Basic Judaism: Questions and Answers - 1 - Rabbi Reuven Lauffer

can about sugar in a it is from a mixed faith family put himself in an environment that what extent can can heat for the sake of that you know Chris family involved in something oh yeah it's a good question I mean first of all I think they're right there are two there are two dimensions to the question the first question is the I guess the theological question and then there's a more practical dimension of what can you what can you eat while still there but I I think like this that family gatherings are okay if the family gathering has got a religious dimension to it then it becomes more problematic okay I we spoke about this a little while ago it but most most most families nowadays especially in specially families that are sort of interfaith families so I would imagine that the dimension is a lot more of the family getting together being together just having a meal together rather than having religious / terms you know even if some of the paraphernalia that's normally around at that time of the year is there i don't i don't really think you think i don't really think I don't think I mean very much anymore so the idea of the family getting together and being there is not i don't think that intrinsically is a problem what might be a problem of course is that the the food that's being served up is not edible so so someone who's keeping it just sound quite like that but for somebody's keeping kosher they can't eat it so that that might be the cause of you know some tension I don't know that's something that so he needs to be thought about how to get around that one but you know it's a I don't see it as being a problem particularly again unless you're talking about it's some kind of religious thing and it's to cash flow issues aside if you can get the catcher essentially know if I were to have a family in the future and my sister father invites us over for Christmas Day games and drinks yes which avoids cutter assoc but it couldn't gets the turning within a kind of yeah so what extent with it yeah surely God in my family look I don't I don't know that's that's it that's a very that's a very delicate question do you want mid-session do you want your children to be exposed to these kinds of things that's a good question i don't know it's got a lot to do with how you're bringing them up it's got a lot to do with how sheltered they're going to be it's it perhaps has a lot to do with their personalities as well again in theory the idea of everybody getting together as a day off right so there's a you know it's holiday time the idea of everybody getting together and just having a good time together a new afternoon and enjoying each other's company is something which if anything for you know forgetting about the fact that it might be that time of the year is it's I would imagine it's probably a very good idea no Chester everyone should know that just because you become religious it doesn't mean that you've cut off any ties and that everybody should know everybody cousins should know each other and that that part is fine it really is but i'm not i'm not sure about the other part is a very it's very very subjective it's very personal you know if you've got look I think the but the bottom line is like this right when you've got an interface you've got an interfaith marriage right and you've got children who have got that have got a non jewish grandparent a non-jewish grandfather in this case right so that's that's what they've got you know that you can't you can't and there's there's you know Bo Hashem if there's a relationship between everybody and it's good and it's healthy you know it's not something which can be denied it's there it exists so I don't think that's something which needs to be the cause of a lot of angst I really don't you know that's that till we are that's what we have you know like the same evils mi sheesh that's what there is so that part I really don't think that part is such a big issue again if as long as it doesn't have religious overtones to it if it in it if it does have religious I talked about going to visit family on the twenty-fifth 57 know that time of the year yeah and so non Jewish family obviously right so I think again if it's got it is going to just overturns it becomes a problem participating in something like that is not snot so simple anymore however I would say like this I really would that if it comes to that and you know bahasham you're married and you've got children and I would say you know what maybe at that point again you need you need to measure what you feel what you feel if there's any fallout how much you feel it's going to be from both sides you know from parents side and from the children's side and and then maybe if needs be to go ask her ask a question at the time go and ask your you know your local Orthodox rabbi is it what do you reckon might be possible for example of just to avoid to avoid it being overtly religious right so perhaps instead of going on the twenty-fifth a dissembler on the twenty-sixth of december which is also holiday I don't have it solid in America written in England it's a holiday and it could just it could just be that the 25th December is just not convenient for you to be able to make it you know just quite by chance but you know how about if we all meet up on the 26 instead another another possibility which is something to think about again all of this is like food for thought at the moment but the other or other alternative is to have the family come to you that way it really is just a family gathering and you know then you can you can be in charge of the food that's being served up and if you want you know you can you can serve some things that it might be familiar with but it just you know it's everybody coming around to you it's a family gathering it's having a meal together or it's having drinks and bridge rolls together and a million afternoon tea whatever it is and having a question expired so i don't think so no no my mother you know she had all kinds of people that she was involved with she's involved in all kinds of organizations and she was evolved all kinds of people that were you know needy people and sheets you at that time in the year she used to make mince pies and give them out and you know I mean whatever were left because we used to eat lots of them but they were pretty good I must that i must admit they were pretty good and i don't i don't see that as being a problem i made maybe maybe you know making a Christmas pie but Christmas pudding what's a cool Christmas pudding that that incredible ball of cholesterol that's so you know maybe maybe that's something that you should steer away from that's that's a little bit to avert but you know other things I mean I don't know is a problem it's a problem with eating turkey you know turkey lunch on that day I don't think so as long as it's been done just for the family I think it's okay it's not really it's not religious personal good yeah but good great the less the better really which means if it's just a family it's just a family gathering their hands they have a tree yes I so just before you came around saying that that you know even even if some of the symbols are there but they don't really mean anything you know unfortunately in a lot of a lot of Jewish families when it comes to can occur they also just have the symbols or have a menorah and they'll give out presents but they're not it's not it really unfortunately doesn't have any kind of religious significance whatsoever to over here it's work works and it works in your benefit it's good yeah it's really which means that I'm gonna sign from the present it's obvious a mercenary gosh but as I aside from that we just you know the idea of getting to get like I think it's you know you're living your living with a reality the reality is that there's a it's a shame you'll get mad and have children they'll be there'll be a grandparent who's not Jewish right so you know so fine that's that's a reality that your children your children you know should they have exposure to ya for sure it should be part of the family right and there has to be there has to be a way of working out how to be able to you know to sell this to your children and sell it to the grandfather as well so that everybody can get on together a bumpkin everyone can enjoy each other's company and and you know what even you know the grandfather should be able to have a good healthy relationship with his with his grandchildren and it's a balancing act man so sure because part of the problem is that if somebody if somebody is not Jewish and if somebody's not a religious Jew then there really is no there's no understanding of the requirements which are they're very complex you know like what it's like what what's the big deal all I did was just give him a cheese sandwich I know I can I know he can't eat me no I know that right so I just I gave him a cheese sandwich what's the big deal and in their eyes of course it's not a big deal and they really they went they they went out of their way to make sure that it wasn't neat and it was only milk but it's a problem because of bread is a problem and the cheese is a problem and who knows what right so it's it's a it's a balancing act and very often it can there can be a lot of tension but you know what I always I always I monish I believe this one hundred percent that if you have got a good healthy relationship yourself with the person all of these things can be got over they really can you know if it's good you the person knows that despite the fact that you're weird and that you're you know like your Michigan a front right despite that that you love them and you care for them then that will that will transcend everything it really well you look like stone the question Sally Justice of shaking the situation for many years growing up we would have the Knockouts it together we would have Christmas decorations and everything and so for my for a sort of 560 million years or so I am admitting with my living with my mother we didn't have any kind decorations but like that rightly so goes all out of Christmas and makes in this house with a fantastic nope it's got lots of treason but and it became kind of more of a tradition that because I wasn't doing anything at home I would go help him you don't even need my help putting up lights and yeah my granny to you know she's 87 years old and she always asked me for me to help her for her christmas truck for her and decorated for her yeah um I suppose the question is involving myself in and assembling Christmas decorations is that an issue in my client of mine and then they'll thing is is it if it is an issue is it is it not a case of its kind of a pheasant for me to help for example of my grandma yeah yeah I think I think like this again if this stuff is going up religious reasons and it's probably if it's just going up because it makes the house of nice as a lot less problematic is this is this something that a good Jewish boy should be doing well maybe not maybe I think there may be there other past-times that might be you know like go around kissing the scissors or something any other salary would be no you better not be no situation right now my father and I ya know so i would say i would say like this like I would say that first of all you know I'm it's a sham when you were when you finally get back over there and you've established yourself and you'll you know you're up and running and doing all the things that you need to be doing it it is entirely conceivable that that it may not work out for logistic reasons and if that if that's the case then you know I think that's that perhaps perhaps that might be okay I'm avoiding using the word good because I don't want to upset you put like that might be you know if you if you for example you you've got maybe you've got a job that doesn't allow you to be in the area right you're traveling whatever it is if not I do think that in order to retain some kind of some some kind of family balance over here right in order to make sure that that the connection is still there you know maybe maybe it's okay to do it any luck it's usually see well again if it's if it's if this is religious then when you say it's religious we're not utter with putting the decorations up to commemorate that Christian festival but win but well the question mission is not hanging up a picture right so Jesus again the question is ideas are they doing it because they believe in it are they doing it because they like just like the way the house looks is they're Christians in there and it's Christmas and that's what maybe appreciation Sam it sounds like it sounds like people lighting the menorah it is a bit ly good enough really nice they don't go to church yeah they wants us to memory efficient because it's fun tradition except over me hug you can say being like when you've lemon oil if you say Rotter can you put up yeah I'm saying like that I understand that it might not be the most appropriate thing but honest question is let's say it was a case of if it was a case of there's a halacha that says you should not be doing this I would be thinking okay well maybe there's a working around it the question of or maybe it would be logistic me nothing from a possible won't work the magic specially because my father will say to me if too much for Christmas we'll walk around you we want you to come and help us let me know when you're free so I can't always not be free right and ok if it's invasive me for retaining a connection with my family even if I at that point don't feel completely thoughtful doing it I would what I would want to do it if okay the fact that I was keeping that connection okay I do i do feel i do feel that there is a an intrinsic difference between fairy lights and the tree really mmm you know those little colored lights that get put up and today I don't have that one because it's the tree the tree the origins of the tree are actually pagan where does where is the origin of the tree will he come from it comes from the idea that it's an evergreen and its 25th in December is now past the middle of the winter it's part past they went the longest that the shortest day of the year is when the 21st right 21st right so it's past its past the like that the height of the winter and in in pagan cultures going back a long way they would they would take and evergreen because that was the only thing that was growing it was green right and they would they would worship that as you know that's it now that i think this the winter we're now moving towards the spring which means of things are going to start rejuvenating and the idea of having something green something growing was very important to them that the tree itself regardless of why the trees being put up today does have its origins in something which is pretty much forbidden that's why putting up lights and putting up tinsel I mean all this stuff is manufactured in Taiwan and you know it's it doesn't doesn't really have very much very much of an anything to it my cousin told me that when he first got married he came to Israel and it was circus and he got his wife had cousins in cooler and they went to visit them and the you know you know little kid opens adorned he says compasses come and see the rebus and he takes him into that sucker and they've got like these tinsel Santa Clauses right hanging from her from the sucker because if I you know it's just as I go he looks like a castle esha rebel with a red coat instead of a black one yes I come and see the rivers and my cousin said you know coming coming from ellens he was completely and absolutely it just like took his breath away yeah at that he said he said that they were so you know for them it didn't mean a thing had no meaning whatsoever it was it was just sukis decoration so when you're saying that concept of putting a trip is forbidden are you talking her are you looking I am saying given the choice between the two right that I think I think that the tree is more problematic than the lighter that's why I ok and if there's an 87 year old grandmother you can't put the trap myself that's really need your help you would like your help is there ever a situation where I want to reason why I'm asking I'm being quite specific like there's a lot more not because if it's just it's better not to do it I understand that if it's a choice between doing a great app by the way can do that's a blessing to answer them yep schmuck so the memories of doing great active professor towards your elderly grandmother or doing something I deal I know which one I for one if I decide to hold on that level I don't wanna eat committing any kind of sick right I'm asking with a professionally what would happen what would happen if you didn't do who were doing in stone no someone else would do it but it's one of my cousins would get on my father would help but it's just for her to know I think I think she's of the mindset you know like she's involved herself in my Jewish life and she would like to think like in some way involving myself in her life if you're if i say i'm up and a good I wider that's me making a statement it's got a bit yeah which I I would not I first of all even even if the answer is no I would not suggest that you say it like that right i really wouldn't I would I i would suggest that something else something else is done in order to get around the problem I don't I don't think this is something that is necessarily going to go understood you're quite right if she's you know going out of her way to you know to interest herself in what you're doing religiously then it's certainly in her mind requires a quid pro quo and I think she I think she's right the problem over here is it's a technical problem which is certain things are ok and certain things are not ok and everyone I make I'm looking look into the tree and see if it's a you know it can't get a definitive yes or no but I do think that I do think if the answer is no then it should really be a case of you know gosh granny I've done my back in I can't i'm not i'm not sure that I'm not you know I'm not even sure that I can I can pick up a feather right now and have somebody else but again but to be involved in other things instead which is understand like to for sure to be involved in your grandmother's life that's that's I think that's I think it's very very important I already do first of all your grandmother needs to see that that you're become religious hasn't you know hasn't hasn't turned you into some nasty mean thoughtless person right um you might have been a nasty mean thoughtless person to begin with so then it does make any difference so they're quite the opposite now that you're becoming religious as has enhanced your sensitivity it's made you more you know more aware of what she needs and to try to help her out and whatever that is just with it with inside of what's okay rather than stepping over into things that are possibly not okay so an example you know is there any problem with taking your grandmother out shopping and buying non kosher meat fernand whatsoever you know that's that's fine that's great and it's going to help her that so it's a great thing to do I remember the kid just just after my as a kid and it's just before and after my bomb into every every Sunday I user actually maybe it could have been Sunday I think cuz the shots were closed you know I don't remember but I used to go once a week I was to go with her shopping and that was that was my job you know I had to go with a shopping she live not very far away from us and we went went shopping together and thought i had to schlep all the stuff back I was like that was really why I was there and that's a that's an important thing to do right over here it's even more important I think because you know again to retain the relationship it's very very important just not to do things you're not allowed to do so I'll look into it so ya see what's what we did have a we had a target here a few years several years ago who actually his his / NASA was Christmas trees no yeah he would start entry he would start in October he had up he had a panty the forest where you can go there are owned by landowners right in the forest you cans in America down found in the South America near very very from very Christian areas and he said you know you went to these forests and you could you cut him down yourself he was that it was a real you know hefty guy he said you bought him you bought him for two or three dollars each and he would load up trailers and then you sold him he says you know real real good ones you could sell for like two or three hundred dollars ago and he said it kept him going all year he would go he would work october november and end of october the whole of november and then yeah up until the towards the end of december and he said he made enough money to keep him going for the whole year on that you know again is that khazana is that a great job in jewish boy yeah just sitting trees yeah and selling trees so again i don't it's interesting he never asked me and i have a sudden the thing it could be because he was selling these things in religious areas oh there were Christians who believed in this stuff right so I don't know perhaps it perhaps it is a problem for him I don't know he never asked and I never said nothing and he was here for he was here for you know I don't know eight 8 nine months or something and then he had to go back because it was the season and he never came back again I'm really after war with sometimes I got here the fun's moon-like talk very negatively about Jews that are observed then um or like well I can't imagine like I'm very uncomfortable with absolutely this my mom's it's an area you know she got a divorce but like I did good talking about my mother okay no and my brother too because like he doesn't believe this stuff he's 4112 agnostic I'm uh I'm disturbed bite as well actually yeah I I thought I find that the you know I really don't think that the Jewish people should be dabbling in bigotry I really don't you know we are the most picked upon people in the world throughout history we are experts in the other end of bigotry right we're the experts of being the recipients of bigotry and racism and and and you name it and we it takes being that I would have thought that the Jewish people really need to be you know so incredibly sensitive about this stuff where does it come from I mean I'm not I'm not justifying any of it don't misunderstand me I think it's wrong I really do and I'm sorry you know I'm truly sorry that you've experienced it because it's not something you should have experienced I imagine that it really just stems from you know we are we try to be very insular and when you know when somebody's intial when you live a certain kind of a lifestyle when you expose the things that are not part of your lifestyle so they you know they people react and right so sometime you know if you react it's like oh that's interesting or oh gosh that's disgusting you know it's like different reactions for different people and i think i think it's i think it's terrible absolutely terrible that the Jews look down on other Jews because they aren't on the same religious level that they are i mean that's ridiculous it really is yet somebody wants define I think it's a very very clever definition that I'm okay but anyone who keeps less than I am is a bum and anyone who keeps more than is a fanatic and everybody thinks like that which means that you thing like that a new thing that I thing like that and you think like that everybody's thinking the same thing with everyone's got their own okay right and I think it's terrible that people look down at other people just because they're not keeping whatever they're keeping you know it could be for example this person maybe this person isn't Orthodox but they don't think bad about other people whoops nice so okay and answer where does that put me at the moment right I'm well I keep lots of visitors but I think badly about other people that don't right so who's better over here I don't know College bobble doesn't want us to look down at other people because they're not keeping mrs. I Kurdish boho dozen want to look down that doesn't want us up down at people because they're not Jewish you know it's very sad that the word gory just means a nation in the TARDIS means a nation a Jewish people also call it go rogue I kadosh were a holy nation right it's got its got it over the years it's picked up a derogatory connotation to it gori is like a you know Scott's on something negative to it then I'm guessing whatever is good I tell you what I think she's right actions in aware I i personally you won't hear me say it if you do it'll be in a very in a very specific context of an quoting somebody or if I'm referring to you know something I've got a possum from the Torah which is talking about you know the different nations of the world or talking about us that's one thing but to call a non-jew ago I again it's a perfectly it was a perfectly respectful definition at one point but I don't think it is any more about it like just call them non-jews that's all right we're all created that elemental King war created in the image of God and I think that a little a little bit of a little bit of you know sensitivity and a little bit of taking other people's feelings into account wouldn't go and miss even amongst the Orthodox communities I really do you know calling calling people who are black calling them names that have got negative connotations even though they don't they don't mean it that's just the way they're called is that's a lack of sensitivity it's wrong it's just wrong it really is and and you know again don't misunderstand me no no Jewish boy should get married to a non Jewish girl and no not no Jewish girl should get married to a non Jewish boy we're supposed to marry each other that's what God wants from us but if it happens good it happens so what what now so what you know I always tell everybody I've never come across anybody who became Orthodox I never met anybody who became about chula because somebody threw a rock through their windshield on shabbos because they were driving through the area isn't that strange I never met anybody like that I've met plenty of people that became orthodox because they were exposed to beautiful families and beautiful shabbos and beautiful you name it right but I've never I've never come across anyone who became Orthodox because of some kind of intense e negative behavior and I I don't you know I just don't get it I just don't I don't get why people imagine that it's an acceptable thing to do right I had a friend who told me with him pain was in Australia it was just it was heir of Yom Kippur and he was on his way he was in Melbourne he was on his way to short and he says he's just walking down the street and he says that you know that a pickup truck comes barreling down the road we said with these three greasy rednecks inside of it and they see and they start screaming out filthy Jew you know you feel for you and he says to himself you know that's outrageous he says you know it's air of Yom Kippur i've just i've been to the mikvah I've had a shower this is who are you calling filthy figure this say Jones guys like covered in grime and dust and greasy hair and and and that he told me that it taught I told him he said he said he was hurt right and he said he'd suddenly rise you know that sometimes also he would he would call other people by names and he realized that you know Nene sir that this hurt right and hearing other people say that hurts as well and I think I think we have to be a lot more careful i really do we live in a reality where where they're intermarriages exist you know it's quite prevalent in certain places and we just it's not it's not it's not enough just to say oh you know foo you that those people are terrible that's not that's ridiculous isn't it when you do whatever I think it's something we all need to work and I really do this idea just being more a little bit a little bit more sensitive towards other people who they are what they are what they're doing so that's it right very right giving is this yeah oh yeah oh it's not bad huh that's not good sorry this up on the 40 instead to rain that's that's not good at all it really isn't and if like I don't want to bring my like family into the fold at all because of this kind of stuff you know like I I don't feel comfortable buying into a Shabbos dinner or something you're just gonna check it out just like finished on me yeah he's like dude you know it's it depends who they are right but if they're if they're the kind of people who are gonna be able to hear what you're saying you then I think I think it's not not only do I think it's a good idea I think it might even be a little bit of an obligation without the matter I'm you're here for example you've got somebody like yourself coming round they don't know your background they know that you've been sent there for a shovel shall have a shabbos experience right and there they are talking derogatorily about for example intermarriage not knowing that you're a product of intermarriage that that's kind of that I mean that's kind of I think that's very sad I really do okay same thing I think it I think it's very sad I mean again if it's people who know you they know your background and they say these things because they want to rile you up you know that's that's something else you know they're just they're just teasing and that's something else but it's something that people are saying they shouldn't be saying things I let you shouldn't touch those turrets s like this right and again it's not an optimal thing but a person has been born to a Jewish mother is Jewish one hundred percent Jewish right yeah so what happens i'm i am i am i less now than I was because it doesn't make any sense and like I set aside from everything else he only the only way that we're going to be able to influence people the only way that we're going to be able to to show people that the importance of being Jewish and the beauty of being booij is if we're actually nice I always tell everybody you should know that they're not the most powerful weapon in the cure of the in the outreach armory is just being disgustingly revoltingly nice and I'm not kidding i'm really not it's got a lot less to do with how much you know and it's got a lot less to do with with you know how quick you are to answer questions and it's got a lot more just to do with you know project you first sort of project an enthusiasm for being orthodox yourself you know to project a passion I you're happy that you've got to keep the mixes and you're happy to be living a life like this but also to be thinking about everybody else it's not enough it's it's an it so that's incumbent upon all of us two or three days it's called bit it's called before so this is for after the rare kokomo usual love you fellow man like yourself right that Rabbi Akiva says that their cloud got Alberto that's that's the most important that's like the most important rule in the Torah to love your fellow man like your sounds mean you're so do it justice over stuff you know what let's start off we follow Jews right now let's start off with that and see how we go hi because I mean then get is some random visitor sometimes it goes wrong yeah yeah i agree with you and I think it's it's not good it's everybody's not good like I've been around the world you know I'm like I have a lot of different types of friends like it's nice here just like it it can be quite this is nearly being sought from the bastion of aspects of the importance of respecting tested it and for my perceptions not always but a lot of fun with in the front from birth community that seems to be completely lacking like this concept of being a light unto the nations I've seen so many but then I'm here of world you don't see it but outside of that world like I look at Jewish people around some parts that were living in here I think you guys learning the different Connie Judaism to what we've installed here because it is nowhere in my Judaism physical effects but possible to know what's but just know that any attempt being made interested correctly this failure yeah but what's the problem the problem is like this is an attempt being made to correct the behavior i think the attempts are being made if anything they're being made in a subliminal way which means that the the great leaders the great Torah scholars of the generation they all they all share that the one thing that threads them all together is not so much their brilliance but they're incredible personalities right and that's something which we're supposed to be learning that with it again I'm like am I going to be I would say more than that am I going to be the most brilliant person in the generation no I'm not am I going to be like that great rabbi in his Torah in his torrent knowledge and his and his width and breadth of understanding no I'm not but you know what I can I can't everybody is capable of matching him up when it comes to what I called me dot right personality characteristics oh just of just you know everybody can do that me dot is not that's got nothing to do with how much time you know the mortar you know the better you're able to fine-tune your me dog right but the idea of being able to be like that that's something which is a pro anybody could do that we'd say here in the morning I want you to hear this because a lesson that stay with me for an awful long time decades we say in the morning but before we get going at the end of what's called be a cat at around before we get going with davin e so we say L adventure Adam also present by the Muslim and Ken camera Salem habla I don't I don't want to go through the explanation right now but it's you get this like a double it's like a win win over here you get reward in this world and you get reward in the world to come for all these things over here and the list is almost entirely centered around doing good things to other people it's a very beautiful list you know kibble other a borrowing your parents doing Hesed having guests visiting the sick marrying off brides escorting the dead like bringing peace between people that's a very beautiful list right and then at the end it says the Talmud okanagan cool i'm a learning torah is equivalent of all of these things now when I was a teenager I had a real problem with us he said is the bother me terribly why because we all know people who are incredibly good people they're just not the non-orthodox they're the kind of people you rely upon entirely the kind of people that you love to be around the kind of people always running around looking to help other people right that they're not there no Orthodox but they are that they're lovely lovely people and unfortunately there are people out there who the most incredible Talmud a curse on them incredible scholars and their personalities are shot to pieces they know they're not gonna they want to get a time of day they want they want help with anything it's like all of you nothing right and I'm never honest away me time were talking cool um how can you say that I can you say the learning tour is equivalent to all of these things if you had to choose between spending a day together with some buddies not Orthodox was a beautiful person or spending your day together with somebody who's the most incredible Talmud scholar he just doesn't have to be a nice person who would you choose to be with it's a no-brainer right we all know what the answer is so I went I went to my arabian london to ask him it bothered me a part of a teenager it bothered me I thought I want me I don't want to say this so he told me that he told me the most incredible thing and it stuck with me all these decades it start with me he says like this the function of learning Torah is to turn you into a better person the problem problem in inverted commas with being a good person who's not Orthodox isn't it won't necessarily draw you towards god you're intrinsically a good person which you'll go around being good to everybody in helping everybody but it it won't it may not enhance your spiritual relationship he says but most people are not like that most people are selfish and most people need to be taught how to think about other people right and that's what the Torah does the turret allows you to learn about all these things you need to do and then you have to apply them you hear the idea I've read he told me a phrase is that this is a bit that stuck in my mind all these years he told me like this he says somebody who learns Torah every day and it does not turn him into a better person every single word of Torah he learns his flawed because the function of learning Torah is what to become a better person but if you've got somebody who's sitting in a basement letter somewhere and he's learning yeoman valign a day and night he's learning and he knows everything forwards and backwards and upside down and inside out but it didn't touch his inner being right it didn't turn him into a better person than every single word that his blood has got a flaw in it somewhere he chats the most astonishing thing right it doesn't stop him from being a tight he's an incredible time to talk him for sure righty he's a scholar he knows everything but so there's a phrase I saw a beautiful idea there's a phrase of the Gomorrah then they described one of the rabbi's in the Gomorrah and they say Talmud I bayardo that his Torah learning was in his hands so the bally I'm also write the rabbis are trying to make us into better people they say what do you mean tumble to be only these teronis in his hand your tolerance in your head isn't it so he said no because the whole function of the Torah learning is what is to bring it out into the open right to do mitzvahs and to do care said and to be involved in doing stalker and to become a better person that comes out through your hands not through your head okay in my head I'm a good person that does make any sense right but that that's really what it's all about and when you hear you know where you hear these these you know these bigotry and racism that it should it should it's about it really should bother you it really should and even if you weren't coming from the background that you're coming from you should bother you I bother it bothers me it bothers me terribly to hear these things I just I don't understand I understand how would you can be a bigger I just own I can understand how shoes can be scared I can understand how JEWS can like circle the wagons right when things start getting bad and to be very very suspicious and very very you know very very wary of everybody on the outside I can understand that you know Jewish history that's what it's all about right but from there to step into the world of bigotry that's not good and I do i do I honestly think that if you're if you're in an environment where you feel that if you say something maybe someone will listen maybe it'll maybe it actually make a difference then I think you should say hey you know what I'm sorry to draw this to your attention but i don't i don't think that you know that's all I don't think it's okay to say that you would it however you think it's the best way to work just speak about me though I don't really say by the way my father's not Church that guy's yeah okay so maybe you know if you're sitting at somebody's Friday night table and I whole family's over there right so to you know to say it in front of them like that maybe it's not a great idea but after when you're saying thank you just to draw the person aside to one side and say do you know listen you know you said a lot of thank you very much he's had a lot of beautiful things at the table but by the way you should just know if you want you can reinforce it you can say that you hurt you heard from you know you've heard that it's it's it's forbidden for Jews to talk like that don't use hmmm what it was you see it again it's I don't I don't think it's something that needs to be said i don't know i don't think i don't think it's something that needs to be written at all i think it's something which is so obvious I think so too but like your rabbis i don't know i don't i don't get it i don't understand i just know but if it's a sham look you know what maybe we'll start we can start to change things a little bit little bit by little bit