Ask Not What Your Child Can Do for You

there was a boy who went to vietnam to fight he called up his father thursday and he says dad i arrived in california from vietnam the army base i can come home on monday wow son amazing dad one request my best friend in my platoon he stepped on a mine he lost an arm he lost two legs [Music] he has no family we're best friends can i bring him home with me take care of him father says son that would be a bigger mistake you know we're going to be nice to him on the outside but inside we're going to resent him he's going to make our lives miserable it's not going to be easy it's going to be very difficult he says dad i promise you you're going to love this boy he is the sweetest brightest most charming kid in the world you're going to love him he says son i don't have a doubt that i'm going to love him but internally i'm gonna hate him internally i'm going to be miserable because he's living in my home this is not my responsibility it's the government's responsibility they will put him in a home that can help him they will pay for him you can go visit him we don't want such a person in our home it's really not going to work your mother and your father are going to despise it i'm telling you the truth he says daddy thank you it's that sunday the father gets a call it was the police the police said that there was a soldier who came back from vietnam and he took his life over the weekend he jumped off a roof they think he may be related to him if he could come identify the body so he came and he identified the body it was his son and he saw that his son was missing the arm and the two legs his son was not talking about his best friend he was talking about himself [Music] this is a story someone said to me i'm not here to judge anybody in the world especially not a person who has his own challenges and as the mishna says never judge anybody until you reach their space but this story taught me a lesson and i'll tell you what it is sometimes we're ready to accept the children that look like the children we hoped we're gonna have we're ready to accept our loved ones as long as they fit into the mold of what my student my child my grandchild my daughter my son my teenager is going to look like as long as you fit into that mold i'm here for you i love you i'll do everything for you i'll pay for you yeshiva i'll pay for your college i'll pay for university i'll marry you off i'll pay for you to learn in cuddle for 29 and a half years as long as you look like the one that i need you to look like so i could sit down and say ah i have nachas the moment my child looks different the moment my child is on a different journey suddenly the worst in us comes out i have no space for you some parents will throw their children out of their homes some parents will keep their children in their homes but they will resent them and they will have only a negative attitude towards them but there comes a time in your life when i say to you ask not what your child can do for you ask what you can do for your child and ask not how everything fits into your picture or my picture my question has to be how do i transcend my comfort zones and say i'm going to be here for you i know it hurts and i know it's painful and i know it's not the journey i wanted and i know it's not the journey that i expected but let me tell you something my dear friends if you go on this journey it's not only your child who will be saved you will also be saved it's not only your child who will find a new life as hard as it is to believe you will also discover a part of yourself and a part of god that you never knew about [Music] the yeshiva.net