R' Naftali Horowitz - Is wealth good for me - Atzmi 4

I have a friend. He came to me 25 years ago. He was a yumm. He was broke and he was working for a caterer making uh chopped liver. Somebody asked me to mentor him. I hired him. Took him on a business trip. He met his wife on that business trip. And I spent a year and a half mentoring him. Today he's married. He has seven six children. Many a he's a multi-millionaire. But most importantly, he is an extremely successful person. He called me on the way to the airport and he said, "Nafalia, I have to tell you a story. I just met a guy." And the guy says, "Ni, I remember you. you you were mamish the bottom of the pile. He says who were the people who were your mentors. So he told him a few people he mentioned my name and the guy said him. I hate him. He says you hate him. I hate him. He goes why do you hate him? Goes every time he speaks he speaks the truth and he makes me so uncomfortable. The guy was he wasn't saying it as a joke. I'm going to ask you permission to make you uncomfortable. I don't know. You come to Shabasati. It's beautiful. You can pick oranges off the trees. You probably I didn't see what the grounds look like. It's gayen over here. But if I don't make you feel uncomfortable this Shabas, I haven't done anything for you. You don't walk into the gym, right? And you don't lift a bag of feathers and go home. You paid money to come here. You took time. You took effort. You sat on the six for 4 and 1/2 hours like I did. I'm asking you permission to make you feel uncomfortable. Are we in agreement? Anyone who doesn't want to be uncomfortable, there's a whole beautiful place outside. You can pick oranges all night long. So I'm going to start I'm going to start with the first discomfort. You came here to learn something right? Yes. So let me tell you rule one in my life. If you see me sitting by a lecture and I don't have a pad and paper in front of me, I am telling you the reason why I'm there is because somebody asked me to do them a favor. But I don't think I'm going to learn anything from this person. Because if I was going to learn anything from this person, I would have a pad and paper. You heard a douche before me. It went into your head. Tomorrow morning with your coffee, it's poof gone. Whatever I'm going to say to you tonight, by the time Shabas is over and Mal is over, you're going to say, "Oh, Sunday morning, it's gone. You came here to learn. The next time I stand at this podium, if uh I even got invited back, every single person in this room should have a notebook and a pen. When you walk away from a weekend like this and you haven't learned something that you're going to implement, if you didn't write something down, my spoke here before. Did anybody see me sitting over there? What did I have? A piece of paper and a pen. As soon as he started speaking, I reached into my pocket. I realized I keep a pad with me. I keep a pad with me. When I learn something, when I hear something, when something fouls me down and cup, I take out my pad and I write it. I reached in. I didn't have my pad. I went to the guy in the front. He gave me pieces of paper from his copy machine and I took notes when spoke. Do I read the notes again? Not necessarily. By writing it down, I remember it. All right. Supposed to talk about money tonight and happiness. Okay. Fine. Let me start. I'm going to ask you a very simple question. Sounds like a stupid question, but it's a very, very serious question. If I gave you a choice to be wealthy or happy, but you can't have both. Again, you could be filthy rich, but you will be unhappy. I'm not asking you to raise your hands cuz I don't expect you to even know the answer. But I want you to think about it. Which one would you choose? Well, of course. But shaita, what shaita wants to be rich and unhappy? I'll tell you the truth. Most people will choose to be rich rather than to be happy. They have so decided that wealthy is what they want to be. They will do it at all costs. Course the says to them it's not going to be that way. He's exaggerating and I'm not saying it's going to be that way. But I'm telling you that you must think about this because there are going to be many choices in your life where is going to be absolutely clear to anybody who's looking with an unbiased mind that this road to wealth, this business decision, this undertaking is going to lead to unhappiness and fes as we say in yeshiva the language people will pursue it because to them wealth is more important than happiness. So everybody asks the question, can money buy you happiness? The answer is most people don't even care. They want it anyway. I'll ask you another question. If you look back at your life and you had a choice to have lived a life of seook is seepbook the same thing as happiness not in our definition. If you had a choice to live a life of sebook or happiness which one would you choose? You look back at a life of struggle, stress, anxiety, pressure, tremendous accomplishment, or what Western society calls happiness? Which one would you choose? Think about this a whole shabas because I could tell you right now if you don't know the answer to these questions I can't guarantee what path your life's going to take what's happiness I have no idea am I happy I don't spend one second thinking about it happiness is a word that the psychologists and Americans in society HAS YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO pursue happiness and WE LISTEN TO STUDIES 95% of people are happy money can buy you happiness it can't buy you happiness depends how much money you have I don't know do you know anywhere in the Tyra show me one source in MS that talks about happiness and money in the same sentence it doesn't exist we have a concept called what does mean? I am happy with my life. Does that mean that I walk around with a big fat smile? You think that sit and listen to people's problems all day long that know what's going on inside of ye shahaza the struggles today? You name it. healthim kids at risk depression anxiety suicides I'm not a therapist but I'm a therapist I'm not a roof but I'm a roof what I here in a week I used to go into my office once a week twice a week close the door and cry today once to twice a week at minimum where it just gets too much I don't know are you happy. I I have no I'm not even thinking about it. I wasn't put here to be happy. Was I put here to be happy? I was put here to accomplish what is happiness to me. If I look back at a week and I squeezed my kishkas out, I used every minute. I helped yikenda. Am I happy? I think I'm very happy. But would a guy who looks at me think I'm happy? People ask me when was the last time I took a vacation? And the answer is I don't remember. But it was definitely more than 10 years ago. What's my definition of vacation? I don't have a definition. It's sitting by a pool that I don't go into on the phone all day dealing with people, but I'm looking at a pool or I'm walking around here. A guy looks at me and says, "I must be the most unhappy person." But the answer is I want to be I want se I want to accomplish today's definition of happiness. I don't know what it means, but I can tell you one thing. It has nothing to do with us. Aid was put here. A person could toil. A person could sweat. A person can carry around the stresses and the pressures of this world in them as great people do. And if that is our definition of happiness, does money facilitate happiness? The answer is without a question. Without a question, having money reduces certain stresses. It gives you certain independence which allows you to use your time and your resources towards things that give you sep rightem. I don't have to go to an office. I have a team that works for me. I could write books. I could help Eden. I could lecture. Nobody at Morgan Stanley cares if I spend a week here or two weeks here. Doesn't make a difference there. Money buys me tremendous amount of seuk. I don't have to think about bills. Barashem. So it's possible that money can help facilitate. But in reality, all the things that actually bring happiness, money cannot buy. That's the reality. So when they say can money buy happiness, let's take what said before friendships. Do you do you does money facilitate friendships? Relationships. What do you think? Do you have Do you have more relationships or real relationships when you're wealthy or fewer relationships when you're wealthy? How many of you think fewer? Raise your hand. How many of you think more? Raise your hand. Okay, I'll tell you a story. When the famous Bernie Maid off Ponzi scheme hit the papers, I had a client who called me up and she said to me, "I needed to speak to my next door neighbor. She lives in a very expensive gated community in Palm Springs and she says her neighbor hasn't come out of her house in a week. Her husband had died, left $50 million estate. All the money was with Bernie Maid off. This woman woke up one morning, a Friday morning. She read the newspapers and she found out she's absolutely flat out broke. Flat out broke. She locked herself in there and she never she didn't want to come out. She asked me to please call her. And she said, "I don't want you to call her as a financial adviser. I want you to call her as a rabbi." Jewish woman, not from I called her up and she said to me, she said that if not for the fact that she has some grandchildren, she would have committed suicide already. She lost everything. So a person has something called a net worth and then a person has something called selfworth, right? Are they the same thing? For a lot of people, they are. One of the problems with with wealth is is that you associate your selfworth with your net worth and this is the world you're going into and this is the world you're already in. And I bet you many of you are thinking this way. I am how much money I have. So what happens if all that goes away? You don't just lose purchasing power, you lose your entire self. She said to me, "Yesterday I was a somebody. Today I'm a nobody." And after she spilled out her guts to me because she knew that she just lost all her friends. Maybe maybe there's one friend out there. Maybe she doesn't know. She'll find out. She'll find out how many people were really her friends and how many were not. But I can assure you the answer is that if a person doesn't if if a person doesn't appreciate that wealth will build fake relationships, unhealthy relationships, shallow relationships, and they don't think that this is going to take a toll on their life. The reality is that wealthy people tend to be lonier. You know why they're lonier? Because they have to keep up this facade with their friends that everything's great. Everything's great. They have nobody to actually unbburden to except their therapist. They don't have any real friends. So I told this woman, I said, "You are wrong. Yesterday you were a nobody. Today you can become a somebody. You found out in ONE HEADLINE THAT YOUR LIFE WAS A FRAUD. THAT NOBODY REALLY CARES ABOUT YOU. Instead of investing your time and effort in building real relationships, you were using your so-called status to attract fake ones. And that's the society we live in. That's the society we live in. And I said this on one of the podcasts that one of the challenges of wealth is you don't really know who your friends are. You can only find out you lose all your wealth. So relationships, you don't yet appreciate how important relationships are. RELATIONSHIPS TAKE TIME. THEY TAKE EFFORT. You can't buy them. Yes, the Misha says that means that when your friend needs something, you have to be there even if it means writing a check. But the reality is we don't use money to build real relationships. We use money to buy fake relationships. the people who like your car and the people who like your watch and the people that like your home or whatever it is, they're not friends. What's the next thing? What else gives people sebook? Hard work. Making something out of yourself. Be honest with yourself. YOU WANT TO make money or you want to make a quick buck. You're willing to shvitz for 25 years to make it, 30 years to make it or do you want to play the scratch off or find the next hottest who knows what and buy options on it and wake up one day wealthy. You want to win the lottery. No, who doesn't want to win the lottery? HOW MUCH SEAT BOOK and happiness comes from a person who wins the lottery? Go look at the statistics. How many of them are bankrupt and how many of them commit suicide? BECAUSE THERE'S NO SEBOOK IN MONEY THAT you did in shvitz for the reason is because to make money honestly you have to work on yourself. You have to build discipline. You have to be accountable for your time. The money is is NOT WHAT YOU GET SEEP FROM. The money is just like you know you won THE PRIZE BECAUSE YOU FINISHED SH so you got the highest mark on the fahar and they give you a set of the satisim is just the trophy for having built yourself into a better machine than everybody else so that you became successful. THE MONEY IS A BYPRODUCT IF IT COMES. The sea comes from looking back 10 years, 20 years from now and saying I used TO GET UP AT 1:00 IN THE morning at 1:00 IN THE AFTERNOON. NOW I GET UP EVERY SINGLE DAY AT 6:30 AND I'M MY SHAK. I'M IN THE OFFICE BY 9. I HAVE A AT NIGHT. I LEARN ON SUNDAY. I learn ON CHABAS. I BUILT A COMPANY FROM SCRATCH AND TODAY IT'S A MULTI-MILLION dollar company employing OTHER YEAKINDA. THAT MY FRIENDS is coming out of the Eid hard work. Giving giving gives a person sepek. The problem today is the pursuit of wealth. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. When I make 20 million, I'LL I'LL START GIVING. 40 MILLION, I'll start giving. 60 million, I'll start giving. 80 million, I'll start giving. AND THEN WHAT DO YOU GIVE? WHAT DO WE GIVE? WE HAVE BILLIONAIRES IN CLA TODAY, BUT THERE'S STILL KIDS WHO GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT WITHOUT HAVING EATEN SUPPER. I'M ON THE BOARD OF FIVE MISTERS. THEY'RE ALL ONE PAYCHECK AWAY FROM BANKRUPTCY. This one's fetching. Oh, real estate's not so good right now. Nursing homes are not so good right now. This is not so good now. NOW THAT'S A MEANWHILE, WHY? CUZ LAST year I made 40 million. This year I'm only making 10 million. So I feel poor. I feel poor. I feel poor. You think it's so easy? You think the Messiah of Ashirus is so easy? Yeah, I have $10 million. Why wouldn't I give away a million? It's only my s a million dollars. Crazy. Who gives away a million dollars? People work their whole LIFE TO MAKE A I'M GOING TO GIVE AWAY A MILLION DOLLARS. WELL, you out of your mind. So where's the sebook? I said to a client the other day, very big sodaka. He's not from he likes when I use the shalom. I said to him, Phipe, we sat at a meeting. I said, we had a very good year. We made you made $18 million. He goes, "Who cares?" I said, "I know." It's like, imagine you have this big pile of snow. Yeah. And sleep this year. We threw three more shovels of snow on top of the pile. Leaves, snow, call it whatever you want. We keep shoveling it into the bag. Right. It's a game. It's a game. You think it's so easy. It's not. It's addictive. It's a game. The is wonderful at this. You don't even How many people? Ben Tyra who I went to YESHIVA WITH WHO LOST THEIR MINDS. I would have never seen it happen. Another deal. Another deal. Another deal. Another deal. ANOTHER DEAL. WHAT? WHERE? FOR WHAT? YOU WANT TO BE THE richest corpse in the cemetery? WHERE'S THE SEBOOK? WHERE'S the sea comes from knowledge also? Knowledge. You know how important knowledge is? That's why I'm I'm I'm It hurts me that there's no pads in this room. You learn something, you kind it, you incorporate it. AND 10 YEARS FROM NOW, YOU'RE STANDING AT THIS PODIUM. HOW MANY PEOPLE IN this room? 140 people? 150 people? I don't know. You know, Wall Street, there's something called leverage. Who knows what leverage means? Anyone raise your hand? Yeah. What's leverage? No, come on. >> You what? >> You use a small uh it's capital small amount of capital get you get something bigger to something. >> So if you have a dollar and you put it into a stock that goes up 100% you made a dollar. But if you have a dollar and you borrow $10 or $9 and you invest 10, right, then you make $10. That's what leverage is, right? People use leverage all the time. Options are leveraged. It's possible for a person to die after 120 years. And they say, "My name Mosha, you were on this world 120 years, but you actually lived 12,000 years." How 12,000 years? How can I live 12,000 years? How's that possible? It's very simple. Very simple. If I speak here for one hour and there's 150 of you in the room, I lived 150 hours. Somebody asked me why I wrote a book. I said it's the ultimate leverage. Ultimate leverage. 25,000 50,000 people read my book. 25,000 people read a book. Imagine how many hours it took me to write that book. I magnify each time each one by 25,000. You understand? But it's even more than that. It's much more than that. Cuz if you learn something and you incorporate it and you improve and you teach somebody else, then you are actually invested in him, his children, his grandchildren, his great-grandchildren and all the people that he influences. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SEOOK THAT COULD GET? CAN YOU IMAGINE the se of the when he left this world leaving the mish and all the that he wrote THAT UNTIL TODAY HE'S EARNING dividends on his work that ceased to exist over 100 years ago. Can you imagine the sebook of the when he left this world realizing what he was leaving behind as said before what's going to matter on the last day knowledge TAKES TIME TAKES effort said that people keep telling him they're so bored is anybody in this room bored I'll buy your time off cuz I don't have enough time. I'm willing to pay you. Give me your time. Cuz if somebody's bored, then they don't understand where SEA comes from. If I'll give you something to watch, I'll give you a new pleasure you never had before. I don't know, a flavor of ice cream or I don't know what is that going to give you. receipt book. Pick up a safer, pick up a book, make something of yourself and imagine how many people you can influence. WHO ARE GOING TO STAND AT THESE PODIUMS 25 YEARS FROM NOW? NOT ME. WHO? WHO'S GOING TO SHLE YOUR GENERATION AND ONE AFTER YOU OUT OF THE SHIS OF THIS WORLD? WHO? NOT ME. YOU, ONE OF YOU, TWO OF YOU, THREE OF YOU. HOW'S THAT GONNA HAPPEN from YouTube, WhatsApp or who whatever you're watching out there? Not you. The people out there are watching. No, think about it. You want happiness, BE THE MASHIA OF THE UP AND COMINGING GENERATION. Can money help? Of course, IT COULD HELP. THE only reason why the abunishm put ME WHERE I AM WITHOUT A QUESTION IS SO THAT YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. If I told you I work in the mail room at Morgan Stanley and I used to work at the mail room at JP Morgan, I can assure you the only person in this room would be the cameraman. Nobody would be interested WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. Nobody would read my book. Nobody would see my podcast. Oh. Oh. So let me hear what he has to say. Does my wealth facilitate sepek? Of course it does. I leverage it. I USE IT. I GET KIDS INTO YESHIVA. I had a kid come to my house last week. He dropped out of yeshiva and sicus. He's not going to anymore. He's done. He's finished. He's out of the system. He's 19 years old. Doesn't want to talk to anybody anymore. He went to three therapists. He's done. Leave me alone. His mother called me up. What should I do? I said get get him to come to my house. So he comes to my house. Say to him, Ruvane, why are you here? My mother made me come. I said, oh, okay, good. So you're here. Wonderful. I told him I'm very very busy. I I actually have a Zoom call that I'm really supposed to be on. I'll tell you what, make yourself at home. I have cookies. I have cake. I have a cappuccino machine. enjoy yourself for a half hour and then you could leave and tell your mother you were here. I'll have my half hour and you can have your cappuccino and we're going to remain friends. And so I told him. So he says, "Well, you know, maybe I should talk to you while I'm here." I said, "Okay, if you want to talk, I'll give you a half hour." So he says, "Can you help me?" I said, "Help you out?" He says, 'I don't know. I said, ' Okay, let's try. I said, 'What do you want to accomplish in this world? He said, 'I want to be successful. What does that mean to you? I don't need to be a millionaire. I just want to have enough money. Okay, what else do you want to have? I want to get married. Very good. I want to have children. Beautiful. Amazing. What could be better? I said you're 19 years old. What stands between you and that happening? >> You have to go back to yeshiva. >> I said no. No. Have to go back to what is the thing that stands between you and them. Between them now and then. You have to learn something. What is that something? He was clueless. I didn't expect him to answer. If you could answer that question, he wouldn't be there. I said, 'You need to learn something that if you don't learn it, there will be no successful marriage, no successful children, and no success in business. It's one word I told him. It's called discipline. Anybody want to tell me what discipline means? Cuz he couldn't. I asked him, "Do you know what discipline?" He goes, "Of course I know what discipline is." Go explain it to me. Well, can't really explain it. So, as Miv say right, but it's true. Can't explain something then you don't know what it is. What is the definition of discipline? Somebody don't be afraid. Come on, tell me. Stand up. What's the definition of discipline? >> Knowing your boundaries. >> Come on. Give me give me one sentence that tightens up all discipline. Self control. >> Self-control is a part of discipline. What discipline is doing what you know is right even when it's difficult. Period. That is discipline. This is what I must do. This is what I do. It's difficult. Yes. That's why it takes discipline. DOES ANYBODY HERE NEED DISCIPLINE to eat a chocolate sundae ice cream or finish off a bag of potato chips? Did you ever have to sit down and really work out it or they're going to serve I don't know what soon ychick? Does it take a lot of discipline to eat yacht chick? No, it doesn't. But if you're overweight and you know you shouldn't eat yap chick, not eating yacht takes discipline. So I told him, "Do you know why Jewish people are the most successful people in the history of mankind? Let's take all the Yiddish kite out of it, cuz this kid's not interested in Yiddish." What about Judaism makes Jews go to the top of every single discipline in the world? law, science, accounting, finance, BIOTECH, GO ANYWHERE. JEWS, JEWS, JEWS, GOVERNMENT, JEWS, JEWS, JEWS. The guy, right? We run the world, right? What is it? I'M NOT USING NOW BECAUSE GO BACK TO WHAT IS IT? I SAID WE ARE THE MOST DISCIPLINED PEOPLE ON PLANET EARTH. WE CAN'T EAT THIS. We must eat that. We can't drive that. When, where, when, how, where we look, what we say, what we eat, what we wear. So I said to him, I don't care if you go back to yeshiva, but if YOU DON'T, YOU MUST join the army. I'm serious. I was I I said this with a straight face. I said either you go back to yeshiva or you join the army but if you don't do either I'm sorry to tell you it will be absolutely impossible for you to achieve what you want to achieve. Kid went home on his way into his room. His mother went like this or like this and he went went into his room. He locked the door. I gave him a copy of my book. Came out the next morning. He says, "Mommy, I'm going back to This on one hand breaks my heart on the other hand it gives me tremendous sebook where does happiness fit into that I really can't tell you I I don't know where to find it seuk a book went back to yeshiva a book is going to bring up dyus to me that's tremendous I can't tell you what has happened did my money help it of course he came to talk to me because of my status. He didn't come to talk to me because I'm avail he's not interested in that. He's interested in my title and my title allows me to administer yiddish kite in a way that when raim do it some people hold their ears unfortunately because you think that the raon are somehow out of touch. So we have knowledge, we have relationships, we have accomplishments, we have hard work and we have giving. So I'm just going to tell this to you. If you have a crystal ball or you have a nui in your family and they told you that you will never be wealthy, the answer is it doesn't make a flip of a difference. Every single thing I just told you can just as not just as easily but can certainly be accomplished. The didn't have a penny. Neither the Kaz and neither the Zidis who were mashim of tens of thousands and believe me they were happier than Elon Musk, Warren Buffett, Bill Gates all combined. Now, let's talk about money because I'm not telling any of you not to try to become wealthy. I'm just going to warn you that it's dangerous. You're playing with fire. Rebel Mai the nine generations back gave a that nole of his should ever become wealthy my told it to me I came home crying told my father I don't want to be my father said don't worry the saya who's seven generations back and I'm Benaben there was a there's a lady in between he was his children will be will be aided so You're good. You're good. No, but seriously, what would the what was the Reb Malik doing? He knew that wealth is playing with fire cuz the eight Sahara that wealth introduces is today in our generation almost insurmountable. Very very few people come out of the nion of wealth unscathed. very few. And in what I do for a living, I see it up close and personal. I see what I call the casualties of wealth. So, let me first talk about the biggest casualty of wealth is unhappiness. Yes, money can facilitate happiness, but it can facilitate even deeper unhappiness. And that's why every single one of my wealthy clients has a therapist. I'm not saying every one of my clients is unhappy, but the ones that are happy have nothing to do with their wealth. Desler writes an unbelievable thing. He says that the gives a person a drive to grow. Growth by nature requires a person to acquire something they don't yet have. If you want to acquire knowledge, it's outside of you. If you want to acquire a new skill set, you want to learn how to play the piano or the violin, the drive is to bring something outside of you into you. It's very simple. That's how we move forward. That's how we get up in the morning. If life was just stagnant, same thing every single day, there would be no no gishmak person was wired wired to become more. We're looking we're looking to acquire we're looking to make acquisitions. And he says that the interesting thing is is that once you acquire the thing when it's material, let me let me back up one more second. Can we talk a little kabul? It's very Thursday night, right? You know the three aspects of nama the shama. It's ru. Yeah. You all learn anything. Okay. The definition of nefes is the lowest aspect of the person comes from the word which means desire. All desires come from the ne the is the which could go either up or down. It could get pulled down into the body or it can get pulled up into the nish. So a person is out to acquire. He's out on an acquisition acquisition spree. The nephesh is what's pushing him. You feel and people express I I have this this hole in me. This this void. You know what a void means? I'm not talking about your stomach. I'm talking about your actual your nephesh. So the neph could be driven down and you acquire money, possessions, fame, all the things that stay in this world when you leave or the nephish could get pulled up and you can acquire knowledge mitzvah mim in the next world depends where's the nephesh going says destler when the nephesh is pulled down the vaggoian writes as Whatever it drinks just makes it thirstier. I'll give you a push. Any of you ever save up money to buy something something you really wanted? You had your mind on it. You had your heart set on it. I want this thing. I You imagine how you're going to feel when you get that thing. People they the car and they pick out the car and they wait for the car and they the the the the this model Rolex. It's not even in stock yet, but when it comes in and you have a picture of it and you can't wait and then it finally comes and you're going to pick it up and everything is all this anticipation and then you get it and then a week later. Yeah. You know why, Cesar Desler? Cuz the whole of the thing was because it was outside of you. It's because you didn't have it that you wanted it. THE MINUTE YOU HAVE IT, you don't need it anymore because you never REALLY NEEDED IT. PERSON THAT'S HUNGRY, person that's thirsty takes a glass of water, he's full because he had a physiological need to drink a glass of water. HE DRINKS THE WATER, HE'S DONE, HE'S FINISHED. HE GOES, BUT A PERSON WHO eats because he's obsessed with food, there is no physiological need to eat. HE EATS BECAUSE HE LIKES TO EAT AND the minute he eats doesn't mean anything anymore. HE EATS SOMETHING ELSE. SAYS DESTLER THAT WHEN A PERSON is on a spree of acquiring possessions, it's an ever ne never ending chain of unhappiness BECAUSE EACH TIME HE DOES IT, he feels emptier. He feels like it's not working. I'M GOING TO TRY SOMETHING ELSE. It's not working. After a while, he becomes depressed. Midlife crisis. I tried scuba diving. I tried bungee jumping. I've been to Gibralar. I've been on a safari to SOUTH AFRICA. I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING. WHY DO I feel so miserable? Ah, cuz you didn't go to Iceland. Oh, you're right. I didn't go to Iceland. You think I'm joking? I talk to these people all day long. Where'd you go? We went on a cruise. Which cruise? Oh, well, we never did before. Two days later, it's a bad mood. Why? Because it's impossible. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. You're never happy. Let's take the reverse. Person goes out to acquire knowledge, starts yes, writes a safer, teaches, BECOMES A BETTER PERSON. YES, he's hungrier because he's so satiated. HE FEELS SO G FROM WHAT HE DID THAT HE WANTS TO [screaming] DO IT AGAIN AND MORE AND BIGGER. BUT HE DOESN'T LOSE WHAT HE HAS. HE FEELS BETTER. HE FEELS FULLER. HE FEELS SEOOK. That's what seep means. Fulfillment. FULFILLMENT MEANS I'M FULL. BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN I WANT I WANT MORE. I want more. Cuz it's so gush. IT'S I WANT TO DO IT AGAIN. I'M ADDICTED to it. It's just as addictive. The only difference is that here you have se and here you have depression and unhappiness. It's true. We don't want to hear it. We want to buy into the narrative of the this migous street that we live in. Get a bigger this. Get a bigger that. But look, it doesn't work. I'll tell you another interesting thing. This does come from the world of psychology and it's true. A person has a certain baseline of happiness. You know what I'm talking about. People are happier and people are unhappier. That's it. They did a study on lottery winners. Yeah. So, let's say you had a lottery winner. He was always at a baseline seven. That's was his happiness. And all a sudden he wins the lottery. He finds out he's worth $25 million. What happens? Shoots up to 10, right? They go back a year later. Guess where he is? What? If he's lucky, he's only seven. very possibly he's a four, but even at best case scenario, he is a seventh. They did the exact same study on somebody that's in a car accident and became a parapolgic. You can look up the study. Somebody lost the use of their legs or arms or both and they were a seven and they dropped down to a three. A year later, where are they? Seven makes no difference. They only go back to the baseline has psych psychologists. We as Ben know that there are way real ways to move your baseline of up by doing the things I told you and by learning learning appreciation. Most of us don't appreciate how good we have it. So he ask you how's life? Eh really do you have yan maka? No. Did you wake up this morning and you could see with both eyes? Yes. Are you healthy? You were born a Eid. Ifem you have two parents. You have people that care about you. You're not living in the street. You weren't born in the Bronx to non-Jewish parents. We could work on our baseline. There's ways to actually move your baseline up, but buying stuff will not budge your baseline. Not one iota. And if it does, it's only for a short period of time and then you go back to where you are. So you should all go out and become tremendous. I'm giving you I gota my that I should become the gir but I want you to be a wealthy person. I want you to be a real gave a gave who doesn't build his self-worth on his net worth. a giver who has real relationships. I told a story on a podcast. It was very very popular story. It popped into my head while I was sitting there. Can't tell you how many thousands of emails I've gotten from I have a client, his name is Michael. He's a billionaire. He had a CFO. He's not alive anymore. The CFO whose name was also Michael. This client lives in Chicago and um I've been working with him for many many years and nothing ever happened without his CFO Michael. They were close like this. Close like this. Once I was sitting with them and I said to them h how did this relationship come about? I mean these people are closer than brothers. Closer than brothers. So we'll call them Michael A and Michael B. Michael A is the wealthy guy. Michael B is the guy who works for him. Michael A says to me, "I grew up poor. So poor that on many days I didn't even have a sandwich for lunch." He points to Michael B and he says, "He always had a sandwich and never once did he not cut a sandwich in half and give me half." He says, "I have one friend in the world, him. Because I know that no matter what happens to my money, he was there for me and he will be there for me. Everybody else, he says, are just acquaintances." When you're wealthy, everybody wants to be your friend. And you're ga Wow, so many friends. Everybody knows me. I have so many friends. Who doesn't know me? I'm famous. I'm famous. Yeah, sure. I mean, I have real friends. I have a real life. Like this lady until Bernie Maid off told her otherwise. Yeah, but you think deep down you don't know. You think deep down these people don't know. They are so imshed in their self-worth. Their self-esteem is so imshed in their self-worth that they can't even imagine. There would be no there would be no them if anything happened. You know what kind of anxiety that leads to? It's like walking around on eggshells your whole life. You're walking on thin ice. Imagine they lose their money, lose everything. What kind of life is that? What kind of foundation do they stand on? Where's their self-esteem? There's so much depression out there. There's so much unhappiness. As Kaim said, we live in the wealthiest generation in the history of mankind. Claus has more wealth today than we probably had cumulatively. Do you know what CUMULATIVE MEANS? ALL THE MONEY FOR the last 500 years. You add it all up. We have more than that today. Where's the return on equity as we call it in Wall Street? Where are our returns on equity? Our divorce rates down. Our kids not leaving Yeishkite. Our therapists have their their their they must have empty offices. Must be going out of business. The anti-depressant drug market should be falling like this. I'm not just talking Eden. I'm talking about G The lifestyles that we live today, the the amount of years that we live and the conveniences that we have, it's unbelievable. We should be the happiest generation in the history of mankind. What's wrong with us? What's not working? What's wrong? says, he says, he says in he says that person's born with a body and a soul, a sham and a goof. He says and the goof talks about the the the ways that the goof has an upper hand over the body. It was here before. We need to take care of it all day. This world is all about gnus. He gives a bunch of reasons. When I taugh a few years ago when I was teaching, I came up with another another reason. Very simple. If it's hot in this room, what do you do? Turn on the air conditioner. Right. Everybody agrees. You turn on the air conditioner. Do you eat cholant? Let's hand in this room. Do you go eat cholant? No, you don't. Right. Nobody ever did that before. Right. If you're tired, do you turn on the air conditioner? No, you go to sleep. Right. You go to sleep. If you're hungry, you don't go to sleep. You eat, right? It's pretty clear. The body is very clear. Talks very clearly. I'm hungry. I'm tired. I need a shower. Right? I'm hot. I'm cold. Good. Wonderful. And we don't misinterpret it. Nobody ever misinterprets the body. How does the nishama speak? How's it talked to us? Anyone? It's a fourletter word. It's called mood. your mood. You're depressed. What do you do? You turn on the air conditioning, right? I'm so depressed. So, what do I do? Turn on the air conditioning. You need chant. I'm joking. You go out and buy something. You go hack around. You hang out with your friends. You watch a YouTube, right? I'm bored. What is boredom? What's boredom? What's boredom? Do cows get bored? You ever watch a cow? I have a fish tank in my house. Beautiful fish tank. This is what they do all day. All day. All day. Happiest things in the world. You have to see them. They're gorgeous. I watch them all day. Mish. It keeps me. It's it's instead of being on anti-drug, anti-depressant drugs, sometimes I just watch my fish. Sometimes I wish I could just jump in there and be one of them just go all day long back and forth. I always feel bad the tank is so they should get a bigger tank. They don't even care. They're happy. Does a fish get bored? No. Doesn't get bored. Cows don't get bored. Do you get bored? Anyone here ever got bored in their life? No. None of you. Never. That happened. He did. We have a guy who got boredem. Shoo. Sometimes nobody gets bored and I'm like stuck. Okay. Where does boredom come from? Where does BOREDOM COME FROM? WHO'S TALKING TO YOU? WHO? WHO'S TALKING? IT CAN'T BE YOUR GO BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE SAME GO AS A COW. Who is talking TO YOU? YOUR NAM IS TELLING YOU THEY SLEPT ME OUT FROM UNDER THE COVER AND I'M SITTING ON THIS WORLD AND ROTTING AWAY AND GETTING MOLDY. THAT'S WHO'S TALKING TO YOU. SO WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU TURN ON THE AIR CONDITIONER. YOU BUY OBJECT. YOU'RE DEPRESSED. I'M SO DEPRESSED. GET OUT THERE. SEE THE WORLD. EXCITE YOURSELF. ENERGIZE YOURSELF. SANITATE YOURSELF. MEDITATE YOURSELF. DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. Who's talking TO YOU WHEN YOU'RE DEPRESSED? WHO'S TALKING TO YOU? Y SAYS THE depression is the result of a person throwing down the toilet. I gave you and this is what you're doing with it. That's where depression comes from. UNHAPPINESS. I NEED MORE MONEY TO BE HAPPY. REALLY? WHO'S TALKING TO YOU? LISTEN TO YOUR SOUL. YOU'RE BORED. YOU'RE DEPRESSED. You're anxious. YOU'RE CONFUSED. LOOK TO THE NISHAMA. Don't look to the gulf. I'm telling you, it's not going to work. Money is a cheap way to quiet boredom, to buy yourself a pill for depression or a therapist for depression, to distract yourself from depression and confusion and everything else. That's the nish's way of saying wake up time is running out. And if you have money and you appreciate what it was given to you for FET THERE'S NO BOREDOM. THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO. I'm going to end with one other point. I did an experiment once with a group of Syrian kids. I was trying to demonstrate the difference between sebook and pleasure and I'm talking about invest pleasure. I'm not talking about the tanug that the says that yarmama came from a place which is called tinig. I'm talking about real tiny versus this world tinig. I asked two boys to stand up. I asked a boy to stand up who had once had a meal that cost more than $250. Almost the whole room stood up because they're Syrian kids and they all had such meals. One kid stood up. He's standing over there. Then I asked the kid to stand up. who made a on a ma of Gumar and another kid stood up right I could do this to you but I'm not going to embarrass any of you the are much more inhibited the the the Syrian kids they don't care so this kid stood up and I said I want you to close your eyes I want you to close your eyes this is a very powerful experiment I want you to relive that meal relive Close your eyes. I want you to remember what it tastes like. He's closing his eyes. I said, "No, it was in this in this restaurant. My granddaddy took us out for his birthday. I ordered a steak with side dishes and I didn't ask you that. I want you to relive what it tasted like. I can't. Can any of you relive supper tonight? Can you relive supper tonight? No, you can't. But by tomorrow afternoon, you wouldn't even remember what you ate. Did any of you ever make a on? Anyone? Yeah. Someone. Come on. Come on. We're all friends here. Come on. Really? Seriously. Should I tell you about my first sea? My first sea. I was 12 years old. My parents came up from the country from the from the city in those days. My father didn't have a car with air conditioning. Didn't even have a car with air conditioning. My parents came up to see my sea. I remember standing at the podium. My rabbi gave me a a a safe capus tomorrow which I still have engraved. If I start to relive the cm now, I'll cry. If I relive my first semas, I'll cry. If I relive my second cashas, I'll cry. If I relive the f the first time I opened up my safety and got le in it, I'll cry. I can absolutely positively recall every meaningful thing that I did that touched my nisham, but I cannot recall the taste of that long hog dog that I ate tonight or what it felt like to earn my first million dollars. I HAVE ZERO RECOLLECTION OF WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO EARN MY FIRST million dollars. HOW COULD THAT BE? THE ANSWER IS VERY very posh. Pleasure of this world goes where here where does this end up? Down there when I have no idea but that's where it's going. Raunch created a world inside of what's called spacetime. And every single physical material experience stays inside of spaceime. That's the way it works. And there's nothing about it whatsoever. Kain when you make that first see him and you shvitz your head off and you brought nakas to your parents and you felt like you were on top of the world and you felt like you just started because there's so many more mountains to climb and you felt this deep inner se I can't believe I'm standing here and I'm making a THAT NEVER GOES AWAY CUZ IT'S in In the next world, it's going to be here for all eternity. There's no forgetfulness. Says that a person leaves this world, he goes to the next world. Every single he ever learned he takes to the next world. Even if he physically forgot it on this world, his has no there's no says in the think about the think about real time real pleasure when you take money and you marry off an orphan. You pay limit for a kid who lost his father when he was two years old and you watch the kid grow two three five 10 mitzvah. You go to his and you see this child at and you see and you know that you were an early investor preipo in my language. You know what that sebook feels like when a person needs surgery and you have money and you write a check and a woman gets back her hearing. You understand what that sebook means? YOU CAN COMPARE THAT to a Range Rover to flying first class for 10 hours sitting there like a pudit every 3 minutes. Would you like some champagne, sir? Sure. LEAVE ME ALONE. I DON'T DRINK CHAMPAGNE AT HOME. I DON'T DRINK IT ON A PLANE. LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU COULDN'T COMPARE THE TWO. MR. I WAS SITTING I I I SIT ON THE PLANE. I LOOK AT THESE PEOPLE GOING TO FIRST CLASS. HALF OF THEM ARE PAYING ON CREDIT CARDS for what? I NEED THIS GUILT. YOU KNOW WHAT $10,000 COULD BUY YOU AND HIS THR. YOU KNOW HOW MANY CALLOUS he can marry you off? You're sure you're going to YOU'RE GOING TO THROW IT AWAY ON 10 HOURS IN A STUPID seat that goes like this? WHO CARES? DO I LOOK any worse off than I slept like this on the plane? That's the only reason why you should want it. AND THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD GO OUT AND become every one of you. But when it comes to THAT STUPID CAR and the house that pokes at everybody's eyes and ruining the next generation and the generation after that bring up a bunch of spoiled brats, don't go near it. I'm begging you. Money can buy you nitis. Money could buy you se it could buy you emptiness and unhappiness. Hold on to the tyra. Hold on to the messiah. If you want to be a gir, you better prepare yourself for it. You better learn. You better develop discipline. Don't go down the drain like everybody else. Thank you for listening to me. [applause]