Rabbi Avi Slansky Shovavim Shiur at Scheiner's - Practical Halacha What yout thought you knew

you obviously should know the most, right? Because you just got married. And then we'd start asking questions and we'd see where things no one should be worried. We're not going to start asking questions and um we're going to assume that we don't know much. And the reason is Clasar has a fascinating design. I didn't design it so I could comment on it. That we learn before we're married. At that point there's approximately a billion things on our mind aside for and we sit with who over the course of a few weeks tries to tell us yeah don't worry after you get married you'll have shas and you'll call and we'll we'll discuss it and you'll learn and you sit there nodding your head having absolutely no clue what's happening. You get married, you have some shas, maybe you do ask, maybe you don't ask and slowly but quickly there's like this slippery slope that like [snorts] falls to the wayside and we have a time of the year that we get to be mazic a little bit. So we're going to try a little bit to remind ourselves remind ourselves of the things that we should know we didn't know we sort of know and like that. If I have one goal for this year it's as follows. But I'm going to say it up front and um that's what we're driving to. What we're driving to is to realize asking Shilas is only [clears throat] to your benefit. This is firstly in all areas of most people who ask don't ask Shilas or why because they're nervous. They're afraid the rabbi is going to tell me it's the rabbi's going to tell me this. The R's going to say that. I'd rather not know, you know, live and let live and like we'll just figure it out. But then you call and you ask and we could do this in we could do this in Shabas. We could do this in every area of all of the sudden that which you thought is completely asser maybe is mut that which you thought is mut is completely user and we're just confused. So hopefully hopefully we'll get a little bit clarity. But I think we all should realize by the end of this year which is our goal that especially in the world of mid the more that you ask the happier you'll be. Now I say you're happier you'll be because we're coming on the heels of two weeks of shias. So by now you know Levitan fixed everyone shi in this room. So everyone has perfect marriages bliss and harmony on may and therefore you know now we're just going to build on that. Now we're just going to build on that. So let's take a dive in. Let's take a dive into the world of Hila Nida and uh let's see how far we go. Let's see how far we go. Let's see how deep we go. And let's see where we come out on the other side. What is the design of Nida? And this is like the one thing you might have remembered from classes is like why like what God wants to paint us like what's going on over here like why why did he and if you think this question is it's and says why what's the reason where does it come from and the says you know why if not you're going to be you're going to be accustomed to her you'll be disgusted by her and says It's a very high bar we're going for which is extremely high bar and it's one of those things that maybe we even have to ask ourselves like what does a gamar really mean? We're supposed to every month come back to a place of renewal like the night of the it's it's a high bar something to think about but that's the design. So is for our benefit. Does anyone know what he used to do with what is you know was sitting there? He was sitting there with a bunch of marac cloths. His were says the gumar. He was soiled in blood just sitting there. And what does the gor end that the purpose of what he was busy with everything? No, he was he was the sitting there trying to figure out a way. I'm going to make a strong statement and I hope I don't get in trouble. If you ever ask a Shiloh and you walk away feeling that the Ra flippantly disregarded you, that the Ra just nah, you're asking such a silly Shiloh, of course it's us, sir. What do you mean something like that? So if you're [snorts] asking like an Israeli pisik in Ben yeah then you should have known that before you asked as I was newly married in I was looking for a RV and it was confusing as it was for all of us and I and I'm looking for the RV and I so I saw the guy in the frogs he had a big beard I figured what could be the big deal I'll ask him. So as a bumbling fool that I was I went over to the rv. I says, "Uh, can I ask you a question?" Didn't even try the Hebrew business. And he realized I wanted to ask him something. And I pulled out of my pocket. Oh, and he walks outside. I'll never forget mish where I was standing. He maz. I'm like, uhoh, what' I do wrong? That's like when the guy screams at you in the cab, right? Maz. I was like, zam zam. I'm like, uhoh. I think I asked the wrong person. So, the one thing I knew was I could ask for it back. That was like my my like, you know, figured I'll get a second chance. I said trying to like He's like and I I like, you know, sort of slipped it out of his hands and he storms off. So if that's what you enjoy then but if you go to that you think you are asking to and you walk away feeling that he didn't care for you he wasn't that was I don't want to say don't go back to that but there's a problem I sat and almost the tear in his eye literally and Anyone who knows we're dealing with a RV that's answering hundreds of shas daily and when he would have to be mame something literally literally you you could see how it broke him. You could see how it broke him. He goes, "I'm so sorry. There's nothing I can do because our goal is obviously to be but we're looking." So we didn't learn anything yet, but the Gisha the approach is so critically important and hopefully everyone should find such a because as we're going to speak this is very very important and this is the difference between just being for no reason. So, let's dive in. Let's get through some of the basics. Let's understand where I'm coming from because some of you maybe don't even know this and you're confused. But I I hope not. I hope not. So, I want to describe the basic of basic which is really the difference between aika cloth between a pair of underwear. That's really what I'm describing. But the problem is there's something called birth control which isn't a problem. those designs many raim we're not going to go into the history but they say that you could see that the woman's body used to be very like clockwork which stopped the time birth control came out which is a different but the difference between the two and then you go on saying birth control and this is something you definitely weren't taught as a and all of a sudden a woman is staining and you're not sure what to do maybe she just went to the mikvah and two days later she wiped herself and she sees on the toilet paper and it's like it's not even a question. It's red and it's blood and it's not like a dot. You're like, "Oi, oi." I guess, you know, they always talk about that like 1%. You know, we're the 1% and oi, I'm oi, okay, it'll be when each other, you're going to get through it. That that's utterly utterly ridiculous because she's not, she's not an understand. But birth control throws a tremendous monkey wrench into all the a lot that we were not taught. So, here we go. The amount of times I've heard from guys, what? Remind me again. On on the bedika cloth, if there's a a stain, I have it until the size of a penny, right? Oh, no. No, that's that's the pair of underwear. Which one is it? Which one is it? Remind me again. I I just it we're putting it in our brain as a fact to remember so we can't remember. Can we just understand what's happening here for for like one second now that we're all married? We're all married, right? That'd be weird if not. Yeah. Is this all you need this year? I didn't getting some funny looks over here. When I said we're all married, a few people are like, uhoh. Um, >> some of you are not sure if you're married. Okay, let's >> by the way, the the some of you like, what do you mean my [clears throat] doesn't my wife take care of these things? Like, she does that. >> She does that. I I do the other. So, I want to explain to you and many people have this approach. In some areas, it might not be a bad thing. But the question is, what does it mean she takes care of it? Like the case I just said, the woman went to the bathroom, she wiped herself, and she there was straight up blood and it was blood. According to all opinions, there was blood on that piece of toilet paper. So she says, "I'm sorry, there was blood. I'm going to eat and we'll get it next time." And he's like, "Okay, law-abiding husband. What am I going to do?" It is what it is. So even if maybe she's the one controlling, but maybe we just have to ask some basic questions to make sure just like our education might be a little faulty. Why are we assuming that the kala teachers did that much of a better job? So let's get there. So if we understand the difference what happens by a bad than all these things, it shouldn't be complicated. The fact the amount of times that people mess this up, we say it as a joke and then we hear the next guy making the mistake. So it's it's it's and I I would take a poll if I knew all of you and in back when I was in yeshiva in BERish I taught in bmedish we would do polls because you know the guys didn't care to be honest and open like we'd ask a question 17 hands went up and they all were you know voting on being shaba every single week and the one guy that's like no I think you know he was the one guy that was right so I'm not going to do that here because I don't I I know some of you and uh I don't want to embarrass the rest of you. So I'm sure many of you did have that question like which one is it that there's a little bit of red on it. Which one is it? So let's understand it very simply. Aika whenever it's done and we'll get there maybe we'll see how much time we have. Aika goes inside the woman's body and therefore if there's the smallest dot of red on there what is it came from inside her body and therefore that's a problem. I didn't say she's a need. I said it's a problem. Okay. on a pair of underwear, on a piece of toilet paper, on anything else that didn't come from inside her body. Anything. We don't know what it is. Question mark. What is it, Rabbi? Come on, be real. She wiped herself and it's red. We know what happened. It's a great question you're asking. And Sha [clears throat] deals with it in the chuva. Everyone deals with this question. But the bottom line is if it doesn't come from inside her body, it's not the same rules. So there's one thing and one thing only and it's called a bedika or a tampon or other instruments that maybe have gone inside of her. But in general, what is it? It's a beta cloth. And it's a dot, the smallest dot in the world. Why didn't I say if there's a small dot, she's a need? I said it's a problem because what we all think is red is not red. What do you mean, Rabbi? I'm not color blind. I know my colors. You know, I got it. So, anyone who's ever thought it was red and was like, you know, maybe even did the like bet with their wife type of thing, like I'm telling you it's read this one. I got this one. You know, I got this one, right? You know, I'LL GO TO THE rabbi because he said we should come, you know. And the amount of times that the people show up and the the hakama to the shila is the husband's bringing the shila like I know it's not good. I'm just making my wife happy or I know it's not good but like you know I'll try my luck or something like that or other you know excuses why they're showing you the mar and just like that Israeli rabbi yelled and screamed mazed dam the right will look at it and not even look at it deeply not even go to the window to the [clears throat] what did you say it's what what is bay mean rabbi bis what what it's okay what's okay you you just gave me a mara I looked at it [clears throat] it's okay it's okay what it's okay that I'm an like what's it okay no it's it's fine you're okay keep on going in life it's all good it's fine what do you mean it's fine it's red it's not end of story now you might never never have had that actual conversation with the rub but these are the things that are going on in your brain as he tells you it's biser and that's what word biser means for all those who are always wondering and maybe chachbt got it right or wrong should I can I can I interrupt myself to share a story that happened with me Thursday night and cheer I have to have to share a story [clears throat] we're learning and suka garuka quotes a by okay anyone know maybe those who learn suka raji says, "If I was alive and my son was with me and bin was with me, I could save the whole world from sin." So, who's this? So, he says he was an unoff. So, one of the guys in Shir thought he'd be intelligent and he buzzio. So, I I I see it happening in front of my eyes, which don't worry, he got the public flogging later. Don't worry, we'll deal with him on the phone during shar different time. But the bottom line is he says, "Oh, R, come on. Yumm. Yum never sinned." So what are you talking about? Yum was one of the four people that never sinned. I said, "No, no." He said, "Yes, it is. It's Gomar Shabas is one of the four people never sinned. I'll read you the Garfield." And he starts he's reading the GM from his phone. So someone runs to get a gumar in chabas and it's amazing they meet up the gum everything was right they switched one name the garra says in chabas four people died because of the bite of the sin four people four people never didn't have who are these four people and the war goes through kill and and the last person on the list Chad GBT decided you're asking about you want to know what Yum did so great. Let's just stub him in. It makes the most sense. And they just put him right there in the Gumar. And then when the person said, "My gar doesn't say that." So what do you do when you're, you know, caught in the corner? What do you say? That is another gear chat made up on the spot. Why am I saying this story? It's actually an important story. It wasn't just making it up. Is because yes, there are things you could use AI for. And I am a technological person and I love this stuff. But you got to check it. You got to check it. Don't don't don't be a fool. They literally made up a Gar Thursday night in Shear. You ask the guys in Shear. It's incredible. So if you ask like, oh, and then they give you an answer and then you're you're smart. I I know AI. So I ask you for a source, right? Tell me the source. And they give me the source. And I know I still know AI could trick me, right? So I say, quote me the source. And they quote me the source and I read it. Sounds great, right? Beautiful. It was so close. So close. Just one that off. So that was on the aside. That's on keeping your between you not and the computer. You could use it. It could give you sources and sometimes it's right. Please I'll tell you one more story. Tell you one more story. Um just just on the flip side of AI so you can know that it is actually a helpful tool. And then we'll get back to Neo. This is this is your break everyone. Okay. This is your break. Everyone could relax a little bit. We'll get back to where we were. um on PES there was I was I was with and he asked me it was an interesting question someone forgot I think he ded one of these like ridiculous cases which when you learn it you're like who in the world's ever going to do that right well guess what we always have fascinating people in he this guy got it so I was like I I have no clue it's like one of these like so what did I do I went to my computer and I tried to do some searching around you know I'm looking I'm looking on this one I I'm looking all over to try find the Shiloh and somewhere within the search I don't know which model it was came up with a chaos incredible [snorts] I pulled the chuvisha and sometimes has these long chuvas and within the chuva he brings a from this case of someone who ding the wrong he uses it as a to noville and beautiful so I went back to this rough and I said I don't want to say that I looked it up. I didn't want to, you know, incriminate myself. I said, I called a friend of mine who's RV and I asked him the Shiloh and he told me it's a so this RV says to me, "Oh, you probably the is no." So I said, "No, no, it is no." But I looked up the and within the chuva he met, oh wow, galdic. So technology is great. Check your facts. Let's get back to. So now what are we talking about? Talking about the fact that you do aik if you have the smallest dot on that. Is it red? Is it red? Red is subjective to the eyes of the beholder. Red is subjected to the misra of the ravan. Even brown is red. What does that mean? Even brown is red. It's a color spectrum. One day you'll all be to redo your houses. That that was a double braha. You'll have a house and you'll be z to redo it. And then your wife is going to want to paint. And you're going to look at the spectrum of colors like this. And your wife is going to zero in on number 273. And she's going to ask you, do you like 273 or 272? No. Like you see that shade for for like the bathroom and you're like, I know it's a color. It's the same thing. Oh no, it's not the same thing. What do you mean they're nohas? That's the raw of looking at. There are no so when you have the right r not necessarily is red and ask the even if you're so convinced so convinced I know this one is red just ask that's if it's on aika now what if it's on a pair of underwear what if it's on a tissue that's when you have a shear you have a size what's the size of which is the size of approximately a penny so now you're going to say okay great let's go back to toilet paper case Right? She wiped herself. You're like, I know what a penny is. I know they don't exist, but okay. Oh, make all your jokes. Give all the But when I said this is bigger than a penny, bottom line. Okay, great. But guess what? So, you're going to now again say, "Okay, it's red for sure. It's bigger than a penny." Yes. Why call the ruff? So, maybe you will. And the r say, "Wait, where did you r? I just want to double check. I I saw saw a km." You use like the you know the terminology. A km is when you find a stain. I saw a kessm and it's the size of a quarter and it's red. Why are you calling? I'm calling to make this crazy rabbi Slansky who spoke to us happy. And the going to say, "Where did you find the km?" And you say, "Oh, on a on a piece of toilet paper." And the going to say, "Okay, it's Beder." But what what what I thought the rules were. The answer is if it's on two categories. as many categories but if it's on toilet paper every by the way I should have I should have prefaced we're saying every word I'm saying is I'm just telling you how how we how we how we who's the we the royal we how we that tissue is toilet paper and notab it's not and therefore it's not a problem similarly if it's on a pair of underwear which is colored what does colored mean what does colored mean anything not white is color beige, yellow, pink, pastel, whatever you want. Anything that not white is color. Great. So, even though it is the size and it is red, but because it's on something that's not mab, she's [clears throat] not ano. Now, I'm going to get back to this case in a moment because there is something to be mindful of. We'll get back to there. But now, let's go. You go for the gold. Okay. So, so far we learned if it's on a cloth, it's the size of a anything. Make sure it's red. If it's not on a cloth, it's the size of a penny. Make sure it's red. Now, let's say, and even then, if it's on a pair, if it's on a piece of toy shoe or something like that, it could be probably as big as you want, but we'll get there in a moment. But let's say you get the gold. It's on a pair of white underwear, right? You all know the during a woman does what? She does a to start the I hope this we know. And then she does officially one every single day even two every single day the but at least the 147 that you all heard which by the way just because you once got she should do 147 does not mean that that's what she should do and you should ask some women yes some women no it's a question but she does every day what else does she do she wears white underwear on the white underwear where she sees what? She sees a stain which is red and bigger than a gris and bigger than a penny. So you think, "Okay, shoot. I finally got it and it's over." You bring the pair of underwear to the rub, which by the way, there's no reason to cut out the underwear. No reason at all. No reason. No reason. I I don't know why. I don't know why it's a thing. Embarrassing to show the embarrassing. Now listen, if you're in 50 years ago and you go bring a shout out to So then I could hear why you'd be embarrassed. Why? [snorts] Cuz with Shinberg, it's a right. Just like if you someone were to come over to me with a cup of seltzer and say, "Rav, what's the what?" I go say, "Quick, quick, come outside. Come around the corner." Oh, it's a shackle. Oh, I look at it and I say, "It's a shackle." Sober the front of the base would take. So, okay. If you're going to love that style, I could hear. I don't think they exist anymore. >> I don't think they exist. And if they do, I would love to meet one cuz that's a nostalgic world. Maybe maybe that is really rough. Maybe. Maybe. But since you're not going to that rub, there's no reason to cut out the underwear. Absolutely no reason. So, just like if you were to go to a doctor, Yeah. it would be the same thing. It's the same thing. You know, you're not going to take the urine specimen from the doctor and like camouflage it in like a snapple bottle. Like doctor, like you know, I don't it's embarrassing to give you the urine. So, here's a snapple bottle. Like, no, it's it's it's a urine sample cuz he's a doctor and that's that's what it is. It's it's it's a similar comparison. If you like the comparison, great. If that gross you out, you all finished eating, so it's okay. So, you don't have to cut out a pair of underwear. But even on the pair of underwear, it's bigger than the penny and it's red and you think it's a problem. You bring it to the rub and the rub says it's fine. Why? The answer is because again, is the entire stain bigger than a penny and red? Often you'll get a large stain, but it'll be multiple colors in the stain. And within the stain, there'll be different parts of it. And that's really where you need a season. I don't want to give a stat to say almost all are mut. I don't want to give that stat. I'll tell you why. That is the stat. Meaning almost all times a woman during Zion has a red stain on her underwear. Almost all times it's fine. That's a real stat. I don't want to give that stat cuz I gave that stat. A person called me out very upset. He said I hope he doesn't watch this. He said um uh um I went to ask Rabbi Shilah and he told me it's a problem. Okay, it happens. He [snorts] said I said what was it? He said it was a kissm. It was a stain on a pair of underwear. So in my brain, I'm going into the Okay. But you're right. Most stains on underwear are not a problem. So he was out of town wherever he was. And I thought maybe he asked the wrong roof. So we're trying to deal with it. And then you know he says, "Let me just send you a picture of it." Now whether rascan over a picture, I'll let whoever you're asking respond. You can't see colors over a picture. You just can't. It's not possible. You sometimes can see like if it's white. Yes. Yes. That you could see like here rabbi here's my you know that you can see but most rabin will should not be looking at at pictures. Even with all the technology in the world you just can't see perfect color over a picture. And if anything you'll end up being that's really what's just going to happen. So um so usually if someone says can I send you a picture? I'll say you could send it but I'm not passing you through a picture. Sometimes it'll just help just to gauge size as we're going to get to in a moment. back to our birth control staining. But he sent me a picture and I'm like, "Holy cow, what is going on here? Is everything okay?" He's like, "Why?" I'm like, [clears throat] "This is like this is like I could see it dripping. I could see the dripping red blood through the picture somehow. That's how red and and and deep and and and saturated it was and whatever the issue was was." So there are cases that aim of could be making women, but usually not. So again, let's go back. even though it's red and it's large and it's everything. Ask Ashila. That's basically the picture I wanted to paint. But now let's talk about birth control for a moment because that throws a tremendous monkey wrench into the whole story. Cuz when it comes to birth control, a woman stains. And when a woman stains, first of all, why does a woman stain? So this is what the doctor didn't tell you. The reason she's staining is because she's not taking the pill at exactly the same moment. For those who know, great. Those who this is could die to hear this whole sh for this one scientific detail. No doctors say this. Why not? Cuz they don't care if you stain. Who cares? So she stands a little bit. He called the doctor. My wife is staining on the birth control bill. He says, "Okay, so what's your problem? Is this normal?" Yes. Is it a problem? No. Is she protected? Yes. Okay. Why are you calling me? I don't know. I just wasn't sure what's going on. This wasn't regular. It's perfectly regular. The reason it happens is scientifically if she doesn't take the pill at exactly the same time then it could cause her to say. Now what does it mean exactly the same time? Every woman is different. There's no such rules. But but often it could be off of even minutes off. Literally. It's wild. It's wild. Wild wild. Woman takes it every day at 9:00 a.m. One day she takes it at 9:05. The next day she could stain. Are you kidding me? Yes, that does happen. Now if your wife is the OCD type, don't tell this to her without consulting with her of because it could make her crazy. But it is important to take it at the same time, which also stem on the topic of birth control. Just a disclaimer, an asterisk. Do with it as you please. It is a Shiloh. It should not be used flippantly. It should not be something that uh yeah, just do what you want. Birth control, borrow from your friends, your neighbors, you this, you that do it. Trussul also another aside what I just said. I know like some of you might have sounded normal. borrow from your friends. It We're Jews. We're Jews. We We don't We don't do these things. We don't do the borrow birth control from neighbors. [snorts] We don't do the discussion when is mikvah night. We don't do these things. Now, if one here says, "But I do for your own benefit." Seek a [clears throat] rabbi, Rob, friend, anyone. It will only help you in life. the more privacy one has in all areas of marriage. But certainly in the in yan intimacy, you'll just be a happier person 100%. So like you see on like a a group chat with like 150 people. Anyone have an extra this pill? What? So half the people are reading it don't know what the pill is. The other half the people who know what the pill is like, did he just ask for that in public? So that's not appropriate. It's not appropriate and but you say what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? I'm away. I left to pull it off. Blah blah. Okay. So that's where we have raon. We have doctors. We have medical professionals. And there are ways to figure it out without, as they say, airing your dirty laundry in public. But it's a sh of you should be on birth control in the first place. Nowadays, most will be make. You shouldn't be so scared about it. But it's something to talk about. It's something to talk about. So when it comes to staining, staining is a new world. And this is very important. I'm going to try to give over the flavor of the I say the flavor because there's no pure I'm about to give over because it's very challenging. And I recently told over a a story. I'll try to say a different story in case you know anyone wants to hear more more horror stories. But as follows. Staining means what did we just say? We just said you're taking your birth control pill and you take it a few minutes off the woman starts staining. What does it mean that she starts staining? That means stain means blood. So, [clears throat] she's actually bleeding. Okay. That woman that wiped herself and saw red on the tissue probably was because she's taking birth control and [clears throat] she missed the pill by a few minutes or hour or two or day and now there's blood. Real blood. Staining is blood. But it doesn't make her Anita. Very clear. It's blood. If anyone says, "Oh, the doctor told me it's blood." It is. I'm not arguing. But it still doesn't make her Anita until we get to a certain point. Cuz what makes a woman Anita in the first place? Maybe you were wondering why we didn't start there. What makes woman need does when she sees her period? I hope we know that. What does it mean to see her period? See her period. What does that mean? It is what it is. What should I tell you? She sees her period with all its glory. Those have it more challenging. Those have it less challenging. Whatever it is, makes your Now staining, there is a point, there's a point, a very gray point that staining becomes a period. And this is really where things get very complicated. This is really where you need an accomplished RV to help you because often, you know, breakthrough staining. I I'm I'm I'm using terms I hope you know if anyone just is confused, raise your hand and ask for the guy next to you. But you know people on birth control often what happens is you'll take a pill back to back. The doctors tell you to take it for one month and then let yourself bleed and then start again. But the guy says to his wife, "Wait, why do you why do you have to take the pill in the in the middle? I don't understand. This is like come on math. If you take this pill, you don't become an Eida. Take this pill, you become an Eido. Let's skip that guy and she if she knows or not I don't know maybe maybe she'll ask you're able to you're able to this is actually a place in which the abunam actually have more medical knowledge than the doctors because the doctors don't like saying this because officially the body needs to bleed and they don't like whatever lice are you able to go back to back how many times that'll leave up um you you'll see how many times eventually the body this is what happens she goes three months in a row okay she skips three placebo pills. She's gone straight, not become an eida. And all of a sudden, now everything seems fine. All of a sudden, she starts staining. Why am I staining? And then she's like, "Oh, well, it would have been that time a month, but I'm on the pill and I haven't bled in 3 and 1/2 months because I've been it's like a cork. Eventually, the cork loosens." That's just, you know, if you want to visual in your brain how the whole thing works, eventually it's going to got to come out. It's only that long you could hold it back. It's not really how it works. If anyone's a medical person here, I'm sorry. But for our feeble brains, let's just use it that way. Okay. So, she's starting to bleed. She's starting to stain. So, the first time she wipes herself and there's red on there. You say, "No, it's all good." Oh, I know. Luckily, you feel good about yourself. It's great the next time. But eventually, it's like it's a quantity of blood. It's quantity. She her underwear is a lot of blood on it and it's bigger and it's red and it's everything. Or maybe she puts on a pad and then she sees on the pad. It's literally it's laden with blood. So Shia need at this point. So this is a gray area of very very gray and this is up to the in the eyes of the RV to figure out at what point the quantity of blood that's coming out is what makes her anita. Why? Because it's a flow. Because it's a period. Now guys at this point say what do you mean? She knows it's her period, right? Usually the opposite. Usually the opposite. What do I mean? Usually because it is the time of her period. Okay. Your body feels like it's her period. Why? Because it is. I want we I want to get this detail clear because girls have a hard time with this. So maybe the guys at least can get it right just so we get the right and we'll deal with the emotional aspect a different time. That [snorts] was the last two weeks. But uh it's the time We're almost there. It's the time of her period. She's supposed to be getting her period now. She's not cuz she's taking birth control. It's the second, third, fourth month or the first month or she's on an IUD and things are just total haywire or she's on a different pill and things are just messed up. And that's what happens. By the way, you know, that's another reason to ask the rub before you go on birth control cuz he'll tell you what's going to happen. The doctor doesn't tell you. Yeah, there's some side effects, whatever you feel a little bit, you'll be fine. She's not fine. She doesn't feel good. And we start questioning whether this whole thing is worth it when she's a bundle of nerves. Keep shoot hormones. But let's not deal with any of that. So, it's coming the time. She says, "I feel my period. I feel the stomach cramps. I feel the headache. I feel all the symptoms of my period." And guess what? There's a large quantity of blood. So, she's convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that she's in need now. Is she? The answer is it's a question. And this is an area that I cannot give a a blanket because it's very very gray. Again, this is perhaps the most important case because this happens and it's very confusing because there's a large amount of blood. She feels like it's her period. It's the time of her period. So, usually the couple just throws in the towel. Now, let's remember sitting there Yeshua was he was from says. So, we take it seriously. We don't just flippantly say, "Okay, so we don't know what to do. Just pretend you're an EDA and move on in life." What's happening is is it is breakthrough bleeding and we have to see how much blood there is. Usually it becomes clear. What do I mean usually becomes clear? Cuz usually either it becomes a full-fledged period quickly or it stops quickly. That's usually what happens. No woman is usual. So often it falls in the middle that it doesn't stop quickly and it does become a full-fledged period and like we got this staining thing going on for a considerable amount of time, one day, two days. Okay, so she's putting on a pad and she's switching the pad. Uh this is where you need a seasoned RV to discuss it with cuz it's very very gray and it's not clear. But often often often again she's not a need until the end of the story. I'll share very quickly a story that recently just happened. And they shared last week is this happened to a woman. She thought she was pregnant. She did a pregnancy test, came up positive. Okay, great. Mto. And then two days later, she feels her stomach. Boom. Runs to the bathroom. Lot of blood comes out. So what does she think? Miscarriage. Miscarriage. She calls, messages actually. And I said, "Okay." Sounds like a miscarriage, which by the way, at such an early stage is usually what we call a chemical pregnancy. It's not a real pregnancy. Number one. Number two, important to know. Another thing that they don't share, miscarriages are so common. So common when you're bored, you could do the stat lookup and this maybe you could trust your computers about miscarriages. You you can't, by the way, because most people don't report early term miscarriages because why report them? What's there to report? So the stats are actually not so reputable. The Rapunam have good stats because we get to call when it happens. Lisa miscarriages are super common. Super super super common. And if it didn't happen to anyone, it might happen. And now you'll put in your brain and you'll know, okay, I'm not crazy. It's common. It's common. And it's important to know. It's important for women to know because it causes so much grief because they feel like, oh my gosh, mom is like the end of the world. It's never happened. I must be It happens. It's so common. I would give a stat, but whatever stat I give is wrong. It's very common. That's all I'm going to say. That's all I'm going to say. It's very, very common. So, that's what she thought it was. She thought it was an early miscarriage. Okay. So, she's like, "Am I an e?" I'm like, "Well, sort of. It's sounds that way, but like let's wait and see what happens." And usually in these stories, I always end with saying, "Talk to your doctor." Why do I talk to my doctor? Ju just make sure things are okay. Important. You know, guys get like a paper cut and we're like seeking medical attention. Your wife has blood coming out of her like like a like a whatnot. LIKE, NO, YOU'RE FINE. YOU'RE FINE. It's okay. It's okay. Take two apples and go to sleep. Like, hello. You know, she also should seek medical attention. Okay. Lisa, the postcript on the story was doctor, blood test, everything. She's 100% pregnant. She's Why is she bleeding? some medical term I don't remember I had it written down somewhere something hematoma that just means blood so some something going on and now the question was so she anida that was the question so I didn't deal with this they lived out of town I sent them to local ru who's absolut in this area and the postcript of the story was she wasn't anida and the reason was the rough del trying to figure out it wasn't a quantity of blood I tell this story because we have to realize that even when there's blood first of all number one seek medical attention when things happen cuz it's important Number two is that um even when there's a quantity of blood, even when it's not always clear. That's basically what I want to cover. I'm going to end I'm going to end in the last two minutes with with um uh with one more with one more important with one more important. But before we get there, let's just review. And if it sounded too basic, I apologize. I apologize. I hope I hope it wasn't. And if it was too basic to you, go home and share it with your wife. Tell her for me, I knew this. I'm just sharing with you because maybe you don't or the opposite. But if just this is enough, which is basically very simple on a cloth, the smallest dot of blood makes you an ask a shila why it might not be red. On anything else, anything there's blood on the floor of the shower, there's blood in the toilet. There's blood on the bed sheets. There's blood on the curtains. Still don't know how that one happened, but it did. There's blood. Yeah, some people have luck. What should I tell you? There's blood. Yeah, the guy saved in the phone as you know whatever. Either way, um that wasn't me. That was a different roughly saved in that way. I would never do such a thing. Um that is a real story. Um there's blood anywhere else. It needs to be a certain size. Even when it's the size, ask when a woman is on birth control or by the way similar post birth is similar. Even if she's not a birth control, she's nursing. Nursing is a natural birth control or the opposite. Birth control mimics nursing. Just we don't whatever. It's a similar story. Often a woman who's nursing, it's not. It's another good medical detail. Nursing is not 100% that she's not going to get pregnant. By the way, FYI. So if one is in a situation they feel like she can't get pregnant, ask a Shiloh. But nursing used to be 100% isal. This was what I referred to last in the beginning. It's not 100% anymore. But similarly when a woman is nursing often they have these breakthrough ble bleeding episodes and these are all very very regular and the answer is it has to be a quantity of blood she's allowed to put on a pad very important a pad it's a big sh during zikim most people try to stick with the white underwear a pad will not make a woman an eida we'll say it like that how to compute that in all the data you ask a sh but a pad will not but so she could put on a pad and then change it to see how much blood that there is The look I want to end with is that when a woman is not on birth control and a woman is in a regular month, if that exists, which I hope it does, there's something called Vestice. Yeah, I'm going to take the whole thing. I'm going to say it in 60 seconds. There's something called Vestice. And yes, there's apps and there's calendars and there's all these things, but it's real. If one day 30, we all remember day 30, day 30, day 31 or zua mayor. We got all involved in the hak and by the time we're married for six months, the whole thing went out the window. It's real and it's a it's a it's very which means very simply it's not so complicated on day 30 I'm going to stick to day 30 there's also the same day of the month and there's maybe day 31 and how you deal with it as a but at least on day 30 on day 30 she has to do one on that day say oh but we missed it she's user until She does that. So it's very important. It's very important. So we learned tonight what makes a woman anida. That's what we learned. That's what we learned. Now what makes her the other way? We mentioned the something called hopefully it's daily. And it should not hurt. That's a good thing to ask your wife if a badika hurts her. Like oh well it hurts cuz it's normal. It would hurt me also. You know you go too far up in the nose eventually it hurts also. No, it shouldn't hurt. I mean, she wasn't taught how to do it properly. And it is a big problem. It's not a problem. It just it shouldn't hurt her. And if it is hurting her, someone should call her up. Maybe she should call her to call a teacher. And there's no reason. It's not supposed to be painful. It's not supposed to be. And it's something to be mindful of because often it's Yeah, I keep on having shas and I keep on she doesn't get clean on day five. It should six and day seven and oh yeah, she mentioned it's painful. Yeah, cuz she's hurting herself. She's scratching herself every single time. And there's there's what to do. So it should be asked but on an she has to do one says hopefully with a heightened awareness a little bit of we should all be to have beautiful marriages. If you want to know what's the way to get what you spoke heard from the last two weeks. He has all the marriage therapy and all the schmoozan are important but taught us how to do it form is and it's a joint process husband and wife joined process to figure it out to get it right and if you're listening tonight and you're just so confused about everything great you're not 119 and being nifter tomorrow life is young find someone to ask a shila sit down with a rub for an hour get some clarity and if you think Okay, I knew this, but you know what? I'm sure my wife didn't know a lot of these things cuz there are certain times that she mentioned it's for sure this or for sure that. Have the conversation. Have the conversation. Bring awareness. And hopefully it should allow all of us to be to not only beautiful marriages, but also hopefully beautiful. There's no greater school for having good for having good kind for having a beautiful bias is if the bias is built with the appropriate with the appropriate Now that it's off camera,