Rabbi Yossi Spira Shovavim Shiur - Things your Chosson Rebbe didn't tell you

Okay, so let me introduce you introduce myself to you guys. My name is Azi Spiro. I was a started off as a reb when I got married because I had too many friends who got divorced unfortunately. So I decided to do my part to try to help out whatever I can. You can put your your little drop in the bucket. And then we went there to got married. I went to and uh you know I became a customer after I was married and I went to and uh I learned callis for eight and a half years then I started my own for young like newlyweds and then that branch out into a shul I had a shul for a couple years and I had to sh and doing that I ended up um dealing with young couples they end up dealing with child bias automatically young couples have a lot of issues getting along and things. It's a rough uh beginning ride and that I started doing pressure course introduce your pressure course and shi pressure course and that uh developed into uh I did she as a rv I did a sheimish under and I did under he's the guy of Melbourne now he was in >> I know and uh >> I'm from Melbour Okay, welcome welcome and uh he became famous that whole fire and uh he was famous there and um and then we did many other silver and I did a lot of fertility course and marriage but I did a lot of stuff being involved in the so doctors and different things to get the young couple issues to help as much as I can then back to my so now we're here we're learning marriage therapy marriage not therapy marriage counseling and uh I want to thank you so much for coming. Thank you so much for the highly for inviting me to come speak to the to the holy in my share some thoughts based on my experience that if the people over the years answering Shilas and marriage if people would had a little guidance beforehand they could have saved them so much heartache and so much trouble. So I thought uh it would be good to just publicize that experience and uh maybe you could be protected yourself and save from yourself from so many shilas and marriage shilas and get along in in this world. So I'll start off I'll do like this hookas little husida interesting shilas that could have been prevented so much stress and pressure and marriage gets involved because of the stress of nida and then I'm going to try to do if we have some time some things that people unknown people based on the question they were asking they would had a little guidance before and they would have saved themselves a lot of heartache and then a little bit and wrap it up a couple of minutes we have left over here so basically like Um feel free to ask any questions. If it's a personal question wait till the end ask privately but uh if it's any question it wasn't clear please feel free to ask. So okay. So you have to understand that is a it's hugging and kissing any affectionate touch or any affectionate thing that you do breaking is most of it is is of that means if I tell you to hug your wife when she's or you take a bullet to the head you're obligated me to take the bullet and every person is a need until they go to the mik. to every single girl who you know a lot of problems with engaged couples. It's a it's she's a she went to the mikvah. So there's people people don't cop this and this is you see people by by and the pictures and obviously she's says when she actually has a baby and they breaking rules it's severe severe so and you're in public so you don't want to show off that you don't know what you're doing. So it's just a good thing to know that to to verify. So a little bit of anatomy to know what the the is the way it works is like this. This hamach here's a hamage. This is called uterus. This is basically larger than life. This is where the baby is created. And this hamach over here this part is called the endometrium lining. Endometrium lining is where the dam comes from. Everything else if there's if you look at it closely you notice that it's always open. It has people think you're breaking through. You're not breaking through. It's always open about 3 mm. That's the whole sh of lady behud if you're going in from externally coming in to the uterus with a device with the utensil with doctors their tools they're coming in. So if it slides in less than 3 mm then you're not doing anything. You're not expanding the uterus to open it to push says that nothing comes out of the uterus. So if you put something in from the from this side then you can get in easily. If it's a very thin device, some a lot of microscopes they want to check out after birth it's instead of using these uh the DNC um and I'll say what device they use they use very invasive devices they basically scratch out the whole baby after miscarriage or anything else they take this and they basically shovel out the whole uterus and that's scratching out the whole uterine lining and anything that's left instead of doing that and sometimes it could affect the second time they get pregnant if they do that it's very aggressive. So it doesn't it makes the whole way way is that the the fallopian tube the the the ovaries have all the eggs and that once a month the egg comes in there 14 days before the period exact am 14 days before the period that's when the the egg releases and then if there's a shed between the the the male and the female it it it's kind of embryo and if it attaches itself to the endometrium lining that's a pregnancy 9 months later it'll have a baby but if it doesn't it's a little mini death that's why it's such sever the kadesh in last week's par says that the is the the the ofida is worse the worst t in the world the the the pale says by mistake you touch you have to wash the ram says you shouldn't be in the same tent as as the rabbit says if you're in the same room as an you can't do in the day your tummy it's a severe if you look at a at a mirror she can make blood coming out of the mirror it's it's severe in in basically it's mini death. It's a little she it's a little death because it's a potential life that could have came and it got released and it didn't connect. So know that the is only with our comes from the uterus out into the vaginal canal called the whatever you want to call it. But even if it doesn't come externally if it's internal that is even a tiny drop because whatever it is but if lot I'll tell you this is very important but externally on the underwear on the legs or anywhere it falls out the blood comes out even if it's from the uterus it's not it's not it's only if it's the size of a grist it's a grist if it's colored or if it's uh if it's not the right eyes if it's not the right color. There's different different that they gave if it felt external. All these that you hear of is only if it's felt external. If it's inside even at size of a tiny drop, I've had so many shas it's less than a and that question is such a mistake because a tiny drop the first if anything's inside a tiny tiny drop that you can hardly see with your eyes. You need a loop to tell what color it is that is a curse. Now what does it come to play? Um I'll tell you something happened this week happens once basically for whatever reason someone put something inside right whatever it is the the husband is trying to talks about this to use the fingers to to to help the wife with the mitzvah and it came out bloody. So right away they call they have no one to call they call the rabbi. Now the problem is usually I did training right when I got married. It's very easy course you can become in two days. It's a course you can take get certified by any rebi and they give you basically people are not very qualified. You just need to get get the cousin to the wedding. That's all you need to do basically. It's not so posh because they end up using you as your r as your mentor as your your marriage therapist and they use you as your lifesaver. But they're not qualified people. That's the problem. So I tell you what sometimes what happens to not qualify when I get the sh is that the the rebi here's the but there's a little background to it. What's the background? Uh basically there was blood on my finger and the said there's blood on your finger. Okay fine so doika. Now if there's blood on the finger it means the finger is inside so he's out. I don't care how big it is. He said yeah it was less than a grist so it's just doika to make sure that whole that's what we told him. So the whole premise doesn't make sense. It was less than a grizz that's only a heter for fell externally less than the size of a penny. But inside you don't have any any room for leaving a tiny drop of it out. So there's no basic. So he said find to make sure. So he gave it to me to check. So is if some the whole if you know that a guy's married to and he's asking if you're not allowed to answer him because if you say it's mut he's going to be with a so he's not allowed to be with a gusha. So, so a kan can't be married to a person who's divorced. So, you can't answer the sh says say don't answer the sh it's not so. So, basically I said who told you to do this? I speak spoke to and basically said yeah it's not a problem because it's less than aggress and this guy's teaching right so this is this is one of the thousands of things over the years that happened and recently I had another thing so so another time similar thing happened blood on his finger but her finger also on the leg whatever it is less than a gris less than a gris doesn't matter if it's it went something went internally so it's a problem that's the size of so he said that the said that that uh you're for sure out so that you're >> sure for sure done but that's postures right that's also not so good [clears throat] and ask a quality if you have like a real question medically you're going to ask a doctor went to residency went through real things you're going to ask a qualified person even for you're not supposed to you're supposed to make sure you're going to know as you ask one of someone who went through the whole way to do his experience is don't get to her right away. You want to find out, you have an option either to to do to or you could find out she's pregnant. Why is she bleeding? Or she's she's during her day 15. Why is she bleeding? You shouldn't be bleeding. Healthy people shouldn't be bleeding. So maybe it was a scratch. If you pass your fingers inside, maybe a scratch. You can find out if there's a scratch inside here. Even at the ser this is considered the cervix. Even though if you look at it, it's actually one piece of the uterus. But it's if it's a scratch from here, it's externally that is a just like you have a scratch on your hand doesn't make your need that is not going to make your nether. So so you send it. So I sent him if he wants you to go to go to and they send back a letter signed to the rabbi. They said, "I see over here that uh the the the discharge coming out of the out of the the cervix, which means the the canal that goes through till the uterus is clear, but I see a scratch on the on the top the edge of the the cervix here and there's two scratches there. And I when I touch it with a with a applicator with a large Q-tip, it blood comes out immediately. So it's a dam. So that is for sure you could be Tyler that the blood you could be prepend the blood came from she's fine with the gun we go back so who's qualified not all the time to speak to there's beautiful out there but that's something good to know now even inside so they put something a color a black utensil the one inside over here and it came blood on it but it's black so color is not is not a problem again even if it's color you take a a black cloth you put it inside blood comes out she's So even hanging off of it but if you can see it was born in it. Yeah. But it's color is a hat only for external but this is I I tell people all the time people married for years they went to one went to one they didn't address this point and the rest of life there was a need. Another common uh misconception is that for a lady who's staying has different things the the gives a you do not have to do 16. Why I say 16 is why there's twice a day for seven days and then to start the seven days you have to have something called a halfik that's the day before and you do a of day the beginning day to see if you qualify to start the seven days. So a total of 16 you say a total of 16 mikas they're not going to make a mistake what the father was saying I'm going to do I'm going to tell you the basic mistake was that they said uh you can do after birth you can do a half sick one and seven so he said okay so I did aika day one half sick and then I did day seven and went to mikvah this is very common I did day one and day seven which was really day one it was half sick and day six that's all it was so I did one mika on day And uh so okay it said hik is day one I did hik and day seven which is day six we did one comes out did wadika on day six she is a full-blown nida and the problem is she's pregnant what do you do now 6 months later he heard what do you do that's a big sh you call your kid a benida and zak says they have terrible midas and yashka had was a benita and a mamzer uh so that's why he wants the dar wasn't the whole famous. So what do you do now? So it is not so how to deal with it. But there these are severe things that happens very very often unfortunately. So I'm going to start moving real quick if something's not clear. That's just to note make sure you're asking someone qualified. So a lot of tell the the the the college also say those ladies should only wear black underwear. It prevents from anxiety. Now the problem is like this. If you have the mer says if you have any staining cuz I don't know there's any staining. I got calls middle of the night many times that he's in the shower cleaning himself off and there is blood on her. What does he do now? Number one is she's a leader cuz he was inside and number two is he's car and this is very very serious. Now what was the problem she's on birth control she was staining whatever it is her because he knows that tomorrow is the day you know it's day 30 before he says goodbye. So usually it's sort of like a balloon. It's not really it's muscular tissue. It's not a balloon that pops. The way it works at the end lining falls apart and it falls out. But you can have here uh a lot of blood and towards the end if if you have any friction or any uh [laughter] you know internal uh pushing whatever aggressive thing that pushes over here then it's going to cause the drip to come out. That sometimes could cause a bleed. So now if the blood came externally it would have been fine and safe on the tissue. externally named but since something went inside it was out. So now the problem is like this. If he didn't know he's says it's not a problem expects but he wasn't cuz he saw he saw it was dripping a little bit blood but it was less than a gris. It was less than a penny. So she's she's for she's not for you have to wait 24 hours or doik. So a lot of say doika. If you do bika when you're staining for sure say goodbye before you stay in bed because if she's staining you do you're out the army there's no child in it you're going to be fine. So what they they good advice to do is wear light colored underwear. So if you're white colored now before I tell you mixing the underwear a lot of colored underwear have on it because it's made of anti-semites they put on right by the place or anything they put on a white cotton thing for protection and for breathable but that mamage covers a whole area where it could make her out. So that's not a good idea. either color it in or cut that piece out. I've got many shilas that you have color underwear and ruin their vacation because it was a lot of staining and she was need on the beautiful vacation to the Taj Mahal wherever they were. So that could be a problem. >> You say you say every time there's a stain you should wait 24 hours. >> So they're moisturized to wait 24 hours. So So a stain of red. If it's a stain that's light brown and it's not a color that's us or you can't even have not a problem. Although it might mean that this period is coming soon, but you don't have to worry. You're not calm. You have to worry about it. If you see that there's any red coming out, just wait. Don't do you can either do but then you just say goodbye. So just either wait just wait a while it could be even from the morning to the night a long span of time as throughout they'll let you say hey you ready stop you don't have to worry anymore and that's that. So >> and then or >> no no no that's it and you're good writ like to say he says before after you pass after you pass everything you have to every time before we don't do that is because these days many places say since ladies are very fragile and the more you do she's going to irritate the place and you get a lot of wounds and you never be able to get a hick not die. So it's therefore I say though don't wear black underwear cuz if you see it you see discharge you see shine you don't know what color it is you're not going to be able to you have to abstain cuz you have to assume it might be red why how do you know what it is but and come out and have a whole shadow you can tell if it's >> if you could tell if you could dab a tissue and you can see the color that's light brown then you're fine if some it dries you don't know no you know so there are unfortunately many horror stories that in the bal was very terrible poor quality mikas so the lady decides just wear color underwear the whole time and she just didn't have a period for and the husband doesn't know it comes from Thursday night to to shab Sunday night and he had no clue that he was she assumed that she's you know you got to trust her so that was a big problem so you have to make sure that that doesn't happen so weird light color on the you can tell what color is if it's a color red so then wait a little bit don't do vika and in general when you're staining lady staining don't do vika even if you're mil and I'll tell you my wife's staining how many vikas I have to do I tell people do one four and seven because he sick one four and seven. Why four? Because four is gets you out of the zone because if you miss by mistake if it got to do seven there's what to what you could start either from four you can start day one you count day one from four otherwise you have to wait another six days to attach the one and the seven or there's other coolers you could do if you have two within 5 days there's whatever there's a lot to play with if there was two done from one to within a span of one to five. So it's one and four not one and three because one and three we're very mach the first three days of to get out of the inas and different things. So just one four and seven I don't know have to be one four and seven is good to know. Now a little word about uh how to [clears throat] know when the period is is very complicated. Some ladies have also an explosion. It's mash they used to have a period in an hour a certain hour of the day. Which means the reason why we say they no moreasha today say many say is because the periods came out in one massive flow. They have a certain hour that came out. You have a massive tsunami coming out they'll feel it. You have a trickling trickling and trickling it's not going to come out. So when is it considered a period? There's a big difference when it's considered a period and when you write on the calendar when you did that when it's considered a period what I usually say is you take three size of three fingers size of a credit card you put it you see a credit card three times in a row that size of a credit card generally if you have a size of a credit card on on a on an underwear or anything even on a pad roll up it might be considered a period that that's a time to wear until then it's just staining it's not considered a period that's a good way >> a lady who has a light period go their whole life not [snorts] having >> so there are I I' I've had ladies who had very very light periods and they they whatever it could be a sign of PCOS it could be a lot of different signs of different fertility issues but they wanted a they just they never needed just and they had to wear a pad with staining it was always less than aggressive that was the period when someone they got that sh most it's not a period but she wanted to make a mik before she has a baby so she she how she become an ether So I said or get an imagin ladies keep getting usually and or or she can do and when she's staying go to the mikvah anyhow >> can't make a braha she wants to make a bra on the mikah you can't go >> to make a you have to be bad yeah can't just so she she she I told her doika when she's standing and she did it and she got a good good bread and then she she got pregnant rather it was a interesting mahal but it's not common it's very it She has to go to the mix of esophic or she goes to the microbes esophic or she doesn't go to at all. >> She never had to go >> never go. She mean before once usually PCOS works that if you have a period you take a birth control you release the birth control and she has a period and it makes her ovulate. That's one of the ways to deal with PCOS. It's PCOS. PCOS is basically this follicles are basically traffic jam that doesn't let the the the eggs come out. There's a lot of stuffing there. It's different. It's a cyst. whatever it is, it's many different things to do treatments. One out of three people have it. It's very either sporadic periods or very little periods and sometimes they don't know cuz before they get married they have a lot of different um uh that are controlled when they get the period. So therefore, it's not uh it's not known. But but if you have uh once once they they have their baby, they just let let things go as you know ready for another baby, they're not getting a period for 3 4 months. Usually generally it's PCOS or they're having per two periods a month. Something could be endometriosis. There's many different things. I'm just going to cover a lot of ground. Uh we got to move. So let's let's move on. Um so like this. So another another interesting thing to know about birth control. Um to be on birth control says that Miaiml says if you are you stop anyway not being and there's many mitz having children you know once you have a boy and a girl is you're you're holding back mashiach and you hold back mashia cause a lot of stress in Iran and Trump whatever it is so it's your fault so ask before you decide and not decide you call which one you should use it's also know someone who knows about birth control because it cause a lot of issues and stating hormones tell you the issues of birth So um it's a good thing to know if your wife is taking birth show with the head of the rug. So then you should know that antibiotics a lot of ladies get UTI in general it's good to know UTI comes generally from not a doctor that's an experience if they don't clean themselves off well after being together that could cause UTI. UTI is urinary tract infection has nothing to do with there's no UTI inside here. It's [music] the infection of the bladder. So UTI it's not going to be in here but they it causes bleeding because it causes pain and it causes it cause fever. So they take antibiotics. They take antibiotics. Antibiotics causes staining. If you're on birth control causes staining stomach and a lot of antibiotics can make the birth control non effective so she can get pregnant. It's a good school to get pregnant on birth control when she's on antibiotics. Be very careful when you're antibiotics. thing birth control. This method of birth control is called uh suppositories of spermicides which is in Israel they call it nama they call a suppository they call it because it brings a lot of shamas down to the world which is very non effective at stopping the uh nail to get through but there are different ones that you could do they have much better effective one that speaks doing that's the most hologically best type is that um I'm not going to go in order cuz I just want to do a lot of other things I'm going We go a little bit quickly right now. So um you not handle any wax or dough making before she the daily going to the mikvah. Also this comes often have after the mikvah is a very very big problem. There's wax. Why? They wax the legs. They wax different parts of the body and sometimes they get stuck. There's also to do to do waxing the day you're going to a wedding because wax gazer might come off handle day going. I'm sorry. They're going to Yeah, it is a wedding cuz your mom is coming. I'm sorry. You're right. Correct. >> U if a brace gets stalker happens gets jammed. What to do? There's if it's loose enough, you go into the ma with it. Make sure it's clean though. Um so now this uh birth control a lot of issues in intimacy uh one of the main issues is because it's a lack of uh ladies desire. It's one of the biggest issue that uh people come to me or speak to me about is the wives have no desire to be together which comes from it's a massive s usually a very personal independent uh thing but it could be generally from part of it could be from birth control. Uh that definitely is the one of the about birth control. Hashem wants people to have more children. So he makes it very difficult for people to be in trouble long term. Um I'll get to that in a minute. But something about tights, tights also maybe antiites tights, stockings, whatever you want to call it, they come with either beige or black, whatever color you're wearing. And right by the crotch is usually white. So that also is a whole shelves. If it goes through one color cloth and lands on that, if it's a massive sha either don't cut it out because your wife will kill you, it's going to ruin the tight. You can put you can color it. So you can color with a marker and it's good. There's other if it happens there's arium because some there's parts of ruba. It's maybe not considered. It's also plastic. It might be disposable cuz always getting snagged in it. But there it is. It could be a problem that you're going to a hotel for a vacation. Everything is white. Now you're not allowed anything white. You should not have you're not allowed to. It's a good not have anything white in your house if you're married, which is I give examples. It happens all the time. Went to the hotel and they're wearing a robe that's white and have a stain on it. Goodbye to the vacation. All the sheets and all the pillows and everything there is all white. They do it for cleanliness to bleach it. So just practical but it just ruins a lot of people's shamb. And also uh there were a lot of people were taught when they got married but to have a white towel over a pillow when the beer shine up and then they do that the rest of their life. That is illegal. You should not be doing that. You should not putting a white towel under yourself. That's what they told me. That's how you be together. You should not be doing that because that could cause a lot of shi problems because it catches all the stains. I'm not trying to get them out. It's a mitzvah that ladies want to be very liberal. They want to let a lot of they want to let ladies want to light. What a bra. It's a big ladies like to be like a man. There's one mitzvah we don't have. They have says a mitzvah for ladies to wear colored underwear during the clean days. So the mitzvah they have we don't have we don't have mitzvah where the time got is also okay but they have a special mitzvah that they can wear colored underwear that's be doing to whatever they do comes on rug rugs and carpets rugs carpet might be is not because attached to the floor but a rug a white rug nice white plush rug that could be a problem white towels tampon is the biggest killer ladies go to work out they don't want to wear a pad they wear a tampon tampon is a cotton thing they put inside now Again, you put inside she can stain a drop, a tiny drop that comes on the tampon and she's out. Not that use tampons at all. Even though Kalista should be using tampons to help them understand how to do aika because a lot of unfortunate as many piskin what the answer to this sh is. If you you ask the would love to know the answer. A lot of kalas can't get their finger in because of basulim they do half half a nail half a nail. According to all pis basically it's not a bodika it's nothing. So she never did a half she never did the only the kala goes to the kapa and she's a fullborn leader. So that is a very big problem. spoke to Kal teachers the head k teachers in in wake the ones who trained k teachers spoke to the one of the heads in say no they they have a whole mahalak how to get up to the second knuckle even kas so this is a big problem so there's not many that they have to do what they can it's not going to say you can't you can check a lemon tell so that is a big sh just do chuba but uh that is something to a lot of cult say they start the kas on tampons but that's it once you mar should not using tampons Besides the health, they're not so healthy to have the period on holding. It's contaminated. It's uh it's toxic, but uh it's just can cause a lot of shambage problems. Now, the slippers anyway. So, that is I have a whole intent. I actually wanted to I had a business part. I wanted to do this to make a underwear based on says if something's a pleated underwear where it has a stitching on it, that's considered two separate beard. So if you have make a white underwear that's accordion you know accordion is like a bunch of pleats and then it falls even if km falls on a stain falls on that and it's let's say size of two pennies if you open it up it's going to be a bunch of chopped up pieces that would be that would help you I spoke a lot about them they like America they're very m they don't like it therefore the business partners investors said I'm not investing it cuz they're buying shut it down but uh if you have a good idea start a business sell it on Amazon make a lot of money uh in our so I guess we don't buy it. So let's move on to to other shers. It's getting late. Uh any question before we continue? >> Yes. So that's says that that's considered to be if it's either a fold or it's stitched that can be two separate on skin it is. That's something good to know. People if you have a bunch of little stains on the leg less than a penny but the or the arm itself you hold one big body and less often hold if the wife is beautiful the picture might look something like this and very tan body so that that's colored so it's a so maybe that could be or maybe like this people on the plane also the big shot on the plane but the whole shot a toilet seat is not let's go like this but if you if you're on a plane the plane is detached from the ground. It's a flying tuna can and you have it's a white there. So if the wife has a stain on that that could be a pal because it's not attached to the ground. It's attached to the ear. So the hat there is because usually these things are contaminated with who knows what. So you could say it's H but antibiotic but let's move on. Uh so so like this um let's talk a little bit about um let's see if there's anything more um you tell there's big fights shi happens don't I told you not to look at the let's why looking this causes major shai problem generally a lot of times even if they look they're not going to get out it's not something to worry about so much however um I always tell the guys when they get into the fight next time you go use the bathroom don't look when you wipe just try and next thing you even blow your nose. You know what I'm saying? You're looking anyway and and we have Mr. Sha not to look at things and you know we have not you tell her not to look she's going to look so chill out and by the way it's not going to be a problem. Just tell not to look because we don't want to get nervous. It's also she sees blood so you see blood then you abstain from tashmish for a while till it stops staining and then move on. Uh another good important thing is I saw unfortunately so many miscarriages in the young couple. Some say it's because of corona. Some say it's because of the vaccine of corona. Whatever you say, but there's a lot of unfortunate unfortunately they do a lot of miscarriages. But um I told they they asked me before uh should they go to a nail salon? They have to go to nail salon. So nail is an Adam bomb of need the nails says anybody who steps over need the nails nails that were cut from an eida or the hair that they comb for the I could show you here if you want the they call the comb for the mikba that here that falls down and the it's a ladies have here to comb that's all here I'm sorry but they say it's from the z says they have here you combing they say no they comb until everything comes up it hurts a But is on the head but it's a real thing not to have do it also help but [snorts] says the lady I think not allow cut here at all the head here they be whatever it is but anyway so so the here the nails even a man the B even the husband husband who walks over it is it can die it's dangerous it's the the least thing is he can go crazy he get anxiety he get all these Stom nails nails of a lady with a need. So a lady who's a need who cuts her nails that's dangerous even for men. Now a lady who's pregnant it's dangerous for to step over any nail any nail they step over say he goes to a different room but it's a different room or a different house or if it was intended to go that place maybe it's not considered and I see unfortunately so many miscarriages and say that the miscarriage is the least of issues. Who knows how many issues it could affect the children is hashami. So, so, uh, cuz I had to make sure that you cut your nails only in a sho that doesn't have that ladies don't go to that bathroom. And even people that cut, they cut their nails in the toilet. First of all, nail clippers are spring everywhere above the toilet. Well, and second of all, I had this unfortunately many times, pregnant lady, she doesn't know what to do. She sat on the toilet. He flushed and it floated to the top and his nails didn't go down and she sat over. It doesn't say have to step on it. It steps over. You stay over. Lady goes over it. Even with a wheelchair, be a problem. So, if they need to do the paint the nails, go to a private place or they sweep before. It's getting late. So let's talk about other things and you see sh ladies couple [cough and clears throat] of neither they want to go boxing together are considered whatever it is but uh this whole sh cuz it's a glove and ping bang um weird also afterwards okay so let's move on um [clears throat] so sometimes you're stuck in a row we want to do anything white you want to bait wipes or or I said use use your shirt you have a white shirt use your If you use his shirt while he's wearing it, that's also user cuz he's wearing it. That's something not too. So, as a young Rob, you have interesting things. The best app I always s people go to Rob with the app and let him decide. Type in the settings because it's it's not going to waste time trying to figure out a guy who never thought in his life using AI. Just use the app. Kosher. I have a lot of apps. I'm not kosher. And don't send in on the on the computer cuz I have many pictures I could show you that it changed colors. I actually have white underwear that turned blue and turn white. Different pictures. It is abely fascinating. Okay, so let's move on. Uh almost done. So like this. So basically um the birth control basically a lot of times if your wife has any issues in clotting, you can't be on the the combined pill. There's progesterone and estrogen. The estrogen could cause clotting. That's a big problem. U make sure it's exactly on time. If you miss a couple hours, it can be non-effective and also it can cause heavy staining. So three four hours already. You got to be careful. Um take it as soon as you can and speak to your doctor. Depends what type of birth what type of health hormones are on. Um after birth should start four four weeks right after birth. Um uh progesterone only causes much more heavy staining. The mini pillow that's called gaz. And um uh the the combined the problem is because it it affects if she's nursing it slow down the multiply. The problem is with combined method and estrogen comes in many forms. It could be a newering, it could be a pill, it could be a shot, it could be a patch, whatever it is, that can uh it closing the birth. But if a lady's nursing beautifully, [snorts] no no problems at all. So already after 3 months, I heard from one of the top doctor said it's not he is not a problem at all. Elen staining in general, what's good to know is it's FDA approved. You can take Advil ibuprofen three times a day and that actually slows down the period to you guys that have sick. So you do that no problem. Even if she has problems with clotting, she can take that. It slows down the blood. Take it on day two. The period till day five. You get halfig. You ladies who got doesn't get heaps till day eight. They can get a half sick on day five. Sorry. And um that is good to know. And also something called bioflavonoid. It's a vitamin. It's a vitamin C. 1,000 milligrams till she goes to the mikvah three times a day. That actually helps her get to the mikvah clean. Um that's good to know. So now something [clears throat] called endometriosis. There's a lot of things to talk about. end off a little bit about uh intimacy. Um so a couple of things if you want to go you can go feel free if you want to stay a little bit over I apologize. So like this. So it's good to know as marriage counselor and just being deal [clears throat] this is the mitzvah is a mitzvah mitzvah. There's many I count the one six or seven mitzvah the whole many you don't make a it actually said you should make a shak before because shouldn't make you shouldn't be have any from this world that's what the min people have a coffee with a cigarette want to have from it and it's one of the most he said the highest vac ever had his finishing which gives you a beautiful concept in the of the hy Kite of this mitzvah is one of the most beautiful things that most it's in the keshash the basicash was called the the bedroom of the md was called so that's the the closest a person can get to hashem is that but unfortunately become in the world very disgusting very low so people get married I have a gave me a wife so I can use it I use my I don't have problems with him that's not what it's for it's actually there to get you closer to as possible if you do it correctly if you don't do it correctly the the you see the the where where's the worst in the world. So in general to know if you're going to try to do all your lust and all your tas everything you tried to do since you're born thinking about these things you're going to end up even if you do every ta you want in the [snorts] world you're not going to be satisfied you're not going to be happy if you're not h why cuz if you're not going to have an emotional connection to the m you're not going to be happy no matter what you get you let out all your lust if there's no deep bond connection then you're not going to be happy you never be satisf because just it you realize that there's no end. The way to do it is it's a tool. It's a tool. It's a a you use it to get to a higher level. Most the world sells it as do be a nice husband so you can get whatever you want. That's not is a tool to be have a beautiful marriage. It's it's one of the tools of beautiful marriage. Gifts are a tool. This is also a tool to have. Thear calls a male's organ. It's a thing that creates shalom and bias in the house because it's a it's it's the way to have people will say if you don't have it's not good in the bedroom you're not going to have a good marriage which is a little bit but it really works the opposite way if you don't have a good marriage it's not going to be a good in the bedroom it's got has to be real start off the B says on Friday morning already supposed to show extreme the brings it down extreme Friday morning because Friday night mitzvah is supposed to therefore it starts in the morning starts in the morning so the problem is people don't don't have anybody to talk to us out uh a lot of times if you don't have a good connection with it's a problem. I always say people want to act like an animal. So says act like a so you already it's a reality. So you have to be very careful to be act like a so this um it's very very hard for men to talk about this because it's the ego the ego is my so there's a big ego involved and there's ego involved. So you if you say you're failing that means that you're a loser which is terrible and that causes a lot of pressure and anxiety. Anxiety is one of the biggest causes of uh failure in this Indian. So this is they have to be really really careful to know what you're doing. So there's a couple of things that has to be known is another thing is that people there there's a generation of anxiety. Everybody unfortunately has anxiety. Every other person has I think 50% of America. It's a crazy number in America. And it is a lot of times say has to do with a couple of things that you can do external things that you can do to try to maybe it's coming from a cabalistic uh spiritual uh cause you could try also before and after you're supposed to wash your hands like before and after before going you have to do go to the kar beautiful Indian but also the husband and wife has to cut the even after cutting the nails and haircuts to have them die that if you don't do it it's And it is comes to the person and cause them a tremendous sense of fear and anxiety and says and um it actually if you do a good job in in the bedroom it actually could help with infertility. There are there are the people who called me after they did a refresher course and they said oh wow they were going through infertility and he decided to try this and get some maz nine months later but a lot of times it has to do with uh a lot of stress can he ask someone came to him says he doesn't have children what should you do he says how's your beds what's the direction of your beds said east to west he says okay that's why you don't have children try north the the south says if you have your bed aligned from the head of the bed the pillow of the is by the north then you will have children and you won't have a miscarriage and he did it then he had a child and so it's something to you technically going to be technical you could just align the you can line that the head will be north that there's many reasons why but that is something a good thing to do this is also had unfortunately many times that the don't say I don't know why you have the same effect of doing a kosher a lot of don't say that you could they say you have the lights on why uh also it's covered so why not so that is the gark says that it causes epilepsy and seizures either in the parents or in the child and I said this over a couple of times and uh the guy constantly says his his his a couple of times unfortunately that uh his mother can call him crying that he says uh he has seizures and he want to know why his mother's crying says because my teacher never told me you can't shut the lights and even a candle in the room says one candle on in the room is a problem you don't have a light there's a way to do it you can There's another guy said his kid has seizures all the time and he didn't know this didn't tell him says it's not the it's a big problem cuz why can you say you want to affect have light on in the room one of the issues is >> the light is only right yeah do yeah actual mand but it could come from an external source or it's coming from a bathroom it's not shining directly on them you have the same effect. It could be a room doesn't have to be pitch black. It could be kapal. It's got to be pitch black, but you get the same effect doing it kosher ways say it's not dangerous. This says it's dangerous. So, it's to make sure you be careful about that. Um, and end up with a couple of issues that uh that um that that that the main issues that people have is generally is PE is basically premature ejaculation that they finish too fast or pain. lady has pain or the lady has um a lack of desire. That's generally the there's a lot more issues you have. That is the big problems. The way to deal with this is there's a lot of lots do one thing at a time. So it's to know that it's ideal to be able to be able to last from 5 to half hour but that's the time the actual uh being together um inside. So that is there's ways to do it. People don't know how to do it. people they go for surgeries going for surgery on can make you a daka and theor says you have to get divorced so it's not this you can't do any surgeries without asking you on on your that is something very important to know and even shots for infertility you have to be very careful what you're doing before you uh mess around um and most of it is anxiety most of it is definitely very easy techniques to do um it's [clears throat] really really not a problem at all so this This is something to know that is there is help out [snorts] there and also about low desire. Generally, most of the issues come from uh birth control, but sometimes there's a couple of things I wrote down is usually could be anything from hunger or thirst or overworked or too often or she has a poor body image or she's tired or jumping into bed but you insulted her 3 weeks ago and she remembers it. She can insult you 5 minutes ago but you're excited. You don't care. Forget about it. But the way way it is right she has to removal or emotional fatas can be an anxiety pregnant or nursing can lose the lose the libido is a cyst or lack of iron or magnesium birth control there's many things that cause low libido and that is something that is easily sometimes easily to to correct and a lot of times this pain is after birth um it could be cysts it could be uh a lot of times birth control nursing but it could be uh also after birth sometimes it can happened that he was too excited for being separated for so long. So he was very excited when the first time he was together and then he hurt her because she had stitches and she has trauma from that. They have to do sometimes um different different things or keigull or or pelvic floor therapy and different there's many many things a person easy things to do to get rid of the pain. And uh with that I'll end off with a shi tip that is the the greatest thing to do. I'm skipping on because I apologize for going over time, but uh just a nice little shias tip that a lot of ladies like to insult the husbands and they know exactly where it hurts you and they pull out your low self-esteem. I tell people when your wife insults you, it's not where because she's a bad person. Her brother say, "Yeah, she's a terrible brat, terrible person." But the real truth is she she doesn't even know psychologically. The reason why she's saying things that really gets under your skin is because the the biggest ta even by by by being together the mitzvah she wants to feel secure. She wants to feel safe. And when she does that's why when when when a man sees a beautiful woman it's like a piece of meat. It doesn't get who it is. It could be the biggest su the biggest Hitler. If Hitler was a beautiful lady, a guy would say I want to see this. It's it doesn't matter. You don't really have to have emotional connection. A lady wants to feel safe and secure. That's high of a lady to feel safe and secure. So she sees a strong man with a gun. Oh, he's going to protect me. That's the psychology oversimplifying it. So now when physical strength is not really as important as emotional strength, she sees you getting or all upset and all anxious, all stressed out from a little thing, it kills her security. You break the security wall and she doesn't feel protected. So when you can can can when she bothers you, she says something goes under your skin say I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. and you be calm and you realize that you're you're safe with me and I'm I'm not going to get affected and I'm really empathetic. I'm so sorry by the way. I really apologize. I'm not going to do it again. Even when you are right to apologize and that goes in your skin, then you actually get her excited. Why you get excited? Cuz now this guy's a strong guy. He's my man. He's my safe zone. Show me. It says that the reason why is to to to get excited throughout the actual time. It's not just to to hold back like a like a like a bow and arrow to pull back to get further. It's actual the time of the thing is to amplify. There's five love languages. There's gifts. There's nice words. There's there's there's uh there's acts of service that you can do in but the only thing you can't do is touch. So when you hold back touch, you amplify everything else. If you prove to her that you just love her as a person, not what that she her service that she does for you and that you actually enhance the marriage and you do that it gets you very excited for the marriage to be together and you can manifest all five languages that says it says that it's almost 2,000 years that we've been should take us back with a Full excitement.