Zera Shimshon Shiur Parshas Chayei Sarah with Rabbi Simcha Bunim Berger

Bring me a seat. >> Okay. [clears throat] >> You ready? >> Ready. >> Okay. [clears throat] Good evening. Welcome back. Thursday night parishes. Thank you to tonight's sponsor prager in the honor of his new anes tomorrow morning. So this this could be like a we can learn for the of the baby. Yeah. And is a grew up to be a graced and to everyone all that are here and everybody who tune tunes in on the on Torah anytime and on the Zerimshin channel. Okay. The ziv everybody talks about yeets and rif. But what about a and sorro? They also celebrated they celebrated in the sense that they lived a successful life. The Tyra at the end of the par I'm going to get to the zer in a moment and give you the mar the disha says vos died z means old means in a full complete the ramban says anything and everything that a person can wish for. A was he was nif at a good old age. He had from his kind even who he had a lot of from who's older. Who's written first in the >> Why is written first say Rashi Maishu. The fact that he led his brother Yitzk who he had taunted and made Sorus earlier causing Sorah to have to kick him out. Now at Abrau's end of his life is giving cover to and he's letting go first that he did. So his kid went off. The kid is sitting at Kim and he came back. He had money. He had he had he had he had ziknah says the anything and everything a person can want in this world. He was one of those that say is this world and the next world as you would expect one of the to have as we expect all of the of how did he get it? What was the secret? Tonight's talks about the talks about it in two places. We want to learn both of them. [clears throat] Go please Rabbi page. The first place the discusses this pose is it where does it come from? Does it sound familiar? From where? We sing it every Friday. I hope we do. >> That was the No, >> according to the That's right. That's the That's why. Very good. Ellie Ellie gets a grace of maz. He's making a on Monday night with them in a China. The signs are up. We all look forward to dancing aim. A special dance for all the zeros. [snorts] Whenever he says page o strength the glory is her she cloaks herself and she laughs. It's like that old expression he who laughs last. She who laughs laughs. What is the definition in the context of Let's see what this says. He le She gives permission. I hope everybody who came tonight got permission. You did. Good for you. I know some of the guys don't want to hear this. If not, honey, I need you at home. I need you at home. I need you to help out with the kinder, but I want to go learn. So, you make her feel guilty now. Uhhuh. Right. She gives to go learn. that type of so she needs to know she's autumn when Raka's wife was trying to get to Rabbaka and people were musling her out she wasn't able to get there since they said Rebeeka said Shali Shal it belongs to her. She gave me she had encouraged me. I'm only able to do what I'm doing says because she is my she's my partner and the the promise that women have zenessor like it says they're at ease, they have peace and they have tranquility. You know what's nice? You know what the advantage of a asyle has when she sends her husband to learn? If the husband if the besides is out of the house that's a zik if if the if the husband I'm not saying ends if the husband doesn't learn the whole time right >> she's a good >> she doesn't lose any any of his she gets the credit I sent you to learn for an hour so my credit is that I sent you my mirus nefish was an hour I maybe you didn't learn for the whole hour that's on you not I don't lose out. [laughter] >> I don't lose out. Right. She gets credit, but she was Mo. She has to be at home alone. It's boring. It's lonely. Right. She and and he she sent them to learn. They don't sleep in this world. for the next world. The the person has clothing. What are they? They're the mitzvah. Like says in the writes that when a person does a mitzvah he's with a that comes and surrounds him and when he finishes doing the mitzvah that goes to the next world he puts it away. My used to say it drains a person. So what happens to the life that gets drained? it goes to the next world. You're siphoning off your through to become [laughter] it's what it's mate what it takes away and makes weaker but not disappearing it's transferring it's transferring it over tot says says is the mitzvah like it says that through a mitzvah a person's a person glorifies the so the woman is a with her husband in his in his She can't do what she wants. A woman why one of the reasons that a woman does not do mitzvah say is because the time that she has is not her time. She's masha to her family. She's masha to to be able to take care of the is on her ma. is not free even when a woman is single. But that's the mitas of a woman whether she's an ammon or but she's mushed. Why doesn't she have to have a mitzvah of because she's married and the husband comes first? >> She has to but the husband comes first. >> The husband comes first. Jazz the husband comes first and for the husband also his wife comes first when his father mothers >> not when she's married husbands come first neither do you wife comes first you know when that p was written >> it was written in the beginning of Bacius before there was a >> because didn't have parents right and yet the says when it says brought they became one the next says I'm telling you this now in bacius when I created from to tell you that they're one unit and they're the most important to each other. Let me get off the subject for a minute. Let's already mention one. Mayor, wait a second. Okay. >> Mayor Mayor, your wife, not your parents. I'm sorry. She comes first. >> I don't understand. She doesn't have at all or when the husband's not when she's not doing it. If it's not a steer, if it's not a steer, if it's not a steer, if it's not a steer, but if it's a if it's a then then the husband comes first the makes a mistake. We'll get we'll get it's this week's makes a big mistake. Thank you. Last year, I think it was in November where we had this little symposium with Rabbi Corin and with I think um Zev Lamb and we we did it last year. So one of the kadushim that came out of that of that I think it was a thanksgiving day shir that we gave on shalom was the following which is noteworthy note that it's a healthy deviation the makes a very big mistake the makes a toast we have a spouse and we have children and family relatives. Family relatives are blood relatives. Your mother, your father, your brother, your sister, your son, your daughter, your children, your siblings, your parents, they're blood relatives. That's a mitus of a relationship that's not tully in anything other the fact than that's the reality. That's my brother. It's blood. That's my sister. That's my father. That's my mother. That's our children. That relationship is not based on any decision. Whether you like it or not, that's who they are. >> Can't choose family. >> You can't choose family. No, you can't. It's a mitz. [sighs] Husbands and wife make a big toast. They think and they treat because my spouse is supposed to be the most most the closest person and that relationship takes precedent over all others. So, right, they're my closest blood relative. It's not true. They're not your blood relative. They'll never be your blood relative. It's your chosen relative. It's the relative you chose. Like when your daughter's going to get married, Bess Hashem, she's choosing him and he's choosing her. The relationship is based on a decision that two people made a decision that we are going to be together. The decision is what bonds them and the bond is as strong as the decision. As much as that decision is this is what I'm doing and we continue supporting it meaning you continue choosing it becomes the strongest relationship but never does it become a blood relationship a blood relationship you can't stop being someone's brother and you can't stop being someone's sister you can't be stop being someone's child but unfortunately there is a way of stopping to be a husband and a wife there is a way of breaking that up the arrive that. Why? Cuz it's a decision that put them together and it's a decision that keeps them together. They're the closest because they chose to be together. But they're only the closest if they invest in that decision. And that's why you can have a husband and wife that brought a wonderful marriage for many, many years and all of a sudden it's turning sour because they're not working on it. Because it's only as health. There's no such a thing in a husband wife relationship as well. We're related like blood. Name. It's not like that. The mitsus is not like that. The energy is not like that. The reality is not like that. It's our closest relationship because we chose it. And in order to keep it the closest relationship, it requires the investment to continue. That's the beauty of a marriage. But taka when it's the way it's supposed to be, it's the closest relationship without being blood. It's the closest relation. But it because it's not blood relation, it needs the investment, the constant input, the constant um you know the constant affection and love and caring that a husband has to do for a wife and a wife has to reciprocate for her husband. Do you know who is good at this and sor the saysoi says I think we mentioned it last year or two years ago was the I think it's says he measured his purpose was to keep for the if a went people were burying their backyards a would walk through a backyard become the and saw also. So Benoi went around and he marked off all of the graves says one of his was also one of the a person's nif as long as he's alive you don't know who he is what he is where he's holding what you know what he accomplished by the end of a person's life you can shuts him up you know shots him up means to say you can now evaluate him thank you you can evaluate him so he didn't just measure to the physical grave. He would shat up every single person that was buried in Basra. He came to the caver of Adam and Yitz and Rifk and Aram and he came to measure the graves. He wanted to go into Aram and Sor. He found Elezar Ev. He asked Rashus Elzar, "Let me find that out. I'll get back to you." Comes back out. He says, "Ara and Sarah said, you can come in." He walks in, says the Gimar, and he sees Sor and embracing. There's no Yates. The moral is Mazbar. It shows the accomplishment of Adam and of of Ara and Sor how united they were. Did Ara and Sor ever disagree >> or did they disagree? When she said, "Get that kid out of my house." She said, A was so upset. Do you know who figured that out for them? Theisha himself. And I assumed that it had to go to the Aisha. There was nobody in this world that can figure it out. Did they disagree or did they disagree? Did it become a fight? Disagreements don't have to become. When people have good mid and they're respectful of other people's opinions, even though they don't agree, it doesn't become a fight. They respectfully disagree. The perfection of a man and a woman dapka comes from the fact that the aer is koi. It's not what we would think. It's not sometimes what we want. It's not how we do things. Just because it's not what I want, who says I shouldn't have the patience, the understanding to accommodate? The only way a marriage works is when each person has mid to. The only way to get me this type is when you disagree with somebody and you know how to have the balance of knowing how to disagree. When you agree with the person, everything is what's the problem? It's all hunky dory is get it's everything is fine. You want to know when there's a misunderstanding. We don't understand. And you mention it's dka this way. And where was Aam and Sor buried? What's it? It says, "What's what is what's the one is this one? Where's the other? Where's the sire?" Ganed Ganed. That's why other are there because they were kicked out of Ghana. They're placed at the doorway. This is the derk to Ganed. The kadesh says that every that leaves this world has to get in to goes to get a pass like a boarding pass. That's you get a pass to go on there >> is there and is there because it's thanks to them that they go in. That's right. >> That that's by to make sure you don't go to gehenn. But listen to this on the derek into ganed. What do you have? You have the first couple. You have a sor because their relationship got them to ganed. The der to ganeden is the egg. That's the through working it out and a and were so much together that when walks in they're embraced that's s but she was there and he was there how did that happen but it happened that's what he saw so is a with says the that's the because she's totally herself and like from her husband. Let's read this little more one more piece over here. She's gonna laugh. This is a very famous state that menor come back as a gilgen women do not come back. This is I read it for you right over here. It's here and you can look it up. He brings the mo. This is Don't ask me questions. This is she's here. She's not coming back again. God said at last a man can come back as a woman because if he didn't do his job but a woman >> that's her interpretation. Now let's go to Zion. Like I said in two places talks about this time he talks about it in regards to and like we're saying and are one. So what is and let's take a look in par letter V. We'll do some excerpts from this piece. The fact that was a zen is itself a medish says the first noted here. He went to a city called Maml. Every person in the city had black hair. You know what that means? [laughter] cuz they weren't getting older. >> They were young. >> They all died young. >> Bas are you from the house of Ay's [clears throat] household died by the age of 40. You know who came from a and rava was nifa by 40. >> Yeah. Everybody in the city, everybody in the city had black hair. There was no white hair in the city for us. He didn't say beappela. You know what metapo means? Get involved. Don't just write a check. Get involved in saddaka. Get on to a a aid organization and do something. do something. Get involved and then you'll be where do we have that? It brings a from [clears throat] was old because was the cuz he didn't just do his whole was always just to help other people. That's the secret to his ziknah continues the medish one explanation of wasu. The second explanation says the medish which the zeramin quotes is shel the as of is rabbitson and the tyra notes. You're going to laugh. Why the med just said Even if a person is learning with the left hand meaning not for the necessary still how did how is he as we started in the how is he to all of the good we saw in the pik save of the zen says anything and everything that a person can ever want in life. How did he get it? Because he had two women in his life. His those were his two women. With these two women, he was busy his whole life. Those two complemented each other. Let's see a little bit. He doesn't say what's bothering him. However, we have two different responsibilities. Number one is number two is says the There is an Indian of O and there's an Indian of there's an Indian of Pmius and there's an Indian of of ofus. He's going to explain in a minute. In mitzv there's an Indian of pmas and an Indian of explains the is four lines downra who the mitzvah learning is understanding and learning the essence of doing the mitzvah is the that's in general When a person learns but he just doesn't learn superficially but he learns inside the he learns the of and that's called the is the sovas there's a mitzvah next paragraph which is the and there's the which is Pmius says the zerosim when the abisher gave the tyra to the world. The malim had a they said keep the upstairs and the terret he said is are you the mitz the way we are. Do you have a father? Do you have a mother? Do you have a yates? Do you have misitz? You don't. We can be mim our mitzvah with our goof. You don't have that. That's what we all know. But says the you should know there's something else that we have that they don't have. Take a look at second column middle paragraph. Last words on the line. They can't be the way we do at the top of the page the on that column he says that come from a higher place. is created from a higher place than a malik and therefore he can learn and it becomes delay. The way a man and a woman become the laborer. So too a man with his becomes it's his and that's why the and that's why the gave us the our destiny and our accomplishments in life says the comes working with these two our wives and the and they're not a steering to each other. They're in sync with each other because when you have an asy a fizzy and she wants you to do what her counterpart her as your other they complement each other and together you have and that's the that's where are buried when a person lives his wife with these two as his nisha and the tyraisha with his with his wife together with the tyraisha that itself brings a person to where a and sor were buried where the pes and that's the of this called it's the and the where every single one of us go through before we go. Our go onto that path through the derek of the other to be able to be [gasps]