Behaaloscha - Earning the Free Gift

you're listening to the weekly partial podcast recorded with hashem's never ending assistance in R Israel 2015 this week's paraa is par and I'd like to share with you I found a most amazing piece we've been speaking a lot over the last few weeks since pesak already we've been speaking about the idea this contrast between the two different modes of serving Hashem person can serve Hashem in a mode of mhia Y of earning that which Hashem wants to give us once Hashem wants to give us God wants to give us the good in reality he wants to give us a relationship with him God wants us to earn that so we feel like we have been part of this relationship what we're what we're getting thear the reward as it were or the relationship with God but on the other hand we spoke about the aspect of mhia B David the Messiah from David whose idea is that he doesn't deserve it and the receiving this this reward or this relationship with hasem in order to prop ly and deeply receive it so there needs to be an even deeper reality a deeper uh concept of or understanding of the fact that I don't deserve it it's not possible for me to actually earn the good that God wants to give me so this Su idea that we were speaking about I was very excited to come across a piece in freedlander in this week's Parish where he discusses this idea at length and he's really M he really gives us the the a precise prise defining way a proper way of the the approach how do we balance these two different ideas of trying to earn that good that God wants to give us so that we feel like it's something that we didn't just get as a you know we're not just taking a free ride that how do we balance that with the fact that we realize that of course what Hashem wants to give us we can never really earn it's just much greater than anything that we can possibly earn so what's the proper balance between that he gives us a good explanation of that but I'd like to go through the piece the way he sets it up and really see this idea asander brings it down so the first thing that he does is he brings down the med the med speaks about the beginning of the par it has hasem gives a command to Aron to Aaron the high priest there's an obligation for him to light the manura light the candal Abra inside of the Mishka on the Tabernacle and the question the obvious question that me comes to address is God doesn't need light God is the one who created the concept of light he created The Luminaries he created the Sun and the Moon why is it that God wants us to light a manora to light this candle labra inside of the Tabernacle God doesn't need our light as it were so what's the understanding of it so he quotes a says like this it says this is what it means in the verse it says in Psalm 1 139 the darkness is not dark for you God nighttime is just like day as far as light goes there's no difference between light and dark it's all the same for you God and to us God is saying that we should light his candles for him the meas says what is this comparable to what can we draw an analogy to to a King that had a beloved Friend the King says I want you to know that I'm coming for a meal at your house I would like you to honor me with a meal go and get it ready for me so his good friend went and he prepared for him a seat a regular seat regular chair a regular candle lobber to light up the house in a regular table when the king came so he had all of his servants who came along with him they came into the house they knew the King was coming and they set up these candalas which were golden Calas beautiful candalas now when this beloved friend of the king saw all of this honor his he became embarrassed hit has called he hid away all of the things that he had previously prepared which were just regular things which were regular candle Loba regular chairs Etc so the king comes into his house and he says didn't I say to you that I'm coming to you for a meal why didn't you set up anything for me he walks in the house there's nothing prepared so his beloved friend says to him he said I saw all of the honor that your servants are doing for you as you come in that you know it's accompanying you I was embarrassed and I hid away all the things that I prepared for you because they were just plain old things the king says to his friend I promise I'm not interested in any of the things that I brought because of my love for you I'm not going to use anything except for your things I want specifically says the king to use your the things that you prepared that's what I care about the same way says the mes God is completely he's all light as the verse says in Daniel chapter chapter 2 that light dwells by him by God and God says to the Jewish people I want you to prepare a manur a candra and candles God says the Jewish people make for me a tabernacle and I will dwell there tahor God says to the Jewish people I want you to make for me a golden candal Abra pure gold once they made it the divine presence came what is it say there that Moses could not come into the Tabernacle because of the fact that the the divine presence was there very similar to when the king comes in and and all of that honor comes in so the his friend was embarrassed he wanted to take away all of the things that he had done mosha couldn't come in immediately God calls out to Moses then Moses can come in and then he hears the voice of God speaking and what was the command that God gave bring up bring up these candles put light these candles for me now what's amazing here if we look at the magish and this is what the is coming to explain you look at the magish and he say you know Hashem requested of Aaron to light the manur to to do this the king in the mall and the analogy says to his friend his beloved friend I want you to prepare for me a meal obviously that means that the king is interested in this meal no matter what the the friend is going to do and when Hashem says to MOS I want you to come in I want you to instruct the Jewish people to create this michan this Tabernacle obviously God wants what we're doing And yet when the king comes in and all the and you know in analogy when the king comes in with all of his M all of his servants Etc so his friend steps back and says I can't possibly do what's good enough there's an embarrassment that goes on even in theem is saying you know I want you to light these candles for me and we're saying I'm going to light candles for you God you're you're the one who creates light your essence is light everything about you is light and you want me to bring light to you is there strange it's very odd it doesn't seem appropriate and there's an embarrassment and that very embarrassment the fact that I feel like I can't possibly give to God all that he wants from me can't possibly you know what can I do to earn God's grace so to speak that itself that busha that embarrassment that Anova that humility is what gives me the chance to walk in and indeed serve God he brings a few different places where we see this idea one place where we see it is with Aron a himself Aaron the priest you know the Torah tells us earlier in nth chapter of Leviticus chap verse 7 the verse says God instructed iron to come close to the to the altar to bring the corbon bring the sacrifices Rashi explains that why did Hashem have to say Come Close well is this bringing close the answer is that Aon was embarrassed he was embarrassed he was afraid to come he felt like he was unworthy felt like who am I to serve God who am I to bring these corbon these sacrifices on the Altar and mosha says Moses says why are you embarrassed this is why you were chosen and quotes that who explains this is the reason why Moses said to him come close why are you embarrassed this is why you were chosen what's the explanation here you have this attribute of of humility and embarrassment that's why that's why you were chosen more than any other person to be the priest to be the one who's going to step up and serve God serve the Jewish people create that connection between God and the Jewish people we see this in a few different placesand brings it again from the fact that we we say we say this beautiful PR Praise of God we say you know on one hand we say that if our mouths were filled with praise like the Seas we go on and on and saying it would be impossible for us to possibly give you the Praises Hashem God that you deserve it's impossible for us to praise but after that we say Alain therefore these limbs that you placed upon us the Living spirit that you blew into us they will thank and they will bless and they will praise they're going to do all of these Praises give all these praises to you our God our King says it's because we admit that we're embarrassed that we can't possibly be able to praise you that's what gives us a right to then go and praise God to go on and on about the Praises of God because when we realize that we can't possibly praise God completely then all of a sudden paradoxically we have the ability to praise God this is an idea that we see also in the daily prayers in the prayer so there's a statement there who are we what is our life what is the value of the kindness that we do what is our righteousness really truthfully it's not so significant sometimes the things that we do we think it's great but when we compare it with the greatness of Hashem we're not so great our kindness is very very limited's kindness is infinite we continue we say but nevertheless we are your nation we are the ones that you made a covenant with and that's why we're obligated to thank you and to praise you and and bless you and make you holy and give honor and thanks to your name so again we see over here that the moment that we're able to step back and acknowledge the fact that we can't praise that we don't have the ability to praise that we're not worthy of praising all of a sudden there's something that changes now we are able to praise now at this point in the piece frander comes to the question which we need to understand and this is really foundational really important to understand how we align a certain Paradox how we deal with a contradiction because we see the ram says that there's an idea which we spoken about of which means that God wants us to earn the reward that he wants to give us as we said earlier why is it because the human being the nature sure the human being is that I don't want to receive the bread of shame I don't want to receive something that I haven't earned it's uncomfortable not only is it uncomfortable it's it's it's something that if if hasm is going to give me this good and I feel like I haven't earned it so it's not not going to be a complete good so God wants us to have the ability to be the the ones who have created the the possibility for us to receive his good which is why we're in this world and why we have we have free choice so that we can choose the good and thereby earn it in a certain sense and be able to receive it and when we receive it we feel like we're receiving something that's ours we don't feel like we're receiving something that's a free gift which is a handout so now when I do the mitz when I use my use my free choice now I'm receiving something which I've earned but there's a new problem that's created with this while it's true that now I'm going to feel like I've earned this thing and I'll feel good about receiving it from God as it were at the same time when a person feels like this iser says it's very much in line with what we've been speaking about when a person feels like this is something that's mine that you know what happens is the ego comes in this is mine and now I'm separated when I'm talking about mine if I'm in a relationship with somebody and I'm talking about hey this is something that I deserve give me the thing that I deserve I'm no longer con connected to the other person I've lost that connection I created a boundary of separation between myself and the person that I'm dealing with so with Hashem as well if I feel like this is something that I deserve so it Separates Me From God so Freelander explains that there's a delicate balance and there's a way of dealing with the Paradox and he says it and I'd like to read it inside because the language is just beautiful the truth is that the explanation of this is that all of this has to do with the the work that's involved in our and our free choice from one perspective God wants to give good a complete good to the person through the fact that God gave us the possibility of choosing that we between good and evil and by doing so when we receive that good when we receive that relationship with Hashem it's not going to be something that we're embarrassed about we will have earned it but from the other side from the other perspective person needs to serve hem with complete self nullification that he doesn't really deserve anything even the fact that he has an opportunity that he has an ability to do a mitah to choose between good and God good and bad is only because of God it's only because God gave him that opportunity God gave him that choice even though he has that choice he doesn't do anything on his own and the service that work towards coming close to God is through the recognition that even this possibility of serving God by choosing between good and evil that very thing that he that wants him to serve him so that he doesn't and he gets to choose is so that he doesn't have that embarrassment even that itself is a gift from God from the from the attribute of God's kindness as long as he feels his own existence he he feels his own ego he feels like he's the one choosing it indeed he is separated from God but through that thing through that aspect by recognizing that the very Choice itself is something that God gave him as a gift by being embarrassed and saying like but like a how can I walk in here how can I walk into this Temple how can I serve God through that recognition that it's it's God that gave us the opportunity to serve him gave us the choice gave us the ability to choose finding that balance yes I'm choosing yes I'm earning it and that very Choice itself is something that God gives me and I couldn't do on my own it's called KO completely from God that balance that is spotless that recognition is the the the fine balance is what a person needs to find in his service of God we find therefore the work that's involved in free choice besides for including the fact that I need to choose good the main service of God is one of negation to diminish our ego and to nullify ourselves in in regards to God and according to how much we do that we will come to enjoy the goodness of God the light that God wants to shine upon us and enjoy the shine of his of his divine presence and in this aspect of nullifying ourselves in front of God so once we've done that so we have gotten around the problem of this this bread of shame because nullifying ourselves and recognizing this aspect recognizing that no I don't deserve it I'm embarrassed I'm ped embarr I'm so uh how can I possibly receive what God wants to give me when I have that awareness that I don't deserve it so then I have come across the ability to receive something that I don't deserve indeed I've entered into that space of mhia bid that we' spoken about so that's the beautiful balance that fine balance that we need to find in our service of God yes we need to serve God we need to choose what's good hasem wants us to feel like we've earned it and at the same time hasm wants us to recognize that we can't possibly earn it and the Very recognition that we can't earn it is something which gives us the ability to receive the great good that God wants to bestow upon us i' like to bless you and please bless me back hasm should help us indeed to find this balance to serve hashm to choose the good and to recognize that the very choosing that we have is only because it's only possible because Hashem has given us this gift of choice thank you so much for listening have a beautiful shabas this podcast was made possible through the gracious donations of listeners like you for more podcasts like this please visit www.wag.com or search on iTunes Ari goldwag [Music]