As My Ego Dissolves, I Access the Undefined Source of Desire

foreign [Music] so good every welcome everybody a good morning a good yard a good bench there so we're middle of the the mimer of tikkuk in the toyota of rosh hashanah we're up to safe base the second chapter of the mimer it's column one or page 107. on top it says jerusalem it's actually the first mayama for the rosh hashanah my mother of the balatanya it starts with tico bachata schaefer so we're holding the third the third class just next monday morning usually we have monday or sure i'm in st louis so next monday there won't be a share but tuesday there will be tuesday regular time but monday not [Music] so this mime starts off the first chapter with a lot of different details and pieces and you know sometimes you know when you're like you learn a sugar and gemara or any sugar so there's a lot a lot of different details and everything is a moving piece that is essential to the structure at the end you could see how it all comes together it's like a whole picture sometimes you see why is this relevant why is this detail relevant and sometimes immediately it doesn't appear connected but as the explanation concludes you see that it's a mosaic it's a tapestry and every part is essential to the explanation so the momentum of the balatania very much like that they're built like a sugar meaning he'll bring a one inside another inside another idea another idea another idea and sometimes it's okay just it's not because i said this and now let's talk about this as the explanation evolves you see how every nikuda becomes part of the of the whole as this minor you'll see it later as he comes to the towards the conclusion so first he started off explaining you could listen to the to the shooting those who need to replay double speed or if you want a kaze if you didn't hear it but the main recorder was that the difference of tishrei and the other months right this is called heidi's it's a hidden it's a rejuvenation of the whole life force not just of this world this world too but of all the worlds including this world and explain the difference between and rosh hashanah but they're both called ahead the head of the month the head of the year there's a head in people a nephesh there's a head in space in oil and there's a head in time and then he started to explain what this what in order to understand this and to understand why the schaefer comes in and what's the concept why these days and what's the whole thing of a serious image and why was this time chosen which is going to get back to all that later he started off with the general the the general theme of creation itself and the main kudu was that pre-creation kavayakal and when we say pre it doesn't mean a few years ago 5782 years ago plus it means pre there was a pre as i always say time is also created so when you say before it doesn't mean you know it was yesterday and not today it means in that state of reality that's higher than bria which still exists it's it's reality that's beyond time or to quote a very famous jew time is relative time is relative so every every existence you say it's time is an absolute time is not an absolute time is relative you can have two boy two little babies right who are born and one is put into a spaceship after his buddhist they put him into a spaceship to give him a tour of god's universe right and he's traveling in the speed of light 50 years later they make a reunion because they were both born in the same hospital uh in good sam in muncie there's a big difference here one of them is still before his upshanish and the other one is an altaid and this is plain science this is not this is not superstition this is plain science what do you mean what 50 years passed no no no no it's relative over here 50 years passed over there 50 years didn't pass i'm saying this because it's a very this was a very important discovery that what we call absolute is not absolute time is a dimension it's a dimension of reality and i think it's a very very i think it's a nice way of explaining the nakuda here there's a dimension of reality pre-creation this dimension of reality post-creation what do you mean it happened or it didn't happen it happened and it didn't happen it happened of course it happened 50 years passed we're not denying it and passed it was shabbos there was there was rosh hashanah there was a bar mitzvah it's not like he became 13 right happened in other words it's ms it's not fantasia it's not fantasy but there's a certain that from the perspective of simpson as he says [Music] all the concealments all the tsum tsum that allows the encyphe to contract itself and create otherness create what we call reality any level of reality including ultimately the human being existing and inhabiting this physical reality where we all live la riches advised so in the pre-creation state right it's my belvan in the in the post-creation state there is a symptom which conceals the ain't safe and yet he says the darkness doesn't doesn't eclipse that truth of reality which we explained by this especially in the first class when above iran asked the question why it's so important to say that hashem didn't change et cetera i hope you remember that was a very important discussion because it's about so many my modern then he asks what's the purpose of this said the line which we looked yesterday what was islam the line he says the purpose of this was it's an interesting line he says it doesn't we don't know yet why that is so relevant i'm just giving an example he puts in that line not because he decided let me talk about the reason for it it's going to be essential the point is if you're approaching it from a place of pure intellect hasaga you can ask so many questions which is fine but you end up with an ultimate why in other words you create you create that symptom to create separateness only to say that really the separateness is not real it's only from our perspective and we can transform that separateness back into oneness so you create darkness then you tell me the darkness is not real because by you it's light but for me it's real so i should bring it back to light so don't create so don't create it so you could say this exponent so really says he gets like to the point of it he says if you really want to know it's there's a lot of explanations on creation a lot if you look in swarm every every jewish philosopher every cabalist asked this question why why i should have created the world it's a fundamental question why why why do this well what's it is i grew up in a community there was never hashika there they called him zalman the shikka was almond the drunk he was a brilliant guy but he was drunk i don't know where he fell in from he would eastern parkway he would have a bottle that you remember zamunda shook a battle of crown royal and he would lie on the bench but he was a very interesting fellow so uh amid his sickness he would say interesting things so he wants to he told me a variety says venetia's butter hashem created the worlds what does it say there was really no need for this [Music] that's it that's as far as he got in life there was really no need for this he told me once we drink in order to drown our sorrow we fail to realize that sorrow floats so such a person says yeah the truth is the gemara says it would have been easier to be created or not created then right surprise surprise the verdict was it would have been easier without it so he says ultimately every y brings up another why that's how it is in life yeah but why but why but why but why she says ultimate is in a could have rats in here that's beyonce just like in a person we know ratson is deeper than khachama which was also a big rebel said then they thought that philosophy is everything even psychology was a branch of philosophy in those days it wasn't a separate branch if you can explain something rationally that's reality right but rarely datsun is higher than hakama so he says this is in the kuda of rats in the beginning of creation the datsun came from within post-creation there's a two-way watson there's a relationship [Music] i could want you and want you to the point that i'm ready to renounce everything i know about myself to have this relationship or to put it differently to renounce my infinity my all-inclusivity to be able to have you but the only thing that can that can recreate that every year is you also want it you're in you're in and he says that's th that's the madin of rosh hashanah the imagina is negaya to the core of existence it's not hashem is sitting in heaven and judging you you're a good guy you're a bad guy you deserve cotton candy this year you deserve other things this year from a distance you know you know you're in a court and there's a judge you know how the judge sits with the uniform with the with with the gown you know with the hammer boom [Music] he says hashem this is the most vulnerable this is the most vulnerable day it's like this whole investment is this whole investment [Music] worth it is it is it creating that relationship and the question is where is the person's where is the person zeratsu where am i in that connection and that's why it says he goes to all the sukim it's the malchus that creates all the hellen the desire for a connection for a relationship which is what malchus says if not malchus there wouldn't be aluminum but the question now is where is the person so soymerch is what's called prica soil i may have a connection to you but i'm not really interested at least certain parts of the day i'm not interested in you as we spoke yesterday how it works sometimes in a marriage and this is that it should be energy [Music] in all of your actions there's a relationship that's the the hamster of the from down it's not another passage another passage another part now just like it's in human relations martin [Music] um [Music] last point sure welcome last point is the just like in human relations eurozone is always the key point in a connection and a connection yeah you'll forgive my metaphors i just want to illustrate it let's say a couple is struggling you have such a mathias miss manlisman so it could work both ways i'm just going to give one muscle because it's a common thing and the woman is complaining this is what she wants this is what she needs this is what she desires so you turn to the husband whoever is uh is talking to them say the therapist the counselor whatever they're of the washbeer and he turns to the husband and he says no so what's the worst one of the worst things he could answer is no worse but one of the things that will not get the other side very excited and enthusiastic about the relationship he's saying yeah but what she's saying doesn't make sense anybody relates to this she wants this she wants this it doesn't make sense a normal person doesn't want us at home [Music] so that's also it doesn't make sense so any angle yeah with the music and everything he said was remember he trained many years in yeshiva for this he's talented what's missing here they're completely two different frequencies right the relationship is rotsen that's the relationship we're not if we're doing here a puzzle or trying to solve a mathematical equation right or we're arguing about a certain swara then it's beautiful what you're doing if when i was dating so i asked my sister for advice she said just one thing you're marrying a wife not a havrusa if you're sitting with a havrusa this is what you have to do you say no my caruso wants that this should be prasad and i respect him you're not having you're failing me you have to know the frequency of the relationship you understand if the physical relationship is safely of defensive relationship is it autism so what uh what's that expression your will is my command so even if you don't want to use such romantic words but the point is your will matters your will matters to me and my will matters to you that's what that's what connects us that's what connects us when that's missing there's a rupture so the balance says that's the whole year right how do you access that ruts and into creation in other words hashem's flow from ancient mamish into a world of simpson which is which is like mysteriousness it's renouncing his infinity that's what toyota mitzvos is the ratson of hashem of ain saif mamash that's communicated to the person and the person responds to and he explains that's the depth of of it says in zayar when i saw this yesterday when was yesterday tuesday so i saw he was saying something and i wasn't he says a lotion that it says in zoya that mitzvos 248 organs of the king so that's brought a lot in svadham and in the counterterror in many places already in time all the time he says why on aver was an average limb a limb facilitates the soul every limb in its own way accesses life right the eye in its way and the ear in its way it accesses a certain aspect of the nephesh and you need that limb with its own chemistry i can't see through my nose and i can't smell through my ears and i can't walk with my eyes and i can't talk with my heart every every avery has its function with the the leg or the hand or they brought him up whatever you're talking the lungs the heart every ava in its owner could but here he said a line and i'm just telling you yesterday when i told it last time i didn't really but then i was tophis what he says he says i didn't know what he means in other words the soya doesn't mean it's the vodam of the mellow it's devoted lyrics malcolm then i understood you need the mitzvahs to create a mom to make him a melech he's is the aspect of god that has the ability to be finite what is that that's part of infinity maujus as a separate distinct reality or in simple words a lacus becoming defined as the consciousness of the universe that's what malcolm says that has to be created because pre-creation is what makes that to become that malachor in other words to go through that symptom each mitzvah in its own way accesses that rutsen in a very tangible finite way to the person so there's a connection to the relationship he says there's two elements in each mitzvah on a deeper level with one element to do the mitzvah i want you to blow shadow for blue shadow it mean he's going to kiss us with his mouth so now she says us is going to reveal um the ultimate secrets but every mitzvah has but there's a mitzvah what to do is i'm building a sukkah but mitsubishi to understand that there's a there's there's an indian of eight's life being manifested and every person could and should relate to that to the best of their capacity that's the premier mitzvah that's the link between the eight safe and the person this pressure the technical mitzvah for that you just have to know what to do that's one element and that's why you say before mitzvah [Music] that's post symptoms so to speak i can't dwell inside of you if there's no you have to relate to you have to have to uh tailor make the energy custom make the energy the suit the the reality to flow according to the capacity of the mekabul so that's one element in the mitzvah pressure tell me what to do that's the bush like what you call the technical physical aspect of the mitzvah but he says that's one aspect it's essentially an access a relationship with the source of it all and every mitzvah has that how much gets revealed that depends on each person and ultimately we don't get all of it because every person has a limited limited capacity that's called taimei tata the reason and the reason not only the reason the flavor a good schmuck that was the main the main the main record base now sift base in this mimer it's a murdered the commodity it's very very deep and it it approaches the whole concept of where where everything goes down south where things don't work out according to the plan that's what's if aleph is the plan so to speak the blueprint the only thing true about most plans is that they don't work out so that's if base ahmed pagan potato mitzvahs the one who is pagan pogba means blemishes in this flow of them when you say in other words there's the boundaries of staying away from what i have to stay away then there's the opposite what i have to do just like in a human relationship for a relationship to function there's two things this is what you don't do there's certain things you stay away but that's not that's not that's not it a person could say you know i'm as loyal as it gets i i'm locked up in a closet i don't look anywhere i don't go anywhere that's beautiful but yeah so there's surmedana saytov if something is missing i mean he says missing he says it's very relative every person according to their own soul because there's so many different states like when in the previous chapter he said what's priceless it's for one person i do everything but i'm not really so interested at least not all the time yeah and and you could see you could see when you have for example a potential for a very deep relationship if you're not interested even one hour of the day it has a consequence it has doesn't mean it's destroyed but it means there's an element of disassociation so every person you have to know what that means he says the ef so what does that mean how he touches here so what happens so he can't access [Music] the ratsun which is the source of the gili of malchus which is the engine of all of existence i can't access the datsun because you don't have my datsun so i can't access that in the code of ratson there's like retreat it's about accessing lots and as we said before it's a renewal of the whole his so it's all about going to the core where that desire comes from what does this mean so he starts a long explanation which he's going to get back to saying we have to understand what is true how it works and why it works we know children can fix everything and when you say fix he says it doesn't just mean okay you know you uh you made a mistake but i'm not going to look at it he says chuva actually fixes it repairs all the government any blemish anything that's missing even bitter mitzvah assassin it was something i ought to do and i didn't do and that creates a void say avoid truva can fix it how kehine is lysis uh i can understand if i tell you not to do something [Music] every a person doesn't evade it creates a category that creates let's put a prosecutor it creates some negative energy some negative energy right to call it an angel we all understand my words my thoughts my actions they create an energy they create something in the world tangible or intangible so he says so in other words there is this this negative energy that needs cleansing right and i ask hashem i do triva she says that creates what's called mayam tahered him it arouses compassion it creates cleansing water like i go in to the physical mikhail there's also a spiritual mikveh says i'm going to sprinkle on you clean water or the anova yoshi says hashem washes he bathes his his child like a mother bather a father bathes a child and removes all the the excrement so yes benatian and that's what we say the harvard remove the sins remove the blemishes it's the concept of uh harish the navi says in the future [Music] when we said every mitzvah is accessing it's a limb it's accessing the divine energy um if this lack of the spa exists because i didn't engage in the mitzvah for you how can that be refilled there's two elements in what we would call a relationship that's betrayed one is the hurt or the pain which creates a spiritual stain you asked me not to do something and i did it right and you feel hurt in in the language of would be called it's a betrayal in the language in the language of a relationship you say that was painful it hurt that's true mitzvah's lysis and mitzvah says him it was like this even more mitzvah says he didn't do anything you were passive mitzvah's license he actually went against my world so there's something about forgiveness there's something about arousing a person's compassion and saying i made a mistake right can can can we remove that negativity that negative feeling and when there's genuine when there's a genuine apology and that's what i really that's what i needed it it can at least fix it and sometimes heal it and sometimes even maybe even intensify the relationship as we all know obviously if it's genuine but then there's something else there's the opportunities that were missed that the opportunity was missed there was there was a something had to be achieved it wasn't achieved so you could say i'm sorry so i'm not i'm i'm not going to continue the frustration and the resentment and the grudge but ultimately you weren't here for five years you didn't show up for five years that's missing the mario has an expression yeah right so you know the two examples right one is bala elva voiled mamzer i get that what are you gonna do yeah baller yeah there was no divorce she's a nation's ish she marries another man there's a new child the mamza she says i want to do chuva okay but the mom's little is the and then the mother brings another exam what's the other example yeah another one you know you had a date with your wife it was your 25th anniversary right she was looking forward to it yeah he got busy in the office i could so so through work we could forget this forgiveness but you didn't show up and if that meeting was fake if that showing up was faithful it's missing says mitzvah slices i can understand the concept of removing the pain but if mitzvah's essay this the event is not here if the avid is not here you'll say right we say i integra chops off somebody's hand or pokes out their eye do it the posix says eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth yeah a burn for a burn a hand for a hand a leg for a leg comes to get mario baby comment says money you don't chop off a person's hand money you have to pay money so why the student say so the rambam explains beautifully because you can't pay back for an eye with money how much is your eye worth tell me how much is vision how much is eyesight worth anybody how much is it worth to have a hand or to have a leg what's the price sug yeah exactly put it this way how much money are you ready to take to lose your eye to become blind how much how much money are you ready to take it's like asking somebody how much money are you ready to take in order to die so here it's not death malik these things are priceless these things are priceless right so the toyota can't just say oh you knocked out his eye okay nazari pushed heaven's brushes you know three million dollars shalom are you slow no no no no it's an eye for an eye oh we can't do that we don't do an eye for an eye so you pay money you pay money just to deal with the financial elements he needs doctors right his work was compromised he's in horrible pain there's disability there's shame five things exciting you're dealing with the technical financial loss you're not dealing with what happened in fact you're not there's no there's no there's no penalty for that there's no penalty for that i'm giving an example spiritually if it's a vodum the malka the avid was missing so you could pay and you could do nice things and you can apologize but he says what's the union of truva that that which is missing now is not missing what's the havana saying the answer to this is ah what no avionis means a limb an organ it says in zaya the mitzvahs are 248 organs of the king doesn't mean hashem has physical organs but just like your organs access your soul each mitzvah accesses the flow of divine energy the divine shaman into my life and into the world if that ava was missing i could say i'm sorry i got it i say i'm sorry but the eye wasn't brought back and it's important to say i'm sorry so the nakuda of the betrayal the hurt the mitzvah's places uh okay let's remove it this cleansing you know sometimes people could sit down with each other and they could say let's just do i have grievance against you i'm carrying something hurtful okay ayud came over to me in shul a few days ago and he says i'm very upset at you because i said vasagashan she told me it was a fast day some time ago and the fast was over and he came over to me to ask me a question and he said you said to me yes now and you left and he said it was very very hurtful it was very hurtful you could have said now is not the time to ask a question he said yes now and you left he said you always talk he told me you always talk about trauma yeah where was your sensitivity to me and i saw that he was very hurt and he didn't tell to me a day after he told it to me months after which means and he saw me before so so what was my instinct what would be your instinct not you you don't have an ego but anybody who has an ego what would be the instinct what do you say huh yes very good very good you do it again huh so did was i maybe was i maybe running to a car and you were a little farce i spoke a little loud so you should be able to hear us actually thank me for speaking loud right one of those but i realize it's completely not negaya mama's not negaya and i said i'm sorry i'm so sorry i apologize you know could be the fast got to me and i was anxious and i apologize so he looked at me he steered at me like uh he just steered didn't say a word so after a few moments i said do you accept the apology he said uh he doesn't answer i'm like what's going on he said i didn't expect that you would say that i expected it you would say you were right and i'm wrong i didn't expect that i didn't expect that so i'm saying okay he was so shocked that i just said i'm sorry i apologize i made a mistake i'm sorry but i also saw how how healing that was why because there was a hurt there let's say i was a thousand percent right i'm not saying i was right could be i was wrong i'm not my point is the person experienced or hurt how are you addressing that or part of their dignity was taken away from them so the mechanism in trouble there's something called vidu right saying i'm sorry a shaman what is that what does that do oh you said i'm sorry big deal you punch me in the nose and you say i'm sorry and the answer is in a way you're giving back the person that dignity people don't realize i took away something from you i took away something when i say i'm sorry when i apologize it's a very deep form of vulnerability right in a way i took something away from you and now i'm giving it back to you you you deserve it it's a very deep mechanism that's why it's hard sometimes to do but what happened happened and if there was something positive that had to happen that was missing so he wants to understand what the mechanism is as follows now here comes a profound explanation and and the way it applies also in human relationships it's very profound it's really the mechanism of true repair deposit says we all know that capital because as serious it said every day before baruch is what does it mean literally from the depths i call out and not one depth but two depth not me i make me ma which means depths with an s at the end plural is so look how he touches the words it doesn't only mean from the depths i call out to you god it means as follows in order for there to be crusade to access what does calling me when i call you i access you right you say moisha yankol and you come right means accesses so he says how do you crush how do you re-access the utkevke the flow of the divine energy of hashem's name from concealment to revelation that it should become a yud and a which basically is the flow through the limbs of the king the answer is you need me mama watch me you have to go to the supernal depth what's that is i need to go into a different place i need to find your desire what he calls an alien to describe the entire evolution of creation where does histamines begin it begins from the thought of creation and then it's a histologist means developmental evolution it starts with the seed from that seed comes everything the apple tree that you may have in your garden could be traced back to apple tree thousands of years ago but it was a histologist it didn't happen in one day but a seed created a tree which produces an apple which produces a seed which creates a new tree and there's also that is touchless is the whole system but there's roots in the alien shallow myelin it's going going be above the system before that system began oh how do you get there how do i get there so in myself the only way i can get this if i go beyond my own system but we live in systems we live in structures right so he says that's him to get to your depth i have to first get to my depth i can't reach into your depth if i didn't reach into my depth why because it's that depth that brings depth the imec generates imek it's the frequency it's it's a frequency you know what i mean that that element of me that amkus in me speaks to the amicus in you if not i'm not operating on that level i don't have access to it because it's it's it's so it's so profound what does this mean the hainu so i the words are going to be intense here but i just want i always struggle to give a muscle not to give a muscle what's my question not to give a muscle is always the best thing because you let the mimer speak for itself in its purity right so why do i give michelle huh you know why i don't like giving michelle that's the truth yeah because every martial is a symptom of ain't so if you have to understand every martial is a form of darkness i hope you understand that the problem is that sometimes without that darkness there's no light right every muscle is a form of killing the message but sometimes without that nobody gets the message or some people don't get it so they're left without anything huh like isis exactly like isis exactly like isis just mashallah is more ics it's bringing it down why i'm saying this because i wanted to read but then i realized it could be misunderstood what makes me go to a place of lama la mestos histasis is my whole system of being everyone has a system who you are it's like basically your mechanisms of existence your schedule your function it's not just your schedule it's what makes your schedule what makes you have your schedule i mean my schedule it's all based on paradigms it's all based on belief systems ms it's like literally a computer program people are like computer programs in fact real computer programs study the brain yeah that's your p this big computer programmer told me that they're studying now the brain to see how to how to enhance the computer programming because the greatest computer programming in history was the one who formed the brain his name wasn't steve jobs so they're learning from the brain how you build the computer just like they're learning from the eye how to build a camera it's half of a fella and he said but it's like it's the biggest the greatest computer program to compare it with the intricacies of the brain is not medium so we have systems our brain develops a system and one of the most brilliant elements of neuroscience in our generation is to see how that system develops literally from conception from a moment the child is conceived throughout pregnancy birth the developmental years how your system develops and we follow that system and you know what it's pretty predictable even your bad moods are also predictable you can ask your wife or the schwinger what helps people go out of the system now many people don't have to you know why it's arbit it's a gate what challenges people to go out of their system to say whoa whoa i gotta go back all the way to the beginning what is it what's the one word one word huh yeah pain pain right why why why do you say pain the system doesn't work huh yeah it's not just i want to get out of the pain as dr skinner would say it's all about avoiding pain nothing else that's a little bit of a technical form that's also part of vestashalas it's because the pain makes me aware of the futility of the system it it makes me aware of the volume right have a lovely level it's not just that's also technical i have pain you know give me a band-aid you know give me a candy that's a much more that's a much more systematic explanation the deeper explanation is it allows me it empowers me it forces me to go to a to go to a much deeper place to go back to the beginning how back do you go depends on the pain depends on the pay and that's why pain is not something you ever wish on yourself or anybody else but everybody knows this truth there's not a single person probably in history who had a real impact on the world that didn't go through a tremendous amount of pain and was forced to reinvent themselves in one form or another there's not a person that will impact you in a real profound way like the person who has been through something very deep and therefore can look you in the eyes without turning away and really really be an empathetic witness to your own experience there's not a person there's not i don't know if there's a mathias in the world that a person yeah you sometimes meet a person and they have a halo of light around them you can feel it and you know right away that their life experience was anything but simple now sometimes people fall into depression from it and sometimes people go to a place of la mailemestas and it's almost the same la mata maestas and la mailemestas always meet right it's like alaska and uh and russia right you know what i mean when you go around the map you could go from two sides yeah you can go this you can go through the atlantic and this way but on the other side they also meet and see this is oimek roy man i make tacos the highest depth and the lowest depth meat because that's where the system goes crazy apocalypse it's called you sometimes meet a person you we all know this yeah you could in their presence in a few minutes you feel no judgmentalism you feel no vanity no superficiality and true authentic depth and you know right away that this person's journey was very very profound they had to work work through things when i'm broken down completely to the point of disintegration i can't reinvent myself from his touchless my establish didn't work where do i have to go to i have to ask myself who am i at my core how many people are forced to ask themselves in life the question who am i at my core not what it says on my resume not what my who my father-in-law thinks i am not the shidduch system yeah not even who this plein air money who am i at my core core means beyond impressions even to myself how many people are forced to ask that question the best deal how many people are forced to ask this question you think you're lucky to be forced to ask this question you think you're lucky do you thank god first for being forced to ask this question or not so if you just tell me yes you're probably lying because then you don't know what it is if you say you're not so lucky the the previous laboratory was arrested by the communist in 1927 and he was tortured first they sentenced him to death and then they sentenced him to ten years in the gulag and then three years and ultimately he was liberated after ten days yudbastam was tough in 1927. he went through terrible to him and he once said he once said he was tough and he said that if you would ask me if i would go through that you could pay me all the money in the world and give me everything in the world i would never go into that once i was there you could pay me all the money in the world i'm not going to give up that experience mathematically he contradicted himself right but we all understand the nakuda you say al to vienna la denisoli it's not a place where you want to go you don't need systems to be broken if your system was broken you had to reinvent yourself from your core you're never going to give up you're never going to give that up for anything because it's a different place of ms it's a different place of truth you can't do it means to go there from a place of uh of positivity that's why we resist gullah because we're not used to it that's why it's hard that's what goula means can you touch essence from a place of absolute expansiveness not from a place of maidsen we're gonna see that that's that's what our generation is struggling with our generation is struggling with this question can you create that not from a place of a breakdown not from a place of of of wounds i mean hamitzar karasiya that's a very deep question that you're asking it's a deep question that's really that's really what we want to teach ourselves and teach and teach our children right that's what we want to teach ourselves so a while so so let's see the nakuda i'm i i said this introduction i wanted you to you to see the spirit the energy that is not going to say he spoke about me believed him you have sometimes that the mouth screams he says we're not talking about that we're talking about the heart screaming the heart screaming is deafening it's much louder than the mouth screaming sometimes you can't hear it but it's much louder yeah left side there's a scream that comes from the depths of a person he says it's so deep it's means deeper and deeper and deeper to the point that the soul can't contain it the soul doesn't have the capacity to contain this level of pain in other words there's a pain that i contain i carry it i could contain it that's the pain i basically i fit into my system we all have pain life is frustrating yeah this one misses his flight and this one is late on a bill and this one something didn't work out yeah the caterer came late and there's no napkins for the casino or they're red instead of blue it's a crisis right you have a chevy bronchus tomorrow night and the cleaning lady didn't show up it's a crisis but hopefully you don't fall apart everyone has pain i could contain it this pain he says deeper deeper deeper to the point my soul can't contain it there's no way to put it i don't have a filing cabinet in my brain for the pain so what happens then the system ah there's a disintegration and that's why this cry is in the heart why don't you talk talk i can't talk you know people wonder why can children talk about their pain instead of going to therapy 35 45 years later just say it when you were six get it out of the system right brilliant question no talk talk with your six what do you have to wait till you're 60 to talk huh wouldn't they have avoided all the problems shouldn't we tell our children before they go into pre-1a life is going to be hard just don't stop talking every day give us a diary you ever try asking your child how they are at the end of the day how is school yeah good luck if you can get an answer either fine right or the most common answer doesn't even deserve an answer what a stupid question all right how was school or bad [Laughter] thank you but the point here is he's saying there's a certain cry i can't i can't speak about because i can't articulate it if i have words for it it's already contained for the name believed here's the sign if the soul contains it you'll have words at least some words but if the pain reaches a space that my soul can't contain why because it challenges my very conception of i my car was towed in brooklyn trust me it's annoying you ever had your car towed in brooklyn they make you feel like a smarter right but you don't necessarily come home doubting your existence you doubt your existence in brooklyn that yeah so you move to rockland county but you don't necessarily doubt your essential existence right you miss the plane these are all things and then there's khasf there's illness this financial stress he's that's not what we're talking about we're talking about that too but he's saying there's a point the very nefesh there's no eye to contain it because my very eye has been not just shaken to the core but challenged to the car i can't talk about this too much because he says he can't talk about this too much either you know what he's talking about you don't know what he's talking about if you don't know what he's talking about probably you should say barak hashem right and if you do know what he's talking about maybe you should also say barak hashem so there is a cry either or either verbal or not verbal but that continues and grows the english means squeezed something to squeeze like dama and he brings the story of it i think you know the story of the gemara there was not a harlot in the world you know talk about addiction talk about essay that blossomed was you know your poster boy there was not a zone in the world the gemara says is that he did not go visit that's the level of addiction okay so the gomorrah says once he went he traveled he heard there was a zoinson you know he came with a lot of money and they were middle of their act and the gomorrah says that uh he let our ear he let out air so she told him where does this ear go to where does this nephica go to nowhere right it goes uh it ends up nowhere it ends up in the air so she says that describes you you're that ear that's where you're gonna that's you you're you're you're that how do you say in the fifth in english yeah you're you're that gassiest you're that gassiest substance the guys you just passed that's you that's mama's who you are the heist of earth and the gemara says that got him that touched him it touched him it broke him interesting every mustache moves in the world garnish that among it there in that place she from all people she became hizaba you understand she told him who he is because she knew how to speak his language right it takes one to no one what's the minis mina she got him so the gemara says he he broke down and he decided he wants to change his whole life and he spoke to the heaven and the earth and the sun and the moon and the earth and the seas obviously metaphorically and everybody said we can't help you he went to the whole world for help he said aina david alabi so it's about me gemara that god he went into a state of sobbing to the point that he passed away then the basket came out and said he goes so the gemara says finishes the story when rebbi rabbi nasi the editor of the mission the leader of the jewish people heard the story started to cry why did he cry he said yes yes this people who it takes years and years for them to acquire their world and this man acquired his world bashar achas in a moment why is that be so upset so if you don't understand the gamut you think you know i worked 85 years yeah 85 years and then this maneuver called over i was like why not happy he became my happy you know those people going run out that bird how did that happen about trouba sit in the back of the show sit in the back of the shoe you'll get an aliyah once the v maybe he's nothing with an honoree so let's start with the guys so why does that be so emotional he's jealous obviously not so dalton is bringing this story to to give an illustration of this type of pain so much his soul couldn't contain he couldn't even stay he couldn't even stay in his soul it broke his very definition of identity to the point like i can't breathe anymore that's what he says hey you have the biggest question how do you become a member to become a rapper first of all you have to know i understand god says you know what you're broken you said i'm sorry but but but if i to be an alum it's not just uh you sit on a chair with with free sushi i have to be a caylee foreign without mitsubis how does he fit in there so he says they draw him down with much more vigor with much more strength what is the balatani saying here what happened with bender daya was akira it's not just he regretted his entire rutson of life disintegrated everything i was interested before became not just i moved on it became so worthless to the point that he couldn't even find himself anymore there couldn't be a self that goes on talk about remo talk about akira saratsen it's not just okay i did the wrong thing let's move on there was no eye to move on anymore that's that's how deep he was removed from his experience that's called masud so he went to a place completely beyond any nakuda of i he went to the to the etsom that's beyond any system any ishtalus any structure so what happens he accessed by hashem his rodzan that's pre everything free thousands mitzvahs is the wrote son of hashem the way it comes into estonia's he went to the rats and he went to the to the source of it all to the source of it all as he's going to explain invited everything got filled yes that's what rebbe started to cry why is it abby crying what did this do to debbie the immaculate very very adel averter rebbe was a tsar the gummer when rabbi saw this story he became a baltrusa rebbe also disintegrated obviously not to compete when i complained it wasn't going to die rebbe felt here the indian of truva he wanted to become a bolshevik rabbi that debbie was growing i had to work so hard my whole life to be at that and this is the russian merusa is given you know chi chi chi foreign from that came to him and we teach him today he wrote it all up it's called magde mesharim it's a paladika safer the best wanted to very much dial kids hashem who was in spain he got burned by the inquisition the base yosef wanted to dial kiddushasha and then he did some aveda some sin relative to his level so he was told by the manga that you're being punished you're going to die a natural death and he lived very very old almost 90 years old and after that he was mahabharata so understand the natick of the best is the whole claudius roll follows satisfy them they say slickest like the best yosef says and even ashkenazim that wouldn't make his own wrote his comments on the yosef in other words everyone father is the surrounding obviously there's much like us in here and there but that's that was a punishment understand the best would have died earlier nobody would have even known and it would have been a story but you have to understand rabbi was at saudi government he gave us the mishnah but the blessed transformed he turned him into the sha akhas what's kamishanam shah doesn't only mean an hour shah means a turn right it says hashem el hevel hashem with one turn with one with one movement it's not short as an hour from 9 to 10. how do you do that we go back to the theory of relativity you remember what's for 150 years is for one sha'akas in the world of ishtalos 70 years 80 years 90s once you go to the world beyond the thousands it's not anymore an issue of time this brought an epic to a different level that's why it says can't stand there why that's my bad just because i didn't sin i'm bad it's not that you're bad it's not that you're bad it's that you didn't have to go beyond the stausalis thank god you didn't have to go beyond this touchless the structure was amazing it was a structure filled with love and light and positivity the masjid lay bachelor it's not fair mario says in brachas where bali chuva stands can't stand really i don't understand i live the good life that's my scar if you're looking in skyrim oynish it's not going to work it's not about the sadduce but there's something about the disintegration that allows him to go to the rats because in himself he went beyond the statues so he said well what does he have but it wasn't in the day it was a puss to kaley he was pussed no there no mitzvahs he comes and tell him it's like showing up without clothes you ever did that you can't call up toilam habit without tayden what are you going to do you have to be a caylee for the mhaba that's what rabbi started to cry what the indian of chuva is you could bring it all back because if you can go to that rats and that's beyond the stars that's where turner mitzvahs come from so if you go to the source of mitsubis you go to the source mama is the key source that's where the whole ambitious come from but the only way i can reach there is when there's the complete massive snaphash of akita from he goes to the source of it he go he went to the source of taylor he went to the kuda of rats in ali so this is the very powerful comforting message for that person who goes through those things in life and it doesn't work out and it's not a question of guilt i guilty i'm not guilty could be completely not and ultimately every person is responding you know to different events the way they respond but then the person looks at their life and says vases giblib and there's nothing here there's nothing here that moment would be considered your darkest moment you know you look in the mirror and you say there's literally nothing here those of you who had such moments you know the pain of such a moment it's not like there's something missing you know i'm in debt fifty thousand dollars i have a headache that's all that's i'm saying you look in the mirror and you say there's nothing here i in the f is mamash that's what you feel like right she couldn't say it better credit is due where credit is due and in that moment there's a rebirth from a completely different place tomorrow there's no the next year will be tuesday morning 7 45 but is it our chamberlain everybody have a wonderful day and a wonderful week and a wonderful shoppers yes sorry [Music] so that's why there's the tai chi siddhas saw from the word a pivot it's a turn yeah says yeah it's a beautiful voice from the alternate but says the the navy hear me it says pawn away light upon them they turn their back to me and not their face so he says they turn to me says punaway they didn't turn to me he said like panorama they turned to me but with their back and not their face and he says as follows you can have two people they're right near each other you know like siamese twins almost mama's right near each other he says but is that pineal might of is that part of the misery this one is facing east this one is facing west in terms of proximity of closeness they can't get closer in terms of emotional uh oneness they can get further i could be at the end of the world and you're at the other end of the world but i'm looking towards you what did the buddha levy say besides i'm in the west but my heart is in the east two people their mama's near each other but we're looking in opposite directions we can't get further so ibase what's the vart means what you have to do you just have to turn around you don't have to travel to the other end of the world you just have to turn around foreign which means he he did a lot of you know not good stuff but he was authentic he was epinema he wasn't a kid says in other words you have a person you have a person as a kitten nothing really affects him in other words he you could tell him the most beautiful things yeah he gets a spot he doesn't get inspired it like it touches my skin you know means if it touches me it touches me if it doesn't touch me doesn't touch me yeah it's like it's like fire you know you can put your finger in fire either you go in and you get burnt or you stay away please means it touches me it's authentic it goes into me introspective yeah yeah it's not just like uh yeah another void it's it's transformative it's epitome it's a different type of person you have a person everything is more superficial so he says there blossom but the diet was epinemi so he heard a lot of stuff but nothing touched him when she said something that went into his kishkis he changed his whole life it didn't touch him the teacher the teacher maybe wasn't up in me she meant what she said yeah you understand is how how how are you feeling it so he started to say that he's going back to the dots and beyond which is the source of trade but later in the miami he's going to explain it more oh so i think that result says i have to look it up that he was a gilgal of yochin and kind god [Music] that blossom after 80 years so i think that says that he was a gilgal so he had all the toyota mitzvahs of uh of jochen and kangado and this last moment was the shah i think i have to look it up i don't i'm not remembering yeah there's a there's a there's a there's a void he decided [Music] to where tenth base every tenth but i'm going to dumbbells good good sure thank you for being here sunday