Inside ArtScroll - Season 4 Episode 15: Rabbi Yechiel Spero – Chizuk in Challenging Times

[Music] Hello everyone and welcome back to Inside Art Scroll, where the books you read and the people who write them come to life. Today I am privileged to be joined by best-selling author Rabbi Yil Spiro, author of a brand new phenomenal book, The Soul of Kadesh. Thank you, for joining us. Thank you again for having me. It's uh I think been about two years, so it's good to since we last spoke. I know you're a busy person, Barashem, writing books. You're a busy rebby, a devoted Rebi. You're speaking in many places. So to get you down here is not a a simple matter. I wish I could come every week. That's the truth. Well, you're invited here all the time. So whenever you have time in your schedule, first of all, we should stop do a podcast, I think, regularly. Okay. Which moves about you know me dalma. But today, among other things, I'd like to discuss this brand new book, uh, which I know you're very passionate about. I know you're passionate about the topic. I know you're passionate about what you shared in the book. Um, much of which I myself have benefited from the stories, the lessons. Um, but I'm sure many people have asked you what prompted you to write a book on of all topics, Kadesh, right? Um, okay. So like every book it starts with just somebody mentions an idea and often the best ideas are I don't know if it's a good idea but I was thinking so there's a Emanuel who called me after COVID or in middle of COVID and he said listen so many have lost their lives so many people are searching for so many people could use and you should write a book on kadesh and it seemed Perfect. Of course I should. Um I I thought about it and I started to research uh the subject matter and it's uh on on so many levels. There's there's parts of Kadesh that are very esoteric and there's parts of Kadesh that are, you know, so emotional. um the more I invested in it and the more I learned about it, the more I realized I have to learn even more about it. But like everything else started to get pushed to the side. And to his credit, he stayed on top of me. And every few months he would, you know, he would uh send me a WhatsApp message or a text and you know, shalom, not to pressure, but have you given it more thought? And and Barashem it it started to build momentum and once I started on it, I I couldn't stop. So where where did you start when you decided okay I want to really focus in on kadesh where does one start right so I I well always I always buy swarm now we know we know we know and um I started to think about the kadeshim in my life that have been unforgettable my parents should be gaz they're both with us so my experiences of kadesh have really come from um what I've observed from others. I remember many years ago um it was actually um there was a cousin of ours that was Miff and and uh she was a young mother. I think she was 29 30 years old and it was the saddest. The whole the whole city of Cleveland went to Leva and Sust was she was married on Yantiff and um and I remember it must have been the next Friday night. I was in Shaw in Young Israel and people started talking and the the not talking in Scho thing which is incredible movements. It it didn't exist 30 40 years ago. This was 40 years ago. So it didn't exist so much. And sometimes people would talk and and people were talking and it got a little loud towards the end of a Friday night davening. And I'll never forget her father was saying kadesh for her for whatever reason it was. and and I remember him banging on the wall and in the middle of kadesh he said is it too much for a father to want to say kadesh for his daughter is it too much for you to be quiet was crying I I can see it it's like it happened yesterday was one kadesh I remember and then there was another kadesh when we had a talmid Mosha masitz a young boy an eighth grade boy that was nifter car accident um number of years ago and one of the Rebeim and yeshiva was saying kadesh for an uncle it was a fria uncle who we I don't think he had much connection to but he was saying kadesh for him and we found out at like 7:00 in the morning that the boy was killed in a car accident and normally the kadesh was like a rapid fire kadesh and we all came we were like shaken to it was unbelievable And I remember he started to say kadesh and he couldn't get the words out. It was like we were by Leva and it was our town like we and um he couldn't say the words. It was like a kadesh that you don't forget. Mhm. And when you when you think about those kadesh and every person has that moment, every person that loses a child, every person that loses a parent, every person that loses a sibling when people are sitting shiva, they have those moments. Every you don't think about it because it's not your moment until it is your moment. And generally everybody has the moment, right? and and and I started to think, what if you could give to those people in their darkest hour? What if you would be able to to give them the story or the vart or the makova that they could hold on to that would carry them through their darkest times. Mhm. And if you think about that and and the the power that it can give them and the empowerment to be able to get past it like you have a and helping being mazic people through the darkest times. It's it's a no-brainer. But you've mentioned that this particular book is not only for those who've had to say kadesh who neb have lost a parent or a close relative, right? You feel very strongly that it's for everyone. You know, we don't time when books come out. Books come out and we're in the middle of the darkest Kufa in recent memory. And and I did not know that obviously when I was writing this book. Mhm. But we've buried a thousand brothers and sisters in the last week. And inside the book, I put nuggets of it's in it's in it's just for everybody. Not by the way, not only people that have lost someone. It's obviously centers around Kadesh, but there's parts about in here. Different parts of the book speak to different people, but it's all it's it's um I'm telling you it's like I I've you know people ask me do I ever read my own books these past two weeks I've been reading my kadesh book because just to get more and we all who doesn't need now right so it's um it's the perfect book for the perfect time and I'll tell you the truth you know some books You have a story book sold for a month, two months, three months and then slowly I believe that every person that is sitting sha whether or every person that needs hold on to the book read it'll take you two weeks to read the book three weeks to read the book. I know I know from going through the book it's really not just about kadesh I like what you alluded to it's really about during trouble times that's really what the book is about it happens to be through the medium of kadesh I'll I'll tell you a beautiful thing um you know the period when a person loses a loved one so that immediate relatives are called anon and then after in the during the period of anos there's no mitzvah And it if you speak to people that have that have lost that have experienced anos it's a very very strange time. No brahis, no mitzvah, no fill in, no it's just a strange. It's strange. And then immediately after the kura, not only is everything back on, not only does the switch go on, but you are burdened with this extra burden of ding, but al of course saying kadesh. What happens? So I heard I wrote a beautiful thing from the word is it means but the understand the way works. They understand the way human beings work. And when we're hit with with tragedy we're numb. We're speechless. We imish don't know we don't know what to say or what to do. Person doesn't know what to say or do. Can't possibly do mitzvah. can't possibly say. But the also knows that after that short period of time of anos, not only are you capable of going back to your regular life, you're capable of doing more than you ever thought before. And you're giving us not only to it's beautiful not only to say butadesh is you're giving people the opportunity to say you can rip up the you become the vehicle for kid and it's and and that you know we talk about believing in a kid to believes in us when we're hurt and we're wounded and we're crying believes you. You you can rise up. You will rise up and you will be stronger than ever before. And it's like for now it's uh it's it's prophetic. It's unbelievable. Right? You know we find among people when you smoo with people that kadesh gives them an even or maybe especially during their lifetime you have people talk about my kadesh right they refer to their children as my kadesh that's so much part of it's it's part of yisha culture that that that's part of it's it's part of keeping your legacy going it's part of what's going to give your nishama what we we you know these are that are beyond us but whatever that means it will give my my it's in and so on and so forth whatever it is but you see it you see it so much I was just smoozing with one of the here at art school of kadesh about the kadesh baser at the end of davening someone found a stein in a art school said that we were talking about it and and he was sharing with me how how kadesh is is is very very unique in in that anything that's related to the afterlife. Anything related to to these in yonim people are very very sensitive about and and and it it hits them in a different way. Right. Well, a lot of times people feel it's like taboo to talk about especially the they don't want to have anything to do for many years people don't want have anything to do with anybody who's involved in the kadisha you know they didn't even invite you to like because they don't want to have anything to do with it but um yeah it's it's uh kadesh is an opportunity for us to be able to embrace our fears in many ways also but of course to continue the msira and people see like you said a kadeshel is somebody that will carry on. Um what was a revelation that you had? I mean you started learning about kadesh. We hear thousands of kadesh throughout our lifetime. What what was a sheer revelation that you had as you started exploring it? Um, I I I I'll I'll tell you, you know, there's a lot there's really, and again, I I really don't want to toot my own horn because this is not me and anything that comes out from from my work is only because I really feel like you get satis and you're able to produce the right thing at the right time. Um, but I I'll I'll tell you like I I found that first of all, kadesh is not kadesh has nothing to do with death. I think that's shocking to people because people when they when they start saying kadesh they want to they do it because and and even people that are not religious want to say kadesh people like have this desire whether it's because they feel like they want to connect to their parents or because they want listen they they're faced with the fragility of life and and our vulnerability and they say hey maybe I should start doing something so they start saying kadesh and and they start reading kadesh and is doesn't talk about at all. There's no mention of death. Um it's it's about and it's also about understanding that even when we think he's given us the biggest patch we could possibly imagine, he's still the loving who loves us more than anything. So whether you understand it or not and hopefully if you read the book you understand a little more it's kind of blending the with the and understanding that is taking care of you and and to understand that everything is and by you accepting that and continuing to embrace and you are accepting and there it might lead into the understanding of accepting death and and and difficult times. One of one of the things people find interesting as well with kadesh is the kadesh by aim being the same as as a as as a kadesh by a kuru which is also something did you did you did you see the shot I I didn't see oh it's unbelievable you're going to love this whoever's listening to this is going to love is amazing the only problem is is that if I tell you this um I'm I'm like losing like a great speech to say by a grand semium I know that that they're having a sem um there's a sim see him on sushim coming up. Yeah. So, so I I haven't been asked to speak at the summ but it's unbelievable. Why is it that the kadesh I think it's called the kadesh of that's the name of the kadesh the kadesh of that you say at the kura is the exact same lion when you finish him who is and hey look he he's referred to as the he's current he's a nice he he says a beautiful shot he says when a person is is is picks up a maka The maka has been sitting there. The gar has been sitting there and you pick it up. The maka is dead. By learning the maka, you are breathing life into the maka. Every moment that you learn, you're breathing life into a dormant piece of gimmar that that's actually been waiting for you to blow on it and to to breathe life into it. But when you finish the ma in a sense you're stopping to learn that's the death of the when you say the words it's the reenactment of because you're promising you're going to breathe life into the again which is what the kadesh of of the when a person's buried it's also uh isn't that beautiful that's absolutely fascinating. Yeah. Wow. One of my favorite ideas in the book. You have some great stories in here. One of my favorite is the story about Pesak with the fellow comes into beautiful. I mean a great stories sheer sheer one or two. I want to share what I think is uh and there's a couple people maybe they'll watch it. Um you know one of the advantages of writing this is is that nobody ever knows what to say to a novel, right? It's the most awkward and and we're talking not supposed to speak until the speaks to us and no one you know no one knows what to say and I don't claim to know what to say but in private conversation I've I've been able to pick up hundreds of little tidbits to be able to be mazic people which are really treasures because if you if you can lift a person up in his darkest moments it it's it's priceless. It's priceless. It's You're giving him life. Mish. So there's a story and again it's as it's as appropriate as can possibly be for this period of time after the Meas Harav massacre when when Yeshiva Baham were killed in the B medish. Terrible tragedy. So there were parents who were inconsolable. all of them and they came to Kakamuaja and Kakamuaja spoke to them and this is what he told them. He told them in 1971 I believe it was um so Babasali lived in and shortly after he moved there he discovered that there was a couple that was having scholas problems. How did he know they were having scholars problems? Everybody knew the windows were open and everybody knew they were having fas problems. So he was asked uh to get involved which he did but he called his brother down. His brother was a RV in Lud in the community over there. And he said to him, "Listen, I'm not a RV. I don't have a with people. How about you come down? You'll speak to them. You'll you'll explain to them what needs to be done. You'll help them with the lines of communication. And of course he came and his brother was a great saddic in his own right. Um he came down and and he spoke to them and he explained to them what needs to be done and he got them to see each other's point of view and um and after a few hours he's ready to go back. He said goodbye to his brother. He never made it home. He was killed in a horrific accident and Babasali was inconsolable. Now let's understand that Babasali was one of the holiest Jews in many generations a kadeshar and he knew the the alleyways of Shayim right they say about and here he was he was inconsolable and he said it's all my fault I had to bring him down if I didn't bring him down he would have never died and he cried and cried and cried and one night he went went to sleep and he had a dream. And his brother appeared to him in a dream. And his brother said to him, "It's I'm I'm okay. It's beautiful. I'm in Shayim. I'm next to He said, "It's all my fault. It's all my fault." He said, "What do you mean your fault? You gave me the I was supposed to die. You gave me the to die while I was bringing the down to the world because If there is in a home the comes down I helped you helped facilitate bringing the I was able to be part of that mitzvah. So he says so you're okay. He said yes except for one thing. He said what what is it? He said you can't continue to cry. He said it it gives me pain when you cry. Said stop crying. So um Babasi said okay I'm not going to cry anymore. So told the families it's unimaginable s but when you're able to finally stop crying the nama will be perfect. and and it it's not my place to say you know people are going to cry for a long time but um but we can smile too through the tears and um I think that's a story that should bring a lot of nuama to a lot of people and you know maybe people feel guilty um you know somebody told me what right do you have to write a book on kadesh if your parents are living you don't understand the suga and I don't I don't understand the suga but Um but I I think that uh sometimes you can try to give to people and and um if if people can understand that it's okay to smile even in the greatest moments of that's part of the healing process. So a beautiful idea. The word sar is very closely related to the word to be sad. The sadi is the same, the is the same. The only difference between is the r and the bay. Follow for a moment. Re is gimatria 510. Bud is gimatria 412. The difference between the two is 98. The 98. Why did it come? We're meant to have in our lives. We're supposed to that's part of the challenge to be able to embrace through the but sadness sadness we can't have. So we're allowed and and we must cry but we also must try to balance is even in the greatest it doesn't pause when we're going through is every moment of your life from the moment we're born to the moment we die but thear is is is accompanied with and it's and only can be able to live with both and part of the that I've heard from people that they get after tragic or not is is that they have that ability to say kadesh. We learn we do mitzvah but saying kadesh is is it's cathartic. Yeah. It's part of that healing process. Um but you mentioned something before. It's very hard to find the right things to say to to those who have lost someone close. Uh we see it now in this period of of of war with with Israel and really Gans Kalisrael in such an aurora finding the the right words it's it's hard. I'm sure you as a rebby have have grappled with with this right. I mean I think everybody in Kalis has grappled with it. I don't think I I I I think all of us have stinging eyes. Our eyes are burning because for two weeks we've we're we're trying and and and and the truth is is that um unlike the tragedies of co and meron where everybody knew somebody the these names are are not known names for most people. almost nobody, very very few people are known. And and the Yiddesha is so big that we we're we're like crippled. We're we're we're speechless. We we really I want I want to say, you know, I I I've spoken to people over the last few weeks and people tell me they're they're walking around in a days almost like they're not operating at full capacity and and you ask them why and they can't articulate it. Just I'm not right right now. No, I'm not whole. I'm I'm broken. I'm broken inside. Um, you know, you mentioned before about I I would even say that kadesh gives you your voice again and and and the words of of the words of it gives us our voice. We don't know what to say. We find a voice and you know we have to also mitem should take care of us and hopefully mashem soon we'll be through this we'll never forget it but we we I I told people if all we walk away with are a few really nice aus and some arms around the shoulder will be lost opportunity. You know, we got to walk away with something real and and and shayim and in any every person in his own way. H how are you how are you being the shamay in your life in the in the most private of ways in in in in your ding in your learning in your shias in your in your patience with your children in your in your interaction with people in the store we have to be able and and that's what that's what kadesh is which is by the way the same as it's really just an Aramaic translation of that of that but Um yeah I've heard I I've heard I hear people questioning you know uh they say you know this unprecedented and the and which is off the charts almost like nothing people have ever seen it's really incredible but you know I already heard people asking you know is it sustainable can it be sustained and the answer has to be yes just like anything else just like you're saying there has to be a takeaway from an aar there has to be a takeaway whether we're saying amenu but in word or indeed eat whatever it is it has to be sustainable. We have to take something from it. You know, one of the things that that uh and and again there's a lot in here. There's I have one part of the book is nuggets of which are again it's not just nuggets of but little bite-sized pieces of something can open up and feel not only but it's a lot of um you talk about a and when people die sometimes a shiva house is the most beautiful place you walk in and a family that's united and is together it's magnificent it really is there's something very malic about it and it's majestic and it's almost like you feel a privilege to walk in to such a house but if there's in that family then then the death of a parent it it just breaks the family into billion pieces if I could say I have a public forum now if you haven't spoken to to a family member and you haven't spoken to a friend or somebody that you have kindness on make the phone call if not if not now when you know and I think kadesh part of it is it unites people we say kadesh we say it's the whole sour together is saying it there it has to be you ever go sometimes you go into a and it's like a disjointed kadesh you have one guy who's running through kadesh and you have other guy who's going very very slow it it it doesn't have sometimes the schul connects we have sometimes in the schl everybody comes together in the middle of the sh and they say the but we only have a voice if we're together that's that that's what has to happen the the the book is phenomenal as a read for anyone but as you said when people need this book is going to give it to them and I also think that it's timeless in that way it's I know it's a brand new book now so like something new but I think it's something that will stand the test of time uh because of because these messages are timeless and uh and until we see the final there are going to be these these whatever they are and you know should should make them easy for us to deal with but uh but you've given Kaiser a gift in this book I hope so you know what you asked me before why did I write it you ever walk into bul and they have something on the little table. It's it's it's it's a book. It's a mig book. And if you ask most people, they just want something there because there's going to be a moment like now in a lot of families, it's busy, but people have quiet time. Mhm. One of the things I envisioned when writing the book is first of all after Shiva when the house is not hustling and bustling when when it's much harder. Yeah. Yeah. It's much harder. And um and I I I I felt like this is a book that people will be able to have as a companion. Mhm. And I I want to be clear. I I I'm I'm not pushing the book because I want people to buy I mean I do want people to buy the book, but I really believe that it can give tremendous. It's given me tremendous and I have a couple voice notes. You know, um Jerry and Sarowski were the ones that dedicated the book and they're friends of Kali. They've done so much. Um and I send them voice notes every once in a while because people send me voice notes. The book's only a few weeks old and people have sent me letters and and emails and voice notes um that are some of them are very private and I don't send but every once in a while somebody said I asked can I share it with somebody and I send it to them because that you should just know the impact the impact that you make on somebody's life. Just this morning afterwards I'll let you listen. I got a twominute voicemail voice note from a woman who said the the events over the last few weeks have caused her to lose her equilibrium. That's what she told me. She says, "I feel I can't even walk straight." And she said she read one nugget of it just gave her some balance. It restored her. So again, I I really believe has has put the right words into the book and I hope that Khalis can become very I'm in awe of what you do. I still don't know the the secret exactly how you do it and how you balance everything you do. It's it's a masterpiece like like all your other books are and each one seems to be more impressive than the previous one. uh and this time you've touched a very you know a vulnerable uh time in a person's life a very sensitive topic a topic that we need and guidance in and so you know thank you for doing what you did thank you and you should continue to go amen with your fantastic in all different realms and uh if I could say thank you for being an because you as a personal friend and everything you do for the clown as well thank you so Thank you so much and again thank you for coming out. Thank you. [Music]