Inside ArtScroll - Season 5 Episode 4: Rabbi Joey Haber – Vayimaen

[Music] Hello everyone and welcome back to Inside Art Scroll where the books you read and the people who write them come to life. Today I am privileged to be joined by Rabbi Joey Haber, renowned speaker and Mashia. Thank you Rab Joey for being here. Thank you very much. It's very exciting to sit and speak to you. I know you have a busy schedule. I'm looking forward as well. And you managed to squeeze us into the schedule. Thank you. It's my honor and I really appreciate you coming out to Rae tomoo. The truth is it took a Vaya book to get you down here. Yeah, I'm looking forward because I I really has a very special place in my heart. So, I'm excited about the conver and I appreciate you coming here. I we we're going to have a limited amount of time, but really with you, we could go in so many different directions both about your your career which Bar Hashem has taken off. you're you're really speaking in so many so many places different audiences you seem to have a message that resonates with those audiences so lucky to have such an eloquent voice. Thank you. Uh today we are here to discuss the value book which I I'm going to start with this. Um you are one of the many speakers who have spoken for Vim and it's a remarkable thing the even popular speakers like yourselves. You you've addressed massive audiences. You speak all the time and yet the speakers of Aim say that the feedback they've gotten to their clips, however many they've done, some have done one or two, some have done many. They say there's nothing like it. They've never seen anything like that type of feedback. Talk about that. So, to me, it's incredible. When I first got called about this, it was about a year ago now. And they called me up. We have this idea with these videos. I don't even know if I heard about it before or not, and we want to know if we could film you a few videos. I said, "Okay, fine. No problem. And they came down. Actually, I think the first one I did was specific for Super Bowl Sunday. Mhm. And I said, "Okay, we could talk about avoiding this watching, you know, I said it's delicate because there's you don't want to endorse watching the sub bowl because a lot of people are living. I don't know if I'm speaking and they're not watching anything and you don't want to even hint to the fact that they are. And then there's other people that really are watching the Subo. nothing you could do about it, but you want them to sort of be a little careful about what they see and don't see the halftime show, the commercials, and be and have a certain standard. And I said, "Okay, I'm going to try." And we did a video that day and I couldn't whatever a week before they put it out that day and I couldn't believe how many places it was and all a sudden everywhere I go all of a sudden we saw your video, we saw a video, the Super Bowl video, we saw the video like what? I didn't know what Vine is. Uhhuh. And now all of a sudden I'm hearing about it from every different direction. And then we did a many more. And each time now I walk into a room and people won't tell me, "Oh, you spoke here. You spoke there. I saw this clever." Very often the first time I greeted, oh, you're the guy. I loved your vaan video. I'm like, how about everything else? There really people seems to be that vayan captured the imagination of Kalia in a very very dramatic way. Unbelievable. It's unbelievable. So, like I said, the other night I was my you walk in the door. Three people. I loved your body mind. The one about the story about the guy you had the story the person didn't go to Vegas. He had like people asked me there's a soft cipher that I set over in a recent V mine. I got asked in so many different places. Could you show it to me inside? Can I? I was like, how'd this happen? It it's only a year and a half old, right? I mean, I think I have a lot of reasons how it happened. So I was going to what do you think especially in light of the fact that is built on the topic of which it's it's expanded over the last year or so speakers have taken the liberty perhaps they're exhausting the number of times you could talk about the shaalis on the you know there's only there's only so much tyra on that topic okay and perhaps people are exhausting the the ver that they have so they're expanding to talk about overcoming challenges in general but what's what's interesting is that the main topic is Shamir Hayim Kadusha topics that growing up in Flapush. You grew up in Lakewood, New Jersey, right? I grew up in deal and I went but I went to school in Lakewood in the most innocent time of it. When we grew up without asking your age, I know we may be in the same age bracket. These were topics that were not discussed when we grew up and things like that. It was it was almost a taboo topic. It was something that was that was kept somewhat under under wraps and and it was something that everyone dealt with individually. It was an individual aid not a public aid and then comes and brings it out into the public and surprisingly so there seems to be this this embrace of the topic. What what do you think that is? So I I first of all I think there's a lot of why V by Mine is so successful and then I'll get to the Shmeir and I part of it specifically as far as why Vine is so successful. First of all I think they're really careful with the speakers they choose. It's not just any guy who can talk that they take clips from. I think number two is they they they really make sure the content is good. Like there are times I was talking to them I said I I made seven clips. Do you put them all out? I like they said no no we put only the home run ones out. So they really care about what they do and they produce it very well. Right. That we know. So it's literally a mini movie. So here you have a a a movie that's obviously kosher that's literally there's a story there's a like the way it's made the way it's produced is is is incredible. But I think the biggest reason why it's so popular and part of the reason why to your question why it's talked about so much more today is because the struggle is humongous. And it's something that I realized by how many people came over to me about it. I said basically if you tell me you love my V mind videos or you love mind in general that means you're saying in essence you struggle with this topic because if I was telling people when you're walking on the street make sure you don't glance at the squirrel no one was going to be saying to me I don't know if I should say it that way but if I was on the streets and saying be careful that that you're careful about the the trees no one's going to say wow that was uh that's so inspiring. Mhm. It's obviously inspiring because it's something you struggle with. Mhm. And I think our generation is struggling with this more than any previous generation. And the reasons are very obvious. The reasons are because um marketing and and and pictures have advanced in such a dramatic level. So people have screens in their home. Even the forest homes have a screen with a computer. They have internet. They don't have internet. They have filtered internet. There's a lot of that. Then you have all the phones and everything that's on the phones. And then you have the advancement of you know just how where there's a lot of from people in the in the working for in the workforce which means they're tested often about what where what their eyes are seeing and and then at the same time you have it just our communities are bigger the amount of people we're around are bigger. It just has become an incredible nayon. So to not talk about it would really not be addressing the topic that everyone out there is struggling with. So there may have been a time when you even and you know it's funny one of the value mind videos that got a lot of feedback on which is to this po which I think answers part of to answer your question is that these days there's even a struggle within the from community that means that the the the guarding of of your eyes is not just to guard your eyes on something inappropriate it's even from things that are appropriate and what's happened is that the from community you said I grew up around Lakewood. The F community at at that point was so pure and was so insulated. You know what I'm saying? I love telling this. I went to Lakewood when there were two parallel classes in the whole town of Lakewood. Just digest that. Two parallel classes for boys in the whole town. I don't know if people know Lakewood. There's a building in Lakewood called the Legion building. It's next to Yeshiva. Sure. That's the whole schooling. When you went to the there was I was in the leader building till about fourth grade fifth grade we moved to the earth and BMG was in one building BMG was in one B one B Yan and that was it and then I remember when they built Bio yeah across the street every we remember watched the whole step but the town was you know it went as far as Madison you know I don't want to get into details of Lakewood but was basically went as far Madison was Clifton was the was the border on one side and and you know maybe second street was the border on one side there's a few people that lived over the lake it was like a thing over the lake and other people live 14th Street. That was the whole square. So people's life, the way people live, the way people dressed, the way people what people were were was saw around them was all very very um very appropriate. Mhm. So the nan in the mach so to speak was not so great. And now all of a sudden, and I'm not just picking like any town that's in the from world and in the Jewish world, all of a sudden the horizons and the mentalities have expanded, right? So now all of a sudden even what's described as a from family is much broader and much more colorful than it used to be. So there's not in our there's not there's test outside of it and there's tests in the fact that there screens pushed in our face in a 100 different ways. So it's become a humongous challenge and because it's become a humongous challenge I think that's why it's taken off in a dramatic dramatic way and it seems that also because people are struggling with it from my vantage point what I see is that besides for providing real time you know ways to deal with it it was a validation it was saying we understand your struggle that alone it's a great point because I think this is a and I don't know Maybe we have to discuss it with Gdelm to see what it's supposed to be. But there was a time that it felt like that the approach to the topic almost was you should feel guilty that you ever have a tava at all. Like the fact that you ever have a thought to to you should feel guilty that you have that that that feeling. It's very delicate to talk about this. Even as I'm talking to you about it, I'll tell you the truth. I'm uncomfortable because you want to use words like again you this is to me this is very important about this topic in general. Excuse me for putting this in parenthesis but if you're going to talk about this if you're going to talk about it the right way you have to talk about it there has to be as nondescriptive as possible. Absolutely. Because if you describe something even if every word is kosher and every description is kosher that itself is is a breach is a breach. Right. So, as I'm talking to you, I'm struggling because I'm trying to make sure that the words we're using are really coming out the right way. That's a great point. And by the way, I've noticed that also in the mind videos, there's so much in in the way the messages are presented. And I want to just to segue to the book for a second. Rabbi Spiro did an unbelievable job on this book. I'm telling you, it is a phenomenal book. You you read the book and you feel uplifted. And what he did was he took the imagery of the videos that makes Vay so interesting and he actually captures it in the book if that's possible and he does it in such an adal way such a gentle way. Wow. So that before we get to to the book for a second I'm just saying this struggle that we're talking about it there used to be a feeling of like if you ever struggle with this you should feel bad about yourself and now it's transitioned. I'm not sure if it's through the direction of Gdoleim or just happened. But it's transitioned to if you struggle with this, you're a regular person. It's almost like if you don't struggle with this, we have to worry. If you struggle with this, you're a regular person. And but now do your best to work on it. So the feeling that maybe Vim created is this is a universal struggle. Now let's work on it. and every day having these positive, uplifting, energizing videos that are telling a person how to lift themselves out of that feeling and how I know you feel this way. It's okay you feel this way, but now don't. I think that has resonated tremendously with now getting to spiro. So, first of all, I just want to tell you is a beautiful person. I I we've interacted a number of times and we've become very friendly. In fact, he's spoken a couple of times on our behalf and different things we've done. And he, you know, he'll he's he's just wonderful. He's humble. He'll send a beautiful comment. Sometimes a speech of mine will send a comment. I loved it. I love how you said it. And I'm like, you know, you kind of spiro like you don't need a bow. It's just there's something very beautiful about his demeanor and his way and his humility and his and the way he does things is is really phenomenal. Um, that being said, yes, his way to write and the truth is I I don't know if I should admit this, but his some of the books that I love to read that in my first speeches I used to incorporated were his books. Touched by a story one, touched by a story two. If you come in my house, you'll see half the pages folded. Those are the ones that I like would like to tell over. By the way, your stories also I love telling over. I thank you. So um but he really does a phenomenal job and he really picks fantastic stories and his way of writing really brings it out in a beautiful way. So having him be the person to do this um I think even adds another level of strength and legitimacy to it and the way he writes he writes in a beautiful way. He always does. I you know I once asked him like how you put out so many books so fast. I don't know what is he has his ways and how he does it but he does it. He gets it done really unbelievably. Maybe it helps living in Baltimore. Maybe the chaos of New York. I don't know. Maybe, you know, maybe there's parking where he lives in the end. But he really does. He's a he's a great talent. And I I'll echo your sentiment. He's he he's one of the most talented people I know. And that's not even his biggest mile. I hear you. Yes. No, he really he's a gem of a person. And he was the right person for this for this project for sure. Now, we're we're talking about these struggles. You're someone who speaks to many audiences, men, women, boys, girls, and so much of what you speak about is tapping into that that inner nishama, the strength to overcome. What is the message that you typically give over when you want to talk about whether it's RN's challenges, whether it's peer pressure, what ultimately is that home run message that you find resonates with your audience? So the first thing is you've got to you have to come from an up place, not from a down place. Not like don't don't turn don't see something inappropriate because you're bad if you do so. Not that like we we always we're always wrong and always and and there were times in Claus that maybe that was the message. I don't think it is now. I think now we're Claus is struggling a lot mentally too. The pressure on people is intense. Like the average person has a lot of emotional struggle. Raising children is harder than anyone mar imagine. Having the real shalom bay the way you really envision it is harder than anyone imagined. Cost of living is just not even fair and it's ridiculous. So now you're starting off every person wakes up in the morning. So many people in this in our people today living beautiful lives wake up in a cold sweat and they start to think about their day and they get a this bill this challenge this kid this school there's a lot that's going on so people have to be lifted up that's what they need and those are the messages that are resonating across right now the most you know what I'm saying beam is lifting people up you know it's always it's always with that positive always somehow lifting people up so I that that's the a the A is that it has to come from something that makes you feel excited not something that makes you feel beat down um a message now when it comes to vayan in a personal level what I like to talk about a lot is that I really think that when a person does not is not careful about kadusha and is not careful about where their eyes wander I think those people are much more frustrated so I think you have this added advantage That's not the reason why we do it. The reason why a person has to be is because Hashem said you have to be a lot of times when we make things comfortable and we sell it to you. It's almost like you should listen because of the sales pitch. You're not listening because of the sales pitch. You're listening because Hashem said to do so. But the sales pitch I think happens to be fairly easy on this one because people that eyes are all over the those people are not happy people. That's obviously going to just make you more frustrated. The concept of being jealous. Let's say we talked about just your eyes wandering to seeing what other people's cars and other people's homes. Most people don't get happy seeing someone else's house being bigger than theirs. So the Seeing things that that you don't have is not helping you. It's not making you happier. So the easy cell on this is the more you the more self-control you use, the more you're able to say no, the more happiness and you're bringing into your life right away, easily directly that minute. Mhm. So, first it has to be uplifting and secondly it has to be um and it has to be something where where you realize you're going to be happier. Again, the challenge of this is is that we've been able I think a lot of speakers today have been able to sell um a Torah lifestyle so nicely that it becomes more about the sales pitch than it does like for example and this is not about but it's a good example. There's so many stories out there about the person davin and they got saved. I hate those stories because really Hashem decides if you're going to get saved or not. I'm not saying I've never said those stories, but I try to avoid those stories at all costs because it makes people feel like like that's how it works. So I understand you're trying to sell Davening. You're trying to sell Tifila. So the way you sell Tifila is you say, "We know this guy. The doctors went in, they checked his heart. He needed he had a disease all over. They couldn't even do surgery. And then they said to Haleem and they opened up his gone forever and he lived half after. Wonderful story. They're easy to tell. They're fun to tell and they do inspire people to din until someone dins and it doesn't work and they die for someone and the person didn't live and now all of a sudden they come back. And again, I work a lot with the Syrian, not with with modern part of of of the Jewish world and also a lot with the front part of Jewish world, but the modern part of Jewish world struggles with this. I dive and it didn't work. The answer is whoever told you that's the equation. You do because Hashem told you to dive. You ding because you connect to Hashem. You ding because you're a servant of Hashem. You do because that's a that is our way to serve and connect. That's our way that we build ourselves and we build our strength. That's why you dab it and not because of results. So the same thing is true here is our obligation. I don't care whether you like it or not. I don't care whether life is happier by closing your eyes or not. It's our obligation. But it also happens to be that people that are it's so much easier to be focused. It's so much easier to be happy. I think that becomes a very powerful that becomes a powerful message and I think and the message is also beyond the shme and kaduca component right is also as many of the speakers have alluded to is tapping into the what what we were talking about before the inner strength and fortitude to say no to different things it might be materialistic it might be different types of peer pressure it's really building strength to do what I want to do not to be forced by outside forces. Right? So that um I I think is a message that I personally love and I I've said this a lot of time in speeches. I'll share it again here. Anytime I get an excuse to share it, I like sharing it. And that is I was once I was once struggling like I'm trying to teach my children and I'm trying to teach them like how we want to be our kids. And now you find the kids saying but that family does it that way. That family does that. So sometimes I say, "Well, we're more Yeshivish than them." And then, "Oh, but that family doesn't do it." Oh, we're more normal than them. So I keep going back and forth from like I have to knock everybody in order to make my kids agree with our mahala. And then I I had a thought and it was a random place. We were in Philadelphia. We were going on a trip. We were going to take a horse and buggy ride. We were sitting outside the horse and buggy and we were on at some table or something and and the kids were waiting. They had a half hour wait. I said, "Guys, I want to tell you something." So, my kids are all sitting at the table. I said, "There's such a thing in the world as a brand. Fargamo is a brand. Nike is a brand. Disney is a brand. Coca-Cola is a brand. Uh Gucci is a brand. Toyota is a brand. Every there's brands. Each brand has a very distinct style and everyone within that brand understands the style. So, everyone in Coke understands the kind of products that would be under the Coke heading. Everyone at Disney understands what fits with Disney. This this cartoon fits with Disney. That's not a Disney type. Everyone knows you go to Disney theme parks, I think they're made in the way that everything is all Disney. Gucci, there's certain leathers that they'll use. Other leathers, they don't even you don't bring it into Gucci because that's our way. I said families also are a brand. Each family has a brand and they have a style and they're known for certain things and they're good at certain things and they have certain strengths and it doesn't mean that that family is better than another family means it's what they're known for. I said our habers we're a brand based on our grandparents based on based on my grandparents based on your grand my parents based on myself based on mommy and us uh based on your aunts and uncles. We have a certain style and we're most conditioned for that style. So what and when people see you, they see that style. It doesn't mean that we're our style is better than others. It just means this is ours and this is our unique blend that we could serve Hashem with in a very be hopefully beautiful way. And like a light bulb went on in their head. It was like they got it and it didn't have to I don't have to knock anything else. And it doesn't mean you can't get a lot from everything. Of course, you're getting a lot from all Russia Shivas, other families and other things that you can learn from, but ultimately it fits into our way. And every one of my kids, I got to get there with my youngest, but but my younger ones, but every one of my older kids that like they get our bought in and it's easy. I don't have to sell it to them. I don't have to feel like like I have to convince them what we do. And and our family is certain unique way, a certain way. We are very sheish in a certain way. We have a very normal side. They like not every family has that blend, but we have that blend and my kids are very comfortable with that blend. But you're saying really every family on their level could every family can create that that we're a brand and you should be proud of what we once you're proud of the brand, it's easy to say no to other things and every family has to have that now and and I think most families could. Now, can I ask you a a technical question? If if my father is Rabbi Joey Haber and he's fairly wellknown and he's an eloquent speaker and he's out there and he's making a difference. So if I'm your child, yeah, it's, you know, I like the brand. It's a pretty good brand. But not every family is is high-profile. Not every family has parents who are prominent or even successful. They're different levels. How do you how would you inculcate that pride in a in a run out of mill family where they don't have that cache? Okay, I appreciate the compliment. You made me uncomfortable. I'm not sure what to say, but I appreciate what he's saying that. Um, but I would say is this. Every family has a success and every family has something and and and if you want your kids to buy in, you have to have some success. It could be your the father is very good at it could be the father is very helpful in the shul. It could be the mother is very involved in certain things in the community. If if you want your children to look up to you, they have to see a little bit of validation of what you are. And at some point, again, it doesn't have to be something that shatters the world, but it has to be something that that there is a reason. And if you find a f like, you know, is a little success, like I said, maybe maybe you have guests come to your house a lot, so you're successful at bringing guests over. You're successful at being very fun people. There's some area of success. Kids want to follow success. There's some area of success that has to come out. And again, the definition of success could be very different. You could be you could be a good Shiloh second seder that does a wonderful job in the brim love you and you really lift up those bakim very much. That's success, right? You get what I'm saying? And you could be a person who who works in a store and the people that come and you make a simple salary, but everyone loves coming to the store because you greet them wonderfully. That's also success. So maybe this is a little shalishma. Maybe it should be that that you shouldn't need success in order to follow your your parents. It's true. But the advice to parents would be is that ultimately if you want your children to follow you, some kind of success is critical. I want to tell you I love I love the concept. I think from a standpoint it's vital. It's interesting that people don't really talk about it. This this this nuda I've thought about it a lot. I never thought of it as a brand. I always thought about instilling in your children pride to be who they are and it really comes it filters down from the parents. But I love how you're framing it as a brand. You're a brand. Every family is a brand. And it takes effort and time to cultivate that. Yeah. You also have to validate the kids within the brand. If you're successful, but the kids have like have no connection or different interest, then they're not interested. I'll give you I'm I'm pretty open. I give you a scary conversation that happened last night. My youngest son's teacher calls up. She couldn't get my wife on. She calls me. I know I answered. I answered. She says, "Raba, hey, can I speak to you?" I said, "I'm actually busy. I'm going to a meeting right now. Can you call me?" She says, "I really want to tell you something." I said, "Okay, I'll call you later." I I said, "My my wife will call you back." Now, I've called the teacher back. Teacher says by the way my wife tells me by the you know what the teacher said I said what the teacher said teacher said that our son says that my father doesn't have any time for me ever and my father's very busy and my father speaks all over and he never has any time for me. So I was like oh wow I'm the guy who talks about spending time with your children and all that stuff. So, and as I sure enough as I was this is my wife is telling this I'm leaving the house to go make a speech somewhere in Q Garden Hills and come back and I'm like uh so first of all that night I came right when I came home um my son likes to see me he likes to know that I'm home for the night which I'm often not. So I right away he could tell if I'm home for the night. put on something relaxed in my I said so I I right away John went to my room put on something looked calm and I called him to my room I said mosha come in here he says that I said you want to talk to me more he says yeah I said do you realize that we're very close he says yeah I said in all likelihood we're closer than most fathers and sons in your class just want to be clear he says I know I said you realize that for five years I put you to sleep almost every night telling you the story of David we went through half of we went through the whole shel theim the half of Yoshua and the whole shaft team together like let's just relax on the you know I said but I know what happened over there was a winter vacation for the Syrian community and I didn't go away so every night I stayed home with him and we spent time together I said I know you want to have know that you have time with me so let's schedule a time I said Thursday night 9th he says oh you're going to give me in a month from now so he's liking the manipulation because he knows he knows it's my weak point so here's my weak point to make me feel like I'm not a great father. So I said to him, I said, "No, no. Thursday, this is Tuesday night." I said, "Thursday night from 9:30 was out to Hashem. 9:30 we sit down, we spend time, we'll play game time." I said, "Is that good?" I said, "And then on Thursday night, we're going to schedule another time." So he walked out, he felt great. But that's a big component, too. The kids need to feel like you're in tune to them. And this is a whole another topic, a whole thing we could get into, but there requires some success. It requires a standard and it requires also you very much validating them and their feelings and their struggles and giving them their time that they need. So I appreciate the teacher's call because she's kind of got me moving. I don't think it's as bad as it sounded like if I said oh we sound like that whole horror story the father he's so busy it turns out his own son like you know it sounds like a great story but I think that that to get back to va I think that that really is where it boils down to every family in amel needs to be proud of what it means to be part of this family it's the stories of our grandparents our great-grandparents our zis our bubbas our ela zadis it's the stories of our of our ourselves and our own accomplishment ments. It's the pride and the beauty of being in this home. There has to be joy in the house. There has to be happiness in the house. There has to be, if I could use the word, fun in the house. This has to be an uplifting place. Once you're uplifted and you're energized and you believe in what it means to be you, then all the restrictions that are required are easy to do. So if you go to the the former queen of England and you said that there are guidelines and and this is something I said once in a speech that I also got a ton of feedback. It's just a regular speech that went around and I said the guidelines there's guidelines of what's allowed in the queen's wardrobe. I'm sure it's annoying but it's never difficult because in the end of the day if that's what it takes to be the queen I'm in. Mhm. So the same thing is true with us that if we believe in our brand and more importantly if we believe in our royalty and our relationship with Hashem and we're proud of it then it becomes not so difficult to say no to the things that make us us. And that's the concept of the concept is you could say no to that because you're not saying no to something you're really saying yes to something much better. So to say no to something that just no is very frustrating. And yes, for a buck when you're 20 years old, right now it's just no. It's not like because of that you're more focused in your home and your family that didn't start yet. So right now it's very difficult. But ultimately then no is going to lead to a much more powerful yes. It's going to lead to a focus in your home and and a and a belief and a trust within your marriage and within your family. That's incredible. So when you when you're excited about what you're doing and you're excited about where it's taking you, I think that enables you the work that it takes to get there and this the the restrictions and the discipline that takes to get there becomes a lot easier. On a totally on a on a totally different topic, I'm going to treat myself now. I want to ask you I'm very intrigued. It's not every day I get to have you sitting here, but as you say that to every guy that sits here. No, no, I don't. I don't. Um, every guest is special in their own way. 100%. I don't want to get in trouble. Appreciate. I appreciate I don't want to get in trouble. You're gonna get me in trouble with some people. All the guests have been great in their own way. I know. I know. They each bring something special to the table. But I want to ask you to f three or four questions. You could answer them together, but I'm really intrigued to hear what you have to say. Even if the camera was off, I would want to ask you this. Number one, who's a speaker of speakers who growing up who you looked up to and you wanted to emulate in terms of the way they were able to empower people and inspire people? Number one. Number two, what do you think makes a good speech? Number three, um how long do you prepare for a speech and can you use the same speech multiple times? And before just a side thing, you're speaking to many different audiences, both Ashkanazi and Svardi, but you yourself are Svardi. So I'm curious how you decide when you use what pronunciation and how you don't get confused because you seem to do it so smoothly. So Okay. Wow, that was a ton. Okay, go one at a time. Not the first one first. I have to think about that one because I never fully do it. Go one at a time. What makes a good speech? Is it the content delivery, stories, um beginning and end? What what what what's the secret? Okay, there's a ton of things to it. First thing that makes a good speech is being incredibly in tuned to what the crowd is looking for. You need to think. I start off preparing every speech. No one wants to hear a word Joey H has to say. That's my intro in my head. No one wants to hear me. Just because I'm standing here doesn't mean they want to hear me. I'm now I know they don't want to hear me. How what do I know they want to hear about? What are they thinking about? What do they care about? What's on their mind? So the goal, the first step is no matter which audience you're in, what's in their head? You know, every single time I make a speech, no matter where it is, I'll talk to the people involved and I'll ask them a thousand questions. And a lot of times, if there's a few speeches, a lot of speeches in a week, I'll make sure to ask that people, those people close enough to the speech so I could remember and get into their head. How what's the background? What's the kind of people? How many people are going to be there? What's the setting? What are they thinking about? How from are they? What's their dynamic? How religious with the men or woman? Are they Oh, where did they send their kids to school? A million questions to sort of feel like what it feels like to be them. So, the most important component of a speech is being in tune to what the crowd is thinking about. That's the olive. Um, bet is Yeah, you can never talk down to a crowd. The crowd always has to feel like you respect them and you believe in them. So, if a crowd ever feels like you're a little dismissive of anything about them, you could rebuke. And a lot of times the speeches can be very direct but it comes in a way that the crowd feels lifted up. Now at the same time also you want to make it interesting. Now a lot of people think stories are interesting and are not. The truth is today it's not even so true because everyone's heard a million stories. A good vart like hits you. Mhm. So, and I you can't always get a good vart because sometimes the emtt is not the best most ringing perfectly placed vart. It's just the emmed sometimes you I mean out of viashi is under the category of of a of a sweet easy vart to hear. So, but when you can a good v you want to be interesting throughout. So, even when you're not telling a story, it should feel somewhat like a story. So, it should feel like there's something that's taking place. which leads to another component is that anytime you're using an analogy or a mashal or anything like that, if you could put it in a story form, it's much better. So if you say the man went to the store, let's say the man went to the store, I'm already done. I'm I fell asleep. But if you say yesterday when I went to Walgreens, that's all of a sudden it's more intriguing. It's like, okay, what happened? Right? So if you and that's and then another thing that I use I think more than I I would say this became my thing is I use a lot of personal stories and the personal stories that I use often don't make me look good and it's funny you said just like the story just now I told you that the teacher called up and said that my son just told a few teachers in the school that I never get my father's time that did not make me look good but you know what it also did is half the people that are listening to this are saying Oh wow. Cuz I had a similar experience. Either the teacher called or the teacher didn't call, but I sort of feel that way like my son feels like I'm not paying attention or my daughter feels like. So all of a sudden they feel like one second he he he he knows my life. So saying vulnerable stories for some reason for a lot of people is hard to do. I don't find it hard to do because I maybe because I've seen how much it's resonated and I remember the first time I told the personal story. It wasn't even the best story, but the crowd reacted in a unique way. And I think when you tell those stories, now again, someone once said to me, it's similar to the whole idea of the brand. You can't tell a story that makes you look bad and now everyone thinks of you as bad. You're talking about an audience that came to hear me or turned it on in their car to hear me. So, they obviously think I have some level of competence. So, now to make myself vulnerable comes off as cute. Whereas if I just make myself look like a schlub then that's that's not vulnerable. That's just never. So there's a balance. So there's a balance of that. So I gave you a bunch of components of I think of what makes it obviously good stories always resonate. We we love a good story but I think a lot of those things are what resonates and makes and how how about delivery? What what part of a delivery talks to you that you know that is it is it someone's vocabulary? Is it their energy? Is it their passion? So what do you think it is? I think all of those things work. I think having sometimes I wish I had a better vocabulary. Um it's funny my brother speaks my brother Rabbi Davidid he's actually done a few months. He has a great vocabulary. Um I I I sometimes I wish I had a better vocabulary. Um but I do think it helps. Now you could also get to where your vocabulary is too hard too much and it's like okay he's Mr. Perfect. I got it. I'll see you later. So a little bit the the the realness of it is is important but the high vocabulary I think helps. I think a strong delivery that that expresses expresses the emotion of the speech. So at times you're sad, it should feel sad. At times you're happy, it should feel happy. At times you're you're driving home a point that should feel like it's driven home. At times you got to go slow. At times you have to go fast. So balancing all of that, but it's really expressing the emotion uh as it's happening that I think becomes powerful in terms of a delivery. Now I asked you about preparation. How how much time do you prepare? Way more than anyone imagines. Really? My first speeches were about I was still learning in Lakewood and it was maybe 22 23 years ago. I used to give a a share to four people around the table. I prepared 10 hours. Four people 45 minutes. And the preparation and and at that time I would say that was the best decision I ever made in my life. Maybe my wife may she I know but I'm saying that was the one of the best decisions ever made because you have to prepare well. Now at this point are there times that I wing it? There are times that I wing it but everything that is like if I'm creating an original speech I try to put in a ton of time. Let's say you addressed a huge audience of women and girls the nades event. It was an arena literally an arena of of women and girls. How much time did you spend on that? Okay. So that the whole thing of that was a nace. I could tell you the story ongoing. But long story short, they didn't tell call me to come and do it until a week before. That means I am right now booked for speeches in June. Really? May, June. Not not saying the whole schedule. There's some people that will still call now for February. And now for those watching, it's it's now the early February, right? I say, but the point is and you could you could have there'll be other people that will call two, three weeks in advance. But nicadesh called on a Tuesday night. It was going to be the event was gonna be the next Wednesday night. And they basically were saying that they they they wanted like a little bit of like I guess they wanted to make sure that it wasn't only yeshiva. So a little bit of a like but you were acceptable. I have a flip on. They I don't know why they and they said okay we want to see. So good. So now I all of a sudden got super focused on it like nothing else in the world was on my mind. And now I'm thinking about it. I prepared a speech. Sunday morning I called them up and said, "We want to hear your speech." Sunday morning, I called them up. I was actually driving to Lakewood because I had moved to deal for the summer. I was driving to Lakewood. I like to learn a BMG when I have a chance in the summer. So, I was driving to Lakewood on Sunday morning and they call me up. Let me hear the speech. I told them over the whole speech. They said, "Everyone knows that already. They nixed the whole thing." So, now it's Sunday morning. The speech is Wednesday night. I've never in person spoken to 25,000 people before in my life. Um, and 20,000 of them at that time, maybe 23,000 of them never heard of me before. I was saying like, why is someone named Joey on this flyer an event like it was like really and and then the Aisha had just made miracles like all a sudden started happen. I got to BMG, I bumped it. So I saw some kid I never knew I came late because it was after she deal my son all shows up because he's learning liquid. I said, "What are you doing here?" You don't learn this basement. I should learn the other one. He said, "No, my friend bumped into you." I said, "How'd he bump into me? How'd he even see I saw one guy?" He said, "Yeah, he saw someone holding a banishai." He figured it was it was you. I never No one brings a beneskai into liquid Yeshiva. I never in my life brought a benes. Some reason that Sunday I did. My son says, "By the way, you know, Dad, you're speaking in the Kadesh in three days." Like, "Yeah, you know what you're going to say?" I said, "The truth is they just nixed it on my drive here." He says, 'Why don't you say the speech with the king and the speech with the the story with the king and the story with the eagle? I was like, whoa, that's great. I'm going to do that. These are stories I've said before. That day, right after I was Yeshiva, I thought of a thing of like we long story short, I was consumed with the speech the entire week. I got a lot of feedback and again, I went to BMG again the Tuesday before to ask people, does you do you have technology in the house? Do you not? I want to feel what the audience is going with and see the confusion that the audience is like what are they thinking? I'm in Brooklyn all year. I'm not in Lakewood all year. Majority of the audience was from Lakewood. So I need to feel what they were thinking. And then I had a brother who's a little associated with his name is Rabbi Yakov, but he's a little associated with the with the tag and all that stuff. He called me as I'm in the arena and he says, "Joey, what are you going to say?" I I said, "I prepared the speech already." I said, "You know what?" I said, "Let me out of respect to him. He's my younger brother, but I respect him. Let me share with him the speech. I share. See, he tweaked 10 things. He said, "Don't say that line. Do say that line minus that. Don't say that story. Not not strong. Keeping that story." And I got up on the stage. And the took care of the whole. And I mean, and they called me that morning. They said, "By the way, just for you to know, we did a event the night before. There's only going to be a thousand people there when you speak." I said, "What? You got me here all the way here, this and that, and there's going to be a thousand people." They said, "By the time you're done, it'll be full." Mhm. So I called my brother. I said, "What should we read?" This brother was in Lake. I said, "What should we do?" He said, "Listen, if Hashem got you here, he'll get you there." Uhhuh. What Hashem do? I said, I didn't call them back. I didn't worry. Stood on the stage. The place was 95% full. And all of the hookups from all around the world were all hooked hooked in at that time. And everyone was like excited to see like what's this event going to be and what's the so it became a speech that so many more people heard than if I would have been at the end because at the end people were getting tired of the topic a little more like that. So Hashem runs the world. I will tell you this every single speech I've ever given is a nace nigla. That means Hashem has to send me a story of art a thing like I don't know where it came from every single time. I'm not exaggerating but it requires a ton of preparation. a ton ton of preparation and that all goes back to the respect of the audience. The audience is here to hear you. They don't want to hear you just ramble even though I just did. They want to hear you prepared and they want to hear and feel like you prepared for them. They could tell when you're prepared and it gets them up to listen. So just before we wrap up the conversation um the two is the two other things I asked you the pronunciation Ashkanasardi. Okay. And who Okay. And then and then no I was just curious if you can't think of I know I put you on the spot. If there's anyone who who you you know you emulate as as as someone who's able to connect to an audience. Okay. So I I'll answer both. First of all the ashasari my background is very very very Syrian. My parents are Syrian. I was raised in a Syrian house my entire life. I I prayed in Syrian shoes my entire life very Syrian. And my background is also very very Ashkanaz. That means I went to Lakewood went out from five years old and then after you know 10 grades in Lake from preschool to nine grades I went to Stan Yeshiva for seven years. I learned in Brisker Israel. Then I learned in BMG for 10 years. So I've heard you now thousands of Shiran Yiddish. So like I said, my background is fully ash and fully Syrian. So I feel very very comfortable in both. And the truth is this is where it's tricky to speak to a Syrian audience. I couldn't even possibly speak Ashkanaz. Like it only comes out of my guts Syrian. To speak to an Ashkanaz audience, it feels like I'm faking if I speak. So if I say the puk says in the gimar this to to a lakewood crowd I'm like who am I fooling? So it naturally goes to a lakewood crowd in the yeshivish way and it naturally goes to a to a Syrian crowd in the I would say that that's a that's a talent to be able to do that and you're saying it almost comes second nature. So if I were to say who were the speakers that helped mold me I would first start with my father. Uhhuh. My father was a wonderful speaker. He's not so well now, but he was a wonderful speaker and people in the Syrian community used to love to hear him. But I would say my father had a lot more dignity in his speech than I like get, you know, and I guess and and I'm a sort of a combination of my father and my mother that my father is very very like respectful and aristocratic and my mother is very dynamic and real. So I think the combination of the two is inside me. So they had a big impact. Um Marab Yeshiva had a big impact not necessarily in the speaking style but like Rau was Maroshiva is Marsha so he like he's very practical wise was my manal is very practical I grew up pretty close to Rabbi diamond in deal and he's very like he resonates his his things really like hit you in a beautiful way and then the tr when I got married and my I lived in D or lake whatever my in-laws lived in Brooklyn so sometimes times I would go to Rabbi Eli Manso's speech. He was like a few years older than me and I was like, "Oh, because I had no real place in Brooklyn because I was really grew up in Jersey. So I would go in this speech and maybe I went to seven or eight of them as a kid, but there was bunch of things that that he did. I said like, "Wow, the way he did 45 minutes on one topic, the way he really like sort of lifted up the crowd and resonated with the crowd was funny and serious at the same time." Some of those things bringing to content in a very interesting way. All of that like registered in my head in a really strong way. Like I said, wow, like that's interesting to be able to do that. And and when I first started speaking, people would be like, "Oh, he's an ex Mexican again, right? My man is is older than me. Oh, he's an expans." So like in the certain community, I would get that comment a lot. Uh but now I think we have very unique styles, but I would say those people all together contributed to getting there. That's really great. So I I I might have talked too much, but but I appreciated the conversation. I love your insights. This was a great conversation. No, thank you very much. Keep doing what you do. We we love your dras. We love your shim. We love your speeches. I hope that you'll be on Vim again. No, we're hoping to be out there many many more times. And and we're excited again for this book, which is bringing the video messages and the written word that so many people are going to appreciate it. And I I should mention that besides for the fact that it's based on what the speaker said on Vimo and Rabbi Spiro in his own tremendously creative way added in a lot of his own. So this is a a new creation. Um but it's just a continuation of the heroic courageous people behind Vay who choose to be anonymous incredibly that this first of all they're unbelievable if you would if you know how humble they are. like I don't think they realize how much of impact they're making on CLI. And I think that this is another step in that battle that we're that we as a nation are waging against what you would say is the marketing technology um ination of images that are being thrown in people's faces all the time. And it's an ongoing battle and you could sort of succeed on Tuesday and fail on Wednesday, right? And you could be you could feel very strong for a year and then all of a sudden feel very weak because of maybe other things that are happening in a person's life. So the ongoing battle the video and now combine that with the book I think enables people to give people strength and whether it's a young bakar in yeshiva or not in yeshiva who struggles whether he's in yeshiva he's in the workforce and he's struggling and he wants to live or if it's an older married man whether he's from not as but he's like struggles with these things the message today is you're a healthy person if you have a struggle but your job now is okay maz We validated you. You feel good about yourself. You're healthy. Good. Now turn away because that's how you're going to stay healthy and that's how you're going to become a strong person. And that's our job. We serve Hashem. We we different generations had different tests. We don't live in ghettos. We don't have the kind of epic poverty that they might have had. We don't have the oppression that they might have had a hundred years ago. Our test today is sort of the test of luxury. And that is that everything around us looks fantastic. And our job is to put the blinders on and say, "I'm focusing on my life. I'm focusing on my home. I'm focusing on what I'm building. And I'm not distracted by it all. And I'm not jealous of it all. And I'm not frustrated by it all. And I'm not down by what looks like is out there. I know my life. I'm proud of it. I'm excited about it. I'm living it." So, Hashem's test today, it used to be a test of of negativity. And today our test is almost a test of positivity where our test is it seems like there's so much out there. You feel like everyone's got something that you don't lift yourself up. Be proud of what you have. Be proud of who you are. Be proud of the fact that we're a part of Isa and have the courage and the strength the next time you're tempted to be able to be to turn away and say, "I'm objecting and Hashem is going to take care of giving me an incredible life." As always, thank you for that message of positivity and strength and continue. Thank you very much. Thank you. [Music]