Rabbi Yaakov Meth Shovavim Shiur - Navigating Niddah: Answers to the most common questions

So first I want to thank Rosi for the opportunity to uh you know I frequent here Davening but never given a share here so it's a for me um so just to give a little bit you know I don't know if anyone knows who I am you know it's a pretty interesting title r of yeshiva um but uh there is a yeshiva in ars campus rabbi senders yeshiva so I am the rv of the yeshiva um I uh you know well I give the halak there. I give I'm also there and um I've been teaching for the last 9 years [snorts] and um I have from the of so that's a little bit of a synopsis of uh who I am. Um so the point of the Shia really is obviously not to really people shouldn't come out with and the reason the reason is is because is really a very personal thing a question that each person needs to have their personal RV who knows their personal circumstances and um is not just black and white it's not either us or there are times where we are more lenient based on the situation and therefore it's important that a person has their own personal rough they ask their questions who knows um the ins and outs of their situation but the point of the shar is to just go through certain sh common shilas that do come up um in my experience um and just to go through them and and to bring out the shila what what is the shila in it and um and just this way a person can more educated in what um what to ask. Um so the first thing to bring is is a question that very often comes up and that is um a woman who goes to the bathroom and after going to the bathroom she wipes herself and she finds blood on a tissue. So how do we deal with the situation? So the first thing to know is that there are two main requirements, two main conditions um for a woman to become a need. There's a few which are also um relevant but the most relevant the most important um conditions requirements is number one is that she see red blood and number two is that she have a hagasha. Now already in the gimmar the misha brings down that um that there were four shades of red that they said that were considered amnida and as time went went on they lost their expertise in what was considered red this red this specific color of red until they said even in the days of the already they said since we're not experts in the color of red we're going to have to be mati we're going to have to consider need the blood anything which is in the red family. So it's got to come from the uterus obviously and it has to be in the red family. Now even that you know you have a lot of miser what is considered red is pink light pink and that's why it's also very important that a person has a specific r that they ask their questions to because there may be two different ram one will say one color is no good and one will say say a color is good. So um it's not it's not a problem. So therefore um it's important to have the same RV and you you ask the same RV. Um but that is the question is what is considered red but therefore we're going to be anything that's in the red family has a status of red. The second thing is that a woman needs to have she has to have a sensation and that a woman has to have a hagosha. Now the problem is if you would ask most women do they have a hagosha they won't know what you're talking about? How do I know I got my period? I feel feel my underwear wet. Wetness in my underwear. So um the what the say already says this and others after him is that really a woman experiences a hagasha. She's not just not so in tune with her body to know that she that she had that harosa but she actually experiences it. How do we know that she had hosa? We see that she got her flow her flow of her period. That tells us we can assume that that's akim either this is considered or we could assume that she got her period. She got a hagasha with the period. And um what many pkims say is that what would be considered a flow? If a woman sees in the range of a half a dollar bill, some say three three fingers worth a half a dollar bill within a short span of time within an hour or so that we would that we would consider a flow and that would we we would consider we would assume that this woman experienced the harasha. Now there's an there are three exceptions to this rule of needing this half a dollar. Now just just this to um explain one point and that is if she gets this half a dollar bill it doesn't make a difference what she finds it on. She can find it on her underwear. She can find it on the toilet seat in the toilet on the floor. Wherever she finds this amount we assume this came with a harasha. Now there are three exceptions to this rule that even if she would find the smallest amount of blood we would consider her anida. And that is if a woman does ibadika um if a woman urinates and and finds blood after urinating and after tash. And the question is what is the common denominator between these three things? Why is it that we would assume a woman is neither with even the smallest amount and what the pkim say theas and others say is that these sensation the sensation of a woman doing a bad the sensation of going to the bathroom the sensation of of tashmish are very similar to that of a harasha so we would assume that she had a haggosha and even if she tells us I don't think I had argu I experienced going to the bathroom I experienced my finger inside I experienced hashmish we would say who says maybe you actually experienced the harasha you just thought it was your finger. So now we have we're dealing with a suffic dissa cuz there is the sensation of aasha here we're just not sure maybe it was her finger maybe it was actually a sensation of therefore since we have a suffic assume that she had aasha and therefore we're going to consider her anida in these three cases. Now, so aika is pretty clearcut. She did a bad, she finds blood on the so very mahmir on a bad because we're dealing with a disa. If she experienced the hagasha, we know for sure she had a gasha. That would be even the smallest amount. We're just saying today when a woman experiences a flow, that tells us we have we could assume there was a hagasha. But if she actually did a badika, that is the same sensation as a gasha. we have to assume that there was a and even the smallest amount would be a problem. So um therefore when a woman goes to the bathroom and she wipes herself. So if she would wipe herself immediately after urinating so then we have an ashila she she had the experience of urinating which is that very similar to that of a gasha and now she saw blood right afterwards. So that is why there's a big sh is this is is it a problem? And this happens. This is probably the most common sh that that I get from from either husbands or wives when they call me that she went to the bathroom and she wiped herself and she found blood on the tissue. And usually obviously women experience get this usually when they're closer to getting their periods. So generally what the pisk says this and others is that this would only be a problem if it was immediately after urinating. That means if within the place give it amount of 10 seconds or so um if a woman within 10 seconds of your finishing urinating wiped herself and then saw the blood on the tissue. Now we we potentially have a question which there could be other variables which um we would uh throw into the question also but here's the that's where the question begins. Only if she wiped herself within 10 seconds of finishing urinating. Once it's past 10 seconds, we wouldn't attribute would wouldn't connect the dots and say, "Oh, this blood came from that experience, from that sensation that she had from urinating." Cuz we say that there is a distance between the two already. [snorts] And my rebutt he said he never was Matame a woman um from wiping herself after urinating because very rarely the way Raisha says it is she would have to have been the drip the drops of urine would still have to be coming out that she had to run out of the bathroom and um and you know right after urinating that would be the amount that would be what we would consider a shila over here very rarely does it happen unless you know a woman's in the bathroom and she hears her kids crying or fighting or whatever it is that's when we would say um the child really would begin. But other than that, very rarely do we is it that a woman would wipe herself that quickly, especially if when she gets up from the toilet and then she sees the tissue in the toilet, then for sure that there's um that span of time and we wouldn't um we wouldn't say it's a problem. So this is really the sh and again obviously each person needs to ask and make sure that they ask their the sh themselves but very rarely would we say a woman would become tummy from this. Now another thing also to be aware of is when a woman goes to a doctor for a doctor's visit and they do an internal examination whether the doctor has to stick his fingers inside whether there's some sort of um apparatus that they have to stick in. So a person woman first you have to know what type of uh what type of um utensils were used. That's just to know whether we have to assume there was a hagasha. But the pkim do say that one does not have to look to see if anything is on the glove. Uh there's no reason to assume anything and for sure the pim always say when a woman wipes herself she should never look at the tissue because there's no reason to be there's no rises here. Why should we assume anything? Obviously you know it does happen that women that they end up looking but if there's no there's no obligation to look and the same thing when a when someone goes to a woman goes for a doctor's visit she doesn't have to look at the glove. Now if >> if a woman does a beta and let's say there's blood on the particular cloth but she never look she's not coming >> she never if no she's not >> I there was blood there >> well it's only it's only once we see it that we have to assume that that we have to deal with it >> the whole comes from seeing not >> it's not a thing it's we have to seize that there was something there if we didn't see anything then then then she's not So um so that's really and this is a a shil that comes up obviously the badikas come up every month and and going to the bathroom comes up all the time and and going to the doctor also where a woman would go to a doctor's visit [snorts] she definitely does not have to look at the glove to see if there's anything on it. Now if there is something on it then we obviously have to deal with it or if the doctor says I saw something on the glove or even if he says I saw something inside coming out of the uterus then also that would be an issue. says that you might see blood but it's coming from it's not coming from the uterus it's coming from >> from from a mac or something like that. So you could be on the on the doctor even if the doctor is not religious or not Jewish you could also be that the doctor's telling you cuz he has nothing to gain by telling you that. Um now if he could if he tells us that it's not red or something like that that we can't really rely on because even you know even a regular person who doesn't have who doesn't have shimish to know exactly what's considered red we can't rely on. Um so therefore uh we wouldn't be able to rely on that. Um okay so that is just in the realm of a woman becoming a need. Now I wanted to go through a little bit of the Tahara process um because there that's also where most of the shas do come up um uh that that do come up. So the first thing is that um when a woman gets her period so the first thing is that she should um obviously mark it down on the calendar. That is the first thing cuz very often a woman will forget and um she won't mark it down and then she won't remember which even though you could easily backtrack but she sometimes will forget which day was it by day or was it by night she's not sure. So therefore the most important thing is to mark it down right away. Now when a woman gets her period she counts 5 days um from her period. Um the day that she saw her got her period is what we count the 5 days from. um and she counts even if it was a moment before shia that day is counted as day one and you count from that day. So let's say just an easy case to pick she gets her period on Sunday. So we'll count Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Thursday would be the fifth day. Now the do say that even if she saw up until 9 minutes after we consider Sunday as day one it's based on a truth of says that we consider >> [snorts] >> um 9 minutes after we can consider and therefore um we can consider uh it it's the day we can count it as day one. Now on the fifth day before is when she should she should be doing a on the fifth day. Now the place can bring down that closer to is better for her to do the this she shouldn't do it earlier in the day. Now um experience says that women should do it earlier in the day even though doing it from the morning is only avid. I would say let a woman should I spokeen to Kyle teacher also who tells her kas also to do both to even do it by day and in the morning and then do one in the afternoon. I wouldn't say to do both, but I I know this woman is more prone to forgetting. So I would tell her to do it by day in the morning though some in certain circumstances it's it's it's even you're not supposed to do it in the morning but very rare does that case come up and just because I've too many cases have happened where women just forgot to do a hikara and then she all of a sudden remembers after or you know too late to do one that day that I would say it's she should even do one in the morning um because she might forget And really also again this is a personal question. It really depends on a person's situation and you know knowing um their their situation. Um now it's brought down in the should be done from and onward and also we want we want to do it from um with enough time that you can potentially try again. very often on the fifth day. Um it it the first one may not come out good. So therefore may have some blood on it. Therefore we said that we want her to do it early enough that she should be able to try again. Now the basic do say that if she does it um she she um does the badika and it comes out no good. So there's a din that you suppose she's supposed to wait 10 minutes before she tries again. And the reason for that is because if she did this pedika and it came out with blood on it. So what we're going to assume is that her uterus is not obviously blood bleeding. There's no flow. It's just dripping. So if she does the one and then she immediately does another one right afterwards. She's not going to catch that blood this time because she didn't wait enough time for there to be more blood to come out. Therefore, we say that she should wait 10 minutes from one one try to the next. Now this is only if let's say she tried one time and it's [clears throat] 2 minutes before and she uh doesn't have enough time to wait those 10 minutes she can do one immediately afterwards she does not have to wait because it's not brought down in to have to wait those that time. It's the later on that bring it down. Um now even if a woman is not going to go to the mikvah until a later date let's say she's not going to go at the end of the zikim for whatever reason her husband's not home and therefore the say that a woman shouldn't go to the mikvah if let's say her mikvah night falls out Thursday night her husband's only coming home you know mat shabas or something like that then she shouldn't go to the mikvah until the night her husband comes home but she should still do the hefts when it falls out and do the entire process and finish it, complete the process by Thursday night because sometimes you never know sometimes her his business trip could have been is cut early and some for whatever reason he might end up coming home and there therefore it's uh she should really um do it regular are you know in the in the brought down that it might be a sak for a woman to have go to the mikvah without being with her husband the night she goes to the mikvah. So some say she should put a knife under her pillow or weird um her >> like more of a put under a pillow. >> Yeah. [laughter] Right. Yeah. So it's interesting. I heard one some of the pat say you could put a plastic knife also. I don't know. It doesn't say you have to have a metal knife under your pillow. Um so you could put a knife under your pillow or she should wear an article of her husband's clothing over her. And this way for whatever reason you don't have to worry. Now another thing that also comes up is that we said you're supposed to do it before this has to be done before nighttime. What happens if a on shabas a woman is shabas can she still do this? So the Rama brings down um from the chuma sades that the chum sades says that if a woman is mabis she cannot do the heikara um after she's mabas cuz his she he made it she made it kila it's like night night time now even though the sun is out and uh it's still it's right after plugg because you could be mabis and plug on but she made it lila by being shamas now the rama brings down that that is only definitely for example um she did a heig right before she lit candles and it didn't come out good and now she's needs to light candles or it's time or it's the regular man for lighting candles it's 18 minutes before she needs to light so she was going to wants to light and then she wants to do another afterwards the pum says she can do another afterwards because it's only to do it before but this is a situation of [snorts] and therefore she can still do the hectara um after she was mabs. Now um the brings down that the next stage in the process is that a woman should put in a which is she takes a cloth puts it in right before she's supposed to put it in and leave it there until after. Now there are situations where we tell women not to put a um if a woman has a history of the area being irritated or right after birth um we would tell a woman not to do a and it's important that a person ask a shil when to do a because the is only for that we want to make sure that the entire bush is there was no blood coming out of the uterus but since it's only if it's going to be detrimental to her by causing her to bleed and causing her to um a cut or something like that then obviously we don't do in such a case. So therefore it's important that a person ask some women have a history of the area being um uh getting getting irritated and sensitive. Therefore um it's very important that a person ask about putting in this when um sometimes it wouldn't be necessary. Now a one the bring down is whether a woman should put on when should she put on the white underwear. Let's say she did a half sittara a half hour before Shia came out good. Does she put out the white underwear right then or does she put the underwear on at Shia? Um what I was that you put on she can put on the underwear right at Shia. She doesn't have to put it on after the heaps. Um now after the m she takes out the m and the m is is uh has no issue with it even if there there is some color but as long as there's no red. Um so then she begins the now a woman is supposed to do twoas daily during the one in the morning after and one um in the afternoon before. Now obviously um this is but again in certain situations we would tell a woman to not do so many where if a woman has a history of being the area being sensitive then again we would say she should do less badikas there's a woman who who calls me and I she does one on day one on day seven because she has a history of it being the area being very sensitive and it's very hard it hurts her to do it and therefore we would tell a woman to do less pedikas so that this way she doesn't irritate herself again. But again, this is obviously a very personal question. So, uh if you have that's why it's important to have a relationship with a RV that you can ask your questions to and he knows your situation, he can answer your question. If someone's going to call up and say, "Oh, should my wife do uh tubikas every day?" Yeah, of course you should do twoas every day. But if you're going to ask that this isn't the situation and the rough knows who you are, so then he'll be able to guide you personally. Now um the uh sometimes when there's a certain birth control called the ring, the ring is a ring that you put inside. It goes at the entrance of the uterus and there's a big shim. Does a woman have to take it out when she does her bedikas? Because the thing is is that thating is blocking a certain part inside that the bik is not going going to get to. So what the pam say is that she should take it out for three of the main bedikas which is before she does her hikara before she does um the bika of one on day one and one on day seven since those are the mo the bikas which are ma and um the most important ones. Therefore, we would tell a woman that she should take out the ring for that. Also, she should take out the ringing for going to the mikvah. Um, I I you know, there's a very big sh that if a woman went to the mikvah with this ring inside, even though it's a star, there's a big sh if the water can get through it, the water needs to be able to get behind the N ring. There's a big question if it can. Uh, therefore, a woman is supposed to take it out for going to the mikvah. And many people are many are that a woman has to go back to the mikvah and take it out. Now there in preparing for the mikvah. Um so just one other thing and that is that a woman should when she changes from um when when she's after the seventh day. So she's supposed to change out of her white underwear. When does she change? After so the place is going to say that she should change after. Now in preparing for the mikvah there are two things that are crucial in preparing for the mikvah and these these things what >> first she won't be able to change till like night she's out till whatever >> it's not no it's not I mean it's just it's beneficial for her because just in case there's any sh that arises you know if there's something that's found on underwear later on then you know you don't have to deal with it but it's not mak that uh if she doesn't do it then it's not a problem Now in preparing for the mikah there are two crucial things that a woman has to do that if she doesn't do this then she she has to do it and then go back to the mikah that is number one is she has to do kafifa and she has to do so what are these two things let's go with first because is a of the and is is that she has to check over her entire body to make sure that there is no on her body now she either has to check wherever she can see or She has to feel the areas that she cannot see. And that's why many mikvah all mikvah have a mikvah woman there who is supposed to check or at least asks the woman do you want me to check you and um if she wants then she does. If she says no then they don't some that they do certain parts usually the nails are are more where they check but a woman has to make sure that she checked her entire body or felt areas that she cannot see. One big area which the p do mention is like the bottom of her feet. You know, you don't think about checking looking to see if there's anything there. And she has to really check the bottom of her feet to see if there's anything there. Um what is kafifa? So Ezra was making that a woman is supposed to comb out all areas of here in order to either if there's a there or if there's dirt in her hair. So she's supposed to comb it out. First she's supposed to wash her hair with warm water. [snorts] And some can say that while it's wet, she should comb out her hair. Some say it's not if if she does it while it's wet. But the point is that she's supposed to comb it out with a specifically with a comb, not with a brush. Now, there is a a big shim. Could a woman use conditioner um when washing her hair? Because conditioner puts a film on her hair. Is a sh is that is that not is it? And therefore init they're much more mak on this than not to men I think the prevalent if for sure if a woman's here is the type that can get naughty for sure she should be using conditioner because it's more important that her hair doesn't get naughty I think most piskin in America are make that a woman can use conditioner now when is a woman supposed to do this preparation for the mikvah so there are We we'll bring five opinions just to understand where things are coming from and where when I was mabo what's the best way to do it. Rashi says that she should do all her preparation by daytime. For example, if let's say she's going to the mikah Thursday night, Thursday afternoon is when she should be doing all her preparation, says Rashi. Why? Because a woman is excited to get home to be with her husband. And we're worried that she's going to do things too quickly. she's going to not um she's going to forget to do some parts. She's going to forget something and therefore we want her to take her time and therefore says Rashi she can't go to the mikvah by day anyway. So there's no rush. She's not going to rush through things. She's going to do things calmly relaxed and therefore that is the most important. The shiltus on the other hand says just the opposite. What's more important to us is that as close to finishing the preparation, she should go to the mikvah right after finishing the preparation. And that is because we don't want that there to be any shila in between. So it's more important to do everything at night. And this way there isn't going to be any separation between the preparation and going to the mikvah. Comes to and says, "Okay, you know what? Let's try to do let's get both in there. Let's begin by day or do something by day. continue on into the night and then go to the mikvah. So this way at least you got uh you rashi by doing something by day doing something relaxed slowly and then you also got the shas that you completed it at night right before going to the mikvah. Now obviously many people not necessarily can do this. This is like if you have no time constraints and you have no kids. So this is like you know no problem you know you could do it right right by before before night time and going in right before night and going into the night says the sh that you know what if you designate an hour to do it then you're okay why cuz again rashi said we don't want you to do it quickly so if you're designating an hour you're not doing it quickly you're you're you're now saying this is the amount of time I'm going to take care of all the preparation and therefore you you also accomplish Rash's Rash you you take care of Rash's problem. >> Designating means what you have to say I'm going to do it. >> No, designating means that you have to give it enough time. Now just to answer maybe this might answer your question is that you don't even have to have an hour. Remember it's Burkitz also it just has to be that you does give you give enough time where the preparation that you need to do can be done slowly and carefully. So if let's say uh this woman knows that it'll take her 45 minutes. So 45 minutes is enough. The point is is that she gives herself enough time that she can get through everything that she needs to get through with uh without being rushed through it. Um now the the and the last one which is not really brought in which is you know the you know the fifth of and that is a woman has to do when she's most relaxed. So sometimes, for example, I got a phone call, this was a while a long time ago, um, a couple who was three months married, no kids, she was obviously pregnant, and she's going to the mikah Friday night. And she wants to know, could she do her preparation Friday morning because doing it right before Shabas is very stressful. Even though there's no one, she's not having any guests. It's just going to be her and her husband. She's going to the mik for that night. She's going to the Friday night and it's just going to be too stressful. Friday, you have to get everything ready. you have to put the food onto the hot plate and get the oven and light candles and it's just too stressful. So I told her the most important thing is that you are relaxed. If you're going to tell me that you're more relaxed in the morning, [clears throat] do all your preparation in the morning. Just what you have to make sure is right before Shabas you take a shower and you comb out your hair again. But the everything else can be done. You can the bath which um the place can bring down even though again this is also a minute to take a bath. Um it's not pro that a woman has to take a bath before going to the mikvah. The reason why women do it is to make sure that any that's on her body will come off whether it's a scab that is can easily come off by being soaked in the water or something like that or anything that's on her body. So we say she should take a bath for about 15 minutes and that's even already 15 minutes. There's no she has to be in a bath a half hour. There's no sheer to being in the bath. All she has to be in the bath for is enough time that she can anything that is on her body that can come off can easily come off. >> If she if she doesn't easily have access to a bath, to what extent does she have to go? >> She doesn't have to make herself crazy. She can take just a longer shower. If she doesn't have access to a bath, she can take a 15-minute shower. >> Do we go to the extent to say that she would have to go to her parents house? >> No. No. We definitely would not say that. She doesn't have to go anywhere. Yeah. >> See discreetly. >> Right. Right. Exactly. No. Or even if let's say it doesn't it's she's more comfortable doing her preparation at home and she doesn't want to go to the mikvah. The mikvah has a bath. You can you can reserve a room with a bath and she doesn't want to. >> All right. Arab shabas. Yeah. Inra of shabas she can't. So then yeah she would be allowed to do uh longer. I had a sh where um a guy called me. They were at a hotel and there was no bath in the hotel and I guess she didn't want to do the preparation in the she they were in some out of town place where it wasn't their city and she just wanted to do everything all the preparation in the hotel and I said she can take an extra long shower and that would be enough cuz there's no real hala it's only a minute to take to take a bath but the point is is that what what is most important is that a woman be relaxed when she's doing her preparation. So, if it means if she's able to be at home in the morning and do all the preparation in the morning and then just touch up again at night, that would be that that's fine. Or she comes home from work, none of the kids are home yet, she wants to do it then, even though it's 3 hours before Shakia, she can do it then. And especially, you know, if the husband is able to help, that it should make it more calm for her because if their kids knocking on the door while she's taking a bath and while she's prep preparing, it stresses a woman out. So therefore um uh it's it's very important that she does it at a time where she is relaxed. Now um if let's say her mikvah falls out on my so the brings down a woman should do all her preparation on Friday and then actually brings this and then she should repeat Shabas but very very short repeat which means everything on before Shabas the bath and all that before Shabas Shabas she should just take a shower and comb out her here and then she obviously she has to check herself before she goes into the mikvah And then that is enough. >> Why is it not better to do everything properly? >> Because according to Rash, she have the problem of Rashi. I mean, you could say that if okay, if she designates an hour, she can do that. But the Rama says that we since we're very concerned with Rashi that we want her to do it when she's relaxed. If she's going to do a m Shabas where she can already go to the mikvah and come home, we're worried she's going to do it quickly. So, we want her to do most of the preparation before Shabas. Um, now she's allowed to put up put on makeup before Shabas. she should just not put on makeup that is going to be hard to get off. So, mascara, you know, on on her eyelashes, she shouldn't put on. Um, but anything any other makeup which can easily come off, she can um she can put on. Now, the pim also bring down that a woman should not go to uh not take a shower after going to the mikah. The brings this down and the p said that this is only at the mikvah. once she comes home um she's allowed to take a shower when she gets home. It's only at the mikvah that she shouldn't take a shower. Now, very often I get this question especially after birth. Um if a woman after birth and um she's able to go, she's after four or 5 weeks she's already did her did her zikim she's already able to go to the mikvah but you know usually you need to have clearance from the doctor um before you're allowed to have tash after having a baby which generally they say it's after 6 weeks. So should a woman go to the mikvah even though she will not be able to have tash with her husband. So the first thing is a person has to make sure that he's not going to be you know if he's not going to if he's going to be then it's definitely not worth her going to the mikvah and him being but if he won't be so there's many that just being together even without having is part of the mitzvah for example the Ram brings down that there's a if a husband's traveling he's going out of town so the is the night before he goes out of Um if he's going by himself the night before he goes out of town there's a mitzvah with his wife the night before. What happens if the night before is a vest it's the it's the whatever it is. So the is that is obviously but this that we say is a not to have intimate activity um other than um the brings down that you're allowed to. Now if it's not a mitzvah so why are you having why you being intimate together if it's not a mitzvah we see clearly that it's part of the mitzvah alone even without having tash just being able to be together that's part of the mitzvah um there's a shak also um which says um brings down the similar thing that um a woman should go to the mikvah if even if she can't have tash the sha also brings down he doesn't talk about this in this case there's a case that um still a woman should go to the mikvah and the ramish on by the where we learn out that of a husband to his wife that he's been obligated in. So Rashi translates as food is clothing and is being together with his wife having tash says the ram doesn't mean food but rather means of buser. Now if we're talking if already is tash so what's paser means that this just part of being together alone is part of the mitzvah just physically being together even without having is also >> should be even some together with his wife but not together >> and that's going to make it even harder >> right so yeah as I said a person has to know himself if that's going to obviously do that you know not everyone is is able to hold that hold themselves hold themselves back. But it really depends on the person. But it it is part of the mitzvah. So if a person is able to do it, then it would be a good idea. Besides the fact that it also takes off the stress of passing things and keeping all the it's a very stressful thing to go to continue going on even another week. [snorts] So therefore um if again if a person is able to do it, it would be a good idea to do it. Okay. I think these are some of the common things that do come up. Obviously, you know, there's a lot more in um but the main thing is is that you know any when a person gets a sh first of all they should have their own personal r that they ask and um uh