Basics of Emunah #22: "I Hate Davening" by Rabbi YY Jacobson

the yeshiva dotnet [Music] tonight and next week is going to be a two-part series entitled quote endquote I hate davon Eng and that is a direct quote from more than one person I'm not gonna give a number of how many people I tried to compress it all tonight but I saw that it'll be wiser to disperse it at least over two weeks so let me begin with an anecdote I'm Alyssa this is a humorous anecdote there were two Jews Berkowitz and Rabinowitz who were friends and business partners and Berkowitz calls up Rabinowitz one day and he says we haven't been out in a while this Saturday morning 8:30 p.m. we're going to play golf Berkowitz tells Rabinowitz no way change it to Sunday 8:00 in the morning not Saturday he says why what's the problem we always went golfing Saturday morning he says Saturday morning I go to short I go to synagogue he says you you never stepped foot into a show besides the fact you're an atheist when you were a child you are communist you have nothing to do with religion you don't believe in any religion and any God in Judaism what are you telling me Bubba mices that Shabbos morning you're going to show so Berkowitz says he says you only knew me till Goldstein came to town that's when I never went to shul on Shabbos but once Goldstein came to town everything changed you remember Goldstein he came from Russia he didn't have two dimes today they say that he's worth six billion dollars I asked him what changed Goldstein and he tells me I started to go to shul Shabbos morning I speak to God and that's where all my six comes from and since that day I go to shul also Shabbos morning he says Goldstein I had Goldstein again you're a real atheist what in the world are you doing in shul shop this morning you're telling me that you go down and you go prayer I don't believe you so no no you misunderstood me Goldstein goes to shul to Darvin I go to shul to talk the Gold's thing dear rabbi Jacobsen I'm sure you're aware of how instead of devoting being the most awesome and meaningful experience it's the most boring and agonizing experience for thousands and thousands of children teenagers adults and even senior citizens I can easily speak for myself most of the time darvany is at best a chore that I must fulfill at worst a very negative and always a monotonous and boring and meaningless experience I am a teacher in a school I am a Rebbe in a good school I'm going to be honest with you I try my hardest to have my students Darvin as little as I can get away with without the parents getting angry at me that their sons are not davin enough I'll tell you why I try always to be honest with my students and I don't feel comfortable encouraging them to do something that I have such difficulty with I feel that if we dive in long I am motivating an unhealthy exercise that will damage their relationship with God forever and their chances of really experiencing what Dominic I suppose was meant and supposed to be I can't cancel it out I don't want to I can't even make it short because the parents and the principal will be on my head but I really make it as short as possible I write to you a blessing may God bless you with the knowledge and insight to guide us Jews parents teachers teenagers children adults to have a healthy meaningful vibrant joyous experience when Dominic and maybe you can even tell us how to practically implement it unless you don't know yourself in my humble opinion this is definitely one of the most critical issues that need to be addressed I am also involved in Kirov and I personally know many who have told me how much prayer was a turning point in demonstrating to them the meaninglessness of Judaism maybe you could start by telling me why in the world do we davon what is its purpose and why does God have to hear from hundreds and thousands of millions of people hallelujah twenty times praise and more and more and more usually husbands who need so many complements need a lot of therapy why is it that the master of the world wants me to praise him again and again and again non-stop I hope you can address it this was a letter that came in the email to a muna at the yeshiva dotnet and everybody's welcome to send in their questions here's another one I don't feel a strong connection by doing anything by rote I feel it would be so much more meaningful if prayer wasn't institutionalized let's get real take a look around in shul what percentage of people show any real connection it's shockingly low there are those who behave there are those who misbehave but do you see real passion by people do you see a meaningful experience do you see any real connection I'm sure there is some reward for it anyway but it's really not motivating me for the record I have a philosophy I don't practice what I preach I'm one of them no interest to me maybe you can address it another letter a third letter I'm going to be blunt with you since sometimes I think you're closed-minded but sometimes I think you're open-minded thank you for the compliment tell my mother-in-law she thinks okay whatever but at least sometimes I'm open-minded so that's good or bad I'm going to be blunt with you I really despise prayer I despise Dominic from childhood for me Sheol is one big negative experience it is so so boring I haven't come to show for many many years it simply means nothing to me I'm one of the Jews they call JFK just for kiddush but I don't need people asking me questions I stay away I have a problem now I'm a father as long as my kids were babies it wasn't an issue now they're growing up they want to go to show my wife wants me to take them to show I want to do the right thing but as I walk into the synagogue that brings up so many memories that really make me so disengaged and disinterested anyway I can solve this I'm going to read one more letter don't you think it would have been much wiser rabbi Jacob said if the sages would have said Darvin what is in your heart speak to God from your own place tell them your thoughts and share with them your emotions why this fixed text that is unchangeable and not once a day three times a day there are people praying for decades every day the same exact words how can any normal human being find excitement and passion in this in a positive way I know there are some people who are OCD and probably it works for them but I'm a DHD what am i what am I supposed to do many letters of this vein and similar different styles different questions were received some of them I'm gonna go through later but I want to begin addressing these questions and I do have to say it's always difficult for me to think what am I supposed to say in one class even in two classes but all long journeys begin with steps we can begin to take the necessary steps why do we Darvin why do we pray what is its purpose what's the point of it whenever you have such a question when it comes to Judaism we always have to look into the Rambam the Rambam rabbi no moisture Ben Maimon also known as Maimonides I translate everything silly at least many things for those who don't understand Hebrew a Yiddish lived in the 12th century 1100 in Spain and in Morocco and in Egypt and he is considered the great system Iser codify and organizer of Judaism and therefore always one looks at the Rambam to get a definition not just a law a definition or Hedorah as it's called so you open up Rambam hillcrist philip a writ all of the laws of domine and the Rambam begins and he says mitzvos our sail is Paulo bakkali it is a biblical positive tyre commandment to Darvin every single day the source is a positive Arvada time as hashem allocation and mesh bottom you should serve God how do you serve God Asia he avoid the lava debacle of Africa we say in Sh'ma as a avoiders I believe zoo - Fela the only service in the heart is darvany and the Rambam says this is a biblical commandment every day but there's no number how many times one thousands there's no text of what person Davin's there's no time for when a person Davin's the biblical mitzvah of davin inc can last for 35 seconds or 35 minutes or four hours there's no text there's no time day and night there's no number of trees Ella what is it he of MIT's mizuka who the obligation of the Mitzvah of Dominic is this theorem says che other misspelled illumise canon bakkali i'm a person should pray miss Paulo will soon see what that means miss Pablo we translate pray even though it's not a real translation but it's the English general translation miss Polly a person should Davin or Muskaan and plead but call you him every day oh my gosh my fleshly Kurdish borrow who and other communicate the praises of God the aqua capsules ruptured sorry Istanbul focaccia between afterwards he or she requests the needs that this person needs the after talk and then nice and smash by Doyle Arsham a lot I wish be a live person expresses gratitude for all the goodness that he or she received him life call a significantly every person does the above according to her or his individual capacity as he goes on one person Davin's once a day one person diamonds many times a day one person does it for a long time one person does it for a few moments this is how it went from moisture Rubino till Azra moisture obey no of course is the one who gave the Jewish people the Turner and all the mitzvahs including the Mitzvah of nominee until Asura who is one of the builders and architects of the second base HaMikdash who lives approximately one millennium after moisha Rubino because my shrub a new takes the jewish people out of egypt their 40 years in the desert they come into the land of israel after 480 years they build a base on McNish it stands for four hundred and ten years it's destroyed after 70 years of Exile ezra takes them back up from Babylonia to resettle the holy land that this is approximately one thousand years that Fela has absolutely no structure no text no time no background no style no mignon no men youngnam Noga Boehm imagine no rabbis no sermons and then the Rambam says in the beginning of by his Shanee as the jews come back from exile the group known as an Shaykh Nessus a gorilla the men of the great assembly create a structure of Dominique known as Shmona sra 18 parts of the davin inc first three the last three and the middle 12 and then they added a thirteenth so from 18 it became 19 they also established a number of prayers chakras a minister and a and a my roof as the Rambam continues at length so this is the Rambam is always very hollow ik practical definition of Fila with his brief history with a description of who's obligated when you're obligated etc I'm going to take these words of the Rambam and try to dissect them a little bit especially in a camor contemporary language that could speak to many of our minds and many of our hearts and speak about both dimensions their emblem spoke about he spoke about praise he spoke about needs and he spoke about gratitude three aspects of their arm spoke about and I think the best way to convey it is by talking about one particular person who'd aven't who prayed and this is not just a prayer a dominant but the Gomorrah says in Broca's I think it's tough lammeter lama Dolloff that come a hostess Erebus some of the most important laws of how we davon we derived from this prayer of a woman named Hannah in the book of Shmuel Shmuel Alif tells the story of Hannah's prayer it's said in the haftorah of Rosh Hashanah and from this description the Gemara says we derive many of our laws of prayer the story is well known I'm going to focus on one detail Ronna didn't have children this perturbed her deeply her husband Elkanah was a fine man a great man a noble man but the fact that she didn't have children did not give her any rest even though Alcona said halite I even a cheater blackness are abundant a relationship with me should be so valuable and precious but for kana not having a child was uniquely painful and one year they come to the Michigan of Shilla to the sanctuary of Shilla which was the center of the divine presence at the time before there was a base of McNish and Hama goes into davin and the Kohen Gadol the high priest is watching her Davin and the posix says where is it small Aleph I think you'd gimel prosecute gimble by a severe a Lila Shakira her lips are moving he doesn't hear her voice he looks at her and he considers her a drunk unenumerated intoxicated Shakira drunk first and he addresses her he says to her these words are the most cited a current post acute Dalit Samuel 114 how long will you remain drunk a serious Yannick my lawyers it's time to remove your wine from yourself or as somebody would say go to a a it's time for recovery lady alcoholism is not a way to live Hannah responds and she says Loya diny my master you're wrong ayan vishay her voice ICICI I did not drink wine or alcohol Gia me shock shock on ia Iowa I'm a woman who was broken the s Bertha snap she laughs - am i came to pour out my soul before God and when Ailee hears this he blesses her and tell her that her prayer is fulfilled and God should give her a child which indeed occurs the next year Shmuel Young's baby small is born I asked you a question if you see somebody standing at an Aron Kodesh not at a Michigan I'm crazy - holy our control darvany whispering quietly you can't hear their voice you accuse them of being a drunk forget a kind of a regular person you see a woman praying pouring her heart out and he asks her why she's drinking you would expect from a high priest the minimal ability to discern the minimal sensitivity to distinguish between somebody who smashed forgive me to somebody who's praying and the moment she says I'm not drunk what do most alcoholics tell you when you accuse them of being drunk what do they tell you me I could walk straight right when they walk straight and they fall from one part of this city to the other part of the city I can even drive then you get a call from the police all drunks tell you I'm not drunk I don't drink you have the problem I don't have the problem drunk people are drunk so what she says I'm not drunk he's oh okay God give you a child fine you really believed he's drunk or not and remember the coin God was considered the the greatest spiritual or one of the greatest spiritual Giants of the time how can a Lea make such an error make such a mistake this and I'm basing the explanation on an insight by the Sam cipher Moshe cipher was the rabbi of Pressburg in the austria-hungarian empire today Bratislava in Slovakia passed away in 1839 known as the sum cipher and he gives an insight that I'm going to elaborate on when Ailee looked at kana Dominic he saw something unique he saw a person who on one hand was wounded she was full of pain but when he looked at her he also saw a person that was full of joy he saw a person that was sad and he saw a person that was happy he saw a person that felt very dejected but he saw a person who felt embraced he saw a person in the abyss and he saw a person in heaven now when do you see such people when people are drunk one moment they'll tell you I love you I love you my best friend a moment later smack I hate you that's what drunk people do constantly if you have a little experience they'll explain to them how you are they'll explain to you how you are the devil incarnate and then how you're a saint you're their brother and you're their foe they'll kiss you and they'll beat you but cut demócrata I'm talking about people who are really nowhere to get smashed or don't know how to get smashed when a Lee sees these inconsistencies in China he says what are you taking you're not sober that's not how you build a life I know you have misery I know you have sorrow but drinking is not the way to deal with it lady you got to figure out how to live life and sobriety not in denial they say there was once a Jew who liked to drink so you would go to the bar and each night he would order two glasses of Crown Royal why two one for himself is it one he had a friend he used to drink with and the friend died so he goes every night to continue drinking TLAs Asian ish mas in memory of the friend to carry on the friendship one for himself one for his friend after 30 years he comes into the bar and he orders one glass of alcohol so the bartender says what's this he says I quit drinking so denial is not only a river in Egypt it's part of people's lives you have to wake up over there in the back and he's telling her that's not how you deal with you sorrow I told you once an alcoholic told me we drink to drown our sorrow little do we know that sorrow floats this was a Lee's message such transition such a metamorphosis such drastic contrast you see in a shaker in a drunk so Hana who understood what le was say says Loya dining I get you but I'll explain to you who I am ishaak Sha Tsui Akana I'm a woman who has a heavy spirit there's something that really bothers me there's something that perturbs me and that's why you see a sadness you see pain in my eyes you see a void and you see a yearning that exists in me which causes me very often to weep to sob and to cry but there's another part of me the s5s nafsi Live Nation as I come here I pour my soul out before God I am NOT a person who feels like a victim alone in the world a neighbor case lost in a huge planet where nobody can really care about anybody else and you just have to make the best of your life no that's not my experience of life I feel like I have a best friend to talk to I can pour my soul out before God who listens to me and listens to me attentively so kana is saying I'm a scarred person I'm a person who has pain but when you look at Hana a lessee stateliness he sees dignity he sees majesty why Thomas says because I feel that there's someone as eclipsed Tazz he may be who actually cares about what I have to say somebody who stops everything and says Han Allah or if Collaros are Allah yank Allah tell me what you have to say when I speak the world stops as he says I want to know what is your experience what is going this is other some safe explains Connors response and I believe what is that this insight is of course there's one basic element of prey or where a person asks for what they need every individual has needs sometimes superficial ones sometimes deep ones sometimes the needs change sometimes they don't and as their emblem says you ask for your needs from the Creator and the conductor of the universe and sometimes and everybody knows this in their personal life and I've heard it from others preyere works in a very tangible and concrete and real way but not always not for all people and not in all situations and not all the time and I should say something there's a mistake that people make that sometimes you dive in it has no effect it always has an effect the question is when we're to whom and at what level I find sometimes it's difficult for children they're saying to hilum for a man who's ready that did the family already the doctor signed off but they're saying till them in all the schools 20 minutes later the person passed away children have often asked me every few weeks he's saying tell them for somebody else and it doesn't work sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't work what does that do for them every filler works a soul exists in this world a soul exists in the next world and every time we pray it has an effect and an impact sometimes in a concrete way and sometimes in very subtle and profound ways but there's no such a thing from a Jewish perspective a prayer that goes unnoticed unheeded and unresponded - when a person Davin's for somebody it has a tremendous tremendous impact the question is where what when how and at what level because life is extremely multi-dimensional multi complex I just wanted to mention that so what kana is saying is Fela we translate as prayer requests really the word means something else and the mission and Kalin does an expression a toy fill clay Harris aligning connecting tying together putting together because prayer is not only pleading begging asking it also means connecting linking aligning the primary mission of prayer is to connect to allow yourself to know and feel that you're not alone in a brutal world that the world is not death to your cries to your dilemmas to your pain to your trauma to your needs to your experiences big or small we live in a world where it seems the world is death and some philosophies were just random errors random genetic mutations but with some good or bad luck ended up here some fifteen point three billion years after the Big Bang Stephen Hawking died this this this week some of you are familiar well with his various ideas the basic essence of prayer is to know that you're connected the world is not death to your cries and dilemmas you have an ally you have a best friend who conceived you in love who wants to see you live the most awesome powerful and successful life who craves for your success who craves for your goodness and wants a personal relationship with you I am NOT alone in this world maybe Joshua but the Esprit has naturally lifts nation it hub made them answer Aidan as they say in Yiddish its cook Shamir was the Prime Minister of Israel and he was a tough man a survivor of the Holocaust lost most of his family and bush the father was pressuring Israel very very heavily in the early 90s George Bush President Bush the father and and the joke was going that when Bush came to Israel and he went to the Western Wall so somewhere took him and he said this is the western wall with Jews prayed the divine presence is here and now people's requests are fulfilled and people put in notes and so on and so forth so Bush prays and he puts in a note and then he tells Samir and he says and now let's pray to God that Israel and the Arabs agreed to concessions he says now you're talking to a wall you gotta know are you talking to a wall you're talking to a presence once it's home doctor torski said he learned dava Ning at the clay so what he was there and he's standing and he's now any minute amirev saying to he'll demand there's a Jew near him and the Jew is talking in a manner in Hebrew and he starts saying so I went to the dentist he's at the wall I went to the dentist and the dentist took an x-ray and he started to tell me oh I told us to yesterday let's continue with today I was once in a blue month live in a building in Brooklyn on New York Avenue so I went out to get the mail they have the mailboxes so there was an african-american holy brother standing by the elevator and talking talking this is before the days of the cell phone so when somebody stood an elevator and spoke you assume that they talk to themselves was once a Jew came to a rabbi and he says there everybody need help he says what's the help he says I speak to myself I talk to myself the rabbi says I'll tell you a secret when you hit 60 that's what you do I do the same thing she's a rabbi but I am a nudnik so he's standing by the elevator and it's too late for you what's the problem over there he's standing by the elevator and a tete-a-tete so first I thought there's an issue I took a look I saw he was a plumber and I was curious because I saw in his face he seemed very sane and normal and I had an office day on the fourth floor so I was going to the elevator and I go over to me say you mind if I ask you a question my dear holy brother says no so who were you talking to so you standing at the elevator and talking he said I'll tell you whenever have a few minutes the middle of the day I talked to God I tell them what was what I was up to and I tell them what I'm up to I give him a report I asked him to be with me and he says rabbi you do it it's a good thing to do that's number one but there's something else and when I say there's something else this is not to negate the need to internalize this experience because this knowledge this conviction that exists in the person who daven's that I have a best friend in the world who wants to know what is happening in my life and wants to be there to hug me and listen and if you realize God is better than a therapist cause he never interrupts you a middle of talking not like a spouse or a friend always as aces god never gives 8 sis you realized that then it never happened to you in middle of darvany God says where were we to have an opinion and lost there Hakan and shine it whatever you want to say he's quiet he answers you when he wanted when he wants to answer you how he answers God answers in his own way but it doesn't interrupt you have to learn from that how to listen to somebody they tell an anecdote that Pavarotti was once doing a rendition an opera rendition of Psalm chapter 23 you remember what that is mismo Ella Dovid Hashem ROI a liason the Lord is my shepherd I shall not want a beautiful Pavarotti rendition as he concludes he gets a standing ovation for a few moments afterwards and Alta he'd an old Jew says do you mind if I do my rendition of Psalm 23 I have my own he says go ahead and the Jew begins reciting tehilim chapter 23 the Lord is my shepherd there's only one problem he can carry a tune to save his life he doesn't know the Avery doesn't know the words but his emotions are there his heart is inside of words his soul is present and as he starts saying the psalm people start crying he finishes Pavarotti says I have a question I did that song impeccably immaculately and yet nobody cried I got an applause you get up you say it a tune you can't hold your voice is horrible it's horrific even against Innes you can't even carry the words you don't have Dixie and run of grammar why is everybody crying my psalm was much more superior to yours and he says mr. Pavarotti you may know the sum but I know the shepherd that makes all the difference the intimacy the personal relationship but let's go to the next step and the next step I feel even bad to go away from this step because I think people really need to understand it and feel it and hear it but let's move on I'll rely on your intelligence as the POSIX s10 we'll call him the F come 810 Lachey Tavella yakimite that's my posse another Davin or another person who'd Avant was everybody knows Yakov Aveeno goes to sleep at night parshas y8 save a you forgot about ma-kun bio and xiaomi gives us my river the gift of my roof he goes to sleep he has a dream the ladder on earth touching heaven he wakes up and what are his first words oka hashem by maka Meserve on Ophelia dotty God is here and I did not know so the commentators asked von euch eloia dotty grammatically is problematic in english it would be saying for noisy lawyer dotty and I I did not know it's good for a poem but for a sentence it's problematic either you save our noisy law ADA or viloria dotty did not know in Hebrew save her lawyer ducky I did not know if are noisy lawyer Dottie is redundant it's okay for Russian var noisy and I lawyer Dottie I did not know so the pun of my office dibala flora princess a lady is Hurwitz student of the magnet of Miss rich says what Yaakov was saying is were nicely lawyer Dottie I did not know noisy okay a sham bamako Maas a God is here what did it cause of are noisy lawyer Dottie I did not know there are noisy I did not know the I in the Silence of the eye one can experience the true meaning of Prayer Voronoi see the eye lawyer Dottie became silent for a few moments what does this mean what this means is very briefly is in every person's life there are two dimensions there's one part of me that is filled with fears insecurities and a whole host of difficult emotions you may have jealousy anger frustration resentment dread a sense of competitiveness of hatred or difficult various emotions that we have in life each person according to their nature and their nurture and we sometimes live our lives based on all of these challenges and problems there's another dimension of a person and this dimension of a person is your deeper core which is essentially a part of a scythe it's a conduit for the infinite light of God and therefore it is essentially infinite it's invincible it's sacred it's wholesome it's optimistic it's confident it's powerful it's happy in the works of Kabbalah Musa cinders it's known as the nefesh on the kiss and the nefesh obamas we can operate on a level a beastly level of consciousness or operate on a divine transcendental level of consciousness and both are very very real in our life what happens in Davin E in a real Davin is one person walks in to Dominic and out of the door emerges a new person what do I mean by a new person I don't mean a new person physically a new person new person means Dominic is the opportunity for this human being to align himself or herself with your true self to be able to see yourself not as a limited finite wounded bruised insecure fearful psychological but to be able to discover and align yourself with your divine core which is really the core of all of existence I come to the hallelu cos what do we do in all those Psalms before Dominic before you get to your needs there's the high do and this baroque Sean - look at the Zimmer or if you do work summer before you do smart Ashkenaz it's really irrelevant to our discussion here you discuss ashtray and this hallelu cane that I look and this praise at that praise and so on and so forth essentially if you look at it all what you're learning and you're trying to meditate on and to discover is you talk about snow I know you sin shall I cut summer you talk about ice MasterCard refitted you talk about age Viraj shel Akita restaura the weather fire hail storms winds Harlem voice mounds mountains h3 fruit trees higher Col Bahama animals mammals birds it's really a study of the world what are you talking about you're identifying the cosmos as a reflection of divine energy and what that helps you do is it helps you synchronize yourself with your own core of the vine energy so that the real experience of Dominic is a very very profound journey from the outer self into the inner self now really if you know the Zarya and the works of thy reason the works of the ballot Anja and others they discuss how Dominic is a journey through worlds Tilburg Shammar you climb the world number one consciousness number one I see you action from Berkshire Martelli estaba you climb into world number two called serie another level of consciousness your selves asylum Krishna you go into Bria schmeyer astral you reach that sill is the fourth state of consciousness and then the rest of domine you come down now we really need Bezier someone of our dreams to do a five or ten week series on the journey of davenic but here I'm just trying to give you an outline of sketch that in domine I allow myself to lose the sense of I the insecure little ego that separates me from the world separates me from myself separates me from infinity separates me from truth and puts me into a little bubble okayyeah schember maka massa I can sense my oneness with infinity because unlike eloia Dottie because the I I did not know for a few minutes I lost my sense of self-consciousness I don't have to protect myself I don't have to win every argument I'm not afraid to say I'm sorry the person who emerges from dominating is a much more confident husband wife father mother successful person wholesome person simply on a psychological level in the Silence of the eye I get to meet the thou in the Silence of the eye I get to meet infinity I get to be in touched with my own truth that is Dominic that's a mental emotional and spiritual exercise so darling is the time when I can align myself with my own essence when I discover the idealism the purity within me it's a daily battle for transcendence and transcendence my friends is a daily battle it's very easy to surrender in this battle but da Vernon is the daily battle of transcendence what the great Jewish philosophers mystics would call hog Boris at surah al-hajj Homer to see your body in the context of your soul to see the unity the holistic unity of your life it's an opportunity for the Vegas for intimacy for one as it allows me to flex my spiritual muscles spirituality is a muscle you use it or you lose it like all muscles if you don't use it you lose it it empowers my soul to soar to the heavens and beyond and I want to focus for a moment on the word the davin how do we say to Darvin lay his spell now pal L means judging davon Inc you judge yourself your introspective you look at your insecurities you look at your fears you look at your wounds and you don't allow that to take over your life but it also means something else and I'm going to focus for a moment on the grammar of Russian Kaddish if I want to dress my child how do I say that anybody here I'm dressing my child Annie mal bish @il actually yet la hal bish true what about if I want to dress myself to get dressed myself what do I say Leahy sluggish or in the heat la beche la psyche or la Hasek is to give you a job if I myself I'm occupying myself and something I say the heat a sake so what doesn't Lee his spell mean his spell is talking about who it's reflexive it's about me Lee his slaw beige I'm getting dressed Lee his spell ale is about my experience what's dis experience so the word pal el we haven't parshas about your fear very moving yakov is about to soon going to pass away and he meets his beloved son Joseph and what does he say really funny huh life alati I never feel ot to see your face and now I see your children too Wow what does feel all t mean anybody what they saying hey do you remember you were expelled for that session because he didn't have a nicely Roy phonetically feel all T new translate Rashi says Loy mala ami libel action I didn't even have the guts to think about it we would say I never imagined that life eloped II I never anticipated it I never imagined it I never even thought it as a possibility life heal all t it didn't even rise up into my mind what's this Paul L to imagine who should imagine me me what should I imagine what should I look to what what am i imagining another word cousin we love Khazana right you know about that cousin in New Jersey was a concentration Shana and he came home and he's not making kid that his wife says why you making my making sure she's Sean it's 3 o'clock he says I fast on Rosh Hashanah does you fast you've been eating for 70 years you're not shy if the fast he says this recession I'm fast she's just come on I know you Yankel tell me the truth no you can't lie to your wife he's I'll tell you the truth I finished nominee the president of the show comes over to me I'm in Neuville and he tells me that's a davon Inc that's a Dominic that sounded like the Angel of Death this show you're never coming back again and where wife always knows how to build a confidence of her husband so she says a president who is he what does he know he's just repeating what the rest of the show says so there's a hazard what's the word for house and everybody will say Cantor what's the real root of the word cousin Kazan what's cosine a vision it has do with lease Paulo what's this vision that I'm talking about Tadamon is really to cultivate the muscle of visionary thinking to align your vision with God's vision Hashem wants every person to suck the marrow out of life to live the most powerful awesome blessed happy and extraordinary life the problem is I can't imagine that for me I look at myself and I say Who am I to be happy Who am I to be powerful Who am I to be successful Who am I to be gorgeous Who am I to be wholesome who I might have a good marriage Who am I to be to be whole to be a wholesome person Who am I to be fearless Who am I to have an impact the his spell Jakob said I could never meet my son again can you yourself align your vision for your life with the divine vision after Conan lorem das Jimena Miniver das whether it's physical emotional social whether it's health or livelihood or serenity or wisdom or happiness or your relationship with your children or a redemption or peace in the world or peace in your heart or peace in your home the hiss pol ale here again I become a conduit for God's vision for my life I don't want to remain limited in my own small miniature finite and sometimes very very small vision of what life can be and you know who leads their prayers prayers you need somebody who was a cousin he has a vision that's why Ashley a sipper is important what type of vision does he have we stand and we say Hashem saw site if Tahu fiag Attila you opened my mouth what do you mean you open my mouth suddenly God opens you money I need you to open my lips let my mouth communicate your praise your energy let my mouth become a conduit for your vision let our two visions become aligned and this is all in the words of the Rambam you express praise you express your needs and you express gratitude so in summation I would say more than anything else what I would call darling is simply an opportunity it's not a punishment it's not a penalty it's not an exercise in seeing how fast people can get a negative feeling towards Judaism more than anything else it's an opportunity it's an invitation and let's face it I'm not always ready for invitations I'm not always ready for opportunities sometimes I'm tired I'm depressed I'm exhausted I'm not in the mood I have a headache I'm gonna hire Abul mood I'm having issues too many texts too many finance and I sometimes I ignore the opportunity because to focus on an opportunity takes discipline it takes maturity it takes work but it's an opportunity it's the opportunity where God says allow me to be your best friend allow me to be your best ally allow me to hug you and allow yourself to be hugged by me keyattr shyeah feliz culpa we say in the oven this infinite God says I want to hear what you have to say that's why Hana could be wounded and yet full of serenity she could be broken and whole at the same time frailer Anza broken she has real needs and real yearnings and she may not understand everything about her life but she's never hopeless there's somebody that she can cry to she could speak to she could pour her heart out too and she could become one with which brings me to the next question of our dear friend why the same text every day a little creativity why not have a sigh in every show Zog was the whilst say what you want instead of Dover a lemon a honey with over a lemon miss Safeway and this guy goes into a depression this guy starts texting this guy gets into an argument this guy's already done and the truth is biblical Dominique didn't have a structure for a thousand years how the Jews davon however they wanted you could get up sit on your couch stand in your kitchen or whatever they had then go out to your field in your farm and speak to God for 29 seconds and say Roberta shallow them this is what's on my heart now tell me what's on yours and you'll tell to me throughout the day a structure was created and the text was created as we know and I should say as the generations grow or developed the text only became bigger and bigger I dread to think what our great-grandchildren are gonna have to deal with especially in an era when people love adding every stringency in the world but what is the meaning of this it's really a wonderful question I'm going to address three points and I'm going to do this briefly number one a lot of people don't know part of the law of dava Ning is that the middle of Schwinn astra you can add as much as you want and express all of your experiences and feelings and emotions according to halakha intial Canora and every single blessing you can add as much as you want connect it to the context of that blessing and in the blessing of smackle a know you could talk about anything there are people who are middle of smokey Lane who take a break and for 10 minutes they talk to God they could talk to him in Hebrew and he dish in English and God is a multi linguist he understands Russian and even Mandarin Japanese Portuguese and Italian and some say even Yiddish so in schmuck relay no you could talk about whatever you want you could talk about a dentist appointment you talk about a doctor appointment talk about your therapy appointment you could talk about your issues with dieting you could talk about your issues with your mother with your sister with brother with your Shalom bias with your teenage kids with your own addictions with your own spouse issues or whatever else there is in the world going on in your life that's number one number two and people should take advantage number two and this is already a little D on a deeper level the aunt Sheikh Nasser saga doula which was a group of 120 great sages who rebuilt Chloe's role after the horrible destruction of the first temple among them was Ezra Nehemia Mordechai Haggai skaara Malathi the last one the Mishna says was who shimon hatzadik hiya miss eureka Sigonella the opening of Pirkei avos ethics of the fathers he was the last survivor of this tremendous group of hundred and twenty they were the ones just for history purposes who instituted most of the sacred texts of judaism today what do i mean by that is all the blessings that we have I should say not all most of the blessings that we have I'll be your comments Loni act villain burger creates how might seal a seminar is barry priya Govan breakfast of enjoyment breakfast of mitzvahs the text of darvany of shui nasara these are their institutions so we're dealing with an institution that dates back approximately 2500 years these were some of the greatest Giants of Jewish history in the words of Dominick of Shui nasara they compressed infinite layers of meaning that address themselves to all of the needs of Jews collectively individually and all of their most deep profound and authentic needs and that's why it's so important the text and I'll explain to you what I mean think about your own life I'll tell you her memory I have I was teaching in a yeshiva once and a 17 year old boy who was in my class phoned me one night at home it was late at night there was 11 or 12 I said why aren't you sleeping and he says I have to open up about something as we say in tehilim we say it in the morning and daven Inc Malka yards would call home I'm sorry Mahal chef they are 'it's by hurrying the Gambas so ice skating him him in the yard well he took that pasta literally and he got very involved with somebody 17 years old my simple colleague art and he couldn't get his mind off it and I asked him what do you want he says all I want is I want to run away from the world with this person I want to go to New Zealand or to Mount Everest and live the rest of my life on the mountain and I don't know what to do I can't think about anything else now if this person would be told by the halacha when you dive in just talk about yourself what you need what do you think his need at that moment was nothing one thing that this point is bus poisonous should be ready to run away to New Zealand that's his meat now when I'm on the phone I was smiling why was i smiling cuz I knew that in six months they're gonna hate each other they're gonna want to kill each other but I couldn't tell that to him now because that's not where he was I had to listen to hours I had to listen about how he found Messiah he found this machine okay that's what he is what did you dive into God personally when you were 15 what did you dive in for when you were 11 what did you diver for when you were 19 when you were 23 when you were 27 and how relevant were those requests a year later two years later 20 years ago what was the most burning issue in your life what did you dive in for and you even remember that today we're mortal we're transient people were people of flesh and blood one day I have a crush here and one day I have a crush there one day I'm obsessed with this one day I'm obsessed with this one day I have this type of vision another type of vision one day I want to be the President of the United States of America one day I want to be the thousand of my Shore one day the person wants the Bandag wants to be divorced wants to be an entrepreneur wants to be a schnorrer wants to be an Aboriginal coal burner a gorilla wants to be an amorous that's what people are so you could delve in and you should havin you speak to God about who you are today that's fine but dominating is really a challenge to be able to open yourself up to needs that are real they're authentic and therefore they're timeless and eternal they're not gonna change in five years they're not gonna change in ten years they're not gonna change in thirty years they're not gonna change in forty years it's a challenge for me to grow it's a challenge for me never to become completely narcissistic self-centered but to open myself up to the full gamut of what life has to offer which ultimately from my violin to play every one of those chords has to be play and I can't I can't cut off my cords one of my cords I was listening massage one of a few nights ago there was a therapist who was giving a session on a telephone conference about betrayal betrayal and he said a very fascinating statistic he was speaking about men or husbands or wives who betray their spouses going to somebody else and he's an expert in this because he deals with it constantly on a daily basis and he shoots something very powerful and that was the the statistics the research shows that around 7% of people who betray their spouse and then get divorced only 7% of them get married and though who do 90% get divorced so they left their family for their mushiya and it never it usually doesn't end in success why is that the answer is because when two people connect in a marriage they're not just connected on some romantic level somebody got to do laundry somebody got a cook somebody got to maintain our house somebody got to raise kids this shabbos injunctive him thickest commits and pacer this is buying shoes and sit cysts and the stress of tuition there's high schools and miss if this and you see miss and then shadow him now who has time for romance between Dickus comments be your comments more acharya can show the knoweth who has time to think and every moment is another bill on the table this for wands distant and then this jealous mamas people already enough of paying for self - you got of self - yeah when he betrays his spouse and he has this extra curricular activity let's put it that way three percent of his life connects with three percent of her life and those are the three percent of the life that's perfect they don't have to talk about kids they don't got to talk about seventeen year old teenagers enough to talk about the Sharia coming for pacer freshmen oh let's lock all they can talk about is some milk shake that they'll pick up in Teaneck and look at the milk shake and melt in ecstasy there's no more monsters to it there's no substance and then when things come out and you get used to this person he come to real life plots it was a balloon it pops people don't realize that's the gift of the text of governing the text of davon ink doesn't say don't say your own prayer say what you want schmuck Alain to talk about whatever you want your seventeen year old and all you want is to get into this camp and you want this girl to be your friend because that's the click and base Yakko that you want to be popular with even though you need this click via caucus they need you much more than you need them and trust me not getting into that camp is probably the greatest bless think that will ever happen to you but this is where you're at talk to God and say this is what I want that maybe you're lucky God will say no if you're lucky if not he'll say yeah you have to be careful because sometimes prayers get fulfilled but darling doesn't let you stay stuck it really don t necessarily put in all of life they put in the infinity of life at the final autumn - as a timeless need Hoshi vanu is a timeless need refrain who is a timeless need I was once a tile at a big Hobart on a big lecture so I was speaking about Dominique so somebody raised their hand and said what's this racism it's - I said where's the racism ish - er they say ROI faith highly I'm worried for a new wash and veneer of a Hallyu who refers them home a crease a new heal us take give us recovery give us recovery why not all ill people should have recovery so I said your your question you'll see is it logical cuz what's the conclusion of the blessing ROI faith highlight Alma is strong he heals the sick of the Jewish people Judaism believes that God doesn't heal the sick of the Gentiles who heals them of course God so what are we what it was this mama shop it curses and kaffir ready for hell on me so I said I'll explain to you what it means it was a little humor as I said Jews have a unique situation and if you're a Gentile you should be happy that you're not mentioned in this blessing and that is Jews and Alamo crank Jews always have bodily issues right I never met a Jew in my life and I said how you feeling and he looked at me and he said perfect rabbi why I like perfect always my back my back I don't know what's going on my back and it's probably emotional dr. Sarna my stomach my neck my feet I can digest I can't walk I think I need a wheelchair yesterday almost died I'm about to have a stroke I'm having a heart attack I'm in the middle of a heart attack I have migraines as can--it's roughened it's too hot it's too cold that she is not comfortable so we're saying a broker if for a newish M Binet Rafi for Jews who are always complaining god help them ready for them if you're a girl you should be happy you're not in this blessing you could just walk tall slim confident and healthy if you have a flat tire you get down and you jack up the car and you fix the flat tire instead of calling her Veda miss him me show you it in the somnium Azam him and every Kadisha because you have a flat tire and nobody ever taught you they allow to get out of your car and stop eating a shwarma rap with a black and white and Diet Pepsi when you're driving driving is not made for meals tables are made for meals driving the maid to drive and to fix flat tires any Gentile will tell that to you so this is a special broker for a noir M Binet ruff a la ficelle M is wrong tomorrow when you're saying refrain oh if you start laughing they got the gap I may throw you out of show I just want to add one more dimension and that is how many any pianist sir how many keys does a piano have a t-888 Mozart or Beethoven or Mendelssohn did not have to invent new keys for the piano they took the same 88 keys of the pianos that we have in our homes and yet when I sit down at the piano I'm like da da da da da da da dum dum dum da da da da da and then when a Mozart sat down at the piano symphonies were created it's never about adding a new key the present keys lend themselves to infinite compositions creativity should not be blamed on external circumstances artists and creative people see creativity everywhere because of the doors of perception are cleansed everything appears as is infinite and when we rely on external structures to change everyday for creativity its inauthentic creativity the text of Davin Inc lend themselves to infinite compositions for those who have the willingness and the mental eagerness to be able to study them to be able to focus on them next question that was asked why everyday why three times a day this is what drives people crazy chakras minica my earth and I also addressed it and again I'm going to address it briefly there is a fascinating Madras that is quoted in the introduction to a neo Kiev which is the compilation of stories of gomorrah created by rabbeinu yaku have been covered in the sixteenth in the fifteenth and sixteenth century it's also quoted by the mahara in his safer in the sea voice coil um the morale of Prague it's a very strange Madras the Midrash asks what is the most fundamental posture Cantera if you have to summarize Judaism what is the most basic verse not what is the most significant paucity Rambam says on earth hiroshima la caja and a hoist lightened Timna have the same holiness but in terms of summarizing the philosophy of judaism men as I says but selam aleykum assess our them that's the most central posture the human being was created in the image of God Ben Zoma says shamash relish am elokenu hashem echad banana says the half dollar erika commercial man was created in God's image man and woman God is one love your neighbour like yourself Ben posi says you know which posit Pasha's Pintrest s hoc Evis are at catharsis of a boy can they say Kevin's attended a seminar boil or for a lamb in the morning and a lamb in the evening am I on my drabby or a glove there ever stood up on his feet and he said how long had you been palsy now look is like been palsy a lamb in the morning a lamb in the afternoon I asked you a question God is one love your fellow like yourself a person is in the image of our chef revolutionary ideas to sacrifice a lamb in the morning and a lamb in the afternoon maybe not to wear shaatnez don't wear wool and linen don't eat cheeseburgers on Yom Kippur and that's the halacha the most important pasta kiss you offer a lamb in the morning and a lamb in the afternoon known as the carbon comet carbonara which by the way was the origin of chakras and manasa as the gamora says in Bratislava dalit how do you understand this so I'm going to explain an idea the nucleus of it comes from the morale in a sieve asylum and I'll just illustrate it one of the greatest musicians and composers in the history of humanity is a man known as Beethoven he became blind and he became deaf but they didn't stop him from being one of the greatest composers Beethoven rose every single morning at dawn what we would call a lesser Chaka even though he didn't know that term he rose before dawn and he made himself a coffee and he was very very particular about this or as we would say yeah Koosh about us each cup had to be made with exactly 60 beans how many beans that you put in your coffee well Beethoven every cup at dawn had to be made of exactly 60 beans and he counted out the 60 beans each time he would then sit at his desk and compose music until 3 o'clock p.m. in the afternoon subsequently he would go for a long walk he would take with him a pencil and a few sheets of music paper to record any ideas that entered into his brain on the walk each night after supper he would have a beer smoke a pipe and go to bed latest 10 o'clock p.m. and he did this for decades why do I share this with you you could study and you could do this you know if you take my word for it the lives of Jews and we'll have the Landrieu's people who were considered the most creative in history innovators trailblazers revolutionaries in all fields and you will find one common denominator you know what that is consistency routines every day almost to the extreme of mission what you would call mishegoss it's like chill out rigid structures and routines in an extraordinary way almost by every single one when they woke up what they did right after our two-hour minute-to-minute of course I'm sure there's always exceptions but on a general level there's a book somebody once wrote he collected the stories the biographies of greatest creative people and he showed how much routine they had in their life in fact there were some of them who were very wealthy but they was one famous famous novelist he hired himself he got himself hired in a post office post office he said he needs the responsibility to go into the post office what's the meaning of this so here's the paradox of life innovators pioneers groundbreakers trailblazers who formulated new ideas originated new forms of expression did things in a that nobody ever did it before they all broke the mold they changed the landscape they ventured into the unknown you would think their lives should have looked like absolute adventure and chaos their daily lives were opposite ritualized and routine you can even call them boring you know why I'll tell you why consistency routines and rituals constitute the soil in which the seeds of invention and creativity can grow creativity is a seed and it could blossom into a beautiful tree but a seed needs soil a seed needs ear a seed needs sunlight a seed needs water that soil is stable consistent it lays there on the earth doesn't move the soil which allowed the seeds of creativity to grow is the consistency and the routine this is what the Maharal says about this Madras smiley solar Cemil okay no Hashem I thought God is one Wow now let's go eat kugel but half-dollar Erica come on I love you now let's put you in failure or somebody wants to me he was in the shoulder Shoshana I'll be saying they were Rock'em and our father was saying K Roth came all velbon him Cainta rock Himalaya as a father as compassion over his children half care and as he did that he gave a flask to his son you could scream but selam aleykum also Sodom and then you say besides me I'm a nobody I'm a loser the uniqueness of you despite is a shock ever saw a fat ass of a boy give a sack ever such a me doesn't mean our buyer a Jew wakes up in the morning and he knows I'm a servant of God I'm a soldier I'm an ambassador of love light and hope I make a sacrifice in the morning I'm about to retire the day is way winding down I make another sacrifice what made Judaism so great and produced such an unbelievable nation is not that they had great slogans and great philosophies and great theologies they had the vision to implement the prophetic ideals in concrete life and that only happens through the daily consistency and routines yes you could tell Jews davin when you're in the mood you know what it would look like the dominie would be unbelievable because only people are in the mood right but how often are you in the mood tell me how often are you in the mood it's like telling a husband be here for your wife when you're in the mood I don't mean to spoil anybody's it's great to be in the mood that's not where greatness happens all inventions is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration somebody writes who Altman somebody writes I am simply I wake up in the morning rabbi Jacobs I wake up in the morning and I'm not in the mood of davenic I'm not interested I pull myself to show I dive and sometimes I dive in at home but I'm just completely not in the mood of it and I feel so empty Shabbos Yom Tov Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur is the worst but really every day especially chakras it's so long I'm just not in the mood I thank you for this letter and other similar questions I also relate to it I have the same the same experience welcome to the club you're not the only one but I wanted to say two things and also brief toothed brief ideas about this number one so what we have this Fallot fallacy that when you do something that you're not in the mood of it's meaningless I would argue it's the opposite when you do something that's meaningful to you that's valuable to you that's precious to you and you're not in the mood it's more meaningful it's more precious I'll give you an example somebody calls me up their best friend is making a wedding their best friend is marrying off a daughter and he tells me I'm not in the mood of going to the wedding I want to just climb into bed with a book and not go to the wedding so I tell them so you're not gonna go he says it's my best friend I feel like I have to go to the wedding so I'm going to go to the wedding is that a meaningful experience or a meaningless experience you say oh he's not in the mood he doesn't care for him when he says I feel I have to go to the wedding he doesn't mean that he feels it in his bones he doesn't he wants to go to sleep what it means is I have values in life that constitute my core self sometimes my emotions are aligned with my values sometimes they're not when my emotions are aligned with my values then it's easy to do it when my emotions are not aligned with my values and I have to put up a fight for my values that's amazing that's incredible that's powerful I asked you a question you come home at night from work are you in the mood of your kids anybody wants to tell us and this class only truth I know the women are talk about the men you're in the mood of your kids you come on he's got some mazak sash locket for wounded Sbrocco right and each child is a handful not a handful of planetfall I'm sorry a universe full of needs and everyone has an attitude especially once they hit teenage years which today is six everyone has an attitude everyone tells you how to live your life and you're a horrible mother and you're the worst father ever existed so some fathers are like okay I'm stopping all the credit cards no supper not making a bar mitzvah for you those are the healthy ones so some way I'm not in the mood you get out some fathers what they do is might've and somehow their wives believe that my riff is like Kol Nidre it takes two hours right the guy who once explained jokingly why Yaakov was Misaki admiring of ROM chakras and its administer why Yaakov my roof because Yaakov came home and Leia told them Reuben has an Eric Shimon has a virus Lavy has the flu you hood is a little terrorist his soccer has some issues the balloon thinks he's the new entrepreneur Don doesn't talk enough Tully is running all over the place or shadow know what's going on with him these kids are gonna need a lot of therapy Yaakov you stay home tonight you've given them a bath you put them to bed you tell them a story nurture them tell them listen to them and Jakob says might've it's time to do my teeth if I was Yakima would also be missile control the service but then there's a father who comes home or a mother who comes home and says I'm not in the mood I'm upset I'm actually in a bad mood I'm drowsy I'm exhausted I have a little headache but I have a question if somebody would come to you and say I will give you twenty five billion dollars my son once asked me this question you won't have to work another day in your life your great great grandchildren won't have to work a day in their life there's only one condition you have to give up this child this child who's driving you crazy you have to give up forever and you get twenty five billion dollars if you're a normal healthy person you don't have to think about it the answer is no it's not even a thought it's not even a consideration we had this conversation because my son asked me once he said tat if somebody comes to you on Shabbos and he asks you to sign a paper and for this Sunday that baby's gonna give you 25 billion dollars would you sign the paper on Shabbos so I told them no I said I don't believe you says it's impossible of course you're gonna sign the paper you won't tell anybody so you could can give you to give you could continue give you sure Europe but for sure for twenty five million dollars of course you can assign the paper explain to me what you're thinking that you're not gonna sign the paper leave me a little kid sign elin illustrations I said let me ask you a question if somebody comes to me and says I'll give you twenty five million dollars but you can't see your son again what do you think that he would say so he said now you won't now do you won't do it I said do you think it would be a struggle I would have to struggle in my mind should I should I not 25 billion my boy let's see if he behaves we'll give him a few weeks of a test he says no says it's or Joe understands what Shabbos is is exactly the same thing he doesn't have to think about it because Shabbos 25 billion dollars can buy Shabbos there are things in life that don't have a price tag they're priceless it's not that you can go up with price they're priceless somebody may not understand it or may not be a fear of it if it's not your child you don't understand it but that's there's some things like that in life so this father who comes home in a horrible mood and he says my deepest value in life is to be close to my child to be there for my child and therefore even though I'm really not interested it's that I'm not conscious of who I really am now because I had a hard day but I'm going to focus on this child because this is who I really am this is what I really cared this is what he needs you think that's a meaningful relationship or a meaningless relationship is that something to mark and say it's nothing you're you're a faker you're superficial on the contrary the same is true with Dominic so you're not in the boots is loss sometimes you are sometimes you're not if it's a real value to connect to who you really are to your soul to your God to infinity everything we discussed above don't worry about it don't be legitimized yourself because your moods are not always consistent with your deepest values the only thing I would say is don't lie never lie to yourself don't say to yourself I'm really in the mood I'm inspired because then you become a neurotic you become an unhealthy purse in fact you should talk about it to God put on your to fill in or open you sit and say God I have to be honest with you I can't tell this to my child you don't tell your child I'm not in the mood to you but he won't appreciate that but God has good confidence it's fine tell them I pay that did I woke up this morning you were the last thing on my mind I'm really really not in the mood and you got it you got a beer with me but this is precious to me and you don't imagine what a powerful experience that is because it's authentic it's real and the baal shem tov the holy baal shem tov articulated this idea beautifully in Apothic with which we open up the domine in the morning it's a plastic from Balaam bilham said matoi who are you laughter Yaakov Michigan Osaka he strong so the some have said how good are your tents Jacob your dwelling places Israel why does Yaakov get a tent and you sir all gets a Michigan - can i circa and who comes first Yaakov so the Baal Shem Tov said there are two types of Jews on oil a tent is often a oil RI it's a temporary tent like when you go camping a Myshkin means a dwelling place it could represent more permanence there are two types of Jews there's a Jew in the level of Yaakov which means a heel he constructs only tents for God temporary tents there's a Jewish role he constructs a Myshkin frescia there's a Jew he wakes up in the morning he has his Myshkin his dwelling place for God in the afternoon mimic at night Mareth that's how he strolls you and then there's another Jew is a Yaakov Jew he doesn't have a permanent dwelling place he's not even sure he wants it but as the baal shem tov put it 8 minutes before skia he looks at the clock and he says I'm immature and he puts up fast a tent and he daven's Minister and you would think it's meaningless so the posix says my toy of oil after Yaakov before Michigan a South Israel there's something very very precious about that person who struggles who has to transcend who has to fight for what he or she really believes in sometimes everything is in sync and sometimes it's not I want to read one more letter and finish with a story and then we'll continue this theme next week there's a lot of more questions that came in and I didn't get to address I tried to davon for many years I dive in but now I am too angry at Hashem and my anger prevents me from darvany I open up a sitter and I have to close it too so much resentfulness there's so much frustration because of things that happen in my life because of disappointments because I feel God never answered me I feel he doesn't care about me I feel nobody cares about me I'm just full of anger how can i rediscover my Judaism and my prayer and I say to you don't bring this up with me this you bring up with the one you're angry at this is what you're diverting should be this should be part of your domine tell Hashem like you would tell a best best friend who you could trust infinitely all of your feelings tell them tell them about your anger and I'll give you an example in a marriage in a marriage when a husband is very angry with his wife or a wife is very angry with her husband they could do one of two things well they can lash out at each other they can break some dishes they could separate that yes they can also repress it and those of us who grew up in countries where parents practiced emotional constipation know how to do that very well you repress it then that's it everything looks good but probably one of the deepest and most powerful ways of dealing with it is if you bring the anger into the relationship meaning if the wife can speak to the husband without him becoming defensive and explosive or the husband can speak to the wife and say I'm feeling now very very heavy anger or very very heavy resentment and suddenly the anger brings you closer to each other it becomes part of the relationship the anger is now not only a negative aspect that causes you to drift from each other to drift away it actually brings you closer you know why because even in your anger you're close to each other because you could bring that into the relationship because there's a there has to be a trust if there's no trust it's not gonna work but if there's a trust what happens now is in in this anger I can also trust you I could be here with you and you could appreciate what it is even though it's not fun but that condition has to be true as the condition has to be that the anger is not all-consuming I don't think that the only relationship I have with you is anger and there's nothing else there has to be a part of me that cherishes the relationship even though now I don't feel any of it now I feel anger and that but hums one of the most powerful relationships the same is true with you disguise when you bring your anger that you're feeling into Davin ink that itself will make it one of the most powerful relationships as diagnosed Nathalie Gaddafi is says the Gemara puts it in a different context if you don't bring it in you just repress it it doesn't disappear it just goes on the cover and it leaks out in a million different ways when you tell your wife I'm not angry at you my darling you look so angry what's going on me I'm not angry at you and then three hours later an explosion about the keys like atom bomb goes off everything comes out but if you bring it in if you present it and you allow it to be what it is then it actually not necessarily is transformed or eliminated or completely healed but now it hat doesn't have the power to destroy any part of the relationship there was a Jew who I knew very well my father a lavash Shalom was a very close friend of his for many years he passed away two years ago summer 2016 his name was Ali Ezzor Rahzel Elie Wiesel Elie Wiesel Elie Wiesel grew up in sigit came from a family of vision it's accident at the age of 14 he was deported to Auschwitz he lost much of his family in the death camps including his father and his mother and his sister who were murdered I think his father died from either of typhus in the death camp and he spent his life writing and talking about the Holocaust he died two years ago at the age of 89 he was a journalist for many years my father was a journalist so they befriended each other as two journalists Yiddish journalists he was a very interesting person he wrote a book shortly after the war called night some of you have read it perhaps right you red night anybody it's a very dark book as the name indicates and originally he wrote a book the version was in Yiddish 850 pages night is a condensed brief version of the book in English and there he writes some very very harsh language about God he describes when the Germans when the SS hung a little child on the gallows and because the body was so frail and so small it took a very long time till the boy died and he described what that scene did to him a religious Jewish kid who grew up in sigit with books and he Shiva and Hader tal mataira and he wrote what he thought of God at that moment where he saw God at that moment in this book night in 1997 50 years later era of Rosh Hashanah the day before Shoshanna he published an op-ed up IDI article in The New York Times on the up ed page of the New York Times I remember my father got the x ni and he opened it up and he was shocked he called Wiesel erover Shoshanna he had this big article on the up ed page of The Times read by millions of people a letter to God I want to read to you Elie Wiesel z' letter to God master of the universe let us make up its time how long can we go on being angry more than fifty years have passed since the nightmare was lifted many things good and less good have since happened to those who survived it they learned to build on ruins family life was recreated children were born friendships stuck does this mean that the wounds in their soeul have healed they will never heal as long as a spark of the flames of Auschwitz and Treblinka closed in their memory so long will my joy be incomplete what about my faith in you master of the universe I now realize I never lost it and nights when you read it it looks like he lost it he says that he lost his God I realize I never lost it not even over there during the darkest hours of my life I don't know why in Auschwitz I kept on whispering my daily prayers and I kept on whispering the one reserved for Shabbos and the one reserved for the holidays but I recited the prayers often with my father and on Rosh Hashana Eve with hundreds of inmates at Auschwitz was it because the prayers remained a link to the vanished world of my childhood in my testimony I have written harsh words burning words about your role in our tragedy I would not repeat them today but I felt them then I felt them in every cell of my being why did you allow if not enable the killer day after day night after night to torment kill and annihilate tens of thousands of Jewish children why were they abandoned by your creation these thoughts were in no way destined to diminish the guilt of the guilty they're established culpability is irrelevant to my problem with you master of the universe but in my childhood I did not expect much from human beings but I expected everything from you where were you god of kindness in Auschwitz what was going on in heaven at the celestial tribunal while your children were marked for humiliation isolation and death only because they were Jewish at one point I began wondering whether I was not unfair with you God after all ouch which was not something that came down ready-made from heaven ouch wits was conceived by men it was implemented by men staffed by men their aim was to destroy not only us their aim was to destroy you as well what we not to think of your pain too watching your children suffer at the hands of your other children haven't you also suffered as we Jews enter the High Holidays again preparing ourselves to pray for a year of peace and happiness for our people and all people let us make up master of the universe in spite of everything that happened yes in spite let us make up dear God for the child in me it is unbearable to be divorced from you so long you could see here a child who grew up with what I would call a spiritual vocabulary we all have the vocabulary of the home some home speak Yiddish some English some Hebrew some Russian some aspire - a pronunciation Ashkenazi - pronunciation a Yemenite pronunciation there's another vocabulary there's something called the spiritual vocabulary the ability to speak to God in an intimate way just like you speak to a real shrink just like you speak to the best friend in the world and even more than that because your best friend you still have to be sensitive to and with God you can unleash everything your most raw naked bruised tormented wounds he's waiting to hear Elie Wiesel rebuilt his life it was not easy he did not do it in the regular path of what you would call the classic shrine Matero mitzvah whose Emunah remained inexplicably and incredibly intact one of the greatest miracles perhaps of human history to see what the generation of survivors did in spite of all of their dysfunction and torment and pain Elie Wiesel struggled and he wrote about his struggles but at the end the fact that he could scream protest and cry out to God gave him comfort he could lean on something beyond the human machine Elie Wiesel debated God for 50 years it's not the classic thing that every Judah but that's what he did he didn't agree to rationalize he did not buy any answers or any explanations he wrestled with the divine key sir Issa in LA Kim you wrestled with the divine but he felt in the butt in his bones that there's somebody to wrestle with there's somebody listening to him there's somebody to fight with that's what Hannah told Ailee he could speak to God cry to God and be upset at God so you writing this email in 2018 you could bring that into your prayer you could bring that in to your relationship I'm going to conclude with a story stories about another survivor I always found the story very inspiring and I'll tell you when that happened there was a Jew by the name of Simon Wiesenthal you ever heard of Shimon Shimon Vasanta Simon Wiesenthal died in 2005 Tufton Samak Hey he was an Austrian Jew a survivor he spent four and a half years in German concentration camps and after the war he became the famous Nazi hunter he dedicated his life to hunt down Nazis and I should mention a few days ago the death of one of the bookkeepers at Auschwitz who was never brought ultimately to justice Wiesenthal dedicated much of his life to gather information to track down fugitive Nazis to be brought to some level of justice if he can call it justice in Bratislava and Slovakia there was a conference of European rabbis a few years ago it was two or three years before Wiesenthal died he was 91 at the time and the rabbi's of Europe who came together in Bratislava presented a special award to Simon Wiesenthal he was visibly moved by the gesture of the rabbis and he says when he gets up to the mic I want to share with you an encounter that I had with a rabbi in the name of the rabbi was the blazes silver the blazes silver was a character of characters he was the chief rabbi of Cincinnati the head of a gooda Sarah Bonham one of the heads of odd Hatzolah he was a very interesting figure he passed away in the 1960s was known as your blazes silver and he was a character he was a personality and he carried a lot on his shoulders and he was a real ask and he was a real activist for the Jewish people the blaze of silver he died in 1968 I think gumption Kafka's traveled to Europe after the war to try to help the survivors who were in displaced person camps and a system and various needs after the war he visited Mauthausen matt thousand was the last of the camps where Wiesenthal was during the liberation and ref silver organized a prayer a public Fela for all the Jewish inmates who wanted to come down with a minyan for the first time in many years and he met Simon Wiesenthal who has just been liberated and he invited him as a Jew to come to this service Simon Wiesenthal tells rabbi silver no way I'm not coming and I'll tell you why when I was in the camp I saw many different types of people do many different types of things and I was saying parenthesis I'm just an interesting tidbit somebody a Jew borrowed from wiesen fell $10 in the DP camps and he told next week I'm getting a package from America I'm getting money I'll pay you back next week six months lady never paid him back ten dollars 1946 was a lot of money in a DP camp a year later the man still didn't pay back he comes over to Wiesenthal and he says my package finally came I'm leaving next week on a ship to America I want to give you back my ten dollars and he says keep it ten dollars is not worth me changing my opinion of you this was Wiesenthal he was a sharp sharp fella I'm not discussing if he was right or wrong but this was his comment so he says I met a lot of people in the camps do a lot of things and trust me rabbi silver in those places all colors all true colors emerge there's no stick there was one religious man in whose presence when I first met him I was in awe why he managed to smuggle in a sitter a Jewish prayer book into the camp I knew that he's risking his life and I was amazed and inspired by a man who has such conviction and faith that he's ready to risk his life not to part himself from his precious prayer book in which he wants to speak to God even though I wiesen thought about a religious person I was amazed and I was in awe till the next day and to my horror I discovered a different story he was renting out to Sid there two people in exchange for giving him their last piece of bread I was so angry with this man how could he take a sinner a holy book and he's using it to take the last piece of bread of a hungry Muslim man of a hungry skeleton away I will not pray and I will not look at a sitter if this is how the supposedly lidge's drew behaves I also wanted people's breads but I wouldn't use the prayer book for that he did prayer is not for me Wiesenthal finished and he walked away the blazes silver you couldn't get so easily he he stood as all he was a character he was a personality as he walks away in a blaze of silver taps him on his shoulder and he says in Yiddish they bestow on oh he bestow on ah which means you are such a fool you are such a fool which didn't seem proprietary response he could say you're wrong or you miss to an are you such a fool Wiesenthal became intrigued why rabbi silver thinks that he's childish and foolish he says why are you calling me an IRA fool so the blazes silver told him these words he says I have a question to you everybody has a panorama of life we all see things you see a hundred and eighty degrees of the ball as we look around we all see things the question is what our eyes get stuck on what do I see and what do I see well what do I see or what I am NOT blind to what do I see he says that's why I call you childish childish what are you focusing on on now one manipulator who decided to use a sitter in order to take away people's last meals this was his way of surviving okay he manipulated the sitter and people's desperate need to pray to get some bread I got it so you're focusing on this let's call them less than noble person why don't you focus on the dozens of Jews who were ready to give away their last piece of bread in order to be able to use a sitter in order to be able to talk to God in my thousand people whom the Germans crushed decimated deprived them from the last vestige of human dignity the rats and mice and Auschwitz were treated better than the Jews as a survivor once told me they had nothing left not even bones forget family and these people who were supposed to become worthless rats and worse held on to something that the SS couldn't destroy they held on to something they wanted to talk to a God who wasn't saving them not one not two he was renting it out to many people in spite of all their suffering they had something that wasn't destroyed isn't that remarkable isn't that a miracle of all miracles that's what you should look at for them you should come to the prayer Wiesenthal quietly followed the blaze of silver into the soul for Dominic 60 years later at the age of 91 at this conference of European rabbis shortly before he died he shared the story have a wonderful week this class is brought to you by the achieve Annette please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at triple w dot they ueshiba net / donate