only the a lot of people like when you say something they give a text like oh why he's talking about about about this can you clarify that we're not talking about about any lakewood we're talking in general they're very sensitive they're hypersensitive they're shaving and they get very nervous let's clarify that and then move on because i want to i think people like they don't realize how sensitive they are 100 everybody's defensive everybody's defensive for their shades yeah 100 everybody's defensive and they should be we're proud and we're protective of our shaved and we should be and nobody should bad mouth or judge or feel uh superior to any particular shavit so as long as the shvatim are within the rubric under the umbrella they're part of the world of the ulama torah then nobody should be critical of of the other so i wasn't saying it as a criticism of khabar or of their methodology of kiriv my point is simply that for the baal shubha on the journey themselves i think it's healthy to be exposed to and to learn and even us within trying to be makarev as we're bringing people in expose them and teach them and show them the beautiful ulamatora not knowing what will speak to whom when so that maybe when one thing feels a little weak and it's no longer speaking something else will resonate and it will still go far so we have makotis they get they're countless makoros but there are makoros to this notion that there isn't one authoritative there isn't one correct there isn't one categorically uh imposed for all the shvatim one shaivet we have eleven the idea that these and those are the words of a living god applies not only to allah it applies to in some ways that applies even more in ashkafa the rambam is perishing in three places the third paragraph is the first paragraph and he writes it this is the sheet of the rambam it's not everybody agrees again there's a lot to discuss there are a lot of makos but the rambam in three places in paris mishnais the ramen several places says that when it comes to our dispute in allah i need to know in deneboler do i follow or do i follow with moshe i want to know in laws of brain death do i follow this post think of that posting i want to know in cash do i keep this standard of that standard when it comes to ultimately our observance of allah we need a post sake we need to be consistent within our sac to turn to a post sake sac applies to the world of but the rambam is clear that when it comes to the world of hashkafa when it comes to how i see the world how i experience the world when it comes to the totality of the rich beauty and tapestry and diversity of the total world the rambam writes when it's not tahlissa myself when it's not an actionable item and it's not upset in allah in practice but it's a question of my worldview then you don't say that one opinion we do not follow the rules of sakh when it comes to a level of we have options ironically i'll quote my rebbe it quotes his rebbe or shechter quotes from solavei and from the brisket that there's no such thing as hashikafa different so just like sac applies to allah it applies to so my own rebbe wouldn't necessarily say this or say this in this way but the point is the point is that when it comes to ashkaf you don't have to have a sock you're able to say you know there's a piece of cook that speaks to me but there's also a piece of the satin rabbit that speaks to me you call it you can understand there's a piece of what the rabbit says about this troll speaks to me there's a piece of it of course it's about the show that speaks to me and there's a piece of because in ash one doesn't have to lock themselves so you'll say i don't understand you'll say coach menachem looks like he's about to say it's a styrum and they obey what do you mean how could you all think of cooking the samurai how could you hold this ashkaffa and that ashkaffa simultaneously you're going to say on my wall in my office there's a beautiful jew who lives in boca raton and collects kiswayad he's got a thousand kiss vayad going back to bikinivega so for incredible original handwritten letters manuscripts amazing kiss veyard so this beautiful jew lent me from my office several doll easter all beautifully framed their picture and kiss veyard absolutely and beautiful they're in my office with letters original letters they've written kids they had framed so on my wall side by side i have the bachelorette side by side side by side i hope in the ulama emma's somehow that mahlokus hashem has figured itself out so how could it be i hold both of the rabbit and i turned to both of them for torah i learned both of their torah yeah how could it be it's a stereo bay how could it be how could it be i could live in the sharacolo when the two schwa when the two tribes and the two entrances are in conflict how do i deal with that so we're not the first to ask that question automatic student of hutner asked that question it's in pakistan page 184 atomizer asked this question and he said you know my secular career i'm leading a double life i learn torah but i also enjoy being exposed to madha hashem i see hashem's hand through rama writes us we come to know hashem through his creation chemistry biology physics i see the yad hashem so i'm leading a dual life i'm leading a double life i'm leading a duplicitous life i'm a fake i'm a phony i'm a fraud that's what the talmud said to rafner i'm either in the yeshiva or i might as well be a sheik it's a guy i'm in the world of secular knowledge how could i be in both surah futner answered him and he said someone who switches between living in a room in a hotel and a room in their house if you're living in your house you're living in a room in a hotel you're leading a double life which is your home is it your home or is it the hotel but a person who rents a house that has many rooms is leading one life if you synthesize them and you bring them together and the core and at the center is torah is hashem is authentic torah then you're leading a synthesized life you're leading a synthesized life so my my feeling in my shahara cola attitude and life in which on any given day i could be learning a piece of her schecter and a piece of the minecraft usher and a piece from the melech and a piece from vichamire and drawing from all over on any given day i could be learning in this basement and then going to that dish and then finishing at that fabrian that it's not leading a dual life it's not having multiple personality disorder it's synthesis it's integration we're weaving it into this rich tapestry of living in a character where these things are not contradicting and they're not in conflict with one another but they're synthesized together we have a bunch of live but i want to just jump in is what is when they do contradict each other when you have people that have to dive in before ski or people that dive in three hours after shia how do how does that connect so when i went to square for yantef so the first time i went i didn't realize that they were davoning chakras after this man way after this man so my misora from where i come from that's not acceptable so the next time i went i brought a minion of guys and with the rebbe's permission i found that afterwards i didn't ask it was one of those afterwards i found that he was okay and he told me it was okay so i i went into new square and i took what i could out of that experience of the vibrancy and the energy and the tish and the sidkas of the rebbe and the shirayam and the shallow shooters and the lights out and all that i didn't have in my world and didn't have growing up and didn't have in my yeshiva but it spoke to a very deep part of my neshama and still does today i wear a tish pakistan in my home and we have a shallow shed in our shul where we sing his moa david three times and he did nephesh and kaiaksov and the lights are out and then there's a sheeran morning akhabura in london these things are not a stereo they're not a contradiction to one another we can synthesize them we can integrate and we can live but we still have to stay true to who we are in the world of allah so the answer to your question is as much as i love the world of new square but my understanding i wasn't knocking khabad i'm not knocking new square my understanding of doesn't allow davening in those monum so i was still mocked but to dave and maisman while still being able to live and draw out from that beauty okay beautiful they have a lot of live questions um let's jump on them you're on yeah hi say hello you are muted cd obviously try again okay go i put him to sleep no he said anything maybe he's maybe mike is not working let's go [Music] yeah hi hi how are you thank you so much for having us and this is this has been amazing thank you so much robert goldberg my question is we're we're kind of experimenting with this question right now should one live in a community that he doesn't necessarily always agree with and feel comfortable with personally from a hashgraphic level what happens if this community is in a higher madriga that you would like your kids to get to the question is this a stira for the children because we're in a community that's a little bit more yeshivish for us but we know that from our perspective we want the kids to have just a higher level of learning that we feel affirm our children in this community but as a father i don't always necessarily feel like i fit in i don't always wear a jacket or hats and things like that but my kids i want them to have a higher level of what i had at the same time have some of the view that i took from my more let's say more modern community is this a stira is this a is this not a great message enough and are we playing with fire it's a great question first of all come move to boca raton but it's a great question and and i would tell you a few things number one i have to make a tenth minion though um would be our greatest pleasure um so i'll tell you a few things number one there's absolutely nothing wrong with an aspirational judaism there's nothing wrong with faking it till you make it of the life that you want for your children to be better than ourselves now it won't ever happen if we don't live it ourselves there is no greater instrument or tool or compass that is attuned to hypocrisy than a child children can call out hypocrisy faster than anyone or anything else in the world so if we're demanding of them but not living ourselves it's not going to work how do we teach our children the midst of talmud how do we teach our children so you say no technology and don't watch that nourish kite but they know that we see and that we watch and that we have it all shifted what are we doing in our home electric we go on vacation we're on a business trip do we take the ribosome with us that is the greatest classroom our children will ever have is what we provide we have to be sincere we have to be honest but at the same time we can be aspirational for them i had an uncle all of a sudden by eli lazar of liquid new jersey my uncle about lazar so he was a tremendous person after he was nifty after he passed away they collected the divrei torah that he said at family simchos a beautiful gift a beautiful contribution and now one of the muslim of one of his grandchildren he said a beautiful beautiful thought i've quoted it many times because it speaks very deeply to me he was such a such a special person and lost the classroom so he said you know we say the briss of a baby this beautiful inside there cotton yeah what does it mean the more i got them we're describing the sun the moon a reflection a baby right now is only a reflection of the parents they should become a source of light themselves countless beautiful divreitura godot he said something very simple he said don't read it don't read it may this small child one day become great he said read it [Music] may this child be greater than me because what happens in front you know we find that in the world of from kite many people most people i see this across the spectrum of the torah world they want their children to be exactly like them don't come five minutes later sure than i come shay gets but don't go five minutes earlier than i go what are you holier than now you should go to shul exactly the time i go learn exactly the amount that i learn follow the exact tashkakas in kashus that i follow many people want their children to be done out from me but khalil don't under from me be exactly where i am so he said what do is what's our bra bris what are we hoping for me here could there be anything greater in the world than a child surpassing a parent revival so he was once uh at a public forum and a parent got up and asked her luckily he said you know my child went to israel and goats of a front and my child came home and my child is questioning our kashus and i'm turning to you as one of those yeshiva who are inspiring these children flipping them out what can be done about it my own child came on is now doubting my i'm livid i'm upset i'm disappointed i'm frustrated how could it be so if luxem said i said you know i have a child who also went to a different yeshiva than i'm the rest of shiva of and went to a different derek and came home and had certain homers and cashews had certain questions in my kitchen and i want you to know i've never been prouder in my life that my son wants to be even more mahmir castrous we made whatever changes gladly and i couldn't be more proud of his son today the rashiva of torvadas it was good enough for have lachestein it can be good enough for us but our hope should be for our children to surpass us so it's a beautiful wish that you have and i give you a bra our children should be as inspired and more inspired but back to your question so is it hypocritical to live in that community here's the reality the reality is there's almost no perfect exact community that any of us are going to fit in entirely we're going to make concessions we're going to adapt we're going to be flexible we're going to have to supplement most people when it comes to the education of their children the yeshiva the seminary the school the musiako whatever you send your children to it's not exactly a perfect fit so some have to supplement more total learning some have to supplement more love of israel have to supplement more secular education academics most of us recognize that we're going to choose the one that's most aspirational and supplement on the side and i think if that's your attitude that says we're in a community that represents our aspiration i want my children to live this and to aspire for this it's not entirely me where i am now but it's where i hope to be and where i'm trying to be and i'm gonna supplement the parts that i believe in and i care about that aren't part of this community so that my children will graduate my home parents underestimate their influence the yeshiva the school's a big influence the community and friends are a big influence but ultimately children look a whole lot like what they saw at their shabbos table so when we supplement and when we complement and we emphasize what's important and what matters to us even with what else they're getting elsewhere we are rounding out the child as a whole beautiful beautiful okay let's go back is your mic working now i hope so do you hear me okay okay so as a parent of a few kids still figuring it out i occasionally bump into other kids around town who look just like my kids looked as they started that winding journey but i only have that one minute as like i passed by them to show them i love my compassion i understand things i smile but that kid might still walk away with his narrative everyone's judging me because they consider themselves judged regardless and i want to just take this opportunity to tell all those people who feel judged that maybe you're assuming the worst about the lifestyle that you left behind without sufficient evidence that we are all actually judging you thank you very much for taking this opportunity i echo that i think it's a fantastically important comment unfortunately a vocal minority might make people feel away but it's important for everyone to look in and recognize that that's the minority it's not the majority the majority from the totality of the beautiful total community are loving and warm and hopefully non-judgmental and unfortunately sometimes people have a bad experience from uh the yacht from the individual but i think it's a very very important comment that you made i'll tell you a great story of ravi levin it's one of my favorite stories at sadiq in our time that's sad that you shall negotiate everyone knows he was the rob of beautiful little uh neighborhood of little alleyways near makhanihudan it was the rav of the prisoners the rav of the etsa and the he was the rav of the lepers was the great sadiq of yerushalayim so there was a boy who grew up in nakhlot a very from boy a yerushami boy he grew up very religious and at some point he decided to take his yama coffee he decided to not be religious anymore so he avoided revilin for many months ravi levin would walk one way he went down a different alleyway whatever he did he always looked with a watchful eye to see if the topic was walking so he could avoid him and not have to run into him but one day lo and behold he turned the corner punk there was ravari levin there was nothing you could do to avoid it so ray levin the greatest alex said to this boy who he knew since his bar mitzvah he said tell me i haven't seen you in so long i can't help but feel that you're avoiding me have i done something to offend you have i done something to hurt you i'm so sorry how come i haven't seen you so the boy very sheepishly very shy looking down ashamed said rebbe to tell you the truth you've done nothing but i'm no longer the person i was when you knew me as a child i'm no longer wearing a yamaka and i was so afraid so embarrassed so shy so ashamed to run into you surviving said to him the following he said listen to me i'm a very short man i can only see what's in your heart i can't see what's on your head that's what vadi levin said did a viral video care about torah and mitzvos was very levine some open-minded modern pluralistic and violent if it was the sadiq of yerushalayim but it was good enough for a violent event that saddam to turn to this boy and make sure that even though he had walked away what do you think of the van yelled shaky gets he throw rocks at him did he tell him how could he no he said to this boy i'm a very short man i can't see what's on your head i can only see what's in your heart here's another interesting question that came in my husband is extremely close-minded he still lives in the 80s he doesn't get it that philip the final world has changed how do i explain to him that being open-minded is not a ghost i think being open-minded is not a gay issue thing well again you have to define what open-minded means you have to define what open-minded means every time you learn how you're open-minded no you only learn the mechaba you learn the best how do you define open-minded you only learn what does it mean open mind anything different okay so again our whole system of total learning is the journey of analyzing different views now there's a system that guides us towards a conclusion of those views when it comes to soccer when it comes to halacha but our whole experience of total learning is to see different views is to understand different viewpoints is we're going to end safe herbaceous with the shift daika we're not going to end with one definitive shavit you know every generation there was a yitzhak and there was the ishmael there was a yakov and there was an asap there was a yosef and there was a yuda yosef and his brothers in fact as a perisher says why didn't you say if when he's a mitzvah never contact his father yaakov he rises to the viceroy of egypt he could have contacted yaakov why didn't he so there's an understanding that suggests because all that yosef did is he looked he looked at his father he looked at his grandfather looked at his great finger and father he said every generation there was the chosen one and the rejected one i must be the rejected one i was thrown away so he didn't even bother reaching out of course that wasn't the case yosef was yosef and the reunion was was unbelievable but the schwarten the different schwartham represents the fact that we have these different viewpoints there's a beautiful inside of the emazlyakov river of kaminetsky i told you i have many many makoros and i'm happy to go there and to share many to share many more raviyakov kaminsky yakov he says the following he says and safe about midbar we have the golem we know the camp the tribes encamped around the mishkan and the midbar and they were to the north the south the east and the west which tribes were designated to go where and the tribes the the shvatim they weren't just arbitrary every shade that had a logo every shade that had an insignia every shade that had an identity every chevrolet had an individuality there were times in jewish history the schwartman's allowed to marry into one another the shvatim were separate they were distinct they were apart from one another so the question of yaakov asks is i don't understand in the midbrain you have the how come there wasn't tremendous period in claustro how come there wasn't enormous macho locus in class so how did they all get along how did they work it out he writes hello the moment we left midtown we left under separate logos separate flags several insignias separate yarmulkes separate schools so i don't understand how does it not create a sense of pirouetal of us had a different identity had different goals had a different aim so why didn't it divide why didn't it destroy why didn't it obliterate claudia so that we were all separate so listen to what he says he says you know why there was no division you know why there was no locus you know why there was no fallout because at the center of the encampment set the mishkan as long as the mishkan is the center of our diversity we have a tagline in our shul the tagline of our shul is valuing diversity celebrating unity how did we arrive at that tag line from the semester yank of review author our tagline i'll never know it now he knows it but he authored our tagline what does that mean valuing diversity you know we use that term diversity diversity it's a terrible term we tolerate diversity we tolerate diversity the word tolerates a terrible term you tolerate slow wi-fi and you tolerate a bad rash and you tolerate a delay on your amazon package you don't tolerate a fellow jew to tolerate diversity the sri dish has an essay he's writing to reform a conservative and he says stop tolerating me i want you to love me and i'll love you jews don't tolerate one another they love one another so we don't tolerate we value the diversity some people say i tolerate diversity there's someone on my block there's a kid in my kid's school there's somebody i know they're different i'm willing to tell we're very diverse but they tolerate the diversity we don't tolerate fellow yidden we love them we embrace them we see the best in them you don't so we value diversity the problem with diversity is diversity could lead to divisiveness diversity like the embassy anchor if yaakov says the separate tagalog separate logo separate insignias could lead to mahlokas it could lead to period it could lead to division so how does the diversity not lead to how does the diversity not lead to a division the answer is when you celebrate unity we don't celebrate uniformity uniformities everyone has to look the same vote the same be the same act the same dress the same we don't believe in uniformity we believe in unity you can only have unity when you have diversity if you don't have diversity you don't have unity you have uniformity so bianca writes that the schwa they were so you say how do i know i should be open-minded was yaakov avinu open-minded yours have open-minded you're open-minded we have twelve swat time i didn't make this up this is not new i didn't introduce this in our in our generation this is our history shivan panama torah and the shift take call and rehearse writes about the rainbow mcdubbell and the diversity of the colors one prison the ribosome comes through and he's refracted in separate rays of light and with yaakov writes the mishkan is at the center of this diversity we don't have to be afraid we don't have to be afraid i could learn a package i could learn the raven of cook i could also learn raviche meyer and i could learn a friedlander and i could learn all these worlds of marshava and then not a steer to one another if i live in one house with separate rooms if i live in separate buildings of hutner it's a syrah but if i live in one house with separate rooms i don't have to be afraid i'm richer for it i'm better for it i'm more inspired by it i'm closer to the bonus room as a result of it well watch what you tell her husband about being open-minded what should she tell her husband he does he doesn't want to hit us this is like it says okay so first of all why does she have to maybe she could be open-minded even if it's closed-minded why does she have to impose her open-mindedness on him why can't she have her pursuits while her kids oh so that's a practical question how do you navigate how do you negotiate the practical implication and application of choosing children but if you're telling me that there are things that speak to her that don't speak to him he's locked into a shape that he's comfortable there he's entitled to it too let me defend the husband for a second i was accused earlier of not defending husbands let me defend the husband for a second the husband married her and mistama there was a shotgun and mustama they got married on the terms that they're going to live a certain shave it she's changing the rules not him he says i'm locked into the shave it who are you now come you want to break down the barriers of our shavette you're joining goldberg sharacolo get back here we're in the shavit this is the terms of our marriage of the shavit so that's a shalom by shiloh and that needs to be navigated negotiated it needs to be discussed can she pursue broader interests can she have can she nourish her open mind in a way that won't compromise him and the shape it that he lives in she's not going to advocate that the children also need to read or watch or be exposed she's going to let the children be the children let the children live and shave it even while for herself and her own avodah she feels she wants to see more very got good okay um i have one more live but they're getting on the middle song on their different names because they're probably computer i want to ask this question it's a very very powerful question somebody just sent it in actually how do you teach children growing up in their in a community that branches of jewish world have something specially unique about them while we choose to live in in similar communities for certain spiritual invasions even look that look more modern may have certain strengths and specific areas that we don't so for example somebody lives in this thing we raise our children this little bubble but yeah where how do they know that that the idiom boca raton there's a rabbi goldberger it was a nice hush for year that has so many miles that we don't have vice versa so i here's i want to destroy your premise the premise of that question in my humble opinion i would say unless you're living in the most insular society and i would argue even there the premise is wrong but certainly if you're outside the most insular society the premise of the question is wrong we're not protecting our children and we're not insulated that's what i find to be kind of the joke of the whole conversation as if i'm saying or something radical the reality is flip through magazine magazine or even ahmadiyya flip through them and you'll see the countless jewish organizations and the diversity of the speakers that they're putting forth they began to promote the agoda convention you go to the aguda convention and the aguta convention is advocating exactly what i'm saying now they're doing it maybe a more narrow sense that i'm saying so for example they're not inviting enough shector they didn't invite rabbi lord jonathan sacks to speak at the agora convention maybe it's a more narrow sense but they have hasid them they have mistaken they have sparred him they have balabatham they have rabonan the good at convention itself is providing a cola for people so again maybe it's not as broad as i'm suggesting the character could be but the idea that anyone today and from tufts and bembez is locked in the idea that anybody is in such an insular insulated world in which all they have is they're ready they're not watching they're not listening they're not reading they're not going to the convention the conference of anybody else it's just not happening it's not happening part of what why we've arrived at this point part of why i feel this way is because of technology it has been a game changer it has changed the world in which we're living go on torah anytime forget why you torah go on torah anytime go on any of the plethora of torah websites that we are extraordinarily blessed to have in our time and go see the width and breadth of the diversity of the people speaking on those websites men and women you'll see the within breath so this is not me like everybody's really locked in they have one rebbe they read one newspaper one newsletter from their rebbe and no one sees anything else in the world and here i am with this radical idea open your mind and be exposed to other things you think you're not exposed to other things every time you turn on throughout corona especially it was the only way that we were connected and every organization had these multiple speakers my dear friend charlie and lari i love charlie harrari do you think charlie arary belongs to one world you think this speaker belongs to that one world you think this the ou has its convention as good as its convention and they are putting forth diverse personalities diverse speakers this what you do every sunday night and the diverse speakers that you present is exactly an expression and a manifestation of what i'm advocating for you're bringing on 500 600 400 b participants just live who knows by a month from now how many will have watched it after the fact you're bringing on a thousands of people and you are exposing them to diverse personalities you're taking a risk having a guy like me on you're exposing them to diverse personalities because my point is that fundamentally this is how we're all living already so if we're living it already why are we apologizing and why are we defensive and why are we ashamed and why are feeling guilty let's embrace it and let's harness it and let's channel it and let's protect it and let's make sure that we have strong boundaries for it but we're essentially doing it already we're doing it already so again i want to come back if you belong to a shavit and you're comfortable and happy there he should become an ashkenazi if a person belongs to a shavit in their world view and their personal practice in the missouri tradition live there enjoy it it's beautiful it's wonderful don't i'm not asking you to change all i'm saying is if you're like me and you don't belong to any one world and you don't want to be locked in a box and you recoil when someone says he's a modern orthodox rabbi no one's ever said this but he's a hasidish rabbi he's a lit for sure rabbi he's an ashkenazi rabbi you know in our show how connected i am to our spartan and how familiar i've become over the last 23 years let's find him and hug him in practices i'm a safari rabbi we have six daughters and we had one son our son is our seventh after our six daughters bar hashem when he was born we don't take it for granted we want to give a bracha to everybody who's longing and desperate and wants to have children we burna shalom should give you children and grandchildren it's an enormous broker no one should ever take it for granted when we had our son after six daughters it was unbelievable so because we lived the shahrukh khole every part of our community wanted to celebrate his birth according to their minhag so we had a british we had a shalom zakhar we had a we said shema the night before at the bruce we had all of them in hagem it was a beautiful thing it was a beautiful thing so again if a person is comfortable and to shave it live there but if you're not sure what shape that you're in or you feel that a piece of you belongs in different shavatim and you're integrating and incorporating it and you're in the shahrukh khole then join me then welcome then we're together there's room for us there's a world there's a community of us and we don't need to be apologetic or ashamed and i'll just end by saying i'm not ending the whole night i'm mending this little piece by saying why is this so important to me why is this so important to me because the world around us and the wrong influences in the wrong around us have a vested interest in keeping us apart they have a vested interest in keeping us apart some of the leadership and this i'll say cynically that some of the people who profit off of are having divisiveness the people who made a career and profit off of our having mahlokas between one another of keeping us separate and apart of trying to create an antagonism between us they have a vested interest in labeling us and putting us in a box and keeping us apart and making us separate but we don't have to let them win and we shouldn't let them win on our podcast i give a little shameless plug for behind the bema on our podcast we had ellie pelay the founder of mishbaka magazine and he spoke about part of the the shbaka magazine is to create social change that people did not know you know if you were part of one world you didn't read about godolm of another world you weren't exposed to the shiva and parliament of godless in torah and their social chain introduction opening people's mind that he has achieved and that he wanted to do and that he wanted to do so there are forces that are opposed and working against what i am advocating they want to keep us separate they want to keep us apart they want to keep us locked in they want to say you're a why you guy you're guy you're a lakewood guy you're they want us to be a part but we don't have to let them separate us we can transcend and rise above it and we can say i'm part of it all i sat in the different sheram and i learned the difference farm and i connect to it all unapologetically and with pride and i'm better and i'm richer for it i think this is the vision of ava mavino success in last week's passion so there was a certain world view the ebenezer says bako means he was born with usher the kavod allah that a person can have but that's not true because right after he was blessed with everything he goes to look for a wife for yitzhak so obviously didn't have everything so what does it mean that he had everything so there's a beautiful beautiful inside of what it means hashem bacon means that avraham had a panoramic perspective he saw the rabona shalom everywhere he wasn't threatened and he wasn't defensive and he wasn't scared for avon avinu there was a panoramic view of the world and he saw the reborn shalom and everything he discovered hashem he promoted hashem and he and he found hashem and everything it was with a sense of bakol he gave him a bracha to live a life in which he didn't have to isolate and we didn't have to lock in and he'd have to be in a box hashem gave him a bracha that hashem it was a panoramic view in which he saw the world and he saw the ribbon you know we say the world is filled so the simple means that hashem has opinion on the whole world but this foreign the world is filled with opportunities to make a kenyan hashem avraham had this perspective this panoramic view this ability this vision to see hashem everywhere but he didn't just have it he gave it to yitzchak who gave it to yaakov and that's what we say in our benching is that we longed for it so you see that there's a transmission of this sense of coal we have the capacity for a panoramic view of the world we have the capacity to put on glasses that see hashem everywhere to make a canyon of hashem all around us not only with this rebbe or the safer not only with the sanhagra this misora but all around us and we dive in and we long back on mikko ko we want that coal we want that panoramic view we don't want to see so myopically if you have a myopic view you you're missing so much all around you but if we have this panoramic view then you see hashem you see the richness of hashem i wish i could take my camera right now i'm at home and show you my my base measures my study at home the different forum that are here and the diversity of this forum that i hear this farm that i try to learn because i feel i'm only that much better because of it okay let's go to this live question you're on i can't hear you no this mic's not working no he's not yeah i'm here [Music] okay how was that much better okay thank you so much for taking my question i want to thank the hosts i want to thank um rabbi goldberg uh unbelievable words and um very very uh exciting and the delivery and answer of all your questions and thank thank the listeners as well uh for the opportunity to ask this question um my question has to do with um where we know or minak zutara so like akipa we know at one point in time it was a minute and we know stories where people were most are nefesh and literally gave up their lives in some cases to make sure that they were keep up their story after story um it's a practical question but i'm in between two uh two mountains which is often where i find myself i think that's like the the place of a yid right we went through you see us we went on yam so if we had over here we had over here we have a derek in the middle that we're trying to transverse to find the middle path so that's the spirit of my question here um i heard something you know the nephilim says that some people think there are there are there are kahilas that think that vegas and we know zunda malach that to heal him is he asked it that hillary is the vegas and the nephilim says says not like that that's not the icker's vegas right um there's another mysore that that happened to me i asked an altamira i was talking to an altamira once used yeshiva i once learned in and um he said that revolver used to go and learn um he used to go and learn caesarea by uh and i've based in i think in petak tikvah who was a hassida shaid and revolving went to go learn and and this ultra mirror went to go ask that he was very curious about hasidis and the derek of qasidis and he went to this base then and he asked him to teach him the derek of so when he answered him was like this um he asked him he asked him where's your father from where's your grandfather from lita where did he learn in the mirror and where did you learn in the mirror and he said so it's not for you it's not for you and he said but why i'm very very interested i'm open to this and he said you'll come out the other side a challenge with no time that's what he said to him now at the same time i was being invited to go to uman many many times and i just i was busy i never went but this same altamira said i asked him if there's a value to it for me maybe and he said i have to tell you there's something to hearing a maniac may rabbah in front of ten thousand people you know there's something special about that so he even he had this you know there was a duality there then then there's a myself with my shapiro that you know he had a daughter who passed away very very young and and with this i'll end my question and i heard from a big time of huffman yerushalayim the name of nathan weiss that rivamaisha was struggling with something he was struggling with how much to hit him was enough to save for his daughter who was terminally ill before it became little terror so that's a huge huge matrix i mean i get chills every time i i tell that story i certainly feel the same chills from the first time i heard it when halakhah and these things it's not so easy to pluck somebody out of their shave it you know there was a raven usually they told me to learn it was having some questions and we learned the kuzari together secretly and uh secretly we had to learn the kozari secretly and it was beautiful we developed a very very nice a very very nice relationship um i certainly had no intention of taking it i had no intention of making him into a clown you know a 13th gate yet or anything i respected where he came from and i respected his questions eye to eye what what happens when there's you know if a mini zootara how easy it is to sort of say you know this 13th gate is great and and it is great i hear the the godless coming from you really goldberg and i respect it tremendously uh it makes me want to come visit boca um but you know do you understand the question sort of in between these yeah let me let me rephrase the question first of all thank you so much josh for sharing the question and those stories and your farm in your background i'm trying to see what i can learn about that yeah i'm trying i'm trying to check it out i'm trying to check it out um you know it it's a complicated question you know revolver's grandson just moved to our community in boca i'll give a little flex little plug and you know i was talking to him about his grandfather he grew up very close to his grandfather ravel barasana was in the army and he welcomed him back to his yeshiva in his in his army clothing revolve himself was a very complex person and revolba's own background which we don't have to get into in terms of at one point revolve but discovered yiddish kite is in itself a fascinating history and the background arguably israel i don't think we're necessarily now against panama goddess we have different godol israel who functioned and conducted themselves differently in different ways as well but ghidoli israel are not afraid by this guidoli sorel had extraordinary relationships with one another the rav and rafner and the rebbe they were in berlin they were in university together and they they shared a relationship that went on a tremendous respect for one another our our our godolan were able to see the goddess of different worlds they were respectful they were respectful i think this needs to be said that even those who feel comfortable in their shave it and they're proud of their shavit and they're happy in their shave it should minimally make a respect for others to not criticize and condemn and put down to not feel that their shave it can only be correct if they knock others down you know in the parachute there are so many miracles there are four miracles that happen there are four ways that they're abortion and possibilities that motion are another leaders not kodak what do i need for okay it's enough the ground opened up and swallowed them up mama unparalleled unprecedented you had to knock a miracle miracle miracle do you know what the answer is there's two ways that you can be higher than someone either by knocking them down below you or by your rising up so until then the ground had opened up and they fell in now they took the staffs and they fl and they blossomed with flowers because to make sure that motion iron were not the leaders the default leaders because everyone else was knocked down they were the leaders because they blossomed above so some people in their shaved feel i can only feel pride and i'm only confident of my shavit if i criticize condemn and knock down all the other schweitem be happy with your shape without having to criticize any other make room for the other shwater love the other sweater respect the other shwater even if you're comfortable and even if you're happy in yours so you should come back to your question let me rephrase your question your question is an impressionable young man or woman who is yet to have any sense of holding an ashkafa satora who's just at the beginning they're going to be a challenge how will they make sense of him how will they know how to live who are they and where do they fit in how do they belong if from a very early age in an early stage they're already exposed to everything so if you're everything you're nothing to whom do you belong and what are you is that your question sort of okay so so he's muted but i think that's his question i'm still trying to figure out how to apply the zoom rules to real life she room how you can mute and unmute and knock out and put in the waiting room and chat if we could only incorporate these zoom rules to real life shirum what a beautiful world that would be anyway so yoshi i think the answer is that when i'm advocating the sharacolo i'm not necessarily advocating it at the earliest and most impressionable age i think a person does have to have a rebbe and does go to ishiva seminary and is in a certain path or track of life they have parents and they have grandparents and they have a community what i'm talking about is as we become more sophisticated and as we advance and as we begin to broaden our own horizons which is true in life in general the first and second grader has a much different more narrow understanding of life than the person who's further further along and further on than others so i'm not necessarily saying that we should do this at the earliest stage in the earliest there's a piece of me that by the way wants to create a movement of yeshivas in elementary schools and kulalim of sharacolo who are the yidden who are stark and frumkaite banayaliya you're a shamayim torah but who belong to the character there's a piece of me that wants to create a whole movement but then i wake up and the reality of me sets in which is not necessarily that early not necessarily that stage i'm not advocating it first thing a little bit later on to be able to get there to be able to do it after i wrote this article called i'm not a modern orthodox rabbi some people were very unhappy with me uh but after i wrote this article i learned of a community somewhere else that started a thursday night they get together diverse chevra and they have diverse limu and they're trying to be exposed to and to learn and to embrace some of the things that they never knew before you know what it's like you know it's an amazing amazing insight there was a talmud of the who who writes that what's the navi anticipating hashem so he writes he's describing our time where you have hundreds of thousands of shirum online and you have countless sort of in every language there's there's endless amount that can nourish us and yet we're thirsty for divre hashem something that speaks to arnashama something that speaks to who we are and that wakes us up and that makes us come alive we're looking for it and when we find it we don't have to feel bad about it as long as again it's within the legitimate boundaries of the ulamatora we don't have to feel bad about it we don't feel bad about it so i think that we'd have to be apologetic and again there's no if you're gonna shave it there's no obligation to go there is an obligation to be respectful of the other shorthand there's no obligation to trade vatim you don't have to necessarily remain in your shaver you can belong to a shavit but vacation another shot see and be exposed to but for those who say i'm not in any shavet i live in the characolo that's where i'm happy that's where i live then come join me i see a few people have asked where we can learn together so it'd be my greatest honor if you learned together with me online there's a website rabbi from goldberg.org you can find everything there or on youtube dot com slash rabbi from goldberg or on waitora or i write a lot for aish and uh occasionally in mishpoch and other places but it would be my greatest greatest honor in the world if you join me and we learn together i give a parashat class every tuesday [Music] i'm very humbled it has a very nice following but what's the feedback i always get why people enjoy it because in any given particular sheer on any given parish this year you never know who you're going to get that week we go through the parasha and there could be there's a caduceus levy and then there's a piece from sullivan and then there's a griz and then there is a vichamir then there's a maral grayer then there's a semes and then there's a this hasidus and then there's a little lumdus and then there's and the whole parsha is a journey of the sharacolo it's that all these different worlds have something to say about parsha they're all using the same pasha in order to communicate in order to inspire in order to be relevant in order to be part of this world so i i just it's such a beautiful place it's a beautiful place not everybody has to come but for those who want to be there we should be comfortable unapologetic and we should know that we're not alone that's the main thing the reason i wrote that article and the feedback i got is that sometimes it feels very lonely it feels very lonely there's this clever and there's that shave it and there's this movement and there's this sheet and there's that world and if i feel comfortable in lots of places and if i'm drawing from many places it could feel very very lonely you're not alone and don't feel lonely there's a seaboard there's a community of people who feel like you are goldberg murdoch let's go now to the closing parts closing i thought we're just getting started i know i know you know but uh i have other shout out calls take care of also um coming in front of the bema tonight and bringing it out to the oil and it's been amazing i appreciate it and uh i think i think we really i think that i think we had actually covered the nokuto tonight like you know i think adam got it i think it was a successful like what we wanted to bring out i think was uh a little bit properly i really appreciate it again forever goldman coming on tonight giving them physics inspiration again i think before you speak give anybody you know again the information if you want to give an email address anybody contact you or your website igowaldik tonight share again i'm going to be learning this a very special couple that i know well who have not been blessed with children of their own i'm again i'm reaching out it's a random weird request to our broad audience and see if anybody could help with the adoption process for this amazing couple please email me at coachmen any information and anything you can be involved with look forward to this amazing couple the social media for them rather global give them a brother i give them a broker they and all those who long for children to have children to get knackers from the children they should get every type of nachas we should all have nachas from children but they should be karaoke morocco should answer call me show us libernatova and it should go smoothly and well we should celebrate and share only maine and they said that the child who wears triangle down head up head white socks doesn't make a difference they just want a beautiful child and at any time next week i'm going to be starting this year at 9 30 to try out for a few weeks just to move it back a little bit so we can have more time some people don't have to go sleep so late again if anybody wants to sign up to what's up uh statuses that we can send at the flyer week so they can let other people know about it and inspire people please text me and what's at me at 848-525-0066 and save the number your phone again every sunday night at 9 30 p.m the share will be um and we have amazing people next week we have adam lieberman who's a world famous sales person businessman he speaks for forbes large companies he's spoke at many companies actually one of his conferences and he's going to be discussing a topic that's relevant to anybody it's called we we want it we need it we have it for the people that want it for the people that need it and for the people that already have it the challenges and opportunities that come with money and product we're going to discuss in both angles um so please tell everybody to join tonight everything's reportedly on from barefoot.com when he has any questions please reach out to coachmen from gmail.com tonight share 78 and it's going to be recorded it'll be uploaded on our personal phone line at 848 777 grow grow it's eight four eight seven seven seven grow again i wanna thank all the advertising sponsors lakewood scoop robin and to kyla kaufman and schmuel song from jcn let's go to closing words coach menachem followed by referee you every goldberg it's really uh eye opener for many um but i just want to and i just want to put out that piece that's um some people sent in that there is a fear and it could be hard for many it's much easier to belong one place and uh it does take more thinking and trying to figure out where you are and you have to be ready for it and like ravi goldberg mentioned at a young age you might it might not be good eye to start eventually you get older you want to see you know what works to me what does hashem want from me and i guess the age depends and everybody everybody's different so you have to see if you're solid where you are and if you're ready to open that box and uh let in some fresh air and see what's going on which which we see anyways but yes a lot of people need that sense of belonging and knowing that this is where i am and i don't have to think they're not ready to think so much sometimes it could be a a journey and i've i've met many people who once it's not the way they grew up they have to go through it's it's a challenge and that's part of growth to see you know what does work what doesn't work and he's trying out and then there's ups and downs which you don't like you want to stay in your back stay in your comfort zone so yes it is a challenge but that's growth and that's might be what hashem wants him and the last thing is that whenever you go out you know you go out the door kiss the mezuzah before you try anything new where you're going to look anywhere try something new say it's vilita shem this is something that i'm working to get closer to you and help me to find the place where i can connect something that talks to me and the journey shouldn't be so hard so wherever it is and whoever you are phil is always needed so thank you very much and mr chairman would be able to take this information to grow and get closer to hashem amen so i'll just say in closing for echo everything that coach monaco just said and and i understand the attraction of staying in the box i understand the the appeal it's comfortable it's convenient it's familiar you can trust yourself other people know exactly who you are if you stay in the box and if you're comfortable in the box it's beautiful live there live there happily and live there comfortably but the reality of the world we're living in is that boxes are corroding they're falling apart around us even the people who want to live in the box to a certain degree can't because we are exposed to we're invited to we have opportunities to learn to see and i think that if we're in charge and controlling it if we're filtering it and channeling it if we are promoting it then we could do a much better job of being kosher of yoshi than if the box just disintegrates and people find themselves in unfamiliar circumstances so the degree to which that we can share and promote the ulamatora the shahrukh khole the in panama torah the that we can respect one another and we can love one another and we can make room for one another and that even if we're proud and comfortable we are we recognize that there are other paths and there are other opportunities and one is not superior or inferior to another to the best we can learn from it and if even if we don't learn from it minimally we can respect it and in the end all of it will make us much richer for it it'll be a much more beautiful world if a person feels connected to amer then kulam sadiq as long as you're part of amer so we should be zoha to value our diversity and to celebrate unity with a sense of that comes everybody knows the everybody knows the poem about mashiach you know the mashiach which hat he keeps coming to a different place he's wearing the wrong hat by the end he gives up and he says they're not ready for me yet so i'll tell you whenever ellie mansoor spoken or sure once he said again i'm self-promoting but too bad you invited me on so i'm going to promote our community in closing everyone's invited you're welcome to come bro said he said you know i think mashiach is going to come through here first on his way he said and i'll tell you why he said because you know when you have a parent let's say you have a lot of children this child doesn't talk to this child this child doesn't get along with that child the child will never host this child that child doesn't get along with that child but then you have a child one of your children who has all of their siblings this is the child where they're all comfortable coming to this is the child where they have the reunion nap because they're all okay being there that's where the parent wants to be most where does the parent want to be if not among the child where all the children could feel comfortable so he said comes he's going to come through this school because all the children have a place and all the children can feel comfortable there's a place for everyone here nobody's being locked out so we should value our diversity celebrate our unity in the right time we should open our minds not too early and not with the wrong reasons in a way that we can celebrate the sense of actus in order ultimately become shamayim to get close to the ribbon of shalom in order ultimately to live the amitabh torah and amit hashem to be able to celebrate the mayor of maine for coming on beautiful see everybody next sunday night november 7th uh 9 30. looking forward let's get real coach monachem and we're changing the name to let's get real with coach menachem good night