Rabbi Yechiel Spero – A Most Meaningful Viduy

[Music] Welcome to Inside Arts Crow, where the books that we read and the people that write them come to life. It's a distinct pleasure and to welcome Rabbi Spiro to Arts World Studios yet again. >> Thank you. Great to be here. Rabbi Spiro, it seems like every other day or month there's another blockbuster book. How do you do it? Um, how do I do it? That's um I don't do I don't do much. People say to me, "How do you I don't do much." Um when when I'm inspired to do something, I I get uber focused on it. And um sometimes sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But this was a need that I've dreamt of for years, for years and years. Ever since I'm a bach I'm in yeshiva and I'm sure this is anybody watching this has had a similar experience if you've seen the inside of of a yeshiva or a b medish um our our children are so canar is so sincere and so pure our bim are so exceptional our young ladies they're all they all want and they and they're hard on themselves so comes chuva season and now you start looking at the list of you've done and they are overwhelmed with overwhelmed. They break down crying and and that's that's great. That's the first step. And thus was born a most meaningful vidi. >> Yes. >> The third in a series of most meaningfuls. >> Yes. >> So the most meaningful sedar peser most meaningful kinis and now a most meaningful. >> Yeah. >> Vidoy. >> Thank you so much for doing this. I know personally it's something that and >> so so now they they're in the moment and they're so pure and their tears are so pure but I I think that many many people adults as well and the book by the way is a children and not a it's a like a teen adult book men women um and it's written with that in mind the the language is a little it's not as sophicic isticated language. Um the point is is that you can't stay there. Regretting your past actions is one of but to accept I'm never going to do it again. You have to have the confidence to say that I'm better than this. This is not who I am. I am I did something wrong. I did something bad. But I'm not bad. I'm good. I'm really good. And because of that, I have the confidence to be able to accept upon myself that I'm not going to do it ever again. And and that of it to stand up straight and to say I can do this. Yeah, you're broken, but to also be able to look in the mirror and say you're a good boy. You're a good girl. You're a good husband. You're a good father. You're a good You're a good mother. You're you're you're good. And that's the message of the book. >> It's the confidence to understand that the is not you. >> Yes. I want to mention there's a idea from Aman writes that the word vidi what does it mean? It means to confess. But vi is associated with the word vi. Vi means you're certain about something for sure. When you do an a do it once, okay, it can be an aberration. You do it twice, three times, hold on one second. Who am I? Am I am I who I think I am? Or maybe I'm not. And you start to doubt yourself. You start to doubt who you can become, who you're meant to be, where you're going in life, what madrega of you can achieve. vi when you confess you sin you're saying I am good I know who I am and with each confession you separate yourself from the sin and when you do that you get a confidence of understanding that oh I am who I thought I am I am who I was last na I've strayed I've made mistakes, some years worse than others, but I am that person. And and knowing who you are and rediscovering who you are is the greatest feeling in the world. I have I have a confession to make. Give me I have a confession to make. >> A most meaningful confession. >> As as a kid, I I dreaded Jim Kipper. I love Jim Kipper. I love it. I I I again I have the a little bit of a fear and and I'm nervous about it, but I love it. I love just finally being able to to to get back to where I'm supposed to be and and to maybe I can be better and maybe maybe I I you know, maybe I can look in the mirror and say, "You're a good boy." And there's something about that. The child in each of us, it's a very very special thing. That's a a huge bar to strive for that we should look forward and cherish kipper >> in the way that we should. >> Yeah, >> it's a happy day in essence. >> It it's the happiest day, right? It's the happiest day is the day of people think that that is a sad day. Not at all. It's a happy happy day writes that there's two sides of the coin. Everybody gets the first side right. the the crying the brokenness turn the coin over and the other side of the coin is the element which is even more so by cha if you do chuva and it's not it's not chuva imagine a person you're you're away from home and then you're coming home if you're not happy coming home then you're not coming home then that's not home you have to be happy. There was times when we missed home in Yeshiva, you're inro, you're in seminary, wherever you are, you're on a business trip, you miss home, you want to get home. >> Mhm. >> If you're not happy coming home, you got to ask yourself, is that really home for me? As you're speaking, something that bothered me all the years just kind of jumped out at me. Why do we break up with we're we have the posture. We're in the zone. We're pounding our chest. And just when we're starting to really get into it, okay, pick yourself up. Everyone sings. And the tune by the way is very at least in tells it's comforting. It's soothing. So, so I want to tell you two things. First of all, let's focus on the second thing first. >> Okay. >> Second thing you talk about the tune >> because the tune is I'm not a musician. I think those are major notes. It's an uplifting song. what what's everybody so happy about? Um, and then even Valulum, there's different valulums. I once heard a majum. I don't know 100% but I and and somebody told me, and I have to ask AB Rottenberg this, somebody told me that AB Rottenberg's music is rooted a lot in Mudgets, KBA for sure, but Mudgets also. AB, please let me know. Okay. Um, but there's a valulum [Music] N it sounds like ilfino by the way. Yeah. So that's a beautiful uplifting. Yeah. Because it's meant to be uplifting and that's the whole point. That's why you know says that person does you do a sin and he comes comes in and and you clap and you're sad about the sin. So what happens? Let's say somebody let's say for instance a person did not he looked at something you shouldn't have looked at. So when you're confessing the sin you're re-imagining the sin. You're stuck in the mud. Get out of the mud. It's not meant. We're We're obviously supposed to think about it and contemplate it, but sometimes you have to get out of the mud. Don't stay stuck in the mud. Don't stay broken. Lift yourself up. It's time for the law. Why do we say together? Why don't we like that we do ourselves? Is there a point in like singing it together and putting all the II's in the right spot? Um, so I I'll tell you what, it's spoken about a little bit in the book, >> but you know, >> Oh, I'm I'm not the only one who did this. >> Oh, okay. >> You mean he also is Badnu? >> That's right. That's right. He's also And there's something there's something very honest and honesty is so essential to vidi. If you can't be honest in then there's nothing to discuss. Every relationship's rooted in honesty. Parents with their children, spouses, business associates, if you're not honest, there's no relationship there. And kids, by the way, if any kid is watching this, you got to know this from the olive base. You got to be honest. But but it's so important to know that that when you're honest, you got to be forthright. You got to be true to yourself. And you come forward. You step forward and you say, "Yes, I did this wrong." And when you know other people are in the same boat as you, it's comforting to know that >> you're not by yourself. >> Yeah, we're not by yourself. And we and we've all we all need to work on it. >> You know what I find fascinating about vid and I know that you discussed this extensively like the ashamnus olive bay the olive bay is it so we could remember it or there's a much deeper meaning here. The safe says that the olive bays are not just letters. They're building blocks. We have we take ourselves down and now it's time to build yourself up. And just as the olive bays build letters, words are the bricks, St. Franc says. So you're building yourself back up. each olive, each bay, each gimmel, you know, in in a sequence to make sure that the part that was taken down, the part that you broke yourself down, which must be done, now has to be built up again. And that's really the chua process. You drill down, find it where you are, you know, see your lowest, >> and then you're like, okay, now the now we built, now we rebuild. >> I think that's like the euphoria of like the end of Nila. It's just like, whoa, >> look where I was and look where I am. >> You feel so cleansed. >> You feel so cleansed. Listen, Mati Kipper, we dance. We dance after you hear that final shifer blast. By the way, just so you mentioned, you have to be true to yourself. We're talking about MS. You know the vitus mag says that that MS is gimmatria 441. If you start the first from the first kia you hear in the beginning of L and you count 440 blasts number 441 is MS. The 441st blast of Nila is the moment where you're as true as you will ever be. And um and again it it's just a feeling. Could you imagine if we walked around with the feeling of being mutzium kipper all year long? You know we vidi is so it's so psychological psychologically true when nobody ever said this is a it's so true nobody ever woke up and said so happy I did that a vera yesterday made me feel so good about myself and nobody ever said so upset I dove and dwell this morning so upset I learned that seder so upset that I was honest anybody ever been honest and felt bad about it no you feel Great. >> Yes. >> Even if it's painful. >> Mhm. >> What do you think is the best way to use this practically? Because it's a 300page safe, which is has so many beautiful stories and takeaways, which is something I loved about the most recent smart. There's takeaways. You you can really summarize what you just read, but at the same time, it's kind of challenging to to have 300page voy not recommended probably to do a two-hour veto. So, what's the best way to utilize a safer to its fullest? >> Okay. So everything needs preparation. >> To go into Yam Kipper without any prep, >> you're really behind Apal because you're going to it's not too late, >> but you're behind Apal because you're going to look I mean what use your what is that? No, in other words, you need to really get a a grasp and an understanding of what we're doing here and what we're saying. And the truth is is that the the swarms say that a person should have like a little bit of a checklist. Now, you don't want to put that checklist up on the board because it's your private checklist, but you should check off and you should make a list of that I really I think I need to work on. And by the way, if it's not on the list, for instance, is not on the list. That's very that's very shocking. Shocking you need and and there are addendums to the and others have additions. there are going to be other um parts of vidri that are mentioned where whether it's a story or vert or something to help explain those as well of one or two and uh and again a person needs to make a list so when you come in to rush to or to yipper we don't do v but you come into yipper you're ready to go now listen during yum kipper there is some downtime there is some time where you can you can look at it and you say maybe you know what wh which a do I want to focus on which two or three things do I think I can do better and and again amazing amazing stories uplifting stories I'm going to share one with you in a second that really was one of the starter stories for this book but and and each a person does when you understand it better you can be more honest to hashem and you can be more sincere and again you'll come out feeling better but I I want to mention Um, um, it's a story on >> how do you translate the word Badnau? >> We we were traders. We were we were traders, which is which is there's nothing worse than a traitor, right? Benedict Arnold. I mean, nothing nothing worse, right? >> That's true. >> Um, so we were traders to Hashem. Now also I want to mention some of the some of the or many of the shamlus are not not necessarily what we've done but what has happened to us >> um because of what we've done and the relationship that has changed now because of it. It goes in and out >> all the way to the end where hashem you've just let go of us. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Which is the scariest thing. >> Yeah. Terrible. Um, so on Badnu, you know, the the the V, if I'm not mistaken, that I write there is is that Badnu is rooted in the word beed. And a begged is clothing. Well, what does clothing have to do with being a traitor? And the truth is is that the clothing is a little bit um not being honest with who you really look like, right? >> External. >> Yeah. Well, what what it what even more than external, it's covering up all your flaws. You want to make something that makes you look good, right? Something a little dishonest about clothing. Um, it's a very deep idea, but the moral talks about it. And and I saw a story had a had a daughter and a granddaughter that Nabur of the D and became involved in in the Zionist movement um in a secular way. and they his granddaughter had and by the way his granddaughter grew up Mama Shana's lap >> she was very close to him >> and the stories I think I wrote a story once about how like she she held on to that very much her relationship with Shiman um and she he had he had a great grandson his name was Uri I believe and he was part he moved to he was part of an elite um group of parachutists and he was he was part of a group that went on a secret mission to Syria in 1955. And they go into Syria, they were caught. And when they were caught, they were tortured mercilessly um by the Syrian government and and they paraded them. You know, we we know how that can happen. and and uh some of his friends were killed and he tried to, you know, he tried to hold on and they tried to break him publicly and they wanted to, you know, they wanted to embarrass and shame and disgrace the the Israelis and and he wanted to let the world know that he had not um that he had not broken, that he had not betrayed and not given away secrets. And we can't even imagine the torture he went through. Um but when when he was finally killed, they hanged him publicly and they sent back his body to Israel. when they sent it to I believe it was Mosha Dan was given something that the Kadisha foundish found that this that this boy 20-year-old boy a great grandson of rib great grandson of rib and that shouldn't be lost. >> Yeah. >> Um he hid under his fingernail a message a tiny little message paper that I believe he wrote with like a pen. He punched out the lettering load. I am not a traitor. I did not betray my people. I didn't give away the secrets. And that became a battle crying. Imagine the courage of a 20-year-old who's been tortured not to give it away. And when I saw the story and it became it became like a they rallied around it as a battlecry. And I saw the story I thought to myself that they discovered it by the Tahara. Here we are in Bishah. And to know that even though our actions have been that of Badnu, we betrayed you. But we want you to know Bishahara. Bishas, as we pound our chests and as we cry and we lower ourselves before you, we want you to know that we will never do that. We will not betray you. Yes, our acts have been that of a traitor and we're deeply ashamed because of that and we cry because of that. But we also have the resolve to set tell you at our moment of purity, our moment of tahara, we will not betray you. Never we'll never betray you again. And that's that's the al and that now you're empowered. Now you say I did but I'm not the I'm not the it's just the and again it doesn't say I didn't check the art scroll translation doesn't say if you're at saying if you've done a lot of then perhaps there's a different version no is pure it's rain it's clean and unfortunately we sully it we dirty it but every day gives us back to us and it's clean again and he'll continue to do that. He believes in us and from the time you're a little boy and this this was written this is written for younger for younger and for older because you're training by the time you become 13 now already you're now you're not running around outside in sh now you're sitting through the long gim kipper day and let's be honest it's very hard for 13 14y olds to sit it's hard for 56 year olds to sit too um and you sit down and you know you're sitting there it's it's a little shorter than some of the longest open it up think what can work by the way works whenever >> right every single day twice a day >> and like the other beautiful safer that you put out >> it's us people that push it aside a whole year we only come back >> that's right that's right >> during fantastic I' I've noticed that we say the twice, right? We say it in ourselves and as well and then we come back again and we do it in the what do we need two vidways in order to get it right? >> Do we need 10 vidways to get it right? Do we need 10? >> We probably do. >> Also, we need, you know, think of it this way. And and by the way, I want to mention something that is so novel in the book. There's different ideas and suggestions brought by Gdum, by the stipler, by all the Bali Musa throughout the generation. How like different ideas don't confess the same sin over and over Kipper? >> He says this is beautiful based on the time of day that you're confessing. What a do I do shak time shak is you can confess that you woke up late for shakas or you miss management at night we do other aas during the afternoon some other aes break it up you're not meant to overload yourself with endless plat prattling I can't even get the word right endless prattling where we just and becomes like you're saying 200 I mean you can't have concentration in pick and choose the ones that you really want to focus on. Obviously, there's a that we follow, but the one focus and when you're articulating them, and you should say them out loud to yourself, what you've done wrong. And when you're confessing, think of it this way, you're building yourself. And your confessions the first night are naturally very very very sad and difficult and hard and you're broken as the day goes on. Keep on keep on committing to to to the and and and and to the resolve that you're going to be better and I'm going to do this and I'm I I know I can do it. And your confidence builds throughout the day. So uh yeah, we got to do it over and over >> and and and I love the fact what what you're saying that you know you can highlight in by the book obviously by the book >> um and then take a highlighter or something and check off the things that are meaningful for you. Maybe by Shakris, you know, you're gonna focus on this this particular aspect of it and then by Mik you'll be a little bit later in in the safer and then by you're you're somewhere else but there's >> it's overwhelming to look at a 300page book about your others even though it's a positive safer even though it's about safer >> but in bite-sized pieces okay you know what this is something that's very relevant to me I want to think about that >> I know personally like one of the things that that that that touches me a lot is stories touched by a story right um and imagine that you you you know you make a little mark in your mer you make one word thing in pencil you know story. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> And then before you say the word badanu just think for a moment. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Then it becomes a transformative type of of voy and I again it's so important to know like do I you know uh first of all dor is all over the place. There's so many >> it's disproportionate. >> Yes. But if you think about our aus it's very proportionate. In other words, we do so many a with our mouths and with debour. Um, but the stories that are in there are not Let me tell you a story about a somebody who spoke terrible Russian horror and terrible. No, let me tell you a story about a person that was careful about horror. A there are stories of those who fell and the devastation that happened from it. But let me tell you a story about somebody who did the opposite. somebody who was careful about lashhara, you know, and so on and so forth. >> So you can create that picture while you're I want to go away from this. This is what I want to be. >> Yes. Yes. Something to aspire to. Yeah. >> Rabbi Spear, the greatest gift that Cla has, Hashem gave us is Chuva. And this book is a gift to us. And it's an opportunity for us to take Chuva to help to break us down, but then to build us up again. Yeah. >> Thank you so much for the gift. And for those people out there who are contemplating on buying this book, buy it. It'll it's a it's a gamecher and by the time you finish and you're saying you'll be so glad you bought this book because it'll be a different yum kipper that will bring you to the next year's rash. Thank you Rabbi Spiru. Always to talk to you. Thank you. [Music]