Rabbi Don Jarashow Mishmar Parshas Beshalach at Bais Medrash Ohr Chaim

Good evening everybody. It's a cover to be back over here in Bash. My father, thank you for coming and the esteemed over here. So, uh, I came in every time I come in, I come in from Manchester, New Jersey. It's in Tom's River. And it's always interesting how right before usually when I often when I give a shar there's something right before that happens something to share and tonight is no exception. It's those small things that often seem very insignificant and don't tell too much of a story but sometimes they're uh just the right time the right spot. So I was in a very popular minion factory in Toms River in in Lakewood. It's called it's called Kal Benet Sar. It's kind of like the shiners in Lakewood. >> I came here once. >> Yeah. >> Came here once before and they had a >> Okay. So, shout out to Rabbi Babad and it's a beautiful place, a beautiful I don't know as many as here. I think it's hard to compete with shiners but definitely almost. And there was a very uh famous figure Adam there and there was a very famous figure here there and on his glasses on the on the handle of his glasses it said his name and I I looked at him and I he does know who I am but everyone knows who he is. He's he's on every he's in every magazine. He's a famous famous figure. >> We'll leave that out for now. And uh I wasn't sure if I should say something, make a joke, say something, you know, make conversation. I'm like, you know what? Might as well. So I'm like, where can I buy a fancy pair of glasses like you have? You know, get my name of designer on the handle. And I was really I I was certain that the glasses for sure were a couple thousand dollars. He's a well-known figure. I'm sure he paid a lot of money to have his name on it. Also private label his own name. And I said, "How do I get to Chapair?" And he's like, "I'll tell you the truth." He said, "Zeni.com, >> $3." >> Seriously? >> Seriously. >> And I'll tell you again. Seriously. Yeah. Seriously. >> I think I I think I might have an idea what this guy is. >> I'll give you one try. >> Really? >> Yeah. >> No. >> But close. Not Not too far off. So, what's the decide? What's the what's the message? What did I take out right away from this from this uh seemingly insignificant encounter? >> Don't judge a book by it. >> Don't judge a book by its cover. Very good. That's one thing for sure. But another thing, >> he's self hasher. That must be self hash too. But what I took out is not everything that meets the eye is the reality is what it necessarily is. And we come with preconceived notions, preconceived understandings. And we call assumptions, labeling, stereotyping, different situations and circumstances in life, different people, different periods of life. This was bad. This was good. That guy's poor. That guy's rich. This guy's this guy's. But we never really know the truth until we're there, until we're it. But as long as we're on the sidelines, everything is up for the debate. Everything's up for debate. Everything's up. We don't know the reality. We don't know the truth. And this is very important. when you said in life especially as we read the paras of bish and we've been reading the paras of we continue with talking about the and from the sidelines looked like the most forlorn forgotten despicable people. They claim to have a god. They claim to have a melik that is taking care of them, that's ordaining everything, that's supervising. But look at them. They're getting battered. They're getting destroyed from the ruthless par and the mitz, the backbreaking slavery, the she all the kids are getting killed. But as we know as we're getting closer to P it's the same that there's something called a star. There's something called Hashem is pulling the strings from behind the curtain and what seems to be bad. What seems to be dismal, scary things that cause anxiety. Things that make us look that we're forgotten. That make us look like it's dark and black and that there's no mel there's a sleepy God. But the truth is in fact that's just the opposite. Often that's when Hashem's Hashem's is always there. But that's often when it's on steroids. That's often when it's supercharged, superpowered and we're going through the darkness and we think Hashem forgot about us. That's often when he's there most. That's when he's carrying us, holding us on the highest level possible. And when I saw that guy's glasses and I thought, "Oh, this guy's rich and this guy has it all and he has his own private label." But that was a mistake. That's just the way I evaluated. That's the way I looked at the situation. And when he told me it was only $3, that was a complete paradigm shift. And it's no different with the par of and it's no different than every on their own personal journeys on the ownus that sometimes we feel we're going through and sometimes you get to get to I want to share with you an incredible you know there's a famous kasho pretty famous kasho that in itself is what we're talking about of here is a famous kasha is not a famous kasha. I think it is but may think it's not. So we'll say there is a kasha. The bi asks there's a medish on what we say every single day in then saying so the med the med says The mag tells us that when moish at the end of paris he came to par and he was complaining saw his whole mission with taking care of kalis being man he saw him as an utter failure because power's response made him feel that kalis's suffering was worse and the mag tells us that through this word of o that musha said back was a sin. It was an a. It was something that he needed tick for something that he needed to do for. And when by when the when when the splitting of the sea occurred and he said that Oz that word o references back and not only is it a reference but it's a kapor it's some sort of atonement for that sin when he complained to par. So I asked the B what what what do they want to do with the other he complained back in and he said the werebasi and now he's saying now he's saying so like just very simple black and white what is what's the similarity what's the how what is one after the other and another kasha I I uh I once I once had is there's a shir going on over here felt that the way he can demonstrate his zakar The way you can show Hashem that he's really thankful for the nim of is with a sh but there are many times in the kazal that we find that there's not necessarily a sh so when when when is it proper when is it required to thank when is it adequate to thank just with words right not always singing to hashem often you sing but sometimes you just for saying so when's when it what's what's going on over here. specifically which was obviously the greatest miracle of all time but why was it the so tells us as follows he explains that imagine have a person who's sick and he gets healed there's a doctor who heals him and then he's out of the so has pancreatic stage four stage four cancer the prognosis is very dark basically the time he has two months left to live and he finds this incredible specialist in Colorado and he goes and he says, "You know what? I'm going to work with you and he works and works and works and expends everything all the time and miraculously he heals him." There's two ways says that this person this this this sick person can respond. His first the first response is just being happy that he's not in the same situ situation as he was before. That's the first that's like first base. But then there's another level of thanks. This thanks not only for being healed, but realizing that somehow or another that the sickness that all of the pain that he went through that he exhibited during that very challenging time hearing all the scary news somehow shifting that transforming that into good into positivity and ultimately into thanks and gratitude as well. So he says >> what caused hidah >> right what causes so right so there's two types of one is just being thankful that I'm not in a bad position but another another the next level is appreciating that I'm not in that situation but also seeing how that situation was all for the good was ultimately for my best that's like the highest level seeing that all the darkness everything they thought was really bad was really for my benefit that's the highest level of of of of thanks of of >> understand why you're saying >> exactly So it says that when he was saying aasher they witnessed obviously the greatest miracle of all time but not only that when he when he felt this when he saw this when he saw the sea was being split which was the greatest miracle of all time. So it says basically he wasn't only thankful for the fact that now they're away from the hand of away from the savage mit but he also saw how every single second was saw how every second all the makers and all the pain and the death and and all the all the all the things that went through the past hundreds of years it all came full closure and when that happened when serious m happened when clears have happened. Says BI, not only was he thankful for splitting the seas, but he was also thankful for all the darkness, for all the all those years of pain, all the years of servitude, all the years of fright and not knowing what's going to be. But that all came clear to him. And when that came clear to him, then he was able to do a chuva, says once everything made sense, then he was able to go back to what he originally complained about. So the ofash when he had this clarity of the full picture >> and he was able to be thankful for all of the and all the darkness that was going through of of of mit goes back to the complaint that he had years ago to par cuz now it wasn't a complaint now there was full clarity and was able to really say hashem I understand hashem I see all yashm is in everything I see all your perfection and then he was able to be for that complaint for that sin that's the connection between the two when he had full clarity full heath of the entire picture then he was able to truly have on his level and beaken for the o that he said to par what do we see from this vi we see from this vi that there's and everything but we also see from that was telling us that when one is going through challenges, when one is going through dark times, when one's going through uncertainty that ultimately there's going to be ultimately Hashem is always supervising. And it's just a matter of when we're going to get to the end and be able to see in hindsight in the rear view mirror how everything fit into place. And when we're going through it, it could be very challenging. It could be very hard. But Mosha reminds us when he came to he's able to say, "Oh, now I understand Now understand now you reveal yourself to me and everything clicks back and I could do chuva now I can have kapara for that sin of oz and ultimately now they were ready they were at the level they were can cleanse themselves and come to be the that's the basia but I think there's another step which is very important and that's realizing that the problems that the challenges often they build a person and those challen challenges. We're never forgotten. We're never for learn. We're never Hashem never just turns our back on us. He's always carrying us through. There's a there's a Y in a person that I know and he said and he's a very and he said something very profound which is something that we just spoke about. But this idea he said and he's a big babatan and he learns all day but he was in a moment of he was just being honest he said I dab into hashem to be on the madrega that when I'm going through challenges when I have questions to understand you I'm not even dinging that I should have clarity and that I should have been talking in those times cuz that I'm not on the major but he said to Hashem that at least at the end at least at the end of the tunnel at least when the challenge is over I should be able to look in that rearview mirror I should be able to have that clarity and come back and thank you that's what I dab him for that at least at the end I should be able to look back and say ah Hashem now understand why this happened and why this didn't happen and why this that seemed to be so hard and challenging it had to be like that for that to happen it's a gift it's a gift of clarity it's a gift of 100 it's a it's a huge gift I want to tell you an incredible story. I think that really brings this out. It's unbelievable. I heard this from Waxman. Brian Waxman tells a story. He said came over to him at a and he huh >> mar. Yeah. So wax says a story. He's sitting at he's sitting at a casta and comes over to him and says I want to tell you about the gam he said my son-in-law whose name is kufus he has a co I think in bene and this coil is a special coy it's for babbatim that already retired and that they already they already settled down the wealthy babam they made the money they moved towards Israel and one night they made a they finish a maka And they were drinking and they were foranging and they got to everyone was like very light and airy and felt good about themselves and one of the young one of the one of the balabatim got up in the middle and he said I want to share my story with you. He felt very you know everyone's just in a good mood and very fail and you know all the all the all the walls and the mitas just melted away and he's like I just want to be open and share with you what I'm all about where I come from. He got a bet to see him and he said the way I grew up is I grew up my parents were Hoca survivors. So what happened? He said when he was a little kid he got himself into a lot of trouble. He was living in the city in the in the west side and his parents completely dropped Yiddishkite. they were turned off. And he grew up mamish with no mitzvah, no baritz, no shabas, nothing. But he spoke Yiddish. That was that was the only remnants of Yiddish kite that he was exposed to. And he made money very quickly. He was a little kid and he got into these businesses, these shady businesses. And he mameish was a very rich kid. And one night they had to go into this restaurant to close a big deal. in the city, a bunch of teenagers or young, you know, in their young 20s. He walks into this restaurant as a free man and he walked out in handcuffs. Police arrested the entire crew and one of the one of the boys pleaded guilty. Another one of the boys ratted him out by himself and now he was left with 25 years in prison. Little kid, 21 years old until he's 46. He's destined to sit in prison and he's panicking and crying and scared and he mish doesn't know what to do with himself. He's a little kid. Doesn't know anything about yishkai. He speaks yish and he has a he has a trial in court. He leaves and he's crying crying and he's like he's sleing back to his house in the east side I think it was and he decides he's really hungry and he has no he needs some caffeine so he sits in a cafe he orders a coffee and he starts drinking and he just he just he's crying and crying and crying he can't stop he can't drink the coffee and she walks into the cafe and this old sits down next to him and says what's with you while you crying crying like you looked terribly disturbed. Can I help you? And he said, "No, like just just get out of here. I need you." He said, "No, no." He said, "I know how to deal I I I could deal with problems. I know problems." And this boy, he looks at the he says, "What do you know from problems? Like, get out." And then picks up his sleeve and he said, Gans good >> shows him the numbers and then the boy is crying crying crying he realizes like maybe there's something here and he tells him the whole story and the this tells him listen he said I hear your story seems like you're in deep deep trouble he said you don't need a lawyer you need a reb He said like, "I had enough. I gave you a shot, but you just ruined it." >> He's like, "No, no, no. Believe me. I've dealt with problems. I have the numbers. Just trust me." Kid thinks it's okay. Like, what can I lose? Kids are They pack up. They go to some old apartment in the east side. The skull heard of him Brian Waxman explains he said he had mamish he had a he had a he looked like a malikim and this bach this boy again he's not mitzvah never kept shabas never kept anything he goes to the schol and he cries and tells him his whole story and the reb puts his hand on his shoulder and says listen you said everything is going to be fine So he's obviously relieved to an extent but obviously still very skeptical and he says trust me. He says he said what's going to happen is you're going to go to the court. He said, "And in terms of the lawyer that you hired with all your money, a thousand thousand dollars to get a highest the highest the the best the best paying uh criminal lawyer." He said, "He's coming late. He's not making it in time, but go anyway and everything's going to be okay. And report back to me after." >> Kids are this prime waxman. So this he does makeup stores. It's 100% verified. kids are they go to the trial date comes and as the Reb predicted the judge is screaming at this kid where's your lawyer what's going on up here where's your or this is a joke you have to present yourself you're going to get thrown out you're going to go straight to jail the kid is sittering he's crying and all of a sudden he gets a call from this little 21-year-old kid he said I'm on my way I'm on my way the lawyer he got stuck on a plane but he's sending me and don't worry. And this little rookie kid walks in wet behind his ears. Never dealt with anything like this. And the kid, he's just, you know, this man that is crying more and more and more. He said, "What's going on?" Like, I have no chance now. And the kid get this lawyer this 20-y old kid gets up at the podium and starts dashing away 5 minutes 10 minutes and he's going on and on and on and he starts speaking nar and making things up and he sounds like a big fool a half he's speaking for an hour. The judge is so like perplexed, flum, whatever word you want to call it. Like he thinks this is the most absurd, >> confused, whatever adjective you want to explain it. And he starts screaming at them. He says, "You crazy people. You have no mind. You're all absurd. You're foolish." He said, "I don't want to deal with this. All you just get out of here." Whoa. They leave court. And there's 25 years of jail he's supposed to face and was just dismissed. He runs back to the Reb to the Scolia and he says, "Reb I don't know what to tell you." And Reb says,"H said, "The rule is that if someone does you a favor, you have to return a favor. basics of ethics 101. And the kid says, "Okay, whatever you want, Rabbi," he said, "Anything you're going to ask me to do is better for sure than 25 years in prison. Whatever you want." And the Reb says, "Listen, you know what Chabas is, you know Mitzvas are. I'm not asking for any of it." Said, "Ask one thing. Go get yourself a pair of fillain." Okay. He goes, the rabbi gives him an address in Crown Heights. Rabbi Jacobson, go find yourself a pair of fillin. So he went from he went from one to the next. He couldn't find the pair of fillin. Finally he got a pair of fillin. He came back to the rebba and he grew up. He changed his life over. He became aim is he established a family. Unbelievable story. What's the takeaway message says a profine waxman? There's many, but the message, the most fundamental message is we are no different than the kid in court, the lawyer, and the judge. Sometimes we can feel that. We can feel it sitting. We can feel we have no idea what's going to be. hopefully never the thought of 25 years in prison. But there could be scary situations in life and we come to the lawyer and the lawyer in this story I omitted one detail I'm sorry >> was his grandfather. Thank you. The lawyer was his grandfather. That's a important, >> huh? The the judge was the boy's grandfather. >> And the the point of this story here was he said that that's how he got out of this whole thing because the the the grand the the judge was his boy's grandfather and everything worked out because ultimately there was this love between them and the Reb anticipated this whole thing. But the same thing is for us that sometimes we feel we don't know how we're going to get out of situation, what it's going to be. But Hashem ultimately even when it feels like there's mid even if it feels scary it feels feel ultimately Hashem has our best interest in mind says a profine waxman Hashem loves us Hashem cares for us all Hashem wants to do is be mative to us and just like that judge who was a grandfather and he just said get out of here I don't want to deal with her right Hashem could do the same thing when we have the and when we come and we realize at the end everything is and it can everything is one big escog everything is one big circle circle and everything ultimately does fit into place and can fit into place. When we realize that then everything is different. we can overcome any challenge, any situation. And lastly to conclude, there was once aid went to Reb to the Reb and the Reb asked and the and the told the Reb, I can't I can't take it anymore. All my my whole pala all the sus my wife is sick. I have a son who was nif another one is facing divorce my bias is rickety. I have no pas the whole the whole package. And he came to the Rebba and he said, "I can't handle it anymore." And the Reba said, "No problem. Come into my come into my room, come to my office." And he opens up. Obviously, this is metaphoric, but he opens up he opens up the the back closet. And he says, "Look, look at all these pecul different challenges, different packages that you can choose from. Here's a whole array." And he says, "You can choose. You don't like yours, but you can choose any one you want." And he this is sitting there and he's looking and he takes him to day and he thinks he finally you know he got the right package. This is the perfect amount of sour and giz but you know and then he's like you know maybe not. And he goes back and it takes him days and days and days and finally he figures it all out. He does his and he's like you know this is this is the perfect one. This m the perfect balance. I'm going to take that one. And the rebs really you sure you want that one? says, "Yeah, 100%." And then he says, "I want to let you know that's your package and that's the is Hashem's got it all. There's nothing too big. There's nothing too small. Everything is perfect and it's about the journey. It's about sometimes we feel there's makus and we get and everything works out in hindsight and we dab that we should feel that revelation. We should feel that is galas at least retroactively and as we're going through it can be difficult it can be challenging but that's what went through that's what went through and but we remember that simil and we're meant to use the as a blueprint to remind us how we're supposed to approach how we're supposed to go through and just like said at the end he came to he said then was saying and that tied back into this old because everything was perfect everything made sense us Two, we dab in for the clarity and hindsight. And when things don't make sense, remember that the package that we picked. The package that we chose is the one that we need is the one that we choose anyway cuz Hashem gave it to us. Hashem wants us to make the best to become wholesome through that package. It wasn't by mistake. It was by design. And we realize that and remember that should be even when we're going through personal makers, they should be small and very insignificant, but when they're the little things in life, the little bumps, you should be able to cruise right right through them. And ultimately to personal and ultimately with the ultimate going through to the land the desired land long way to land of arrival of basically in a nutshell in a nutshell say it over to the gift of understanding And they